Funny Jokes

1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver

says: Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen! The
woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down,
fuming. She says to a man next to her: The driver just
insulted me! The man says: You go up there and tell
him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.
2. Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get
out! We don't want your type in here''
3. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for
the man who shot my paw.''
4. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber
whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in
the world. Watch while I prove it to you. The barber
puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you
want, son? The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never
learns! Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the
same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take
the quarters instead of the dollar bill? The boy licked
his cone and replied, Because the day I take the dollar,
the game is over!
5. Q:Why should you never iron a four leaf clover? A:You
should never press your luck!
6. What's ET short for? Because he's got little legs.
7. There are these two sausages sizzling in a frying pan.
The one turns to the other and says" gees, it's hot in
here" and the second one turns around and goes
"AAAAH, a talking sausage".
8. What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A
stick.
9. What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad
skydiver? A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad
skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
10.
How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck
of cards.

11.
What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A
cartoon.
12.
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a
4-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.
13.
What do you get when you cross a stream and a
brook? Wet feet.
14.
What did the necktie say to the hat? You go on
ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
15.
What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus,
grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in
Cincinnati? Dead.
16.
What do you call a country where everyone has to
drive a red car? A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive
a pink car? A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived
in their cars? An in-car-nation.
17.
How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it? Concrete floors are very hard to
crack!
18.
What looks like half apple? The other half.
19.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it? No time at all it
is already built.
20.
If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it
will become? It becomes wet.