The Shadow

Network
Volume Two

THE GRYMOIRE
FOR
BROTHER BRUCE
For the year of 2002

Acknowledgement
Bruce Barnett
I've been trying to improve my personal magic for years. I was
searching for something different, and felt traditional magic wasn't
my strength. I went to clubs, magic conventions, and lectures, and
while I loved seeing the magic, I felt something was missing. I saw
problems no one else saw. But I had no one to talk to about these
issues. I knew there was more to performing, but I had a hard time
talking to people about these problems - they looked at me as if I
had 2 heads.
I created the EG, and years later, I set up the computer portion of
the Shadow Network. And in doing so I found a unique collection
of individuals. It seemed that no two people were alike, yet they
showed great respect and support for others struggling to find the
way. But more importantly, I discovered friendship. Here are
people whom I've never met in person, yet I feel like I known them
for years.
I am deeply touched by the friendship of those that have
contributed to this book, along with those that have purchased it. I
truly appreciate the contributions, especially to Brother Shadow,
Larry White, and our own NLT+++++++++++++ (I've lost
count)+++++ - Gene Poinc.

TABLE OF CONTENTS
(Note: Out of respect (and a great deal of fear) we choose to place the contribution from
our NLT++ first. Those that follow are listed in the more logical alphabetical order by last
names of the authors. - Editors)
PROFILES OF SUSPICION ......................................................................................... 4
GENESIS...................................................................................................................... 9
MAGICK DUST!.........................................................................................................11
THE SECRET AND THE PROPHECY.......................................................................14
WAND-ERFULL .........................................................................................................18
ENOG LANE...............................................................................................................21
MSAGRO ....................................................................................................................25
THE SCARAB OF IMHOTEP.....................................................................................27
PAY ME NOT; BUT ONE DAY, PAY YOU SHALL .................................................30
"... AND THAT FEELS JUST RIGHT!"......................................................................33
THE DREAMS OF THE ALCHEMISTS.....................................................................35
RIPPER .......................................................................................................................38
THE RING SEANCE...................................................................................................39
HOMECOMING..........................................................................................................42
THE MONSTERS AMONG US ..................................................................................44
FALLEN FROM GRACE ............................................................................................46
WITHIN THE EYE .....................................................................................................48
WHO IS JOE KERR?...................................................................................................50
THE WANDERING MUMMY....................................................................................52
THE LAST LEAF........................................................................................................60
JACK ...........................................................................................................................63
CRIMINAL COURTROOM ........................................................................................66
THE INSULTING BARD............................................................................................69

PROFILES OF SUSPICION
Gene Poinc
Genepoinc@aol.com
The performer places a black portable office file case on the table. He studies it for a
moment, then slowly looks at each participant, "You...and you...and you...in actuality all
of you may soon detest me. Oh, with good reason. Far be it from me to object to what is
deserved. But it is an issue that must be addressed. One that --"
The performer stops in mid-sentence, stares at two participants that are a couple. He
says to the man, "The lady's profile...interesting, most interesting. Have you noticed
the...no matter, not right now."
He turns his attention to the file case. "Portable. A file case." Opens it, tilts it
somewhat so participants can see the alphabetical dividers. "Organization from A to Z. In
proper order all of human thought could be within. And deeds both sublime and savage,
endearing and deadly. And perhaps even artifacts of such if not too large for portability.
All in neat order from A to Z. Consider -- does God carry one in His cosmic travels? Or
if not God then perhaps His adversary? But...beside the point."
He glances at a male participant, "Would you please turn your head a trifle. Just a
little more. More, please. Yes..fine. Interesting. Thank you." Immediately turns his
attention back to the file case. "From A to Z -- the best and worst of human experience.
How powerful a mere alphabet considering the totality of all it represents."
A beat, a kind of reverie, the performer in sing-song childish voice almost inaudibly
sings, "A B C D E F G...HIJK...LMNO...P...Q R S T...UVW...XYZeeeee." He snaps out
of it, runs his fingers over the file dividers and stops on U. Crisply, "U...as for Unknown."
Reaches in and withdraws a blank sheet of paper, stares at it curiously.
"What could be more unknown than a blank sheet of paper telling us nothing, teaching
us nothing. Worthless." Tears the paper to pieces, "Worthless...unless..." shows the
paper restored, and now on it a reproduction of a Vesalius engraving of a brain, "A
mystery centuries ago when Andreas Vesalius engraved it, a mystery today. Oh, not the
anatomy of a brain -- but the nature of the Mind. Unknown. U. Unknown. And..."
The performer again stops in mid-sentence, looks at a participant, simply gestures that
she/he turn head to the side. If the participant does not understand than verbal direction is
given, "To the side, please." He studies the profile a moment, nods, then turns his
attention back to the engraving.
"The blank sheet to engraved brain of centuries past by the master anatomist Vesalius.
How the change?" Smiles slightly. Runs his finger over the file dividers. "L for

legerdemain or farther here M for magic of arcane nature. No matter. It simply

happened. Not why you shall detest me. " He taps the engraving. "The brain and what
lurks within -- the Mind. Unknown. The Mind Unknown."
The Performer slowly runs his finger over the dividers. "D...D...for deeds divine." He
reaches into the D section and removes a bottle with a skull and crossbones on the label.
"Or, of course...D for deadly." He taps the engraving of the brain, "Unknown what lurks
in the mind."
He shakes the bottle a trifle, a rattle is heard. Opening the lid he pours out a pill.
"Unknown who was the first to with deliberate intent administered a lethal dose. Some
Cro-Magnon who by chance discovered Nightshade accidentally killed a peer and
eventually put such new knowledge to...angry use." Gestures toward the engraving,
"Who knows what lurked in that primitive mind, or for that matter in those of today. And
yet there is..."
He places the poison pill into his other hand, closes his fingers over it, "D for Deadly,
but then, too, there is --" He opens his hand; the pill has changed into a beautiful crystal,
"D the exquisite Divine that reflects the radiant light of a pure soul. A puzzlement. Both
in the capability of that..." taps the engraving, "elusive mind."
He glances at one of the participants, tilts his own head a bit to the side for a better
view of the profile, "Hmm..." Turns his attention back to the file, running his forefinger
over the divider letters, " P...Q...R...ah, something curious here -- S. S for sin or sacred.
S for..." reaches into the S section, withdraws a silk stocking, "for sensuality of silk as
such." He strokes the stocking lightly, with a small smile. "How sweet to the touch. And
S for..." ties a knot at the center of the stocking, coils one end around one hand, the other
end around the other hand as if preparing to use it as a garrote. A slight reverie, "S for
strangulation." Snaps out of it, "What was in that Boston gentleman's..." gestures toward
the engraving, "deadly mind?"
The performer lightly blows at the knot in the stocking. It vanishes. "M again for
magic? Not all is what it seems. Some things must persist." He stretches the stocking
out on the table, reaches into the file, "E for evidence...some things must prevail."
The performer brings out a pair of scissors from the E section, "No, not misfiled. E
for evidence -- that some things must persist. must prevail." He lifts up the center of the
stocking forming a loop, cuts the stocking apparently in half at the loop. "If only fates or
gods would grant destruction." He puts the scissors aside, rubs his hand over the cut ends
restoring the stocking, "Perhaps...no escape from what must be."
The performer stares bleakly at the stocking, methodically ties a knot at the center and
then again coils each end of the stocking around his hands as if to use as a garrote, a
trance-like whisper, "Evidence some things must be." Very slowly he looks from woman
to woman to woman among the participants.
"One...wonders...why."

He lets the stocking fall to the table. His fingertips slam down on the engraving of the
brain, "An answer lurking in an elusive mind! Why? Why must some things persist...some
prevail?"
The performer snaps out of the very strange state, finger again runs over the letters on
the file dividers. "Why.? R perhaps. R for reincarnation...tasks left undone in previous
lives. Loves and hates carried forth from some long past to an omnipresent now. Or
perhaps...yes...perhaps back here...P for possession not of earthly goods, but of that vital
spark within -- nothing less than a human soul. P...for possession. And, to be sure, P for
point -- the point of all this. Twenty-six simple letters..." his hand moves over all the
dividers, "embracing the sacred and the profane. All that lurks in..." glances toward the
engraving. "Need more be said?"
He breathes deeply, stares at the participants, "Profiles. Do you see the secret stories
they tell? Be it lover or one's mate, not that they are mutually exclusive. Assume that
anger has passed, all has been forgiven. Some mundane relaxation, perhaps the watching
of TV. The profile...be it his or hers...the fitting frown that is not in reaction to what
babbles on the screen. What thought lurks in that unknown mind?"
The performer is silent for a beat staring at the participants, softly, "What thought
lurks. Or driving home from party revelry. She or he at the wheel and suddenly the
profile smiles slightly. What is it remembering? Or who? Or in the breakfast nook,
morning sun upon the neighbor in a yard. The profile watches much too long, of what
interest that he or she. What secret thought lurks in the mind that may not hunger for
breakfast food."
The performer's fingers drum a rapid staccato on the engraving, "That ever unknown
mind. And, oh, when that profile is reading, perhaps a murder mayhem mystery -- why
that small smile inappropriate for the fare. And consider, too, that profile in the intimacy
of bed, the eye seen as if focused somewhere else. And in the truth of deep dream sleep -the profile that sighs or groans or grimaces in rage and an arm flays out at you."
The performer is silent, nodding his head slightly, affirmatively, "All that and so much
more in unknown minds. Do we truly know with whom we live and laugh and love...or
with what? All that lurks therein from where? From situations of the day, or lives lived
long past, or perhaps the unthinkable of possession by denizens of...of where? And what
is their intent?"
After a silent beat, the performer sharply snaps the file closed. His stare cuts into the
participants as his hand raises to indicate his own profile. This action bares his wrist. A
large fiery brand of 666 is seen on his wrist.
He touches his profile, smiles coldly, "Profiles that think they hide what lurks in mind.
Do watch the profile of your beloved."

The performer picks up the file case, casually gestures toward the engraving, "Yours.
A gift. A small momento to serve as reminder. And now if you will please excuse me I
have others...to entertain."
He walks off softly singing with that childlike voice, "A B C
D...EFG...HIJK...LMNO...P....."
METHODS
If you have an Office Depot in your area they sell a marvelous portable File Case. It's
black, 15 by 10 by 5 inches, with a snap lock and handle. The alphabetical dividers are
built in. Great looking and with the story it takes on a kind of ominous aura. I bought
two because they were only $9.95 each which necessitated my sitting in gutter with alms
bowl for only three days. A bargain. Actually, you should buy a couple. Cut the dividers
out and you have a handsome case for props used in other routines.
So the paper tear is a Paper Tear with switch for the Vesalius engraving of the brain.
Don't age it. It should be on the same fresh white paper as the first sheet.
Use a white vitamin, or from whatever, plastic bottle. Cut out the bottom. Put glue on
the resulting disk and affix it up inside the bottle. You now have a small compartment at
the top for the poison pill, and a nice large compartment to conceal the crystal. Print up a
label with Skull and Crossbones and copy of warnings as would appear on such a bottle.
Make it look believable -- just drawing the skull will not do.
When the bottle is removed from the File Case middle finger is under the bottle
keeping the crystal in place. At this point it's imperative the hands are seen to be empty
without making an issue of it. Right hand transfers the bottle to left hand in order to
remove the cap. When the pill is spilled out on the table right hand removes bottle from
left hand, leaving the crystal behind in a loose fingerpalm and puts the bottle aside. That's
very loose fingerpalm, palm facing up and looking empty.
The pill is then apparently put into the left hand, but thumb slides it into a right hand
fingerpalm while crystal holding hand closes.
The Vanishing Knot on the stocking is any false knot tie you choose to use. The
subsequent cut is the Turban Cut with duplicate stocking loop on elastic leading either up
sleeve or under jacket. Steal it at proper time and bring it into view when apparently
pulling up the center of the stocking from your hand.
Or if you prefer, forget the elastic and simply palm away the loop after it's cut if you
feel secure in doing so.
While an inflamed actual brand of 666 would look magnificent on your wrist I guess
you'll mess around with collodian or whatever. Oh well...sometimes I wonder why I
bother.

Anyway, be subtle about exposing the 666 as you raise your hand to the side of your
face; no broad "lookee here" gesture.
The routine is described at optimum presentational acting. It can be done without it,
but would lose a great deal of power. Be honest with yourself. If you have the acting
talent -- go for it for full dramatic impact. If you lack the talent, simply do it straight.
Repeat. Be honest with yourself even if a negative self-evaluation makes you miserable
which it will.
That's it. By the way...did you ever watch your lover's profile when she or he isn't
aware you're watching? Just wondered and thought I'd ask to sorta give you something to
do.

GENESIS
Walt Anthony
MerlynSF@aol.com
A routine for Card Warp.
During one "Mystery School" session, I had a vivid dream, I dreamt that I was
performing the now classic card effect "Card Warp" for a group of fellow magicians in the
Close-up Cafe, and as the routine ended, I woke suddenly, and at once wrote down the
very realistic performance in my dream. That is how this presentation was born. Being
used to working on stage, I use Jumbo Cards.
...and God created Man...
(fold King Card sideways)
...and that he should not be alone, God created Woman...
(fold Queen Card lengthwise)
...to be his helpmate, and stand beside him...
(Queen Card is inserted into King Card)
...but, Adam's first wife was not Eve. Man's first partner was Lilith!
Adam depended on her for survival and comfort...
(Cards are folded in the inside-out move)
...However, in Lilith, God also created Deception!
For she was the world's first Sorceress as well...
(Cards are set on spectator's flat hand like a stage)
...She was a creature of mystery and duplicity, her actions not always
to be trusted...
(Card is pushed up and down, showing the reversals, twice)
...Accounts of ancient scholars vary, as to Lilith's fate, stories say
she was banished to the desert, some that she wed Cain,
and some say she lives on in every woman.
(Cards are folded back and forth and then torn in two)
...But scholars do agree, Lilith well prepared Adam for his
life-partner, the woman Eve!
(Card-halves are left for the spectator's to examine)
Lord Santiago called a while back to revel in the wonderful items he had

gleaned over the weekend-And to brainstorm-with what to DO with these VERY fantastical looking things-Like Venus from her shell,
the gist of this presentation leap out of me.
And so, I offer it to you-all Story-Magicians who do Close-up
(as I rarely have the privilege of giving such intimate performances)
"Magick Dust!"
I must credit Santiago, for the Inspiration,
Bob Neale, for the whimsy he engenders,
Brother Shadow for love of the genre,
the NLT for the guts to offer it in print,
And I dedicate it to Brother Bruce!
I present for your consideration and use:

MAGICK DUST!
Walt Anthony
(On the Conjurers small dark-wood carved table sit, a petite and finely worked brass
bowl on a teakwood stand-- a twig-like wand-- and three very ornate blown glass bottles
with pewter filigree work. The petite bottles are not more than an inch-and-a-half tall, and
all the props have an arcane and antique look to them, as if stolen from other worlds.)
"Bunk!
That's what I say to Tinker-Bell and her ilk!"
"Or said...
For in these three small jars I've found,
perhaps-the rarest treasures on earth."
"This tiny jar holds precious Fairy Dust-Yes!
The kind wishes are composed of!
It is Crimson, for Fairy Wishes are always from the heart."
"And in this little jar, more Dust-Emerald!
For that is the trademark of the Leprechauns!
Dust gathered near the end of the rainbow
(close to the pot of gold?)"
"And this last small jar-Cerulean Dust!
Colored like the rivers and skies,
carries Elf Folk charms!"
"Once, a Witch, the tale goes,
contrived to blend the magicks of
Fairy, Elfin, and Leprechaun Dusts,
Into a potion of unfathomable powers-(This was not an evil Witch...
just not a very wise one.)"
"In silver-light of a full moon,
The Sorceress took a healthy pinch
of Magick from each precious bottle-and commingled all three charms

in her caldron--"
"With her wand (cut at Winter Solstice
from an Elderberry Tree)
She stirred and stirred the brew-clouding the pure waters she'd
captured from a bubbling spring."
"But, believe you (or not) in Magick Dusts!
The Wee-Folk have no affection for the greedy,
and their Powders are made fair and strong."
"This the Witch so learned-- for
the Crimson Fairy Dust,
the Emerald Leprechaun Dust, and
the Azure Elfin Dust,
all rebuffed the Spells,
and remained intact, inert, and separate!"
"So now,
I do not sneer at those
Magickal Powders of lore!
But, rather question the old tales-And all I do not know,
and all I hope to learn."
"For the proof is in the testing,
and the truth is in the telling!"
Notes On The Madness And The Method:
It occurred to me that, as many times as I've seen the "Sands of the Sahara"
performed, it was always on Stage-- So, I pondered, how powerful might the magic be
using tiny props- and performing right under the watcher's nose?
As this is a piece of magic currently on the market, I'll not give away the
workings to the two or three of you not familiar with this age-old miracle.
Along with the little props, the idea of the Little Folk appeared. And next various
forms of their Magick Dust (don't we all wish we had some of that from time to time?)
The Witch's bowl could be crystal and not brass, then using the traditional methods of
darkening and later clearing the water-- (Scientist White?)
I also wonder if a bit of iridescent glitter might be mixed with the prepared sands
without loosing their properties, to add to the wonder (?)

I finally chose the Green, Red, and Blue colors partly by tradition, and mostly because
those are the colors Santiago had on hand.
I now await the careful and prudent editing of Gene (nice-but-too-many-words) Poinc!
Magically,
Brother Walt
www.SpellbinderMagic.com

THE SECRET AND THE PROPHECY

Bruce Barnett
barnett@grymoire.com
The performer removes a package with some old papers, and an old fortune telling
deck.
"Several years ago I received this package. I never learned who sent it to me. It
contains a riddle of sorts, in the form of a poem:
I bequeath these card to you
I know their secret well
Time is yours, time is now
Their mystery to tell.
Take them freely, as you wish
Change their order be--With steady hand and steady heart
Gather randomly.
Listen closely as I speak
and tell you what must be done.
Deal the cards As you dare
by two or by one.
Leave them be?
Leave them wait?
Or perchance a switch!
Cards upon the cloth
do you recall
Which card is which?
Perhaps this Prophecy
Will come true
Its elements will tell
And you with gather wisdom
to understand it well."
The performer looks up. "A strange poem that describes an old method of shuffling
cards used for fortune telling. " The performer shows the cards, and deals them by one or
two - which are exchanged.

"Even stranger is the prophecy." The performer holds another piece of paper and
clears his throat.
"On your travels, you will enter the house of a clever man. He will provide the key to
this prophecy. It will be hard work to find the correct path. But one day you will finally
gain wisdom. Luck be with you."
The performer looks up. "There is also a series of numbers here." He shows the
prophecy and the number sequence 1414283327102231262 is seen.
"I haven't the faintest idea what this means. It bugs the heck out of me. I know this is
going to mean something one day." He sighs... "Perhaps you may be the clever man who
helps me find the answer. Would you help?" The performer invites a spectator up. "As I
deal the cards, tell me to switch or not." The cards are mixed, and the assistant helps
randomize the cards. Ten cards are dealt down.
"Do these cards make any sense to you? I see several images here - A man on a horse
traveling, a house, a clever fox, a man. Do these make any sense to you? And these
numbers - One Four One Four... I don't see any fours here.
Silence. Perhaps the assistant seems a pattern. If not, the performer suddenly gets
excited as he sees the pattern.
The cards, as they lay on the table, have the following images in order
#1 Man on a horse
#4 House
#14 Fox
#28 Man
#33 Key
#27 Message
#10 Scythe
#22 Path with fork
#31 The Sun
#26 Book
#2 4 leaf clover
The performer exclaims "They match. Everything matches! Don't you see? Read the
numbers on the prophecy - 1 4 1 4 2 8 3 3 2 7 1 0 2 2 3 1 2 6 and 2. That's the same as the
numbers on the cards. And the prophecy matches as well." The performer reads the
prophecy again, and points to each card in turn.
"On your travels (points to man on horse), you will enter the house (points to house)
of a clever man (man). He will provide the key (key) to this prophecy (message). It will
be hard work (scythe) to find the correct path (path with fork in road). But one day (sun)
you will finally gain wisdom (book). Luck be with you (4-leaf clover)."

"Thank you for helping me solve the secret. The only thing I have to worry about now
is deciding who will get a mysterious package in the future."
Details
This routine is based on Paul Curry's "A Swindle of Sorts." It was inspired by a
Eugene Burger performance. I decided to adapt it to fortune telling cards. I liked the
concept, but there was no motivation for the acts. It's just a prediction. I wanted to make
it a mystery with a sense of an event happening life. It's not quite the same as the huge
boulder chasing Indiana Jones, but it's better than a card trick.
I use a LeNormand deck for this effect. Each card has the following:

A number in the corner

A picture of some image like a house, a letter, a ship, etc.
A smaller picture of a playing card

Antique the deck if you can't get an old deck. Stack the cards in the order above at the
top of the deck, and make two old documents - one being the secret, and the other being
the prophecy. Wrap both around the cards.
The key is the shuffling method. You deal the cards from the deck, and allow the
spectator to say "switch" at any time. If they two, you exchange the position of the top
two cards. This is based on the Paul Curry concept. The shuffling is a swindle. It seems to
mix cards, but does not.
If you hold a deck of cards and deal them down one at a time, you reverse the order
of the cards. If you take the top two cards, place the top under the second, and then place
them both down, you seem to change the order, but do not. This is the swindle. However
- to convince them that the mixing does change the order, you demonstrate it by turning
and dealing the cards face up. That is, you turn over one card and place it face up. Then if
they call "switch" as you deal, you turn over the top two cards, and holding just the two
cards, place the top under the second. These two cards are placed on top of the pile.
Allow them to call out "switch" until they see how the order changes.
Demonstrate the deal/switch technique with the cards on the top (I use ones numbered
5, 6, 7 and 8). The stack is on the bottom. Mix the cards, and make sure the stack is on
top. Then have 10 cards "randomly" chosen from the top of the deck.
The one line about "not seeing any fours" can refer to the fact that none of the pictures
of playing cards contain a four.
You can change the prophecy cards around to match the situation. Use a woman
instead of a man. Or have (1) Woman, (2) House, (3) Man on Horse to indicate "A
woman enjoys your hospitality after traveling a great distance."

Notes
I think it is best if the person helps find the patterns in the prophecy and becomes the
"clever man". I don't know how best to do this. Perhaps have the assistant read the first
sentence: "On your travels, you will enter the house of a clever man. And then right
afterwards point to the cards and emphasize the key phrases "Here is someone
TRAVELING, a HOUSE, a CLEVER fox, and a MAN. Do you see any pattern?"

WAND-ERFULL
Blight
AKA Larry White
MagicLw@aol.com
A request was made on the Shadow Digest asking how to make a "staff" light up in a
mysterious way. I will offer a unique method for causing a short staff, such as a wand, to
glow in a manner that brings "oohs and aahs from an audience. This is tried and true
method (even down to those oohs and aahs) which I used many times in my Science
Magic shows.
You will require only a few items for this. The wand itself will be the hardest to obtain
but you can get it with a little searching.
You Will Need:
A regular size lightstick from a hardware or sporting goods store.
A Coping Saw, a hacksaw, or any small saw
Two cork stoppers (size to be determined)
Some black electricians tape
A paper cup
Tweezers
A semi rigid 12 - 15 inch length of hollow transparent plastic tubing.
The latter is the thing you will have to search to obtain. You need a length of tubing
that will remain straight (as a wand should) and yet be pliable enough so you can squeeze
the sides in a bit. It should be about the same diameter as the lightstick inside. Try
looking in the "fish/aquariums" section of a pet shop. Look especially for an "aquarium
vacuum" - they have neat tubes. Keep looking... you will find a perfect "wand. " I have,
many times.
Once you obtain the above "wand" plug one end of the tube with a cork and wrap tape
around it. The tape makes a black end on the wand and seals the end tightly.
Carefully... saw one end of the lightstick off. Do this while holding it in a UPRIGHT
position and saw off the top end. This prevents the liquid inside from spilling and you will
not break the small glass tube inside that contains the second liquid which will sink to the
bottom (the tube you break to activate the lightstick).
Pour the entire contents of the lightstick into the paper cup, including the glass tube.

With tweezers reach in the cup and remove the glass tube (Care! it is breakable, of
course). Drop the tube into your plastic wand, keeping the wand tipped slightly so the
glass tube slips gently down to the bottom.
Pour the liquid from the paper cup into the wand. This is easy to do if you Squeeze
the sides of the cup thus forming a spout. When you are done discard the cup.
Cork the top of the wand and wrap it with tape to seal it. Your wand is now ready for
use anytime.
To Use This Wand:
First, remember that lightsticks only glow in the dark. It doesn't have to be pitch black,
but the light must be lowered sufficiently for the glow to show.
All you have to do to activate your wand is crush the glass vial the same way you
would to active any lightstick.
So why is this different?
You only have a small amount of liquid in your wand. The wand is much larger than a
lightstick. So, instead of the entire length of the wand lighting, only the chemicals at the
base will. Not too impressive?
Now... tilt the wand down and you will LOVE what happens. The "liquid light" will
slowly "drool" down inside the wand. It is most magical to watch. The liquid is viscous,
like molasses, so it drools slowly and hypnotically. By tipping the wand up and down, and
rotating it as you do, you can cause the liquid light to form weird and wonderful flowingglowing patterns inside. No regular lightstick can do this so this "phenomena" will be
unique to anyone who has played with ordinary lightsticks.
What "liquid light" looks like is very difficult to explain in words, but once you take
the time and effort to make up this simple wand you will never use an ordinary lightstick
again in the usual way. You will ALWAYS cut it open and release the "liquid light" it
contains.
Now -- if you are nervous about handling chemicals read the label on the lightsticks.
It will tell you all of the chemicals it contains are harmless. As with any chemical
experiment (which is what this is) you should wash your hands afterwards... but, in this
case, not much will happen if you don't... according to the label. But, for my "science
teacher" training, please wash with soap and water.
White Magic Words:
(In my role as MUM's Magic Editor I often add my "afterthoughts" to tricks
submitted. Here are mine for this...)

Want to see the effect to see if you want to spend the time searching for the proper
"wand?" No problem.
Pour the glass tube and contents of a lightstick into one of two small CLEAR glasses.
Poke a pencil eraser into the glass and crush the glass vial. The liquid will start to glow.
Pick up both glasses and TURN OUT THE LIGHTS. In the dark, POUR the glowing
contents of the first glass into the second. You will be pouring "liquid light" and it will --I guarantee you -- AMAZE YOU.
That, I hope, will convince you to try making my wand.
If you need help or advice e-mail me.
P.S. Our NLT+++ was kind enough to send me an idea for this which, although it is
against my nature to admit, is certainly worthy to pass along -- Poinc writes, "You could
suggest they make a Zombie gimmick with a spring clamp rather than a cork on the end.
Floating, glowing wand could be lovely, even behind very thin silk foulard."

ENOG LANE
Heyward Boyette
hboyette@usa.net
Celtics "Druids" Unnatural powers. I never believed the stories of Druids shape
shifting into trees, passing solids through solids, and other similar eerie tales. There are
mysteries about Chester, England (near Northern Wales) going back to when it was part
of the Celtic Empire. It was established around the year 200. It was said that Druids with
supernatural powers still existed in a Chester underworld. We lived there for a few years.
I didn't believe any of this until".
Hoole, a town near Chester, is a series of narrow streets lined with curio shops. One
Sunday my wife suggested Chinese food for dinner. Off I went with my children to a
Chinese take-out near Hoole and placed our order. We left the shop to return in 20
minutes. It was winter, the air was chilly, and it was almost dark. Suddenly my son yelled
"Daddy, where does this lane go?" For the first time I noticed a lane that was little more
than a footpath along one side of the take-out. I saw a faded street sign that read Nog
Lane. We walked down the lane and found a small, dimly lit shop at the end. The
shopkeeper, an elderly, heavily bearded man picked up item after item, showing them in
hopes of a sale. I noticed what I assumed to be his name tattooed on his arm, the name,
entwined in unusual snakelike creatures, and vines containing red berries, was "Raven" as
best as I could make out in the dim light above the counter. I did not want any of the
"junk" and started to leave. "Wait," he said, "maybe this will interest you." (Take box out
of bag) The old man set a small cardboard box on the counter. He opened the shopworn
box, (open box and remove-Double Block Release-it should be set normally) and removed
a wooden box with strange symbols on it. He handed it to me to examine. It looked like
an oddly shaped pagoda with several holes along the front and a hole in either end with
what seemed to be a black wooden hatpin sticking through the length of the object. He
opened the hinged back of the "pagoda" and I could see several brightly colored blocks
inside, with the "hatpin" running through them. I could also see the colored blocks
through the holes on the front side of the object. (Do all of the above) My children had
become interested and were crowded on either side of me looking too. He then held the
"hatpin" by both ends pulling the "pagoda" from my hand. The object rotated, and the
hinged door swung open displaying the colored blocks, held in place by the "pin". (Do
this, to match your dialog, then dump out the blocks and put them back w/red-blue set
up).
I asked him what the thing was, and what did it do? The man whispered an answer,
which I couldn't quite understand. "What does it cost, I asked"? " It is most expensive,
yet it costs nothing" he responded, speaking in riddles. I again asked what it did. He
answered by asking me to look at my son, and at my daughter, then close my eyes and
imagine the space around each of them as a color. I was beginning to feel spooky, but did

as he asked. My imagination must have taken over because my son seemed to be bathed
in a bluish light, and my daughter in a reddish light. When I opened my eyes and looked
back at the man the blue and red blocks separated from the rest of the colored blocks
(pick up with "hatpin" and let red/blue blocks fall) and fell to the counter. I was scared
and wanted to leave, but I also had an overwhelming desire to have the strange little
"pagoda". I told the old man that I would take it. (Put blocks back standard way and put
in box and bag.) He replaced the blocks into the "thing", put it back into the cardboard
box, and placed it in a bag, which he handed to me. I grabbed my children and left with
my new "treasure" as quickly as I could. When we reached the main street again we
entered the take-out restaurant to get our order. Back in the brightly-lit shop I felt silly
for being spooked by the old man in the curio shop.
I forgot about "it" until one day my daughter brought it from the car and I started
playing with the thing. I examined every part of it in detail. (Examine & fiddle with
pagoda-leave with blue/red blocks set). I could find no explanation for what I had seen.
Everything was solid, and there was no natural way to recreate what I had seen. One
night I was dozing in my easy chair when I dreamed the events of that night, reliving every
moment. Nog Lane, Raven, the possible supernatural events of that unforgettable
evening. I picked up the "pagoda", held it by the ends of the stickpin and picked it up.
(Pick up & let blue/red blocks fall) My heart jumped into my throat ... the red, and blue
blocks tumbled to the floor. I could visualize Raven; the old man smiling at me as the
solid blocks passed through the solid hatpin. It wasn't a happy smile, but a triumphant
smile.
The next day I realized that I had walked out without paying. I wanted to return to
Raven's shop, pay him, learn what had really happened, and WHO, he was. We went past
the Chinese take-out to enter Nog lane, but the building butted up to the next building.
The lane was GONE. I was confused, had butterflies in my stomach, and was an
emotional wreck. This was impossible, everything seemed wrong, or backwards. I said,
"The street sign was right here, Nog lane was here." "Daddy," my son said, "the street
sign was very faded, but I'm sure it wasn't Nog lane, it was East Nog lane, the sign read
E.Nog Lane." However, E.Nog lane was gone ... and the old man Raven ... who was he,
or WHAT was he? My son corrected me again, "Daddy, I looked at his tattoo real close,
it said Reven, not Raven." There were no answers. I lost sleep thinking about all this,
when the fog in my mind started to clear. The tattoo on Reven's arm was the Celtic
Serpent's stone, a Druid symbol (present the spectator(s) a picture of the Serpent's Stone
as you explain it) which was supposed to evoke wisdom, fidelity and power, the snakes
were the four serpents on the stone, and the red berries were holly, which the Celts
revered, along with the oak tree. Reven is an Old English word, which means "to pillage
or plunder"; another archaic meaning is "to break apart". Nog is an Old English word for
an ale, which originated in Norfolk, England. Many confusing meanings. I realized that
the meanings had significance, which I still don't understand, but it is clear that I had to
look BACKWARDS at everything!
Enog backwards is GONE, and Reven backwards is NEVER. So, Reven was NEVER
and Enog lane was GONE. I still have cold chills about that experience, but it has opened
my eyes to things that I didn't believe but can no longer ignore. This "box" while

unexplainable still possesses the power of the Druids. If one does exactly as Reven
instructed, the mysteries of the "box" can be demonstrated. (Dump blocks on table). "Sir,
(participate) close your eyes, think of two loved ones, and envision the color of their aura.
(Set up blocks according to his answers). Now, hold the ends of the stickpin passing
through this "pagoda". The colored blocks of the colors he named clatter to the table or
floor.
Have I become Reven? No, NEVER!
COMMENTS ON ENOG LANE
Heyward Boyette
I enjoy storytelling effects very much and also have an interest in the Celtic empire as
related in various types of literature. Many years ago, I acquired a Double Block Release
at a convention in Blackpool, England, but never really used it until I created the following
story to "explain" it and which has been quite effective for me in the proper venues. I
don't know who made the one I bought, but since it is still a marketed effect by House of
Babcock (and perhaps others) I won't reveal the working of the Double Release although
most magicians will be familiar with the prop. I have made a second one using "aged
wood" (purchased at a craft shop) and adorned with drawings of the Druid's Serpent's
Stone. Actually, I haven't found the homemade one any more effective because I give the
spectator a small color picture of the Serpent's Stone at the indicated point noted in the
description of the effect (which just happens to have a copy of my business card printed on
the back)! Note that some of the descriptive verbiage in the effect when describing the
"thing" can be omitted since you are actually showing the item to the audience at the time

MSAGRO
Brother Shadow
Broshad@aol.com
Back in the time when Gods and Goddesses were aplenty, Aphrodite, the Goddess of
Love, worried about young maidens. She knew they were going through a troubling age
when questions filled their heads about life and what was truly important.
She decided to create a talisman to help answer their questions.
To ensure the talisman would be strong enough to help, she stained it with human
blood. This of course was the most powerful element one could use on a talisman.
Aphrodite had a young hand maiden who sacrificed her virginity on the Altar of Love,
and it was the blood of this sacrifice she used on the talisman.
This is that ancient Talisman. (from a velvet drawstring bag remove a highly polished
stone with a faint stain of blood on both sides. Place it on the outstretched hand of the
young lady and close her hand over it.)
"I call upon The Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, to help this young maid, to give her the
answer she seeks."
Waving your hands over the girl's closed hand, you begin to feel the presence of the
Goddess, getting stronger and stronger, then after a moment or two, say it is now getting
weaker.....she is gone! But I feel she has left the message you desire.
Have her open her hand.....there is something on the stone. Excitedly ask her to read
what The Goddess has said. She tries but cannot make it out. There appears to be letters
surrounded with vines and leafs but the letters make no sense. While she is still holding it
you explain that at times, in order to be sure Aphrodite's message would not be read by
unbelievers she resorted to trickery. Place the Reflecting Glass of Venus against the stone
and see if the glass will reveal the message. It now all becomes clear to the maiden,
Aphrodite's message is ORGASM.
Method:
One side of the stone has the faint blood stain, the other written in script is MSAGRO,
mirror writing for ORGASM. Use the old business card turnover move to show both sides
with the blood stain. When you place the stone on the maiden's hand, place it on the
fingers and close her hand. When she closes it, it automatically turns the stone over. The
rest is just play acting.

The reflecting Glass of Venus is a piece of cardboard about the size of a pocket
mirror. Pasted to the cardboard is a piece of reflecting mylar, with appropriate symbols
around it. I use this instead of a mirror because mirrors as we know them today were not
around in Aphrodite's day. There may be some small ripples in the mylar which sort of
adds to the effect.
Some of you may have seen me doing this at various conventions, in the hallways or at
the bar. It has never failed to go over.

THE SCARAB OF IMHOTEP

Robin W. Dawes
dawes@qucis.queensu.ca
Life -- life everlasting ... the dream of every man and every woman from the moment
we recognize our own mortality. To outlast the mountains, to watch the years come and
go like days -can this be achieved? It's said that one man found the secret. His name was
Imhotep -he was a priest of the Sun God in the 2nd Dynasty of ancient Egypt - long
before the Sphynx began its long slow dreaming, long before the Great Pyramids were
aimed at the Heavens. Imhotep concocted an elixir that would prolong life indefinitely,
and he concentrated the essence of the potion in a carved gem that he wore. The gem was
in the shape of a scarab beetle -revered by the ancients as a symbol of eternity.
The fate of Imhotep is unknown. 200 years after he created his scarab, Egypt was
wracked by civil war and invasions. Perhaps Imhotep died violently during those terrible
times. However he met his end, his scarab was lost to the world. Oh, it was searched for.
Herodotus travelled the known world, secretly seeking this treasure. Alexander thought it
was in India, but couldn't convince his armies to follow him there. Marco Polo sought it
in China, but came home with nothing but mundane gold and silver. Some say that the
alchemists' quest for the Philosopher's Stone was actually an attempt to recreate Imhotep's
scarab.
In more modern times, Napoleon -and after him, Hitler -sent their legions into Africa
to seek out the scarab, but by then it was too late. For the scarab had been found. Won
as surety for a two-penny bet in a gambling game, by an Italian adventurer named Mario
Montoni, in the year 1685. Mario was an intelligent and knowledgeable fellow, unlike the
poor soldier he won the scarab from. Mario knew exactly what he had. He tied the
scarab on two golden cords, for safety, and wore it around his neck. And on that day -he simply ceased to age.
I met him in London in 1984. At that time he was about 345 years old, and didn't look
a day over 40. Here's his picture - I took it one day when we were out for a walk. He
didn't normally like being photographed - I think he recognized the danger of being
recognized, years later, as unchanged as Dorian Gray. But for some reason he wanted to
be photographed standing on a bridge. I asked, but he never explained it to me.
We first met in the British Museum. I was concluding my doctoral research on
Elizabethan mathematics, and he was painting a portrait of Ann Bolyn -after several days,
we fell to talking, and eventually become close friends. I became his agent in the world,
relieving him of the discomfort of moving in society, which he had come to loathe. He
didn't trust me with his secret right away, but one night, over a bottle of Chianti, he
showed me the scarab and told me the story of Imhotep. Of course I didn't believe it -who

would? But as the years passed, I discovered that Mario knew things about the past that
nobody could know unless they had been there. He was either the world's greatest liar, or
his story of the scarab was true.
And so it came to obsess me. I dreamed of it, day and night. I never spoke of it to
Mario, of course. He would have banished me, or worse. But the scarab's hold over me
grew and grew until I could find no peace except by possessing it.
I planned the theft carefully. I meant him no harm, I swear it. Mario was in the habit
of retiring in the afternoon for a siesta. One day I added a drug to his wine that deepened
his sleep, no more than that.
I crept into his room, and reached under his shirt to take the scarab. I knew it was tied
around his neck -- but I had a secret of my own. One of my grandmothers was a gypsy,
and she taught me a thing or two about ropes. I grasped the scarab, gave it a little twitch
in time -and it came free in my hand! The knots in the golden cords were intact, the cords
still around his neck -- but the scarab was mine at last! And then -- and then -- I learned
the rest of the secret of the scarab. Mario never told me -perhaps he didn't know. But
when the scarab was in my hand, his eyes opened. He stared at me, he reached out his
hand -- and crumbled into dust. The agony and terror on his face never leave me - I see
him now.
The full secret of the scarab -- Once you wear it, you must *never* take it off. To do
so is not simply to die -- but to be destroyed.
And so I sit before you, an intentional thief, and an accidental murderer. I carry the
key to life eternal, but the seasons of my life count down and down, and I do not care, and
I do not dare, to wear the scarab. Would you?
Methodology:
This is, of course, nothing more than a very long-winded dressing for two ancient
artifices of the conjuror: the Grandmother's Necklace stratagem, and the venerable card
box.
I made a scarab out of blue Fimo clay. It's about the size of the last joint of my thumb.
You just need to make sure there is a hole running through the middle large enough to
accommodate the doubled over cords. Your local sewing goods shop can supply you with
very nice gold string (I have a feeling they call it piping cord).
Tie a thin thread around the centers of the cords, switch ends so that each cord has
both ends together, and thread the scarab onto the cords. Wrap it up in a dark silk hanky,
with the ends of the cords hanging out on opposite sides.
The photograph of Mario, who can be anyone who looks more or less Italian, is in one
side of the card box. It's probably best if the card box is not plastic, but it doesn't have to
be jewel-studded or particularly ancient looking - It's just where you carry the man's

picture. The other side of the card box is loaded with corn-starch or baking soda or
talcum powder (or anything else you're willing to blow away).
Timing of actions: Place the card box on the table, with the wrapped scarab on top of
it. When you first say the word scarab', unfold the hanky so that the scarab is visible.
When you describe Mario's placing of the scarab on the cords, pick up one end from each
side and tie them together in a single overhand knot (thus swapping ends). Bring the four
ends together and tie them in a single quick knot (simply lay the four ends beside each
other, form a loop and push all four ends through it). Hand this to a spectator so that they
are holding the knot, with the scarab hanging below.
Open the card box and take out the photograph. Obviously it doesn't have to be taken
on a bridge, but you should say something about it. It should seem to evoke some
memories for you. Put it back in the box, which you place down on top of the hanky.
When it is time for the theft, you need the hanky to cover the scarab. You have to lift
the box to get the hanky, and it is at the moment of putting the box down again that you
turn it over.
Execute the theft under the hanky. Emote some joy at your success, then some horror
as you recount Mario's fate. At the word "dust", open the card box and reveal that the
picture has transformed into a pile of powder. Pick up a pinch between thumb and finger,
and as you patter forwards seem to be trying to brush it off. Finally, just before you say
"destroyed", blow the dust into the air.
Finis
Notes:
An earlier version of this was printed in my (now defunct) newsletter several years
ago. That means it has already been read and forgotten by about a dozen people.
The quoted history of ancient Egypt is more or less correct. Imhotep is a valid name
from the period.

PAY ME NOT; BUT ONE DAY, PAY YOU SHALL

Ron Dayton
AKA Kotah
Jensoo@execpc.com
On your table, a purple draw string closure pouch; with something as yet unknown
inside as you approach. Looking at the pouch you say, "Well, what have we here? A
bag, a pouch, a sack? Perhaps a mystery of sorts. Has this bag a history? We know not!
It's contents also unknown; but even though unseen, our senses tell us they are there.
What an almost spiritual epiphany; that even the unseen, the not fully understood, can
and does exist. I know what's in here, shall I tell; or better yet let you see?"
Slowly reaching into the pouch, a Tarot Deck is removed. Your free hand pats and
smoothes the bag out flat. The cards are evidently old It seems as well that they have
survived a fire of some sort. Looking at your audience you say, "Oh, only cards you
moan; only cards to you perhaps, but to me, a haunting memory!
It was summer of 1959, Waukegan, Illinois. A warm wind blew through and carried a
small caravan of Carny trucks and vans to a field just outside of town. Josh and Marcella
and I, fifth wheel and ever faithful friend; needed something just like this to give our
boredom a quick and painless death. By nightfall the lights and smells and sounds, like a
Pied Piper drew us to the grounds."
Three life long friends, out to enjoy the night. We rode every ride and attempted each
game of chance. As the moon had reached its height, we were sure we had seen each and
every sight. Then the sound of flapping canvas and a voice just to our right said," Madam,
has answers for you this very night". The banner read, Madam Zoltar, palmist, mystic
seer; make your future known. Marcella was clearly thrilled to learn what the gypsy
knew.
Her assistant held back the flap as we entered the small sparsely appointed tent. Seated
at a table, chairs on either side upon an elevated platform up front a, figure in shadows
beckoned in an aged Slavic voice. " Yes, yes my dears, come closer and join me at the
table, if you are so inclined, and able. I feel it in my bones that one of three seeks to learn
the truth. One is skeptical and the third, he believes not. I sense as well questions of the
heart. " That being said Marcella was half way to her seat. From within a fine cloth
pouch, skinny fingers slipped a damaged Tarot Deck. Madam muttered something about
Hell's Gate, 1931, information all but inconsequential to the three of us. With a non too
deft overhand shuffle, the cards were mixed, then squared and tabled. Turning the top

card over, the Lover's card revealed, The next card turned and placed was the Fool, the
third card was the Devil.
"The cards, they never lie, the old woman was quick to state. I see several hearts in
turmoil. Two are true, but one is distant and uncaring. Josh leaned and whispered to
Marcella, "The only thing this old hag knows, judging from her breath, is where the
bourbon's kept." I heard him, and was certain Madam had as well. I saw controlled anger
in her eyes. " The reading it is done! No more. You just pay me now , and then you go."
Josh responded," What a load of crap! This is a total rip off, and I ain't paying any
thing.
We stood, she stood. She started to replace the deck inside the pouch, then changed
her mind. She then responded more softly than expected. " So young to be so angry.
Was I wrong? A moment of your time, to create a small memento, a reminder of Zoltar's
powers. Taking up one last card it was folded and transformed to resemble a frog or
perhaps a toad. Picking up the origami form, she dropped it in the pouch.
Zoltar looked directly into Josh's eyes, and handed him the pouch. "In your keeping I
place this. But you must not open it or touch what I placed within. My powers cannot be
thwarted, with the toad a curse; you will be warted, or much worse
Outside the tent, the last thing Josh said was, "Ya, right, a curse; what a crazy gypsy
bitch!"
What happened to Josh and Marcella? I don't know, over the years we sort of drifted
and lost touch. But several years ago I headed east. Friends who knew my interests
suggested I check out the resurrected Coney Island site. A shell of its former glory, but
Nathan's was still there! A hand full of Ten -In- One side shows with freak acts as well.
That is where I saw him, billed as the Human Amphibian, marvel of the millennium.
Bulging eyes webbed hands and feet, skin a mottled brown; he sat crouched in one corner
of a large aquarium.
His name was Alex now, but as our eyes met, the recognition was there. ( Hand the
pouch to a spectator and say, "Do you dare to reach inside? Better yet, just feel gently
through the material, and see if I have lied." (When they do they discover to their surprise
a live frog which may be shown as the finale'
METHOD: The pouch is ungimmicked The middle section of all but the LOVER,
FOOL and DEVIL tarot cards are cut out Save a half a dozen extra X cards as well .Glue
the frames created together to form a box, Glue two cards on to close the top opening.
Glue another card to the bottom at one end of the box to create a trap door like flap.
Place a small frog or young toad inside. A toad is recommended since it seems more
sinister!

Handling should be obvious. Toad may be dumped upon your table at the end if you
wish.
The origami tarot frog fold belongs to Robert E. Neale. Directions may be found in
his book " Tricks Of The Imagination, as well as his " Folding Money
Fooling"! Folded frog is 'pretended to be placed into the pouch, but palmed back out.
For strongest impact, it is best to shake the toad out of the sack on to the table at the end.
Controlling him once out will be your greatest challenge!

"... AND THAT FEELS JUST RIGHT!"

Jack Disbrow,
"The Friendly Magician"
jrmagic@warwick.net
(Background) I developed this short presentation to close my platform and stage
programs. It has a specific purpose. My style is very personal. Magic happens,
sometimes to my surprise, but my emphasis is on the story line and my own personality.
My audience and I interact and enjoy the magical happenings together.
Consequently, I do not want to end my program with an emphasis on the magic. I
prefer to focus on, and reinforce, the relationship I have established with my audience.
The ending should be believable, personal and meaningful.
This presentation is the result. I have used it for nearly a decade. Later, I will tell you
some of the results, and why this is a permanent part of my program.
(Apparatus Needed) A "Circle to Square" trick. For those unfamiliar with it, this is a
hoop of metal, usually chrome plated, ten to twelve inches in diameter. It changes from a
circle to a square in the blink of an eye. I use an older model of spring steel. A current
version is available, made in India. While not top quality, it works fairly well. You should
be able to obtain the needed apparatus for under $20.
(The Presentation. NOTE that you will have to change the personal references to
match your own life experiences. Those given here are mine. Yours, hopefully, will be
different.)
(The performer picks up a chrome hoop, studies it for a moment, then looks at the
audience: ) "Before I leave, I would like to share a brief story with you.
"Many years ago, an English philosopher suggested that life resembles a large table full
of holes. Some are large, some are small. Each has a different shape. Some are square,
some round. Some are star shaped, while others are rectangular, triangular, octaginal
as many shapes as you can imagine. The philosopher said that, in his view, the table of life
is full of people of different shapes running all over the place trying to find a hole into
which they fit comfortably. (Performer looks at the hoop again, and smiles.) Some
discover it. Many do not. And others spend their entire life trying to jam themselves into
a hole that just does not fit. (Performer looks again at the hoop, then turns his attention to
the audience.)

"Well, like many of you, I am sure, I have been many things in my life. I have been a
radio announcer, a radar technician, an advertising executive, a salesman . but somehow
none of those roles felt really comfortable. (Performer looks at the chrome hoop, turning it
in his hands, as if examining it. Then he smiles as if in memory.)
"Then, I decided to become a magician, (Performer pauses for a beat and focuses his
attention on the hoop.) and that (hoop suddenly changes into a square) felt exactly right.
Because, you see, it gave me the opportunity to bring a few minutes of pleasure into the
lives of others, and to meet fine people like you. For that opportunity, I thank you very,
very much - and wish each of you all a sincere good night."
(Closing thoughts: ) More than once I have been surprised at the reaction to this
effect. In a shorter form, it even plays well at children's birthday parties. The version
given above is for family and adult audiences. Several young adults have told me that the
message caused them to reexamine their own lives and direction. That, alone, makes the
effort worthwhile. Equally important from a performance standpoint is the bond with my
audience that is reinforced at the end of my program. Their warm reaction after the show
bears out the value of this approach.
If this fits your performance style, adjust the words to fit your own situation. I am
sure you will find it worthwhile.

THE DREAMS OF THE ALCHEMISTS

Payne Fifield
maskedmagi@aol.com
An alternative handling for the Hopping Half
Start out by having the outermost shells on the wrong coins i.e the copper shell on the
silver coin and the silver shell on the copper coin. Put this mismatched set in a coin purse
and have an odd looking stone (I use a piece of iron pyrite) in your right pocket.
Remove the coins from the purse and casually handle them as you deliver the
following lines.
"In days of yore the ancients believed that all matter was comprised of the four basic
elements of earth, air, fire and water. Everything in the known world, be it animal
vegetable or mineral, was what it was because it was comprised of a varying mixture of
these primal elements..
For instance copper was copper because they believed it contained more fire than
water air or earth and silver was silver because it possessed more water."
Show the copper coin with the silver shell in your left hand and the silver shell with the
copper coin in the right. Place both coins on the fingers of the left hand. The silver coin
with the copper shell going on the bottom. Display both coins on the finger casually
implying that there are only two coins in your hands. Bring the coins into a very loose
finger palm position and using the right hand lift the top coin and bottom shell out of your
left hand as your left hand peels away leaving the silver coin finger palmed in the left hand.
Show the copper shell with the fingers left hand, keeping the silver coin hidden in a finger
palm, and the copper coin with the silver shell in fingers of the right hand.
"This belief became known as alchemy. One of its major tenants being that if you
could defy the natural order and somehow alter the balance of the four elements you could
change, or transmute, one form of matter into another. "
Place the copper shell halfway behind the copper coin with the silver shell in your right
hand. Keeping your thumb on the copper shell apparently place both coins into your left
hand but actually place the copper coin with the silver shell directly on top of the finger
palmed silver coin and drag the copper shell into a finger palm in the right hand. Reach
into your right pocket for the stone and leave the copper shell there.
"This, the Alchemists, believed possible if they could harness the power of the fabled
"Philosophers stone". A miraculous and elusive element that they believed was key to the
manipulation of the elements."

Rub the stone on the back of your left hand then open it to reveal the two silver coins.
Place the stone on the table and show the two silver coin one in each hand. Again display
the coins on the fingers of the left hand, the silver coin on top of the copper coin with the
silver shell. Move them into finger palm position and lift the silver coin and silver shell up
with the right hand leaving the copper coin finger palmed in the left hand.
Display the two coins at the finger tips of each hand and then place the silver shell
halfway on top of the silver coin in the right hand. Place these two coins into the left hand
directly on top of the copper coin sliping the silver shell onto the silver coin as you do so.
"At first their early experiments looked promising, but alas the Alchemists lacked the
sufficient knowledge and their philosophers stone the necessary energy to maintain the
transformation for long.
Eventually nature won out and the newly created substance reverted back to its
original state."
Show the Copper and silver coin in the left hand. Flip the copper coin over so it is
shell side up copper\silver coin side down and slide it on top of the silver coin with the
silver shell in a loose finger palm position. Lift the copper coin and the silver shell with
the right hand leaving the silver coin finger palmed in the right hand.. Display the copper
and silver coin, one in the fingertips of each hand then slide the copper coin under the
silver shell as you put both coins into your "empty" left hand.
"So the alchemists set out to the Four Corners of the world in search of dark,
forbidden texts containing the ancient knowledge necessary to power their philosophers
stones sufficiently to maintain the transformation."
Pick up the stone and rub the back of your hand. Show the two silver coins in your
left hand.
"Emboldened by this new knowledge and power the alchemists set forth to further
control nature by creating matter where no matter had existed before."
Again rub your left hand with the stone and then cup the two silver coins in your left
hand. With the right hand first take out the solid silver coin and place it on the table.
Next take the silver shell and copper shell out as one coin and lay these two nested shells
as one coin halfway on top of the silver coin on the table. Lastly take the silver copper
coin remaining in your hand, silver side up and set this on top of the other two coins on
the table.
"But nature is a harsh mistress and likes not to be trifled with. She saw to it that the
Alchemists forbidden knowledge was once again lost, cast to the four winds. Without the
arcane knowledge at their beck and call their philosophers stones soon lost their ill gotten
powers and the matter they had created returned to the thin air from whence it had come."
Place the three coins from the table back into your left hand. First the copper silver,
silver side up. The two nested shells and then the solid silver coin. Show the two silver

coins on the fingers of the left hand, the third coin having mysteriously vanished. Slide the
two coins into a loose finger palm and lift the silver coin and the silver shell out leaving the
copper shell nesting over the silver copper coin as one coin in a finger palm. Display the
two silver coins at the finger tips and then slide the silver shell over the silver coin as you
place them into your left hand.
"And that which had been concocted from another material soon reverted to it's
original form"
Open your left hand to reveal one silver and one copper coin. Place the silver coin on
top of the copper coin in a loose finger palm position and lift the silver coin and copper
shell leaving the silver copper coin in a finger palm. Display the silver and copper coin at
he fingertips and the apparently place the two coins into your left hand but actually only
put the shell there and retain the silver coin with its shell in your right hand. Open your
left hand and display the silver and copper coins on the fingers.
"Their power ebbed the philosophers stones themselves soon faded from existence."
Pick up the philosophers stone with the right hand and place it back into your pocket
leaving the silver coin and shell there as well. Close your left hand putting the copper shell
over the copper silver coin as you do so. With the right hand reach into your left and pull
out the "copper" coin casually showing it on both sides as you do so.
"The alchemists in their arrogance had tried to best nature and lost Mother Nature
allowed them to keep the copper coins in remembrance of their folly, a reminder that pride
doth come before the fall."
Put the copper coin into your pocket.
But the silver, the silver she took for herself. She cast it into the heavens above which
is why the stars now sparkle and shimmer. A nightly reminder of the folly of men and her
ultimate power over us all.

RIPPER
Jim Fish
docbox@earthlink.net
The Eugene Anderson Newspaper Restoration is a beautiful effect that lacks only
premise, patter, plot, point, purpose, and probably Poinc. [I allow the reader to judge
whether the latter is a lack.]
This makes it perfect for main-stream mages, but not at all a Bizzzzzarist sort of thing.
Even a London Star from September 1888 with a headline about the latest killing by
Jack the Ripper wouldn't help.
Or would it?
[I direct the reader's gaze to: http://www.accomodata.co.uk/jack.htm
http://www.accomodata.co.uk/jack.htm]
I pick up the old newspaper and begin to read the lead story aloud, but my words are
interrupted by an Uncanny Voice speaking through me, enjoining me to taste the
forbidden pleasures of nocturnal blood-letting.
As these uncanny interruptions become more pronounced and compelling, I awaken to
the fact that *something* is happening, and it dawns on me that the newspaper itself is
possessed and trying to take control.
I resist the spell and begin to fight with the newspaper, eventually tearing it to shreds
and (seemingly) I overcome its uncanny compulsion. While this happens, bloody red stains
appear, as the paper is tore apart.
In triumph I toss the balled-up pieces aside, but with a loud *BANG!!* find myself
instead holding the intact newspaper.
With a glazed look in my eyes, I let the restored newspaper drop, revealing a large
bloody dagger clenched in my fist, and I slowly walk offstage, with a maniacal grin of glee
and anticipation.
Ye Mages can easily do all the homework, construction and the-a-ture without my
help.
Have fun. - jim

THE RING SEANCE

Sam Haine / Ronn Brashear
ronnb@tellme.com
--- Again Sam Haine refused a snifter of the ruby brandy. Lately, his travels found him
frequently a jester in the courts of the rich. The evening had worn the party to the final
resolute few. At these charity events there are always a number who stay in hope of
witnessing a true miracle.
Sam believed these wealthy few had too much - too much sensation, too much
protection, too much noise in their lives. Out of touch with the mysterious reality of life,
they were drawn by hope to the possibility of real magic like moths to a flame, all too
eager to burn. Obligingly Sam Haine removed a photo from his frock coat and handed it
to Doctor Laertes beginning,
"Please look twice. It may not seem so at first, but this is the face of evil."
As the others surrounded the timid Doctor to glimpse the photo, Sam Haine asked,
"Some say the good we do perishes with us, but the evil lives on. Hear the tale of a man
most evil - a murderous fiend now in hell. His name was Deren Legaul, the Rhyming
Ripper. Throughout 1951, he terrorized many small New England towns, preying on
young red headed women."
Sam Haine's eyes meaningfully regarded Susan Lavey's fiery locks which she fingered
nervously. "At midnight, he called his victim's home repeatedly. If only his red-haired
victim-to-be answered, on the last call he chanted a child's nursery rhyme. He slipped
silently into the girl's home knowing she was alone. Whispering his ancient rhymes all the
while, he put his victim to sleep."
Sam Haine paused then said, "Of course, it sounds like fiction - a ghost story to scare
children. And it might well be, unless... are you willing to try an experiment?" Susan
nodded eagerly to the apparent dismay of Doctor Laertes. "Very well. Open up your
senses.
We do not know what form the contact will take. It may be a tingling on the skin, a
strange smell, a whisper. Focus on the photo. Imagine his voice, in the dark, whispering
these words to you:
'Inx, minx, the old witch winks,
The fat begins to fry.
No ones at home,
but Jumping Joan and I.

Stick, stock, stone cold,

Even blind men can see,
Every knave must have a slave,
You or I must be he.'
Silently the mage looks in the eye of each member of the circle. The silence is suddenly
broken when the phone rings. Doctor Laertes yelped like a frightened chimp.
"No one move! It might be him!" But the phone did not ring again.
"A sign! An odd sign, but a sign nonetheless. Do you have caller ID? You do? Then
you now have the number to hell!"
The guests rushed into the study where the phone sat on the great mahogany desk.
Susan Lavey says, "The caller id says the number is unavailable!" Sam Haine suggested,
"We are not beaten yet - star-six-nine will connect us to the beast! You sir - give hell
a ring back." Poor Dr. Laertes, already a nervous wreck, gingerly lifted the receiver from
its cradle. Barely holding it to his ear, a look of further horror spilled over the pale face of
the
Doctor. The Doctor snatched the phone from the desk revealing the amazing truth "It's disconnected from the wall. It's completely dead!"
Sam Haine nodded with a grim grin, "I suggest no one answer this phone for the rest
of the night."
Arcanum:
The idea of a phone ringing as a spirit contact is initially described by Hereward
Carrington in "The Physical Phenomena of Spiritualism, Fraudulent and Genuine" and
later revived by Docc Hilford in his routine "Yours Truly Jack the Ripper."
As a performance, it should play like a campfire ghost story.
To perform this routine, your performing venue must have a phone with caller ID.
You will need a hummingbird reel or similar, and a cell phone.
First find the phone and dial *65 followed by the number into your cell phone. The
*67 turns off caller ID. Hang up before the phone starts ringing. Next, find the wall jack
connecting the phone. This works best with a jack near the floor as compared to one on a
counter. Wrap the kevlar thread of a hummingbird reel around the plug and the nubbin
that holds it in place. Test the tension so that a tug on the thread will clamp down the
nubbin and pull the plug from the wall. Carefully run the thread to the next room and
leave the reel under the chair where you will sit.

When performing time comes, have your cell phone in your breast pocket. Know
where your dial and end buttons are. Be seated in near the reel or have it in your pocket.
At the appropriate moment, press the dial button. After one ring, press the end button.
Freeze during the silence. When you speak the lines about reading the caller ID, pull the
cord. Don't use the reel motor because you want the full tension to pull the plug out of the
wall. Once it is pulled free, reel in the thread. Since the thread is only wrapped around the
phone jack, it will come free easily.
The rest plays as described. Happy haunting!

HOMECOMING
James
zid@ms2.hinet.net
Here is a synopsis of a routine . I will briefly describe it
I tell a story of myself and a lifelong friend that I have known since childhood
in Hong Kong. We go to school together, we played together and even go to
college in America together. I chose computer science as a major, he choses
anthropology. We graduate and go our separate ways, returning to Hong Kong often for
holidays And joyful reunions. As time passes we both have good success in our fields, He
is offered a chance to study a recently discovered group of people in the Andes
Mountains. This will insure his PHD thesis and a Professors title with tenure will soon
follow. I stay in H.K. working for the computer gaming industry.
My friend and I have had a little joke we always say to each other based on an old
Chinese saying, after speaking of our lives and what has currently happened we always say
to each other "Yes, Yes, my friend, but when will you come home?
Then we laugh and laugh. Life is good!
My friend has reached the Andes and has been accepted by the people. He sends me
Strange artifacts from the region and the tribe, telling me often of their customs.
(I go through a bag and bring out different items, woven alpaca bags, arrow heads.
engraved bones, cast bells with strange symbols.) And I always return to the tagline..
Yes, Yes, my friend, but when will you return home?
I then change my mood to a darker tone. My friend tells me things are changing in the
village. Something is going on. He finds different tribesmen searching his belongings and
things turn up missing. His address book is one of those things missing. The tribe seems
quite interested in his life away from the Andes.
[I then state that all communication has been lost with my friend, I bring out the last
package sent to me from the region. An old piece of parchment with strange symbols and
hand drawn pictures. It appears to be a map of some kind. I cant tell if this was sent by
my friend or not, but I fear it is not his hand that posted this item] I ask everyone to feel
the parchment, it is a strange paper old and soft. I fold the paper up and put it away in its
envelope. I then think of something and remove it again. I state that I think the paper feels
familiar and say, I realize now that my friend had finally come home. I turn over the
paper and it is seen to be a mans face with eyes nose and even small bits of hair.
Working:

Its mainly story of course. I believe you need a tag line that was presented earlier in
the story to tie it all up in the end.
The face paper is made by taking a piece of paper and placing it on a face form of a
zombie mask. I have a Living faces zombie mask that came with a clear Plastic form.
Its very detailed and rigid. I crunch the paper on the form and then use golden oak stain
to wet the paper. After it has dried I use shoe polish to give it a darker color. When the
shoe polish has dried, I use the cheapest grade car wax and saturate the paper. Let dry,
then buff. You will need to wax and buff many times. When you have a good color and
feel, crumple the paper and open lots and lots of times. I then put the paper back on the
form and cut eye, nose and mouth holes. I have toyed with the idea of sewing the holes
shut. For the final touch, I use liquid latex and glue crepe hair on the eyebrows and beard
and mustache.
You need to glue very small patches of hair at a time to look real. I then shave the
beard with an electric razor to give a stubble appearance.
So the spectators dont find the face to soon, I use the Buddha papers (Thanks Bro
Shadow) to switch the face in at the last moment.
Beast wishes,
James

THE MONSTERS AMONG US

Peter Marucci
ShowTimeCol@aol.com
Effect:
"There are many things that can frighten - even terrify - some people. The number 13,
open spaces, spiders, the list goes on and on.
(To a spectator) "As a test of that, I have a number of cards on which are pictures of
various real and fictional monsters.
(The magician shows a number of cards, each one bearing a picture of a well-known
monster - Dracula, Jack the Ripper, The Werewolf, etc.)
"To find out which of these is the most terrifying to you, I want you to randomly
select one. Take the packet of cards, face down, and take the top card and move it to the
bottom, saying 'He scares me'; the next card is laid on the table, face up, as you say 'He
scares me not.' Continue this way until you have just one card left in your hand, face
down. That will be the creature that terrifies you most.
(The spectator does as asked, ending up with one card face down in her hand.)
"And now, having eliminated some of the most terrifying creatures in fact and fiction,
you are left with the most frightening one of all.
"For the first time, turn that card over and we will all see who it is that terrifies you the
most."
(The spectator does so, turning up the card that bears a picture of - a politician!)
Finis.
(The audience goes wild at this point, cheering and applauding and carrying you
around the room on their shoulders.
(Either that, or they lynch you! )
Working:
This is, of course, just the old "down and under" deal, dressed up.
You'll need eight blank-faced cards. Put one picture of a "monster" on each card:
Dracula, the Werewolf, Jack the Ripper (use your imagination!), Frankenstein's monster,
the Mummy, the Devil, a blank card (for the Invisible Man - who else?) and a politician.

I got the pictures from my computer's clip art; the politician is a generic picture of a
person standing at a lectern, surrounded by signs that say "Vote".
The seven monster cards are face up, the politician card is face down on the bottom of
the stack.
Show the cards from the face-up stack. As you display each one, turn it face down and
put it to the bottom of the stack. When you have displayed seven of the cards, and moved
them, the next card will be face down. It will be the back of the politician card but will
appear to the audience as the back of the first monster card that you showed.
False shuffle the stack, if you want, keeping the politician card on the top.
Give the cards to the spectator with the instructions as to how to eliminate them, one
by one as they are turned face up.
(You may wish to demonstrate with the first card.)
Continue as in the Effect.
When she is left with just one face-down card, finish with the comment that this is the
most terrifying of them all.
Second thoughts:
This handling can be applied to about a zillion other scripts. I have done it with the
Seven Deadly Sins, finishing with the Devil (from a Tarot deck); Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs, with a VERY adult ending; and so on.
There are seven shown monsters and eight cards in this handling; but, since you never
mention the number of cards/monsters, the audience will not question the fact that there
are eight cards.
The eight cards, with the force card on top, makes for the most logical handling. It
can, of course, be done with a different number of cards, putting the force card at a
different location.
But this is the easiest way of handling the elimination.
And, since I'm naturally lazy, I opt for it!
Have fun with it.
Peter Marucci
270 St. Andrew St. East
Fergus, Ontario, Canada
N1M 1R1

FALLEN FROM GRACE

by Trevor McCombie (Arcane) 2001 Arcane Magick
trevor_mccombie@standardlife.com
Inspired by Tom Sellers Death Flight!
EFFECT/STORY (adlib it's not set in stone!!) It is explained to a volunteer that the
seven deadly sins were originally 7 angels. The 7 angels had fallen from grace and had
followed the dark path to the fiery depths of hell. But one of the angels was not so happy
about its new home, and had decided to sneaky back into Heaven. As two angels walked
through the Pearl Gates it hid between them. A small packet of business cards are
removed along with some small pay envelopes. The top seven business cards are shown to
each carry one of the deadly sins, the rest are blank The seven cards are handed to the
volunteer for mixing.
The volunteer is asked to remove one of the sins and place it between two of the blank
cards. The three cards are now sealed within an envelope which is signed and has the word
HEAVEN written upon it. This envelope the volunteer puts in their pocket or holds in
their hand.
The rest of the sins are picked up and placed inside another envelope. Which again is
signed and this time HELL is written across the front. This envelope is handed to another
volunteer.
The story is picked up again. They are told that although the angel had managed to
sneak through the gates. They did not get very farfor evil is not welcome in the paradise
they call Heaven.
The volunteer holding the HEAVEN envelope is asked to open it and remove the
cards. They find only the two blank cards!!
The volunteer holding the HELL envelope is asked to open it, inside they find that the
Seven Deadly Sins are back together.
REQUIRED
8 small pay envelopes
2 sets of sin business cards. Each card carries one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
Lucifer (Pride); Mammon (Avarice); Asmodeus (Lechery); Satan (Anger);
Beelzebub (Gluttony); Leviathan (Envy); and Belphegor (Sloth).
10 blank business cards

SETUP
Place one set of Sin business cards within one of the envelopes and seal it. Place two
blank cards inside one of the envelopes and seal it. The envelope stack: Place two
envelopes on a table flap side up, address side down, on top of this place envelope (A),
and then an empty envelope again address side down. Turn this stack over so the address
side is now face up.
Now take two empty envelopes and place them address side down on top of the stack
on the table.
Take sealed envelope (B) and place this on top, now take the final envelope and place
this on top of the stack. Place a small pencil dot somewhere YOU can see it on this
envelope. Each side of the stack is a mirror image of the other side. Secure the stack with
an elastic band, string, etc.
Take the rest of the business cards and place the other set of Sin cards on top. Secure
these again with an elastic band, string, etc.
METHOD
Inspiration: A Tom Sellers effect called Death Flight!, which appeared in The Jinx
page 102.
As you start the tale you bring out the envelopes. (Pencil dot to the top!) Hand the
Deadly sin cards to the volunteer. Ask them to mix them and then choose a sin. Tell them
to place the sin card between two blank cards these represent the angels. Take the three
cards from the volunteer and place them into the pencil dotted envelope. As you chat
perform a double turnover and tell the volunteer to signed the envelope and print
HEAVEN across it. As the volunteer is doing this place the envelope stack on the table. In
doing so the envelope stack has been turned over. Now pick up the envelopes and then the
remaining six sin cards. Place the sin cards into the top envelope, seal it and again perform
a double turnover as you chat. The second volunteer signs the envelope and writes HELL
across it.
And thats it - all the dirty work is over, all you have to do now is the tie up

WITHIN THE EYE

Trevor McCombie (Arcane)
trevor_mccombie@standardlife.com
Effect:
The Tarot are handed to the volunteer (V). (Please note that at no time through this
effect does the Mage see the faces of the Tarot.) They are asked to remove any 8 cards.
The 8 cards are mixed and laid face down on the table.
The V is asked to remove any card of their choice. They are asked to study the face of
the card, to take in every detail, color, numbers and words. The card chosen card is shown
to the rest of the gathering. The card is replaced and again the 8 Tarot are mixed.
The Mage now takes the card and divides them into two face down packets. The V is
shown both, they are asked to pick up the packet containing their card. They are now
asked to picture "within the eye," their third eye the background of the card. While doing
this they are to slowly deal their packet onto the table. For each card they deal you will
deal a card from the other packet on top (alternating). So again one pile sits in the middle
of the table containing 8 cards.
The pile is once more divided into two packets and the V is shown each and asked to
pick up the packet containing their card. This time they are asked to focus in on the image
and picture this "within the eye." The cards are then dealt one for one again.
The cards are now divided into two packet for one final time. You explain to the V
that they are used they third eye to picture the chosen tarot. The must now use something
from deeper within.
** They are asked to take there left hand and place it on top of either of the packets.
They do this and the other packet is discarded. They are not asked to deal the 4 cards in a
row on to the table. After doing this they are asked to take their left hand and place it onto
one of the cards. With this done the other face are turned over and discarded. The card
they have their hand over is turned and is show to be the chosen card.
To end a short reading could be given for the chosen card.
Method:
First I must apologize I can't remember where I picked up this little gem. But it was so
long ago that its been through the wash a hell of a lot. I've taken it and molded it into what

I believe to be a beautiful presentation. It may read a little long, but give it a go and you'll
be surprised.
The beauty of this is that it requires no set-up or funny moves. Its completely selfworking and at no time do you need to see the faces!!
The V removes any 8 cards. They can initial be mixed as much as they see fit. They
now chose a card and focus in on it.
The 8 cards and gathered and again can be mixed. Now you divide the 8 cards into 2
packets of 4 cards. This is done by just pushing over the top 4 cards. DO NOT DEAL
THEM!! Place the top 4 cards to the left and the lower 4 to the right
Lift up the left pile and show the faces, then lift up the right pile and show the faces.
Now ask the V to pick up the pile containing their card.
Now explain the for every card they deal you will deal one from the other pile on top
of it mixing the cards even more. These are alternately dealt into the one pile on the table.
The pile is again split into two packets are place on the table as you did previously.
Both packets are again show to the V and the pick up the packet containing their card.
Again deal the two packets alternately onto the table.
The above has place the chosen card 3rd from bottom. If you try this out a couple of
times with the chosen card face up you'll see how it works.
The pile is for the final time split into two packets. The top 4 to the left and the bottom
4 to the right. You now force the right packet. The V is now asked to deal the cards from
(their) left to right. This places the card 2nd from left the perfect position for the
psychological "left hand force." Ask the V to place their left hand on any card, fingers
crossed they go for the 2nd from left if not it's a simple case of "Magicians Choice."
** One idea I do play around with from time to time is a pendulum. Knowing where
the card is the final 2 packets and the final 4-in-a-row, I ask the V if they have a ring I can
borrow, I take the ring and thread it on to some ribbon. I ask the V to hold my wrist and I
"call up the spirits". I start with a couple of basic questions which we both know the
answers to, just to get the yes-no orientation right. I then place the pendlulm/ring over
each packet asking the spirit which contains the chosen card. I then do the same with the
4-in-a-row.
As I said I believe this is a beautiful anytime presentation. To add a short basic reading
for the chosen card and the end also give it a natural ending.
Go on give it a go, you'll be surprised.

WHO IS JOE KERR?

Bob Neale
rneale@adelphia.com
(The performer spreads a packet of three playing cards face down.) See these angels
riding on bicycles? They do not need bikes in Heaven, so they must be on earth. Why?
They have been sent to find their predecessoran angel who has been commissioned to
help humanity, but lost his way and himself, forgotten Heaven and succumbed to earthly
delights all too fully. (The top card is turned face up. It shows a large image of the Joker.)
Here he is in mufti as Joe Kerr. He wears a crown and hides his wings with a jacket of
spades. He is passing as royalty, the King of Spades, lording over us all. Such nerve!
Such forgetfulness! So these angels riding on bicycles are looking for Joe Kerr.
Joe rides swiftly on his bicycle. (The large joker is replaced at the bottom of the
packet.) They see him close up. (The next card is revealed as containing the small image
of the Joker and replaced at the bottom of the packet.) They see him far away. (The third
card is shown to be a large joker and replaced at the bottom of the packet.) And they see
him close up again.
We can look for him too on our own. (The three showings are repeated, but with
different outcomes.) We will probably see him far away. Then close up. And then far
away again.
Perhaps we will have better luck if we search together with the angels, that is, by
remembering that he is one who can help humanity. (The packet is turned face up and the
cards are shifted from face to back, one at a time, the last being the King of Spades.) Here
is he far away. Here he is close up. And. . .? Joe Kerr is here!
He must be one of us! Will he come to himself? And help the rest of us?
Sources:
The plot is taken from a Gnostic myth, "Hymn of the Pearl." (See The Gnostic
Religion, Second edition, enlarged, by Jan Jonas, for both the story and the interpretation.
(Boston: The Beacon Press, 1991. The story is on pp. 113-116, while the introduction
and analysis are on pp.112-113, 116-129.)
In the original tale, a young man is sent by his royal father down into another country
to find the Pearl that has been stolen and is now encircled in the middle of the sea by a
guardian dragon. He takes off his royal robes. He puts on common robes for a disguise.
He goes in search and, taking food and drink with those of the country, he forgets himself
and the search. A message is sent from the king, reminding him of who he is and of the
Pearl he is to obtain. He comes to himself, charms the dragon to sleep, takes the pearl,
and returns home to wear his original robes and to give the pearl to his father.

Routine:
From a deck of Bicycle brand playing cards, remove the large Joker, small Joker and
King of Spades, placing them in that order from the top. Be sure to orient the jokers so
that the audience sees them right side up. The recommended handling is such that the
cards can be employed close-up or stand-up. Hold the packet face down, casually spread it
and point to the angels. Close the spread. Shove off the top card into the other hand,
grasping it with the thumb on the back and fingers underneath. Twist the wrist to show
the large Joker to the audience. Use it to gesture toward the angels on the back of the top
card. Place the card face down underneath the packet. Repeat these moves to show the
small Joker. Appear to repeat these moves, but actually shove off two cards as one card,
show the large Joker, and place them as one underneath the packet. (Use either a twocard push off or buckle the bottom card to achieve a secure and clean appearance of the
two cards. With only three cards, it is very easy to do either move neatly.)
Repeat the above process to reveal the three cards again, but use the double card on
the second showing. The audience will see a small Joker, a large Joker and another small
Joker.
Count and show the three cards just as before, doing a double lift on the first showing.
This reveals the large image, small image and then the King of Spades. The packet is
restacked. (Or, pull out the bottom card, show it and replace it on top of the packet or
discard it to the table or breast pocket. Repeat with the new bottom card. Repeat with
the new bottom card, the King, but replace it at the bottom if keeping the packet intact.
The packet is restacked.
Notes:
In the above handling, a firmer grip on the single and double cards is obtained by
holding them between the thumb at the lower right corner and the second finger at the
upper right corner, the forefinger resting on the back. This grip is less natural, but more
secure.
Obviously, other handlings are possible, including the use of stripper cards or a cornershort card. In the former, the small joker is reversed, in the latter, the lower right corner
of the small joker is shorted. If I bothered with such, I would use wax or roughing fluid to
render the handling of the double automatic.
Of course, my other presentation for this effect is about death.

THE WANDERING MUMMY

Bill Palmer
bill@billpalmer.com
Most of you on the Shadow Digest know that I like magic with interesting props. One
of my favorite magic toys is "The Wandering Mummy." This has been produced by many
different companies, among them Inzani-Henley, Harold Voit (ZauberZentrale Mnchen),
Eddy Taytelbaum and Alan Warner.
I have owned sets of all of these, but now I have only the Alan Warner set. The
routine is based upon one that I translated for Harold Voit and Joe Stevens about 20 years
ago, which was written by the late Herbert Paufler of Dresden. The props need to have
some minor alteration done to them, but this can be done without damaging anything. I
will assume that you are going to do this with the Alan Warner props.
The Props:
Two sarcophagi or caskets. These are made of a dark hardwood, probably teak.
Sarcophagus 1 (S I) has a sliding panel on the lid with an oval gemstone set in it. It
also contains two mummies. One of them rests in the bottom of the sarcophagus and the
other is held inside the lid of the sarcophagus by means of a magnet. Pushing the panel
with the gemstone forwards and back will cause this mummy to drop into the bottom of
the sarcophagus. In addition to this, I have added the following piece. It is a piece of
papyrus about 2 inches by 3 inches which has an "Eye of Horus" drawn on it, with an
arrow pointing to the right just below it. This goes into S I under the first mummy.
Sarcophagus 2 (S II) has an undecorated lid. It also has a sliding tray in it which is
made of the same hardwood. It also has a pair of semicircular guides on each end of it
which keeps the mummy that will be placed into it from flying off. The tray (or bier)
conceals some magnets which repel a set of magnets in the mummy. There is also a
wooden panel that goes on top of the bier. In the version you get from your favorite magic
dealer, this panel is decorated with all sorts of crinkled gold. Replace this with a thin piece
of wood the same size as the panel. Paint it gold and put hieroglyphs on it. One end of the
lower part of the sarcophagus has a door on it that you use to insert the bier, mummy and
panel into it.
Note: The mummies are not interchangeable. Make sure you know which one is
which. Also make sure that you do not put the lids on the caskets the wrong way or you
will mess up the routine.

I had a box made to hold both of the sarcophagi. I inlaid an Eye of Horus in the lid. It
adds to the presentation quite a bit.
The Technical Part:
Basically, the procedure is like this. You show the casket with the gem on it, remove
the lid and display the mummy. Then you put the lid back onto the casket, leaving the
mummy on the table. When you put the lid back onto the casket, you activate the panel,
causing the mummy in the lid to drop into the bottom of the sarcophagus
You open the second casket, pull out the tray or bier and the wooden panel, and put
the lid back onto the casket. Then you put the mummy into the tray, put the panel back on
top of the tray and slide the whole assembly into S II from the end. As an afterthought you
remove the panel and read the inscription. The magnets in the tray cause the mummy to fly
upwards into the lid, where those magnets hold it in place. Next, you slide the panel back
in place.
As the story concludes, you open the first casket and show the mummy in place, and
open the second casket, showing it empty.
Note: Some people allow the mummy to float in the tray, which exposes the presence
of magnets. This is too much information for the public to have. It looks neat, but it kills
the magic.
And Now, The Story:
Bring out the box containing the two caskets, open it, remove the caskets and place
them on the table. S I should be on your right, S II on your left. Place the large box aside.
"Ali and Omar were a pair of rogues who caused quite a stir when they tried to rob the
West Bank of the Nile. This caused a stir because the west bank of the Nile is a silt deposit
and not a banking institution. They were simply too stupid to survive.
"One day, Ali and Omar went wandering off into the desert near the Valley of the
Kings, hunting for that elusive dream of all thieves -- an unplundered royal tomb. You see,
it is a well-known fact that the Pharaohs of old were buried with great riches -- expensive
adornments, gold, valuable jewels, and other costly trinkets -- presumably to purchase free
passage in the realm of the gods of the underworld.
"Certainly, most of these tombs had been plundered under pretence of scholarship, and
their contents now adorned museums all over the world. Yet, in the Valley of the Kings,
not far from the tomb of Tut-Ankh-Amun -- there was reputed to be an undisturbed burial
chamber. The devil only knows how Ali and Omar came by their secret map, but after a
few days of searching in the hot desert sun, they appeared to have been blessed by luck:
they gazed greedily upon a pair of massive sarcophag... sarcophaguses... sarcophagi --caskets!

"Their eyes were caught by the attractive jewel on top of one of them. Obviously, this
casket contained the mummy of a wealthy king! So, struggling and sweating, and sweating
and cursing, they laboriously slid the lid of the casket aside, and inside, they found ... one
paltry mummy. No jewels. No gold. Just the mummy ... and a papyrus scroll. They
carelessly dropped the mummy on the ground and opened the scroll. Omar asked Ali to
read it to him. You see, Omar had not even gotten out of the second grade. That's why he
had turned to a life of crime. He could not read the old writing. He did not even know the
simple rules like horse before cow except after sow.'"
Your actions up to here parallel the story line.
"Ali took one look at the scroll and the message was quite clear. - It says "Look -over there!"
(Unroll the scroll, show it to the audience and point to the hieroglyphics. Point toward
S II at the appropriate time. Then put the scroll back into S I and replace the lid, activating
the panel as you do so.)
"So they went over to the second sarcoph ... casket and lifted off the lid. Now, they
were impressed! For there was the seal, completely intact, with all its inscriptions. They
slid it out, and beneath it, they found the Pharaoh's bier. It was flat. But your bier would
be flat if it had been in the desert for the past 2500 years!!!! ... never mind."
Again, your actions follow the story line.
"They replaced the lid on the casket. Then, out of courtesy, they placed the Pharaoh
back into his bier, put the plaque on top of it and slid the whole arrangement into the
casket once more."
Put the lid on S II. Put the mummy from S I into the bier, put the plaque on top of it to
hold the mummy in place, open the end of the casket, and slide bier, mummy and plaque
into the casket.
"Then Ali said, "Omar, I don't like this at all. This is just too creepy for me. I forgot
something.'
"Omar asked, 'What's that.'
"That plaque -- The Mummy's Curse!
"Omar said, 'NO.'
"Ali replied, Yes, they do, but not in front of the children!' So he pulled out the plaque
and read the inscription -- to wit "Whoever disturbs my rest and moves my body to this
casket shall be cursed forever to wander the desert in "doo - dee - doo - doo, doo - dee doo " doo" THE ARCHEOLOGY ZONE!'"

Pull out the plaque, read the inscription, and hum the "Twilight Zone" theme. Push the
plaque back into place -- the mummy will have jumped into the lid of S II.
"And that, my friends, is what actually happened. For the rest of eternity Ali and Omar
are doomed. Each morning they come into the tomb, open the first casket and find ... a
mummy, and they open the second casket and find ... nothing!"*
Just follow the text here.
*Or, "a flat bier!"

Alchemy and Primordial Clay

Santiago aka Tim Converse
santiago@santiagosmagic.com
Introduction:
In the final year of Mystery School I had a conversation with David Parr. During that
conversation he mentioned the concept and basic methodology which led to the following
routine. When he mentioned it I was immediately struck by it and asked his permission
right there if I could play with it. He had said he hadn't intended to pursue it at that time,
though he may have since then.
In any case, he gave me permission and I promptly stored the idea away for later
work.
The basic routine worked out pretty much immediately, but the poem didn't happen for
a couple of years.
Props:

A small amount of clay.

A bowl.
A stone or crystal.

Routine:
While reciting the poem below, the magician hands out small pieces of clay from inside
a bowl to various people in the audience. He allows them to play with the clay for a few
moments and then collects them again into a solid lump. Then, tearing the lump open he
discovers inside "The Philosophers Stone".
Poem:
Alchemy
The Quest for The Philosopher's Stone
The inspiration inside us
A journey we take alone
[magician shows the clay]
Primordial Clay
waiting uncreated
formless until the day
it's purpose has been stated

[magician hands out pieces of the clay and with gestures and words encourages people to
play with it]
A piece for each of you to take
and mold in your hands
charged by your greatest qualities
your hopes and your plans
[the following words are instructions to the audience]
Hand the piece to your neighbor
And your neighbor to the next
And each of you until the last
and to me to be finally hexed
[at this point the magician rolls the clay in his hands into a solid lump
until at the right moment he opens the lump to reveal the crystal.]
Inspiration drives the alchemist
to seek inside for that which is purest
and inside this lump of primal clay
The Philosophers Stone
Inspiration at it's truest.
Arcanum:
This is nothing more then a simple palm. After the small bits of clay have been handed
out to the audience the magician retrieves the crystal from some hidden place on himself
and keeps it palmed. If your using a bowl with a recessed base, this could be a place to
hide the crystal.
When the final audience member who has collected the clay into a lump hands it to the
magician he merely palms the crystal into the lump and works it in as he rolls the clay
around in his hands. At the end, the lump is torn open and the crystal is revealed.
If your concerned about the crystal being to obvious, then it can already be wrapped in
a lump of clay as well so that it immediately blends with the clay that was handed out.
This would also make it easier to keep in the base of the bowl if you decide to go that
route.
It's important that the crystal be substantially larger then any single lump of clay that
was handed out to the audience members.
To make handing out the clay bits easier roll them into small balls before putting them
into the bowl. As to choice of clay, that is up to you. Any hobby store will have a variety
to choose from and you may want something harder or softer depending on your
particular needs.

When revealing the crystal at the end, try to hold the lump of clay on both thumbs and
dig your fingers into the clay to split it apart. This will allow you to force the crystal out
with your thumbs making it appear even larger as your hands spread apart the clay.
(C) Copyright Tim Converse, 2002 Santiago's Magic

THE LAST LEAF

Ed Solomon
dnomolos@swbell.net
Having just returned from a long weekend in wilds of Connecticut, Charles and I had
planned to give a review of the gathering of the Inner Circle of Bizarre Magick event but
as luck would have it, our group of Spellbinders were going to have to wait for another
time. DeNomolos had other things in mind and we were cut off in mid thought as he took
over the discussion.
First it was the new movie about Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. He went on
and on about the production and how disgusted he was with the fundamentalists and their
backward view of these marvelous children's stories. You would have thought they were
attacking and protesting him instead of the movie and the series of books. He even related
the tale of the famous fundamentalist leader who had proclaimed that Snow White was a
prostitute because every morning the seven dwarfs said "HI HO "..................
We didn't laugh either but we remembered this same fundamentalist had declared one
of the Tella Tubbies to be gay because of the triangle it wears on its head. "The
tastemakers are out to get us all, " DeNomolos said in mock despair.
From his coat pocket DeNomolos produced a folded newspaper and carefully placed
it on the table. It had the appearance of old, yellowed newsprint but it was impossible to
guess the date from the way it looked. He didn't say anything about it but I immediately
suspected we were about to hear one of his long-winded stories.
"English authors, " he began, "have always fascinated me and this young woman
who is writing the Potter series is most skillful. We of course have had some brilliant
writers here at home. People like Damon Runyan and our O. Henry are but two examples.
These men knew the streets and the byways of our great country and while their writing
styles were very different, they told us about ourselves and the way we lived at that time.
O Henry has always been one of my heroes and his tale of the "Gift of the Magi " is one
of my favorite stories to tell at Christmas time."
DeNomolos proceeded to relate a bit of the history about the American author but as
it was quite lengthy, I have elected not to relate it verbatim. Sometimes it is best not to,
you understand. Discretion and valor and all. But on to the story.
DeNomolos picked up the folded newspaper and began his discourse.
"O.Henry was the non-de plume of a rascal named Will Potter. (THERE IS THAT
NAME AGAIN.) Stories abound about how and why he chose that name but the world
knew him as O. Henry and he was a man of many talents. He was an artist, a dreamer, a
writer and a lush. What more could any one ask for. One story in particular stands out in

my mind as being quite magical. This is but only a brief synopsis. I would recommend that
if you are interested, you read this story for yourself. It is called "The Last Leaf " and
concerns two older women living in a Greenwich Village boarding house flat and their
neighbor, an aging artist named Behrman who dreams of painting a masterpiece. When
one of the women is stricken with pneumonia, she ties her fate to the last leaf of ivy visible
through her window. "When the last leaf goes, I must go too. " She says.
Now the winds blow and the leaf hangs on, giving her determination to do the same
thing. Only after her recovery does she learn the Behrman has painted
the leaf, his masterpiece, on the wall facing her window, and succumbed to pneumonia
from his effort."
As the story was related, DeNomolos opened the newspaper and within the folds was
another packet, which he opened. The inner packet of paper was depicting a brick wall
and from the folds, he disclosed a single leaf of ivy.
Replacing the leaf he refolded the paper and as he finished the tale, the packet was
opened again and the real leaf is gone and what remained in the packet was a replica of the
leaf, life like in every detail, painted on the page.
As a sentimentalist, DeNomolos, all too often, deliberately goes for the heartstrings.
This tale was no exception.
Working:
Immediately recognizable are the inscrutable Buddha Papers. Inspired by Brother
Shadow's book on this subject, the scanner with my computer let me make the inner paper
as a brick wall and an ivy leaf scanned on one page allowed for the transformation. See
Brother Shadow's wonderful offering to learn more about the Buddha Papers. Be sure to
age the newspaper to enhance the effect.
Brother Shadow wrote: As a side note, I have a friend that owns and lives in that
house in the Village in which, O Henry wrote that story. From his window you can still
see that brick wall.
Is it not bizarre how so many things are connected?
In the Craft,
Ed Solomon

JACK
Larry White
MagicLW@aol.com
Here is a neat quick little bizarre card packet trick. Oh I know most of you avoid
tricks with playing cards, but my idol, Doctor Bruce, doesn't, so this one's for him.
"The year is 1888. Terrible murders are being committed in the vicinity of London
England. The first, a savage killing and mutilation of Mary Ann Nichols on August 31.
Since then three others have followed within two months. The public has named this
vicious killer "Jack..."
The Mage tips a packet of playing cards forward to show the Jack of Spades as the
bottom card. He turns the card over and sets it on the table.
"Jack the Ripper, to be exact. They do not know the identity of the man but they seem
to be closing in on him. Today, November 9th, he is spotted in the vicinity of Whitechapel.
Police fear for the life of yet another prostitute... for prostitutes have been Jack's chosen
victims."
The bottom card now showing on the packet is a Joker. This is taken off and set faceup to one side of the face-down Jack.
"The King has ordered Scotland Yard to send their best men to capture Jack.
However they have tried and failed so many times most Londoners, including Jack, look
upon them as Jokers. This time four of them are about to close in on the evasive killer."
The remaining three cards, all Jokers, are set face up around the face-down Jack, one
on each side.
"Slowly, carefully, the Detectives move in on Jack who is so intent on his task he has
his back to them. This time, for certain the Police will capture him..."
As the Mage relates this, he moves the Jokers closer and closer to the face-down card
until they are almost touching it.
"Then their trap is sprung. They leap upon the face-down form and turn it over...
BUT, it is NOT Jack..."
The face down card is turned over to reveal that it is the Queen of Hearts with slashes
across the face.

"It is Mary Jane Kelly... and Jack is nowhere to be found."

The performer gathers up the Jokers, and finally the Queen, saying,
"The Police returned to their station, and Mary Jane was put to rest. Interestingly,
Jack the Ripper also vanished... permanently... on that day. He never murdered, nor in fact
was ever heard from... again."
Explanation:
Five cards are required to make this simple packet trick. You will also employ just one
simple sleight, a double-lift, and a bit of roughing fluid will make this simple to execute.
You require four MATCHING jokers. I recommend the ones from Bicycle decks
because they show a King on a Bicycle. You can refer to the "King's Men" and they close
in on their bicycles. But any jokers will work.
You will require a doctored Queen of Hearts. To doctor her, take a razor blade or
Exacto knife and SCRAPE the tip of the blade across the face of the card in many places.
Make these "slashes" very obvious. Mutilate the card, but do not dig deeply into it. Just
deep enough to scrape off some of the ink design.
You will need to make a double-face card. If you can split cards you can make a
perfect one. If you can't simply glue the back of a Joker to the back of the Jack of Spades.
If you align them exactly the double thickness won't be noticed.
Stack the cards in this order. The two top cards are ordinary Jokers. The third card
down is the Queen, facing down. The bottom card is the double-facer, Jack side facing
down.
Note: You will be double lifting the Jack and the Queen. If you put roughing fluid on
the face of the queen and the Joker side of the Jack they will cling together so you can
push them off as a single card and flip them over to do a simple-to-do double lift.
The Actions:
Follow the routine as described above as you read this.
Turn the packet over to show the Jack on the bottom. (From this point on you will
keep the packet face-up)
Double lift the Jack and Queen and flip them over on the face of the packet. The back
of the Queen will show.
Push the Queen card off onto the table. Because a Joker (the back of the Jack) now
shows on the face of the packet it appears you have simply placed the Jack on the table.

Scatter the four Jokers around the face down "Jack."

You are all set for the finish. All looks fair. The Queen can be shown freely (be sure
the audience notices the slashes) and the Jokers all look the same.
Enjoy the moment. The closing lines give you a perfect reason to then gather the cards
and put them away... ""The Police returned to their station, and Mary Jane was put to
rest..."

CRIMINAL COURTROOM
Lee Woodside
WoodsideLee@hotmail.com
This is ideal for presentation at a party, because it is performed for fun and a number
of people get involved in the action.
One person is selected from the group to be the "criminal ". The premise is that this
person has been going by an alias (actually his/her real name) for a long time. This person
selects a "real " last name from the list of suspects. He/she then places the envelopes that
contain the chosen name out of sight, such as in a pocket or purse. The envelopes with
the selected name represent the crimes of which the suspect is guilty. (There will always
be exactly three crimes.)
Each of the remaining envelopes (there will be three) is handed to a different "witness
" who will testify against the defendant. The instructions for each witness are in his/her
envelope. The witnesses are not to share any of the information provided them with
anyone else, including other witnesses. The only exception is in answering questions
asked by the prosecuting attorney (mentalist).
Once the defendant (suspect) has chosen his name, handed out envelopes to the three
"witnesses" and placed the remaining envelopes (crimes of which he is guilty) in his
pocket, the fun can begin. The mentalist acts as the prosecuting attorney. You may want
to have a judge selected to preside over the "trial". You could even have a defense
attorney appointed by the court.
As prosecuting attorney, the mentalist calls each of the three witnesses in turn to
testify against the defendant. One think that adds some fun is to have a funny "swearing
in" for each of the witnesses, such as "I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, so help me Houdini." (Use your imagination on this.) The mentalist
asks questions that will hopefully get funny responses, but also makes sure to ask each
"witness" the question "How long have you known the defendant?" I personally use a
clipboard, which contains all the possible names and the letters for each of the crimes (L,
S, N, M, R, & F). When an answer to the question is given, I circle that letter. The
circled letters tell me the "real" name of the criminal and the uncircled letters indicate the
crimes of which he/she is guilty.
The name of the criminal will contain the three letters that are the first letter of the first
word in the responses to the question "How long have you known the defendant? " The
crimes of which the defendant is guilty will be those crimes starting with letters other than
these three letters. (The only exception is that the crime of "Kidnapping " is represented
by the letter "N ". So think of "Napping ".)

Example: The responses are "Never saw him before in my life. "; "A Long time. ";
and "Forever. " The criminal's name is Fallin' and the crimes of which he is guilty are
Safecracking, Murder, and Robbery.
While the "jury" deliberates, I ask the accused to write his "name" and "crimes" on a
dry erase board. I reveal these and then have him show what he is written.
Credits: This is a modification of "A Mystery Party! Adapted by Dave Arch " from
the March 1996 issue of MUM. Dave Arch credited Jack Yates as the originator of the
effect, originally published in 1980 by Supreme Magic under the title "Accusation. " In
the version you are now reading, several modifications have been made. First, the use of
only a last name for the suspect permits the use of a female, which is important in this age
of political correctness. Also, there will always be exactly three witnesses and three
crimes. In the Dave Arch version, the possibility exists of no witnesses at all, which would
kill the fun. Knowing that there are exactly three witnesses will also help you to catch a
mistake made by the "suspect ".
Here is the text of the page given to the "suspect":
Please select a last name for yourself from the list below. Select all of the envelopes
which contain this last name and place them in your pocket. Hand each of the remaining
envelopes to a "witness". The envelopes you retain represent the crimes of which you are
"guilty ".
List of suspects:
Arliss
Fallin
Falls
Farmer
Fenner
Ferris
Flair
Flame
Lamar
Mavis
Means
Mellon
Mills
Minor
Morris
Muffin
Nailer
Rains
Sloan
Vines

Six envelopes each contain a "crime " and a list of names printed on the outside.
Within each of the envelopes is the instruction to that witness. Each set of instructions
begins with:
You are a "witness " who will testify about the "crimes " which have been committed
by the "suspect ". This is for entertainment, so please give answers that are fun! The
only exception is that when you are asked how long you have know the defendant, you
will say:
Shown below are the crime and list of suspects for each of the envelopes, and the
response that will be printed for that witness to give when asked the above question.
Safecracking
Fallin, Farmer, Fenner, Flair, Flame, Lamar, Mellon, Minor, Muffin, Nailer
Question response: "Several days. "
Littering
Farmer, Fenner, Ferris, Mavis, Means, Minor, Morris, Muffin, Rains, Vines
Question response: "A long time. "
Kidnapping
Arliss, Falls, Farmer, Ferris, Flair, Flame, Lamar, Mavis, Mills, Morris
Question response: "Never saw him (her) before in my life. "
Murder
Arliss, Fallin, Falls, Fenner, Ferris, Flair, Nailer, Rains, Sloan, Vines
Question response: "Many years. "
Robbery
Fallin, Falls, Flame, Mavis, Means, Mellon, Mills, Muffin, Sloan, Vines
Question response: "Rememberin' ain't my thing. "
Forgery
Arliss, Lamar, Means, Mellon, Mills, Minor, Morris, Nailer, Rains, Sloan
Question response: "Forever. "
1998 Lee Woodside

THE INSULTING BARD

Fred Zimmerman
Clubfez@aol.com
"Have you ever been in a situation -- at work, at home, or at a party -- where you
want to throw a real verbal zinger at someone, and you just can't seem to come up with
anything other than the less than exciting rejoinder,"Oh Yeah!"
And so begins this light and fun interlude for the mystery performer. Even though
many of us like to explore the darker side of life and Magick, every effect can't-- and
mustn't-- be a heavy, soul-searching masterpiece. You've got break it up a little -especially if you're working Janey from Accounting's Retirement Party!
And so I devised this interactive piece of mental fun to break things up. It plays on the
fact that in my primary profession is an actor, but anyone who can justify an appreciation
for Shakespeare should be able to find a place in his or her repertoire.
After that opening question, and a brief discussion of any good "one-liners" your
audience may have in their arsenal (listen carefully to these because you may pick up some
good material) you propose a little game. You take from your pocket a small stack of
business card-size cards. These could very well be your business cards, but at the
moment, you keep what is printed on their backs hidden.
"Well, you continue, "those are wonderful suggestions, and I'll certainly keep them in
mind, but I found a very effective method for stopping my verbal abusers dead in their
track you might enjoys. (beat) Shakespeare! You pause for this to sink in.
Your audience will most likely look at you quizzically. "Oh yes, Shakespeare! When it
came to slinging the mud, he has no equal. Did you know that contained in his 38 plays
are nearly 10,000 insults. It's true! And I have chosen to put these insults to work for
me! Never again will I stand mute and debased while my verbal attacker gains the upper
hand. Nay, I simply level him with a Shakespearean Slammer!
"Here's an example. If you find yourself in the coffee room at work with the company
boor, and wish to abruptly end his lengthy diatribe against Management, you would simply
raise your hand and say,"You cram these words into mine ear against the stomach of my
sense.'
"And if they were to ever report you to your superior, you can simply tell them, "Oh
dear! I'm very sorry. I was simply quoting Shakespeare's The Tempest!' And they can
check-- you are! Let's see them try and fire you over THAT!

"And so it has become my mission to arm as many people as I can with these
Stratfordian* bon mots. And to make it even more fun, I've devised a little game. I've
written a number of insults on the back of my business cards here. Here's what we'll do.
We'll play a little choosing game, and each of you is going to receive one or two insults to
keep in your wallet so you're armed and ready for your next confrontation. But in the end,
there will be one insult left, and it is THIS insult, that I am going to let you sir, you
indicate a person in the crowd whom you feel will be the best orator, "hurl at ME! And
better still, I will not utter a rejoinder of any kind-- I will simply take it like a man and
remain silent. Are we ready? Very good!"
And now, as many of you have already guessed, we begin the ever-popular PATEO
force. I know that there are those amongst our number who dislike this method, and so I
leave it to you devise your own. I, for one, like it in this situation because there's no trick
happening at all yet, so there's no heat whatsoever.
But, you are asking yourself, what IS the trick? Well, let me answer that by listing the
insults, and their sources, that I use:
1 " Methinks thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee " All's Well
That Ends Well
2 " Thou art grim, ugly, slanderous to thy Mother's womb, full of unpleasing blots and
sightless stains, lame, foolish, crooked, swart, prodigious, patch's with foul moles and eyeoffending marks. " King John
3 " There be her very C's, her U's and her T's by which she make her great P's** "
Twelfth Night
4 " Your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French wither'd pears; it looks
ill, it eats dryly. " All's Well That Ends Well
5 " You mad mustachio'd purple-hued maltworm(s) " Henry IV, Part 1
6 " Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it. "
Troilus and Cressida
You'll notice that there are only six. The seventh -- the force "insult, - reads as
follows:
"A Special Shakespearean Remark for Fred " The heavens Sir, through you, increase
our wonder, and set up your fame forever. " Pericles
Of course, when you get to the final card, and your audience member forcefully directs
this "slanderous - quote at you, you can simply smile and comment, "Well, methinks you
are correct sir!"

As I said at the outset, this is a nice interlude for the cocktail party performer. It kills
a ton of time and involves a great many people. Of course, you should have the audience
members read all the quotes. They become the stars. They will also keep that card in
their wallets for a long time. And while they may not use it in a "real life" situation, it will
certainly provide a lot of amusement with their friends. And your name is on the back for
all to read.
That's it-- use it well!
*Or Oxfordian, but that's an entirely different argument!
** I'm sure many of you are wondering, "What is slanderous about that?" I'll explain.
Shakespeare coined hundreds of words that have become mainstays of the English
language. I will not list them here-- there are many books and articles that discuss them-but I will say that many of them are what present-day society consider "dirty." This quote
is an oblique reference to one such word, and while Shakespeare may not have coined it -although he may have, no one is sure-- he was certainly having some fun using it.
Read the quote out loud. "There be her very "C's - her "U's" - AND (read more as the
slang term "n') her "T's" -- (put the letters together in your mind -- yes, that's right, then
continue for the proof of what you just heard) "-- by which she makes her great "P's"
Yes, you've read it correctly. It's the C*** word. Shakespeare is calling one of his
female characters a C***. It was dirty even back then, thus the wordplay, and I'm sure
that the more educated people in the audience had a great laugh about it! This is a fun
thing to explain to the audience.