IGCSE

Five Islands School

Original Writing Scheme of Work

1) Introduction

2) Assessment Objectives

3) Scheme of Work

4) Grading Criteria

5) Examples of Students Graded Work

to Aid Assessment

Scheme of work for IGCSE KS4 coursework

Original writing

1.

This scheme has a specific focus on descriptive writing.

2.

Skills acquired in this unit of work can also be used to address

the requirements of Writing to Describe which is tested in the
English Paper 1 examination
- Writing to inform, explain,
describe.

3.

Skills acquired in this unit of work can also be used to support the
teaching of Poetry and the Literature Poetry for Unseen Paper 3

Original Writing

To explore / imagine / entertain / (no restrictions on content, form, or

genre).

Assessment objectives for writing (EN3)

AO3 Writing (En3)

Candidates are required to demonstrate their ability to:
(i)

communicate imaginatively, using and adapting forms for

different readers and purposes;

(ii)

organise ideas into sentences, paragraphs and whole texts

using a variety of linguisitic and structural features;

(iii)

use a range of sentence structures effectively with accurate

punctuation and spelling.

Assessment Procedure
Marks should be awarded within any range in a best fit basis.
Teachers should follow the procedure set out below:
a)

Make a broad judgement using the skill descriptors.

b)

Initial judgement should then be further refined using the content

criteria.

Scheme of work

ORIGINAL WRITING

To learn linguistic devices/poetic devices /imagery

SIMILE
METAPHOR
PERSONIFICATION

How these techniques are used in writing and how they can be used as tools to
develop personal writing skills.

Use the Powerpoint Fallout 3

Now read the poem The Warm and the Cold by Ted Hughes and complete the task
set.

7
The Warm and the Cold
Freezing dusk is closing

Moonlight freezes the shaggy

world
Like a mammoth of ice
The past and the future
Are the jaws of a steel vice
But the cod is in the tide-rip
Like____________________
The deer are on the bareblown hill
Like smiles on a nurse.
The flies are behind the
plaster
Like_____________________
Sparrows are in the ivy- clump
Like_____________________

Like a slow trap of steel

0n trees and roads and hills and all
That can no longer feel.
But the carp is in its depth
Like a planet in its heaven
And the badger in its bedding
Like____________________
And the butterfly in its mummy
Like____________________
And the owl in its feathers
Like____________________

Freezing dusk has tightened

Like ____________________
On the starry aeroplane
Of the soaring night
But the trout is in its hole
Like a chuckle in a sleeper
The hare strays down the highway
Like____________________
The snail is dry in the outhouse
Like___________________
The owl is pale on the gatepost
Like____________________

Such a frost
The flimsy moon
Has lost her wits
A star falls.
The sweating farmers
Turn in their sleep
Like _____________

Ted Hughes

In this poem, Ted Hughes describes the onset of a freezing night in a series of sense
images. To paint a vivid picture of the way different animals keep warm he uses a
number of similes-comparisons where one thing is compared to another using the
word like or as
Fit the jumbled comparisons into the right places.
Try looking for points of similarity in th4e images, and working out which lines
in the poem rhyme to help you.
oxen on spits
a root going deeper
a clock on its tower
a key in a purse
money in a pig
a nut screwed tight

a loaf in the oven

a doll in its lace
like a viol in its case
the lost score of a jig
a seed in a sunflower

Writing task

Think of original and imaginative similes to bring these subjects to life;

The fire raged as fiercely as

The engines in the distance whined like

Their red bulk appeared like

The fire-fighters moved like

The flames

9
SIMILES (from BBC Bitesize)
Know the facts

Similes are comparisons. Writers use similes to help you imagine certain images and
feelings. Think about your own writing or talking. If you are trying to describe a sight
or feeling to a friend that is outside their experience then you often do it by making a
comparison with something they do recognise.

When using a simile a writer says that something is like or as something else.
The skin cracks like a pod,
There never is enough water
A black-back gull bent like an iron bar slowly
Both of these are examples of similes and using similes in your own writing
adds depth and interest.
However it is important to remember that if you are discussing similes in poetry
or in other writing it is not enough just to identify the similes. To access higher
grades you must comment on how effective it is and the effect it has on the
writing.
In the first example from the poem Blessing the poet is using the simile to
emphasize the lack of water. She uses a direct comparison and clear direct
language so that the reader can visualise the effect of the lack of water upon
the people.
The second example from the poem Wind enables the reader to imagine the
strength of the wind as the bird in flight is gradually pushed back by the sheer
force.
Writing task
Explain the effect of these similes
1) I have seen old ships sail like swans asleep
2) And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel,
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school

10

To help with revision of techniques and for future reference (descriptive writing is a
tested on English Paper 2 exam paper), pupil will :

1) begin work developing a spider diagram

Simile
Definition
Example
Descriptive writing

Personification
Definition
Example

Metaphor
Definition
Example

Begin Fallout 3 _ Coursework

11

To learn and understand linguistic devices:-

METAPHOR

PERSONIFICATION

How these techniques can be used in writing.

How they can be used as tools to develop personal writing skills.
How they can be used in the analysis and appreciation of poetry.

12
Metaphor
Work through each section on metaphors and personification and complete the
suggested activities.
A metaphor is also a device for comparing one subject with another but it is different
from a simile because there is no use of like or as. The comparison is very close and
therefore a metaphor is a very powerful device.

He was a lion in battle

By using a metaphor what is the writer saying about the way the person fought in the
battle? You should be able to think of two or three different characteristics suggested
by this metaphor.

Her words were poisonous

What is the effect of the metaphor?

13

She looked daggers at him

Notice that comparisons are taking place but as and like are not used. Metaphors are
powerful and dramatic devices, they make writing much more lively and interesting.

PERSONIFICATION
These are special types of metaphors. Personification is a technique giving a nonhuman thing or idea human or animal qualities.

Death was stalking the battlefield

The waves swallowed him

Discuss what images or pictures these examples suggest to you.

Read the poem WIND and:

Discuss the use of personification.

In addition, you might want to comment on the use of repeating the word I

the use of verbs, especially the list of verbs in the last sentence and the use of
and'

14

WIND
I pulled a hummingbird out of the sky one day
but I let it go,
I heard a song and carried it with me
on my cotton streamers
I dropped it on an ocean and lifted up a wave
With my bare hands
I made a whole canefield tremble and bend
As I ran by
I pushed a soft cloud from here to there
I hurried a stream along a pebbled path
I scooped up a yard of dirt and hurled it in the air,
I lifted a straw hat and sent it flying
I broke a limb from a guava tree
I became a breeze, bored and tired
And hovered and hung and rustled and lay
Where I could.
Task 1
Write a short paragraph discussing your thoughts and ideas about this poem.
Dont forget:

to mention the use of personification

when you make a point about the poem use evidence/quotation from the
poem and then explain how this adds to the meaning of the poem (POINT,
EVIDENCE, COMMENT )

Task 2
Using the structure of the poem WIND, make one of the following into a person and
describe the actions that person performs:
FOG

FIRE

SUNLIGHT

FROST

HUNGER

DESPAIR

15

Metaphors (BBC Bitesize)

Know the facts

A metaphor is also a form of comparison but does not use like or as. A metaphor
shows that something is actually something else. Metaphors are very powerful
devices.
The sea is a hungry dog
Giant and grey,
He rolls on the beach all day.

The poet is asking us to imagine the incoming sea eating up the beach
like a hungry dog desperately searching for food and then devouring it.

Writing task
Pick out the simile and metaphor in the following extract. What is the writer asking
you to imagine? How effective are these comparisons?
The road unwinding under our wheels
New in the headlamps like a roll of foil.
The rain is a recorder writing tunes
In telegraph wires, kerbs and cats eyes,
Reflections and the lights of little towns

16

Personification (BBC Bitesize)

Know the facts
Personification is a special type of metaphor in which the writer gives human qualities
and feelings to non-human things.
One of the most common examples is how writers treat the seasons of the year. They
often see them as human beings in various ages: the youth of Spring, the full grown
person in Summer, maturity in Autumn and old age in Winter.
When discussing writing it is not enough just to identify personification but to be able
to comment on the effect achieved.
Look at the opening lines of this poem, Miracle on St Davids Day by Gillian Clarke.

An afternoon yellow and open-mouthed

With daffodils. The sun treads the path
Among cedars and enormous oaks.

Open-mouthed invites the reader to visualise and see the daffodils in their
imagination; treads suggests an image of the sunlight making its way across the
ground. The use of personification brings this section of the poem to life.
Writing task
Identify the use of personification in the following lines of this poem. What scene do
they suggest to you? Are they effective in creating a picture of a stormy night?
The rain set early in to-night
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm tops down for spite,
And did its worst to vex the lake

17
Alliteration (BBC BITESIZE)
Know the facts
Alliteration is the deliberate repetition of consonant sounds at the beginning of
words close to each other.
The writer may be trying to focus attention on those words or may be using hard or
soft sounds to create an effect.
1) The writer James Reeves wrote about walking through Beech Leaves with a
crisp and crashing sound. Here the use of the hard cs adds to the visual
picture of the dried and crunchy autumn leaves.
2) Writing about Snow in the Suburbs Thomas Hardy wrote, there is no waft of
wind with the fleecy fall. The soft ws and fs add to the meaning of the poem
and give the impression of the soft covering of snow on the ground.

3) Wilfred Owen. a poet writing in World War 1, wrote in one of his poems,
Anthem for Doomed Youth about the stuttering rifles rapid rattle. The
awkwardness of the repeated rs reflects the sound of the jerky firing of the
guns. (you could also notice that the word stuttering with its repeated ts and
number of syllables adds to the fragmented style of the line and therefore to
the meaning.

Alliteration is used extensively in both poetry and prose to create the effects
mentioned above.

Adverts also make use of alliteration. This is usually in an obvious way. It can help
us to remember the name of a product.

P-p-p pick up a penguin

18

Alliteration
Writing task

1) Read the extract below, identify the use of alliteration, discuss and write about
how this adds to the desolate feeling of this depressing place. (think about the
sound of the repeated d).
From the poem Vultures)

In the greyness
and drizzle of one despondent
dawn unstirred by harbingers
of sunbreak a vulture
perching high on broken
bone of a dead treenestled close to his
mate

2) Write a few lines describing your classroom or your bedroom using alliteration
to add to the atmosphere you are trying to create.

think about which aspects of the room you might want to draw attention
to and focus on
think about the sound of certain letters and how these might contribute to
the mood you want to create.

19
Onomatopoeia
Know the facts
Onomatopoeia is when a word sounds like the noise it is describing. Every day
speech is full of common examples:
The whoosh of the washing machine
The buzzing of the bees
The clatter of pots and pans
The bubbles popped
These are simple and obvious examples, try to think up some of your own.
Onomatopoeia can be used very effectively in prose and poetry when the writer is
trying to build an impression of sound and add another dimension to the writing, for
example:
The poet Wilfred Owen in his World War 1 poem Dulce et Decorum Est describes
how he could hear the blood come gargling from the froth corrupted lungs of a
soldier who had been injured in a gas attack. The word gargling suggests the sound
perfectly and adds to the horror of the situation.

Task 1
Underline the onomatopoeic words in this extract from the poem Tractor by Ted
Hughes. The writer is trying to emphasize to the reader the difficulty of starting the
tractor on a cold winters day.

The starting lever

Cracks its action, like a snapping knuckle.
I squirt commercial sure-fire
Down the black throat-it just coughs

See if you are able to identify any other writing techniques in this extract.

20

Onomatopoeia

Task 2

Identify the onomatopoeic words in this extract from the poem Blessing by Imtiaz
Dharker.

The skin cracks like a pod

There never is enough water
Imagine the drip of it,
the small splash, echo
in a tin mug,
the voice of a kindly god
Sometimes the sudden rush
of fortune. The municipal pipe bursts,
silver crashes to the ground

How does the use of onomatopoeic words add to the meaning of the poem?
Think about what life is like for the people before the pipe bursts. Write a short
paragraph explaining your ideas. Remember to use POINT, EVIDENCE, EXPLAIN to
support your writing.

21

ORIGINAL WRITING

To consolidate knowledge and understanding of writing techniques learned over

the last few lessons.

Tasks
1) To complete and analysis of the piece of writing An Autumn Stroll, a
description of a place and discuss the techniques and effects. (an annotated
version is available for teacher use).
2) Read the opening chapter of Of Mice and Men and discuss the use of
techniques used to create a calm and peaceful atmosphere. (an annotated
version is available for teacher use)

Writing task (for pupil assessment)

1) Pupil to choose their own place and write a description to create a specific
atmosphere. Pupils should try to use a range of writing techniques (spider
diagram can be used for reference).
Pupils writing can be assessed using the assessment criteria. Examples of
pupils work are included in this pack to aid assessment and grading.

22
An Autumn Stroll

Strolling along the canal towpath on a crisp autumn morning brought back memories
of times it has been done so many times before. The canal is still, clear, a glass only
disturbed by the ducks gliding through the water effortlessly.
Small ripples emerge from the ducks, spreading, getting bigger and bigger before
breaking on the banks. The leaves are a rich oak colour, crisp with frost. They look
like they have been sprinkled with a light dusting of icing sugar. The autumn sun
catches the odd leaf so that it sparkles like diamonds. The leaves crunch underfoot
covering the whole path. The trees are bare. Only the odd leaf is left hanging on
branches patiently waiting to join the rest.
A smell lingers in the air, a mixture of slowly decaying vegetation and the crisp clean
air of the autumn morning.
Under the bridge I walk. A train clatters overhead, drowning out all other noise, then
slowly fades into the distance, leaving everything as it was ,as if it had never even
been there. A robin stands proud on a fence post like a cockerel crowing to the
morning sun. His red chest blazing is only cooled by the white surround slowly
blending into oak brown feathers.
An insect in his beak caught on the wing. A quick wing adjustment and he bursts into
flight. He weaves and bobs, weaves and bobs in the sky gracefully and elegantly.
On the road above and across two old men, also on a morning walk, wearing their
demob suits, worked hard for and not thrown out, old winter coats, shoes bought by a
love done last Christmas, flat caps and shiny, polished, well-used walking sticks.
They are talking about the days events,
Hows the missus then Alf?
Oh fine.
They carry on round the corner. The postman struggles with his bag and walks up the
steps to a row of little houses with fields behind and neat well-kept little gardens at the
front.
A cat in the field below them walks around looking for a meal. He seems oblivious to
the fact that the field is autumn colours and he is all over white. He walks along the
length of the field then sits at the foot of the wall staring up at the prospect of having
to jump over. He sits for a while and then leaps. He clears it easily like a coiled spring,
lands on all four paws and steadies himself like a gymnast. Then he walks across the
other field and out of my field of sight.
A crisp autumn stroll with lots going on if you look and observe.

22(a)
An Autumn Stroll
(1) Strolling along the canal towpath on a (2) crisp autumn morning brought back
memories of times it has been done so many times before. The canal is (3)still,
clear, (4)a glass only disturbed by the ducks gliding through the water (5)
effortlessly.
Small ripples emerge from the ducks, spreading, getting (6) bigger, bigger (7)before
breaking on the banks. The leaves are a (8) rich oak colour, (9)crisp with frost.
(10)They look like they have been sprinkled with a light dusting of icing sugar.
The autumn sun catches the odd leaf so that (11) it sparkles like diamonds. The
leaves (12) crunch underfoot covering the whole path. (13) The trees are bare.
(14)Only the odd leaf is left hanging on branches patiently waiting to join the rest.
A smell lingers in the air, a mixture of slowly decaying vegetation and the (15) crisp
clean air of the autumn morning.
Under the bridge I walk. A train (16) clatters overhead, (17)drowning out all other
noise, then slowly fades into the distance, leaving everything as it was ,as if it
had never even been there. A robin stands proud on a fence post (18) like a
cockerel crowing to the morning sun. His red chest (19) blazing is only cooled by
the white surround slowly blending into oak brown feathers.
An insect in his beak caught on the wing. A quick wing adjustment and he (20) bursts
into flight. He (21) weaves and bobs, weaves and bobs in the sky (22) gracefully
and elegantly.
On the road above and across two old men, also on a morning walk, wearing their
demob suits, worked hard for and not thrown out, old winter coats, shoes bought by a
love done last Christmas, flat caps and (23) shiny, polished, well-used walking
sticks. They are talking about the days events,
(24) Hows the missus then Alf?
Oh fine.
They carry on round the corner. The postman struggles with his bag and walks up the
steps to a row of little houses with fields behind and neat well-kept little gardens at the
front.
A cat in the field below them walks around looking for a meal. He seems oblivious to
the fact that the field is autumn colours and he is all over white. He walks along the
length of the field then sits at the foot of the wall staring up at the prospect of having
to jump over. He sits for a while and then leaps. He clears it easily (25) like a coiled
spring, lands on all four paws and steadies himself like a gymnast. Then he walks
across the other field and out of my field of sight.
A crisp autumn stroll with lots going on if you look and observe

23
NOTES TO ACCOMPANY AN AUTUMN STROLL
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)

7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)
13)
14)
15)
16)
17)
18)
19)
20)
21)

22)
23)
24)
25)

Choice of vocabulary: sets the relaxed tone and mood of the piece. Also it is a
more interesting opening to introduce the writing.
Onomatopoeia: adds depth to the writing enabling the reader to hear the sounds
along the canal bank.
Use of adjectives: helps to create a visual picture in the mind of the reader.
Metaphor: creates an image emphasising that the canal is perfectly still adding to
the calm and peaceful atmosphere of the place.
Adverb: adds detail and also contributes to the relaxed atmosphere.
Repetition: helps the reader visualise the concentric circles of the ripples and
understand that there has been a change in situation. The writer is beginning
to move the description on and add further detail
Alliteration: adds to the rhythm of the sentence which contributes to
meaning as this adds to the flow and ripple of water.
Adjectives: create visual detail and add realism to the writing.
Onomatopoeia: creates sound and adds another dimension to the text.
Simile: comparing the sparkling leaves with the icing sugar. Adds to the visual
image, suggests early autumn and the beginning of a delicate frost.
Simile: visual image
Onomatopoeia: creates sound and adds life and interest to the writing.
Short sentence: direct, clear moves the writing on, alters the pace of the
piece.
Personification: adds depth and interest to the writing.
Alliteration: adds to the sharp sound and reinforces the coldness of the day.
Onomatopoeia: lively, realistic, interesting.
Use of punctuation: slows the line and adds to the meaning of the sentence.
Simile: visual image.
Metaphor: powerful visual image
Onomatopoeia; gives energy and adds realism
Repetition: adds to visual image and emphasises the graceful movement of the
birds flight, creates rhythm in the line again emphasising the movement of
the bird.
Use of close detail: adds to visual image.
Group of three adjectives: adds visual detail, three adjectives powerful,
create close visual image.
Snippet of conversation: adds interest to the writing and sense of realism.
Simile: adds to visual detail and creates interest, emphasises the movement
of the cat.

26
27
Original writing

To understand how to use the descriptive writing techniques effectively

and create :

An interesting and detailed description of a place.

1) Read the extract from An Evil Cradling.

Discuss the content of the piece, choice of vocabulary, writing techniques

and ideas.

Writing task

Write a detailed description of a place you know well, using a range of

descriptive writing techniques. Aim to write about two sides of A4
Discuss with your teacher how to improve this piece of work and then redraft.

28
Task 2 An extract from Of Mice and Men

29

Task 1
Descriptions come alive if you use lots of adjectives. Write down the adjectives
that are used to describe:

The window
The dictionary
The thread
The can of tar
The possessions
The harness
The magazines
The spectacles

Task 3
Think about an elderly woman who rarely sees her family. What possessions do
you think you might nfind in her room? Make a alist of them. Decide what each
possession tells you about her.

30
Extract from An Evil Cradling by Brian Keenan
Brian Keenan was a lecturer in a university in Beirut. On his way to work one
morning in 1985 he was kidnapped. It was four and a half years before he was
released. In the following extract he describes his prison cell.
I had of course, like all of us, seen prison cells. We have all seen films about
prisoners, or read books about prison life. Some of the greatest stories of
escape and imprisonment are part of our history. It seems much of our culture is
laden with these stories.
But when I think back to that cell, I know that nothing I had seen before could
compare with that most dismal of places. I will describe it briefly to you, that
you may see it for yourself.
It was built very shoddily of rough-cut concrete blocks haphazardly put together
and joined by crude slapdash cement-work. Inside, and only on the inside, the
walls were plastered over with that same dull grey cement.
There was no paint. There was no colour, just the constant monotony of rough
grey concrete. The cell was six feet long and four feet wide. I could stand up and
touch those walls with my outstretched hands and walk those six feet in no more
than four paces. On the floor was a foam mattress. With the mattress laid out I
had a pacing stage of little more than a foots width.
In one corner there was a bottle of water which I replenished daily when I went
to the toilet, and in another corner was a bottle for urine, which I took with me
to empty. There was also a plastic cup in which I kept a much abused and
neglected toothbrush. On the mattress was an old, ragged, filthy cover. It had
originally been a curtain. There was one blanket which I never used, due to the
heat, the filth and the heavy smell, stale and almost putrid, of the last person
who had slept here. The cell had no windows. A sheet steel door was padlocked
every day, sounding like a thump on the head to remind me where I was. At the
head of the mattress I kept my brief case with my school text books. Behind the
briefcase I hid my shoes. I was forever afraid that I would lose those shoes. If
I did, I felt that it would be a sure sign that I would never leave that cell.

31
Original writing
To understand how to use the descriptive writing techniques effectively and
create:

An interesting, detailed description of a person

1) Read the description of Mrs Dubois from To Kill a Mockingbird.

Discuss the range of techniques used.

2) Read the description of My Grandmother and analyse the text in

terms of technique, content, tone and atmosphere.

Task
Write a detailed description of the fallout after you have survived a nuclear
explorsion. You may choose to write a general description and then focus on
specific details. You might want to focus on a particular incident which shows
the personality of your character. You may decide to use flashback or
flashforward. Aim to write about one side of A4 and remember to improve and
redraft your writing.

32
An extract from To Kill a Mockingbird
When writing to describe, you are trying to paint a picture with words. Your aim
is to give your reader a clear picture of the person, place or scene that you are
describing.
One of the best ways to improve your skills in descriptive writing is to look at
descriptions written by other writers and identify the features that make them
effective.

Description of Mrs Dubois

She was horrible. Her face was the colour of a dirty pillow case, and corners of
her mouth glistened with wet, which inched like a glacier down the deep grooves
enclosing her chin.Old-age liver spots dotted her cheeks, and her pale eyes had
black pinpoint pupils. Her hands wre knobbly, and the cuticles were grown up
over her fingernails. Her bottom plate was not in, and her upper lip protruded;
from time to time she would draw her nether lip to her upper plate and carry her
chin with it. This made the wet move even faster.
I didnt look any more than I had to. Jem reopened Ivanhoe and began reading. I
tried to keep up with him, but he read too fast. When Jem came to a word he
didnt know, he skipped it, but Mrs Dubose would catch him and make him spell it
out. Jem read for perhaps twenty minutes, during which time I looked at the
soot-stained mantelpiece, out the window, anywhere to keep from looking at her.
As he read along, I noticed that Mrs Duboses corrections grew fewer and
farther between, that Jem had even left one sentence dangling in mid-air. She
was not listening.
I looked towards the bed.
Something had happened to her. She lay on her back, with the quilts up to her
chin. Only her head and shoulders were visible. Her head moved slowly from side
to side. From time to time she would open her mouth wide, and I could see her
tongue undulate faintly. Cords of saliva would collect on her lips; she would draw
them in, and then open her mouth again.
Her mouth seemed to have a private existence of its own.
It worked separate and apart from the rest of her, out and in, like a clam hole at
low tide. Occasionally it would say,Pt, like some viscous substance coming to the
boil.

33
Descriptive writing

My Grandmother

My grandmother was probably one of the most important people in my life. She
was made more special by the fact that she was my only living grandparent. She
was my gran on my mums side. My fathers family were all Polish Jews and had all
been killed in the holocaust.
My gran lived in Weymouth which was a long way away from where we lived. Every
summer I would be wrapped up like Paddington Bear, a label stuck on my jacket
and off I would go on my holidays. The guard, there were such things then, was
responsible for me and would pass over the duly delivered parcel to my gran at
the other end.
My gran lived in a red brick council house; 200 Abbotsbury Road. I loved that
house and even now I am dying to knock on the door and state proudly: my gran
lived here! Daft, isnt it? Maybe when I am old I will do it. My gran used to say
you can get away with a lot when you are old!
The house like my gran was old and everything in it spoke out of another age. She
had been born in 1896. She had long hair which she wore coiled in a bun and she
always wore the same style frocks with a little trim of lace around the v-neck
and a cameo brooch. All her dresses were hand-made on an old sewing machine
that for many years after her death remained in the garage gathering dust. I
remember her most striking piece of furniture was a huge table that filled her
back parlour. At night we would sit at the table and listen to the Archers on the
radio.
We would eat Edam cheese and home-made bread with lashings of her homemade raspberry jam, just the two of us. I was all of seven and I dont think I had
a clue what or who the Archers were but it felt good to sit there like a grown-up.
Gran was a fine cook and had once worked in a country house. My job every night
was to go to the pantry to get the jam. I can still smell her pantry now, full of all
sorts of jams, chutneys and preserves.

34

Her bathroom was Victorian almost and the window was quite low down. I would
brush my teeth and look down from it from the back garden where my gran was
often pottering or sitting on a garden swing chair she had. Sometimes she would
look up instinctively and wave. I can see her now bending over a small spade and
brushing a strand of her long coiled hair that had escaped away from her face.
I cant remember it raining when I was a child in Weymouth and when it did rain
it would happen late at night so that in the morning you would wake to smell
sweet, damp grass. At night though, the pervading smell rose from grans garden
fire, a rich, evocative smell which still haunts me to this day, along with the
picture I have of her tending it and adding twigs.
It is hard to say what it was about my gran that made her so special. We spent
days together on my uncles farm where she helped out, we went to the beach,
we ate ice-cream, we played slot machines, we fed the swans.
When I went home she came too, but only for a while. Once a month a huge
parcel would arrive with a letter inside for me and home-made goodies for all the
family. In it was the scent of her home-baking, her home and of course her.
When she died at the age of 79 a chapter of my life came to an end. She used to
say to me, what will remain of us is love, and I have to say she spoke true.

35
ORIGINAL WRITING SCHEME OF WORK

To learn how to craft writing to build an atmosphere of fear and tension.

1) Read the extract from Lord of the Flies

Analyse the extract, identifying techniques learned from previous lessons
and identify and understand the use of any new writing techniques, for
example:
a) The effect of long sentences
b) The use and effect of short sentences
c) The use of questions
d) The use of repetition
e) Use of punctuation
(There is an annotated copy of this extract for teachers use)

2) To consolidate knowledge pupils should read the extract from, To Kill a

Mockingbird and analyse the text in note form and then answer in
continuous prose,
How does the writer use language to create an atmosphere of tension and
fear?
( Pupils should remember to use the PEE technique in their answer)

Point
Evidence
Explain

40
Original Writing Coursework
Notes to accompany extract from Lord of the Flies
Ralph is being pursued by a gang of boys ,when they catch him they
intend to kill him ,cut off his head and place it on a stick as an
offering to the Lord of the Flies In an attempt to force him out of
hiding they have set fire to the island on which they are marooned.
1. A direct statement to clearly establish that the fire is
dangerous. This is enhanced by the reference to noise implying
that the sound is continuous and building in strength and power.
2. This question emphasizes the speed of the fire
3. The use of the simile suggests panic
4. Once again the writer is emphasizing the size and strength of
the fire.
5. Use of an abrupt, short sentence to stress panic.
6. Punctuation used to fragment the sentence and the use of a
question to emphasize fear and panic.
7. The writer is clearly stating that the fire is gaining in strength
and danger
8. The stress in the sentence falls on the last word which
reinforces the ferocity of the fire.
9. Use of repetition and exclamation marks show the fear, tension
and panic.

41
10. Series of short, sharp sentences shows real panic and fear.
11. Emphasis once again focusing on the fire getting closer.
12. The boys chasing Ralph are now referred to as savages. This
emphasizes that the danger is serious.
13. The writer is now very specific when describing the proximity of
the savages.
14. The closeness of the savages is emphasized throughout this
section.
15. A series of sound words are used to reflect the tense and
frightening situation.
16. The writer is once again very specific to show the closeness of
the savage.
17. Abrupt, fragmented phrases to show fear.
18. The moment the savage is seen is emphasized by the extremely
short sentence and paragraph.
19. To delay the moment of discovery and to build tension in the
reader, the writer uses two longer sentences.
20. A list of violent vocabulary to emphasize the real fear as Ralph
tries to escape.
21. A long paragraph describing in detail Ralph flight for his life,
including many words to describe his speed.

22. Alliteration used to focus on the speed of movement and Ralphs

fear.
23. Use of the simile to focus the readers attention on the terrible
danger that awaits Ralph.

1.
2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.
8.

Extract from To Kill a Mockingbird

bird

9.

10.

11.

12.
13.

14.

15
.

16
.
17
.

18
.

19
.
20
.
21
.

22.

23.

24.

50
Original Writing Coursework
Jem and Scout have been to a harvest festival celebration in school,
Scout is dressed in a ham costume. As they walk the short distance
home alone, they become aware that they are being followed.
Notes to accompany Extract from To Kill a Mockingbird
1. The opening phrase of this extract establishes that the two children are
alone.
2. The adjective black emphasizes the intense darkness of the night and
adds to the feeling of isolation for the children
3. The phrase emphasizes that the two children are surrounded by intense
darkness.
4. This snippet of information once again emphasizes the complete blackness
of the night( The writer has used a form of repetition to establish that
the children are walking home alone on an extremely dark night)
5. Use of ellipses here to denote a pause creates a feeling of uncertainty.
6. The additional detail suggests that Jem is nervous, this creates tension.
7. Once again the writer is reminding the reader that the children are
walking home alone on a very dark night.
8. The use of short, fragmented sentences creates tension and illustrates
the anxiety of the children.
9. The interruption in the exchange between the children suggests anxiety
and nervous tension.

51
10. Use of abrupt, short sentences adds to the tension created.
11. The simple, straightforward, direct sentence adds to the suspense, clearly
establishing that the children are being followed.
12. The writer is establishing that the children can clearly be seen in the
darkness adding to their sense of vulnerability.
13. The writer is using a form of repetition to emphasize that the children
can easily be seen by whoever is following them.
14. The phrase emphasizes that the place is completely empty and this is
enhanced further by the echo.
15. The tension in the children has developed as the writer shows that they
are afraid to speak out and can only whisper. This also suggests that the
intruder is close-by. Also the writer increases the tension as she
establishes that Scout is confined in the ham (they are on their way back
from the harvest festival concert at school.)
16. The tension is building as the wrier states that the children are getting
closer and closer to safety, they are almost home.
17. Tension is increased as the children are making an effort to be calm even
though it is now obvious that it is not their friend who is following them.
However, neither of them dare voice their fears.
18. The excuses the children make to themselves are immediately dispelled by
the writer.
19. The use of onomatopoeia suggests that the follower is very close to the
children and adds to the realism.
20. The use of the short sentence adds to the tension created.
21. The dramatic outburst, use of repetition, punctuation, adds to the tension
and creates fear.

52

22. The list of sounds/actions creates a sense of confusion.

23. The simile draws the readers attention to the helpless children, that they
are no match for their pursuer and that they are trapped.
24. The use of repetition adds to the realism of the situation and emphasizes
the violence of the attack.

53
ORIGINAL WRITING

To consolidate knowledge of writing techniques used to create an atmosphere of

fear and tension.
1) Read and discuss the creative assignment Being Followed written by a year
11 student in 45 minutes, under exam conditions.

Plan

Setting; very cold, dark; occasional street lights, ground covered with
snow, faint snow blizzard
Been to friends house
Dilemma- cant decide whether to take short cut or not
Keep remembering fathers words Its not you I dont trust, its other
people

Imagine you are being followed

Another two footsteps and Id be back in the shadow again. I could scarcely
see the next street light but I knew I had to reach it. I could feel the damp
snow on the back of my neck as it turned into water and trickled down my
back. The words came back as if to haunt me- its not you I dont trust its
other people. My footsteps quickened. I knew I was being followed.
I couldnt hear the snow fall yet watched it glimmer in the light. It
seemed to be working against me and I felt each flake as a short stab
stinging my face. I passed the familiar vicarage and yet it was no longer
recognisable. The small gap in the wall immediately transformed from my
childhood safe haven to a threatening hole. I remembered the words its
other people. I knew I was being followed.

54
The distant street lamp beckoned yet it became no closer. I instinctively
tried to quicken my pace but my feet refused to change from their
mechanical stride. I could hear the faint sound of a radio accompanied by
the hum of a car engine. It passed me; the driver completely oblivious to
my panic. I could feel the dampness on my hands as I fumbled for the key
inside my pocket. I already knew it was there but I had to check again. I
darent look back. I knew the footsteps were following me.
I tried to focus my mind on the party. It had been worth it, hadnt it? My
head still pounded with the music but I could no longer make out the song
I was thinking of. I tried to remember. I had to remember. I couldnt
allow my mind to accept the reality of the situation.
The snow had turned to slush and I became aware of the tiny hole in my
shoe. I could feel the damp rising through my sock. I had to do something.
I turned quickly onto the narrow path through the woods and ran. The
trees passed me in a blur. They scratched my face and tormented my mind.
They seemed to stoop toward me. I thrust away the branches with my
fists. I felt my knees ready to buckle yet I knew I had to make it. The
panic surged in my head and drowned the thumping of the music. I
remembered the words its not you I dont trust, its other people.
The key fumbled in the lock and fell to the floor. I glanced round. I had
been followed, I could see that. I remembered the words of my father.
He was wrong, it wasnt only other people he couldnt trust. It was me.

55

Original Writing

To assist with grading of Original Writing coursework a number of

examples of students graded work and the grade criteria are included in
this Scheme of Work

67

Original writing final task

To write a creative/descriptive coursework assignment using a range of

descriptive writing techniques

Suggested assignments could be :

1) Description of a place linked to a description of being followed. This

would allow pupils to use both the range of descriptive writing
techniques and devices which create tension and fear.

2) Being lost in a foreign city.

3) Surviving a nuclear fallout/explosion