INTRODUCTION

Every two seconds a child is born in India and a Woman turns into a Mother,
making the day the most special day of her life. In todays era, where women and men
work in the same office and share the same work oriented goals in life, there are some
questions which arise when a child is born. Apart from the tears and joy that is shared by
the mother and the father these are the common questions which are to be answered,
whether to work or stay-at-home or work part time.
We cant grow or face the challenges of the marketplace without womens
perspectives and contributionsin fact, no business can. This is the statement given and
agreed upon by the top CEOs and Directors of many Companies.
The factors that weigh on working mothers throughout their lives are endlessly
complex and fascinating. For more than thirty years, Working Mother has served women
and the companies that employ them to fill the chasm that still separates work and family
life. We have found the best and most productive employers are those who see the
complete person, kids and all. But too often, working mothers lack the support they need
and must find another way to succeed. More than a third of all mothers working or at
home say they frequently feel guilty about their contribution to the household.
Working moms (51 percent) feel guilty about not spending enough time with their
kids. And stay-at-home moms (55 percent) worry about not making a contribution to the
family finances.
However, mothers attitudes toward work have changed considerably in recent
years. Among mothers with children under age 18, the share saying they would prefer to
work full time has increased from 20% in 2007 to 32% in 2012. Tough economic times
may have ushered in a new mindset, as women in the most difficult financial
circumstances are among the most likely to say working full time is the ideal situation for
them.
At the same time, the public remains conflicted about what is best for children.
Among all adults, only 16% say the ideal situation for a young child is to have a mother
who works full time. A plurality of adults (42%) say mothers working part time is ideal,
and one-third say its best for young children if their mothers do not work at all outside of
the
home.

SCENARIO IN INDIA AND ABROAD

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Democratic notions
The tide is beginning to turn in the world social order. Traditional family roles are
changing as democratic notions creep into the social system. Earlier, it was assumed to be
written in stone that the man was the provider in the family and the woman the
homemaker. In India, while a majority of the women may still be fighting against the old
order, some have definitely seen the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not just
because women are beginning to realize that there is a world outside their kitchen
windows. Women are also turning out in large numbers in the work force due to
economic necessity.

But as in the case of every social change, there is a lag between actions and
attitudes. While people may be willing to accept the idea of career women, they are not
willing to excuse them from their duties as career moms. The attitude towards working
women seems to be that while people have no objection to availing of their talents and
abilities outside the home, women are not allowed to compromise on home life. And if
they do, they should be made to feel the error of their ways. In the first place, the term
'working mother' is a misnomer as mothers are working round the clock even if they don't
go to an office. Being a working mother is not the easiest job in the world. Some women
are good at it, some don't have a choice, some choose a middle path and some don't even
try it. The point is that it is the women who should have the right to exercise the option to
work or not to work, assuming that they have one. And if they do elect to pursue a career,
it is important that their families be supportive.

Making the decision

Mothers who have a choice whether to work or not to work have to consider
many things before they take the decision. First of all, they need to be clear about their
priorities. Does the baby and family come first or is a career and financial security of
greater importance? They also have to decide whether they would be happy having
servants or other family members look after their children. They need to realize that by
taking the decision to work, they will probably miss out on all the major milestones of
their babies' lives. Mothers need to remember that a job can be very demanding not only
in terms of time, but also energy. Women spread themselves really thin trying to juggle
work life and home life. They will have to consider the stress factor of the job because it

is not easy to cope with the pressures of a high-stress job and the demands of a baby.
Women should also discuss their decision to work or not with their spouses because they
will need their support. It may help to find a job that has flexi-hours. It will make it easier
for mothers to be able to stay home on days when there is no other caretaker for the baby
or to leave early if there is an emergency.
Sushmita Roy gave up a lucrative career as a management consultant with a
multinational and started her own web design firm so that she could work from home.
She says, "After Tara was born, I decided that I couldn't go back to working at a job with
such long and erratic hours. I didn't want to miss out on any special moments in my
daughter's life. But at the same time, I didn't want to be a full-time mother because I
really enjoyed working. Working from home was the only option."

Some women have no choice. Veena Marathe had to start working because she
and her husband realized that his salary would not be enough to live on once the baby
arrived. Veena started working as a receptionist when her baby was one year old. She
says. "I felt terrible leaving my baby at such a young age, but I had no choice. It's not
easy being a working mother. I come home tired from work and I have to look after the
baby and cook and clean. I get so irritated with my husband and I have even begun to
resent the baby's demands and I know it's because I'm so tired. To make things worse, I
don't like my job. I'm just doing it for the money. "

Suhasini Mehta dreams of becoming a partner in the law firm she works for. She
says, "My job is high-stress and I have to work long hours, but I am determined to make
it to the top. I live with my in-laws and both they and my husband are very supportive. I
know that my in-laws will take good care of my daughter so I can work with a clear
conscience."

When to return to work

Mothers often worry that their babies will forget them once they return to work.
But they need not fear because babies recognize their mother's voices right from birth and
are not going to forget even if their mothers are away for the whole day. The question
then is when is the best time to go back to work? According to Dr. Sushma Mehrotra,
"Ideally a working mother should only return to work when her baby is at least one year
old. Otherwise, there is a danger that the baby may develop separation anxiety." Experts

feel that mothers should wait till they have bonded with the baby and feel confident in
their new role as mothers. For women who don't have a choice, it really depends on the
amount of maternity leave they can wangle.

Spending quality time

According to Dr. Mehrotra, it is not the quantity of time mothers spend with their
children but the quality that matters. "A working mother who spends one hour of quality
time every day with her child will probably establish a better bond with her child than
one who is home nagging the child all the time."

In Dr. Mehrotra's view, "Working mothers definitely have less time to spend with
their children than the mothers who are at home. But it's not that a housewife is a better
mother than a working mother. Even if the working mother is pressed for time, as long as
she spends quality time with her child it is enough. Sometimes mothers are around the
house the whole day but they don't even look at their children. They provide them with
food and other facilities, but their involvement with the child is minimum. They think
their presence is enough. But that is not true. It is quality time and the way you interact
with your children that makes the difference."

"For instance, if a working mother takes the trouble to find out what her child has
been doing the whole day and accepts the child's reply, she will probably have a better
bond with her child. On the other hand, a child may feel rejected if a mother who has
been home the whole day has not bothered to see what her child is up to. It really depends
on the kind of communication and bonding that mothers have with their children.
Mothers must talk to their children; they must interact with them and must accept their
children."

Quality time does not imply that the mother must cram a hundred activities in the
little free time that she has to spend with her child. It is enough to just spend time
together doing routine things like eating together or just cuddling each other. Mothers
should talk to their children telling them about their day and asking about theirs. Given
the fact that time is of the essence, mothers need to prioritize household chores and only
do those that are absolutely essential on a daily basis. Mothers should try to tune out

distractions like the television, radio and telephone calls when they are spending some
special time with their babies. Quality time should not be restricted to the mother and
baby alone. Mothers shouldn't forget the fathers and should make it a point to involve
them in quality time activities.

THE DISADVANTAGES
In the long run, in a situation where both parents are working and not spending
enough time with their children, it can have an adverse effect on the child's development.
Dr. Mehrotra feels, "Children may feel neglected and seek stimulation outside the house.
Servants can look after a child's basic needs, but they cannot be responsible for the child's
intellectual, social and emotional development."

In her experience, Dr. Mehrotra has found that very often, mothers who have to
go back to work are not happy leaving their child at such a young age. They feel guilty
and anxious and their anxiety is transmitted to the child. The mother will phone home ten
times a day to find out what is happening and try to give instructions over the phone. This
can make the whole family develop neurotic tendencies. "When a mother is anxious, she
makes everybody anxious."
Probably the best thing for women to do if they want to work is to either work
part-time or to get a job that has flexi-hours or to work freelance. However, in cases
where mothers have no family at home to leave their children with, a good creche may be
an option to consider. Ideally, a person running a creche will be educated and experienced
with children and definitely a better option than leaving children to their own devices or
with servants. But mothers must be very careful about checking the credentials of the
person running the creche and speak to parents of other children in the creche before they
take a decision to send their child to one.

RESEARCH PROCESS
In a development that is surely expected to cheer women from all across the
globe! A team of researchers from the University College London, after a long-term
study, have asserted that mothers working either part-time or full-time do not adversely
affect young children.
This revelation is expected to cheer mothers of young children who are often
discouraged to take up or continue their careers post child-birth.
Says, working mother of a five-year old boy, Moumita Das, "I was repeatedly
cautioned by my friends, family and well-wishers to drop the idea of working after I
delivered my son. But then, I had to because I help my husband support our family
financially. While there is always that nagging fear that my child, who stays with her
grandmother during my office house, will become stubborn and ill-behaved, so far it has
worked out fine for me. This news should cheer all working mothers who just have to
work to support their families."
Kumkum Bhattacharya, mother of a 13 year-old girl agrees saying, "When you
are one of the bread-earners in the family, you just have to keep working. Despite the age
we live in, in our society, women are often expected to shun working after child-birth so
that they can nurture the child's future. Well, a mother's concern is always directed
towards the best for the child, and a certain amount of balancing between work and
family is all it takes to sustain the best of both worlds."

RESEARCH DESIGN
Its tough for a mother to work in India and there are a lot of dilemmas a working
mother face especially in a country like India where the state of mind of the people living
in the society is that working and earning is the job of the man in any house.
This is one such story of a working mother in India, as she describes that yes, it is
a difficult job to work in India and there are many situations a mother has to face when it
comes to managing the work and the household.

Story of a Mother
Ever since I started my journey as a mother about 4 years back, Ive been on this
QUEST. The quest on why is it so TOUGH for working mothers in India.
Over the last few years, I have read extensively on this subject, quizzed several
working mothers, observed and analyzed several real-life scenarios and done a lot of
thinking on this subject based on my own experiences and what Ive seen in the lives of
individuals around me. Specifically, on what are the multidimensional issues which most
working mothers in India have to endure.

First learning: As a working woman, you cant ignore the influence of your
immediate living environment on the challenges you face, the choices and decisions you
make. Every country has its own legacy, history, evolution, growth story, political
scenario, policies, laws, educational framework, economic growth, culture, ways of
living and employment guidelines which influence the mind-set of the community at
large; and this creates unique set of country-specific-issues when it comes to the topic of
Working Mother and the issues they face. India is no exception.
Second discovery: The thoughts, opinions and views on the subject of whether
mothers should work, and what kind of professions would be suitable / favorable is still
very diverse and spreads across the spectrum. I dont see any general consensus, or strong
majority emerge here irrespective of educational background, socioeconomic strata,
which generation one belongs to or even whether the person speaking is a man / father or
woman / mother. So Ive seen modern well-educated middle-class women (between 25 to
30) who strongly believe that it is absolutely essential for a mother to focus on bringing

up her child and make whatever personal / professional sacrifices this entails. And Ive
seen grandfathers from very conservative mind-sets who are strongly vocal about the fact
that their daughters / daughters-in-law / grand-daughters pursue long term meaningful
careers.
Third comprehension: For the vast majority of the average working woman in
India, there is no universal definition of what work life balance is. So to each mother,
her own! And rightly so!
Forth eye-opener: In many real-life situations, the REAL issues were not related
to their individual competencies of a women / mother, or the corporates they were a part
of: but more deeply related to issues of the self and upbringing.

SAMPLE DESIGN
The day starts for Professor Asha Ramachandran (35) at 5 a.m., when she gets up
from bed in a hurry. A four-burner gas stove and a microwave oven in the kitchen
couldn't cope with her speed. Within an hour, the menu for the entire family, including
her son's evening snacks, is ready. And, mind you, no chef can compete with her.

An hour later, Keshav, her six-year-old son, is still in bed trying to avoid the
sunlight peeping through the windows; within minutes, a complete transformation takes
place when he turns out to be a neatly uniformed boy waving bye to his mother from the
school van. Then comes the next portfolio for Asha with a full list of commitments for
the day. She returns home anxiously only to assist her son in his homework and to feel
proud of his performance in school.

She is the embodiment of the many-handed Kali. So are the employed women of
today. A working woman's life is all about balancing many balls at a time without
slipping a single one.

In ages past, women stayed at home, preoccupied with the family, taking care of
children and providing emotional support for the members. But now, they feel that their
traditional roles as childbearers and homemakers must be coupled with achievement
outside home. In this context, it is inevitable to investigate the impact of such a
phenomenon on society as a whole and on childrearing in particular.

Socio-economic profile

India has 397 million workers, of whom 123 million are women. Of them, 106
million are in rural areas and the remaining 18 million in urban areas. Only 20 per cent of
the women labourers work in urban areas. Women are an estimated 38.2 per cent of all
economically active individuals. They earn 66 per cent of men's salary for equal work;
the socio-economic condition in India has contributed to the need for dual income in

middle class families. With a population of a little more than a billion, India is the second
most populous country. The literacy rate among women is 39.3 per cent and they make up
28 per cent of the labour force which constitutes educated employed women (Catalyst,
2011).

Indian women were traditionally housewives; education to them was given only
to the level that everyone wanted to be educated. Now India has the largest number of
professionally qualified women. This includes female workers at all levels of skills
from surgeons, pilots to bus conductors and labourers.

Women work roughly twice as much as men, combining home and workplace.
They have a lot more responsibilities and accountability at home than men. Yet, they
seem to perform equally well.

What is the secret of this achievement? Is it the natural ability? Is it the will to
fight against the odds? Is it the spirit of achievement or a combination of all?

Women possessed the skill sets even earlier, but the family always took the first
priority. Today, with opportunities aplenty and the help that is available, they are able to
balance both home and work. Not just multitasking, there is yet another quality that
women bring to the workplace sensitivity. Emotions and sensitivity come
spontaneously to women, making work a much pleasant proposal.

Hurdles to women

Life gives it all to some people fortune, power and reputation but no one gets it
easy. Success never comes overnight and it requires years of perseverance to reach the
altar. For a woman, every accomplishment is twice as delightful and those who make it to
the top in the toughest of the fields are really great. In fact, constant pressure makes them
work harder. The debate whether both parents should work or not is not really important
anymore. Mothers are working and will continue to work outside home.

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The truth is that seven out of 10 mothers are working women. It is certainly
possible to be both good mothers and competent professionals. For that, they must have
clear-cut priorities and learn how to enjoy the ride. Before starting the family, they must
plan how to proceed with their career. Should they have one or more babies and how far
would they like to reach in their career?

But life is more than just a job women are ready to accept lower pay for
flexible working hours and part-time work to balance the twin challenges of home and
work. Women have now become ambitious, determined and even ruthless. Why not? Can
she be stopped? She must learn to adapt. And if she does, she wins.

Children of working parents

Children acquire habits, lifestyle, morals, values, based on the way they view or
identify with their parents. In addition to financial gains, there are potentially valuable
benefits associated with work, for children in particular. It is a known fact that parents
who work present a different image to their children than parents who do not work.

Rekha, a young competent IT professional, says that her son will enjoy the luxury
and happiness of owning expensive toys as a benefit of her additional income. Gurcharan,
a six-year-old kid, gets dropped by a school van at 4 p.m. He manages to open the locked
door of his house by himself, eats the snacks prepared by his mom in the morning,
switches on TV and sleeps on the sofa within minutes only to wake up at the stroke of the
calling bell when his mother is waiting outside the door. This is the state of affairs of a
majority of the children whose parents are employed. They learn to do their work by
force of necessity.

The working mother occupies a very important role in the family. She commands
respect from her children because she exhibits the characteristics of an industrious
person, full of self-confidence, maturity, decision-making capacity, intelligence and
accountability. When children identify with their parents, these qualities are imparted to

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them. They learn to cope with life's problems and become socially compatible. Children
think that it would improve their status among their mates when their parents are
employed. When they are left to take care of themselves in the absence of their parents it
indirectly promotes independence and self-reliance in them. Typically, working mothers
harbour higher educational aspirations for their children. Studies show that the boys of
working mothers showed better social and personal skills than boys of non-working
mothers.

Sometimes, on the negative side, boys of working mothers showed bad results in
school. The child gets more attached to the servant maid or the babysitter than the parent.
The babysitter needs to be treated with equal importance like a member of the family.

Malini, a doctor and mother of a schoolgoing kid, says that the maid cannot be
left behind even during summer vacation trips as her son is attached to her. But these are
minor issues which can be overcome.

Working parents are in a good position to prepare their children for life. Speaking
of the time spent on parenting, it has been found that even though less time is spent, it is
quality time spent and it is found that no child is deprived of the love and care of parents
because of the quality time spent with the child by the mother, at the cost of her own
leisure and sleep. Working mothers often possess the skills necessary for responding
creatively to the increased stress their children face while advancing in their own career.

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DATA COLLECTION
The multi-dimensional aspects that make it TOUGHER for the
working mother in India

1)

ISSUES RELATED TO THE SELF

(i) The DNA of a Woman / Strong Maternal Instinct: In a vast majority of

the instances, what made is especially harder for a working mother in India is her own
strong maternal instinct; which compels her to quit the workforce and be with her
children full-time, or explore flexible work options which enable her to be the kind of
mother she aspires to be. These choices or decisions obviously came with some trade-offs
with respect to her professional growth and aspirations. And these very choices and
decisions are the cause for feelings of uncertainty, guilt, dissatisfaction and a varying
sense of self-esteem. From what Ive seen, the manifestation of this maternal instinct is
very specific to your country / culture! And so the Indian mother has her own emotional
issues and limitations which are very personal and subjective to her!

(ii) Mental Conditioning of a Woman: For many Indian working mothers, the
everyday battles they had to fight were related to their own mental conditioning which
is deeply and directly influenced by the living environment one is a part of. So if youre
parents / spouse / in-laws / community youre a part of continuously make the point that
your first duty as a woman is that of a mother; and that the primary responsibility of a
mother is towards your child; then at some point the mother gives-in; mentally,
emotionally and professionally.

(iii) Desire / Passion to Work: In many cases, a lot of women themselves did
not have any desire / passion to work; or it is very low. The truth is that Indian women
who have built meaningful long term careers had a burning desire / passion to work, and
they found ways to make it work! Sure there were career brakes or career breaks; but
over a period of time they did manage to build a successful career because of this
passion, focus, hard-work, openness, flexibility and dedication.

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2)

ISSUES RELATED TO THE FAMILY

(i) Upbringing: Interestingly, the first note-worthy observation I made was

around how a womans upbringing made all the difference in her own definition of what
is expected of a mother, her own self-worth and her role at home and in society. All of
this determines whether or not she continues to work after becoming a mother. In many
instances, the influence of your upbringing can drastically alter your career path once you
become a mother. For e.g.: Many working mothers quit regular full-time corporate jobs
due to pressures from family. In some cases, they opt for professional commitments
which provide flexibility and end up as freelancers or consultants or entrepreneurs. And
in many cases, they accept their primary role and identity of a mother, and only a mother;
and completely give up their professional identity.

If your parents / family / friends / people in your immediate network continuously

drive home the point (in words, actions and interactions) that The duty of a mother is
only and only towards her children, chances are that youll end up giving your career the
minute you become a mother.

Similarly, if your parents / family / friends / people in your immediate network

continuously drive home the point that The primary responsibility of a man is to earn
money, and be treated like royalty within the 4 walls. And that of a woman is to bear and
raise children, chances are once you become parents you will compel your spouse to
give all her waking time and attention to the role of being a mother. And then the
mothers career is just never an option or consideration

(ii) Rise of Nuclear Families: The other reality of India today is the increasing
rise of nuclear families. In such a set-up, it is imperative for one of the parent to play an
active role during the early years of child-growth and development. In majority of the
cases, again it is the mother who takes a career break. And after the break, it definitely
takes time for your career to build up and flourish. This comes at a price in terms of both
career growth and financial earnings.

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(iii) Unequal Partnerships at Home Husbands Hands-Off Approach:

This is somewhat related to the point (i) above. Ones upbringing and conditioning
determine how hands-on or hands-off the husband / father is within the four walls.

In several Indian homes, there are unequal partnerships. After a long tiring day
[even when the working mother works as hard / sometimes even harder as her husband],
once she returns home she is still expected to cook, clean and take care of home-work
and attend to the other demands of the husband / children and maintain the house. Over a
period of time all this adds to the stress levels, and can exhaust working mothers that
they start under-performing at work, or they re-calibrate their own expectations of
themselves.

There are ample research, reports and articles on how every mother (whether she
is working or not) puts in more hours per week towards child care and domestic
responsibilities at home; as compared to the father. In the scenario of a working mother,
based on the kind of profession you are in this can be a huge disadvantage, and can
come at the price of her career. Simply put, if you have 24 hours in a day and need to put
in 14 hours / day on an average towards your maternal duties and domestic
responsibilities, you can give to work only 10 hours / day all inclusive (Travel + Actual
work). On the other hand, the father can easily commit to giving work 16 hours / day. A
willingness and practical feasibility of giving 6 extra hours / day add up to almost 1440
hours / year. Thats a lot of difference in working hours as far as an organization is
concerned.

Ive heard a lot of the Indian urban men telling their wives in no uncertain terms
that they will not contribute towards the domestic responsibilities. Hire staff, but dont
expect me to help out is the message loud and clear. And the latest trend Ive heard is
one in which the men say its OK even if they working mothers dont do anything at
home. That way they believe its equal partnership at home!????

(iv) Expectations in line with a Full Time Mother and Full Time Working
Professional; No real-life role model for Working Mother: This is probably the
most important issue, but less acknowledged. Typically, we all know what to expect from
a Full Time Mother; and there are umpteen role models for how / what she should be

15

and do. The best examples for a vast majority of people are our own mothers. And then
there are umpteen examples of role models (men / women) for how / what a Full Time
Working Professional should be and do. Again, the best examples for a vast majority of
people are our own fathers.

The reality of today is that the working mothers is expected to live up to both
these role models That of a Full Time Mother and a Full Time Working
Professional and is compared judged and rated with both these role models. The truth
is that she will almost always fall short. And that only adds to her stress levels, guilt,
expectations of herself all of which does impact her professional growth and output, not
to mention personal well-being.

(v) The 6C Children of the New Era: Children of this generation are
Complex, Confident, Communicative, Commanding, Competent and Complicated
Children. And they are all probably good. Just that as a working mother, dealing with a
6C child every single day only adds to what any mother has to endure, listen, do and deal
with on a daily basis. Ive discussed this with so many successful working mothers of the
earlier generation, and they all unanimously agreed that while they did not have modern
technology / gadgets / support staff, they had easier children and childrens issues as
compared to the working mothers of today!

(vi) Expectations of family / extended family: Again, not much description

required. But the Indian family is an important and integral part of our lives. As per
Indian culture / traditions, women / mothers are expected to live up to some expectations
from the family / extended family. Be it in terms of the kind of professions she can select
and choose, the kind of work hours she can clock-in, the kind of things she has to do at
home, etc etc. All these expectations dont really make it easy for a working mother. After
a point, I know so many working mothers who just give up these every day fights and just
choose stay silent / ignore for the sake of their children, their own mental peace, and
their own well-being. Not every battle is worth fighting you see!

(vii) The Complex Indian meal: Again, this was not in my original list till I
spoke to working mothers from other parts of the world. And one thing which they all
mentioned was how little time they spent in the kitchen dishing up their meals

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especially once they become mothers Eating left-overs, cooking over week-ends and
storing food, getting take-away were all perfectly fine.

However, in many Indian homes these modern ways are not always OK
especially if there are children. The Indian meals have always been long drawn affairs
taking hours in the kitchen. And in many homes, every meal is supposed to be cooked
fresh and hot! Since many of us have grown up in homes where our mothers were homemakers, so our staple diet has been the traditional Indian meal invariably cooked and
served hot just-in-time. These are eating habits which have been built over 20+ years.
And it is tough to change habits overnight.

So with this generation of working mothers, it becomes a challenge to find that

balance between old habits, the lifestyle of today and overall health & wellness.

(viii) Health Issues / Lifestyle Disorders in the Family: I have seen too many
ambitious and successful working mothers whove had challenges in managing their
professional and personal life because of health related issues / lifestyle disorders in the
family (husband / children / their own). These range from obesity, to allergies (like
Asthma), to depression and psychological issues. For e.g.: An acquaintance who is a
Bollywood script-writer took a 2 year break because her son went into severe depression.
I heard of another IT professional whose 4 year old son simply stopped talking one fine
day. Medically, everything was normal. So the mother took a 6 month break from work to
just be there for him. I know of several working mothers who have been diagnosed with
anxiety related disorders, and again had to take a career break.

3)

ISSUES RELATED TO SOCIETY

(i) The society and era we live in: We call this era the Kalyug. Theres evil
everywhere. Lies, Theft, Cheating, Kidnapping, Stealing, Child Sex Abuse, etc. all are
part of everyday news: These are indeed not safe times. Simple things like travelling in
an auto or any public transport (more so in some cities) is unsafe. Even if you hire staff,
reliability is an issue; and many parents dont want to leave children with custody of
drivers / nannies till youre 100% confident. So what does that mean? One parent has to

17

cut-down on work; and be with the child. In majority of the cases, its the mother who is
expected to do this. And that does impact her career / professional growth

(ii) This Well-Known Male EGO: I dont need to say anything here. Suffice to
say, that the well-known male EGO is real and prevalent at home, at the workforce,
and in the world at large This can many times make things difficult for a women, and
more so for a working mother.

(iii) Lack of affordable quality child-care: Child-care costs are increasing with
each passing day. And with the kind of salaries and hikes which people are getting year
on year, many times it just does not make economic sense to enroll in child-care. So one
parent has to again cut down on work commitments and be with the child till he / she
starts formal school. Again, invariably it is the mother who ends up doing this! And this
could translate to a break of 3 5 years, after which she has to re-build her career. It takes
time, hard-work, lot of determination: which can be tough for many a working mother
especially if she has limited family support. As a consequence many women start their
second careers again either doing freelance work or take up other professions like
teaching, writing, etc.

(iv) The rising boom of extra-marital affairs: Again, this is indeed a reality of
modern India. One of the most vulnerable times for a man to get involved with other
women is after they become parents. Most mothers give their 200% to the maternal
duties and responsibilities. And at the same time, Ive seen so many intelligent, smart
men get involved into extra-marital affairs when they become fathers. Once a man is
involved in an extra-marital affair and you already have kids, it simply complicates the
family life equation. And for many women, the sheer emotional trauma, hurt and
uncertainty of the future compel them to pursue full-time high pressure careers so that
they can provide quality upbringing and life for their children.

(v) The Changing Face of Education and its Competitive Nature: Education
has changed in the past few decades, and it has become really competitive today. Just
keeping up with everyday home-work, assignments and school work can be a close to
full-time job for parents, especially if youre the kind who is completely involved in your
childs studies. Adding to this is the concept on Continuous assessments and

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evaluations in which kids have at least one two tests every week along with 1 project at
least in a fortnight. So you need to be on your toes almost all through the year.

4)

ISSUES RELATED TO THE ORGANIZATION

(i) Limited Organizational Support during transition phases: Most working

mothers goes through a phase of transition when their children are small and yet to start
formal education. During this phase, the most important factor that can make a difference
is flexibility at the work place. While several organizations do provide some level of
flexibility to women, and it is high on the priority list for several others There is a
considerable time lag between policy and action. So many working mothers have to make
tough choices which can come at the cost of their childs upbringing or their own
professional growth. These career breaks again come at a price in terms of a mothers
professional success.

(ii) Limited Mentorship / Guidance for working women during transition

phases: Having a real mentor can make an ocean of difference in the life and career of
working mothers. However, the sad reality of today is that many working mothers have
never really had mentors; and so they dont know what it means to have one or what
difference a mentor can make in your life. A mentor can provide the much needed ear,
shoulder and perspective on how to handle career transitions, career breaks / brakes and
also provide a long term career view on how to handle many of the critical career
milestones. Working mothers whove handled these situations in the past can make an
ocean of difference by just sharing their own personal journey and what worked for them.
There are no universal mantras, but many times just knowing that youre not in the boat
alone can provide the well needed motivation to keep going even with the going is
rough!

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DATA ANALYSIS
Mom vs. Mom: To stay or not to stay at home

To work or stay home that's a decision many women need to make when
they've had a baby. To ensure that their child is well taken care of, many mothers choose
to stay home.

On the contrary, a study by American Psychological Association points out,

working mothers may actually be the ones who are better off at raising children when
compared to those who stay at home. The study also reported that working mothers
enjoyed better health, lesser signs of depression and contributed more to a child's overall
learning opportunities. The ladies in Pune voice their opinions on the same.

Not true
Stay-home mums are the ones who have to let go of their ambitions and desires in
order to take care of their child, say a few. Actor Manini Mishra says, "The mother who
stays home instead of working sacrifices her aspirations and career to ensure that her
child is well taken care of. It is not easy to stay home, look after the house and also take
care of the child." Manini feels that stay-home mums contribute as much as a working
mother does or perhaps even more.

Absolutely right
Women are known to be good at multitasking, point out others. Multi-tasking
directly relates more efficiency. Actor Poonam Dhillon explains, "Working women are
always more capable and are good at multi-tasking. Working mums put in a lot more
effort to ensure they get to spend some quality time with their children too. This
contributes to the overall development of the child."

SOS Mummy!

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Actor Smita Jaykar feels that stay-home mums make their children dependent on
them for everything. She explains, "Stay-home mums tend to spoon-feed their children.
This curbs their independence." Smita also says she finds that her children are a lot more
independent than most kids their age.

Not applicable
A few others are of the opinion that since these studies are conducted abroad, they
have no relevance in India. Actor Renuka Shahane stresses on the health aspect. "This
study does not hold good for the women in India. Whether a woman is working or not
working, her work pressure remains the same. In the west, once women are back home,
they relax and rejuvenate. That is not the case here. A woman has to handle so many more
things here, and that could lead to a lot of stress," she explains.

Work is happiness
Personal happiness is always a driving force while taking crucial decisions, feel
others. Actor Manjari Phadnis elaborates, "The mothers who stay at home tend to center
their lives on their children. Working mothers, on the other hand, learn to manage home
and career and do both well. And managing them both gives them a sense of
accomplishment."

Don't worry, be happy

Film-maker Chitra Palekar feels that is 'no such thing as this is better than that'.
"If you are able to spend quality time with your child, then nothing likes it. Being happy
and the providing the space your child needs is the way to go about it." As long as both
the mother and child are happy, it is bound to contribute to the growth of the child.

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TESTING
It is often said that a mothers work is never done. I never quite understood the
true meaning of the quote, however, till I introspected and looked at all the black times
my life has been through. And looked at all the black times my life has been through. And
all through my mother stood cook, cleaner, washer, teacher, driver, guide, and
psychologist a beacon of hope in even the most trying of times. And it is then that I
realised that I may grow old, my hair may become like snow, my beard may grow long,
but always, always, as long as my mother is there I will lean on her strong shoulders for
emotional support,. And so I realise the truth of the statement: a mothers work is never
done.
When I was a baby, growing up in Allahabad, the holy land where three rivers
meet, I was spoilt by my aunts and my uncles, my grandparents and even by my greatgrandparents. We lived, after all, in a joint family, and my life was that of a little prince.
However, this was causing me to become spoilt and pampered. Noticing this, my mother
coerced my father into leaving the city altogether.
We moved to Dehradun, a beautiful valley which ensnared me and made me her
own the moment I set foot upon her land and gazed at the snow-capped peaks of the
Shiwalik mountains. However, for my mother it was no paradise. My father was forced to
leave as the ship which he piloted set sail sooner than was expected. My mother selected
a house on rent, positioned all our possessions, and took care of the house singlehandedly. After a while, my father returned, and our lives were perfect. My grades picked
up. Sometime later, my mothers girth started increasing at a rather alarming rate. She
was positively ballooning. I returned home one day, though, and was pleasantly surprised
to see my mother holding a baby girl in her arms. I was seven, and completely unable to
comprehend what had happened.
And my mother had no time for explanations. For she had now an additional
responsibility, a burden which she bore alone, since my father was sailing at the time. She
changed diapers, cooked, took Katyayani (the name for my sister was well chosen) to the
doctor, went to the bank, learnt driving, bought groceries When I look back now, I
realise how extraordinary her efforts were. But not once did she complain.
Finally, my sister had grown up to an extent, and now spoke (a lot), walked
around (more like ran, actually), and became less of a nuisance. Finally, I thought that the
burden on my mother was lessening. Now she could rest.
That was the year my father was diagnosed with leukaemia.

22

My mother collected all her energy, and put forth all her efforts. She travelled
constantly between Delhi, where my father was hospitalized, and Dehradun, reasoning
that our studies must not suffer. Meanwhile, my maternal grandmother shook off her old
age and came to stay with us in Dehradun, trying to restore a sense of normalcy to the
stricken household.
The battle with cancer lasted three long years, and inevitably, cancer prevailed.
By the end, my father had been reduced to a shell of his former self. His will was
indomitable, but the body can take only so much. And so I returned one day, to a house
filled to the brim with strangers, and yet strangely empty. I saw the face of my mother,
contorted with grief and anguish. I knew it had happened. I hugged my mother, and she
shrieked, a loud, animal, wailing, we had both lost the person we loved the most. And I
didnt even get to say goodbye.
My mother grieved, but she knew inside that she had not the time to sit at home
and weep. She had now greater responsibilities. She must become a breadwinner. She
must finance my education. She could not rest.
Within two months, my mother was working. Yet there was no compromise on
food, no compromise on hygiene. We were a troubled family, but my mother was doing
battle. From the moment that she woke up at five in the morning, till she finally fell into
blessed sleep, she did not rest. Later, she told me that all she wanted to do was rest. All
she wanted to do was sleep. But she knew that that was too much to ask for.
And Robert Frost sprang to mind.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have miles to go before I sleep,
Miles to go before I sleep.
And so my mother, weary, battled on. Not resting, just working. For that was her
fate, that was her destiny. And today, our house has somehow stabilized. All because of
my mothers superhuman efforts. I have no doubt that my mother is the glue holding us
together. And years from now, when her face is seamed with age, I will take care of her. I
love her. She will stay with me. But even then, she will be my support. For my mother
has the wisdom which comes only with age and with having taken all that life can throw
at you and still remaining standing. Swayed, but standing.
I miss the twinkling eyes of my father, his warmth, his love. But my mother has
taken on my fathers responsibility too, and done it well to the very best of her abilities.

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Napoleon once said Give my great mothers, and I will give you a great nation.
His words ring true even today. Foe while it takes a good mother to raise a family, it takes
a great one to build a family after it has been razed to the ground and stay sane. Her
duties will never end, for she is a true guardian, a pillar of strength in even the blackest of
times.
God couldnt come down himself, so he sent my mother instead.
What I would've said if I were Erik Erickson is this: the ideal way for kids to be
raised that gives them the best chance to succeed is for the mom to stay at home and the
dad to work. However, a mom can be the breadwinner and still successfully raise kids, as
long as she's able to work at her job and still give her kids the love and attention they
need, and instill in them the values that they need to be good and successful men and
women. What the working mom lacks in time she can make up for in intensity. She can
still affirm her kids and give them the foundation they need to succeed, perfect example
is Ben Carson's mom. The most important thing is not the amount of time the mom
spends with her kids, although that's important, it's the example she sets for them and the
foundation she gives them. That being said, feminists have changed our culture to t he
point where women who stay at home are looked down on and young women are
discouraged from putting their kids first. They're told to always put themselves first, and
that's not right because they end up neglecting their kids. Bottom li ne is this: a woman
should have kids knowing her kids must always come first, and if she can do that while
working, more power to her, but if she can't put the m first while working, she should
make the sacrifice of staying home. Cause if you dont wanna put your kids ahead of your
own goals and desires if necessary, t hen you shouldn't have had kids in the first place.
The most important point i s that a kid needs a father and mother and the reason there are
more moms who are the breadwinner than ever before is because there are more single
moms than ever before, and that's due to the breakdown of the family. The real problem
we're dealing with isn't moms who work while raising their kids, it's moms who have to
work and raise kids without a father. Sometimes this is their fault for having the kids out
of wedlock with a father they knew wasn't gonna stick around, sometimes it's the father's
fault for abandoning them after convincing the mom he would be there for her. But more
often than not, especially in the minority com munities around the country, it's the fault of
both the mom and dad who both aren't ready to raise a kid and either have one
unintentionally, or have them for t he wrong reasons like giving them a sense of purpose
when their life wasn't going anywhere, or having someone who will love them when no
one else does. You should only have a kid if you're physically and emotionally ready to
raise them and willing to make sacrifices for them. To me, whether or not the mother in a
two parent household works is a side issue, with the main issue being the breakdown of
the nuclear family and how feminists have poisoned the minds of so many young women

24

who are now afraid of having kids or at least having more than one because they think it
will take away their freedom and ruin their hopes and dreams. The women who either
stay at home all the time, some of the time, or take a job or career that wasn't their first
choice because it gives them more flexibility to raise their kids, these women deserve
praise and should be used as examples of what a mother should be like. Instead, they're
looked down on and mocked in our media and culture, and this hurts both the women and
all the kids who don't get the love and attention they need because of the choices their
moms make based on the feminist ideology they were influenced by. This ideology says
that me n and women are equal and interchangeable, when that simply isn't true. They de
serve equal respect and opportunity, but they aren't equal and never will be. There are
some things only men can do, and some things only women can do. Denying that is
simply denying reality due to one's own selfishness. We need to go back to the way things
used to be when it was ok for men and women not to be equal , but to be complimentary,
meaning they compliment each other, or make up for each other's weaknesses. This is
how we were created and why we are attracted to each other. If all men and women were
equal there'd be a lot more gay people cause a man being attracted to a man would be the
same thing as a man being attracted to a woman since the man and woman would be seen
as equal. Women who embrace this complimentarily and the traditional role of a man as
the breadwinner and the leader of the family shouldn't be mocked, but rather be seen as
just being w ho they are and embracing their femininity. I believe this virulent strain of
feminism is what has feminized so many men in this country. Men don't wanna be men
and don't wanna be leaders anymore because they figure there are so many women who
wanna have the dominant role, so why should they make the effort? It's a lot more
tempting to be a partying bachelor with no responsibilities when many of the women you
meet aren't looking for committed relationships and just want a one night stand. When a
woman shows you she's interested in a long term relationship and wants to have a family,
that gives a man the signal that it's time for him to be a man, to step up and fill the
leadership role he was meant to fill. So the men who use the changing culture as an
excuse are partly at fault, but imo the primary blame lies with the women who have
bought into the feminist ideology that tells them to put themselves above any man they
might be in a relationship with and above any kids they might have. Their behavior
provides an incentive for men to wanna avoid having kids because the potential mom
isn't showing an interest in being their primary caregiver, regardless of whether or not
she' d be working. In other words, it's "feminist" women who are making it more likely
for our men to remain boys and avoid all the responsibilities that comes with being a man
and the leader of a family. That brings us full circle back to the breakdown of the family
and having so many single parent moms. Those feminists got what they wanted,
independence and equality with their male counterparts, but what they lost was much
greater: their feminity and nurturing role, and the ability to provide a solid upbringing for

25

their kids since they're doing it without a father who will teach and show the boys how to
be men. Makes me think of what it says in the Bible, " what does it matter if a man (in
this case a woman) gains the whole world but loses his soul?" Single parent moms have
to be the father and mother in the family, and by trying to be both at all times and in al l
situations, they lose a lot of both. All the times that mom is trying to play the role of the
father, she's depriving her kids of the mother they need, and all the times she's trying to
play the nurturing role of the mother, she's depriving them of the father they need. This is
why a mother and father is needed in every family, cause they each do for their kids what
the other can't do, and by complimenting each other, provide their kids with the proper
male and female role models they need in order to be strong, moral, and stable men and
women.

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CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION

Working is 'better for mother's health' than staying at home

Mothers with jobs tend to be healthier and happier than those who stay at home
during their childrens early years, it has been found. Working part-time is better for
mothers than staying at home to raise the children or working full-time, it has been found.
Over 1,300 women were interview and followed up for ten years. It was found that parttime mothers reported better health and fewer symptoms of depression than those who
stayed at home. Meanwhile there was no difference between the general health and
depressive symptoms of those who worked part-time or full-time, it was found.
Lead author Prof Cheryl Buehler, professor of human development and family
studies, at the University of North Carolina, America, said: "In all cases with significant
differences in maternal wellbeing, such as conflict between work and family or parenting,
the comparison favoured part-time work over full-time or not working. However, in
many cases the wellbeing of moms working part time was no different from moms
working full time.
The findings were published in the Journal of Family Psychology. Around a
quarter of women in the study worked part-time, defined as between one and 32 hours a
week but this varied as their children grew. It was also found that the part-time and fulltime working mothers both felt that working supported family life and their ability to be a
better parent, Prof Buehler wrote.
The analysis found that mothers employed part time were just as involved in their
childs school as stay-at-home mothers, and more involved than moms who worked full
time. In addition, mothers working part-time appeared more sensitive with their
preschool children, when they were videoed with their children and watched by trained
observers, and they provided more learning opportunities for toddlers than stay-at-home
mothers and mothers working full time. Learning opportunities were measured as taking
children on outings and providing lessons or membership of clubs to support their talents.
The researchers analysed National Institute for Child Health and Human
Development Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development data.
Study co-author Prof Marion OBrien, professor of human development and
family studies, said: Employers tend to use part-time work as a money-saving strategy
and to consider part-time employees as both expendable and not worthy of investment
through the provision of benefits, training, or career advancement.

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"During times of economic stress, when both mothers and fathers may feel a need
to maximise their income, part-time work is even more likely to be a cost-saving measure
for employers.
"Yet part-time work seems to be contributing to the strength and wellbeing of
families. It is likely that many mothers (and probably some fathers as well) would elect to
work part time if this status were recognised by employers as a legitimate approach to
building a career while maintaining a healthy family life.
"Since part-time work seems to contribute to the strength and wellbeing of
families, it would be beneficial to employers if they provide fringe benefits, at least
proportionally, to part-time employees as well as offer them career ladders through
training and promotion."

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

http://www.workingmother.com/best-companies/2014-working-mother-100-bestcompanies.

http://www.indiaparenting.com/raising-children/129_254/the-workingmother.html

http://www.studymode.com/subjects/working-mothers-are-an-asset-to-the-familyessays-and-term-papers-page1.html

http://articles.economictimes.indiatimes.com/2013-0402/news/38218056_1_mccamish-infosys-bpo-working-mother

http://csd.wustl.edu/Publications/Documents/wp02-9.pdf

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