RELATIONSHIPS

Kick and Punch to a Better Marriage

(865 Words)
By Addamms Mututa
 Kick and Punch to a Better
Marriage
Purely for their own good, there are 165 questions couples ought
to answer long before they tackle the final one whose answer is “I do”.
But contrary to this necessity, many couples peruse through only a few
of these questions, much to their future regret.
The thought and certainty of marital fights is known to quicken the
heart beat. But it is the actual experience that really sets your heart
pulsing. In instances of marital disagreements, many couples drift
away from the rules into non-thinking-ness, often against their wish.
This need not be the case.
Perhaps, time is ripe to introduce constructive, fair fights in the
family to save the situation. In this new kind of fight, rigid rules are
applied in dealing with arguments, confrontations, disagreements and
grievances. When the fight is over, couples would feel more alive,
stronger and refreshed. Such fights help to solve family’s most
sensitive issues in a constructive way.
The following are a set of the rules which must be enforced to
ensure that couples fight fairly, constructively and to a beneficial end:
i. No hitting of soft spots:
When arguing, there should be no intentional enumeration of
your partner’s weaknesses. The same goes for quoting failures
and shortcomings.
ii. There should be no pretences:
If you are not willing to participate in the fight, better say so
upfront. Better reschedule the fight than take your partner for a
ride.
iii. There should be no tress-analysis:
 You cannot be your partner. Talking about the possible reasons
why your partner said what s/he said or acted the ways s/he did
yields only an opinion. No one can know for sure what the other
is thinking. So, avoid such statements as “I know you think…” or
“I know you did this because…”
iv. There should be no lump sum deposits:
Any delayed installment of anger or dissatisfaction should be
written off. Deal with issues one at a time as they arise and
forget them.
v. All “archaeologists” should be sacked before the fight
starts:
The only reason to fight now should be the current
disagreement, not past mistakes. A fight that took place the first
month of marriage should not be revisited ten years later. If you
keep on fighting about past mistakes, you eliminate the
possibility of resolving your current disagreement and
consequently eventual happiness.
vi. Avoid fallacies:
Of all, hasty generalization is known to spoil otherwise good
fights easily. Life is dynamic, so are people. It should not be
allowed to generalize matters concerning your partner on the
basis of just one or few instances. Statements like “You do this
all the time…” and “You never…” should be kept out of the fight.
vii. Fight systematically:
Haphazard fighting or dirty tricks should not be allowed in fair
fights. It is unjust to pretend to wrestle your partner with a
hidden agenda of biting their ears. Let your partner know exactly
what it is you are fighting about and the objective of the fight.
There should be a solid reason for the fight, not using a present
disagreement as an avenue for tackling a past conflict unrelated
to the present reason of contention.
viii. No use of lethal weapons:
Nuclear and biological weapons terrorize more than they warn. A
partner, who gives rigid and unrealistic deadlines, threatens or
overreacts to a situation, is a terrorist in the family. Such
weapons harm the fighter, instead of combating the fight.
ix. Avoid tail-chasing tricks:
Ever seen a dog chasing its tail? It may only succeed in
exhaustion and eventual give-up. If an argument becomes stale
and cyclic, it should be deemed redundant and truncated.
Perhaps another day, the fighters will be in a better frame of
mind and thus fight constructively.

The only objective for a couple’s dispute and difference in

opinion should be to tackle difficulties and problems. It should not be
to apportion fault or parade mistakes. A good relationship is founded
on love. According to the bible, love keeps no record of wrongs. Do not
lecture your wishes to your spouse. An agreement bred of consent is
effective in ensuring great quality of life. What’s more, the resolution is
sustainable.
There is an outstanding difference between conduct and an
individual. If you must disagree, let it be on the level of your diversity
of thoughts, not as persons. Respect for the rights of your spouse is a
sure starting point in ensuring marital bliss. Lend a hand in cultivating
their good. In this way, they will also help you achieve your desired
good.
Acknowledge differences as part of life. Learn to be tolerant and
patient when dealing with your partner. A judge may rap his gavel in
court to declare a verdict, but it is always according to the law. Avoid
judging your partner’s feelings and thoughts… ‘Ask and it shall be
explained to you’.
 The best part of all fights (to come out improved in the end) is
often the most forgotten. Do not fall prey. It would be meaningless to
fight if you do not get a resolution.
Dear Sir / Madam,
I’m pleased to enclose an article, “Kick and Punch to a Better
Marriage” for your consideration, just as you had requested. I hope
that you find the article worthy. I look forward to starting a successful
writing career with you.

Yours sincerely,

Addamms Mututa.