5.

Pranthiyankarai Padmasini1
I had a tumour in my right breast. My husband seems to have mentioned to Periyava that I
was to be operated. I did not know about it. When I went for the check-up at VHS, Dr. Murali said
that the tumor had vanished. The tumour is not be seen! he said. He prescribed a couple of
medicines and said that we could let things be as they were, for then. Janakiramans wife had her
cataract operation there at that time. I used carry coffee and Horlicks to her, for they are our people,
after all. At about that time, we had gone on a pilgrimage, my husband and I to Badrinath and other
places. We were in the Rameswaram2, when my husband remarked to someone in a casual tone, We
have been to all these places . . . now if have Periyavas daran, our pilgrimage will be completed!
The next day after leaving our travel-stained clothes at home, we refreshed ourselves and went to
Periyavas presence in Thenampakkam. Janakiramans son was there too. Periyava was on the other
side of the well. Only the three of us were there with Periyava, no one else.
Operation . . . I ventured to speak.
Periyava gestured to me to keep calm when I ventured to speak as if to say that he knew all.
So he (the doctor) said there was no need for the operation, did he? asked Periyava. Then placing
his hand on himself, he said, It is gone. There is no need of the operation. Periyava then turned
towards my husband and said, So the pilgrimage now comes to a finish! Is that so?
No one could have carried my husbands casual remark from Rameswaram to Kanchipuram. The
two of us sat on the steps of the water-tank and wept, thinking of his grace upon us. Periyava asked
us a number of questions about our pilgrimage. The tumor seems to be there even now I know it . . .
sometimes when I try to lift children. I take no medicines. It does not bother me and I have not
consulted a doctor about it. I have been living with it but it has lost its force.
Early one morning Periyava said to his attendant, Do you know? Some people come to me
as a couple with deep devotion. Let me tell you who they are. . . As for some couples, only the lady
is known, not the husband. We could guess that meant Nagalakshmi. In some the husband is wellknown, not the wife, but there is one couple that comes to see me. Neither of them has a name. They
are both known as Pranthiyankarai. He knew of course that my husband and I were seated there
among the devotees. We were known by the name of our native village. This was some fun he had
early in the morning.
One day there was a huge crowd of devotees from Andhra going to Sabrimala that had come
for Periyavas daran. Such a big crowd it was. Now what kind of a headache is this I thought to
myself, because I could not get closer. None of them knew Tamil. Periyava was holding a small
conch shell in his hand.
Can anyone have this gilded with gold, for me?3
Periyava spoke directly without the attendant conveying the words to the devotees. There was no one
there who knew Tamil so I was convinced that the words were directed towards me.
By Periyavas grace, I shall be blessed to do it I said.
1

This narratives has been compiled on several occasions most of which is in the You-tube version; the translation
incorporates others also
2
Rameswaram is the traditionally the last halt of the pilgrims itinerary.
3
Conch shells gilded with silver or gold on its spout and round its edges, is used to pour milk, honey, and other such
liquids on the deity as part of the ritualistic worship

2
In the Presence of the Divine

Mouli brought the small conch shell to me- it was so small, like a paaladai4 and I said, Keep it
safely inside, with you. I shall take it when I leave. It may be break, or else. I shall ask Joshi to do it
for me.
Periyava knew of course what I could afford. Had it been a big conch-shell needing ten sovereigns of
gold, that would have been beyond me.
The next morning when Periyava went for the holy dip at Sarvathirtha tank - it was a
Tuesday- I went behind him as was the wont of several devotees when he did so. Suddenly he turned
towards me and said, You need not help me, getting the conch gilded! I did say anything in reply.
Later in the day, in the afternoon, Periyava was sitting in a relaxed manner, with his legs
stretched out. Only Vedapuri was in attendance. I went forward, quite close, and prostrated to
Periyava, removed a gold bangle from my hand and placing it on the bamboo plate in front of him
said, If Periyava bestows his grace upon me I shall go to Madras and get the conch gilded.
Why! Is the sun mild now? No, you need not go back in this heat. Stay here. Joshi is coming here
tomorrow in the morning. Take your bangle and wear it, go on.
So I stayed on.
The next morning, Joshi arrived. I told him that Periyava said had told me that he would
come that morning. Joshi was thrilled to hear this.
Oh, did Periyava say so! Even I did not know that I was coming here till the boy who brings the
bundle of leaves5 brought them this morning.
I told Joshi about gilding the conch shell.
Bring it with you to Madras. I going to different places from here and it might break if I carry it
about everywhere.
Actually the conch needed only a small portion from my bangle. The rest had to be offered to
Periyava. So I had three thirumgalyams of the Vaishnavite tradition made, and offered them to
Periyava.
Usually two ardhanas come one after another- before and after ivartri6. Two of Periyavas
immediate Gurus passed away one after another in quick succession, didnt they? I usually went for
the second one, would stay on, watch the celebrations, eat prasada and only then return. Periyava was
then camping in some place . . . do not remember the name of the place . . . it was a temple.
M.S.Subbulakshmi and the others were there and there was a music concert. Pollachi Mami was
there too. Later on devotees began to leave.
Periyava completed his puja and went into a mantapa7 for his bhika. A thick canvas screen
was hung all around it. I sat close to the screen, on the steps, with my ear against the screen. I sat
there to receive the breeze that had touched Periyava upon me. Appakutty Sastris son had come
there, carrying Periyavas bhika in a basket. Balu was also there. My hands were held together in
salutation, and I sat there hoping to hear Periyavas voice when he spoke. I could hear footsteps.
4

Tiny oval shaped bowl- about the length of the small finger- with a spout, somewhat in the shape of Aladdins lamp,
used traditionally to feed newborns
5
Shorea robusta, leaves of sal tree for personal use by Periyava
6
Also Mah ivartri, lit.the great night of iva; falls on the fourteenth day of the waning fornight of Magha month
(January-February) widely celebrated in temples and in homes, with fasting during the day and an all-night-vigillistening
to iva-pura and ritualistic worship
7
open, stone-pillared hall

3
VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini

Balu was there. I could hear people moving about. I then heard Periyavas voice very close to the
screen, almost as if his lips were against it. No matter how thick the screen, one can make out the
movements on the other side, after all. In a loud voice Periyava said Om! Om! I heard his voice
loudly, in my right ear. I heard someone ask him What is it, Periyava? Ekambaram, I think.
Noticing Periyava near the screen he wanted to know what the matter was.
Periyavas voice came in reply, Nothing . . . I was saying The wife of Om is Uma that is all . . .
you get along . . . I heard Periyavas voice so clearly, saying Om . . . Om.
I am not worthy of such grace at all. Nor do I know anything. Perhaps because I am an
ignoramus, Periyava considered that itself to be my qualification. Periyava continued to talk about
many other matters. I could make out that it was his voice from the other side of the screen. Later
Balu piled the prasda from Periyavas bhika into my hands. Of course Periyavas attendants will do
nothing without his command! I ate nothing else the whole day. I always cooked our meal because
that was what Periyava liked. Even Balu would scold us. There is no one in the world more
orthodox then we are. Why do you have to cook here too, in this bush and forest?
There was then this visit in a place in Andhra on an ekdai8. . . Three of us, our friend, his
wife and I went for daran, from Hyderabad. We went from place to place looking for Periyava who
was on the move . . . Dharmavaram, and then from there to the next place. We would be told that he
had just left that day and had moved further on till we finally reached a small place. There too we
learnt that he had just left and was in a village nearby. In the course of our journey we saw mango
fruit. No other fruit was to be seen in Andhra then. The mangoes were so big, huge and absolutely
green . . . but on the inside, such a ripe colour as if saffron had been added to it. I bought two
thirty-five rupees each - because it was ekdai and I thought that Periyava would perhaps eat it. The
people there said there were no buses to reach the place. Fortunately a horse-cart came along. The
cart-man was a Muslim, such a good man he was. Come along, I will take you to the Swamis place
he said. So we put our things into the cart and got in. He took us there in no time.
When we reached the place we saw Periyava seated on a stone platform under a tree like
Dakshinamurti, one leg folded and one hanging down. I broke down and cried without restraint when
I saw him. Then I prostrated and offered the two fruits to him.
Balu asked us, How did you come here, such a difficult place to reach . . . all roughed up and
tossed about!
We were neither roughed up nor tossed about . . . we came comfortably, by a horse-cart I said.
After a while everyone went away to eat rice uppuma, because it was ekdai. Balu and
Srikantan were there. I suppose one must not refer to him as Srikantan now9. In those days I would
not eat any cooked food on ekdai. So I did not go with the others.
Showing the mark of the Vaishnavite mark on the forehead with a gesture that was how we
were identified, my husband and I it seems Periyava signaled to Srikantan to give me the mango
fruit after he had eaten it. Who would have the heart to remove the trace of Periyavas fingers on it!
Srikantan had probably cut the fruit on the sides into two slices for Periyavas bhiksa, leaving out the
8

Eleventh day of the lunar month, that corresponds to a precise phase of the waxing and waning fortnights, thus
ekdai occurs twice every month; it is considered sacred & fasting is done throughout the day.
9
Sri Srikantan had taken the vows of asceticism when this narrative was recorded and is hence to be referred to as
Swamigal.

4
In the Presence of the Divine

middle portion. Periyava had scooped out the pulp from one of the slices and the trace of the four
fingers on the fruit was so deep and clear. A few others from that town had come for darsan and they
were there too. Sangamesvaram . . . yes, that was the name of the place. . . I remember now. Anyway
if I waited then there would be a scuffle for the prasda with some one or the other complaining that
she or he had been left out. So I ate it. The people from that town had brought some milk. By four in
the afternoon, Periyava started again and we too came back to take our train to Hyderabad. Even now
the trace of the fingers on the fruit is before my eyes . . . even now, even now! We would go for
Periyavas daran, wherever he was . . . Yes, anywhere, forest or mountain . . . no matter where he
was.
(Tell us about that Kamakshi episode.
Must I say that again?
Yes. What you say now is what is going to reach everyone.
But I am not even good at narrating things . . .
Never mind. Just speak what you feel. Think of Periyava and . . .
Yes, yes of course.)

I had gone for daran on one such occasion, Periyava was then in Tenampakkam. In the
evening I took leave of him. I said I am going to Kanchipuram and at night shall have daran of
Kamakshi in the silver chariot when the procession comes in front of the Matha. My husband was
returning home the next day. We lived in Madras then.
Where will you stay?
I will stay with the Buttermilk-Grandma. Do you people know her, the Buttermilk-Grandma?
I said, I shall sleep in the Buttermilk-Grandmas room at night and early in the morning leave for
Madras. My husband is returning home tomorrow!
So I took leave of Periyava and came to Kanchipuram. Mukkur Varadachariyar had come there after
I left. Periyava it seems, said to him, Pranthiyankarai that was my name there - was standing here
for long. She generally does not stay on like that. Did she miss her bus? Have you come by car? Can
you take her along and drop her in front of the Matha?
Srikantan replied that I had just then boarded the bus and had been waiting because the bus was late
that day. The bus was late, was it? was Periyavas response.
I always rested in Buttermilk-Grandmas room. So I was with her. At night at about eleven
oclock, we were all seated outside the Matha on the pyol. A prakumbha had been placed there.
The pot was of copper and was black in colour because it had not been scrubbed for days. It was
placed on a copper plate, filled with water, with a coconut on top and with a bunch of dried mango
leaves. I was rather upset to see it. It was so shabby. Why such a slip-shod welcome for Periyava, I
thought, Why not a silver pot? Some others were also seated there when the procession of
Kamakshi in the silver chariot turned into the street. Suddenly Venkataraman, they called him
Bhashyamani Venkataraman, came running and said, Periyava is coming . . . Periyava! Periyava!
There were shouts of Where, where . . .?
Everyone was thrilled by this unexpected turn of events. I wanted to know if he was coming via the
Market road or from this side.
This way he said.
That was all. I almost ran. It would have been well past midnight. Periyava was walking briskly.
Balu and Srikantan were holding a hurricane lamp. In a trice Periyava had covered the distance and

5
VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini

was at the turning. I reached there and fell down in prostration at his feet, right there, at the other end
of the road. Before I could get up Periyava had moved forward. Periyava came up to the chariot,
circumambulated it, stood there having Kamakshis daran for quite some time, accepted the
kumkum prasda which Ramu gave, smeared some of it upon his forehead and then gave the rest to
us. Then he turned and walked away down the same road.
Ten days later I went for daran again and stayed on for four days. Then I took leave of
Periyava and came to the bus-stand. When I got into the Madras bus and settled myself, I saw
Pollachi Jayalakshmi. We were chatting for a while. I told her about the night of the silver chariot
procession.
There was this black copper pot readied as prakumbha with a bunch of dried mango leaves. What
does Periyava lack? Why not a silver pot? No one even bothered to give it to Periyava when he
came there. It was where it was.
Jayalakshmi stared at me. Have you gone crazy? When did Periyava come to Kanchipuram on the
night of the silver-chariot procession? He was in Thenampakkam. We took leave of him at
Thenampakkam and he walked with us towards the bus-stand. Then he turned back into the
Thenampakkam road. We followed him again. Srikantan told us that we were in for trouble if we
continued to follow them. In those days they Nagalakshmi and others had rented a house at
Chinna Kanchipuram. We offered arati10 and stood for a while watching Periyava. Then we turned
back and came to Kanchipuram. How could Periyava have been in Kanchipuram?
He was here! He circumambulated the silver-chariot and then prasda was offered to him. He took
the kumkum and applied it on his forehead and I too got that . . .
You are bluffing said Jayam.
Not at all . . . why! Even Balu and Sri Kantan were with him! Alright then . . . How did Balu
and Srikantan also come there?
Why not? If Periyava could come here, could he not make Balu and Srikantan also appear there?
Till the bus reached Madras we quarreled, while I repeated myself and she refused to believe. Even
now if you meet her you could ask her and she would probably say, Oh! She blabbers crazily like
that!
I first saw Periyava in Sanskrit College11, Chennai, when he camped there. My daughters
were small children so I could not stay long. All the same I would go there every day, stand by the
side of the path he took and prostrate when he walked down. It was later in Tenampakkam that he
made kind enquiries about us and our family. Periyava asked me questions about my native village
of Pranthiyankarai.
So many, so many little incidents crowd my mind. I do not even know how to speak of them.
This happened on the same day that he said Om. That morning -it was a small village that place.
10

ceremonial welcome to deities and saints; waving a plate with camphor lit as votive offering or turmeric and lime
mixed in water
11
From the end of September 1958 (23-9-1957) to mid-March 1959 (15-3-1959) Periyava camped 211 days at
Sanskrit College out of the 538 days he spent in Chennai.

6
In the Presence of the Divine

Periyava was seated, out in the open, in the compound of the village school. There were small
benches, the kind you see in village schools, arranged in a circle and Periyava was seated in the
middle. It was a particularly hot day. There were many things spread out in offering in front of
Periyava. The village-folk had brought it all for him - rice, pulses, groceries and so on. I had a
splitting headache since morning that day. So I was very upset that I could not make the most of
Periyavas daran with this headache bothering me. There was a lone tree there and only two could
sit in its shade. Nagalakshmi was seated there under the tree and of course you could not make her
get up. Beside her was a boy. He had come with his parents. Periyava beckoned the boy and as the
boy went to him, looked at me. In a trice I occupied the shade that the boy had vacated.
What is this? Periyava asked the boy pointing to a plate of pulses. Toor dal! said the boy.
Oh . . . toor dal is it! Periyava said, as if he not know what it was. Toor dal is it? Well . . . you sit
right there, beside it he told the boy!
The whole day the boys mother could not stop expressing her joy. Periyava made my son sit beside
him she said over and over again! How happy she was! She accosted everyone and repeated this,
adding that her son would live a blessed life because of this rare grace. What Periyava actually did
was something else. He found a spot of shade for me to sit in, besides that boy was a young lad and a
bit of sun would not hurt him.
It was on a Deepavali day. Periyava started for Kamakshi temple. We followed him. On the
way, a mother and daughter they were Telugu and both were curved waist upward, like the figure
of seven prostrated to Periyava. The lady said that she wanted to make semolina laddus and offer
them to all the attendants. When Periyava reached Golla chhatram, he went in and we too followed.
Periyava sat on the pyol. The crowd had swelled immensely and the grill-gate was closed to control
it. I managed to get in. My husband was left outside.
Make some semolina laddus said Periyava.
What were we to do? Semolina needs to be roasted and ground before it is ready to be made into
laddus. Mouli ran to the Matha and got some cashewnuts. We had to manage somehow. Tirupathi
Chellamma, Anantakrishna Sastris daughter - what would she have? She could spare her stove, but
even that was a rickety one. We got going somehow. Meanwhile a couple arrived, carrying a pot of
milk and plenty of sweet lime.
The ladies are preparing something. Hand over the milk to them Periyava told them.
Appakutty Sastri came in and said, Add milk to the semolina and then it will easy to shape the
mixture into laddus he said.
We did not know this. We only knew the usual method of grinding the semolina, adding heated ghee
to it and then making the laddus. Periyava knew this method and so had sent the milk to us. We
poured the mixture onto a huge plate, added milk to it and in no time we had arranged a huge pile of
beautiful laddus on the plate. Meanwhile the couple who had brought the milk and the fruit had been
instructed to peel the sweet lime. Soon they too piled the carpels, with the skin intact, on another big
plate. Both plates were placed in front of Periyava. One by one, the devotees went forward, offered
their prostrations to Periyava and as instructed by him took one semolina laddu and one carpel of the
sweet lime. I was the last in the line. As I took one, Periyava said, What is it, you want another one
for your husband? Go on . . . take another. I took another laddu for my husband who was outside
the chowltry.

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VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini

It was in Mahagaon . . . during Deepavali. A native of those parts had come for daran.
Periyava was chatting with him.
What is special in these parts during Deepavali?
We make poori and srikant said the man.
What is that?
Some kind of a concoction of foolish sweetness . . . sour and sweet, of sugar mixed into yogurt . . .
said Balu, who was nearby.
How is it made? asked Periyava.
The man described the recipe in detail. Good yogurt is drained of all water and then flavored with
saffron and then sugar is folded into it . . .
When the man left, Periyava turned to Balu and said, My boy, you say srikant is foolishly sweet.
Even if it is foolishly sweet, he has given it the Lords name12 and here you are, preparing a
wonderful sweet and calling it badusha.
Again it was during a Deepavali day,when Periyava was camping in Pandaripur, on the
opposite bank of the river. He would give daran only for an hour every day . . . some kind of divine
play it was. We were blessed with his daran. Then just as we got ready to leave - we did not want to
be scolded for lingering on there - when I heard Periyavas voice, asking Vedapuri. Did you give
her something? She is going away empty handed.
Vedapuri came running. Mami, he called out, comeback. Dont go away empty-handed.
Give me something from here I said, pointing to the pile of fruits.
No, not this you dont know, I will be taken to task he replied.
Through the window I could see Periyavas hands, scooping laddu generously and piling it onto a
leaf, which he put into Vedapuris hand. It was Periyavas will to give daran only for an hour every
day. I made no effort to peep and steal a daran. We knew he was there and he knew we were here.
But all the same we followed the rules of the game.
I heard Periyava asking Vedapuri, Where is the capsicum that someone brought this morning?
(The narrator laughs.) Capsicum in the middle of all that dispassion!
Get her to cut it into small pieces, saut it in a drop of ghee tempered with mustard . . . and what
have you cooked today?
Lemon rice and sambar said Vedapuri. Now God alone knows what kind of combination that was!
Tell her to serve food to the others and also to eat here. She may stay on today. She need no go.
I was transported with joy when I heard these words, because Periyava had said that I could stay
there the whole day.

A gentleman once brought a huge bundle of complementary copies of ivapuram13 to offer

it to the devotees in Periyavas presence. Periyava noticed the peculiarity in spelling in a particular
12

Lit. poison-neck; refers to Lord iva who drank the poison when it rose from the ocean when churned for nectar; it is
said that his divine consort Prvati, placed her hand on ivas neck and stopped it there, preventing it from being
swallowed and hence the name. In the sanctum sanctorum of the temple at Suruttupalli, 55 kilo-meters from Chennai, in
the Chitoor district of Andhra Pradesh, one can see Pallikondeesvara (Isvara reclining) iva, lying down with his head on
Parvatis lap, after consuming the poison. The temple was renovated at Periyavas behest and he also had excavations
done in the temple precints to show its links with the Ramayana, when he camped there in 1971.

8
In the Presence of the Divine

line and asked What is this pdi? Have you not heard the idiom, pullu pdu14? Now sit there
and insert the missing i in all the copies and then give it everyone.
The poor man sat in a corner and did so and we had a good laugh. Such a huge bundle of copies it
was!
The elder one of my granddaughters was with me when I once went for daran. She is very
devoted to Periyava. Yesterday I spoke to her in skype. I have given her pictures of Periyava. She
tells me that she talks to him and tells him all that she does every day. Today they are in Nepal,
visiting Pasupatinath.
When I had once gone for daran with this granddaughter of mine - the one I mentioned now
- it was midday . . . somewhere near Vellore, I think. The camp was in a school. Balu, Srikantan and
the others had gone away, they must have been hungry or sleepy . . . poor children . . . how hard
they worked! My granddaughter and I were enjoying Periyavas daran. I chanted a verse invoking
refuge at the gracious feet of the Lord. Periyava was seated with his legs folded on his mat, on the
floor. Even as I chanted the line invoking refuge at the feet of the Lord, Periyava put up one of his
legs in a flash of a moment, right up as if it were a pole that was held up, straight up, vertically, in an
impossible posture, one leg folded and the other straight up. My granddaughter who was a small girl
then began to shake and blabber in fear. I too was stunned.
Dont close your eyes, dont be afraid . . . look at Periyava, dont close your eyes I said to the
child. I cannot forget that scene at all.
Even now the memory fills me with horripulation, Periyava sat in an impossible position. People talk
about hatayoga15and so on I know nothing of that at all. I reassured my granddaughter amidst my
own fear . . . see, even now I have horripulations all over when I remember that incident!
It was in Hampi that we enjoyed the most of Periyavas presence. . . throughout the day.
During the day I would fills pots of water from the pond nearby. I would pour it all around the
mantapa to cool the place, because it was so hot and Periyava was camping there. Periyava stayed in
the basement of the temple which was a cave-like structure. We, the ladies, were not allowed to go
down the steps to the basement after sunset. So he would come up and sit in the Vidyaranya16 cave
within our sight. He could not bear the restrictions he had imposed on us. But during the day we
13

pullki, pdi, puuvi, maramki,

pala virukamki pravayi, pmpki,
kalli , manitari, peyi, gaangai,
val asurarki, munivari, devari,
cell nindra ithatvara jagamatul,
ell pirappum piranthu ilaithen yem perumne.

Grass, shrub, worm, tree,

Of every kind of beast, bird, snake,
Stone, man, and demon, as the hosts of thine entourage,
Mighty titans, ascetics, gods,
In all these immobile and mobile forms of life,
In every species was I born and have grown weary,
O my Lord Supreme! (26-31)
Composed by Mnickavcakar / Mnivcakar: 9th century [along with Tirunvukkarasar or Appar, Tirujnacampantar,and Cuntaramrti Nyanr constitutes the quartet of the principal aivite Nayanmrs; their mystic verses or
lyrics of devotion are known as Tevram or a Garland for God]; ivapuram is in the opening section of the
Tiruvcakam or Sacred Utterances, which is the eighth of the twelve sacred books of the aiva canonical literature in
Tamil collectively known as Tirumurai that includes including the Tevram, Tiruvcakam, Tirumantiram (3000 esoteric
verses by the saint Tirumlar) and Periyapuram.
14
Grass and shrub
15
One of the kinds of yoga that trains the body and breath through regulated excercises
16
1268-1386;a multifaceted, saintly genius who promoted Vedic learning and who founded the Vijayanagara empire

9
VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini

could go down the steps. All throughout the day I would simply sit there, or cool the place with pots
of water. Periyava would sit in the Vidyaranya cave so that we too could have daran. Now and then
he would ask my husband, Are the womenfolk here?
Yes my husband would reply.
Only three of us would be there. Nagalakshmi, Tenali Sitamma and myself. Just the three of us.
Now why this mouna17? Why this mouna? Tenali Sitamma would say this over and over again. If
Periyava was in mouna, she would take the life out of us, saying this over and over again. You know
Tenali Sitamma, she would be writing all the time18.
There is no one even to listen to all that I have to say and I have forgotten so much. It was in
Mahagaon, on a pradoa day. Srikantan told us that Periyava was coming to the window at the end of
the building. Have you been there? To Mahagaon? The place had two windows, one on either end.
Again only Nagalakshmi and I were there and a few residents of the place who left after a while.
They did not know the significance of the day perhaps. None of our people were there. So we moved
to the other side. Periyava came out. There was a string of vilva upon his head, just one single strand.
If he were to throw it, surely Nagalakshmi would take it and not give it to me. You cannot hold that
against her. They have known Periyava from those days and were so dedicated in service to him. But
what exactly happened and how he did it we do not know he took off the string of vilva off his
head and flung it towards us. It fell upon us, in two bits, one for each! How it happened, we do not
know. It fell on us in two exact halves!
At Hampi, every morning we would wait for Periyava to bathe in the pond and then take a
dip ourselves in the sanctified waters. One day my husband said, Why stand shabbily like this till
Periyava bathes! Let us be ready before he comes.
I did not want to disagree, then that would lead to an argument. So we had a dip in the river.
No sooner had we done so, Periyava appeared at the bathing-ghat. We all but ran to where we were
put up, got ready and rushed back. By then Periyava had finished his bath, besmeared himself with
sacred ash and had begun his anutna. I was quite upset because the blessed chance of purifying
myself with the water consecrated by his divine form was lost that day. Periyava completed his
anutna. Then he got up. It is not enough that we call him Compassion Incarnate just once. He
came to the steps. Water would flow here and there . . . on top of the mantapa also. The floor around
the temple had crevices all over and stones were loose, making bumps and tiny pits. It was in an
awful state altogether. He sat down and put his foot into a big crevice and picking up his ghata
poured the water on his foot as if consecrating it, with a flash of a glance at me. Just a flash of a
glance, that is all. No sooner did he leave, I rushed to the spot, scooped up the water, drank it,
sprinkled it upon my head, upon myself, all over . . . it was a bath almost . . . second time.
Whenever I went for daran to his camp I would prepare yogurt and take it in a lidded pail to
offer to him.
Have you brought yogurt Periyava would ask.
17

silence, eschewing all speech; Periyava often observed kta mouna wherein gestures, responses and even mental
cognition is eschewed; a state of total involution, amidst life-events
18
Scribing the divine name, like chanting it

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In the Presence of the Divine

As for my husband. . . Oh ! He never would go near Periyava. Only I would, like a fearless child. My
husband would chide me What is our qualification to stand beside him? He would come close only
if Periyava himself called him, asked him something or gave him some work to do. Or else, he would
stand there . . . so far away!
(How is it, being Vainavites you were drawn to Periyava? Did Periyava ever say anything about
it?)
Never. He never said anything about this. He never told us that we should sport the sacred ash and
not the nmam19. Actually he would ask my husband, Why! When you go to see your Swamigal
will you go with just one nmam? Have you decided that one is enough for me? You must wear all
the twelve. My husband would actually sit in a corner and wear all the twelve marks on his person if they were rubbed off in travel - before he stood in Periyavas presence. Periyava would place three
fingers vertically on his own forehead to refer to us. Periyava asked us if we had gone through the
ritual of bharanysa 20 with our Acrya, of the Ahobila Maha. My husband decided that the salvation
assured by the traditional ritual of surrender to ones Acrya was not needed if it meant not seeing
Periyava. We dont want the salvation that will deny us Periyavas daran, my husband would say.
Have you performed bharanysa?
No we havent said my husband.
Why not?
Once we go through the ritual of surrender then we may be told not to go elsewhere. That is why. If
we are told not to go anywhere else and we do, we will incur the sin of disobeying the Acrya.
You will not be instructed so. Do not give up your tradition. Go and get it done.
Luckily for us, the Pontiff of Ahobila Maha was camping in Madras then. We went to him and in a
couple of days went through the ritual. The very next day we rushed back to Periyava.
Did he say anything?
No, nothing at all.
I told you so said Periyava and turning to someone nearby said, He said that he did not want
salvation if it meant not seeing me and laughed.
At Thenampakkam he would not allow anyone to go into his room. He would sweep it
himself, clean it himself and fill the ghaas with water he did it all by himself. There was a windowlike aperture in the wall, a counter, through which he would throw out his ochre cloth for wash.
Bhika would also be given through this window. I would hold out the end of my saree and he would
drop the trash dry leaves or flowers- into it. Then like giving a child something, lovingly he would
give me string of threaded flowers, which he would have kept aside. All the flowers and fruits that
were offered would be distributed then and there. But he always had a string of flowers for me when
I held out my cloth to collect the trash which I would carry and throw away.

19

Twelve sacred marks worn by the Vaishanvite upon his body, to the chanting of twelve names of Vishnu
Lit. weight-placing; to place the burden of ones self at the feet of ones Achrya who will from then on be responsible
for the merits and demerits accrued by the one who surrenders thus; a final step in the r Vaishnavite passage towards
God-head, the devotee thenceforth is advised to visit any other Master, especially an Advatin monk.
20

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VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini

Again it was at Thenampakkam . . . during Gokulatami21. Periyava had gone to the thatched
shed22. Srikantan called me and said Mami! Periyava has gone to the thatched shed. You can come
in and draw Krishnas feet23 in five minutes and then run out. Anyway, I have locked the door to the
thatched shed . . .
As if Periyava cannot come through a locked door! I went in and drew tiny feet . . . so tiny . . . it
came out so beautifully that day. . . all the way from the door of the thatched shed to the kitchen, to
the puja room, here and there in a haphazard way, all over the place, like a child running about, and
then came out as quickly as I could.
Periyava came out of the thatched shed and picking up his ochre cloth which was already
quite high, placed his feet on those that I had drawn, one by one and walked towards his room. I was
outside drawing kolam24 and glanced through the window. Periyava bent down and looked at me
through the window. . . he was Krishna it seems . . . walking on the feet I had drawn. Even now
when we draw Krishnas feet during Gokulastami, the scene is fresh before my eyes . . . so many
years have passed . . . and yet the scene is fresh before my eyes.
This was when Periyava was in Maharastra. He has been reading the Hanuman Chalisa25
over and over again. Now the book is in tatters and also lost somewhere someone said. When we
came back to Madras I bought a copy of Hanuman Chalisa, had it bound well and packed it with my
things to take along when we went back for daran. As if Periyava needed a book to read from! Is he
different from Anjaneya26? But I did not think too much. I dont know much. This is what I am. So I
placed the book in front of Periyava.
For whom? Periyava asked through gestures.
For Periyava I replied.
A smile played upon his face.
After bhika Periyava picked up the book and holding it straight in front of his face began to read it
with obvious concentration. I called my husband.
Look! I said. Periyava is reading the book!
My husband chided me Why, what madness! Getting a book for Periyava!
As far as I was concerned the only thing that mattered to me was that Periyavas book had become
tattered and I had to replace it. That was all!
Do you know one Subramania Sastri from Pranthiyankarai? Periyava asked my husband.
Yes his father was my fathers friend . . .
How would you address him?
We called him Chuppini . . .
Will you be able to recognize him if you saw him now?
I shook my head in the negative. I cannot . . .

21

Eighth day of the waning fornight in the month of Avani (August-September), when Krishna was born at midnight
A make-shift private place; euphemism to suggest ablutions and/or cleansing oneself
23
Tiny feet drawn with rice powder from the threshold to the altar, symbolizing the entry of Sri Krishna , into the house,
where he is held to manifest himself on the day of his birth.
24
Patterns /sign of auspiciousness, drawn with rice powder at the threshold of the house
25
A hymn of 40 lines in praise of Hanuman by GoswamiTulasidas.
26
Hanuman, son of Anjana, the deity to whom the hymn is addressed.
22

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In the Presence of the Divine

Pranthiyankarai Subramania Satri was seated there among the devotees. We did not know that. There
was mutual recognition and enquiries and meeting again in Periyavas presence after so many years,
we chatted a while about our village and the news from there. As far as I was concerned it was a
chance to see Periyava for some more time. That was all I knew. I never understood who or what
Periyava was or analyzed my qualification to be there in front of him. The only thing that mattered
was to go on looking at him.
When we first came to Thiruvannamalai, about seven years ago, I used to visit Ramanashram.
Now I do not go anywhere. I spend the day talking to Periyava, crazy as it may seem. Periyava alone
is enough for me. It is not as if Periyava is not there. Earlier he was in one place, now he is in all
places, thats all. In the morning I chant some sloks, in the evening I write Ramajayam and I
spend the day with Periyava. You could see his pictures everywhere in our home in Madras,
wherever you turn, those that he gave me himself, holding it on his lap for a while and gently
stroking the picture with his hand. Do you know where it was taken? In the Kumbakonam Matha, in
the garden in the backyard he would say. Periyava is enough for me.
We never thought of asking Periyava for anything, not that we did not want anything. We just
did not know. If we needed money it came somehow at the right time. Once we had money the only
thing that mattered was to rush to Periyava. That was all we knew. My left foot was once so swollen,
I feared a filarial infection. The doctor assured me that it was not but also told me that it would stay
on like that. When I next went to Periyava, I waited till everyone moved away after the daily reading
of the almanac in the morning and in the opening between the thatch, thrust my foot and said My
foot has become like this. Periyava looked at it and gestured to say that it was nothing. By evening
it was gone without a trace, no medicines, nothing. He simply glanced at my foot. I did not have the
capacity even to appreciate that. What did it matter if the body had a little swelling somewhere? It is
our ignorance, that makes much of it.
Balu would scold us if we lingered on, after Periyava had his bhiksa. Go away he would
say. If you ladies stay on Periyava will not relax! But Jayalakshmi and I would not budge. May be
we were calves when Periyava was Krishna. That is why we are drawn to him now she said.
May be were little monkeys when he was Rama, I said. The monkey babies would run up to
Rama and not knowing that he was the Lord incarnate, jump upon him, climb all over and play with
him, not knowing any fear. We are like that. Dont insects and worms crawl on the earth around
Periyava? We are no better. We go to him in the same way.
We were searching for a good alliance for my elder daughter, who was in college then. We
went to Periyava who was in Andhra, in Rajahmundry. It was a big hall. Such a huge hall it was,
bigger than this house . . . and plates piled with fruit, offerings of all kind lay in massive piles before
him. How could we go near him? The place was full of big shots. But that is Periyava!. Flood the
place with the best of offerings and he will call the person who places two bananas on a dried leaf. It
would be typical of Periyava to go straight to a old man in an obscure corner, whom we may have
thought of as a non-entity.

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Periyava spotted us and beckoned us close. At once everyone made way for us. We went up and
submitted the matter to him. He rejected them forthright. No! he said emphatically Not these!
without so much as a glance at them. Another will come . . . you may accept that.
We offered the few withered fruits we had taken along . . . we would feel shy to make such an
offering in that assembly. But it does not matter, because Periyava knows our heart.
Then we followed up with another that came. It was a good alliance and my daughter was married
off well. Later after the wedding took place, we went to Periyava, who was then camping in
Hyderabad. It was during Vinayaka caturti27 celebrations. A huge idol of Ganesha was placed there.
A little behind Periyava, Pudu Periyava was seated and the place was full of ascetics. A learned
assembly, it seemed and some explication of texts was going on. Periyava spotted us, stopped
everything with a gesture and summoned us. All of us prostrated to Periyava and placed our
offerings before him. We had taken a huge garland.
Offer it to Pillayar said Periyava and my husband placed it around the idol himself. My daughter is
happy, the children are all fine. They are in America.
We have seen Periyava in so many places. I would tie a saree around three bushes and put up
a make-shift kitchen and cook our meal on a stove. It was a big garden, somebodys garden it was .
. . a Ministers garden. Soft soil had been dug and piled up like a tiny hill, this high, taller than us. It
had hardened and steps had been cut into it. On top, the hill had been flattened and four poles were
planted to support a thatched canopy, making for a little shelter. There Periyava was seated on his
grass mat28. Only a hurricane-lamp lent light. I had preserved the little clay lamps from the previous
camp. I also had some ghee . . . I always carried a few things with me. I readied the lamps and lit
them all and then drew a kolam with the rice-flour. My husband plucked same flowers from the
garden, put them on a leaf and placed it there. I arranged all the little lamps on the steps. Periyava
signaled to Balu to put out the hurricane. We sat and watched Periyava in the light of the small clay
lamps. Periyava did his japa and tma pja29. We just sat and watched for a very long time. I put my
stove between the bushes and cooked rice on my little stove. Balu scolded me as usual. After a while,
, a number of devotees came there and they had to be fed. Balu come to my make-shift kitchen
between the bushes and asked me, Do you have some rice at home?
Plenty I said and handed over the rice-pot to him, teasing him at the same time, so you told me not
to cook, did you? Here you are!
Balu managed to serve the devotees a meal with this rice and some kozhumbu that he had in his
kitchen. People came from so many places.
How many places we went to, what joy we had! In Mahagoan, we would spend the whole
day in such joy. The evening was, according to Periyavas instructions, spent in chanting Vinu
sahasranma30 and at night we stayed awake talking about and sharing our experiences with
Periyava. Mahagoan was a mart of joy and we laughed so much.
27

Celebrated in honour of Ganesha in the month of Bhaadrapada(August September) on the fourth day of the waxing
moon fortnight
28
Mat woven of Desmostachya bipinnata / Salt reed-grass, endowed with medicinal properties and always used as a seat
by Periyava; mentioned in the g and severally in the Atharva Veda; suggested in the Gita as the seat for meditation;
29
Lit. Worship of the self; Periyava addressed his worship inward to the Self
30
sahasranma: the thousand names of a deity, Lalit Sahasranma and so on; here of Visu; chanted widely it occurs in

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In the Presence of the Divine

It was when Periyava camped in Mahagoan, a gentleman sporting a long beard came he
was an ardent devotee of Hanuman, we learnt and demanded a room that he could keep under lock
and key. Srikantan said, That is not possible. There is no provision for such things here. You may
leave your belongings here and rest assured that they will be just where you leave them! The man
was insistent and aggressive, others joined the scene and gradually the argument came to fisticuffs.
The guest knocked Mettur Rajagopal, Raju now Mettur Swami with a piece of fire-wood. In
retaliation, Rajagopal caught hold of the mans long beard and would not let go. Then somehow it
was all brought to a close. Later that night, there was a panchayat31. As usual Periyava sat behind his
window and heard everything. Finally he said, All said and done Raju, you should not have caught
hold of his beard! Whatever the man may have done, that is not to be counted. We must not retaliate,
that is not to be done at all!
There was another gentleman we referred to him as Almanac. He was forever quoting
information about the lunar almanac and solar almanac and making a menace of himself. Srikantan
would get wild with him. Get lost he said to the gentleman, with your solar and lunar calculations.
We dont need all that. Leave Periyava alone. He needs to take his bhika! Almanac was so
offended that he went and reported the matter to the head, the Pontiff of another Maha, who is said
to have replied, Is that what they said to you? Then, that Swami deserves to be put behind the bars!
When the matter was reported to Periyava, he said Why must he trouble himself to put me behind
the bars? I have done it to myself! Periyava did not allow anyone into his room in Mahagoan.
Everyone, even Srikantan and Balu, saw him only through the bars of the window. Periyava swept
his room himself and filled the ghaas himself.
Whenever we went to see him I would buy plenty of vilva, a roll of banana fibre and a bottle
of water, all packed together in large bag. A little after the train started, I would start weaving the
vilva into a long strand, slowly, in an unhurried manner, removing all the sticks and stems, all along
the way, till we reached the destination. When I offered it, he would wrap the long strand of vilva all
around his body. His hand and his face would glow from the green of the vilva leaves. He would
wear it all over, the way he wore rudraka during pradoa. Balu would say, Periyava will catch a
cold. She has been sprinkling water frequently on the vilva and covered it with a wet cloth to keep it
fresh till she came here. Its so very wet. Periyava must take care not to catch a cold! In reply
Periyava would say, Nothing of the sort is going to happen and would at times even lie down to
rest with the long strand of wet vilva leaves still wrapped around him.
I remember all these incidents suddenly, now and then. When we sat in the queue for daran
at the Maha, the others would crowd around me and say, Mami, tell us some stories about
Periyava and I would tell them so many. Today when you have all come here to listen to me talking
about Periyava, it seems like a beautiful dream. I forget so much and who has time to listen, anyway?
But I remember Periyava always and live with him alone.
****************************************************

31

the Mahbharata in the context of Bhismas vision in the final moments of his life, of Kra as Naryana
Local assembly of elders functioning as court and administrative office for the village

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VOl II- Article No.4 Pranthyankarai Padmasini