Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
A: Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of pri
son.
Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one...but the rest of the band stands around and complains about it bein
g electric.
Q: Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?
A: Start with two million.
1. What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
You can turn a c
hain saw off.
2. What's the difference between a banjo and a Harley Davidson?
You can
tune the Harley.
3. What's the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
One is l
oud, obnoxious, and noisy; and the other is a bird.
4. How can you tell the difference between all the banjo tunes?
By their
names.
5. What do you call a good musician at a banjo contest?
A visitor.
6. How is playing the banjo a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don'
t have to be very good to get peoples attention.
7. How can you tell if there's a banjo player at your door?
They can't find
the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don't know when to come in.
8. What's the best and fastest way to tune a banjo?
Wirecutters.
9. "Frets are like speed bumbs,,,,,
on a banjo"
10. What's the difference between a banjo player and a locksmith?
A locksm
ith gets paid to change keys.
11. Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves
time in the long run.
12. What's the difference a skunk run over on the road and a banjo player run ov
er on the road?
You see skid marks in front of the skunk.
13. What will you never say about a banjo player?
That's the banjo player'
s Porche.
14. Why do fiddlers pick on banjo players?
Because they can't pick on their
fiddles.
15. When do banjo songs sound the best?
When they're over.
16. What is the difference between a banjo and an onion?
nobody cries whe
n you cut up a banjo.
17. What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Throwing a banjo into a toilet w
ithout hitting the seat.
28. What are flaiming guitars good for?
lighting banjos on fire.
29. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, on
e to screw it in and four to complain that it's electric.
30. Where do banjo players play best? In a galaxy far, far away.....
31. Banjo players are a lot like sharks-They think they have to keep pla
ying or they'll sink.
32. After you've played the banjo long enough people will pay you to play;
However, your neighbors will pay you to stop.
33. What is the difference between a good banjo player and bigfoot?
There ha
ve been sightings of bigfoot.
34. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, on
e to screw it in and four to complain that Earl wouldn't have done it thata-way.
35. What's the difference between a banjo player and a savings bond?
A saving
s bond eventually matures and earns money.
36. What did the banjo player get on his SAT test?
Drool.
37. How do you get two banjo players to play in unison?
Shoot one.
38. What is worse than telling banjo jokes?
Laughing at them.
39. How many strings does a banjo have?
Five too many.
40. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five; on
e to screw it in and four to lament about how they miss the old one.
41. Why did the chicken cross the road?
She was showing the opossum & th
e banjo player the way.
42. What's the difference between a banjo player and a puppy? If you ignore a
puppy long enough it will stop whining....
43. Know any banjo jokes?
Just me.
44. What's the difference between a banjo and an accordion?
The accordion ta
kes longer to burn.
45. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, bu
t hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
46. What's the difference between a run over frog and a run over banjo player?
The frog was on it's way to a gig.
47. Why do so many fisherman own banjos?
They make great anchors.
48. Banjo players spend half their lives tuning,
And the other half playi
ng out of tune.
49. How do you make a banjo player slow down? Put sheet music in front of him.
50. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five, on
e to screw it in and four to argue about what year it was made.
51. Banjo pickers;
We tune because we care.
52. A banjo player is a lot like an appendix. The can both be a big pain somet
imes; you don't miss them when they're gone; & no one's figured out what good th
ey are.
53. Did you hear about hte bass player that locked his keys in the car?
Took him three hours to get the banjo player out.
54. What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?
The grip.
55. "Banjo picker wanted:
Music knowledge not required."
56. What's the best thing to play on a banjo? A flame thrower.
57. Why are banjos better than guitars?
They burn longer.
58. What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
Who cares?!? Nei
ther is a banjo!
59. Why did the banjo player leave his capo on the dashboard? So he could park
in the handicap zone.
60. What's the definition of a minor second?
Two banjo player's playing the s
ame note.
61. How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
10: one
to do it and 9 to stand around and say, "I could have done it better."
62. Why don't banjo players get any mail?
Because they can't read notes!
63. What has 16 legs and 3 teeth?
The front row of a banjo workshop.
64. How can you get six banjo players to play in harmony?
Only give them o
ne banjo.
65. What is the range of a banjo?
About 30 feet if you throw it hard enoug
h.
66. What is the difference between a terrorist and a banjo player?
Sometime
s you can reason with a terrorist.
67. What is this? "X X X"
Three banjo players signing for a loan.
68. What is the difference between a banjo and a flute?
Most flutes don'
t burn.
69. "There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, Unless it's the
sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner...."
70. How is lightning like a banjo player's fingers?
Neither one strikes in t
he same place twice.
71. How do you get a banjo player out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
72. Why don't banjo players take breaks between sets? It takes them too long t
o retune.
73. How do you make a chain saw sound like a banjo?
Turn it on.
74. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn
't matter as long as everyone gets a turn.
75. What's the first thing you know?
That Jed's a millionaire!
76. How many banjo players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five; on
e to screw it in and four to stand and watch.
112. What happens when you play banjo songs backwards? They sound the same.
113. Mark Twain's definition of a gentleman:
a man that can play the banjo an
d don't.
115. How do you define an optimist?
A banjo player with a beeper.
116. What do you get when you cross a banjo player and a ground hog?
Six more
weeks of "Foggy Mountain Breakdown".
117. What's the first thing you say when you graduate with a degree in banjo?
"Do you want fries with that?".
118. How do you get a banjo player off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
119. What is the difference between a banjo player and a pizza?
A pizza
can feed a family of four.
120. What's the difference between a banjo and a harmonica?
The harmonica on
ly sucks every other note.
121. What's another name for a sledge hammer? Banjo mute.
"Well, you know what they say: if you've heard one bluegras tune, you've heard'e
m both!"
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