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5CommonDisciplineMistakesParentsMake
From: IslaamInfo(info@islaaminfo.com)
Sent: Wednesday,February18,20159:23:29AM
To: nasirfahim85@hotmail.com

5CommonDisciplineMistakesParentsMake

Wecanallprobablyspurtoutalistofmistakesourparentsmadewithuswhenwewere
young.Forsomereason,faultsareoftenmorememorableandvividthanthenumerous
sacrificesourparentsmadeforus.

Eventhoughasparentswewillmakemistakesnowandthenwhenraisingourchildren,its
helpfultoknowwhichmistakesweshouldtrytoavoidwhentryingtoraisethemuptobegood
Muslims.Hereare5disciplinemistakestoavoidwhendirectingyourchildtowardproper
behavior.

1.Gettingenragedwhendisciplining.
Oneofthebiggestmistakesparentsmakewhendiscipliningtheirchildrenisgettingenraged
whencorrectingthem.Expressingyourragewhendiscipliningyourchildisproblematicfor
severalreasons.First,itdirectsyourchildsattentionawayfromhismistakeandcauseshimto
focusonyourwrath,instead.Theobjectofdisciplineistoguideyourchildtowardproper
behaviorforboththeshorttermaswellaslongterm.Ifyourchildismoreworriedabouthow
youwillreactinyourangerratherthanwhathedidthatwaswrong,heisunlikelytobenefit
fromyoucounselorchoiceofdiscipline.Rather,hewillbecomeirritatedhimselfandresentful.
Thisdoesntmeanthechildwontcomplyintheshortterm.Tothecontrary,manychildren
respondtoanangryparent.Whatitdoesmeanisthatthelessonyouaretryingtoteachmay
notsinkin.Itmightevengetlostcompletelydependingontheextentoftheangershown.
Whendisciplining,youwantyourchildtobehavenotonlyimmediately,butevenwhenyoure
notaround,aswell.Respondingtoyourchildsmisbehaviorwithshoutingandaggression
doesnothelphimlearntoselfmanagehisbehavior.Itmerelyteacheshimhowtorespondto
youwhenyoureangry.
Thesecondproblemwithexpressingangerwhencorrectingyourchildisthatitprovidesthe
opportunitytobeexcessivewhenpunishing.Thiscanleadtoabusingyourchild.Oftentimes
whenaparentisangry,sheventstheangerontoherchild.Shedoesthisbyusinghurtful
wordsorbycorrectingwithexcessiveandharshsmacking.Toeffectivelydisciplineyourchild,
tryyourbesttoavoidcorrectingthemwhenangry.
Accordingtohadith,TheProphet(SallallaahuAlaihiWaSalaam)hassaid:Whoso
suppresseshisrage,whilehehasthepowertoshowhimself,Allahwillcallonhimon
thedayofresurrectionbeforeallcreation,andrewardhimexceedingly.(Tirmidhi)
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2.ComparingChildren
Oneoftheleasteffectivewaysofachievingcompliancefromyourchildisbycomparinghimto
hisbrotherorsister.Muhammadalwaysdoeshishomework,whydontyoueverdoyours,
Jamal?
Theproblemwithcomparingyourchildrenisthatratherthancausingthechildtowantto
comply,itmakeshimresentfuloftheotherchildandyou.Siblingrivalryiscommonbetween
children.Therearemanyfactorswhichcontributetosuchquarrelsomebehavior.Comparing
childrentooneanothercanacceleratedisagreementsbetweensiblings,whichonly
contributestoadditionaldisciplineproblemsinthehousehold.
Insteadofcomparingchildren,abettermethodwouldbetorewardandcomplementthechild
whenheperformsasdesired.Thisismorelikelytocausethechildtorepeatthedesirable
behavior.

3.DoasIsaynotasIdo.
Demandingofyourchildrenwhatyoudonotdoyourselfisboundtoresultinfailure.Parents
aretheirchildrensfirstrolemodels.Evenolderchildren,whomodelaftertheirpeers,continue
tolookuptotheirparentsforexemplarbehavior.IfMomisntmakingFajrregularly,whydoes
sheexpectmetomakesalatontime?yourchildmightponder.Beingaparentisan
enormousresponsibility.Animportantpartofparentingisbeingthetypeofpersonthatyou
encourageyourchildtobecome.
Ofcoursenoparentisflawless.AndthisisOK.Infact,periodsoffailurecanbealearning
experienceforyourchild.Letyourchildseeyoutakeresponsibilityforyourerrorsapologize
toothersinyourfamilywhenyouknowyouvetreatedthemimproperly.Thiswillgiveyour
childanexampleoftheproperwaytocorrecthismistakeswithfamilyandfriends.

4.Notrespectingyourchild
AsMuslims,wehaveanengrainedunderstandingthatchildrenshouldobeytheirparents.
AllahtellsusinQuranaboutbeingkindtoourparents.TheProphetMuhammad(Sallallaahu
AlaihiWaSalaam)hasinstructedustobeespeciallykindtoourmother.Achildwhoisnot
respectfultohisparentsiscertainlybehavinginawaythatiscontrarytoourreligion.
Butnotonlyshouldchildrenbeobedientandkindtotheirparents,..parentsshouldalsobe
kindtotheirchildren.TheProphet(SallallaahuAlaihiWaSalaam)hassaid:Heisnotof
uswhodoesnothavemercyonyoungchildren,norhonortheelderly.(Tirmidhi)
Wheninteractingwithourchildrenandevenwhencorrectingthem,weshouldremembertobe
gentleandkindwiththem.Peoplearemoreinclinedtopleasingthosetheyhaveapositive
relationshipwith.Speakinginacalm,respectfultonetoyourchilddoesnotconveyasignof
weakness.Tothecontrary,itletsthemknowthatyouareindeedincontrolnotonlyofthe
situationbutalsoyouremotions.

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5.Expectingperfection
Often,whenwecatchourchildmisbehaving,wewonderwhyhesactinginsuchan
unpleasantway.Wemustrememberthatnoneofusisperfect.Wearent,andneitherareour
children.ItcanbehelpfultorememberthatwewantAllahTa'alatobemercifulandpatient
withuswhenwemakemistakes.Weshouldtrytoenactthesesamevirtueswhenmanaging
ourchildren.Whenweacceptthefactthatourchildrenwillerranddisappointusattimes,this
helpsusacceptthemasfalliblehumansandnotviewthemassimplybadchildren.Weare
heretoguideourchildrentobeGodfearingMuslims,buttheyhavetheirownmind,desires,
andtemperamentitsnoteasytoavoidsneakingintothecookiejarforonemoreofMoms
deliciouschocolatechipcookies.
Patienceshouldbeourmottowhendiscipliningourchildren.Thiswillhelpusacceptthose
disappointingtimeswhenourchildrendontliveuptoourexpectations.Itwillalsohelpus
becomeamoresuperiorparenttohelpusavoidthe5commondisciplinemistakesparents
make.

Author:GrandmaJeddah

FurtherReading

Ifail.IknowIfail.
HadithaboutaPiouslifepartner
TheVirtuesOfRecitingSurahKahf

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