So Im dating a transgender. So what?

Aside from the title of this piece being a word or two away from becoming a copyright lawsuit by a big film studio, so what if I
am?
The big deal is that Im dating Trixie Maristela, the most recent winner of Eat Bulagas Super Sireyna and the recently
concluded Ms. Gay Manila.
Five years ago, I lived in this crazy world of clichs. I was pretty confident about myself. Whether that confidence was based
on something real was irrelevant. So what if I couldnt really hold on to a relationship for more than a few months? What
mattered was that I was not a freak, that I was not different, that I was not gay. In reality though, I was just a normal guy with
your usual big-time dreams and normal hetero-normative views on sexuality. I had no idea how much normal was about
to change for me.
It was six years ago, on Aug. 7, when I first met Trixie. She was wearing the plainest of red shirts and had her hair down that
morning. She was more captivating than a tall, hot cup of caf Americano from that Starbucks where we were. I greeted her
with the smoothest of lines, Wow, youre very pretty, and she jokingly responded with a Hey, fatty, and a chuckle. Typical
telenovela stuff. I was instantly enamored.
She never hid the fact that she was a transwoman. Why would she? She was smart, strong, independent, beautiful. She
was studying at the second best university in the country (nobody beats my Ateneo.) I still couldnt believe she was a
transgender. I hadnt been really exposed to women like her, and whatever I knew about transwomen, I got from
sensationalized television segments that highlighted the fact that they were born male. The more we talked on the phone
and texted and sent emoticons on Yahoo Messenger, the more I saw that she was nothing but a woman, and I found myself
falling for her.
But I was straight, right? I couldnt be with her. What would my family and friends say, I thought to myself. I didnt want to end
up like those guys that we teased back in school for being different and feminine. I didnt want to end up being called gay.
After a while though, it ceased to matter. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to see her often and spend time with her, hold her
hand and kiss her. I fell in love with a transwoman, and what the world would say didnt matter. As luck would have it, she fell
in love with me, too. So what if they started calling me gay? I knew I was straight and that she was all woman to me. Whats
important is what we believe in.
But easy as it was to say that, it really wasnt easy at all. As proud as I was of having such a beautiful girlfriend, I still wasnt
ready for what the people around me might say. So for a while, we kind of lived a double life. And it kind of worked for a
while. They fell in love with her, too. Who wouldnt? They just didnt know she was a transwoman.
But should it have mattered? Shouldnt it have been about two people in love and not about gender biases? It did matter,
because we grew up in a society where gender discrimination is more powerful than love. More than anything though, I
wasnt ready to hear hurtful, bigoted, ignorant insults hurled at her. People were going to say that she was still a man even
though she never really was. She knew at a very young age that she was a woman, and she grew up to be one, but I felt
people were not going to see that. And as easy as it was for Trixie to just walk away, she loved me that much to stay and not
be the proud transwoman that she was. We wanted to prove first that we could establish ourselves financially before letting
people know. Would there ever be a right time, though?
Only when Trixie came out on television for Super Sireyna did my family and friends find out. They had questions, they had
comments. Most of them were positive, but not all. It came to a point where she asked if I just wanted to leave her, and I told
her the same thing I did a few years back: I love you. You mean the world to me and I am dedicating my life to you and our
future family. I want to get married to you and adopt and raise children with you. I want to hold your hand before I breathe my
last breath. Its you and me against the world, and that will never change.
Only, I wish that it wasnt her and me against the world. I wish that it was me and her with the world. No two people who are
truly in love deserve to go through years of emotional turmoil like we have, when all we ever wanted was to start a family
and be just like everybody else. It was funny that she never really had to come out to her family, but we had to come out to
mine. Ironic how a straight guy had to do a coming-out thing.
Being with Trixie exposed me to the plight not just of transwomen but of LGBT people in general. Being gender deviant
doesnt make you any less capable of contributing to the society and taking care of a family and living a normal life. Sadly,
acceptance, respect, and protective laws are still lacking, especially here in the Philippines.

While it worked out for me and Trixie as she was warmly accepted by the people around me, it shouldnt really have been
that hard. Our love story isnt finished yetfar from it. It really is just like everybody elses love story, only a little different. In
the end, it being different shouldnt matter. But then again, in todays society, maybe it does. (ART STA. ANA)