The Approval Style

"Lean too much upon the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of
thorns." Chinese Proverb

Show Me My Circumplex

The Approval scale measures our need to be accepted by others to increase or

sustain our feelings of self-worth. While the desire to be approved of is natural,
problems occur when approval-seeking becomes a need, and ultimately our
standard way of interacting with others. When we need approval, we typically try to
please everyone but ourselves. An excessive need for approval is essentially an
"emotional give-away" in the interest of being liked and accepted, we'll "give
away" our beliefs, values, goals, sense of personal worth, direction in life, and ability
to make our own decisions.

Approval-seekers base their level of self-worth on how consistently they feel

accepted. Their need for approval originates in a fear of rejection.
Approval-seekers typically concentrate more intently on the impression they are
making than on forming healthy relationships. They are so anxious to please that
they tend to take cues on how to behave from those around them, saying and doing
only what they think others expect.

In general, this style is characterized by:

Low self-esteem
Preoccupation with the opinions of others
An over-concern with being "popular" and well-liked
A tendency to be too agreeable, "wishy-washy" and compliant
Difficulties with conflict, negotiation and confrontation

The Approval-Seeking Manager

In a leadership position, the need for approval can cause indecisiveness,

procrastination, and failure to take action. Approval-seeking managers tend to
delegate work inconsistently and resolve conflicts unsatisfactorily. While these
managers may seek staff involvement in decision making, they do so not to achieve
better results, but to avoid being held solely accountable for an "unpopular"
decision.

Your Results on the Approval Style

Your results on this style, as indicated by the , are in the medium range. Thus it is
likely that you'll find the following to be descriptive of you:

Approval Scores in the Medium Range

Look at your score carefully to determine its closeness to the High or Low range. If
you scored closer to the High range, you tend to feel it is important to be liked and
accepted by others. Consequently, you sometimes go out of your way to gain
approval, and may feel disappointed and resentful when you don't receive it.

If you scored closer to the Low range, you are not as likely to have a strong need
for approval. While you may occasionally "go along to get along," you more often
prefer to voice your opinions, and tend to be guided by your own beliefs and values.

People with scores in the high and low ranges may exhibit different thinking and
behavioral tendencies that those described above. While your score did not fall in
those ranges, you may find the following descriptions useful:

Approval Scores in the High Range

You typically work too hard to gain the approval of others. If you do not get people's
full acceptance, you tend to feel anxious. Although you may not always agree, you
probably "go along" with others too easily and often.

Approval Scores in the Low Range

You appreciate approval when it comes your way, but you do not need it. Not
needing approval frees you to speak and act according to your own feelings, and to
rely on your own judgment and instincts. Because you are not preoccupied with
being accepted by others, you can concentrate on your own growth and fulfillment.

How Approval Relates to Other Styles

Note: In this section, statements that are followed by a green , indicate statements
that are relevant to your profile. Other statements, followed by a red , indicate
statements that may not apply directly to you. These statements may still be of
interest in that they describe how the different styles work together.

Your Conventional (4 o'clock position) and Dependent (5 o'clock position) scores are
likely to be influenced by your Approval score. All three styles are concerned with
protecting one's sense of security and sustaining self-worth by doing what others
expect.

Strengthening your Self-Actualizing (12 o'clock position) and HumanisticEncouraging (1 o'clock position) behavior can help reduce a higher Approval score.
Instead of worrying about others' feelings toward them, individuals using these two
styles focus on how they feel about others, and are able to consistently
demonstrate their appreciation for people. In short, they are able to care rather than
having to be cared for.

Your score for the Affiliative (2 o'clock position) style can be affected by a higher
Approval score. Approval-seeking results in one-sided relationships: while you want
others to demonstrate good feelings toward you, you may be unable to return these
feelings. In contrast, the Affiliative style is characterized by the ability to form
meaningful relationships based on mutual caring and respect.

Your Competitive (9 o'clock position), Perfectionistic (10 o'clock position) and

Approval scores all reflect a reliance upon outside (extrinsic) sources to provide
feelings of self-worth. To reduce higher scores for these potentially self-defeating
styles, recognize that your sense of self-worth is intrinsic: it must originate within
you.

Becoming More Effective: Steps To Change

Needing approval creates unhealthy dependencies on co-workers, friends and

family. Learning to believe in yourself and focusing on what you think and feel can
help you begin acting in your own best interest.

The more these statements describe you, the more you currently need Approval:

Overly concerned with being liked and accepted

Insecure about your abilities
Feel unsure even when you know what to do
A follower rather than a leader
Say and do things just to make an impression
Prefer to imitate others rather than be yourself
Reluctant to express your opinion
Easily intimidated
Use these suggestions to reduce a need for Approval:

Voice your own opinions. Learn to think and act for yourself. Accept the fact that not
everything you do will be met with approval.
Learn to become more self-directed by setting some personal goals. Start by setting
a goal around something simple, work to accomplish it, and congratulate yourself
on your achievement.
Recognize that you are a valuable person simply because you're you - not because
people like or approve of you.
Realize that approval-seeking can result in one-sided relationships. Others may take
advantage of you knowing that you won't complain and risk losing their approval.
Practice facing confrontations. Learn to handle conflict constructively.
Examine your need for approval, and think about how you may have developed it.
Ask yourself why you accepted this need in the first place, and why you continue to
accept it.
Talk to yourself when you encounter disapproval. Tell yourself that the words and
actions of another are just that; no more, no less. They do not affect your feelings of
self-worth unless you allow them to.

Write down what you hear yourself say. Learn to identify and change speech
patterns that reflect a need for approval.
Recognize your strong points. Write down all the things that make you special, and
refer to this list often. Learn to focus on your unique strengths and skills.
Reducing a need for Approval can result in these benefits:

Reduced levels of stress

Heightened interest in personal growth and development
The belief that your opinions matter
Improved relationships based on mutual respect
The ability to relax and be yourself around others
Confidence in your ability to handle conflict
Stronger, well-defined beliefs, convictions and goals
More energy to devote to enjoying life
The knowledge that people's opinions cannot jeopardize your sense of personal
security