This is a true story.

Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didnt feel like waking up that
morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife
would be pleasant and say, Happy Birthday!, and possibly have a small present for me. As it
turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone Happy Birthday. I thought Well, thats
marriage for you, but the kids They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didnt say a word to
me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, Good Morning Boss, and by the way
Happy Birthday! It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a
zombie like fashion until about one oclock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, You
know, its such a beautiful day outside, and its your Birthday, why dont we go out for lunch,
just you and me. I said, Thanks, Joanne, thats the best thing Ive heard all day. Lets go!
We went to lunch but not where wed normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a
private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way
back to the office, Joanne said, You know, Its such a beautiful day We dont have to go right
back to the office, do we? I replied with I suppose not. What do you have in mind? She said,
Lets go to my apartment, its just around the corner.
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, Boss if you dont mind, Im
going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. Ill be right back. Ok. I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday
cake
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing Happy
Birthday.
And I just sat there
On the couch
Naked.

This was told to me by my uncle. It happened in Puerto Rico around the mid to late 1940, during
this time Puerto Rico was rural and to get from one place to another you either went during the
day or carried a lantern or braved the dark. Well ghostly stories started circulating around the
small town about a ghostly figure which was seen on one of the roads standing near a tree by one
of the town residents. The resident claimed that this entity had chased him all the way home.
Well of course, stories are embellished and added to just to make them seem a bit more terrifying
and soon the ghost took on the appearance of Satan himself.
Well my uncle had heard the story and being the coward that he was, and still is, he had made it a
point to leave the home of the young woman he was courting early so that he would not have to
risk the darkness and the ghost.
One evening while visiting his girlfriend there was a rainstorm so the girls father insisted that
my uncle stay there till after the storm was over. My Uncle didn't want to stay but was to
embarrassed to tell the father that he wanted to go because he was afraid to walk home in the
dark. Well as fate would have it, it rained on and on and by the time it had stopped it was around
9pm. My uncle was anxious to get home so saying goodbye to his girlfriend and taking off his
shoes so as not to ruin them in the mud, he began walk towards home.
When he was far enough from the home where he could not be watched he picked up a large
fallen tree limb and a few stones and flinging his shoes over his shoulder continued to walk.
Whistling to himself in order to keep the rising fear from overtaking him.
Well a few miles down the deserted dark road he heard a noise and feeling nervous and scared he
quickened his steps to a slow run. Suddenly out of nowhere he heard a scraping sound and
looking forward towards a tree that was in front of the path he stopped dead in his tracks.
There in the darkness was a dark figure leaning against the tree.
Well, my uncle racking his brains on how to best handle the situation stopped and began calling
out Quien Vive or "Who Lives" 3 times (legend has it that when confronted with a ghost or
spirit you call out "who lives" 3 times and if they don't answer its a ghost. There was no answer.
He though of turning around and taking a longer route but being that it was already late and
knowing his father would be angry and beat him for being late he decided he could not turn back.
So in a moment of bravery, my uncle took a running leap towards the figure and began pounding
it with the stones and the tree limb he had been carrying. After successfully knocking the Ghost
over and beating it to a pulp he jumped up and ran for home. Arriving at the door he found his
father waiting and proceeded to tell him what had happened. His father thinking that he was just
trying to get out of punishment said Boy your such a coward it was probably only your
imagination besides how can you possibly beat up a spirit, and your past your curfew and will be
punished in the morning!."
Well that next morning when his father was preparing to whip my uncle for having broken
curfew they where interrupted by the sound of a cart coming down the road. In the cart were my
uncle's girlfriend's father and her brother who was all bruised and looked as if he had been

severely beaten. The father jump off the wagon approaching my uncle and asked him "on the
way home last night did you see anything? Because my son was walking down the road when
someone jumped him and beat him with stones and a rod? I've told the boy never to walk that
road where the devil appears". My uncle suddenly realized to his horror that he was the attacker,
and began sweating at the though of a worse beating. When his father walked up and said no my
son did not travel that road he took the long way home and is being punished his father was so
amused that he let my uncle off the hook. And what's even funnier is that the Ghost was never
seen again.
Years later my uncle ran into the young man from so long ago, and they exchanged stories about
that night. Evidently, this young man was having fun scaring the locals by hiding in the bushes,
when he saw my uncle leave for home he went and took his usual hiding place to scare him.
Knowing that my uncle had beaten him and knowing that his punishment would be more severe
if his father found out the he was the ghost he never told the true story and chose to say that he
did not see his attacker. Happily they were able to laugh about it but goes to show you scaring
others is definitely not good.

It could have been worse. Thats pretty much my motto when stuff gets bad. Just when I think
things cant possibly go more wrong, they do. Remember that.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: Its triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good: Your wifes not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: Shes a lawyer.
Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: Hes involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: Youre in them.
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You cant find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: Hes a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
Good: The postmans early.
Bad: Hes wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: Its another man.
Ugly: Hes your best friend.
Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells
husbands, yes thats right - women can browse men from floors of choices.
Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive
attributes a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a
man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
Interesting, right?
So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on
the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself,
Well, thats better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder whats further up? So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to
herself, Thats great, but I wonder whats further up? And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
looking. Hmmm, better she says. But I wonder whats upstairs?
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
and help with the housework. Wow! exclaims the woman, very tempting. BUT, there must be
more further up! And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. Oh, mercy me! But just think
what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept
bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally,
the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his
questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers hed give her $50.00. The
lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star? Without
saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked, What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4
legs?
The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his
laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally,
angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, What is the
answer to your question?
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked
her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring hard at her.
When she asked him why, he said, I want to ask you something, but I dont want to offend you.
She said, You cant offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about
everything.
The cab driver then said, Well, Ive always had the fantasy of having a nun give me a blow
job.
She said, Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. First, you have to be
single, and second you have to be Catholic.
Immediately the cab driver said, Oh, yes! Im single and Im Catholic!
The nun said, Okay, pull into that alleyway over there.
The cab driver pulled into the alleyway and the nun went to it. Soon after the nun was finished,
the cab driver started crying.
The nun said, My child, whats the matter?
He said tearfully, Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I liedIm married and Im Jewish!
The nun replied, Thats okay. My names Jeff and Im on my way to a costume party!

Weve done this before, though since then weve come across 25 more things that you really
didnt need to know so without further ado (so you can get back to your life), here are 25
interesting, yet useless facts you probably didnt need to know.
1. The sentence The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog. uses every letter of the
alphabet! (see, told ya)
2. When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the
event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!
3. Most lipstick contains fish scales! (eww)
4. A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the
average automobile!
5. Cat urine glows under a black-light! (that explains why I got caught)
6. Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!
7. Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!
8. It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be
recycled an infinite amount of times!
9. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is
uncopyrightable!
10. The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of
rubber around car windows!
11. Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed
people!
12. Its illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while youre sitting on a curb in St. Louis!
13. No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!
14. The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each others
shoulders! (gay?)
15. A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel! (green?)
16. One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!
17. If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!
18. Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today its known as
Tennessee!
19. The Earth weighs around 6,600,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons (5,940 billion billion
metric tons)!
20. Its against the law to pawn your dentures in Las Vegas! (Trust me, I tried)
21. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!
22. The worlds termites outweigh the worlds humans 10 to 1!
23. Hummingbirds can weigh less than a penny!
24. The placement of a donkeys eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet at all times!
(and I cant see my own feet)
25. A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside! (and I think I saw
one eating at McDonalds the other day)

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out
there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, Come on
buddy, how about giving a guy a break?
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me
and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didnt
care. My car was parked around the corner.

An elderly man was at home, dying in bed. He smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip
cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died
He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs, and crawled into the kitchen
where his wife was busily baking cookies. With waning strength he crawled to the table and was
just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist,
chocolate chip cookie, his favourite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.
Why? he whispered. Why did you do that?
Theyre for the funeral, she replied.

A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver What an ugly baby!, said the driver
to the lady.
Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The
man next to her asked, What happened?
The driver just insulted me! she cried. Sympathetic, the man offered, That bastard,
he shouldnt have insulted you! Go, get his number. Ill hold your monkey for you.

A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American
feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation.
He asks the Frenchman, When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?
Mais oui!, of course! responds the Frenchman.
Well, says the American, we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take
to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in France.
And what about steaks? he continues. Do you eat all parts of them?
Bien sur! We do, replies the Frenchman.
You dont say! says the America, grinning. We dont! We only eat the meaty part of the steak.
The greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes
out are little steaks that we
sell in France.
Now the Frenchman is really riled . So he asks, And what do Americans do with their used
condoms?
Hey, we throw them away of course, says the American.
Ha! exclaims the Frenchman. We collect them in containers, take them to a factory and put
them through a mill. What comes out is chewing gum that we sell in America!

For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. So it wouldnt be a
boring project, he chose to find out peoples favorite pastimes. The teacher required that he
sample at least 100 people, so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building
near the university.
He knocked on the first door and a man answered.
Sir, what is your name ? ; asked the student
John ,
Sir, Im doing a school study and would like to know what is your favorite pastime ?
Watching bubbles in bath, came the reply. He liked the esoterical answer and continued down
the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again.
Sir, what is your name ?
Jeff! ,
Sir, Would you please tell me your favorite pastime ?
Watching bubbles in bath, was the answer.
Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and and
all of them had the same pastime watching bubbles in bath.
He left the building and walked across the street where there were several row houses to continue
the survey.
At the first house, he knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door.
Our surveyor starts again - What is your name?
Bubbles!

Funny Quotes
"I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime!"
"Follow your dreams... except the one when you're at school in your underwear."
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police."
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving."
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck
is the ceiling?"

I love how,
in scary movies,
the person yells out,
"Hello?"
As if the bad guy
is gonna be like,
"Yeah, I'm in the kitchen!
Want a sandwich?"

Child: Dad, I'm hungry!

Dad: Hey, Hungry!
Child: Dad, I'm serious.
Dad: I thought you were Hungry!
Child: Are you kidding me?!
Dad: No, I'm Dad!

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both, youre going to yours, and I'm going to mine.
Hello? Mother Nature?
Yes I would like to cancel
my monthly subscription...
Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up?
No I would not like to transfer
to the 9 month plan....

I'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES:

-ONCE when it's told to me
-ONCE when it's explained to me
and
-ONCE 5 minutes later when i finally understand it

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good. If you tell him you want a
second opinion, he'll go out and come in again.
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before
he realized she was Chinese.
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory
problem." The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
...
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears.
His advice: "Don't answer it."
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him,
"Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and
said, "Here, take these - if they don't work, give me a ring."
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of
cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with
you later."
Another time he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of
the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, so the doctor
gave him another six months.
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to
stop going to those places.
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor,
there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said,
"Tell him I can't see him."
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
"Doctor, doctor!! -my son just swallowed a roll of film!!" The
doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a
half for an appointment, then he says, "I wish you had come to
me sooner."

EXPRESSION NOT THE LANGUAGE

In a hotel in Ahmedabad:
It Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this
notice.
**
In a hotel lobby in Surat:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
(Surat, the city of language obscenity)
**
In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter
More persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving
is
Then going alphabetically by national order.
**
In a hotel elevator in Baroda:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
**
In a hotel in Jamnagar:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and
11 A.M. Daily.
**
In a hotel near Gujarat College, Ahmedabad:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
**
Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
**
In a hotel in Bhavanagar:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in
the
Bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
**
In a laundry in Anand:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
**
In a heritage hotel in Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
**
Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of
Kutch:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
**
In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
**
In the office of a Gynecologist in Ahmedabad:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

**
In a hotel in Bharuch:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

"I have a sore throat."

2000 BC : "Eat this root"
1200 AD : "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1500 AD : "That prayer is superstition, drink this elixir."
1800 AD : "That elixir is snake oil, Take this pill."
1950 AD : "That pill is ineffective, Take this antibiotic."
2000 AD : "That antibiotic is artificial, here why dont you eat this
root."
A short history of medicine.

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH. . .A bus stopped & 2 Italian men got

on. They sat down & engaged in an animated conversation. The
lady sitting in front of the other man ignored them at 1st, but her
attention was galvanized when she heard one of them said the
following:
"Emma comes 1st.
Den I come.
Den 2 asses come 2gether.
I come once more.
2 asses, they come 2gether again.
I come again & pee twice.
Then I come 1 lasta time."
The lady couldn't take it anymore. "You fool-mouthed sexobsessed pig!!! In this country we don't speak aloud in public
places about our sex lives," she retorted indignantly.
"Hey cooley down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' bouta sex?
I'm a justah tellin' mah frienda how to spellah MISSISSIPPI."

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading
these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and
maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT
COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. TEST KIDS
WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW
TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE
WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
NOR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS
CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY
INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO
EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN
JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD

HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING
THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE
WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE
SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO
EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO
A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTON

An interesting Chinese phone call:

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
...
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan!
It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to
anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well...just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe
Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured
and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery
Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find
this funny but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)

I KNEW A GIRL She called me to get my phone number. She missed the 44 bus
so she took the 22 bus twice. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted
to make up her mind. She tried to drown a fish. She got locked in a grocery store
and starved to death. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. She spent
20 mins looking at a orange juice box cuz it said concentrate.