Life skills notes

EMPATHY
Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in
their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is known to increase prosocial (helping) behaviors. While
American culture might be socializing people into becoming more individualistic rather than empathic, research has
uncovered the existence of "mirror neurons," which react to emotions expressed by others and then reproduce
them.
IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY
Empathy is one of the most important aspects of creating harmonious relationships, reducing stress, and enhancing emotional awareness yet it
can be tricky at times. I consider myself to be quite empathetic, but notice that with certain people (especially those I dont like or agree with and
also with myself at times) and in particular situations, my natural ability and desire to empathize can be diminished or almost non-existent.I also
notice that when I feel empathy for others and for myself, I feel a sense of peace, connection, and perspective that I like. And, when there is an
absence of empathy in a particular relationship, situation, or in how Im relating to myself, I often experience stress, disconnection, and
negativity. Can you relate?
What is the difference between empathy and sympathy?
Both empathy and sympathy are feelings concerning other people. Sympathy is literally 'feeling with' - compassion for or commiseration with
another person. Empathy, by contrast, is literally 'feeling into' - the ability to project one's personality into another person and more fully
understand that person. Sympathy derives from Latin and Greek words meaning 'having a fellow feeling'. The term empathy originated in
psychology (translation of a German term, c. 1903) and has now come to mean the ability to imagine or project oneself into another person's
position and experience all the sensations involved in that position. You feel empathy when you've "been there", and sympathy when you
haven't. Examples: We felt sympathy for the team members who tried hard but were not appreciated. / We felt empathy for children with asthma
because their parents won't remove pets from the household.

Empathy
Definitio Understanding what others are feeling because you have experienced it
n
yourself or can put yourself in their shoes.
"I know it's not easy to lose weight because I have faced the same
Example
problems myself."

VALUES OF EMPATHY
1.

Builds the relationship

2.

Stimulates self-exploration

3.

Checks understanding

4.

Provide support

5.

Assissts communication

6.

Focus attention on the client

How to show empathy to children

Sympathy
Acknowledging another person's emotional hardships and
providing comfort and assurance.
"Trying to lose weight can feel like a uphill battle at first."

1. Start with safety and security. Fear interferes with the development of empathy. Learn to set limits in the home or classroom with respect and
love.
2. Regular family or classroom routines build a sense of predictable security for children. Well-established routines also help children practice
self-regulation skills.
3. Self-regulation skills are the foundation for empathy. By learning to calm themselves, regulate emotions, delay gratification, persevere, and
stay focused on the right things, children develop the skills which allow them to look beyond themselves.
4. Model empathy. Notice the lives of others. Talk about your experiences practicing empathy, and about the times you forgot to act with
empathy.
5. Tell stories that help kids see the world from the perspective of others.
6. Read great childrens literature with your kids. Great books draw children into the lives of the characters and help them learn to see the world
differently. If you want your children to be intelligent,Albert Einstein once said, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent,
read them more fairy tales.
7. Notice your childrens feelings. Talk about these feelings. Help children learn to use words to describe their inner experiences.
8. Relationships matter. Help kids build relationships which inspire them to trust and care for others.

Assertiveness
Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive. In the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it is a
learnable skill and mode of communication. Dorland's Medical Dictionary defines assertiveness as: "a form of behavior characterized by a
confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either
aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's
rights or point of view".[1]

12 CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE PEOPLE

1.

Use feeling-talk. You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral
terms, You say "I like this soup" or "I love your blouse" rather than "This soup is good," You can use the phrase "I feel" or
"I think" when it is appropriate.

2.

Talk about yourself If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it, you don't
monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.

3.

Make greeting-talk. You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound
pleased to see them, you say, Well, Hello! How good to see you again" rather than softly mumbling "H'lo" or nodding
silently or looking embarrassed.

4.

Accept compliments. You can accept compliments graciously ("Yes, I like this shirt, too") rather than disagreeing with
them ("Oh, this old thing?"). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.

5.

Use appropriate facial talk. Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are
conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

6.

Disagree mildly. When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You
can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or
changing the topic of conversation.

7.

Ask for clarification. If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to
restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, "Your directions were not
clear to me. Would you please go over them again?"

8.

Ask why. When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, "Why do you
want me to do that?"

9.

Express active disagreement. When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your
disagreement by saying things like "I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is. . ." or "I think your opinion leaves
out of consideration the following factors. . ."

10. Speak up for your rights. You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently
without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say, "I was next
in line," or "Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now," or "Please turn down your radio,"
or "You're half an hour late for our appointment." You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.
11. Be persistent. If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party
until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no's to cause you to give up.
12. Avoid justifying every opinion. In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the
questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, "That's just the way I
feel. Those are my values. I don't have to justify everything I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying
why you're disagreeing with me so much."
Other important characteristics of assertive people
They have confidence in themselves. In order to be assertive, you need to know what your boundaries are; what you like
and what you dont like. Many people who struggle with assertiveness will allow others to make decisions for them, so when I ask
Whats your favorite food? they honestly dont know. If this sounds familiar to you, this is a great opportunity for self-exploration.
Look at things around you and begin forming an opinion; are you interested in an activity because you are genuinely interested in
participating in it on your own or are you engaging in it because everyone else is?
They respect the opinions of others. Assertive people feel confident about their opinions and beliefs, but dont feel its
necessary to insult or degrade another persons opinions. Someone may feel very strongly about abortion laws; an assertive person
can disagree and share their opinions about the issue without insulting that persons stance.
Assertive people have the ability to validate others feelings. A person may express the following Youre stupid for
getting mad about this. Rather than minimizing the persons experience, an assertive person may say I understand you are
frustrated with me, but Im standing firm on my decision. People often want to feel they are understood.
Assertive individuals are good listeners. Often times when I work with couples and families in session, they are so focused
on how they will respond to the other person that they stop listening to what is being said. As a result, neither party ends up feeling
heard. Assertive behavior includes being an active listener; behavior which includes good eye contact, not interrupting when the
other person is talking, and reflecting back what was just said to confirm the information was heard correctly.
Problem solving and compromise. Another key trait to assertiveness is the attempt to compromise in a situation. Not
everyone gets everything they want when engaging in a compromise, but some needs are met for all parties involved. Compromise
shows that the other persons needs have been heard and this is the attempt at providing a solution that all can be content with.

10 steps for being assertive-----Being assertive means being direct about what you need, want, feel or believe
in a way thats respectful of the views of others. Its a communication skill that can reduce conflict, build your selfconfidence and improve relationships in the workplace.
Here are some tips to help you learn to be more assertive.
1.

Make the decision to positively assert yourself. Commit to being assertive rather than passive or
aggressive and start practising today.

2.

Aim for open and honest communication. Remember to respect other people when you are sharing
your feelings, wants, needs, beliefs or opinions.

3.

Listen actively. Try to understand the other persons point of view and dont interrupt when they are
explaining it to you.

4.

Agree to disagree. Remember that having a different point of view doesnt mean you are right and the
other person is wrong.

5.

Avoid guilt trips. Be honest and tell others how you feel or what you want without making accusations or
making them feel guilty.

6.

Stay calm. Breathe normally, look the person in the eye, keep your face relaxed and speak in a normal
voice.

7.

Take a problem-solving approach to conflict. Try to see the other person as your friend not your
enemy.

8.

Practise assertiveness. Talk in an assertive way in front of a mirror or with a friend. Pay attention to your
body language as well as to the words you say.

9.

Use I. Stick with statements that include I in them such as I think or I feel. Dont use aggressive
language such as you always or you never.

10. Be patient. Being assertive is a skill that needs practice. Remember that you will sometimes do better at
it than at other times, but you can always learn from your mistakes

IMPORTANCE OF ASSERTIVENESS
2. Be it your personal or professional life,being assertive can help you build andmaintain self-confidence in all
situations.However, assertiveness doesnt comenaturally to everyone and most peoplehave to learn this skill
through the lifeexperiences. Assertiveness is not justabout speaking your mind, but it is alsoabout how you speak
your mind.
3. It is about expressing your feelings,opinions and thoughts without beingdisrespectful to others and
withouthesitation. In simple words, assertivenessmeans, asking confidently for what youwant whilst being able to
politely say no towhat you do not want.
4. Why should you be assertive?Honesty and mutual respect are two keyelements that help sustain longtermrelationships. By being assertive, you arerespectful of yourself as well as the personyou are speaking with. On
the other hand,lack of assertiveness may lead to variousnegative consequences, such as emotionalwithdrawal,
resentment and eventually lossof relationship.
5. Basically, there are three communicationstyles; passive which means you keepyour feelings and thoughts to
yourselfand dont express yourself easily; andaggressive which means screaming oryelling at others to make a
point.Assertiveness is a midpoint betweenbeing passive and being aggressive.
6. How to be assertive in your relationshipFirst, you have to work on building your self-confidence. Remind
yourself of all yourpositive qualities and capabilities so you donot feel like you dont deserve a voice.Ask yourself
how should you handle thesituation, which is completely different fromhow you feel like dealing with it. Look for
thebest way to express yourself and remember,you do not have to necessarily sugarcoatwhat you want to say.
7. Try to focus on I statements instead ofyou, because usually the more times onesays You, the more
defensive otherperson becomes. For instance, I am upsetbecause I was expecting you for dinner,vs., You are not
reliable.Deal with the issue immediately rather thanallowing the frustration to build. If you waittoo long, it can
escalate emotions andspark heated response.
8. Dont bring up the past, and focus on onlyone issue at a time. Its not a good idea tooverwhelm the other
person with manyissues all at once.For more such helpful tips and advice onrelationships, please
visithttp://goo.gl/JEBzOFit4Success TeamMelina
Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behaviour
Many people believe that assertive and aggressive behaviour means the same thing. The first step in managing difficult people at work is to clear
up this confusion.
Aggression
The dictionary defines aggression as:

1) Any unprovoked attack.

2) An act or attitude of hostility, usually arising from feeling of inferiority or frustration.
Aggression whether physical, verbal, or psychological, is destructive to both self and others. Nobody enjoys a bully!
Aggression is an approach used to make you feel better by forcing your point of view on others, hurting their feelings, and building resentment
toward you. Every day educators intervene in student bullying situations. Yet these same individuals may allow themselves to be emotionally
devastated by a colleague who is treating them in exactly the same way.
Assertion
The dictionary defines assertion as:
1) A positive statement; declaration.
2) An insisting on ones right, a claim, etc.
To assert ones self means to put oneself forward; make oneself noticed, especially in insisting on ones rights. An assertive person is able to stand
up to others and deal with each issue at hand.
Assertiveness skills can be learned and will not only resolve many interpersonal problems but will build confidence, self-respect, and improved
relationships with peers.