Factors that influence attraction

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Motivating Factors That Influence Romantic Attraction

Te-Erika Patterson

Barry University

Spring 2008
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Abstract

This paper discusses the four motivating factors behind romantic attraction which are distress,

identity enhancement, aging and social pressures and sexual desires. It also discusses how these

motivating factors for engagement in a relationship may affect the relationship. By understanding

these factors therapists can better gauge how to aid clients to develop more healthy relationships.
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Introduction

We meet, we greet, we fall in love and live happily ever after, for the most part. For those

who are not social scientists, the process of attraction and falling in love seems to be caused by a

mystical force. But when we delve deeper to analyze the factors that influence romantic

attraction we can de mystify the process of attraction which will aid in our understanding of the

issues surrounding different types of relationships. This topic is worthy of discussion because the

motivating factors behind the party that initiates the relationship, plays a large part in the premise

and ultimate success of the relationship.

Theoretical Framework

Because this is my first semester and I am still becoming familiar with the different

theoretical frameworks, I have based my paper on my personal view that attraction in romantic

relationships are not randomly developed, but instead are a remedy for specific desires in a

person’s life.

Significance

This topic is important to the therapeutic community because once we are able to connect

with a motivating factor for involvement in the relationship of our client we can better assess the

reasons behind why our client is having an issue in the relationship and therefore able to help

them work through it.

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Review of Literature

According to research done by John R. Jacobs in 1992, there are four facilitators that

influence a desire for romance and lead to romantic attraction. They are distress, identity

enhancement, aging and social pressures and sexual desires. When a person enters a relationship

under distress, they do so because they hope to escape from the pressures of loneliness or

anxiety. This often weakens the relationship because the person who is under distress may

become dependent on the relationship because the lover is perceived as a refuge or solution to

the individual’s distress.

The desire to expand one’s identity or the desire to fall in love with someone who

possesses traits that we wish we had is also a common motivating factor in romantic attraction.

Individuals motivated by this factor will choose a lover who will assist in expansion of the

artistic, professional or intellectual self. (Jacobs, 1992) These type of individuals will seek to

achieve their true passions through the union of a romantic relationship by disclosing their hopes

and dreams, hoping that the lover will take part in helping them to mature professionally and

personally.

Self disclosure is an integral part of the process through which people become acquainted

and establish personal relationships. Self disclosure plays a particularly important role in the

formation of love feelings. (Critelli & Dupree, 1978) When two people share their dreams, hopes

and fears with each other and the information is respected and embraced, attraction deepens and

the feeling we know as love takes root especially when these extremely personal connections

through self disclosure are aligned.

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In a study performed by Sefcek and Jones in 2005, these researchers explored assortive

mating. The studies conducted examined individual preferences of human personality in relation

to their preferences in a mate. Individuals were looking for mates that were matches of

themselves to some degree but also sought mates that were somewhat higher in

conscientousness, extraversion and agreeableness but lower in neuroticism than themselves.

(Figueredo et al, 2006)

Other underlying motivating factors in the process of attraction according to (Jacobs,

1992) are aging and social pressures. When the biological clock begins to tick as women age or

men achieve their career goals and are expected by society to settle down and begin a family,

some feel the urge to seek out a partner to satisfy these life milestone expectancies. This

facilitator causes the person to seek out a partner who is suitable to establishing security and this

person avoids the uncertainty of passionate relationships which are seen as flighty and unstable.

Women are looking for men who are willing to commit and can provide security for them

and their offspring, while men are looking for women who can bear many children and thus are

attracted to women’s health, youth and beauty. (Pines, 1998)

Yet another factor that influences romantic attraction is sexual desire. The person who is

out to satisfy sexual needs will partner with someone who can fill that need and place less value

on companion related activities that lack excitement. (Jacobs, 1992)

It seems as though everyone is looking for an ideal partner. Although there are many

characteristics that people see as ideal in a romantic partner, no one romantic partner is going to

exemplify all such preferences. As such, tradeoffs will be mate-selection, with some of these

characteristics being more important than others. (Fletcher et al, 2004)

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Clinical Significance

The literature I reviewed provides a sound background based on accredited studies. Each

study’s results are significant to my theory that underlying desires are the most prominent factor

that affect romantic attraction. With this knowledge, therapists may be able to identify the desire

that propelled the attraction and work with the client to resolve issues by using any of the

theoretical approaches.

In the 1992 Jacobs study we learned that there are four different primary motivating

factors behind becoming involved in a relationship. When examined the factors listed could also

be seen as unfulfilled needs that lead to seeking out a relationship which may or may not damage

the relationship. The study showed that there are times when people engage in relationships due

to loneliness or a need to escape the everyday worries of life. This supports my theory that

unhealthy desires are sometimes used as a foundation for a relationship.

As therapists we seek a more in depth understanding of attachment, bonding and personal

development in relationships. This research is significant to therapists everywhere as we attempt

to make more of a connection with our clients who are involved in romantic relationships.

Discussion

We all want this thing we call love. We look for it in each face we encounter. Those who

don’t seek love are that way because they don’t expect love to come. But for those who do

expect and yearn to be embraced, that yearning represents an underlying need, a void that

urgently needs to be filled by the loving arms of a companion. The need for companionship from

a person who will allow us to feel safe emotionally and physically is not uncommon among men
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and women of all ages. We age, we grow and we want someone to share our joys and mishaps.

We want to feel the sense of belonging associated with being in a relationship, at the same time,

when we examine that desire for a relationship we can find out what need we most want to fill

which will help us to understand the issues that we are confronted with when or if our needs are

not being met.

At the end of the day, everyone gains something from any relationship that we are

involved in, but it is the identity that we establish during a romantic relationship that we tend to

place more value on. Our ability to find a compatible partner is often seen as a characteristic of

success. Finding someone who shares our ideals and beliefs normalizes our existence. Many feel

that having someone who wants to share their life with them, allows them to feel that their life

has meaning. From the studies that I reviewed, sharing the stories of our life’s journey, bonds us

with each other, enabling the emotion of love to spring forth which affects our actions toward the

object of our attention. A sense of loyalty is established when a person knows that someone else

loves them. A sense of family is established. Unwritten commitments and bonds are formed

through romantic relationships, regardless of the expressed need that propelled the relationship

forward.

Each action we take in life is taken because we have a goal in mind. We take a step

forward because we want to walk from here to there. It’s the same in relationships. We join

together with someone because we feel that in uniting with them, we can achieve something

greater than if we tried to accomplish it alone. Let us remember to examine our motivating

factors and make sure they are not born from a place of emptiness and despair, but rather from a

sincere desire to expand and grow.

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References

Critelli, Joseph W., & Dupre, Kathleen (1978). Self-disclosure and romantic attraction. The

Journal of Social Psychology. 106, 127-128

Figueredo, Aurelio J., Sefcek, John A., & Jones, Daniel N. (2006). The ideal romantic partner

personality. Personality and Individual Differences. 41, 431-441.

Fletcher, J. M., Tither C., O’Loughlin, M., Friesen and N. Overall, Warm and homely or cold and

beautiful? Sex differences in trading off traits in mate selection, Personality and Social

Psychology Bulletin 30 (2004), pp 659-672.

Jacobs, John R. (1992). Facilitators of romantic attraction and their relation to lovestyle. Social

Behavior and personality. 227-234.

Pines, Ayala M. (1998). A prospective study of personality and gender differences in romantic

attraction. Personality and Individual Differences. 25, 147-152

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