Quote:

Part of me does not feel comfortable in my own skin. So I retreat to my world of ideas,
imagination, and sometimes drown out the pain and loneliness with music expressing my pain.
I just want to be myself, and I don't want to care what other people think, but it still bothers me,
when it shouldn't. Do you guys experience this loneliness and confusion? How do you deal
with it?
I basically tried to get myself back in balance. I put Thinking in "perspective" and realized there
were other parts of life I needed to explore and embrace to be happy -- including "values," and
"emotions," and "relationships," and spontaneity, and exploration, and openness, and other
frames of experience.
Also... I think you are probably isolating yourself more than others are isolating you. You are
creating your own cage and then hiding in it. If you could be a little more patient with others and
a little more flexy in how you express your perspective (i.e., don't immediately rip someone apart
when they seem illogical to you), you might find that they value your insight. Especially as
people get older, they mellow out more typically and become more open to other types of
thinking (hopefully); high school drama shouldn't persist long into adulthood. Basically, you
need to try hard to just "assume you belong" even when you're not feeling it, and engage others
along that kind of thinking. Just put yourself out there. Don't be a jerk about it, just share, "Hey,
here's what I'm seeing, and what I value, and what excites me." And then listen to them without
commenting a ton, so you can get information to better understand them even if you disagree.
It helps.
I do still feel like I have a void in me, but I think that's more the "SX" thing than the INTP thing
per se. Plus, I've found other INTPs to talk to, to make the journey a little less lonely...

Regarding practical advice, abiding by other people's social codes while concealing
my real personality helps me to smoothly blend in with practically every social
context I encounter, so maybe you could do that, too; you can still think and be
yourself inside your head even while around people with all sorts of conversations
and physical stimuli taking place. I've read in many places that INTPs can be very
effective at this "chameleon" technique. But if we INTPs insist on doing things our
way 100% of the time, then there will inevitably be times when people tend to
distance themselves from us or deem us as different or antisocial. You have to
decide for yourself whether you want to persistently adhere to ostensibly logical
principles and ideals that consistently alienate you from others or you want to not
be a social outcast; if you don't want to be a social outcast, then you'll have to act
the way people (Sensors) want you to sometimes, despite the supposed illogicality

and loss of autonomy involved in this. It took me some time to understand this for
myself and to stop being so stubborn.
And obviously you aren't the only INTP in existence. For me, just the simple
knowledge that there other INTPs out there, that I'm not some type of dysfunctional
twit, and that other people have undergone similar experiences has boosted my
self-esteem.
But I do think the main culprit in your problem involves attitude. We could have the
social lives of the SPs and SJs if we wanted to, but instead we can use our time
spent in isolation to build our intellects and discern truths about reality--endeavors
that most SPs and SJs are simply not interested in, but which are nonetheless
important to the human race.

BigApplePi's time 25th-May-2013, 10:07 PM

BigApplePi
Banned

#18

Re: Have you experienced INTP loneliness & isolation?

When I first saw this thread I thought it might hold the key to why, like
ants, human beings are successful social animals. I never got around to
Join Date: Jan 2010 looking into it but still think it true.
Location: New
York City (The Big Looks like loneliness could be the hazard of the INTP temperament.
Apple) & State
Posts: 8,988
Ti - this occurs so inwardly and complexly, how can it be shared?
Ne - while promising salvation, it is so broad and diffuse, who is going to
engage you?
Si - self-centered and experienced in isolation, it shows a different
promise of sharing than Ti.
Fe - the top two traits are so dominant that social skills tend to be
neglected.

Quote:
I feel alone sometimes because I am socially awkward, Introverted, but I really want to be a
friend to and be befriended by people, but either they are just unpleasant or I am awkward. But
I can just smile and laugh and join in and be optimistic, and it works out.
Sociability and how to get there might be a "truth to be sought." It comes with observation,
practice and experience over time. The idea is to make contact and you will lose your loneliness.
For me it goes on and off. I'm not worried as I was years ago because I know this goes in cycles
and I've learned more about what making contact means.
Originally Posted by Velocitii

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So pretty much, doomed if I do, doomed if I don't?
Nope, just from your perspective. The great thing about being an INT, is that if things aren't
working, on a consistent basis, and it is for others, then it means that something in your thinking
is incorrect, which needs fixing, and when you do fix it, then everything works. Time to "fix
what is broken".
I like to think of Fe as the emotion generated by external stimulation and Fi as an
internal system of values based on those feelings. The idea that feelers seek out
and connect with other feelers is a matter of self validation, recognizing similarities
in others and not feeling alone. Fe isn't the function that makes you want to connect
it's the function that drives you to seek pleasant emotions, connection with similar
people fullfills this need and drives away negative feelings of being alone. If Fe
doms were hard wired to connect they would connect with everyone not just like
minded feelers.
Another thing I have come to realize is that feelers do not expect real emotions from
other feelers, which means there is no real connection, they only want other people
who are receptive to their desire to act mainly on emotion. They want acceptance,
again to avoid the feeling of being alone. The main ingredient in the feeler
sandwhich is a willingness to express emotion, even fake emotion. If Fe was mainly
about emotional connections then false emotions would not be acceptable.