What To Do This Month Definitely Not The News The Rainy Day Page Useful Telephone Numbers Classified Ads ‘And Lots More Fun Stuff! Lote YR Ako 15. IP Page 3 - For whom the bell tolls! Page 6 - The guts to bust your balls! Page 7- Oh the hell with it Page 15 - Religious difference COSTAMBAR Yenny’s Market Catamaran Beach Bar El Carey Costambar Library Pedro's Bar & Restaurant La Otra Las Rocas Vik’s Place Sharkey's PUERTO PLATA Big Lee's Beach Bar ‘Tropical Bar Supermercado Jose Luis RUSA Money Exchange LAS ROCAS Los Tres Cocos COFRESI a Gat ue oy Sic 1, LdCostambar Monthly page 2 da Wee om le) a Los Tres Cocos in Las Rocas invites you to try something different. Call 809-993-4503 for details. Fine dining at it’s best! At The Catamaran on Costambar Beach you'll find great food at great prices enjoyed with a million dollar view! Enjoy a relaxing breakfast on the beach. Every day they have Power Hour with 3X1 cuba libres from 6-7pm. Their food never disappoints! WIFI ZONE!!! Ask Paul about their summer specials! Big Lee’s Beach Bar on the Malecon has fantastic food at affordable prices! Amazing Fish & Chips, big juicy burgers and yummy sandwiches. Kitchen now open 9:30pm to. 11:00pm. Karaoke with DJ Marilyne & Karaoke Tropical is on October 3rd & 17th - starts 8pm. Kevin & Patricia invite you to El Carey Restaurant - where you can enjoy the beach your way!! Every day 2 cuba/santo libres for RDS$100 from 5-7pm. Lobster empanadas are back! The best burger in town, Kevin's homemade Mamajuana and fresh made Pina Coladas! On Saturdays & Sundays they are serving Rice & Beans. Yummy ground beef empanadas! WiFi! Pedro’s Bar & Restaurant has a full menu including Pedro’s Famous Cordon Bleu. Fridays 4-6pm they have cocktail specials. Watch all your favourite sports events here! WIFI Zone! Tropical Bar on the Malecon has over 20 types of Belgian beer and 8 sports channels! They serve a variety of food and tapas and every Friday have karaoke - including Dutch songs! Wednesdays get 3 crepes for RD$100 with real Belgian sugar & syrup. Daiquiris on special every Thursday - buy 2 get the 3rd one free! Fresh new meal specials all the time - pass by and check them out! And relax in comfy new lounge furniture! Over 30 different types of beer for you to try! This month they introduce the famous Belgian Bicky Burger!!! La Otra has Karaoke every Saturday night. Open for breakfast at 8am. Try their famous Chivo Picante (spicy goat) or other menu items. Air- conditioned bar & lounge for your comfort. They now have new massage rooms and also do manicures. Enjoy Happy Hour from 9am to Spm ‘on Monday to Friday. And they have a new beer from Cuba at a special price - try Bucanero for onty RD$100 a bottle! Karaoke every day! They would love to host your next event - from baptism to bachelor parties to weddings. Vik’s Place has cold drinks, hot music and yummy burgers! Breakfast 9am-1pm daily except Monday. Happy Hour & A Half from 6:30-8pm! Stayed tune for coming events! First bar in, last bar out! Sharky’s Food & Drink has something for you to enjoy every day but Monday. Tuesday to Saturday from 4:30-7:30pm they have Happy Hour with 2X1 Brugal Anejo drinks. Tuesdays they have 7 different types of Mojitos for you to try at only RDS150 each! Wednesdays are 10% off Wing Night! Thursdays are 10% off Tequila and Tex Mex food! Fridays they have Live Music and Saturdays it’s Karaoke! On Sunday they are ‘open from noon and have a Family Movie Night starting at 7pm! Ditaaie nie Pacer Ratt aaa EN ed Vets liaat ett oe stair around the neighborhood in the evening. And we Wena tase mkt is Piha atta ata Rett | COR mci Ritts eee cana als Eira aanad isa) Peete UceeCostambar Monthly page 3 OLD BUTCH Fred was in the fertilized eqq business. He had several hundred young pullets; and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. m Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from BIG L EE’ 'S B h B; a distance, which rooster was performing, eacn bar Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an lopen Every Bay at 9am - 2rd caseta from La Siena efficiency report by just listening to the bells. Ry Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine 3 specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's Ry FULL MENU SERVED bell hadn't rung at alll . - I When he went to investigate, he saw the other 9:30 AM - 11:00 PM roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, 1 " but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would YESSSSS! Kitchen OPEN to 1:00pm run for cover. Enjoy Breakfast, our Fantastic Fish & Chips, To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his . beak, so it couldn't ring, He'd sneak up on a pullet, | Cheeseburgers & Fries or our Great Sandwiches! do his job and walk on to the next one. Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in = , ‘Saturday the Local Farm Show and he became an overnight A UNTICEIIM October 3rd & 17th sensation among the judges, The result was the ‘ Featuring DJ Marilyne judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell , Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the "Pulleteurprise” as well. Wr we WD rw a Ps BAR IN PUERTO PLATA & Karaoke Tropical EARLY BIRDS WELCOME BACK! UUM CRC a| SCR SST CL RHETORICAL QUESTION?Costambar Monthly page 4 PEDRO'S BAR & RESTAURANT in front of jenny’s lopen Monday-Saturday 10:30am-9pm Closed Sundays| SPORT BAR FOOD & DRINKS _- 3} CALIFORNIA STYLE SS ‘Open Tues to Sat from 4:30pm Calle Principal, Costambar (beside the ferreteria) MONDAYS Closed TUESDAY- Happy Hour 4:30-7:30pm SATURDAY 2X1 Brugal Anejo Mojito Day TUESDAYS ‘Only RD$150 7 different types! WEDNESDAYS 10% off wings night! SS 10% Off Tequila and 809-970-7786 o® THURSDAYS Tex Mex Food! FRIDAYS Live Music!! 3pm SATURDAYS Karaoke Night! 8pm WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME ‘YOU'RE GONNA ray Movie Nght REGRET THAT IN THE MORNING? I SLEEP SUNDAYS Starts 7pm Open from NOON! “ater ohense veda seta sae at TOM 809-402-2553 IN TILL NOON, BECAUSE I’M A PROBLEM SOLVER! 809-970-3438 Los Tres Geos RESTAURANT INTERNATIONAL GOURMET CUISINE & AUSTRIAN SPECIALTIES a Tae sticks out the zippe Tel(g09) 970-7627 (Co 605 993-4503, Las Rocas Coftes, Mares CerradoCostambar Monthly page 5 WHAT.DO YOU CALL A SLEEPWALKING. NUN? ROAMIN' CATHOLIC An Englishman says to his friend, >) the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants. "Igo in at well past 9 o'clock in Try Our Famous the evening, eat several courses eS slowly, linger over coffee, port Chivo Picante! and a cigar. Come 2 aim, as they Other menu items available also} 2° 2ting eversthing away 1 just keep sitting there until Open for Breakfast at 8am! | eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Air conditioned Bar & Lounge! ‘Then say; ve already paid your New massage rooms! Manicures! The Qootona is tirerecsed and Happy Hour Monday-Friday Yam-Spm | cays: ‘ter’ try it together this 2X1 Rum Drinks RD$100 (Brugal & Barcelo) | [2 ine acotaman books them into __ Karaoke Every Day! Seer ea stg Special Price on new beer from Cuba | sere after avery ful meal. Sure th, ‘i id Bucanero only RD$100! askethemtopay Available for All Your Special Events! | tress ratscoe catecmue who a _ has left.” 809 970 7617 And the Scotsman adds: "And we 829-770-0661 are still waiting for the change. 2 ingplacePuertPata com “The Mabting Place OPEN WHEN THE CRUISE SHIP VISITORS ARE IN TOWN Calle Juan Bosch 60, Puerto Plata BECAUSE You NEVER PUT THE LAUNDRY IN THE DRYER LIKE | ASKED You To 100 GODDAMN TIMES.Costambar Monthly page 6 oy as El Carey BU WELCOME TO [KEVIN & PATRICIA’S EL CAREY Where you can enjoy the beach your way! PS Te ed 2 Cuba/Santo Libres for RD$100 Calle Reina Isabel, Costambar. Puerto Plata Spanish 809-918-1448 English 809-9248233 ‘There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts” or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here's the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295. GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?" BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the “Balle” to say; ‘You're next, Chubby’ trust this clears up any confusion. Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal. CONFESSION. Jack qoes to his friend Mike and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Anglican priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me? The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees. After mass, he starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest.. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.” ‘The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says... "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ‘MORE THAN 20 TYPES OF BELGIAN BEER! 8 SPORTS CHANNELS! VARIETY OF FOOD & TAPAS! @ TropicalBarPop © tripadvisor ON THE MALECON, CASETA #3, PUERTO PLATA. OPEN FROM 12PM. CLOSED TUESDAYS. THE HUMAN BODY HAS 7 TRILLION NERVES AND SOME PEOPLE MANAGE TO GET ON EVERY SINGLE ON OF THEM!Costambar Monthly page 7 HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT ‘The following is an actual question given on a MORE INFO University chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer $ tumed in by a student. Ais ‘The ancwer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the | WE DCDR Costambar professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and WHEN: Saturday October 10th from 4pm-7om heats when it is compressed) or some variant. naTiblaeeaue Beach) One student, however, wrote the following: g First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is Koger omntemrealmtoet sees) changing in time. So we need to know the rate at 50/50 Raffie! which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can Mini Bake Sate! safely asoume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave, Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many we @ Kanne! souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different % ‘Come join the fun at the beach, bring a friend or friends religions that exist in the world today, Most of these sa ccce suuneamne Rata er casnient religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than oes one of these religions and since people do not belong Eo RU aa EERE to more than one religion, we can project that all soule [PUR ty ey aa aL Ula eae] go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. ‘This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in sal Haiteietseepentrgos anaueioseennetve | Galle Principal Costambar fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is 7 ' exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary First bar in, last bar out of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it Satine eitiet leorng dalgdionres thereby Stay tuned for next month's upcoming events! proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’ THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.Costambar Monthly page 8 ) HAS OUR SHIP FINALLY COME IN? Ships Ahoy Mateys! Looks like everything is set for the first cruise ship to dock on October 6th! Or as set as you can expect it to be in the Dominican Republic! Hopefully this will be the boon to North Coast tourism that everyone is banking on and the ship's passengers come out of the ‘mini Puerto Plata’ created at the marina and explore all the wonderful things that the North Coast has to offer. ‘And hopefully we all put our best faces forward to greet these new tourists with smiles, respect and Pride in our home town! RIDING IT OUT! : 4. Puerto Plata tL ew ert W seem to be threatening violent protests in response to a plan to remove them from operating in the downtown area. On one hand, we hope this will not come to pass as it is exactly the sort of thing that harms tourism here, especially the fledgling cruise tourism that is starting. But on the other hand, motos are the only source of transportation for many here on the North Coast and unless the current gua gua (bus) system can be upgraded and improved to compensate for decreased or non- existent motoconchos how are locals to get around. We certainly don’t need any more private cars or motos adding to the traffic chaos that is Puerto Plata. And it is in typical Dominican fashion that the authorities left the traffic issue (and so many other issues) to the last minute to deal with. IT’S ALWAYS BLOOMIN’ SOMETHING! The morning of September 25th found this enormous mess on the beach. Apparently it is the result of an unprecedented algae bloom. Workers attacked it and removed it using horse and cart. Unfortunately, and frustratingly, as soon as it is cleared another batch arrives. Hopefully it won’t last too long. a MIGRATION 4 4 5 OF THE PALE Se S22 NORTH COAST 4, gm SNOWBIRDS AZ) To BEGIN sSBa Keep your eyes open this month for sightings of this not so rare returning species. While migratory patterns vary from year to year it is typical that advance scouts show up in October hailing the return of the full flock in the coming months! GO AHEAD AND RAIN ON OUR PARADE!! While other areas of the Dominican Republic are apparently receiving ample rain, it has still been pretty dry here on the North Coast. Although Puerto Plata has had a few short downpours, Costambar received nothing but drops until Sunday September 27th when the always threatening skies finally made good on their promise! It wasn’t enough but it was a start and it has helped perk up. the sad and droopy foliage and clean off the layer of dust that had settled on everything.Costambar Monthly page 9 THE RAINY DAY PAGE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 10 SUDOKU PUZZLES Fill in the missing numbers so every row, column and quadrant contains the number 1 through 9. BEGINNER ACORN APPLE N wrcHimaxor