Why Do Bullies Bully?

The Top 5 Reasons Why People Bully Others

June 16, 2010 5 Comments
Much of the conventional wisdom youve heard about the causes of bullying is wrong.
One of the common myths, for example, is that bullies victimize others because theyre
loners who suffer from low self-esteem.
In reality, researchers have found that kids who bully others often have average or even
above-average levels of self-esteem. Bullies often have good leadership skills, have an
easy time making friends, and therefore have large friendship networks
In fact, the Health Resources and Services Administration reports that children and
youth who bully usually have at least a small group of friends who support or encourage
their bullying.
If bullying cant be explained by low self-esteem, then why do people bully others? This
article will take a look at some of the motivations that drive bullying behaviors so that we
can attempt to answer the million-dollar question: Why do bullies bully?
1. Bullies have a strong need to be in control and exert their dominance over others
Children who bully others are often driven by the desire for power. They can be
impulsive, hot-headed, and dominant, and they enjoy being able to subdue others.
When children are involved in bullying as the aggressors, explains Debra Pepler,
Distinguished Research Professor of Psychology at York University, they are
experiencing regular lessons in how effective it can be to use their power aggressively
to control and distress others.
2. Bullies are rewarded for their bullying behaviors
It may seem counter-intuitive, but the fact is that children often receive positive
reinforcement when they bully others, which only makes them continue their behavior.
The rewards could be material, such as when a bully forces his victim to give up lunch
money. But the rewards could also be less tangible. Bullies often enjoy status and
prestige because others fear them. They also command a lot of attention for their
behavior.
One recent large-scale study found that children who bullied others did so because they
wanted to increase their popularity. To avoid losing social status, they deliberately
selected victims who were unpopular.
3. Bullies lack empathy, and may even get pleasure out of other peoples pain
Studies shown that bullies score low on tests of empathic reactivity, and have also
found that bullies can be more likely to develop anti-social personality disorder. This is a
condition that causes people to ignore the rights and feelings of those around them.One
study scanned the brains of young people who had exhibited bullying behaviors in the
past, while they were watching videos that showed people experiencing pain. The

researchers noticed a great deal of activity in the areas of the brain devoted to reward
and pleasure.
This suggests that its not just a lack of empathy thats the problem. Some bullies may
actually derive pleasure out of seeing other peoples pain.
4. Bullies lack the ability to self-regulate emotions
The same researchers who conducted the brain scan study made another surprising
discovery: the parts of the bullies brains that allows them to self-regulate their emotions
were inactive.
This suggests that bullies simply dont have a way to control their anger and frustration,
which may result in severe overreactions to small provocations.

You also cover Peer Pressure which is being driven more by childrens need to seem
popular. How can a parent help their children with this?

We define peer pressure as, following other peoples goals for you. This comes when
children do not know their own values, and, in essence, what they stand for. These
values need to be communicated clearly by parents and by schools because otherwise,
the media will provide those goals for children. And this is what is happening now.
Children are being sent subtle and not to subtle messages about the importance of
popularity, of having the latest of everything, of engaging in extreme and risky
behaviors as a way of getting noticed and appreciated by others, and of resolving
conflicts through angry words and violent acts.

Parents need to send clear messages about what they believe is the right way to
behave with other people, in the home, in the community, and in school. And schools
also need to be clear about the positive behavior and character expectations they have
of all children. Children may seem to overtly rebel against this structure but in reality,
the vast majority appreciates it and feels comforted by having clear standards and
knowing that adults actually care about and will enforce them. This also prevents some
of the vigilante behavior we see in bullying. At times, kids escalate in the hope of
getting the adults around them to act like adult and assert proper limits and boundaries.
Adults, for their part, must be clear about the dangers of bullying and not put forward
boys will be boys and related messages that condone mistreatment of others.