Waking up to go to church on Sunday mornings has always been a

beautiful thing. However, staying out late on Saturday nights does make
waking up on Sunday morning a tougher task than usual. Growing up in
a traditional church, I was taught that my attire should be presentable;
in todays society, most would call it a "business casual" look. Not only
did we dress accordingly to respect the house of God, but hey, you
never knew who was going to visit your church so you always stayed
sharp, especially if you were single. The mentality that most men and
women have is that "Church is the best place to find a partner".
Personally I agree with this notion. So my question to believers is, "why
are there so many single women in the church are they doing
something wrong"? This question has been asked countless times and
has even been analyzed by Christian relationship experts. As a man of
God who desires to unite with a Christian woman, I decided to do my
own research with the intention of forming a hypothesis from a young
believers point of view. Of course I couldn't do this by myself, so I
interviewed several single Christian women who shared some
interesting points of view as well.
Writing on such an intriguing topic was somewhat intimating because
of the vast amount of information to be discussed. I also had some
concerns about what others might think of my interpretation and
conclusion, affecting so many women of God. First and foremost
women are very interesting and unique. Their power over a man is
beyond measure. They can make a man the happiest or the saddest
man on Earth all in one day. When you think about women and how
they operate its quite difficult to understand how they do the things
they do. Ironically, while writing this article the song "Superwoman" by
Alicia Keys was one of the songs that played on my ITunes playlist. I
certainly took that as a sign of how extraordinary women really are.
Women carry more titles than the Lakers and the Celtics combined. If
you know anything about basketball you know thats a whole lot of
titles! In a previous article, I wrote about how men arent Manning-Up
and taking care business which puts the woman in a position where she
has to literally become a "superwoman" to play both roles as mother
and father. Fortunately I was raised by both of my parents in a good
Godly Christian household. Though both parents were there and very
much active in their children's lives, I noticed something special and
unique about how my mother handled her many roles as a mother,
wife, first lady, business owner, counselor, friend, daughter, sister,
teacher, minister and community activist. To this day we still don't know
how my mom juggles all her titles and remains positive, strong and sane
in each role. We know we account God for sure, but its just amazing
how she mastered this "art". Yes, my mother is a very special person,
but we have women all over the world doing the same thing, daily. Just
think, my mom has my dads help and support. One can only imagine if

she was a single mother trying to accomplish all of those

responsibilities by herself. God has a special calling for women like my
mother who endure and successfully accomplish multiple task/roles. A
superwoman is what we want to call these ladies, but a more suiting
title would be a super God working through that woman.
When it comes to attending church, you can go back as far as you want,
but you'll always see more women than men in the church. Women are
usually so faithful. They attend prayer meetings, bible studies, witness
outreach meetings or any other church related activity during the week.
Men on the other hand, youre lucky if you get us to show up on
Sundays, especially during the NFL football season. You know you truly
have a committed Man of God if he's in church when his favorite
football team is playing on Sunday. Its been said that the male to
female ratio in church is one man to every five women. Thats quite a
difference and shows the obvious female dominance in the church. So
many households are divided because of that difference. If the man
doesn't attend church, who then puts the house in order? Things then
begin to slowly but surely affect the household because the man
doesn't man-Up, put God first and set an example for his family. When
asked the question, one young lady said "It might not even be that
some women are single but that theyre dating or married to men who
don't hold the principle of living for God and therefore don't come to
church at all". This is true and again its a house divided thats going to
eventually cause some type of strife or conflict within the relationship.
God is supposed to be that foundation. So usually the women are in
and the men are out, so you know when it comes to reasoning the
woman has her upright Christian Godly point of view while the man's
thinking is still of the world. This is not how God wanted our
relationships or marriages to function. He wants us to go after Him
together and grow together, remember iron sharpens iron.
Now that we know for a fact that women dominate the membership in
the church, what do you think happens next? You have to question if
that must bring about some sort of competition amongst other single
women in the church. The numbers for men in the church are already
scarce, but think about how few single men are in the church. Since
there only a few single men in the church, the single women in some
sort of way have to make her presence known. The majority of the time
the attention seeking behaviors are obvious in the woman's attire.
Women are wearing clothing to church that would attract both a Godly
man and a worldly man. They are showing sex appeal to guys in and out
of church. Something is definitely wrong with that picture. Basically,
how do they get the attention they desire and still keep their
Christianity intact? To answer that question I called up another woman
of God who lives in Shreveport, LA. She stated that "Single women

should make themselves available by being active in church, look good

but not trashy, be the best single woman you can be and do everything
you can do to be ready for when your soul mate comes along. In
Romans 4:17 it says for us to call on those things which be not as
though they were. She also mentioned how Paul said that if you can be
single thats actually a good thing so you can only focus on God.
Personally I agree with her points and could even apply it into my life.
As a single man, I myself have to use that as my motivation. Its tough
being single, especially in a place like Los Angeles where the women
are as beautiful as the weather. When looking for a mate we also have
to tone down our expectations. Here we're looking or Mr. or Mrs.
Perfect and we're far from perfection ourselves. We have to leave the
baggage at home, there is never going to be a perfect man or perfect
woman out there, point blank period. We have to learn to accept our
own imperfections and get over the minor stuff. As long as he or she
values and beliefs are intact and can provide financially we have to
then answer the door when God is knocking.
The vast majority of single women in the church stem from bad
previous relationships or experiences with men in their life. They have
usually been hurt by someone they loved and or just never found a
significant other who was impressed by more than a physical attraction.
In pursuit of your soul mate we have to stop looking for this perfect
mate who you think is going to sweep you off your feet. The fact
remains that life is not a fairytale. We can confess and wish all day long
that Mr. or Mrs. Right will come along and endow us with their love, but
it just doesn't always work that way. James 2:14 it says faith without
works is dead. We have to do more than just believe God for our mates,
we have to put our faith into action to achieve desired results.
Another beautiful single "sista" had this to say about my question, I
think there is a role reversal amongst men and women, where men
desire to be approached and women cling to the traditional roles, by
wanting to be approached by the man". Being raised in the South,
where I was taught to be a complete gentleman, credit my father, its
hard for me to believe that another man wants a woman to approach
him and show interest to him. I think this is the new generation of a
man whose ego is so enormous; he believes that a woman should
approach him first. Personally, I have a certain way of showing my
interest in a woman. After I approach her with my very charming yet
intellectual greeting, I then try and figure out whether this woman and I
could possibly be compatible with each other. I then tell her that I
would love to get to know her more and for her to take my number
down and lets go from there. Remember, I'm writing this article from a
single, 24 year old, mans perspective. Im saying that to say, obviously
I'm not the love doctor but, I do feel very confident when I meet women

I like. Believe it or not this approach has been successful for me for
some years now; its the perfect balanced approach. The man shows
initial interest, then the two converse, then the man shows a follow-up
interest by telling the woman to take his number down so they can
further their liking for one another only if she feels the same. Lastly the
ball is then put into the woman's court to make a decision whether she
wants to actually get to know the guy more by texting or calling the guy
to confirm her interest. Simple enough?
Its kind of hard to believe, but in some strange sort of way I still think a
lot of women, including church women are attracted to that bad boy
tough guy. Its like they'll go after him because he's considered a tough
catch and miraculously believe they can transform him into this macho
Christian guy. Instead of them transforming him, he eventually rubs off
on her and transforms her into this exotic Christian girl who starts
desiring worldly things. This is happening everyday within relationships;
people are compromising more than ever. They'd rather be with
someone even though he or she doesn't meet their criteria, whether its
values beliefs physical attraction or just intellect. They'd rather be with
anybody than be by themselves. This is so sad when it comes to
relationships. We have to deter the present satisfaction for long term
gratification, substance is necessary in choosing your mate. These are
things God wants us to use our common sense for.
Whether youre in or out of the church, dating has always been quite
an interesting experience. Sometime the two match up well and
sometimes they don't. Unfortunately, thats just a part of dating. Many
times we as Christians go out and try to find our own mate. Our dating
experience as Christians are sometimes successful and in other times
not so successful. What I wonder is why do we do something our own
way and then go complaining to Our Heavenly Father about the
outcome. Many times God just wants us to be still and know that He is.
It says in Isaiah 40:31; but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew
their strength. Good things come to those who wait, granted we do
have to implement action but to wait on a called purpose is key. Coach
Tony Dungy says a quote I love, he says "God called us to be faithful,
not successful but if you remember this you will end up being both".
That is such a powerful statement and it can also be used the same way
with relationships. Our Heavenly Father calls on us to be faithful and
not to put our soul mate before Him. If you remember this, you'll end up
with God Almighty and your desired soul mate.
Luke 12:48 states; to whom much is given, much is required. After my
countless relationships over the years and my knowledge on the
subject, I knew that I was in a position to help others along their single
walk. I knew without a doubt in my heart that there was only one

answer to this question we've been talking about. The answers I

received from my interviews were right on target, but my answer is
really within the title of this article," Seek God first and He'll provide
your SOUL mate 2nd. Sounds like a catchy title but there is so much
revelation in that title. Our Heavenly Father is a jealous God and He
doesn't want any man or woman to be put before him. Once you
remember to put God first he'll manifest your dreams and desires
according to your faith. Even if you do meet your "soul mate" without
God, if your relationship isn't based on God's principles and your not
living accordingly, your relationship will not stand on just physical
attraction alone. Even for those living in the natural it takes more than
just physical attraction to keep each other interested. If your house isn't
built with a solid foundation it will eventually crumble. That foundation
is God's word. Once we understand that, we'll begin to see the benefits
of righteousness.
Sometimes its hard for us to understand how can we go after God and
end up with our desired soul mate. We as believers have to do just that
"believe" and stand on Gods word. Ever since the beginning of time
when God made Adam he also made Eve to be Adams helpmate. If we
just go off of that, I think thats good enough, Our Heavenly Father
knows the desire of our hearts. He knows we want to be in love,
experience marriage and have a lasting bond with our spouse. I love to
tell the story of my own parents and how the two me, while both
seeking after God. Both of my parents had just gotten serious about the
things of God and were still "baby" Christians trying to find themselves.
My mom actually had finance when they first met. At the time, both of
my parents were new members of Crenshaw Christian Center located
in Los Angeles, CA., but met at Rev. Kenneth Hagins Campmeeting in
Tulsa, Oklahoma. Surprisingly the two never met while attending
Crenshaw. Through a mutual friend they were introduced, vowing that
they would stay in contact with each other when arriving back in L.A.
As time went by and the two continued to seek after God first. He made
a way where my mom got released from the situation she was in and of
course my dad ran for the opportunity to befriend her, in a more
affectionate way. As time went by, the two stayed committed to their
walk with the Lord and living uprightly they eventually got married a few
months later. The point I'm trying to make is how they both sought after
God first and then each other. Our Heavenly Father appointed them to
meet, befriend, grow and ultimately be together. Our Heavenly Father
takes care of those who love him.
As single men and women of God, we have to simply believe God for
our mate. Our faith plays a big part in us finding our mate. We have to
begin to exercise our faith on the little things to help develop it for
bigger things, like our help mate. Believe God for the love you desire

with your future spouse. What God does for one, he will do for all. We
have to hold fast to Gods promises and take Him at His word. He
doesn't just want a few of his children happily married with a family,
living life abundantly, He wants that for ALL of His children. So, lets
move forward with the understanding of seeking God first and then our
soul mate second. Stay ready and be blessed on your journey with God,
Love, & Happiness.
Peace & Love,
Perrilloux II