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11/21/2015

Theharshtruthwithlove|TsemRinpoche

Theharshtruthwithlove
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I cant say I am an expert on depression clinically or otherwise because Im not and I am not
offering a medical solution. It is my advice based on meeting people and observing the same
issues for the last 20 years countless times.This A.R. has written (I didnt include the email)
and I am writing back in the best capacity I can and with the best motivation. I post it here,
because I hear the same things from so many people for so many decades now and the
solution is the same.The human condition unfortunately does not offer to many choicesor
shortcuts. Perhaps some of them can read this and for people who might have the same
issues in the future, apply if it helps and find a way to betterment. This is my sincere and
deepest hopes. I wish A.R and many people like A.R. well because time is not on our side. Just
put in the hard work and effort as that is the key and be consistent please.
I hope nothing Ive written will offend any of you with my directness and thoughts. If it does,
my humble and deep apologies.
Tsem Rinpoche

Dearest A.R.,
I guess you can want this and want that but you will find it hard to get because you dont put
the effort, consistency and work. When we are lazy and shy away from hard work how can we
wish for good and big results? Of course you will be depressed and people will give sympathy.
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But only the first few times. I guess not getting a partner because of your past and your habits
is disheartening too. I guess if the only partner you can get is by doling out money as you
complain, is not going to bring happiness either. I am sorry for that. But as you get older, you
have to pay more. Fine if you have money I guess, but you will not be happy because they are
not there for you but for your money irregardless of their sweet words. Sorry.And some
partners just drag each other down anyways because its convenient to be with that
person.Its not love but just using each other. Ive seen that clearly in a few cases.
Peoplecan hide with their partners and avoid real efforts because they are indenial, but
denial or not, it will catch up. I am deeply sorry to say things like that too. But its true.
Depression can either be clinically triggered (meaning in your genes/biological make-up), or
you are depressed because you are so jealous other people are doing better than you and you
are lazy to do anything. Are you depressed because its a medical condition you cannot help
or because you are jealous of othersand lazy? Some run, hide or avoid or be nasty. Those are
not the solutions.
If its medical, people take medication and still achieve big. There are many superstars,
super moms, super good people and super business people who suffer from depression but
THEY STILL WORK HARD AND ACHIEVE BIG or are just responsible people. Life is not perfect
and we have to deal with it.. Then theres the other group of people who suffer from
depression are using that to hide behind their failure, laziness and deep jealousy. They can
even say VERY NASTY THINGS to their friends who try to support them. You see, these people
want their friends to support and pretend to be on their side so they can continue their
depressionsto hide behind it. And when friends speak to them nicely, they can be rude and
tell them off. Because they want the friends to be fake friends to cover them in their selfmade depressions. They can even gang up with other people against someone, but once their
common enemy is not affected or moves on, their little gang breaks apart no matter what.
Because it was not real in the first place. We cannot cover laziness, lack of effort, jealousy
and fears. We have to face them, please.
There are 1 billion people in India and another billion in China. Dont you think there are
millions there who are depressed daily and severely from very poor circumstances? Well they
dont have time to dwell. They have to work and survive. While some of us take advantage of
fellow workers, our employer, friends, teachers and others to not do our part and hide and say
we are depressed or give many excuses for why we cannot. Wrong drama.Drama is
interesting butnot negative drama that covers laziness andjealousy.These people will
become more and more depressed because they use negative drama as a way to cover.
Butone day soon, no one will believe. So either they get medication if its real, or they shut
up, do their job, work their way up and then gain respect back. They have to do that because
no one is getting younger and everyone else is moving up, up, up!!
These people who abuse their friends ( I am not saying you abuse yours), do they deserve
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friends at all? Old friends from long time ago is the best, we have to be careful of new friends.
Should never lose old friendsbecause they know us inside out and accept us. That is half
ofthe battle. We can always make new friends but they will be tired of us very soon too. When
we have good friends that care about us, we better not hurt them further. We better apologize
and be genuine with them. Because we can lose one friend and then another and another. In
the dharma center you are at, it is easy to make friends because you all pray together and get
together, but in the outside world you be careful with new friends. In the center there is a
natural trust with each other and people tendto have their guards down more, but dont take
advantage of this either. This goes both ways of course. But think deeper.
The bottom line is this:
Dont blame your dharma friends, work, teacher and your dharma center for your depression
because you did it so stop not performing to gain sympathy. It is ourselves.
If your depression is medical, get medicine and work and succeed.
If your depression is drama and acting to cover laziness and deep jealousy, then you better
face yourself and see what kind of person you are. How jealous you are and in your jealousy
you can fail at work and still want respect, salary, friends and more chances. Where in the
world people can be so kind like that?Anger and jealousy comes from you and no one gave it
to you.Life can give you the difficulties, butyou can fail, grow, succeed, learn or all. Up to
you. Stop blaming others and telling others non-stop its other peoples fault. Even if it is
other peoples fault, you still have to grow because after a while people will see through you.
Your success or lack of it speaks volumes unless you hang out with other people who dont
want to achieve either. Achievementsare subjective I know. But at least achieve not being an
angry, spiteful person that blames others for self-made fears/faults and then cuts them off on
social media and vents anger on Facebook. LOL. That is silly. As if all theFacebook friends
will really be friends or really know the whole situation. LOL.

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I thank you for writing in and I am sorry if my email sounds harsh, but I think I have to tell you
the truth. I am known for being straightforward and direct not because I want to hurt you but
to not waste time. I dont want you to waste your time further. Think of all the good things and
stop focusing on the bad. Anger does not help. Hiding and running does not heal and avoiding
and denying will not be the solution. Good ol fashioned hard work, ethics, overcoming fears,
mending friendships are the best. Just achieve, achieve and achieve.
The only people who dont have to achieve are toy boys (LOL), toy girls (LOL), rich kids, or
people just doing nothing because they are waiting for the inheritance (just joking). But you
know what?Toy boys/girls do age.Rich kids will run out of money and actually hate
themselves for achieving nothing. They can afford to hide their self-hatred by covering with
indulgences and distractions, but age catches up soon as well as deep boredom that leads to
other activities that may be harmful. If you have achieved nothing, with or without money, you
know it and you will be deeply dissatisfied. There are exceptions of course.
Its wonderful junior students in the center are talking to you and counselling you, but it is
embarrassing because you should know more. You talked big to them in the past and now you
have to avoid them because of embarrassment. Well, avoiding them will not help. Might as
well own up to them. And you cannot cover it by saying well you know better or they dont
understand or buzz off. And getting an inheritance may not be the answer, because if you are
not ready then you will use the money to destroy yourself further. Money is not the holy grail
that solves all problems inside of us. We have to realize that.A good friend of mine has a
saying, dont throw pearls to pigs.Sounds harsh but it means if youve done nothing and you
get money, the money will help you to do further nothing in your life. Sorry. It perpetuates
unfortunately.
Its time to perform, do your job, work, gain results. Because if the people whom you are
jealous ofare moving ahead and you are left behind, this situation will get worse because
they are still working hard and you are still depressed and left behind. Medical or drama,
you have to perform, and that is the cold hard facts of life. If you are medically depressed,
then fine, get medical help and move on, but if you are only drama depressed, then so much
time has been wasted that could have been used for you to be successful and gain respect
and love.
I will pray for you and do wish you well. But if you dont start loving your guru the right way
and yourself, it will be a great loss. How to love your guru and good friends and yourself the
right way? By apologizing openly or sometimes publicly whatever the case may be, or at least
directly and sincerely in your center and then perform. If you apologize you cannot use this
drama-depression-method again. Its over. If you dont apologize you still cant ..but one gives
hope to friends and the other nothing. Overcome the points in you that make you fail and you
know what they are. Sure there are people who harm us, but why harm ourselves ?? Why add
to it. The real harm is ourselves. When it rains, we can open an umbrella or just get wet and
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complain. Up to us. We can spend our time getting other people backand putting them down
and blaming them or we can just achieve.We will never run out of people to blame for sure
because there is an endless supply because our attitudes sets us up this way for now.
Stop disappointing others. Stop hurting others. The wheel of sharp weapons say if we always
deceive and trick others then we will suffer from mental breakdowns. Karma is real.
Work hard, do your practice and feel lucky you have so much that you have scorned and took
for granted till you are at the point of losing it. Overcome your jealousy, anger and deep
resentment that others are better in their results than you. Dont be complacent either.
Complacency is to say OH WELL THEY GET BETTER AND I DONT, SO WHO CARES. That is the
opposite and still very negative and have negative karma. You will be unhappy too. Basically
no way to escape our minds and ourselves.
Throwing yourself into drinking, fun, hobbies, travelling, *boobali, going out, dressing out and
the whole nine yards is not the solution because youve done all that back in your college
days and it got you nowhere as you can see now. So doing it again at the cost of dharma is
not the solution either. You areolder (not very old -LOL) now and why do you want to do that
again. If you didnt feel fulfilled the first time round, it certainly will be worse nowLOL.
I send you my good wishes and please read carefully what I said. It is from my heart and not
meant to hurt you but I have written several times and now its up to you.
I will share this with others as it will help them and that is my purpose. Why exist otherwise?
They wont know who you are so dont worry. I know you are a good person deep inside. But
resolve your issues now and let that good person come out please. Perform, be kind to
others, stop blaming and cut out the jealousy. They got what they worked for. And you got
what you didnt work for. Sorry again. I am here for you and waiting for you to do your part.
Much hope, Tsem Rinpoche

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