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CROSS-CULTURAL MANAGEMENT
Building Relationships in Cultures That Dont Do Small Talk
Andy Molinsky, Melissa Hahn
APRIL 08, 2015
Michael has been in Frankfurt for about a week and is really missing his home office in
Chicago. Everyone in Germany seems to be so serious at work. No small talk, no
conversation about the weekend, no interest in his American background in fact, no
interest really in him at all, it seems.
At first, Michael blamed the uncaring Germans. But he then started to wonder whether he
was, in fact, the problem. Perhaps if he were friendlier or tried even harder, he could make
some quick friendships to ease his transition. Determined to make this happen, Michael
started to make small talk anywhere and everywhere he could. But these efforts seemed
to fall on deaf ears, and worse, alienate his colleagues, who appeared more distant than
ever before. As he considered next steps, Michael wondered: What could have gone
wrong?
As it turns out, Michael was the problem, but not in the way he thought. What he didnt
realize is that small talk simply isnt as common in Germany where personal relationships
at work take much longer to develop than in the U.S. As a result, Michaels aggressive
attempts at forcing chit-chat1 with colleagues didnt go over too well. And its not just in
Germany where small talk can backfire2. In many places around the world, it is
unbecoming to engage in trivial banter3 about the weather or the commute4 to the office, or
to glide5 from one topic to the other in a lighthearted6 fashion. In China, for example,
people can be quite guarded and protective with personal information among people they
do not know well especially people they perceive to be in competition with for limited
resources. The logic is that if people reveal personal information, it could be used against
them in some way and lead to a strategic disadvantage.
But what then can you do if, like Michael, you come from a small-talk culture and want to
forge relationships with your colleagues, clients, and customers? One essential piece of
advice is to take a longer-term perspective on developing relationships. If you assume that
relationships and rapport can indeed be developed in a matter of moments, youll
inevitably be disappointed.
In many cultures it can take quite a long time to establish a relationship, and if you havent
readjusted your own expectations, youll likely misinterpret a lack of closeness as
indications someone doesnt like you, as opposed to the natural progression of a working
relationship. In Germany, for example, it can take months or even years time to develop a
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Friendly conversation about things that are not very important.

If a plan or idea backfires, it has the opposite effect to the one that you wanted.

Friendly conversation in which people tell jokes and laugh at each other.

The journey to and from work every day.

To move in a smooth and easy way with no noise.

Funny and not intended to be serious.

relationship with your colleagues but once that friendship has been developed, it is
often a deep, personal, and long-lasting one. With this in mind, you can imagine how
awkward and unnatural it probably felt for Michaels German colleagues to be assaulted
with questions about the weather, their families, or even to be asked How its going?
when they didnt know Michael yet. Adjusting expectations is essential when learning to
establish bonds in a culture where small talk is not the norm.
But even if small talk isnt in your arsenal7, you can still lay the groundwork8 for a long-term
relationship through other means. One way is to make sure your colleagues see you as
someone worthy of having a relationship with, even if its not going to happen immediately.
Make meaningful gestures that demonstrate sincere interest in the culture and building a
relationship. For example, in a group-oriented culture like Korea, where being part of the
group is key, even a small gesture like bringing the team a snack from the vending
machine when you initially went there for yourself can go a long way toward creating
a positive impression of yourself. By respecting the values of the local setting, you lay the
groundwork for a future relationship when the time is right.
Also, even if chatty, American-style small talk doesnt work, chances are that there are
some topics that are acceptable, and certain occasions exist to discuss these topics. For
example, sports is a topic that often translates across cultures and can be a great way to
bond with people who share similar interests. Showing interest in local foods, languages,
festivals, or sights is also a nice way to indicate appreciation for the other culture and
spark a connection. Of course, you should find something youre genuinely interested in to
speak about; if its clear youre talking about sports but know nothing about it, or mention
cooking and have never picked up a pot or pan, the conversation probably wont go very
far, and it certainly wont set the groundwork for a future connection.
Finally, in certain cultures, the key is to recognize when its acceptable to build personal
connections, because that might vary significantly across the day. For example, in Japan
and China, its quite common to go out after work late at night and have drinks or dinner.
On these occasions its much more common to make small talk and discuss nonworkrelated topics even with your boss, who youd never discuss topics like these with
during daytime hours. Noticing and taking advantage of special occasions for relationship
building is another critical tool in your arsenal.
In the end, small talk may not be universal, but relationships are. Smart managers realize
this and adjust their behavior and expectations for establishing these relationships
whenever doing business abroad.
About the authors:
Andy Molinsky is a Professor of International Management and Organizational Behavior at
the Brandeis International Business School. He is the author of the book Global Dexterity:
How to Adapt Your Behavior across Cultures without Losing Yourself in the Process (HBR
Press, 2013). Follow Andy on twitter at @andymolinsky.

A large collection of things you can use to achieve a particular purpose.

Work that you do in order to prepare for something.

Melissa Hahn helps people navigate cultural differences in relocation, education, and
family life. She is the author of the intercultural childrens book Luminarias Light the Way
(2014). Follow her on Twitter @SonoranHanbok.
Available at: https://hbr.org/2015/04/building-relationships-in-cultures-that-dont-do-smalltalk