Social Interactions

Shame in Society
Many wonder how or why illnesses like anorexia and bulimia exist along with
being so prevalent in todays society. Looking at societal-level by-products of shame
management will help to find the answers. The presence of shame and embarrassment in
all societies, today, is a contributing factor in the development of eating disorders in
teenagers. Interestingly, a common factor in both body dissatisfaction and thin-ideal
internalization is that of social comparison (Bassenoff 239).
In todays society, teenagers are constantly bombarded with media and online
social situations, which give them a platform to judge and be judged. In a study by the
Pew Research Center, it is said that 73% of teens in America are now using social media
as of February 2010, which has increased from just 65% in 2008 (Duggan 1). The
emergence of social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram have allowed
teenagers to constantly have access to the lives and whereabouts of their peers. This is
where we see the emergence of shame in todays society. Shame is not a fundamental
human emotion, though it seems as though it is a fundamental emotion because of the
larger number of people that suffer from the feeling in todays society. In the article
Shame and the Social Bond: A Sociological Theory, by Thomas J. Scheff, he makes a
claim that Kardiner, an anthropologists, wrote, shame is the emotion that leads to
repression (Scheff 86). The social media sites have caused us to put more emphasis on
the materialistic and superficial aspects of others rather than the personalities and
characteristics of them. Horchschild claims that the body is the tool of trade for man to
use to change their circumstances rather than using their souls (Horschild 37). In a blog

article, What Its Like to Be Tumblr Famous, King-Slutzky writes of the thrill that comes
with being popular on social networking sites. Teenagers will partake in things they
dont agree with or like as long as it means that they become famous on social media
sites (King-Slutzky 1). Later, Kardiner proposes, shame as the principal component of
the super-ego, that is, of conscience (Scheff 86).
For the majority of teenagers today, social media is a medium that allows
teenagers to articulate harsh things without the remorse or interpersonal reactions that
happen in face-to-face communication. We see this in sites like Instagram, an on the rise
social media app that allows users to share photos, directly increasing the fear that
teenagers posses of judgment from their peers (Leila 1). The app allows users to edit
pictures as though they were taken professionally and has inter-user activity through the
liking of and commenting on others pictures. The competition between likes and seeing
peers pictures that have been edited so much that the person looks like the models in
magazines causes teens to compare themselves to others. In Scheffs article, Cooley would
say the comparing is due to the fact that, shame and pride both arose from selfmonitoring, the process that was at the center of his social psychology (Scheff 87). The
media can have great affects on the self-esteem of teenagers (Valkenburg). The ease that
social media sites allow teenagers to compare themselves to their peers is a cause of
shame in our society. If a person didnt get enough likes on an Instagram picture they will
feel inferior to the girl or guy that got double their likes, leading to thoughts of shame that
they are not in the in crowd (Valkenburg). The sense of being an outsider triggers
shameful emotions, which can lead to teenagers feeling the need to change their image
drastically (Cozolino). The pride aspect comes into play when the teen has something that

they feel they are in control of and that will make them be on the in crowd (KingSlutzky). Many turn to bulimia and anorexia as a way to have control (Bassenoff). They
feel as though this will be the way to compete with the girl that gets over a thousand likes
on her pictures or has many friends and followers.
The mention of insiders and outsiders is also referred to in the article by Scheff,
The chain reaction is both within persons and between them, three spirals-one spiral
within each party, and one between them. The spiral idea integrates social and
psychological processes, and suggests a solution to the usual separation of inside and
outside (Scheff 90). One explanation might be that Internet use does not directly affect
self-esteem, but rather that it influences self-esteem through mediating variables (Shaw).
Though many people feel a sense of pride from their accomplishments but shame is a
very negative thing. The cycle of shame can be very dangerous to the physical and mental
health of those affected, shame is about the self... shame feels like weakness and
dissolution of the self, even for the wish that the self would disappear... shame is a social
emotion, reaffirming the emotional interdependent of person (Scheff 92).
Next, we see societal practices such as ritual and muscular bonding that have led
to the notion of the outsider which increases the presence of social anxieties. In Social
Anxiety in Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa: The Mediating Role of Shame by Ralph
Grabhorn, Hanna Stenner, Ullrich Stangier and Johannes Kaufhold, they write,
excessive feelings of shame are generally recognized as the key emotional symptom
experienced by individuals suffering from social anxiety (Gabbard, 1992) and social
phobia (Stangier & Fydrich, 2002) (13), the article also states that, whereas some
scholars regard social anxiety as a precipitating factor in the emergence of anorexia

nervosa (AN) and Bulimia nervosa (BN) (13). Our constant fear of how others perceive
us can become all consuming, where everything teens do is for society, in fear or in want
of something from society. This feeling is elevated after teens have interacted in social
media (Bassenoff). After all, peer acceptance and interpersonal feedback on the self, both
important features of friend network sites, are vital predictors of social self-esteem and
well being in adolescence (Valkenburg). In our society teenagers are constantly put on a
pedestal to be the best, the prettiest, the most popular and by being on that pedestal
teenagers are constantly being looked at and judged. Imagine if you were an animal in
cage at the zoo, constantly being watched and expected to do something entertaining.
Parents have high academic expectations for teenagers, teachers have expectations,
coaches, friends even themselves (Wozniak). All those stressors lead to the fear of social
situations because they have associated bad feelings, such as stress and anxiety and
judgment, with participating in society (Wozniak). And when all those expectations lead
to few being accomplished perfectly that are when the feeling of shame arises and the
eating disorders and other social psychological illnesses start (Wozniak). Haidt gives the
example of the looking-glass self, the sociometer operates at a nonconscious and
preattentive level to scan the social environment for any and all indications that ones
relational value is low or declining (Haidt 78). The sociometer is a gauge that measures
a persons value in relation with other people, it represents how outside factors affect our
internal feelings of ourselves. The comparison with a looking glass hardly suggests the
second element, the imagined judgment, which is quite essential. The thing that moves us
to pride or shame is not the mere mechanical reflection of ourselves, but an imputed
sentiment. It is the imagined effect of this reflection up anothers mind (Scheff 88).

Letting others down by not achieving expectations or by assuming higher expectations

than other actually have is the projection of ourselves in others eyes which leads to shame
and embarrassment that we cannot live up to the pedestal we are put on.
Lastly, the external locus of control that is held by many is a cause for teenagers
to allow outside influences to control how they feel and act. Hochschild writes, We all
do a certain amount of acting...we try to change how we outwardly appear (Hochschild).
Teenagers blame outward circumstances on their happiness or lack of, especially shown
through the obsession with social media. Anorexia and bulimia are social illnesses that
are driven by causes outside of the self. They may seem driven by the individual in that
the individual is the one persuading themselves to have bad habits. For example, body
dissatisfaction is associated with the tendency to compare one's body to others' bodies
(Bassenoff). Scheff writes about Simmels thoughts on fashion related to psychology in
which he states. His analysis of the origins of fashion clearly states that the emotion of
shame is its source... Fashion is the solution to this problem since one can change along
with others, avoiding being isolated, and there for shame (p.553) (Scheff 87). The idea
of the need to fit in and the ability to change you to avoid isolation is in line the ideas and
studies of anorexia and bulimia. The shame a teenage girl feels when she doesnt have the
in clothes or have a certain hairstyle can drive them to do outlandish things to achieve
that. Girls will steal, dye their hair, spend extravagant amounts of money just to feel as
though they are part of the cool/in crowd. Girls will stop at nothing to becoming the
ideal look and that is why anorexia and bulimia are so present (Bassenoff). Teenagers feel
that they need to reach the thin ideal and will stop at nothing to achieve it (Bassenoff).
Cooley later agrees with Simmel by saying, A self-idea of this sort seems to have three

principal elements: the imagination of our appearance to the other person; the
imagination of his judgment of that appearance, and some sort of self-feeling, such as
pride or mortification (Cooley 1922:184). Basing most of our judgments of each other
on outward looks leads to the emergence of bulimia and anorexia because they are
psychological illnesses that are controlled by shame but change the outward appearance
of the individual. Cosolino writes, Resonance behaviors also have a downside; they
make us susceptible to emotional contagion; that is, being infected by what we see
being acted out by others (Cozolino). On such social media sites teens see others in
better condition and standing than them and seek to achieve those things too. Anorexia
and bulimia may seem like superficial society driven diseases but they are deep-rooted
emotional diseases as a response of societies creation of a status quo. It is one big cycle
of shameful feelings leading to conformity leading to a status quo set by society. Helen
Lewis would say this is a feeling trap (Scheff 95) because the feelings of shame of
being an outsider and pride of being an insider are in a constant cycle that drive teenagers
to anorexia and bulimia (Lewis).
Reactions to social situations that affect our social nature of the self (Scheff) are
the cause of many psychological illnesses, i.e. eating disorders in young adults today. The
presence of shame and embarrassment in all societies, today, is a contributing factor in
the development of eating disorders in teenagers. Ever wonder how or why illnesses like
anorexia and bulimia exist and are so prevalent in todays societies; looking at societallevel by-products of shame management will help to find the answers. We can see that
social media creates situations of upward comparisons. Upward comparisons serve to
enhance the self by eliciting behaviors to improve oneself; when discrepancies between

the self and the comparison standard arise, people are motivated to change the self to be
more like the comparison standard (Higgins, 1987). The comparisons cause shame in
which shame and embarrassment come out of.

Works Cited

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