NEW DOCUMENTARY "THE MASK YOU

LIVE IN" DISSECTS MODERN MASCULINITY

by Sarah Mirk
Published on July 20, 2015 at 4:54pm

You dont get more traditionally masculine than Joe

Ehrmann. The defensive lineman played in the NFL for eight
years, where his job was to relentlessly tackle dudes. So its a
surprise to hear him empathetically recall his very earliest
memory at the beginning of new documentary The Mask You
Live In. Ehrmann explains how he viscerally remembers his
dad telling him to stop cryingto be a man. Thats one of
the most destructive phrases in this culture, says Ehrmann.
In 2011, directors Jennifer Siebel Newsom and Kimberlee Acquaro put together Miss
Representation, an engaging documentary that illuminates many of the myriad ways women and
girls are poorly represented in American pop culture. The response to the documentary was
resoundingit has been screened in thousands of schools, as its a particularly excellent
resource for helping young adults develop media literacy around gender representation.
After Miss Representations release, Newsom founded The Representation Project, a non-profit
that encourages people to rethink gender stereotypes. The Mask You Live In, which is currently
screening at festivals and upon request, is The Representation Projects crucial follow-up film
dissecting modern masculinity. Like Miss Representation, The Mask You Live In has an
accompanying text curriculum (including middle-school-friendly infographics) and is geared
toward being screened in educational settingslike school health classes or media workshops
rather than wide-release.
The Mask You Live In weaves personal stories like Ehrmanns with context from experts on
psychology, gender, and media. All together, their voices convey a powerful message: The way
boys are taught to be manly hurts them and hurts our whole society. The documentary is
wide-ranging, touching on everything from superheroes to domestic violence to the school-toprison pipeline. While its sweeping in scope, the documentary does an admirable job
explaining how our culture creates masculinity. It makes a point, too, to frame the conversation
at the outset by differentiating sex and gender.
From a young age, were taught not to express our emotions, says educator and anti-violence
advocateTony Porter in the film, explaining how both parents and pop culture impress upon
boys that they must not be emotionalboys are often told that being tough means never being
vulnerable. That attitude teaches boys to be quiet about their feelings, which leads to repressed
emotions bursting to the surface in violent ways. This has wide-ranging consequences. As the
film points out, one in four boys is bullied in schoolbut only 30 percent of bullied boys ever
notify an adult. It can lead to a loss of intimate friendships and a reliance on getting drunk to
talk honestly about your thoughts. Psychologists note that the language of emotions
disappears as boys get olderat the same ages that rates of suicide go up. Once theyre in high
school, fewer than 50 percent of boys with mental health problems ever seek help. The film
connects the dots between a masculine ideal that valorizes lack of empathy and physical force to
the creation of a society rife with sexual assault and domestic violence.
Some of the strongest scenes in the film come during an after-school discussion on masculinity
led byAshanti Branch, an assistant principal in Oakland who works to help his male students
build an emotional tool box. Branch asks the group of teen boys to take out a piece of paper
and, on the front, write the image of themselves they think other people see. The teens write

down various responses: funny, tough, strong.

Then, on the back, Branch asks them to write what
people dont see. The responses are almost all the
same: anger and isolation. As Branch makes clear,
traditional masculinity and other oppressive
influenceslike racism and inequalityforce teen
boys to don a mask of invulnerability, one that
often cuts them off from connecting with the
people around them. Thats a tragedy. Branch and
educators like him featured in the film aim to redefine strength to not mean dominance, but to
mean seeking justice and having the bravery to be honest. When one of the boys in the group
puts his head in his hands, his neighbor reaches out and silently places a hand on his backa
quiet but profound gesture of comfort and support. Watching that simple but rare action, I felt
genuinely moved.
Another moving story in the film comes from Steven, a young dad whos trying to raise his son,
Jacksen, in a more open-minded way than he was brought up. Early on in his life as a dad,
Steven resorted to Googling how to be sensitive. Now, he has developed many positive ways
to support his sons emotional openness, joy, and creativity. His son suggests they write notes to
each other every week in order to tell each other things that are hard to say. Steven is on board
for the idea and the resulting notesplaced in an adorable special mailboxexpress all kinds
of feelings, good and bad. Among all the depressing statistics about the problems of masculinity,
it was great to see Steven, Jacksen, and Ashanti Branch offer proactive, positive counterexamples for men. Its significant to note that the focus of this work is not to make boys act
more like girls but to try and strip away the negative socialization about toughness and
masculinity thats piled on boys from a young age and rethink gender norms altogether.
People often ask me how men fit into modern feminism. Im glad that in addition to pointing
them toJackson Katz, Byron Hurt, and Guante, I can now direct people to The Mask You Live
In as a tremendous resource for considering how rigidly policed gender rules impact everyone
badly. This documentary sheds no tears over imagined
misandry, instead picking the more intelligent target: the
way forcing a boy to be a man will make us all worse
off in many ways. As the documentary makes clear, we
all have role to play in creating a healthier culture.