SEX EVOLUTION

The Jakarta post/ Mon, 03/10/2008 5:55 PM/

The end of the repressive New Order regime along with greater accessibility to information in the
cyber-age has opened the floodgates of sexual experimentation in the past decade. While not
everybody is doing it, at least they are talking about it. Maggie Tiojakin reports.

Sex is fun, says Rahma, 21, a communications major at a leading university in Jakarta. I
dont make a big deal out of it. It is my body, my life. I dont care what anybody else
thinks. Even just 10 years ago, her openness about her sex life would have been daring
if not downright shocking in traditionally conservative Indonesia. Nice girls did not have
sex, and if they did, they definitely did not admit it.
According to a recent survey by the National Family Planning Board, Rahmas opinion is
shared by about 20 percent of young women and men between the ages of 21 and25. A
disturbing number to some, simply a natural progression to others. Following the
downfall of the New Order regime, democracy in Indonesia has taken an unexpected,
chaotic turn. Suddenly and unexpectedly free to vent once repressed thoughts, ideas and
desires, Indonesian society is scrambling to deal with its newfound freedoms. The media,
artists and entertainment executives are basking in the glow of the permissiveness. A
society that was sheltered from outside influences for more than 30 years is now on a
quest of discovery, including in sexual matters. That extends to pushing the sexual
boundaries through premarital sex and experimentation.
What youre looking at now is something that cant be helped, says S. Natanagara, a
lecturer in psychology and behavioral sciences at Padjadjaran University in Bandung. Its
been a long time coming. The bigger question is how we deal with the issue, not why we
have to deal with it.
That is easier said than done. Social scientists and religious advocates are decrying what
they consider the degradation of morals and the loss of traditional values brought by
unchecked freedom.
Suddenly, sex is everywhere. No longer does discussion of sexuality have to be couched
in dry, medical jargon that indicates its designated place is in the bedroom of married
couples. Sex experts have become talk show regulars, lifestyle magazines have columns
devoted to solving sexual problems and an onscreen kiss is now tame stuff on the big
screen.
Radio stations are also hip to the new trend. Kamajaya FM, a family oriented broadcaster,
includes among its weekly discussion topics penis enlargement, hymen restoration,
breast implants and premature ejaculation, with an on-air Q&A segment moderated by
an expert.
Literature has also lifted the covers on sexuality. In 1998, following the publication of her
debut novel, Saman, Ayu Utami was hailed as a writer who dared to address previously
taboo subjects including sexual abuse and homosexuality -- in graphic terms. For some,
it was even more shocking that it was a woman spouting the dirty talk, but she led the
way for a whole generation of young women writers -- Djenar Maesa Ayu, Fira Basuki and
Dewi Lestari willing to be up front about sex.
In 2003, Galang Press published Jakarta Undercover, journalist Moammar Emkas
chronicle of the sexual smorgasbord available in the capital. The book shocked many and
led to numerous talk show discussions on the crumbling moral fiber of Indonesian society.

Emka discounts the suggestion that Indonesia is in the midst of a sexual revolution
similar to the U.S. in the 1960s. No, this is definitely not a revolution, he says, raising
his eyebrows in surprise. What were going through right now is a sexual evolution. A
revolution requires social awareness, acceptance.
Still, the change to greater permissiveness is phenomenal.
Andi, 27, a manager at an IT company, didnt lose his virginity until he was 25. Back in
those days, losing your virginity before you finished college was I mean, its cool, but a
little scary. Girls didnt like guys who slept around, you know?
Today, the dynamics are very different. Sex is sex, Andi says. Its mystery has been
revealed, and its beginning to lose some of its magic. Not unlike marriage. My female
friends are also sexually active, and none of them is married yet. Its fine. I dont judge
them, they dont judge me.
Asked about the one thing he never thought he would or could do sexually, Andi lets out
a quiet laugh. Having a sex buddyno strings attached, he whispers. Its something I
thought only happens in the movies, Western movies. But, I assure you, it happens in real
life, too.
What about cyber-sex? Oh, I dont do that stuff, he shrugs. Its pathetic.
In an era of advanced technology and mass communication, sex has become a cheap
commodity that can be accessed from anywhere in the world through the Internet, cell
phones and video players.
Hence, a number of scandals involving the distribution of pornographic photos of local
celebrities, a House member and ordinary citizens surreptitiously caught in the act on
camera.
There also are a growing number of local cyber communities offering something for
everyone, from gays and lesbians to swingers, as well as the voyeurs who take a peek to
satisfy their curiosity.
Ricky is a 40-year-old married executive who was raised in a conservative family. He is
almost giddy when he talks about one of the websites that he frequently visits.
Its amazing, he says, grinning broadly. I mean, they have news, too, but most of it is
about sex. Its hard to believe some of the things people get up to.
So is technology to blame for the pervasiveness of porn and the effect on morals?
We have a tendency to point to an external factor as a source of trouble, answers
university lecturer Natanagara. Its easy, because in doing that we dont have to face
our own demons.
When it comes to technology, Natanagara adds, it is just another form of expression.
You can try and play anti-sexual cyber police, but I doubt thats going to stop the flow.
The flow, at the moment, involves a whole generation of young adults attempting to
redefine the concept of sexuality. Lacking sufficient knowledge on the issue, they are like
greedy children let loose inside a candy store and ignoring the horrible stomach ache
that awaits them at the end of their binge.
But there are holdouts who refuse to jump on the sexual bandwagon. Martini Surya, a 30year-old science teacher at an international school, firmly believes in abstinence before
marriage. Its not a religious thing, she says. I understand desire, I have desires like
everyone else. The difference is I choose to control it, instead of letting it control me. As

an educator, Martini believes people are like sponges that absorb the influences of their
surroundings. In her case, most of her friends have never had sexual intercourse,
although they have been in their fair share of romantic relationships. She says she has
never felt peer pressure to experiment.
College student Rahma acknowledges that her attitudes are shocking to older
Indonesians. OK, maybe what Ive been doing is wrong by my parents standards, she
says. But this isnt 1975 and no one my age dances to keroncong tunes anymore. My
point is that time goes on. They had their turn, now its mine.
Despite the much-touted sexual r/evolution, some attitudes still die hard, especially
when it comes to the issue of virginity for Indonesian women.
One of the more sanctimonious symbols of purity, the majority of Indonesian men still
prefer and expect to marry virgin brides. Yet, according to a 2006 study, more than 50
percent of men and women in their late 20s and early 30s have had premarital sex.
This has led to a profitable business in hymen repair surgery to ensure there are no
uncomfortable questions from in-laws on the wedding night. Ah, hypocrisy, laughs
journalist Emka. When you think about it, the numbers dont add up, do they? He grins
comically. Well, were just full of surprises that way.
Currently single, Rahma says she isnt worried about virginity. The man she eventually
marries is going to accept her for who she is and what she stands for. Sexual freedom is
not a bad thing, she explains, its the next step toward social growth. Is it a revolution?
Rahma says, shaking her head. I dont know. You tell me.
SEX ISNT PORNO ANYMORE
Dr. Ryan Thamrin is a new name in the ranks of Indonesias celebrity sex therapists. The
fact that his is a young and attractive face certainly has not hurt his career. The women
who send questions to his magazine column sometimes address him as Handsome Dr.
Ryan, while the celebrity website Kroscek swoons over his Hugo Boss cologne and his
preference for picnicking in the mountains rather than going to nightclubs.
Dr. Ryan attended medical school at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, and went to
Thailand to get his S-2 (masters degree) focusing on sex and health. Since he often
leads question-and-answer sessions in seminars and magazines and on television, he has
unique insights into what Indonesians are thinking and wondering about sex.
Sex has been a taboo, so people viewed sex as porno; it couldnt be reconciled with
eastern culture, he notes. But in the last five years, slowly, weve become more open in
a positive way about sex, so people can see it in a broad way, not as just intercourse
but also attentiveness, such as flirting, kissing, hugging, that is actually sex too. So sex
isnt porno anymore.
Still, he says, theres a need for sex education here. The questions he gets asked most
frequently reveal that many people still lack basic information.
Most teenagers who havent married yet ask how to have sex without getting pregnant,
he says. After marriage, his audience wants to know more about the mechanics of
intercourse. The most frequent is sexual function for women and men. Why doesnt my
husband last long during sex, and how can a woman attain orgasm? Women also
complain about pain during or after sex, he adds. This is sometimes connected to
menopause, but can also result from that same lack of basic information.

Sometimes they forget to do foreplay, he says, The natural lubrication process of the
vagina doesnt happen, so penetration becomes a little painful.
Even though theres more openness about sex, Dr. Ryan says, traditional notions of
gender roles still prevail: Theres still a strong idea that, in terms of marriage, the one
holding the reins is the husband. The woman just has to serve him, with no time or very
little opportunity for her own right to enjoy sex .
Women can help their own cause by speaking up, he says. We think our partner
understands what we want. So we keep quiet about sex as if our husband already knows
our desires. But he might not.
As for men, some of them need to understand that size is not the only thing that matters.
There is still a widespread belief that a womans satisfaction is based on the size of Mr.
Happy, Dr. Ryan explains. In surveys weve done, a fairly large percentage of women
say theyre afraid of organs that are too big, because they can make intercourse and
oral sex painful or just tiring.
Men focus on size as a source of self confidence, Dr. Ryan concludes. But in the end,
theyre disappointed.