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A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners.

All went
well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the
door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card and wrote on the back:
Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door.
The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his
message was the notation Genesis 3:10.
Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and
opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I
was naked."

Isang sabado May isang bagong pastor ang dumalaw sa kanyang mga kapatiran. Lahat naman ng
kanyang napuntang bahay ay naging maayos. Ngunit mayroong isang bahay siyang napuntahan
ang medyo kakaiba.
Napansin ng pastor sa kanyang pagdalaw na halatang mayroong taong nakatira roon ngunit ni isa
ay walang nagbukas sa kanya ng pinto kahit ilang beses na siyang kumakatok.
Napagdesisyunan niya na magsulat nalang sa kanyang card. Isinulat niya ang REVELATION 3:20 at
inipit o iniwan nya ito sa pinto.
Sa sunod na araw, Sunday na iyon may service, habang binibilang niya ang kanilang offering sa
church, ay mayroon siyang nakitang card sa offering plate. (yung card nya pala yun na iniwan doon
sa bahay). Doon sa kanyang isinulat sa card ay mayroon ding nakasulat na isang verse. GENESIS
3:10.
Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens
the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me."

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready
for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're
54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

Linggo ng umaga, May isang nanay na pumunta sa hinihigaan ng kanyang anak at ginising
ito. At sinabi na anak bumangon ka na at magayos para pumunta sa service.
At sabi ng kanyang anak Di ako pupunta!
At bakit hindi aber? Sabi ng kayang nanay.
Magbibigay ako sa inyo ng dalawang magandang reasons, sabi ng pastor Una, hindi nila ako
gusto, Pangalawa di ko rin sila gusto.

Sabi naman ng kanyang ina ng narinig niya iyon, Magbibigay din ako sayo ng dalawang magandang
rason bakit kailangan mo pumunta sa church,
Una matanda ka na! 54 years old ka na!. at pangalawa Ikaw ang pastor doon. Hala sige bangon
na!

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door
and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good", he answered.

Sunday morning, Merong isang matandang babae ang naglalakad papunta sa isang
church. Ng makarating ang matanda, May isang friendly usher na bumati sa kanya.
Hello nanay! Happy Sunday po!. At tinulungan niya ito sa kanyang paglakad.
Tinanong ng usher kung san ba gusto ng matandang babae umupo.
Sabi ng matandang babae, sa harapan iho
At biglang sinabi ng usher, Huwag na po kayo umupo sa harapin. Boring po ang
ating pastor.
Iho kilala mo ba ako? Ika ng matanda.
Hindi po nanay. Sabi ng usher.
Ako lang naman ang nanay ng sinasabi mong boring na pastor!.
Biglang nagtanong ang usher.
e ako po kilala niyo ho ba? sabi ng usher.
Hindi, sabi ng matanda.
Good! Sabi ng usher. hahahahaha

Killer: Father mangungumpisal po ako.


Father: ano ba kasalanan mo???
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 katao.
Father: BAkit??
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos kayo po ba naniniwala??
Father: Dati, pero ngayon trip-trip lang.

Q: When was the longest day in the Bible?


A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.
Q: Why did God create man before woman?
A: He didn't want any advice.
Doctor: 'Your recovery was a miracle!'
Patient: 'PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?


A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in theBible?


A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q: Sino ang pinakamalala pagdating s di pagsunod sa kautusan?


A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible?
A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? (Heaven)


A. Turn right and go straight.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!
Q: Who was the fastest runner in history?
A: Adam. Because he was first in the human race!
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income
Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?
When God gave Moses two tablets
Where could the Israelites have deposited their money?
At the banks of the Jordan
When is high financing first mentioned in the Bible?
When pharoah's daughter took a little prophet from bulrushes
When was the Jordan river angry?
When someone crossed it
What money did Noah carry into the ark?
Bucks and doe
What Bible character may have been only a foot tall?
Nicodemus since he was a ruler.
What did the duck say when Noah gave him his lunch?
You can put this lunch on my bill
What was the speech the angry umpire gave the pitcher and coach God?
Sermon on the mound
What was the smartest animal on the ark?
The snake: No one could pull his leg
Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic?
They were always saying neigh
Why were Peter, Andrew James and John the best letter writers?
Because as fishermen they learned to drop a line.

Who in the Bible drove a foreign car?


The apostles: They were all in one accord
Why was the dyslexic agnostic an insomniac?
He stayed up all night worrying about whether there was a DOG or not
Q: How do we know that cars are in the New Testament?
A: Because Jesus was a car painter!
Why didnt Pharaoh stop swimming when the plagues started?
He was in da Nile.
Which prophet was most likely to wear contact lenses?
Eyes aiah (Isaiah)
Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?
A: No the worms came in apples.
Q: Where is the second mention of insurance in the Bible?
A: David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.
Q: Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach?
A: Because it was Paul's bottle.
Q: What is the best way to get to paradise?
A: Turn right, and go straight from there on.
Q: Why won't we drink milk in the new world?
A: Because at Armageddon, there will be 'udder' destruction.
Q: Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said: "Tell the vision to no one."
Q: Will there be dogs in the new system?
A: No. 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.
Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
It had never entered his head before.
Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were using "fowl" language.
Q What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible?
A It's in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years.

Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?


A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.
What did Noah say while he was loading all the animals into the ark?
"Now I've herd everything."
What simple affliction brought about the death of Sampson?
Falling Arches
What animal could noah not trust?
The Cheetah
How do we know Cain took a nap when he left Eden?
He went to the land of Nod.
Who was the most successful physician in the Bible?
Job: He had the most patients.