Amalia Striker

Introduction
During World War II, America and Canada had many of their men overseas. They had to find
new ways to support their troops and fill the gaps of the men who were not home to work. As a
result of the shortage of men, women began working and faced many difficulties as they forged

Commented [1]: You did a remarkable job with your

hook by including the historical context of inequalities
that women encountered in earlier times. Not only did
you give a brief historical background, but you
mentioned that women today are STILL not receiving
the same rights as men. You did a good job clarifying
this stance along with specific examples that
demonstrate that. Good job!

the way for many changes in their world. Women faced ridicule, harassment, degradation, wage
gaps, and opportunity gaps. From a young age girls are taught that they are to be quiet and shy,
and to not take one masculine hobbies and skills. A girl who steps over the metaphorical line
can be outcasted, or ridiculed mercilessly. Many of my sources have a showing of the
inequalities of availability for women to be hired and work up to higher level positions are lower
than a white mans.
The television series Bomb Girls sets a wonderful example of the women of the time
making their world exactly what they want it to be, they are hardworking and determined to
show that they are worthy of the same respect the men receive.

Commented [2]: I really liked how, even though it may

be in the show, you used your prior history knowledge
here. I think that some of these things still take place
now-a-days. I also like that you listed some of the
things that solely Women were faced with to really
bring your first paragraph together. (Radha P.)
Commented [3]: Are you talking about back then or
now? It would add some clarity if you stated the time
period that women grew up thinking this way. It can
add even more background info as well as clarity on
your paper. (Val)
Commented [4]: This sentence is a bit hard to
understand. Rewording it can bring some clarity to the
reader. Also adding some details about how this
situation affects women can add more information to
you paper as well as more background knowledge.
(Val)
Commented [5]: State the time, again like my previous
comment it will help with clarity.

Women truly changed the world for themselves, though they still have to fight for their
equality today. Adding to the conversation, women started as just the homemakers and children
raisers. The women who fought for their right to work would not end the fight now. There are
still many inequalities to women including wage gaps and ability to rise in the corporate ladder.
There is still a favoring of the white male. Jobs are still labeled as Womens work based on the
tasks of the job Women are still taught from a young age that they have different job set from
men. Women are still taking a job that is equivalent to a man's and are still getting paid less for
that same work. This fight for women is far from over.

Commented [6]: This hook that you have put here is a

really good way to keep the attention of the reader. The
fact that this is a great way to both end your Intro.
section and begin your Literature review section. This
sentence is a really good way to keep your subsections
flowing! (Radha P.)

Literature review
The gender and race bias in the workplace is largely caused by stereotyping (A natural human
process of generalization to help humans decipher extremely complex situations quickly).

Commented [7]: Your literature review was very

cohesive in the sense that all the elements of the
sources that were included about women have tied
together well. I like how you included sources that
could resolve the issue of women avoiding the
stereotyping promotional system. I am looking forward
to how you will add into the conversation, good job!

Stereotyping is typically based on previous gender biases created, and the labeling of the type
of person to have a specific job.(Bielby, W. 2000) Women and minorities are less likely to
advance to positions of higher power. This shows cultural systems are creating favorability of the
white male. Even when black and white women hold jobs in higher level positions, female
employees receive significantly less work-related help than similarly situated white men.
(Elliott, J., & Smith, R. 2004) Relatively little research has been conducted to examine the
potential of the workplace to be used as a resource for women. Women make up more than 45%
of the total paid labor force, but little research has been conducted about benefits of work for
women. Instead the majority focuses on the stereotypical duties that women are being drawn
away from.In the sense of Silicon Valley law firms as a workplace, the creation of the firm and
the clients can really determine the possibilities of women being promoted to the highest
positions. Larger law firms tend to have less women as partners. These statistics Vary based on
region(Phillips, D. 2005)
The placement of new policies in the hiring and promotional systems of an organization can be
modified to allow candidates to share their traits that make them qualified without revealing
information that leave room open for these stereotypes and bias.
This difference could arise because network members are less likely to invest in furthering
professional women than (white) men, And can be a result of cultural beliefs that rank men
above women.(Ridgeway, C., & Correll, S. 2004)

Commented [8]: I like the fact that you are trying to

show that the workforce if a different place for women,
and different races of people but, I think that for the
sake of your argument, you should just talk about the
men vs. women issue and not the race issue. Having
race in this argument may take away the attention of
your topic at hand. Having one solid argument helps
keep things clear and effective. (Radha P.)

Entering the Conversation

The inequalities in the workplace are obvious in some cases, and less obvious in others. Obvious
inequalities could be a wage gap, the likelihood of a male getting a promotion over a female, and
the treatment of the women in forms of work-related help, or gender based discrimination. A
largely undetected form of inequality in the workplace and in society is the language usage.
Examples of this being things like you throw like a girl; dont be such a girl and other phrases
that just generally call anyone who is emotional or weak a female or female like. This use of
language very subtly makes women and the gender a joke, it makes them actually be considered
lesser, and it affects the way that women look at themselves and how women limit themselves
without even realizing it.
In the workplace, getting emotional can result in two things, a male being told he is being a
girlfor having these emotions, or a woman could be asked or presented with a joke about her
menstrual cycle and be asked if she is on her period. The unfortunate thing about these phrases
and jokes is that it sets the male gender above those who are not male.
Telling a women her emotions are invalid because she has a hormonal cycle is also limiting to

Commented [9]: I think you should also add a focus

on how the things you just stated can not only have an
effect on women but also on how society views women.
Most of the time the comments that you mentioned are
said but the people who say it don't really look at the
meaning behind it. Also state how this can have an
impact on children who are growing up hearing and
even saying these comments without thinking of the
actual meaning behind them. (Val)
Commented [10]: After stating this you should state
what this means. State what the issue is that your
trying to bring out. Put detail that is going to make the
reader make a connection to what you are writing
about such as examples and things. ( Val)

women. There are people actually believe that we could not have a female president because she
would have a mood swing and start a war. This is extremely limiting to women who work hard
to hold high level positions. women may limit themselves or other women because of these
things that are said. When someone is repeatedly told they are lesser in obvious or subtle ways,
they can begin to believe it. It can be worse when a child is raised to think unequally, or with
these sexist limiting phrases in their vocabulary, because it becomes a part of their moral
foundations, and their speech patterns. These can be harder to reverse these mindsets than if
someone has picked the phases up later in life.

Commented [11]: So are you saying that the language

and stereotypical phrases that are used on women the
blame for the their disadvantages in the work
environment? Wouldn't this also apply to obtaining high
level positions in society as well? Try to clarify your
focus on entering the conversation because I am
having trouble distinguishing whether stereotypical
phrases make women below in her work ONLY or
society in general.

Jokes about a womans personality and stereotypes that are made about women are harmful to
self esteem and self confidence. This can make women feel the best that they can do is stay at
home, or work in lower level positions. Some women are completely unaware of the issues they
face, and others are aware but compliant to the ways that have been created to keep women
inequal. Seeing a woman perpetuate the stereotypes placed upon women by making gender
biased jokes can make women feel more like this is true, as well as a woman seeing another fight
against these biases can make them feel more aware and willing to fight,
Men and women are taught to discriminate women in their language and behaviors everyday.
The only way to begin to change some of these cultural wrongs is to start small, and carefully
observe the phrases people use that have a potential gender bias. A small change, requesting that

Commented [12]: So are you trying to say that women

are discriminated all the time, no matter who the
offender is: a male, or a female? I, also, think that you
are not making any connections to the show that you
have chose to use in this project. I think that you should
use some of your sources to make connections to your
show.

a phrase is not said around you, telling someone the reasons that a joke can be considered biased,
and all around working to educate oneself and others can make a huge difference. When trying to
shift something like language, each small change will add up to one large victory. The work that
women put forward to make the world a better place can truly pay off. This is not a problem that
can be solved overnight, it takes a lot of patience and support of those around you.
Conclusion:
Women have come very far as they push for equality in their worlds, and the fight is far from
over. Women need to continue to stand for those who still cannot stand up for themselves, or for
those who are taught to be very sexist and shaming of other women.
Women are still paid less than a white male for doing the same work, and told they still cannot
achieve high level jobs or pay. They are still taught from a young age to down themselves and
other girls around them. Women still need to fight to end the things that are still being taught to
young girls. Even the smallest of actions can start a chain reaction of young women fighting for

Commented [13]: I felt that your entire argument about

how gender bias can affect women in obtaining a
higher level work positioned shifted to how they feel
about themselves in general. I understand how these
arguments would connect in terms of women's roles in
society in general. But my main problem with your
entering the conversation, was maintaining your focus
on women's role in the work environment. I suggest
sticking with one argument, or explain how their role in
the work force has affected their role in society
altogether.
Commented [14]: I felt that your conclusion was to
brief and to the point. Yes you have restated what your
stance was, but I would suggest for you to expand on
areas of research that would help resolve the issue of
getting belittled in society. You could also propose
areas of research that could help women specifically in
the work environment in general as well.
Commented [15]: Why should women stand for
people who downgrade them? I think that this comment
should be modified in a way that better explains what
you mean. Being an outside reader, I interpret that
sentence as though you are saying that women should
stand for people who belittle them and disavow them.
(Radha P.)

their equality. Small changes add up to create a very large impact on society.The future of
women and their true equality will be better achieved if women do not sit back quietly and wait,
society will not change on its own. Changing our language could be a huge part of making the
last few advances for women.

Commented [16]: I feel like in your conclusion you

don't really state a "so what?". I think that you need to
add for further research and for your reader to want to
do something about the topic you discussed. This will
really complete your conclusion. (Val)

Bibliography
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Elliott, J., & Smith, R. (2004, June 1). Retrieved October 1, 2015.

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October 20, 2015
Phillips, D. (2005). Organizational Genealogies and the Persistence of Gender Inequality: The
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