3 Ways To Regain Confidence - WikiHow

3 Ways to Regain Confidence - wikiHow
http://www.wikihow.com/Regain-Confidence
How to Regain Confidence

Three Methods:
Building Confidence in Yourself
Regaining Confidence in Relationships
Regaining Confidence at Work
Having self-confidence can lead to greater success and happiness in life.

Research has found that having healthy self-esteem, the thoughts, feelings
and beliefs we hold about ourselves, can reduce the risk of developing
depression.[1] In contrast, having low self-confidence can have a negative
effect on our mental health, relationships, and school or career life.
Fortunately, there are a number of ways you can regain confidence in yourself
in general and in specific situations, such when you're in a relationship or at
work.
Method 1 of 3: Building Confidence in Yourself
Take stock of yourself. If you chronically lack confidence, it's probably very easy
for you to catalogue your faults and failures, but what about acknowledging your
positives? For most people, this is a lot more challenging. Researchers have found that
self-esteem is comprised of both cognitive factors, such as positive memories you have
of yourself and your behavior, and self-evaluation, or how positively you evaluate your
current attitudes and behaviors.[2] Make a list of everything you like about yourself - your
qualities and skills that make you you.[3]
It can help to actually sit down and write out a list as things come to you. Grab a
notebook or journal and set a timer for 20-30 minutes. Journaling is a good way
to continually maintain and open conversation with yourself about who you are
and want to be. It's a way to prompt self-reflection and self-discovery and may
help you realize things about yourself that you didn't really know.[4]
Think also about some areas you'd like to improve, such as assertiveness or
self-confidence. Contemplate not only what you feel, but why you feel the way
you do. Begin to understand your true self, and allow it to exist. If you're not as
good at handling some things as you are at othersfor example, maybe you
feel confident and capable until other people are thrown into a situation, such as
in a relationship or at workacknowledging all facets of yourself is the first step
to transformation.
Look back on your life and your accomplishments. Chances are that you are
not giving yourself enough credit for everything that you've done throughout your
life. Take some time to reflect and look back at your past glories from big to small
things that you've done that you feel proud of. This will help validate your place in the
world and the value you bring to the people and society around you and, in this way,
build your self-confidence. Research shows that part of building self-esteem is having a
solid schema of positive memories about your past accomplishments and abilities. If you
begin to accept that you have been a bright, hopeful, confident person in the past, it
becomes easier to believe that you can be amazing and do amazing things again.[5][6]
During this time, write a list of all of your accomplishments. Keep in mind that
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everything should be included, from big accomplishments to the little everyday

things. Your list can include things like learning how to drive, going to college,
moving into your own apartment, making a great friend, cooking a fancy meal,
getting a degree or diploma, getting your first "adult" job, and so on. The
possibilities are endless! Return to the list periodically to add to it. You'll see that
you have lots to be proud of.[7]
Scan through old photos, scrap books, yearbooks, trip mementos, or even
consider making a collage of your life and accomplishments to date.[8]
Focus on positive thoughts and beliefs. Rather than get bogged down with
negative thoughts, try to focus on positive, encouraging, and constructive thoughts.
Remember that you are a special, one-of-a-kind person who is worthy of love and
respect - from others and from yourself. Try these strategies:[9][10]
Use hopeful statements. Be optimistic and avoid the self-fulfilling prophecy of
pessimism. If you expect bad things, they often occur. For example, if you
anticipate a presentation going poorly, it just might. Instead, be positive. Tell
yourself, "Even though it's going to be a challenge, I can handle this
presentation."
Focus on "can" and avoid "should" statements. "Should" statements imply that
there is something you ought to be doing (that you're not currently doing) and
this might cause you to feel pressured if you can't meet these expectations.
Instead, focus on what you CAN do.
Be your own cheerleader. Give yourself positive encouragement and credit for
the positive things you do. For example, you might note that although you're not
getting all the exercise you'd like to be getting, you have been doing to the gym
one extra day a week. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For
example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues
asked questions and remained engaged which means that I accomplished
my goal." Over time, this will help you reframe your thinking to be more
confident.
Set goals and expectations. Write of lists of things you want to accomplish and
set out to achieve these goals. For example, you might decide to volunteer more,
take up a new hobby, or spend time with friends.Make sure your goals and expectations
are realistic. Striving for the impossible will only deflate, not enhance, self-confidence.[11]
For example, don't suddenly decide that at age 35, your dream is to play
professional hockey or be a principal ballet dancer. This is unrealistic and your
self-confidence will likely take a hit once you realize how far away and
unattainable that goal is.[12]
Instead, set more realistic goals, like deciding to do better in math class, learn
how to play the guitar or master a new sport. Setting goals that you can
consciously and consistently work towards and eventually meet can help you
stop the cycle of negative thinking that reduces your self confidence. You'll see
that you can set and meet goals successfully and will attain a sense of
fulfillment.
You could also set goals that help to you see and feel your own competencies.
For example, if you feel like you want to be better informed about the world,
decide that you are going to read a newspaper every day for a month. Or, say
you want to empower yourself in knowing how to fix your own bike and opt to
learn how to do your own tune-up. Meeting goals that address things that help
you feel powerful and capable will help you feel better about yourself as a
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whole.
Fake it 'til you make it. That old saying actually has some real value to it.
Confidence doesn't happen overnight, but now that you have a good sense of who
you are and what you want, you can put up a good front that will eventually translate into
confidence within as well. The very act of trying to appear confident can actually
increase your confidence, as you begin to see how it affects those around you.
Use your body language to project confidence. Stand and sit with a straight
back. Walk with easy, full strides. Make plenty of eye contact when you meet
people, and if you're nervous, smile instead of looking away.[13]
Smile more. Studies have shown that the very act of smiling can improve your
mood and make you feel more positive.[14]
Speak more (rather than less) and with greater confidence. This is especially
true for women, who tend to speak less and with reduced assertiveness in
social situations with men. Make a concerted effort to have your voice heard in
social situations; your opinion matters and you have value to add to a
conversation.[15] When you do speak, speak clearly and with precise
enunciation; don't mumble or cover your mouth with your hands or fingers.
Take chances. Remember that you can't control what anyone else thinks, feels, or
does; you can only control yourself. Instead of being fearful of all of this uncertainty
and your lack of control, try to embrace it. Accept that the world around you is a big and
uncertain place by taking a chance on something new. You'll be surprised by how often
you succeed when you're proactive as the old maxim goes, fortune favours the bold
and if you fail, you'll be able to see that your life continues on anyway. Whichever way
you cut it, taking a few risks and trying new things is one of the best ways to rebuild your
lost confidence.
Strike up a conversation with someone on the bus, submit a photo or story for
publication, or even ask out your secret crush. Choose something that puts you
a bit outside of your comfort zone and jump in headfirst with the knowledge that
your life will go on no matter the outcome.
Experiment with new activities; you might learn about talents or skills you didn't
know you possessed. Maybe you take up running track and discover that you
are really good at distance running, something you'd never thought of before.
This can help increase your self-confidence.[16]
Consider taking up artistic activities such as painting, music, poetry, and dance.
Artistic endeavors often help people learn how to express themselves and
attain a sense of 'mastery' of a subject or skill. Lots of community sentences
offer free or reasonably-priced classes.
Help someone. Research has shown that people who volunteer tend to feel
happier and have higher self-esteem. It may seem paradoxical that to feel better
about yourself you should help someone else, but the science does indeed that feelings
of social connectedness that accompany volunteering or helping others make us feel
more positive about ourselves.[17]
There are endless opportunities to help others in the world. Volunteer at a
retirement home or a homeless shelter. Get involved with your church in a
ministry to the sick or the poor. Donate your time and service to a humane
animal shelter. Be a Big Brother or Big Sister. Clean up a local park on a
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community-organized occasion. [18]
Take care of yourself. Putting time into yourself can also help improve your
self-confidence in general. The healthier you are in mind and body, the better the
possibility that you will be satisfied with your self. This means doing your best to be
healthy, whatever that may look like for you individually. Some pointers include:[19][20]
Eat at least three meals a day that are based on healthy and nutrient-rich foods,
such as whole grains, lean protein (like poultry and fish), and fresh vegetables
to keep yourself energized and nourished. Drink water to hydrate your body.
Avoid processed, sugary, and caffeinated foods and/or drinks. These can affect
your mood and should be avoided if you're concerned about mood swings or
negative emotions.[21]
Exercise. Research has shown that exercise can give a real boost to
self-esteem. This is because exercise causes the body to release the "happy
chemicals" called endorphins. This feeling of euphoria can be accompanied by
increased positivity and energy. Try to get up to at least 30 minutes of vigorous
exercise at least three times a week. At the very least, set aside time for a brisk
walk every day.[22]
Reduce stress. Make a plan to reduce the stress of your everyday life by
designating time for relaxation and activities that you enjoy. Meditate, take a
yoga class, garden, or do whatever activity makes you feel calm and positive.
Note that being stressed can sometimes make it easier for people to overreact
or let negative feelings dominate.[23][24]
Let go of the idea of perfection. Perfection is an artificial notion created and

proliferated by society and the media and it does a great disservice to most of us
by suggesting that perfection IS attainable and the problem is simply that we're not up to
snuff.Nobody is perfect. Make that your new mantra. You're never going to have the
perfect life, the perfect body, the perfect family, the perfect job, and so on. Neither will
anyone else.[25]
Focus on effort rather than the desire for perfection. If you don't try something
because you're afraid you won't do it perfectly, then you don't stand a chance in
the first place. If you never try out for the basketball team because of your lack
of confidence, it's a guarantee that you won't make the team. Don't let the
pressure to be perfect hold you back.[26]
Accept that you are a human being and that human beings are fundamentally
imperfect and make mistakes. In fact, our imperfections are what make us
human and enable us to grow and improve. Maybe you didn't get into your top
college or were rejected from a job. Instead of berating yourself for your errors,
view them as opportunities to learn and grow and as things that you can rectify
in the future. Maybe you'll realize that you need to think more about your future
educational path or that you need to learn how build job interview skills. Forgive
yourself and move forward; this isn't easy but it's key to avoiding that cycle of
self-pity and low self-confidence.
10
Be persistent. Building confidence takes time, because each rush of

confidence you achieve is temporary at first. You've got to keep at projecting
confidence and taking chances in order to build up a real sense of self-confidence.

Remember that self-confidence isn't a thing you achieve, it's a process.
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Throughout your life, you will constantly be working to build and rebuild your
self-confidence as life throws its surprises and obstacles your way. You are
constantly evolving, and so will your confidence.
Method 2 of 3: Regaining Confidence in Relationships
Take care of yourself. The only way you can have confidence in relationships is if
you have in yourself first and foremost. Follow the steps in Part 1 and try to build
your own self-confidence. If you believe in your own self-value, that's part of the journey
to building more confidence in your relationships. In addition, try spending constructive
time alone with yourself and finding satisfaction and fulfillment in that; read a book, go
for a walk, or do some exercise. You'll tap more into yourself and what you want and can
then bring this into your relationships with others.
Remember that developing healthy self-esteem is an important part of having a
successful romantic relationship. In a study of 287 young adults, researchers
found that those with higher self-esteem, which includes confidence in ones
appearance and personality, were more likely to have successful romantic
relationships.[27]
If your confidence has recently taken a hit due to a bad relationship or breakup,
take time to recover. Many studies have been reported that divorce and
separation can have an adverse effect on your mental and physical health,
including heightened stress and anxiety as well as the increased likelihood of
developing alcohol abuse problems, diabetes, and heart conditions. It's not
easy when relationships end, but you can recover from an ended relationship
by taking time to emotionally work through it and move forward.[28]
Reflect on your past. We can't change the past; however, we can change how we
view the past, both its good and bad components. Try to think about your past
relationships and how these might affect your present outlook. This will help you learn to
cope with your romantic past without letting it define you.[29]
For example, maybe you had an ex who cheated on you in the past. Rather
than blame yourself or carry the burden of the relationship on your shoulders for
forever, instead think about how this experience has reduced your ability to trust
potential partners easily and how you're always waiting for the other shoe to
drop. Simply knowing about the relationship areas in which you lack confidence
will help you overcome them.
Maintain perspective. Once you've "mourned" a prior relationship and have taken
time to regroup and recover, you'll be better able to show some perspective and
see that one end is another beginning. Think about that whole wide world of people out
there; this is an opportunity, rather than something to be afraid of. There really are plenty
of fish in the sea.[30]
You'll also realize that your romantic past isn't a reflection of who you are, but of
bigger situations involving other people and factors (such as third-parties,
long-distance, incompatibility, etc.). Relationships are not who you are, but
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something you engage in. When things don't work out, though you may feel to
blame at the time, a little time and perspective will help you realize that there
are lots of reasons things didn't work out and that you are not fundamentally at
fault.
Take chances. Try something new to meet new people and build your confidence.
Sign up for a free online dating service or just go out and try to meet people at
parties, events, markets, and classes. Be confident and don't fear rejection. You might
be surprised at how easy it is to strike up a conversation with someone you've just met.
It's particularly scary for many women to approach men because this isn't
traditionally how relationships were initiated. However, this is the twenty-first
century! If you're a woman who's scoffing at the idea of initiating, don't. This is a
chance to increase your romantic confidence; you should take it, and you might
be surprised with the results! Remember, if you'd don't try, you'll never know
how things may have turned out.
You don't have to date everyone or try everything. Instead, be selective. Enjoy
the company and affections of people you're attracted to and interested in, and
to remind yourself that you still bring a lot to the table in a relationship.
Let down your guard. Don't pretend to be someone you're not and put on a show
for others of being something like you're really not. Everyone is human and has
vulnerabilities and flaws. Let these shine through in your interactions with others and
strip away any pretenses. For example, if you like someone, don't pretend to "play it
cool" by being hard to get and not expressing interest. Instead, put yourself out there
and tell the person that you're really excited to be there with them. Being real, genuine,
and letting down your guard is REAL confidence. In turn, this will help you open yourself
up to real connections with people.[31]
In addition, learn how to express concerns and insecurities. When trying to deal
with and combat the insecurities that seep into a relationship, you should
always be honest with yourself and then with your partner. Honesty really is the
best policy. Put a name on and verbalize what you're feeling. Being open IS
being confident.[32]
Method 3 of 3: Regaining Confidence at Work
Look at all the facts. When something negative happens in our professional lives,
it can be hard to focus on anything else or anything that came before or that is yet
to come. Anger, resentment, and self-doubt tend to take over. When this happens, try to
take a step back and evaluate the situation from a less emotional place. For instance, if
someone else was promoted instead of you, think about the facts of the situation, rather
than reducing it to a matter of "My boss hates me" or "I made a mistake and so not
getting advanced is my fault." Instead, think about why the other person was a good fit
for the job and how you can improve to ensure that next time you don't get passed over.
Always maintain a panoramic view. Instead of getting caught up in the heat of
the moment when someone seems to be insulting or dismissive of you at work,
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try to think about why they might be speaking that way. Get away from the
notion that it's always something you did, and take things like stress and ego
into account.
Recall as well the facts of your own past successes. For example, if you've
been promoted or praised at work somewhat recently, remind yourself of this
and why you were tapped in the first place. This can help boost your
self-confidence without relying on a pre-packaged pep talk; instead you're using
your own experiences and abilities to motivate and instill confidence in
yourself![33]
Refocus on the work itself. Sometimes, workplace politics or interpersonal

drama can result in your self-confidence at work taking a hit. Maybe you were
chewed out by a petty boss; maybe you were demoted or had your hours (or pay) cut.
Whatever the case, the best way to begin to move forward again is to maintain a focus
on your work; this is why you were hired in the first place and what you're good at in this
context. Ignore gossip and rumors, stay on task, and don't waste time. Not only are you
demonstrating to the business that you're a valuable commodity; you're reminding
yourself of the same thing.
If the humiliation or difficulty you're dealing with at work is abusive or illegal,
keep an incident log and get in touch with Human Resources or outside
authorities (depending on the situation). You have the right to work without
being harassed in any form by other members of the workforce.
Engage in professional development. Do what you can to work where you

perform most strongly on the job. Never lose sight of the fact that you have
strengths that are important and useful to the business and your career. Training can go
a long way when it comes to building confidence at work. The more knowledgeable you
are about your work and about management, the more confident you can be in your
ability to do your work well.[34] As long as you stay focused, you can make some
headway in your profession, which should increase your workplace confidence
significantly. If you level off for too long and keep doing the same thing, you'll get bored
and feel stagnant. Instead, branch out![35]
There are many free resources available to working professionals that you can
utilize to learn and grow in new areas of your business. There are books and
free online courses available where you can read up on your work and learn
different occupational skills, such as management and teamwork. Your human
resources department should also have access to free training and support
materials and could be a good place to get started in working on your
professional development. Ultimately, you should use your resources to learn
and grow. Just the simple act of taking action towards growth can help improve
your confidence.
Build new skills. Focus on competence; instead of focusing on your interior self,
think about competencies, which are more task-oriented, rather than self-oriented.
Learn and build new skills, even if you're initially uncertain or fearful of them.
Acknowledge your professional weaknesses and try to improve them. Fear is a truly
formidable adversary and the only way to get over it and become confident at work is to
do the very thing that you are afraid of and in this way build resilience.[36][37]
Maybe you're nervous about giving oral presentations in a professional
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atmosphere. Work with your boss and co-workers to enhance these skills in an
encouraging, non-threatening environment. Once you can give an oral
presentation without being cripplingly nervous, you'll build that professional
confidence.
Project confidence. It's only thing to feel confident, but it's another to exude that
confidence in the workplace. Consider your appearance at work and take care to
dress professionally (in a manner appropriate to your profession) and look polished;
these are quick fixes that can help you feel more confident, powerful and ready to take
the day.[38]
Consider as well how you perform in meetings. Are you maintaining eye contact
and looking alert? Are you just sitting there or do you try to show engagement
by nodding or asking a question at an appropriate moment. Make an effort to
look eager and engaged and maintain an open posture (e.g., don't cross your
arms) to show others that you're confident and excited about your job.
Avoid apologizing all the time, especially when something isn't your fault; this
tells others that you lack confidence and rely on others for validation.
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Warnings
There's a difference between a lack of confidence and mental illnesses
like depression and chronic anxiety. If you feel as though you have no
control over where your mood or stress level takes you, consult your
primary care physician or a mental health professional, like a counselor
or therapist.
Sources and Citations

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37(3), 241-252. doi: 10.1002/nur.21600

2. Keke, W., Chenwei, L., & Johnson, D. (2011). Role of self -esteem in
the relationship between stress and ingratiation. Psychological
Reports, 108(1), 239-251. doi: 10.2466/07.09.20.PRO.108.1.238-251
3. http://psychcentral.com/lib/blueprints-for-building-self-esteem/3/
4. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/09/27/30-journalingprompts-for-self-reflection-and-self-discovery/
5. Keke, W., Chenwei, L., & Johnson, D. (2011). Role of self -esteem in
the relationship between stress and ingratiation. Psychological
Reports, 108(1), 239-251. doi: 10.2466/07.09.20.PRO.108.1.238-251
9. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205
/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
10. http://psychcentral.com/lib/blueprints-for-building-self-esteem/
12. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/self_esteem.html/
13. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/careeradvice/life-at-work/how-to-build-confidence-at-work/article20744779/
14. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-youhappier/
15. http://news.byu.edu/archive12-sep-women.aspx
16. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/self_esteem.html
17. http://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2012/04
/04/why-helping-others-makes-us-happy
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/building-confidence-and-self25. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/10/30/6-tips-to-improveyour-self-esteem/
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/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=25539
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irresistibly-confident/#.Va-W5bdQhKo
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Categories: Managing Negative Feelings

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3 Ways to Regain Confidence - wikiHow

How to Regain Confidence

Building Confidence in Yourself

Regaining Confidence in Relationships

Regaining Confidence at Work

Having self-confidence can lead to greater success and happiness in life.

Method 1 of 3: Building Confidence in Yourself