Till Death Do Us Part ~ Matthew 19:1-12

September 20, 2105 ~ New City Church of Calgary ~ Pastor John Ferguson
Intro: Love, Marriage, & Sexuality: How the Gospel Shapes Our Relationships.
Last year, Gwyneth Paltrow and Christ Martin announced the end of their marriage in a public statement that described
the end of their relationship as Conscious Uncoupling.
Calgary couples #DivorceSelfie goes viral
Kermit & Miss Piggy split up
Susan Pease Gadoua & Vicki Larson, The New I Do, argue for fixed term Starter Marriages, aka renewable wed
leases, i.e., marriages set for a definite time in which the couple can decide to renew their marriage lease or part ways.
Question: How should a follower of Jesus think about divorce? The answer to that question, in part, has to do with a
previous question: How should a follower of Jesus think about marriage?
19:1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea
beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 3 And Pharisees came up to him
and tested him by asking, Is it lawful to divorce ones wife for any cause?
1. Entrapment: the religious leaders modus operandi
2. Background: various schools of thought about appropriate reasons for divorce.
Mishnah, Gittin 9. 10: The school of Shammai says:A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found
unchastity in her. And the school of Hillel says: [He may divorce her] if she spoiled a dish for himRabbi Akiba
says: [he may divorce her] if he found another fairer than she (ESVSB note).
4 He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5
and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall
become one flesh? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not
man separate.
1. From the beginning When Jesus spoke about the design of marriage, he didnt go back and reference the
polygamous marriages of the kings of Israel or even the great Patriarchs of Israel.
2. What God has joined together, let not man separate.
Jesus sidesteps the squabble of the religious leaders by highlighting Gods original intentions for marriage
Marriage is a sacred bond established by God that involves leaving, cleaving, and weaving. Jesus
recognized marriage to be not a contract between people, but a covenant entered into before God in which
God himself joins together a man and a woman into a one flesh union.
Christian marriages typically vow to be there for better or for worse, etc. until death do us part.
7 They said to him, Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? 8
He said to them, Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the
beginning it was not so.
1. Jesus is NOT saying that only hard hearted people file for divorce.
Jesus IS saying that because of peoples hardened hearts that rebel against Gods design, Moses allowed
divorce. IOW, it is the hardness of peoples hearts that damages marriages.
2. BUT is was not Gods design from the beginning for marriages to end this way. And to emphasize this,
Jesus speaks emphatically.
9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits
adultery.

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1. There it is: In answer to the question, Is it lawful to divorce for any cause? Jesus answer is clear and
unmistakeable: No! It is not lawful to divorce for any cause. If you divorce your spouse for just any reason you
like, you are violating Gods design for marriage. If you divorce in order to marry someone else, you are committing adultery. If you want a divorce because you find another woman more attractive, or because you find a guy
who promises you to give you more, or because you find someone else who loves your hobby, or who promises
to make you happy, or for any old reason, you are committing adultery.
Why? B/c when you said, I do, you entered into a covenant where God himself joined you to your spouse.
Illustration: A couple came to see me. The wife had multiple romantic encounters with men besides her wife.
She told me that she was having a hard time breaking it off with her boss b/c she had feelings for him. I told her
that her feelings didnt matter in terms of knowing what the right thing to do was. Rather, he covenant she made
before God tells her what the right thing to do was.
2. Sexual immorality = porneia = any sexual activity or expression outside the bounds of marital sexual love.
If a persons spouse commits adultery, divorce is permitted though not required.
3. 1 Corinthians 7:14, Paul talks about another time when a divorce may happen, i.e., when an unbeliever refuses
to stay married to a believer. In that case, the believer is free to remarry. However, if the unbeliever is willing to
stay married, Paul counsels stay married.
10 The disciples said to him, If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.
1. His disciples understood the gravity of what Jesus was saying.
2. When we do premarital counselling, we challenge the couple not to take this step unless they intend to stay
married until death parts them.
The mindset: Enter marriage as if divorce is not an option.
11 But he said to them, Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.
1. This sayingdoes it refer to Jesus statement about whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, commits
adultery? OR does it refer to the disciples statement, If such is the casebetter not to marry? Yes.
2. In Christian weddings, the minister says something like, Marriage is not to be entered into lightly or unadvisedly,
but reverently, deliberately, honestly in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.
3. We also counsel couples to never threaten the D-word when they fight, because once its suggestedeven in
the heat of a fightit becomes like a worm that gnaws away at the relationship.
Main Idea: According to Jesus, the design of marriage is intended to be permanent.
1. Know that marriage is The Great Revealer.
(1) In our study called, The Plague of Every Relationship, we talked about the old Christian teaching of homo
incurvates in se: the human curved in on oneself / turned in toward oneself. This curve, this bent, is what the
Bible calls sin, or living for oneself. We are natural born narcissists, addicted to ourselves.
I didnt know how selfish I was until I got married, and it really didnt hit me until about 15 years into marriage.
(2) Gary & Betsy Ricucci, One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse.
Had there been a card attached, it would have said, Heres to helping you discover what youre really like!
(3) Cf. Tim Kellers ten-ton Mack truck illustration.

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 Self-centerednessis the ever-present enemy of every marriage. It is the cancer in the center of a marriage
when it begins, and it has to be dealt with.
Only sinners say, I do.
2. Draw upon the resources of the Gospel.
(1) Jesus came to not only die for our sins, but to deal with the destructive, self-centred tendencies in our nature.
(2) Illustration: After talking with one of my good friends whose spouse left him for another man, I asked my wife if
she thought she could ever commit adultery. Yes. Given the right circumstancesthe perfect stormit could
happen. She didnt say it would be right, but that it could happen. And we were both sobered by the power that
we had to destroy our lives. And we talked about our love for each other, and a desire to walk through our worst
nightmare (if it were ever to occur) toward forgiveness and reconciliation if possible.
(3) For the Christian, there are resources available to you in the Gospel if you found yourself in your worst
nightmare.
Colossians 3:12-14, Put on then, as Gods chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility,
meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each
other; a the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.
There are resources available in the Gospel to help you forgive your spouse. That doesnt mean that reconciliation is automatic, or that it even happens at all, but it does enable you to forgive.
(4) When Jesus said that divorce is permitted, but not required in the case of adultery. His thinking was at odds
with everyone in the first century world of Jerusalem which required divorce in those instances.

3. Help us create a culture of healing.

(1) We are all more flawed, broken, sinful, and messed up than we often have the courage to admit, but at the same
time we can experience more love, forgiveness, and acceptance with God than we ever dared to hope or dream.
(2) We all desire whats said in fairy tales to be true of us, They lived happily ever after. But sometimes that
doesnt happen. Sometimes relationships end b/c of adultery. Sometimes they end other reasons. If that is you,
we want you to know that we recognize that this is part of your story. And you are in the midst of a people who are
imperfect, who have messed up in a number of ways, weve all said things and done things we wish we could take
back. And together we can experience the healing of the Gospel of Jesus.
(3) We want you to know that healing for all of us is ultimately found in the Lord Jesus Christ. He came to bear
our sin, the Righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God. And when we turn from living for
ourselves to trusting in Jesus and living for him, we find that he redeems our stories with all its brokenness and
glory.
Revelation 21:4-5, He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor
pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, Behold, I
am making all things new.

NCC, may the Lord form you into a people who

highly esteem marriage as a sacred covenant established by God,
and may the Gospel of Jesus Christ shape your relationships.

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