A Theory on Existence

-IIt was a place of solemn retreat, a realm or dimension of infinite skies in every direction.
It had just awakened, a being born of the gentle light to which it ascended from. It whizzed
around excitedly, it was free and happy. Well, when youre dimensionless in a place free from all
burdens, youre bound to be.
What am I? It asked as it looked around and up at the gentle light. What do you want
me to do? But there was no response from its creator, it just continued to pulse and pulse as
ripples went throughout the dimension. It felt comfortable, assuring, and familiar, just as a new
born baby is towards a mothers heartbeat. Well, whatever. Might as well do something like
WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Zoom and zoom it spun and tumbled around (not sure how one would
describe such movements in dimensionless space). On and on it jumped about being freer than
the birds in the sky, with the thrill so exciting that even sky diving and zip lining done together
(however impossible) couldnt come close.
For an indefinite amount of time this went on, and the soul was very, very happy. With
the gentle light constantly oscillating elation, what else was there to need? Until one day,
happiness was not as fulfilling as it used to be, because apparently ones imagination was limited
to being dimensionless. As much as company was concerned, a pulsating light coupled with
ones personal voice could only beg to agree by itself, lament byitself, and ponder by itself.
Then it thought: What if there could be another self? I wonder how that would be like.
How about it Light? It asked, and the gentle light just kept on pulsing that same old rhythm.
Oh well, it sighed, I might very well rest a while. When I awaken I will think of a way! Then

as it went deep into slumber, the gentle light starter to create waves and waves of brighter but
thinner light, ripples unto ripples until, all was bright for anything to be seen.
Hey, hey! A sharp voice called out, and then a giggle that was like a series of high
pitched nasal hiccups. Yet it was sweet to the ear, like the early morning chirps that make
mornings worth waking up to. Hellooo? Are you there?
UghhWh--what? It slurred, and suddenly it was confused and at the same time in
awe at what was there. It was another of its kind, but only this one was warmer, softer, anda lot
gigglier.
Lets go! The other said excitedly.
Where? I mean, what!? Wait just a minute! Still disoriented from the whole experience,
it was feeling a feeling it had never felt before. It was half-empty, or maybe half-full, who knows
for certain? I feelhow did you? I cant grasp it! Its driving me crazy! It panicked, spinning
around the dimension as if looking for something. Where did you put it!? WHERE!? It
frantically asked the other.
What do you mean? What are you looking for? The other asked puzzled.
Its -- gone! I dont know how and I dont know whats missing! I just, I need to find it!
Oh. I think I know.
What is it!? TELL ME!!
The light told me that I was born from a portion of you. So a part of you is in me! The
other said cheerily.
The light, spoke to you? It asked in disbelief. Never did it speak to me the whole
duration I was in here.

Ummm, maybe because you never bothered to go near it? There it was, and it came
like a bad comic book with a balloon that said SLAP! all over the page.
The realization produced confusion once again.Forget about that! Lets just be here,
need we ask for more?
The other made a good point, and it felt like the other really was a part of it. Like looking
at ones reflection, but seeing only a superimposed image. A different half, the same but
differentcomplementary! That was the right word for it, seeing now as how the other was like
that; it bred a desire to be with it. Suddenly understanding all of this made it happy again, no,
made it even happier than before! So together with the other they weaved around the dimension
like a pair of auroras on an autumn night sky.
Where are we going? It asked.
You havent spoken to the light yet right? So, lets speak with it!The other said
cheerfully. As they ascended upwards and closer to the gentle light, excitement and anxiety
stirred within. A thousand questions to be asked and always best to start with the most practical
ones. Pulsing ever steadily in a perfect rhythm, the light echoed warm and inviting as a parent
reaching out to its children.
Well, go ahead then. Urged the other.
Whatam I? I mean, are we? What are we meant to do here, and what are you
exactly? In that exact moment all questions were answered and more. A rush of images,
emotions, and memories emerged into the train of thought. Between it all, in every language
possible, were a couple of words: soul, man and woman, purpose, and creator.
Im a lady and youre a gentleman! She said, thrilled and giggly.

Man and womanoh whatever, I rather liked the sound of guy and girl better. It just
seems to fit in more with us. He said feeling somewhat relieved that his questions were now
answered. The understanding washed away all worries and uncertainty with tranquility from
knowing that everything was here. Even though a fragment of him was taken, it was perfectly
molded into a creation of beauty. All was well again.
Until a rift creaked into the dimension and the lady soul was being dragged in, and
panicked rushed into him again. He tried his best to hold on to her, but she eased her grip. The
last thing he ever heard was a whisper of a word she said. Love and then she vanished as
quickly as she had appeared, giggling till the last moment.
Emptiness. A surge of panic and rage followed as he whizzed around the dimension
screaming: WHY!? Why so soon!? He looked up to the light, questioning this sudden
occurrence which left him all alone once again. I must go after her! I must! Putting himself in
a state of intense concentration, he tried his best to sense where she was. After all, she was a part
of him, and him her. Then suddenly, darkness.
-IIWhen I awakened, there was this feeling most uncomfortable. My movements felt
sluggish, my vessel heavy, and the loss of the freedom I felt just moments before was
disheartening. But then the light, and for a moment there was hope. The light did not pulsate
gently, but instead shined brightly, so much so that it hurt my vision. No, this is not the realm I
came from. Where is this? What are these things I can see? This is so frustrating! What -- I can
feel something unpleasant in my vision, its getting blurry. I cant see and I cant speak! Help me
somebody!

I hear a voice. It feels as though its calling out to me, its gentle and her presence calms
me so. Her tone is so pleasant, could this be her? But then again, shes a whole lot bigger than I. I
think I might drift away with this calm, forget all this and make of whatever this is later.
After some time, years as they call it here, I learned many things about this world. We
are supposedly called humans and we each have names. Mines Elior, but folks just call me Eli.
The woman who lulled me to sleep was my mother, and she brought me into this world together
with my twin sister Eleisa. It took me a long time to get a hang of moving around this body, and
boy being a human is tiring. You have to eat, sleep, and excrete. On top of that, you have to move
your words from my brain to my mouth which is sometimes annoying. Oh how I miss being a
spirit, how freeing it was. Thats what they call it here, spirits. They also call the gentle light
God, and that He was everywhere and could hear everything! At first I thought the light was
that giant bright thing shining so brightly that it hurt my eyes to stare at it, but at night it would
go away and another would take its place but not always. I wish I could hear that giggle again,
well, everyone giggles but not just in the same way, and Ill never forget hers. I told my parents
that I have to find her, but they told me the world is vast and that there are many bad people out
there. So I should wait till Im all big and grown up so I can travel, but until then I should be
good and stay in school. At least thats what they told me.
Mom, Dad, whats love? I asked. At the same time they both stared at me shocked,
like they couldnt believe I could ask such a question. They looked at each other, and my Dad
just shrugged.
Um, dear, love is God and God is love. My Mom said, and immediately my Dad
followed up: Love is something we dont wholly understand son, but we feel it and know it in
our hearts.

Like the will of God! Mom said, as if in retaliation, staring at Dad.

An awkward silence passed.
This world is weird.
-IIIEli is just the son that any mother could ask for. At such a young age he already takes
good care of his sister. He even brings back flowers whenever he and his Dad go for a stroll in
the park. From the moment he was born I knew he was different, looking up at us with those
little curious eyes. But what I found very intriguing was when he told me of the light he had seen
before he was born, or before he was transformed into a human as he likes to say it. There was
this light, and that he had felt so free and happy there together with another soul. Normally I
wouldve easily dismissed it as a childs fantasy and just smile and say thats nice dear. But the
way he tells it and the look on his eyes says so otherwise. I believe he really did see God, who
am I to judge who God allows to see Him? So I did the one thing that I know would help my son
in his quest.
Where is this Mom? Eli asked.
This is the church dear. This is Gods house, where all of Gods people come together to
pray and worship Him.
Pray and worship? Whats that?
Praying is our way of speaking to God and worship is the things we do to please God
and make Him happy. I said smiling, and the way his face lit up with hope made me even
happier. Do you want me to teach you how to pray Eli?
Yes Mommy! Please teach me!
We bow down our heads and then put our hands together. Then we focus our hearts and
our minds on Him and then tell him what we want to say. As we knelt on the pews, he followed

diligently and begun to pray silently. I wouldve loved to listen to my sons first prayer but I had
prayers of my own. Afterwards he looked about searchingly, waiting for something.
Did God really hear my prayer Mom? He asked. Why isnt He talking back?
God speaks to us in mysterious ways Eli. We just have to be faithful and listen, when the
time is right youll see. Most of the time we just cant fathom His plans and wisdom, all we can
do is trust and believe.
Okay. I think even then He was like that. Tell me more Mom! I want to know more
about Him. Oh music to the ears of every parent! God guide me in teaching him His ways.
-IVSoul mate, thats what my brother is looking for. He even said hed seen his soul mate
even before he had crossed over to this world. What rubbish. I may be a girl but I dont really
believe in that kind of stuff. So much for princesses and barbies!
Eleisa. Eli said, finally coming back to earth.
What is it dear brother? I said sighing. It really throws me off sometimes that he just
pops out of the blue and goes philosophical like an old man from a retirement home. Oh well, its
not like he has many friends anyway.
Do you think it be possible that we are soul mates? The question shocked me, not only
that but the way he asked, so calm. Did my parents swap my brother for Pinoccio?
You know I really dont think much about that stuff bro. I replied, concealing my
shock. Life is what we make it and the rest, que sera, sera.
Haha. Youre right sister, as always. He smiled, finally some emotion! La
familiaestodo.
Right back at you bro. I said, going back to my blog.

Idealistic as he may be, and sometimes overprotective even, my brother has always been
there when I needed him. Hes there at the exact time and knows the exact things to do to cheer
me up. Its like a special bond, well they say thats normal between twins but this goes deeper
than finishing each others sentences. When one cries, the other cries too, but in our case when I
cry he comforts me like all the cares in the world just disappear. It made me think about what he
said, about us being soul mates, brother and sister. But then again, family IS everything. How I
wish I could do the same for him, because he always seems sodetached. He doesnt really have
a lot of friends, then again he rarely goes out with other people outside the family. Hes always
on the sidelines observing, thinking, absorbed by his thoughts in his own world.
Despite having our differences we have one thing in common with each other, the desire
to live life suicidal, or as other people say it: to the fullest. Hence our band name Children of
the Asylum, shredding and screaming and rocking our heads off to the music. We both did it for
the same reason, to feel the freedom that music brought to the soul. Eli said it somehow
reminded him of the freedom he felt before. And on Sundays, a different kind of soul music was
being played. We were also playing in the church band, kinda odd isnt it? It was Moms end of
the bargain; we could keep on rocking as long as we were playing for the church as well.
-VIThe snow falling softly from the sky, and the chill brought about the winter felt like a
comforting blanket upon a warm summer evening. Yes, it was the most wonderful time of the
year indeed, and as he hailed a taxi for me, he held me close and whispered: Merry Christmas. I
love you. I was stunned and awed at the same time, for the better part of the year we had been
best friends, and just when I thought this couldnt be anything more, he surprises me once again,
making my heart skip. All I could do was giggle and get in the taxi.
That was the day me and Eli became lovers.

It was my laugh he said that really drew him to me. At first I didnt know whether he
meant it or was making fun of me. For starters, I know I have an annoying laugh, its really high
pitched and nasal. People have even decorated their descriptions of it, from being like a toddlers
giggle to that of a foxs scream. But as time passed I came to realize that he really did enjoy the
sound of my laughter, there was just this look of his every time I started laughing and it just
made feel comfortable being myself.
But I never thought Id live to see Eli like this, empty, absent, and struggling to keep it
together. There he was, sitting, looking around for something to do to keep himself busy, taking
his mind away from the pain.
My deepest condolences. I said, taking his hand in mine.
Rosa, you shouldnt be here. He replied coldly.
I loved your mother Eli, she was a wonderful person. I really needed to be here to see
her one last time, and maybe youd need help too.
Youre pregnant, you should take it easy.
Rodricks with me. Anyway, youre the one who should take it easy. Have you even
shed tears for your mother yet? I began to cry, feeling sorry for him. He was very close to his
mother, and would often talk to me about her and how supportive she was of him and Eleisa.
I cant yet! Take a good look around you! My father seems to be drifting to another
place, and Eleisa cant stop crying! Frustrated as he was, still I think he was frustrated more at
the fact that he couldnt let himself cry and just let everything out. So I just drew him close and
wrapped my arms around him.
But were here for you now, everyones here to help you. I whispered softly. Just leave
it to us, your family is as much family to me you know. Slowly he began to wrap his arms

around me too and began to sob softly. Thats it, just let it all go. I said as reassuring as I could
despite crying myself. Thats right, this is the Eli I know, the sweet and sensitive and sometimes
unstable even. This is the man I love, the man I betrayed but loved me still.
You havent talked with her have you? I asked as soon as Eli began to stabilize.
Yes, I havent. I just cant, I dont want my last memory of her to be seeing her lifeless
in a box. Now that I think about it, he does have a valid point. If I was in his situation I might
have nightmares even of seeing my own mother in a coffin.
I understand. Lets justtalk about it okay? Do you want that? I asked. I know Eli
keeps things bottled up, and its only because he has few people he could really open up to.
Thankfully, Im one of those very few, and Id do anything I can for this family.
SheI wish He paused for a moment, frowned, and began crying again. I did the
best that I could to comfort him, then after a while he continued: I almost have my M.D. I wish
she couldve witnessed the success of her son. I wouldve wanted her to be with me on stage
again."
And we know she will be so proud of you and see you succeed beyond the heavens.
Despite her passing on ahead you know shed be smiling and would want you to continue on
your journey. Shes with our God now, and no one can deny the goodness of her soul. So cling on
to that, and see her one last time. See her at peace, and hold on to the promises of the next life.
You know what its like on the other side, doesnt that give you some measure of comfort?
He didnt answer. Just his usual expression that indicated that he was off somewhere deep
and absorbed by his thoughts.
My parents are soul mates right? He asked, finally breaking the silence.
Yes of course they are. I replied instead of: Really? THAT again!?

So do you think that maybe somewhere my soul mate has already died? Maybe even
killed herself? Its possible isnt it? I really wish I could dismiss the topic at hand because of
how absurd it sounded but he was really serious about it as always.
After some contemplation and consideration, I just gave a deep sigh and said: I really
dont know Eli.
It shouldve been you. He said underneath his breath. This is his way of saying did
you hear that? Maybe I wanted you to hear it or maybe I didnt. I just looked away and
pretended I didnt. I felt guilt and ashamed, because he was right, it should have been me. It all
goes back to where we were a year ago.
Thank you for today. I said smiling. It had been a wonderful day, and then a moment
passed. It was this kind of moment again when we would just hold each others gaze and lose
ourselves while our hearts raced and our breaths outpaced before we embraced. He held me like
he never did before and kissed me for so long that I lost track of time. This very I forever hold in
my heart as the moment when I felt most love in my life.
Forehead to forehead now, but still in each others arms. We both knew what we wanted
to do next, so I held him tighter and asked: So, my place? My sisters out for the weekend.
Eli smiled, cupped my face and said: You know I love you, and you know how many
times Ive wanted to make love to you but something
Always gets in our way! We both said together, I giggled, and saw that look in his eyes
again. I dont know Rosa, maybe theres a reason why something always gets in the way you
know?
After all thats happened today, and youre getting blue balls over whats going to
happen next? Its been a perfect day Eli! Let it be. I replied, irritated.

Exactly! Let it be! Yes, it has been a perfect day, so maybe what we do next might
decide whether we can have a perfect life together! He raised his voice, but there was no tone of
anger, he just wanted to make his case.
Gosh, I cant believe this! Okay, mister know-it-all! Im going home! Call you later
maybe.
Rosa wait, cant I at least take you home?
Nope, from the way I see it, well have another moment like this at our doorstep, and I
dont want to spoil it anymore than you do. So ta~!
On the way back to my place, I passed by some cops who were checking me out as
always. One of them, not that much older than me, approached me.
Hey girl, you need someone to walk you home? He said, trying to act all smooth.
Get lost. I said, not even looking back at him. I could hear his cop pals go all wooo! I
didnt hear his footsteps so I probably stunned him. Then, I turned around and did what was
probably the biggest mistake of my life.
Hey! I called. Wanna go to my place?
Snapping back to the present now, I really wanted to do something for Eli. He never even
argued with me even after what happened afterwards, how I slept with another man and how Im
carrying his unborn child. He was the first one I told, of course. I knew he was hurt then, but he
never ever blamed me or badmouthed me.
This baby will be born in a couple of months and I want you to be his godfather. I said,
trying to lighten up the mood with a bit of good news.
Okay. He replied plainly.

Suddenly a thud, then screams and gasps. Eleisa had fainted apparently from not eating
anything for days and crying for just as long.
ELEISA! Eli shouted, rushing to his sister.
-VIJust another day, just another loony; schizophrenia, multiple personalities, anxiety, the list
goes on. People call them crazy; while we are the ones who study the crazies, coz it takes one to
know one right? So what does that make us? Moreover, what does it make of society? Being that
the leading cause of such mental illnesses is society itself? Peer pressure, rejection, and other
traumatic experiences inflicted upon them by other human beings. Everyone has a breaking
point, and Ive seen many twisted and broken people that it takes a good dose of whiskey to shut
out the voices and obscure the faces.

-VIIWhy do people love travelling? Travel, while you still can. A lot of us say, and I would
say the same to others. What is it about moving to one place after another that makes it so
appealing? We all know that travelling costs some good measure of money, along with all the
hassles of packing, rushing, booking flights, picking a hotel, getting a passport and visa, the list
goes on. Not to mention the risk of crashing, getting lost or even abducted whilst on your
journey. So, what keeps us from staying still? The experience, the people, the stuff you can buy,
the food, and the people you meet are some benefits according to articles on travel. Well, if I
were to have my opinion Id say its all just a ruse to sell tourism! Hah! Yet, I believe that the
root of the desire to travel is planted in storytelling. People love to tell stories, its our most

primitive and effective method of communication. And a story is only as good as you can tell it,
that is probably why this girl visits me every other day.
Gruncle! Gruncle! She called, rushing towards me with her arms spread like an eagle.
Gruncle is a word she invented as you can already see, its just short for granduncle. After
giving her a hug I set her upon my lap as always and ask her: What story would you like to hear
today?
Ummmmy favorite one!
Whoa! That one again? But youve heard it for like the nth time! And dont you fool me,
I may be old but this brain is as healthy as it always was!
But thats my favorite! Please Gruncle?
Okay okay, as long as we get some ice cream together afterwards.
Deal!
Ill leave her to you Uncle. Thanks, as always, Ill come back later with your ice cream.
The grown man at the door said, and after saluting him, he smiled and left.
Bring Gruncles favorite flavor Daddy! My grandniece said. No reply, but then again
silence does mean yes in their family. I looked out the window, feeling the world around me and
retreating to my sacred place as I told her of her favorite story.
The setting sun gazed lazily beyond the horizon, blending shades of yellow and orange
over the canvass of the sky and boy was it a sight to behold! Peaceful days like these make
whats left of my life worthwhile. Suddenly, I felt it, that same sensation I had before I came to
this world. This is it! I am finally going back to the light, back to my creator, back to God.
I think Im finally going to rest one last time my dear. I said.

Is it time Gruncle? Are you finally going to go back to the place of the light? She asked
curiously.
Yes, I think today is the last day of your old Gruncles storytelling. I smiled the biggest
smile I could muster, I have never felt this peace and happiness in years.
Dont worry Gruncle, Ill never forget your stories, I promise! She said cheerfully.
Well then, you have a great life ahead of you dear Lorena. I said, then kissed her on the
forehead, I could feel my soul drifting away slowly as my body felt numb.
You have a great trip Gruncle! Im going to miss you! She was starting to cry now, and
then she embraced me with all her might. It was the last thing I ever felt.
I think I understand now, and I believe we make our own soul mates. That we want to be
the best for someone and that someone reciprocates that and in turn makes for a great
relationship that lasts. Not only for the one we marry, but for the other people around us let it be
friend or family. So therefore we have many soul mates in our lives and they are the people who
in their own way help fill little by little the void in our lives. We dont always have to seek that
one perfect person to make our lives whole, we just have to find how we can love our lives. I
see it, I see the light again! Oh how welcoming it feels, and it has been such a long, long time!
Then suddenlya giggle in the wind and a gateway opened.
Why didnt you find me dummy!? The voice said cheerily. Her voice.
Its HER! Shes still out there waiting! Another shot at life, to maybe this time get it right
and maybe perhaps even have a family? Why not!? Another life, another adventure awaits! Here
I go agaaaaaaaaain!