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John Lordave Javier Bsed 4 Pehma

Assertive, Aggressive and Passive Behaviour

Behaviour which enables a person to act in his or her own best
interest, to stand up for herself or himself, without undue anxiety, to express
honest feeling comfortably, or to exercise personal rights without denying
Let us examine the element of that complex sentence in greater detail.
To act in one's own best interest: refers to the capacity to make life decisions
(career, relationship, life style, time activities), to take initiative (start
conversations, organize activities), to trust one's own judgment, to set goals
and work to achieve them, to ask for help from others, to comfortably
To stand up for oneself: includes such behaviours as saying `No', setting
limits on one's time and energy, responding to criticism, or putdowns or
anger, expressing or supporting or defending one's opinions.
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without
being aggressive. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a
communication. Dorland's
Dictionary defines assertiveness as: "a form of behavior characterized by a
confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof;
this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively
threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or
submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of

Aggressive behaviour is behaviour that causes physical or emotional
harm to others, or threatens to. It can range from verbal abuse to the
destruction of a victims personal property. People with aggressive behaviour
tend to be irritable, impulsive, and restless.

Aggressive behavior is intentional, meaning its done on purpose,

violates social norms, and causes a breakdown in a relationship. Emotional
problems are the most common cause of aggressive behavior.
Occasional outbursts of aggression are common and even normal.
Aggressive behavior is a problem because it occurs frequently or in a
pattern. Generally speaking, aggressive behavior stems from an inability to
control behavior, or from a misunderstanding of what behaviors are
Aggressive behavior can be reactive, or in retaliation. It can also be
proactive, as an attempt to provoke a victim. It can be either overt or
Aggressive behavior can also be self-directed.

This involves failing to express our wants, needs or feelings or
communicating them in an indirect or apologetic way. When we fail to
communicate our concerns or wishes, or express them in a hesitant, joking
or self-depreciating way, other people will not know how we feel or will
misinterpret our actions. As passive responders we allow others to 'walk over
us' (the doormat syndrome). We allow our rights to be violated in the belief
that we have fewer rights, or more responsibilities than others, and that we
have less personal worth than they do.
When someone makes a request of us we respond by meeting their demands
even thought we might feel angry at having to do so and possibly making a
bad job of it on purpose. We do this rather than tell people our objections or
simply saying 'no'. Aggression and passive or running away behaviour is
often the result of the build-up of feelings of frustration, anxiety and anger
because we have been manipulated by others through our anxiety or guilt.

Situation #1
I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts, and emotions
and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence. The
behaviour of others may have an impact upon me, but I determine how I
choose to react and/or deal with each situation. I alone have the power to
judge and modify my thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Others may
influence my decision, but the final choice is mine.

Situation #2
I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions
to others' problems. I am ultimately responsible for my own psychological
well-being and happiness. I may feel concern and compassion and good will
for others, but I am neither responsible for nor do I have the ability to create
mental stability and happiness for others. My actions may have caused
others' problems indirectly; however, it is still their responsibility to come to
terms with the problems and to learn to cope on their own. If I fail to
recognize this assertive right, others may choose to manipulate my thoughts
and feelings by placing the blame for their problems on me.

Situation #3
I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my
behavior. I need not rely upon others to judge whether my actions are proper
or correct. Others may state disagreement or disapproval, but I have the
option to disregard their preferences or to work out a compromise. I may
choose to respect their preferences and consequently modify my behavior.
What is important is that it is my choice. Others may try to manipulate my
behavior and feelings by demanding to know my reasons and by trying to
persuade me that I am wrong, but I know that I am the ultimate judge.

Situation #4
When others make requests or demands of them, passive aggressive
people will often view them as unfair or unjust. Rather than express their
feelings, they will bottle them up and resent the other person for making the
demands. They quickly forget that they did not have to agree to the demand,
or that they could have voiced their feelings at the time that the request was

Situation #5
Procrastination, the act of putting off that which needs to be done, is
often a subconscious decision. With passive aggressive people, however, it is
often a conscious decision. Rather than tell the other person that they cannot
agree to their request, the passive aggressive person will delay completing
the request until the very last moment, or later. This is aimed at punishing
the other person for having the audacity to make the request.

Situation #6
Again, rather than say No, passive aggressive people sometimes find
it easier to deliberately perform poorly at a task. The hope is that they will
not be asked again due to the substandard work.

Situation #7
As they often assume that others know how they feel, passive
aggressive people tend to immediately assume that anything they do not
approve of was an intended to be a jibe at them. For example, they may
assume that their boss knows that they have a full workload. When he boss
makes a request of them, they assume that the has something against them
and wants to put excessive pressure on them. It never crosses their mind
that they could point out to their boss that they have a full schedule and he
would then ask somebody else to help.

Situation #8
As stated at the start, passive aggressive behaviour is recognisable by
the disconnect between what is being said and what is being done. Nothing
highlights this more than the famous silent treatment. Silence generally
signifies agreement but not in this case. When you are on the receiving end
of the silent treatment, you realise that the other person is far from
agreeable. They have a big problem with you and just to allow themselves
the Pyrrhic victory, they have no intention of telling you what that is.
There are 2 other common versions of the silent treatment. One is to answer
the question Whats wrong? with nothing, when there certainly is
something wrong. The other, which sadly I used to use myself, is to answer

any question with just one word. This is intended to signal that there is a
problem, without you having to say it. I used to pride myself on the
complexity of the questions which I could answer with just one word.

Situation #9

I have the right to be illogical in making decisions. I sometimes

employ logic as a reasoning process to assist me in making
judgments. However, logic cannot predict what will happen in every
situation. Logic is not much help in dealing with wants, motivations,
and feelings. Logic generally deals with ``black or white,'' ``all or
none,'' and ``yes or no'' issues. Logic and reasoning don't always
work well when dealing with the gray areas of the human condition.

Situation #10

I have the right to be independent of the good will of others

before coping with them. It would be unrealistic for me to expect
others to approve of all my actions, regardless of their merit. If I
were to assume that I required others' goodwill before being able to
cope with them effectively, I would leave myself open to
manipulation. It is unlikely that I require the goodwill and/or
cooperation of others in order to survive. A relationship does not
require 100% agreement. It is inevitable that others will be hurt or
offended by my behavior at times. I am responsible only to myself,
and I can deal with periodic disapproval from others.