A Special Issue in Honor of Resistors

The OBS Express

A Newsletter of the Call Them Out Society, Ltd.,
Headquartered in Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA

Volume 1, Number 3 March 5, 2010

Nujood Ali, 10, Divorces her 30 Year-Old Husband

and writes a best-selling autobiography that lifts her
and her family out of poverty

By Jane Gilgun
SANA, YEMEN. Nujood Ali, 10, wanted a divorce from her 30 year-old husband who raped her almost
every night and beat her when she resisted. Her in-laws sided with their son and said, “Beat her more.”
On a visit to her family a few months after her marriage, Nujood cried for help. “I was sad and angry,”
her mother said, “but I felt [her marriage] was the thing to do.” She later said, “In our country it’s the men
who give the orders, and the women who follow them.”
Her father said there was nothing he could do. “My cousins would have killed me if I dishonored
the family by asking for a divorce” Nujood’s aunt, who was her father’s other wife, advised the girl to go
to court. She gave Nujood cab fare.
At the courthouse, Nujood told various people that she wanted to speak to a judge, but no on
helped her. During lunch break, Judge Mohammed al-ghadha noticed her sitting alone on a bench and
asked her what she was doing there. “I want a divorce,” Nujood said. She told the judge about the rapes
and beating. The judge took Nujood to his home for the weekend where she played on swings with the
judge’s children and watched cartoons on satellite television.
The judge ordered Nujood’s father and husband into custody. Although marriage was only legal
for persons 16 and older, customs and traditions in Yemen lead to marriages of girls as young as eight.
Almost half of all Yemeni girls are married by age 18. The law states that sexual intercourse cannot begin
until the bride is ready, a vague stipulation but one that Nujood’s husband violated.
For Her Own Good
Nujood’s father said he arranged the marriage to protect his daughter. An older sister had been
raped and another abducted. When the father heard that the abductor had Nujood in his sights, he decided
to arrange the marriage to a motorcycle deliveryman. He broke his promise to Nujood that he would not
take her out of school to be married. The parents gave instructions to the prospective husband. “We told
him to raise her,” Nujood’s mother said. They also asked that he not have sex with their daughter until
one year after she had her first menstruation.
Shada Nasser, a Human Rights Lawyer
News about Nujood reached Shada Nasser, a human rights lawyer, who took one look at Nujood
and said, “I don’t believe my eyes.” She was astonished that such a tiny child could be married, be a
marital rape victim, and seek a divorce on her own. Nujood was about the size of Sahda’s eight year-old
daughter. She asked the girl why she wanted a divorce. Nujood answered, “I hate the night.” Nasser took
on Nujood’s case at no charge and contacted The Yemen Times about Nujood’s situation. The story hit the
national and international news wires.
Nasser visited Thama, Nujood’s husband, in his jail cell. She asked, “Why did you sleep with

The OBS Express 1 (3)

Page 1 of 5
her? She’s a little girl.” Thama did not defend himself but expressed indignation that Nujood’s father lied
about her size and looks. Nujood was too short and not good looking enough, he said.
The Divorce Hearing
At the divorce hearing, Nujood took the stand. Judge Mohammed Ghadi asked Nujood about the
possibility of a “rest” of three to five years from her husband, and then the marriage could resume. No,”
Nujood said, “I hate this man, and I hate this marriage. Let me continue my life and go to school.” A
week later, on April 15, 2008, the judge granted the divorce. Her brothers were angry at Nujood for
bringing shame to the family.
Judge Ghadi asked the husband, "You could not find another woman to marry in all of Yemen?"
Legally, however, Thama was clear. There is no provision in the law for rape in marriage. The husband
went free, and he also demanded and received $250 to agree to the divorce. That is four month’s salary
for poor Yemenis. A donor gave him the cash.
Nujood was on top of the world after the judge granted her petition for a divorce. Nasser, her
attorney, reported, “She said, ‘I want chocolate. I want pears, cake, and toys.’”
Hard Times
Freed from her husband, Nujood thought things would get better. She said about the divorce, “It
made me strong. Now my life is sweet as candy.” Thrilled to be able to resume her schooling, she said, "I
want to defend oppressed people. I want to be like Shada. I want to be an example for all the other girls.”
Back with her family, living in dire poverty, she soon became despondent. She said, “I hoped
there was someone to help us, but we didn’t find anyone to help us. It hasn’t changed a thing. They said
they were going to help me, and no one has helped me. I wish I had never spoken to the media.”
She found her way out when she wrote her memoir with a French writer.
Things Look Up Again
In 2009, Nujood published the memoir. It became an international best seller. The royalties from
the book support the entire family who now have a new, spacious home and own a grocery store. The
family consists of Nujood’s mother and father, the father’s second wife, and 16 children. Nujood’s father,
a former street sweeper, had been unemployed. The children and wives supported the family by begging
and selling small items, such chewing gum, on the streets.
Nujood’s book, called I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced, co-authored with a French journalist,
Delphine Minoui, was published this week in the United States.
Now that Nujood’s earnings have brought the family out of poverty, family relations have
improved. No one criticizes Nujood for shaming them. “They’ve very nice to her now. They treat her like
a queen,” said Khadija al-Salami, a filmmaker who is Nujood’s mentor and translator.
Nasser Continues her Work
Nujood’s attorney, Shada Nasser, said about her work for Nujood, “I am happy because I was
able to help all the girls here in Yemen. Since Nujood, I’ve been in touch with other girls asking about
divorce. It’s like you open the window for all of the girls to go and complain, and that makes me very
happy. This is my job. My job is very difficult, but this is how I am. I’ll be like this forever.”
This is the product description for Nujood’s book.
I’m a simple village girl who has always obeyed the orders of my father
and brothers. Since forever, I have learned to say yes to everything.
Today I have decided to say no.

The OBS Express 1 (3)

Page 2 of 5
 What’s this Got to do with OBS?
A wonderful story indeed, but what’s it got to do with OBS? This story is an example of
successful resistance to social customs that perpetuate social injustices and then cover up. As readers now
know from previous issues of The OBS Express, the theory of OBS consists of the following.
1. an unkind deed
2. a desire to evade responsibility for the unkind deed
3. a cover-up, and
4. recipient buy-in.
In this case, Thama and his parents committed terrible deeds against Nujood. Her father was
complicit in the unkind deeds because he allowed the marriage in the first place. Her mother was
powerless, she believed.
Unkind Deeds and Enforcements
Social customs that enshrine men as in charge of women and endow with rights to do whatever
they want to women, including beatings, rape, and depriving them of educations, made these unkind
deeds possible. Social customs also are maintained through well-known punishments for resistance to
them. When Nujood resisted her husband’s sexual abuse, his parents said, “Beat her more.” They were
enforcers of tradition. Her father said he would be killed if he agreed to Nujood’s divorce. Nujood’s
mother felt powerless against these customs. Men are in charge, she said.
Cover-Ups
The cover-up is enshrined in law. The cover-up is that it is right and just to beat, rape, and deprive
women of education. It is right and just to force children into marriages when they are as young as eight.
There is no law against any of these acts. That is the cover-up. These acts are not illegal.
Thama, the husband, however, went even further than the law and called upon enshrined customs
of blaming women (and girls) for how badly men treat them. Nujood’s father lied, he said. Nujood was
not as tall or as pretty as her father said she was.
This apparently had something to do with how he behaved toward Nujood. Possibly, he believes
his abuses were Nujood own fault because she was not as attractive as her father said. Missing from his
discourse was that Nujood was a little girl, clearly resisted his sexual abuse, and could not and did
consent to the marriage or to the sex. Social customs that guided Thama’s behavior did not include
recognition of children and children’s rights and capacities.
Thama was so confident that he was in the right that he demanded money to give his consent to
the divorce. People who do not buy into the customs he invoked consider this an unkind deed, but in his
eyes, he was within his rights. From other points of view, his sense of righteousness and entitlement
covered up his unkindness.
Nujood’s father said that one of the reasons he forced Nujood into marriage was to protect her
from a man who wanted to rape her. Had Nujood been raped, the rape would have brought shame upon
her and her family. This is the ultimate cover-up. Someone does something terrible to you, and you are to
blame. Furthermore, Nujood’s brothers were concerned that Nujood’s divorce would bring shame to
them. Their concerns covered up the injustices that her husband perpetrated on her. (It is very hard for me
to call Thama Nujood’s husband since Nujood did not and could not consent to the “marriage.” To me
and to most people, marriage is a contract based on free and informed consent.)
No Buy-Ins
Nujood did not have buy-in. She ran from her husband, declared her hatred for him, and got the
divorce she wanted. She did not feel at fault. Family members who blamed her for shaming them,
however, did have buy-in. They may not have thought Thama did anything wrong. After all, he was only
following customs and traditions.

The OBS Express 1 (3)

Page 3 of 5
 Nujood would not have gotten anywhere and might even have been killed if there were not people
who came into her life who did not buy into these social customs and who helped her to resist them.
Nujood had the help of her father’s second wife, Judge Mohammed al-ghadha who found her sitting on
the courthouse bench, the human rights lawyer Shada Nasser, the editors of The Yemen Times who ran the
story that Nasser told them about, and Judge Mohammed Ghadi who heard the case and granted Njood’s
petition. Thus, there was wide-spread resistance to the unkind deeds and the cover-ups and wide-spread
support for Nujood and her stance.
Nujood prevailed against powerful social forces with the help of several other people who
invoked human rights and common decency. This is a typical scenario when individuals successfully
resist people who are OBS. They have the support, help, and encouragement of others. Rarely can
individuals stand up to OBS without other people.
According to the theory, Thama failed at OBS, because Nujood, the recipient of his unkind deed,
did not have cover-up. He did, however, succeed at being a bastard. This is the definition of bastard,
according to OBS.
Persons who earn the title bastard show a disregard for the impact of their unkind deeds
and cover-ups on others. They consider themselves entitled to behave as they do and also to cover
up their deeds in any way that gets them what they want. It is a big me and little you kind of thing.
I count, and you do not count…

When recipients [of unkind deeds] consider enactors to be bastards, it shows that
recipients have caught onto their unkind deeds and cover-ups. Bastards are persons who commit
particularly harsh deeds and cover-ups and who fail at being shits because recipients do not buy
into their cover-ups.
Congratulations
Congratulation and bravo to Nujood, to her aunt who is her father’s second wife, to Shada Nasser,
to Judge Mohammed Ghadi and Judge Mohammed al-ghadha, and to the editors for The Yemen Times
who worked together to challenge child marriages.

One of the next steps is to ask what is marriage. I thought marriage was a contract to which adults
gave their free consent. Another step is to continue to challenge unfair practices that privilege men over
women and girls. What’s incredible is that unfair systems are short-sighted. Any social group that
advantages some over others does not have the prosperity, peace, and happiness that egalitarian social
groups enjoy.

The OBS Express 1 (3)

Page 4 of 5
 References
Child bride’s nightmare after divorce. CNN.com/world. August 28, 2009.
Daragahi, Borzou (2008). Yemeni bride, 10, says I won’t. Los Angeles Times, June 11, 2008
Gilgun, Jane F. (2008). On Being a Shit: Unkind Deeds and Cover-Ups in Everyday Life.
Available on Amazon Kindle, scribd.com/professorjane, and http://stores.lulu.com/content/1151441
Kristof, Nicholas D. (2010). Divorced before puberty. The New York Times, March 4, 2010, A27.
Nujood & Delphine Minoui (2010). I am Nujood, age 10 and divorced. Available on
Amazon.com and other on-line books sellers.
Power, Carla (2009), Nujood Ali & Shada Nasser win “Women of the Year Fund 2008 Glamour
Award,” Yemen Times, August 12, 2009.
About OBS Express
The OBS Express is a newsletter that appears occasionally to call out perpetrators of unkind
deeds and cover-ups and to celebrate those who stand up to perpetrators.

Pig photo by Jane Gilgun, taken at the Washington County Fair, Lake Elmo, Minnesota, USA.

The OBS Express 1 (3)

Page 5 of 5