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02 Rada Article Infidelity

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THE PREVALENCE OF SEXUAL INFIDELITY, OPINIONS

ON ITS CAUSES FOR A POPULATION IN ROMANIA
CORNELIA RADA*
Francisc I. Rainer Anthropology Institute of the Romanian Academy
Abstract
Despite of being detested and also a major factor of marital dissolution and dissatisfaction,
both man and women engage in infidelity. The data have been collected in 2011. The sample of 1215
subjects, statistically not representative, has a homogenous distribution according to gender,
residential environment, age groups (1874 years). A questionnaire of 96 items, about family has
been used, this article stating 5 items on infidelity. The statistical analysis, the Pearson Chi-Square
test, has been performed using the SPSS. 62% of the subjects do not agree with sexual infidelity at
all. About half would break up a partner having sexual relationships outside the couples margins.
66% reported they never had sexual relationships outside the couples margins. The disagreement is
higher in females than males (71.3 vs. 52.6%). The number of females accepting sexual infidelity is
almost 2 times bigger. The number of females that did not engage in a sexual relationship outside the
couples margins is higher than the number of males (81.9 vs. 50%) (p = 0.000). Women tend to link
infidelity to the need of communication, affection and a weak personality while men link infidelity
to the unsatisfied sexual needs (p < 0.05). In conclusion Romanians value fidelity within a couple.
The double standard in evaluating sexual behaviour perpetuates societys higher tolerance to mens
infidelity. Most often, individuals cheat in order to fulfil their unsatisfied needs that lack in their
current relationships seeking for their satisfaction outside the couples margins. These needs are
seemingly different for men and women.
Cuvinte-cheie: infidelitate, sex extramarital, aventur, familie, stereotipuri de gen.
Keywords: infidelity, extramarital sex, affair, family, gender stereotypes.
1. INTRODUCTION

Infidelity is a major factor of marital dissolution and dissatisfaction (Orzeck

et al., 2005).
Within the European and American cultures sexual betrayal is regarded by
individuals of all ages as breaking of a major rule within a couple or marriage.
Although being largely despised research indicates infidelity incidence is high
about 4050% of the men and women have engaged in extramarital emotional and
sexual relationships (Baucom et al., 2007).

,,Francisc I. Rainer Anthropology Institute of the Romanian Academy, bd. Eroii Sanitari no. 8,
sector 5, Bucharest, Romania; e-mail: corneliarada@yahoo.com.

Rev. Psih., vol. 58, nr. 3, p. 211224, Bucureti, iulie septembrie 2012

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Cornelia Rada

Initially, infidelity has been considered as the breakage of a sexual exclusivity

contracts between two individuals within an official marriage or in a consensual
union. Recently, the definition extended, covering a large range of behaviours such
as: cybersex (computer sex using words), porn movies watching, various degrees
of physical intimacy (kissing, holding of hands, necking, caressing, flirting, and
even intimacy, emotional connexions with another person against the initial,
primary relationship. All these have been described as acts of betrayal. The percentage
of those involved in infidelity is estimated between 1570% (Hertlein et al., 2005).
Recent studies reveal that 5060% of married men and 4555% of married
women engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship
(Atwood et al., 2002).
What is remarkably complex with respect to the definition of infidelity is that
the two persons involved in the same relationship might have different visions on
what infidelity is or what an extramarital adventure is. Among the cases encountered in my counselling and my couple therapeutic activity as a clinician
psychologist 2% have solicited support after infidelity. Most of the times I have
heard expressions such as it was only sex or sex didnt occur, it was just an
innocent flirt.
Individuals sexual scripts learnt before marriage have a significant impact on
the probability of further on involving in extramarital relationships. The cheated
person may develop emotional and interpersonal issues she or he may transfer in
the ulterior couple or marital engagements (Hertlein et al., 2005).
The body is not biological and/or sociological but it is both object and
practice agent. It is regrettable that most of the times sexual desire is regarded as
natural and generally excluded from the social theory. More than that, certain
aspects of social order such gender division of labour and the sexual double
standards have large scales daily replicas within heterosexuals marriages and
relationships (Connel, 1995, apud Wedgwood, 2009).
Most religions have their own expectations regarding fidelity. Infidelity may
be a cause for divorce that may reach, in the Islamic countries, to severe
punishments especially for women. Some countries seem to be more conservative
not admitting infidelity and do not engage in extramarital affairs, others are more
liberal from the beginning of their relationship they do not make any fidelity
commitments and agree with infidelity having frequent sexual relationships outside
the couples margins. Sometimes it seems that we assist to a double life:
individuals declare themselves being against infidelity but in reality they have
adventures.
Widmers research on 24 countries has identified six distinctive regimes of
public opinion regarding the propriety of nonmarital sex and that the sexual
attitudes are considerably more complex than a simplistic permissive nonpermissive typology. Regarding extramarital sex the research brought into the light

The prevalence of sexual infidelity

213

a more conservative cluster compound of the following countries in decreasing

order: Philippines, Northern Ireland, USA, Ireland, Spain, New Zealand, Poland
where the percentage of those appreciating extramarital sex being wrong was of
88%74%. The most liberal group regarding extramarital sex was compound of the
following countries: Russia, Czech Republic, and Bulgaria where the proportion of
those considering extramarital sex being wrong was of 36%, 43% and 51%. The
association between the conservative group with Catholicism was not relevant but
more likely countries grouped as sexual conservatives are those where people
report attending church frequently (Widmer et al., 1998).
In the light of this context, I consider this article on infidelity and its causes
beneficial, as they are perceived by a population in Romania, especially that it is a
not very frequently approached field within Romania. The purpose of this study is
to determine the differences on gender regarding tolerance to sexual relationships
outside the basic couples margins (accidentally and occasionally), the incidence of
the sexual behaviour outside the couples margins and opinions on the infidelity
causes.
2. METHODOLOGY

The subjects within the sample group belong to The identitary values of the
contemporary Romanian family in the framework of the globalization. An anthropological approach research, financially supported by the European Social Fund
(ESF), Sectoral Operational Programme for Human Resources Development
(SOPHRD), 20072013, within the project Turning to account the Cultural
Identities in the global processes Contract POSDRU/89/1.5/S/59758/20112013.
The data have been collected in 2011 in the following cities: Bucharest,
Craiova and Satu Mare, as well as in the rural area in the communes of Cioroiai
(Dolj county), Stolnici (Arge county) and communes in Satu Mare county. When
choosing these locations I took into account these statistical units have certain
socio-demographical and cultural characteristics such as: the age of the location,
the density of the population, the access to transportation by car, by train and plane,
its rank according to the Plan for national territory arrangement all these features
offers them a certain specificity. The subjects are 1874 years old; the draw up of
these age limits has been done taking into consideration the official age of
adulthood and the average life span at the national level in 2008, of 73,03 years
(women 76,68 years, men 69,49 years) (Anuarul statistic al Romniei, Institutul
National de Statistic, 2009).
The sample built of 1215 subjects, statistically not representative for the
population in Romania, has a homogenous distribution on gender, residential
environment and age groups (Table no. 1).

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Table no. 1
The subjects distribution on gender, residential environment and age groups
Residential
environment,
gender/age groups
Male
N
%
Female
N
%
Total
N
Urban
%
Male
N
%
Female
N
%
Total Rural
N
%

Age groups
1824 yrs
51
15.0
59
17.8
110
16.4
55
20.8
77
27.7
132
24.3

2534 yrs
97
28.4
93
28.1
190
28.3
48
18.1
59
21.2
107
19.7

3549 yrs
110
32.3
108
32.6
218
32.4
73
27.5
56
20.1
129
23.8

5059 yrs
44
12.9
44
13.3
88
13.1
47
17.7
51
18.3
98
18.0

6074 yrs
39
11.4
27
8.2
66
9.8
42
15.8
35
12.6
77
14.2

Total
341
100
331
100
672
100
265
100
278
100
543
100

I used the 96 items questionnaire regarding the family functions. Internal

consistency of the questionnaire on the scales used on the sets of items was
estimated by reliability analysis, using Cronbachs coefficients and when it was
appropriate, the measurement scales have been modified. After conducting a
50 subjects pilot survey the final version of the questionnaire was decided on. In
the present study I shall take into account 5 items referring to infidelity.
The subjects have volunteered for the study, have been assured on the
confidentiality of their data and have received information regarding the objectives
of the research. The participants have been informed on the possibility they have
on retreating at any time, in any stage of the research and also signed a written
agreement on their participation. We used writing informed consent documents.
A major problem of studies delicate issue of sexual behaviour is that they
suffer from underreporting or over reporting (Andrews et al., 2008). In order to
avoid as much as possible the prestige reactions and to assure we receive answers
as adequate as possible we proceeded as following: the questionnaire has been
filled in by the participant himself/herself; the interviewer, graduates from the
Faculty of Medicine, Psychology or Sociology, of the same gender and of similar
ages with the respondents have interacted with each subject checking within an
interview the sensitive items related to the sexual behaviour. More than that, we
have reasons to believe the answers for these 5 items about infidelity are relatively
honest as they have statistically correlated in a significant manner with a p < 0.05
with the answers at other 4 items: age at the sexual life debut, the number of the
sexual partners, sexual satisfaction, and the perception of the importance of
infidelity compared to other deviations from a regular marital role conduct. The
statistic analysis has been done using the SPSS (SPSS Inc.) statistics programme.

The prevalence of sexual infidelity

215

3. RESULTS
3.1. TOLERANCE TO SEXUAL INFIDELITY

In the studied sample more than half of the subjects have reported they do
not agree at all with extramarital relationships. The level of agreement regarding
extramarital relationships differ statistically significantly according to gender (ChiSquare = 46.896; df = 2; p = 0.000), percentage of women who are, partly agree
and totally agree with sex outside the couple being smaller in women than in
men (Table no. 2).
Table no. 2
The level of agreement to extramarital sexual relationships according to gender
To what extent do you agree
with extramarital
relationships?
I do not agree at all
I partially agree
I totally agree
Total

Gender
Male
N
319
255
32
606

Female
N
%
434
71.3
163
26.8
12
2.0
609
100

%
52.6
42.1
5.3
100

Total
N
753
418
44
1215

%
62.0
34.4
3.6
100

Almost half of the respondents would separate from their partner if this
accidentally had an extramarital sexual affair. Womens tolerance to their partner
having an affair is higher than the mens (Chi-Square = 40.992; df = 3; p = 0.000).
The number of women accepting it is almost 2 times higher while the number of
women opting for separation is smaller than in men (Table no. 3).
Table no. 3
What would the subjects do in the hypothetical case
of their partners casual sexual infidelity according to gender
What would you do if your
partner had a sexual
relationship out of the couples
margins?
I would accept that
I would separate
I would ask him/her to chose
between me and the other person
Other situation, that is...
Total

Gender
Male

Total

Female

N
75
339
170

%
12.4
55.9
28.1

N
139
239
197

%
22.8
39.2
32.3

N
214
578
367

%
17.6
47.6
30.2

22
606

3.6
100

34
609

5.6
100

56
1215

4.6
100

The number of subjects that would separate from their partner if this had been
using to have sexual adventures is more than half. Womens tolerance to men
having sexual activities outside the couples margins is also more than mens (ChiSquare = 26.256; df = 3; p = 0.000). The option of accepting a repeated sexual
infidelity is also almost double at women compared to men (Table no. 4).

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Table no. 4
What would the subjects do in case of their partners repeated sexual activity according to gender
What would you do if your
partner SOMETIMES had a
sexual relationship out of the
couple margins?
I would accept that
I would separate
I would ask him/her to chose
between me and the other person
Other situation, that is...
Total

Gender
Male

Total

Female

N
64
363
163

%
10.6
59.9
26.9

N
118
288
183

%
19.4
47.3
30.0%

N
182
651
346

%
15.0
53.6
28.5

16
606

2.6
100

20
609

3.3
100

36
1215

3.0
100

Within the category Other situation that is... regarding their action ulterior
to their partners sexual infidelity, women provided responses such as: finding
solutions for surpassing the problem, psychologist, counselling, I would suffer
deeply, it happened and I accepted for the childs sake, my separation of myself
and my child to him in order to prevent ourselves from diseases and men supplied
responses such as: I would apply her a correction, death.
3.2. THE INCIDENCE OF SEXUAL INFIDELITY AND OPINIONS
ON THE CAUSES OF INFIDELITY

More than half of the subjects have reported they have never had any sexual
relationships outside the margins of their current couple. The number of women
that never engaged in sexual relationships outside their couples margins is
statistically significantly larger than the level of men doing as such. It is 1.64 time
larger (Chi-Square = 147.678; df = 4; p = 0.000) (Table no. 5).
Table no. 5
The frequency of reported sexual infidelity according to gender
Gender
Have you ever had sexual
relationships outside the
Male
Female
couple margins
N
%
N
%
Never
303
50
499
81.9
Accidentally
34.8
15.1
211
92
From time to time
59
9.7
13
2.1
Several times
29
4.8
2
0.3
It is not the case (he/she did 4
0.7
3
0.5
not start his/her sex life)
Total
606
100
609
100

Total
N
802
303
72
31
7

%
66
24.9
5.9
2.6
0.6

1215

100

Mens and womens opinions regarding the causes of sexual infidelity

statistically significant differ with a sole exception that one of the causes is The
desire for power, for possessing, for conquering (Table no. 6). Out of the causes

The prevalence of sexual infidelity

217

of infidelity there are 4 that separate the most womens opinions to mens; women
tend to a larger extent to Totally agree that an extramarital relationship, infidelity
is related to: the need for an authentic communication, to be listened to and to
listen to veritably, unsatisfied emotional needs and a weak character and to a
smaller extent to the unsatisfied sexual needs.
4. DISCUTIONS

The results of the present survey indicates that fidelity is still a value for the
population of Romania, more than half of the respondents stated their disagreement
and their not having any sexual relationships out of the couples margins. With
respect to their disagreement with extramarital sex the opinions of the sample in
Romania is comparable to the ones expressed in other countries such as Hungary
(62%) Netherlands, Italy, Great Britain, Sweden (68 %) (Widmer et al., 1998).
Moral judgments in Romania support sexual exclusivity between husbands and
wives. There are some Romanian proverbs and sayings stating this fact: Fidelity is
happiness, You cannot use two boats in the same time.
Table no. 6
The distribution of opinions on the causes of infidelity according to gender
The extramarital relationship, infidelity
are related to
1

The level of
agreement

unsatisfied sexual needs (Chi-Square = Little agreement

6.363; df = 2; p = 0.042)
Partial agreement
Total agreement
the desire for power, for possessing, for Little agreement
gaining (Chi-Square = 3.462; df = 2; p = Partial agreement
0.177)
Total agreement
the need for authentic communication, Little agreement
to genuinely be listened to and listen
Partial agreement
(Chi-Square = 14.404; df = 2. p = 0.001) Total agreement
unsatisfied emotional needs (Chi-Square Little agreement
= 8.292; df = 2; p= 0.016)
Partial agreement
Total agreement
relationship deterioration and monotony Little agreement
(Chi-Square = 5.937; df = 2; p = 0.050 Partial agreement
Total agreement
the character of our species of having
Little agreement
more sexual partners (Chi-Square =
Partial agreement
14.455; df = 2; p = 0.001)
Total agreement
a weak character (Chi-Square = 14,035; Little agreement
df = 2, p = 0,001)
Partial agreement
Total agreement

Gender
Male
N
159
187
260
205
172
229
213
207
186
205
192
209
124
209
273
270
187
149
278
183
145

%
45.0
49.3
53.8
47.2
48.9
53.4
49.7
57.3
43.8
53.1
53.2
44.7
43,7
52.6
51.1
44.5
56.3
54.0
53.3
53.4
41.4

Female
N
%
194
55.0
192
50.7
223
46.2
229
52.8
180
51.1
200
46.6
216
50.3
154
42.7
239
56.2
181
46.9
169
46.8
259
55.3
160
56,3
188
47.4
261
48.9
337
55.5
145
43.7
127
46.0
244
46.7
160
46.6
205
58.6

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The question being of a generic nature and not referring to ones own
behaviour, it is worth to be mentioned the higher number of women answering
total disagreement to the question referring to the extramarital sex. We cannot
know if the respondent has evaluated his/her situation related to the extramarital
sex or to his/her partners. It looks like a contradiction if you consider the lower
number of women opting for a separation from their partners if infidel. We may
ask ourselves the question: how is it that although the number of men expressing
their disagreement with infidelity is smaller than the number of women expressing
the same thing, the number of men separating from an infidel woman, cheating on
him, is higher. We would rather consider the respondents referred to their own
behaviour when they were asked if they agree with sexual relationships outside the
couples margins. This way, one might explain the higher number of women
disagreeing with the extra martial sex and of the ones that would accept it.
Although they do not agree with the extra marital sex, paradoxically, women would
accept their partners extra marital sex, that is a reflection of the feminine learnt
traditional script.
For men, situation is the opposite; although to a larger extent agreeing with
the extramarital sex, they would separate if their partner cheated on them.
According to the male script it is by default and natural that men to be accepted
their infidelity, men are allowed to cheat while women are not. We may see it is a
patriarchal cultural script perpetuated over generations.
The roots of the double standard in the evaluation of mens and womens
behaviour are found in all religious writings: Wives, you should address to your
husbands as to your Lord (Noul Testament al Domnului Nostru Isus Hristos,
Epistola Sfntului Apostol Pavel ctre Efeseni 5:22, p. 246). And thus, you wives,
be submitted to your husbands (Noul Testament al Domnului Nostru Isus Hristos,
ntia Epistol soborniceasc a lui Petru, 1 Petru 3:1, p. 293). More than that, it
does not matter if the husband is unfaithful or physically abuses her, she must obey
You servants, be submitted with all fear not only to the kind and gentle but also to
those hard to please. Of course mans violent behaviour is criticised but
submission to him is also required as Christ also when he was mocked he did not
mock back; when he was tortured he did not threat but submit to the righteous
Judge (Noul Testament al Domnului Nostru Isus Hristos, ntia Epistol soborniceasc a lui Petru, 1 Petru 2:18, 21, p. 292).
Although modernity brought an interpreting in a moderate key of these
religious writings, nevertheless the excessive century lasting interpretation of
specific fragments describing only womans submission to her husband generated
gender inequality in all domains; this is a specific aspect which is difficult to turn
into a natural perspective.
Nevertheless shall we notice that in the Bible woman is described as a
businesswoman, She thinks of buying a land and she obtains that; out of the

The prevalence of sexual infidelity

219

work of her palms she plants vineyard; she makes shirts and belts and sells them to
the traders. They also say how man and children should behave with such a
partner or mother: Her sons come to make her happy and her husband prays her:
Many girls have a good behavior but you outshine all of them (Biblia sau Sfnta
Scriptur, Pildele sau Proverbele lui Solomon 31:16, 24, 28, 29, p. 663). These last
saying have been less stressed by society.
Another aspect that necessitates a debate is men feeling the need to physically
punish the unfaithful wife while women would seek solutions at a psychologist.
With respect to the almost 3 times larger ratio of men having sexual
relationships out of the couples margins we appreciate, as other authors also, that
we find ourselves facing complex aspects of both a biological and a cultural nature.
Women being more constant in relationships than men has been explained by
the Evolutionist Theory: in order to be good men may apply a more varied range of
strategies than women who are constrained by pregnancy (Pinker, 2005).
Some men justify sex outside the couples margins as a strictly physical
contact, as a biological need and, as a result, they do not question their respecting
their wives. They consider having sex with another woman doesnt necessary mean
leaving his wife. It may be only an occasional, accidental situation (Bertone et al.,
2009).
Despite all these, our survey indicates men tend to a larger extent to separate
from their unfaithful partner if she would accidentally or as a rule have extramarital
sex. This is not a contradictory result but it rather indicates the continuation of a
cultural script that is more permissive with men having extramarital sex. Thus,
young men are encouraged to lose their virginity and to have as many sexual
partners as possible as a sign of masculinity and manhood. As a transition ritual.
Contrary to that girls are encouraged to postpone as much as possible the moment
of their first sexual act, to have a small number of partners as a proof of seriousness
and obedience.
Hide finds in her study that 72% of women are bothered by the double
standard used in assessing men and women with respect to their sexual behaviour.
Therefore, it is considered that a man sleeping with many lovers is spreading his
seed, while women in the same position are considered prostitutes or nymphomaniacs (Shere, 2008, p. 479).
Both sexual scripts and practices are different not only from the cultural
perspective but also according to gender and age groups therefore they can be
submitted for further negotiation and reinterpretations. For example, masturbation
may be centered on building manhood in adolescence while this may become
adjacent in case of adult men. Communities of practices for the continuous construction and reproduction of hegemonic manhood have their main origin in the
homo-social context (Flood, 2008).
Wiedermans study states the differences according to gender, men reporting
to a larger extent the extramarital sex but do not find gender differences in lifetime

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10

incidence of extramarital sex among respondents younger then 40 years of age

(Wiederman, 1997). The present study indentifies the differences of a statistic
value for age groups before and after the age of 40.
Taking into consideration the opinions on the causes of infidelity we may
observe women tend to appreciate more the authentic communication, the
unsatisfied emotional needs as causes of infidelity. This is what Shere Hide
observes in her interviews.
The sexual revolution in the 1960s states it is old fashioned to combine sex
and feelings. Marriage, monogamy, love and even tender feelings were regarded as
of a neurotic nature. Un-stringed sexual intercourse was encouraged only for the
physical pleasure. During the 1980s there is a new trend encouraging the way
back to the basics militating for love and marriage. The Hide study indicates most
women want sex accompanied by feelings and only few of them want sex in casual
relationships (Shere, 2008).
Taking into consideration opinions on the causes of infidelity we may
observe men tend to a larger extent to appreciate the unsatisfied sexual needs as a
cause of infidelity. This shows as in other studies also that men with a phallic
education have a simpler vision on extramarital sex and consider their partners
extramarital affairs as a sign of the diminishing of their sexuality (Bertone et al.,
2009).
Lise Eliot argues that biological gender differences are minor and socialization is a much greater force creating a gendered world. Yes, men and women are
different but the environment offers a shape and stresses theses differences. While
for demonstrating the differences regarding abilities for mathematics or the one for
reading more subtle analyses are necessary, in order to signal the social and
emotional differences in men and women, things are more simple. These
differences are modest in early childhood and amplify constantly as girls and boys
separate in two different cultures (Eliot et al., 2009; Liberman, 2006; Young et al.,
2006).
The environment, via parents, teachers, peer groups, strengthens these biological differences. The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus
(Gray, 1998) would better be formulated as Men Become from Mars and Women
Become from Venus. Men and women come from the same planet but they
become as if different planets by the perpetuation of gender stereotypes.
Little boys are told from an early age Shut your mouth. You speak as much
as a girl afterwards, when they become lovers, partners, husbands they are
reproached not communicating and not being affectionate. More than this active
type of learning there is a passive one also through which boys and girls learn how
to love, how to ease suffering and how to sustain the other. This is first learned at
their own parents.
Neuroscience researchers have discovered our interpersonal lives are
governed by our limbic system considered the physiological centre of emotions

11

The prevalence of sexual infidelity

221

(paleocortex); the limbic structures such as the hypothalamus, the hypocamp and
the amygdale are different according to gender. If this is so, knowing the limbic
system is one of the most elastic and modifiable structures, taking into
consideration the minus in expressing affection in men a greater need in women
maybe it would be advisable not to enforce even more these differences of a
biological nature. A great part of couple issues would be reduced. More than that it
is more and more admitted that together with the intellectual abilities, the
communication ones are equally important.
Boys are told from an early age why do you moan like a girl or big boys
dont cry and this way they learn to hide their feelings and when they become
lovers, partners or husbands they are reproached not being affectionate. This men
code pushing them to the repression of feelings may be the cause of violence and
the abuse of drugs and alcohol. I clearly mention here I am talking about the
expression of affection within a couple of both men and women and that any
excess on either side within the family and outside the family may be an
impediment. I plead for mens possibility to express their emotions in a safe
environment.
The larger extent to which men appreciate the unsatisfied sexual needs as
cause of infidelity has a certain biological fundament together with a cultural-social
one. With respect to sexual attraction the differences between men and women are
more obvious compared to other aspects such as empathy or the cognitive abilities.
The androgen hormones and the testosterone mostly are known to sexually
stimulate the adults and adolescents. The hypothalamus is the brain area that
controls the reproductive behavior and the area with the highest density of sexual
receptors out of all the cerebral areas. Specific differences have been clearly
noticed between men and women at the hypothalamus level. Two small protuberances in the thalamus area, together with the amygdale are involved in
excitation and the sexual impulse, are higher in men (Lippa, 2005; Chung et al.,
2002; Giedd et al., 1999). But even the high sexual activity so obviously related to
hormones is strongly moulded by peer groups in adolescence and the pressure the
environment puts through gender stereotypes (Finkelstein et al., 1998).
5. CONCLUSION

Romanians still value fidelity within the couple. The difference between men
and women regarding infidelity are determined by a series of factors, at least at the
biological and cultural level, reflecting a double standard in assessing sexual
behaviour that offers a higher tolerance in the extramarital sex in men.
Women tend to a higher extend not to agree with infidelity, to accept the
partners infidelity, not to divorce and also they had to a smaller extent extramarital
sexual relationships. Other modalities of managing or to react to partners infidelity
are dialoguing, and visiting a psychologist as proposed by women and physical

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punishment as proposed by men. One can also notice differences according to

gender relating to the causes of infidelity. Women consider to a larger extent that
the need for communication, the unsatisfied emotional needs are causes of
infidelity while men consider to a larger extent that unsatisfied sexual needs are the
main cause of infidelity. We also notice women connect infidelity to a weaker
character while men to the couple monotony.
The present study may be useful for both the non-specialist large public and
to the couple psychotherapists and counsellors alike. Most often, people cheat to
fulfil their needs that lack in their couple seeking for their fulfilment out of the
couples margins. The womens need of communicating and affection to be
fulfilled by men is clearly stated. It is also mentioned the mens need for
spontaneity and creativity within the sexual activities that appreciated to a larger
extent that depreciation and monotony of the relationship may be a cause of
infidelity, these being aspects women to take into account in their personal
development. A safe psychological attachment and a high degree of motivation in
commitment decrease the risk of an unfaithful behavior as a result of assessing the
costs and the losing of the initial investment.
In a relationship where fidelity is valued and there is also a commitment
related to it, finding your partner has been unfaithful cannot leave one indifferent.
The reaction to infidelity depends very much to the personal limits. For some a
single adventure is intolerable and they will divorce. Other individuals are available for
forgiving considering how strongfully his/her limits have been surpassed this
reflecting in: the level of intensity to which infidelity is felt, its frequency and
duration. It is advisable all these limits between partners to be priory well
established. Couples who agree with extramarital sex from the beginning of their
relationship may not have big difficulties with infidelity. There are situations in
which just an admirative look to be a reason for abandonment, punishing or
suffering.
The obsession for fidelity may be as damaging as the total lack of interest on
partners sexual life. In order to be functional a relationship needs secure basis.
Successful couples depend to a large extent to the harmonizing of the 3 main
components of our beings that we experiment within our relationships: the
instinctive voice (fundamental sex), the social voice (norms and education) and the
voice of our reasons (the consequences) (Prior et al., 2006)
Primit n redacie la: 11.VI.2012
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REZUMAT
Cu toate c este n mare msur dispreuit i este un factor major al disoluiei i insatisfaciei
maritale, femeile i brbai se angajeaz n infidelitate. Datele acestui studiu au fost colectate n 2011.
Eantionul, 1215 subieci, nereprezentativ statistic, are o distribuie omogen pe gen, mediu de
reziden, grupe de vrst (1874 de ani). S-a utilizat un chestionar cu 96 de itemi privind funciile
familiei, acest articol abordnd 5 itemi despre infidelitate. Analiza statistic s-a realizat prin
programul SPSS. Rezultatele arat c 62% dintre subieci nu sunt ,,deloc de acord cu infidelitatea
sexual. Circa jumtate ,,s-ar despri de un partener care ar avea relaii sexuale n afara cuplului.
66% au raportat c niciodat nu au avut relaii sexuale n afara cuplului. Dezacordul este mai mare la
femei dect la brbai (71,3 vs. 52,6%). Ponderea femeilor care ar accepta infidelitatea sexual este de
aproape dou ori mai mare. Ponderea femeilor care nu s-au angajat n relaii sexuale n afara cuplului
este mai mare dect a brbailor (81,9 vs. 50%) (p = 0,000). Femeile tind n mai mare msur s lege
infidelitatea de nevoia de comunicare, afectivitate, i de ,,un caracter slab, iar brbaii de ,,nevoi
sexuale nesatisfcute (p < 0,05). n concluzie, romnii valorizeaz fidelitatea n cuplu. Dublul
standard de a judeca comportamentul sexual perpetueaz tolerana mai mare a societii privind
infidelitatea brbailor. Cel mai adesea, persoanele neal pentru a-i ndeplini nevoile care le lipsesc
n relaia lor cutnd satisfacerea lor n afar, nevoi care par a fi diferite la brbai i la femei.