IELTS Essays band 6

1. You can get up-to-date news from radio, TV

and Internet. Which one you think is the best
to know about news.
Nowadays, there are several channels to get news, such as
radio, TV, newspaper and internet. I think internet is the
best among these. In my essay, I am going to explain why
(this sentence has no value, instead you could say that
other means of the media have their advantages too,
however, there are objective reasons why Internet is the
best).
Since its invention, the Internet has been keeping booming
as a prospective industry. Not only because it is a
combination of texts, audios and videos, but also due to its
convenience. It has threatened the domination of
spreading news of the traditional media, and, I would say,
is about to take control.
We can find everything we want on internet latest news,
books, songs, movies, cartoons whatever (dont use this
word in essay, use and more instead). With radio, we
can merely hear. Compared with newspaper, radio and TV
can provide the lastest information. For instance, it was
immediately available of the breaking news of the
Americans attacking on Iraq, as well as that the Twin
Towers of New York were destroyed on September 11,
2001. __(change structure to it has made the news
aboutandimmediately available). However, we just
cannot carry TV 24/7(watch TV all day long).
Internet is a convenient way of getting information, as
long as your mobile phone is connected or you possess a
laptop. When I am on (in) a vehicle, I usually have my
cellphone connected to internet, then browse what
happened in the past few hours, or log in MSN to begin a
conversation with my friends. Reading newspaper is also
a good way to kill time, but for me, a youngster, it is not
so modern as surfing online while being transported.
The traditional media will never disappear, though
internet has taken a big advantage in (over)the
competition. And definitely, there is still a long way for
internet to go. Anyway (because of all the advantages),
internet benefits me the most, and I highly appreciate it.
This essay needs some work. It covers the task and its
structure is fine. However the structure of the sentences
needs attention (see suggestions in comments underlined
in blue). Some words likewhatever should be avoided.
Your usage of prepositions is not accurate and there are
grammatical and spelling errors as well. Overall, looks
like a Band 6.5 essay.

2. Millions of people every year move to Englishspeaking countries such as Australia, Britain or
America, in order to study at school, college or
university. Why do so many people want to study in
English? Why is English such an important
international language?
Nowadays, language becomes a major factor to become a
successful person (that affects personal success). Many
people prefer to study abroad to (in an) English-speaking
countries because English is an international language.
There is no doubt that the best way to increase the English
language skill is use English language daily so if people
study in English speaking countries, their English skill
(English skill repeats too many times) will be improved
automatically and it will give them some advantages such
as they can (opportunities to) work in many countries or
they are able travelling(able to travel) to many different
places without studying other languages. This essay will
describe more details why English is an important
international language.__(this sentence adds no value to
your essay, remove it)
Firstly, English is widely used by a lot of countries and at
the present, the world traders are currently developing
rapidly. In order to compete with people from different
countries, it is very essential (essential (you cannot say
very essential)) to be able to communicate with (in)
English language. For example, China has been improving
a lot in many sectors. They are able to compete with other
countries because many people in China aware the
important (are aware of the importance of the) English
language and they are trying hard to study English.
Secondly, many companies prefer to employ people who
can speak English because if the companies create new
branch (branches) in different countries, the employers
are able to move the new branch without employ
(employing) new people again and the branch company is
still able to communicate with the central company. In
fact, One of the largest companies in the world (Google)
has created some branch (branches) in different countries
and each of the Google employers (employees) are able to
discuss or communicate even tough they are in different
countries because they use English to communicate.
In conclusion, many people move to English speaking
countries for further studies because they believe that it
will improve their English skill and to become a
successful person in the future, mastering English is very
essential (essential (again you cannot say very essential)).
This essay is too long (313 words instead of 250-265). It
isnt a problem on its own, but wasting time to write
more content that you dont get extra marks for is not
wise. Also, the more content you write, the more room

for mistakes you create. There are a lot of poorly

structured sentences and grammatical errors (see
comments). Overall, looks like a Band 6 6.5 essay.

4. The best way to reduce the number of traffic

accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers
and to lower age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?

3.Even though globalization affects the worlds

economics in a very positive way, its negative side
should not be forgotten. Discuss.

With the rapid increase in the number of vehicles on the

road together (roads combined) with hush and rush
lifestyles of drivers today, traffic accidents seem to be
escalating in our society. Age of drivers contribute (before
starting your opinion, present the two sides of the
argument) partly to number of traffic accidents but surely
not as the main factor.

Globalization is a process of advancement and increase in

interaction between the worlds country and people. It
involes in (involves) locomotion, comunication,
knowledge and skills. Globalization is gaining speen
(speed) over the entire world. It has attract enough world
attention needed from international organization in
promoting and encouraging human right and freedom ,
opportunities, economic, social and culture rights.
However, there are some countries that are missing out the
opportunities that are offered and its taken as a big
problem to their country. They are the poorer countries
that are not connected to the people globally and their
people are unskilled due to the lack of knowledge and
equipments (equipment (no plural form)). They are also
unable to trade with the other countries which are richer
and larger as they are unable to meet the demand propose
(proposed) to them. They also will not have the
opportunities and the challenges that are require
(required).
Globalization has also encourage (encouraged) crime like
the illegal trade in drug trafficking around the world
through the air, sea and land. This has involve human
smuggling and stuffing it in anything they can come
across. This has affected (caused) a lot of problem to the
country and the family of the drug addicts. This will also
lead to other crimes like robbery and violence in the
country.
Another negative side of globalization is the dumping of
the dangerous waste to the river (rivers), sea or the ocean.
This will effect the aquactic creature (affect the aquactic
creatures), contaminate the water and cause harm to the
people too.
To conclude, globalization has done an enormous part in
the worlds economics but the international organization
should also not forget the poorer countries and the
countries should also tackle the other negative side that
affects the world.
This essay doesnt have a paragraph about the positive
side of globalization, and it should so the task is only
partially covered. The structure is fine, the paragraphs are
logically connected and usage of linking words is
sufficient. However, there are many spelling and
grammatical errors (see comments underlined in blue).
Overall, looks like a Band 6 6.5 essay.

Those who agree with the statement (it is unclear what

statement your referring to) would view young drivers
assuming under 18 years old and older drivers to be
reckless and therefore would be more prone to traffic
accidents on the road. Lack of experience, forgetfulness,
carelessness and poor fitness condition may be reasons for
limiting age of drivers.
On the other hand, I would think that age is only a small
determinant and we need to look at more effective
measure such as reducing number of vehicles on the road
through car pool, implementing more stringent regulations
on alcohol drink driving and possibly to revise on the
standard of driving test for young and old drivers on the
road. Many drivers who are stuck in traffic jams also have
busy lifestyles and therefore tend to become very stressed
or distracted on the road. Thus I would think the
government may have to look ways to improve road
infrastructure and traffic jams to deter or reduce accidents
on the road.
To sum up, age is only one of the many contributors for
accidents but I do not agree that by lowering (lowering)
age for the elderly and raising age limit for the younger
drivers is the best method. As mentioned in my third
paragraph, we need to look at other more effective
measures which deal with the underlying problems in the
society which lead to traffic accidents.
This essay needs some work. You should present two
sides of the argument, for example those in favor of X,
say those against Y point out that and leave
your own opinion for the conclusion paragraph. Stating
your opinion all over the essay is harming its structure.
See comments (underlined in blue) for more suggestions
for improvement. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

5 Some people say education is the only critical factor

to development of a country. To what extend do you
agree or disagree with this statement?

One the one hand good education is a highly

recommended skill in the developed countries, on the
other hand the highest wish (it is the highest wish) of
many people in regions of poverty. But what makes
education to the (the) key factor for the development of a
country? (instead of a question, try statement: There
are several reasons that make education a key factor)
We must acknowledge that education is something that we
all need. The differences are just what we learn. Mostly
the educational horizon of poor and less educated people
has more to deal with their personal situation than with
problems of bigger effects on a country. Attending school
is sometimes too expensive and it does not feed a family.
Nevertheless there must be a reason for education. For me
it looks like some countries have realized that Education
is the key for the globalization process. If we take India
for example we can see that a change in the educational
system had changed the economy of the country. The
(that)country has changed from a poor region to a high
potential area for IT knowledge.
In regard to this fact it is a must that the Governments of
less developed countries take the power (Rephrase (to
improve sentence structure): Government must take the
powerand offer) of education serious and offer it to
a wide range of people. Spending money for (on)
education is the key tippy title=for]to[/tippy] a new
future effects on the economy and the social life. All in all
I agree with the importance of education for the
development of a country. Less knowledge leads to
poverty and not to knowledge that has wide effects (this
expression is confusing). Learning and Knowledge is
Power and an investment in the near future and therefore
it has to be an official task.
This essay covers the task. It has a good structure,
however the conclusion paragraphs is too big
consider splitting it into 2 paragraphs. As to structure of
sentences, there are several sentences that should be
rephrased (see comments for suggestions). Grammar
also needs some attention (see underlined in blue
comments for details). Overall, looks like a band 6.5
essay.
6 Dieting can change a persons life for the better or
ruins ones health completely. Whats your opinion?
Almost 90% (use words, not digits (ninety percent)) of
the women today wants a beautiful figure. That is why we
are able to find a diet programme almost everywhere in
the country. Most of the women have thought and gone on
a diet before either to slim dowm (lose weight)or just for
(because of a) health problem.

A proper diet programme will help you not only to slim

down but also to have a healthier eating habit. For
instance taking (eating or consuming) more vegetables
and fruits that (than) meat, avoid (avoiding) fried food
and carbonated drinks. For a diet programme we shouldnt
cut one self from (deny ourselves) food and water. There
are some diet programme from the doctors that help you
to have a healthy heart like the Three day diet which we
can find on the internet. This programme allows you to eat
fruits and also some meat. This way of dieting you will be
able to avoid some of the health problems in the future
like diabetes or a heart attack.
However some people do not only go on a diet but they
avoid eating and go (stay) hungry for the whole day. All
they have is just either water or juices. Also there are
people who buy special diet programme over the counter
like taking pills (that is based on pills) which are not
approved by the health department and without consulting
a doctor first. They do not follow the basic rules of dieting
and this will lead them to some serious health problems
like disfuctional (dysfunction) of some body parts or,
even worse, death.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong going on a diet as
long as we follow the correct way of eating and for a
good reason to diet (have good reason for dieting).
This essay needs some work. It covers the task and has a
good structure. The paragraphs are logically connected
and many of sentences are structured correctly.
However there are some sentences with poor structure
and many grammatical errors (See comments
underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a band 6.5 essay.
7 Some people say that education system is the only
critical factor to development of a country. To what
extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Education plays a vital role in the development of a
country. Therefore, some people think education system is
the only important factor for the development of a country
and they may be right.
Education is a foundation of well (a well) developed and
cultured society. It is rightly said, education is a ladder
for (to) success. If all the people of any country are
educated then they becomes broadminded, civilized and
progressive forward. Educated society improves standard
of life as well.
Besides this (Besides), education also creates a good
employment opportunity and therefore country do not
have to suffer big problem like unemployment. Educated
peoples are more aware of problems (the word problems
repeats too many times) such as pollution and many

more. Country becomes technologically advanced because

of educated people.

of government and school is a lack of the key tasks that

parents have: to be a good role model.

Not only this, but by giving full importance to education,

the nations can get rid of problems like illiteracy, poverty,
unemployment and poppulation growth that retard the
progress of nation. The crime rate can also be kept under
check (control). The standard of living of the people wil
go up. If the nations wants (want) to be progressive it is
very important that the people are more educated and
progressive forward. Any country can be more
technologically advanced and developed because of
education.

Moreover it should be considerate (considered) that the

social effects of talking about money and finance in a
social diverted school class can be harmful for some
students. In my opinion it is more important to teach
parents about their responsibilities as a role model and
educate private topic in a safe and private environment.

However, there are some more factors also plays

important role in development of country. Such as
governments has to encouraged people to do so._(This
paragraph is too small, continue it by adding another 23 sentences)

This essay is not bad. It has the right structure 5

paragraphs and covers the task. The paragraphs can be
improved make them similar in size, 2nd paragraph is
too long compared to the 3rd . The grammar and
spelling need some attention and the linking words
could be used more elegantly, the details are in the
comments underlined in blue

In conclusion, I would like to say that good education

system lead to a developed country.
This essay needs some work. It has a good structure and
the sentences show enough fluency, but the last body
paragraph needs to be corrected by adding another 2-3
sentences to it. In total, the number of words here is 235
under required 250, that will cost some marks. Also
there are some repetitions and grammatical errors.
Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.
8 Financial education should be a mandatory
component of the school program. To what extent do
you agree or disagree with this statement?
In many countries the discussion about the rising financial
problems of young people has got more into focus. Tough
(inappropriate choice of word or bad spelling) some
people are voting to integrate financial education as a
schooling subject (mandatory subject at school).
The key problem for many young ones is that they dont
know how to use and spend money in the right way. The
get what you want mentality is advertised all over in the
public media and it looks like some people think that
living with interest fees (in debt) is normal. Though
financial problems in young life are very common with
the result that it is difficult to learn how to spend money
appropriated (confusing sentence, try re-writing it to
make it easier to understand). The main idea of teaching
a financial subject must be to explain about a balanced
budget and that interest fees could ruins one future.
But ( however sounds so much better than but)this
is just one side that has to be considered. For me, the main
question is why dose parents cannot give the right advice
to their kids? To give such a personal subject in the hands

All in all I think the main task of public institutions should

be to educate about common subjects and not to give such
personal advice like the use of money.

. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.

9 Financial education should be a mandatory
component of the school program. To what extent do
you agree or disagree with this statement?
Children in this modern era have all the magnificent toys,
food and lots of other interesting stuff in the market then
in the past (they used to have). They are bound to have a
craving on (for) all this stuff they see. In other words
children will be spending on anything they want or find it
interesting to them (find interesting). Even some adults
these days have some kind of craving to the thing they
find it amazing (The meaning of this sentence is
unclear).
If financial education starts at the very beginning of the
school years, this will help them to understand the value
of money. Children should also be taught to manage their
expenses and ways to spend wisely. When a child is being
taught this in the school program, the child will be able to
apply it when they are out to purchase or when have left
the school years. They will not be cheated when they are
young and will not only benefit their families but also the
country that they live when they are older.
However, there are some children that are capable to
handle the their financial (handle their finances) in a
very positive (smart) way even before they learned it from
school. These children would have learnt from their
families or people around them. They are more well
manage, compare the other children from families
background that a richer where spending are not a
problem to them.

My conclusion is, children regardless of their background

should be taught financial education from school at the
very beginning then only parents guide them from home
as well.__(This sentence is not clear because of its poor
structure)
This essay needs work. In the first paragraph you
should have introduced the problem and mentioned
what the two opinions are. Some of your sentences are
unclear and their structure needs improvement (see
comments underlined in blue for details). Also, there are
arguments for financial education and no arguments
against, which means that the task is only partially
covered. Overall, looks like a Band 6 6.5 essay.
10 Even though Globalization affects the worlds
economics in a very positive way, its negative sides
should not be forgotten, discuss.
Everything has two sides in the world, and so has the
process of globalization too (remove this word). The
effects of globalization for the world economy are
diverted (diverse).
We must acknowledge that the negative effects are from a
different kind than the positive ones. Therefore the
negative sides, like low payment (wages) in less
developed countries are important to consider.
If we take the Euro zone for example, the economicchanges according to (caused by) the globalization
process are huge. Many companies have transferred their
factories into cheaper production areas to compete at the
world markets. The results are rising unemployment rates
in the old industrial countries
In regard to the other countries on the world market, like
China, this job transfer is a big opportunity. But no one
can deny that the consequences for the less developed
countries with flurished economy, based on availability of
cheap employees are highly important: globalization
based on this facts brings environmental problems.
Nevertheless there are also positive reasons for
globlaistaional effects (positive effects to globalization).
In general it is remarkable that there is a new tendency in
Thinking Global. For instance people are willing to
learn more languages and about other cultures. Countries
formally known as undeveloped, like India, getting
chances to be the main leader (a leader) in a certain field.
All in all it can be said that the effects of globalization are
huge. The understanding of economic processes have
changed completely. It is important to think in bigger
terms, not just about the own country. The positive things
that this globalization process have brought must sensible
(must compensate) us for the negative sides. The overall

aim should be a world in balance, but this will be a long

way.
This essay needs work. There are multiple spelling
errors and unclear expressions (see comments
underlined in blue). Also there are many words that are
formed incorrectly (diverted instead of diverse, etc).
There are too many paragraphs, all you need is 4 5
well-structured paragraphs, not 7 poorly structured
ones. On the bright side, the task is covered and there
are enough words (275), which is good. The paragraphs
are logically connected and there is good usage of
linking words. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.
11 Financial education should be a mandatory
component of the school program. To what extent do
you agree or disagree with this statement?
In many countries the discussion about financial education
is getting more serious due to financial problems of young
generation. Some people believe that financial education
should be treated as a mandatory subject at school.
(Continue and mention the other side of the argument)
The common problem for those young people is that they
dont know how to spend money in right way. As we can
see many advertisements often carry out the message,
Only 10 dollars a week, no deposits it is misleading
those young one (and causes those young ones) think that
living in debt is normal. A financial education is one of
the solutions in order to solve this problem we mention
above (the above-mentioned problem). The basic idea of
financial education as a core school subject is to teach
those young ones to understand the concept of using
money, estimate a risk of finance money to buy something
in the future.
However, theres (write there is, do not use contractions
n your essay) another factor we need to consider about
(to think about/ to consider). In my opinion, the role of
financial education is getting more important and it should
be a part of the school program but the parents are also
important and have responsibility to teach their child to
learn (teach their children) how to manage the money.
More than 70% of young peoples money are coming
from their parents. In addition, it has to be considered that
a student might become money-minded person, talking
about money all the time in class or even in a public place.
It can be harmful for some students and affect their
normal social life.
In conclusion, I believe that the financial education will
have a positive effect for all young ones and other subjects
such social commutations should be considered as
important as financial education.

This essay needs work. It covers the task and presents

enough arguments for and against, the structure on
essay level is fine. However there are many poorly
structured sentences, many inappropriate expressions
and many grammatical errors (see comments underlined
in blue for more details). Overall looks like a band 6
6.5 essay.
12 Learning about the past has no value for those of us
living in the present. Do you agree or disagree? Use
specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Evaluation of the importance of timing is so important,
many people they are sticking (Poor sentence structure,
needs work) to past to show their presents importance,
while many shows (others show) that no need (there is no
need) to even remember their past because it would not
help them at all. It is very controversial and complicated
matter.
Do not look to past (Again, poor sentence structure),
many people believe on (in) this statement, for many
reasons: Firstly, all of us had committed many mistakes
which we would not like to remember, it will affect their
present because can create some problems with our
families for example. Secondly, instead of remembering
those past trials, get the benefit of your present time.
Although of what said in previous opinion, many people
sticking to their past to give them well push in their
present. It can give you (a person) a way of learning from
your (their) mistakes, and good chance to try to avoid any
thing can lead to past failure.
Moreover, Success will not come without failure, every
body should try his aim, even if failed, and it is a big
success if they try it again and again. In addition, past is
our culture and heritage which we will not forget it at all,
it is a matter of value to our present, future till will die.
To sum up, in my opinion, we can not live without past, it
is our value of life. Besides, it can create your experiences
in to solve your problems better in the future.
This essay is too short it should be at least 250 words
and writing less means loosing marks. The structure of
sentences needs work and so does grammar. Do not
address the audience, write in general (See the
comments for the last sentence of third paragraph).
Overall, looks like a Band 6 work. See comments
underlined in blue for more details.
13 Some people think that it is important to use leisure
time for activities that improve the mind, such as
reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that
it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
Discuss.

As we are a human we naturally need to take rest on (in

our) leisure time to recover (recover from) the stress of
work and everyday life. In fact, every individual need to
do what they want and belong to them (this expression is
confusing). Personally, I prefer to be active during this
time because it is feel right to me better (confusing
expression, maybe you mean because it feels better?).
Moreover, people are free for (to choose) what they do on
(in) their leisure time, and nobody can say what it
(activity) is the best.
Some people want to relax after their working day. These
people prefer to relax by watching movies, reading or
doing some massage. People who have physically active
jobs such as doctor, teacher and builder may choose these
type of activities. If you are doctor, you may feel that you
want to take rest for your body after work and you dont
want to do a five kilometer run after work, because you
are already physically tired.
On the other hand, some people choose to be active on
their leisure time because they do very sitting jobs (not
move much on their jobs). For example, these people
many spend all day sitting on a chair and do (doing) their
work. At the end of a working day, they might have a
backache, and all of their body become (might become)
tired so they need to stretch their arms and improve their
health by doing some activity such as going to the gym or
swimming.
To sum up, the important things that people want to stay
healthy by choosing what is best for them. In my view, the
wrong way to stay at home in your leisure time if you
have a sitting job.
This essay needs work. It has the right structure and
covers the task. However there are many poorly
structured sentences, many of the sentences are too
simple and dont have enough complexity, there are
grammatical errors and incorrect usage of prepositions
(see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a
Band 6 6.5 essay.
14 The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in
population, This is causing problems not only for poor,
undeveloped countries, but also for industrialized and
developing nations. Describe some of the problems that
overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one
possible solution.
Nowadays, the population increases dramatically in most
countries around the world. This is true for developed and
developing nations. Overpopulation causes different
number of problems. However, government can solve
these problems by many solutions.

There are several problems that raising number of people

in undeveloped countries causes. Firstly, it is very difficult
to provide enough food for all people. Secondly, the
government limit the number of children per family to
educate (that are allowed to be educated) in the school. In
addition, in poorest countries usually have a lot of
unemployment as well (higher unemployment rates), and
when the population increase the number of
unemployment increases. Finally, when too many people
live on the land, the environment suffers.
There are different problems that overpopulation causes in
rich nations. Firstly, it is very difficult for governments to
provide helpful public services in overcrowded cities.
Moreover, there is generally a great deal more crime such
as using drugs, killing people, steeling, and ect (avoid
using etc in essay). Which that (, which is) often because
of high rates of unemployment.
However, overpopulation problems in both (both
developed and undeveloped) nations have two main
solutions which it dealt with by governments. Firstly,
government must educate people to limit size of the
family. For example, in China they have a policy call one
cild policy which it is limit size of the family to have one
or two children but that it is beginning to have an effect in
the worlds most crowded nation.
To sum up, if the population impulsive increase continues,
many more people will die of hunger in poor countries.
Also, in rich nations, the life in the cities will become
more and more difficult.
This essay covers the task and has a good content.
However there are several areas to improve. Grammar
needs more attention (see comments underlined in blue).
First paragraph, last sentence repetition of solve and
solution, better say can find many solutions to those
problems. Third paragraph, last sentence poor
structure, looks unfinished. Overall, looks like a Band 6
6.5 essay.
15 Dieting can change a persons life for the better or
ruins ones health completely. Whats your
opinion?
Dieting seems to be part (a part) of our life in this modern
society, especially for those who are health conscious.
Different people choose different type of dieting methods,
trying to achieve what they believe to be good for either
their health or physical appearance. In general, most of the
people who diet are focusing on controlling their weight.
In our urban society, most of the working class person
does (people / persons do)not have the opportunity to

consume a healthy meal (healthy meals). Their daily

meals consist of fast food which contains high amount of
fat and salt. The most significant proof of this unhealthy
lifestyle is weight gain especially among those middle age
working professionals.
Therefore, most of these young and energetic people have
to control their diet in order to stay in shape either for
their appearance or health. The most common and proper
method of maintaining ones weight is eating less oily
food, preferably more green vegetables, fruits and avoid
(avoiding) alcohol.
However, some have restore to loosing weight by
restricting their diet to the very minimal or to some
extreme, not eating at all for days. Others will make
themselves vomit after each meal. Many others will go for
dieting medication and beverages that cause them to loose
their appetite. These unhealthy dieting (ways of dieting)
will cause internal damage in the long run.
In my opinion, dieting for better health is more important
than solely for looking attractive. Individual who wish to
control their weight should seek professional advice if
they are unable to reduce their weight after switching over
to a healthy diet for a period of time. Loosing weight and
loosing your health together does not benefit any
individual.
This essay needs some work. The first body paragraph
explains the reason people have for dieting, whereas it
should explain what are the advantages or the dangers
of it. The second body paragraph explains how to diet,
whereas it should present arguments for or against
dieting. Therefore, the task is only partially covered
here.
On the bright side, the sentences are well-structured and
the vocabulary is sufficient, the usage of linking words
is smooth and the spelling and grammar are mostly fine
(see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a
Band 6 essay.
16 People attend college or university for many
different reasons (for example, new experiences, career
preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your
answer.
Many people attend to university or collage (attend
university or college) after their high school years for
several reason which they choose by them self (on their
own). I believe the most reason that why people attend to
university or collage (Replace this expression- do not use
the same one 2 times in a row) to have new experiences

on life , to prepare for career, and to increase their

knowledge of their personality on life.

Therefore, using them as labor force is considered an

unacceptable action.

Firstly, many people tippy title=attend to university or

collage]again, repetition[/tippy] to have new experience
on life. Many students leave their home and move to live
by them self (by themselves) when they go to university.
This is the first time that they had to create resolution by
them self (by themselves) without their parents help.
Creating resolution will increase their knowledge of
themselves. Moreover, students on the (of the) university
can meet different students from different nationalities
and religions so students can learn about different cultures
around the world.

First of all, children are not workers. They have just

known about the vast world and do not have any
experiences as well as conceptions about working. Since
these innocent children are naive and lack of life
experiences (inexperienced), they are easily cheated and
exploited. There are a lot of examples about this in poor
nations. Because using children is cheap and easily (they
are easy) to control, many enterprises hire them with a
little money paid. Although the government in these
countries has tried their best, this kind of taking advantage
of children cannot be eliminated.

Secondly, many people go to university or collage to

prepare for career. Career training is becoming more
important nowadays to young people than old people. At
collage, students learn many skills about the real career
life and they intern to (enter an) internship with a lot of
chances. All of these things (avoid using the word thing
in IELTS essay) prepare them for the career life.

Moreover, children do not need such things called

valuable work experience or important for learning and
taking responsibility. The brief responsibility of children
is learning. They are not old enough to understand what
working experiences are. Nevertheless, they can help
parents do chores or housework. This will be much better
way for them to become more responsible for family (for
the sake of their family). In addition, childhood is one of
the most remarkable memories and must not be taken by
forcing them to work.

Also, students attend to university or collage to increase

their self-knowledge of their personality on (in) life. They
attend for that to (so that they could) increase their
knowledge in subject which they find interesting. For
example, many students study science because they are
interested in science but they work on the business area
(in that kind of business).
To sum up, I think people should not only focus on a
career when they go to university or collage. They have to
follow to have new experience and knowledge about their
personality and the huge world around them which they
live in.
This essay needs much work. There are many
grammatical errors, incorrectly used prepositions and
inaccurate expressions (see comments underlined in
blue). There are many repetitions of the same
expressions try to avoid that as much as possible. The
task is covered, the paragraphs are connected by linking
words but the usage is rather primitive. Overall,
looks like a Band 6 essay.

In conclusion, since all children are the great concern of

parent and society, they should be allowed to enjoy life
and educated (be educated) rather than encouraging them
(be encouraged) to work. Hence, one must ponder what
view is actually appropriate for the sake of children.
This is a good essay. It covers the task, the paragraphs
are coherent, the sentences are well-structured and the
vocabulary is adequate. However a little structural
change in the paragraphs is required first make the
point (such as Some say that children should learn
about earning money and then oppose to it However,
children can not be compared to adult workers). Also,
there were some inaccuracies (see comments underlined
in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.
18 Even though globalization affects the worlds
economics in a very positive way, its negative side
should not be forgotten. Discuss.

17 In many countries, children are engaged in some

kind of paid work. Some people regard this as
completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable
work experience, important for learning and taking
responsibility. What is your opinion on this?

Everything has two sides and the globalization is not the

(an) exception. Our first thoughts about this topic include
the process of global McDonaldisation and, generally
speaking, spreading the one, American, lifestyle (one
specific, American , lifestyle) across the whole Globe.

In the Third World, children are usually sent to factories

for labor work. Many people believe that is merely
exploitation, while others think it is good opportunities for
them to have (gain) life experience. In any case, children
have their right to live and study in peaceful conditions.

Firstly, I would try to concentrate on the positive aspects

of globalization. As far as economics is concerned,
institutions like the Global Bank or IMF are always
focused on developing the Third World and helping poor
people to combat their life obstacles (through loans and

donations). Moreover, the world becomes an area of

sharing the thoughts (e.g. philosophical or economical
doctrines), which become popular due to lack of barriers.
However, disadvantages of globalization are also widely
known. Some people maintain that because of this
process, the spirit of countries and nations rapidly
disappears. The integrity, established hundreds of years
ago is on the verge of collapse. Furthermore, theres a
strong lobby of communists who reckon (think), that the
globalization indicates uncontrolled reign of capitalists
and slave work of lower labour-class. We should never
forget about detrimental impact of global investments on
environment green house effect or soar rains are
triggered by globalization.
To sum up, globalization has both positive and negative
influence on our everyday life. I cant agree with the
popular statement that we should try to avoid being
affected by it. However, we must not forget about our
surroundings and local communities. They have
invaluable values which should last forever.
This essay is too short (233 words instead of mandatory
250) and that will be penalized. On the bright side, it
covers the task and has a sound structure on essay level.
The paragraphs are coherent and logically connected by
linking words; the sentences are well-structured and the
vocabulary is adequate. There were some inaccuracies,
see comments underlined in blue. Overall, looks like a
band 6 essay.
19 The best way to reduce the number of traffic
accidents is to raise age limit for the younger drivers
and to lower age limit for the aged ones. Do you agree?
Traffic accidents are on the raise these days. Most of the
accidents caused (have caused) injuries or either worse (,
even worse, ) death. Research have found that most of the
accidents are cause by inexperienced drivers, for example
young drivers.
Young drivers tend to be more daring and are unable to
avoid a crush when face with an on coming one. They
tend to be more daring after some drinks of alcohol at
night and cause them to lose control of the car. Drink
driving will not only cause your own life but may also
cause an innocent life to be lost.
The government should encourage the driving schools to
conduct driving lessons to young drivers for a longer
period. This will give them a clear picture about how
accidents happen and the safety of others on the road.
Drivers that have meet with an accident after drink driving
should be banned from driving for at least two years and
be given driving lessons again.

However, for the aged drivers, the government should not

only lowered (lower) the age but also check the capability
of the aged drivers for instance eyesight, hearing and
other related health conditions to save driving. It does not
mean that an aged person are (is) not fit to drive and have
a problem with the heart but a young or middle aged man
could also have a change of heart failure these
days.___(poorly structured and therefore confusing
sentence)
To conclude, I feel that to raise the age limit of young
drivers is not the best solution but to give them more
driving lessons (to educate them) about the problem they
will encounter on the road and to ban them from driving if
they have cause an accident due to carelessness. As for the
age (aged) drivers, as long as they are capable on the road
before a certain age and no health issues there shouldnt
be a problem.
This essay is too long; you have written 305 words
instead of the advised 250-265. In the first paragraph
you should have presented the topic of argument an the
two opinions. The main issue here is multiple spelling
and grammatical errors, see comments underlined in
blue for more details. The task is covered, the
paragraphs are coherent and logically connected by
linking words. Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.
20 Most high level positions in companies are filled by
men even though the workforce in many developed
countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies
should be required to allocate a certain percentage of
these positions to women.
The inequality between men and women is always a
significant issue in their (our) society. Besides that
(Besides), it is undeniable that most vital positions in
companies are taken by male not female. Therefore, there
exist a statement (It can be argued) that companies
should allocate to women a certain number of these
positions. However, I do not totally agree with this
requirement.
In some feudal countries, it was true to say that the society
favours the male, and at that time the inequality occurred
extremely. Up to the present moment, it stills to happen
(still happens) in some developing countries; also it is
greatly involved to womens right (confusing expression).
A huge number of women in these countries are not
allowed to go to work or even go to public places. In this
case, this is not an individual issue, but it is a (a) social
problem. The governments should have some solution to
react with (handle) this tendency, and at the same time
they should promulgate a new legislation to protect
womens rights.

On the other hand, the global economy is developed

rapidly nowadays. In most corporations, they do not
(management does not) distinguish men or women; they
only focus on working efficient. In this world, any
employees who own enough abilities and work in an
effective way, that person will (can) be promoted to a
high (higher) position. Therefore, allocating for women
the high level positions in companies is not necessary.
Moreover, the evidence of women takes place in an
essential position cannot count by fingers (are countless).
Those women are very successful in their work and their
lives.

As far as the differential pricing is concerned, the local

government subsidizes the tickets for the citizens to
promote national heritage and create more interest /
awareness / national pride.

In conclusion, although the inequality between men and

women is improved, it still is a social issue worth to
concern (a thought). Personally, in my opinion we should
create many opportunities for women to have an equal life
as we can.

Arguments against

This essay needs some work. It has a good structure, the

paragraphs are coherent, the usage of linking words is
sufficient and the task is covered. On the other hand, the
grammar needs much attention, the structure of the
sentences should be worked on and there were some
unclear expressions used. See comments underlined in
blue for more details. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.
21 Some people think that foreign visitors should be
charged more than locals when they visit culture and
tourist attractions in a country. To what extent do you
agree or disagree?
.Suggested essay plan

In addition, in several poor countries, there is no way a

common person can afford the kind of prices that these
monuments deserve. This is a dent in the government
coffers, but it is a decision in the national interest which
the tourism department of the government has the right to
make.

Its not in the best interest of a nation to ask for more from
foreign tourists as it clearly shows that the government
considers foreigners a source of easy money. These people
have traveled thousands of miles to understand ,
experience and praise the historical and cultural jewels,
which are a treasure for the entire mankind and not just
one nation . Hence, charging them a hefty premium is
immoral.
Moreover, this differential pricing works as a deterrent for
people from underdeveloped and developing nations who
could have visited tourist attractions in foreign countries,
but missed out due to the combination of high price and
unfavorable exchange rate.
Conclusion
Summarize the ideas above, do not add new information.

Introduction
Your introduction paragraph would be a good place to
explain that the practice of charging foreign visitors a
premium is something that several countries do for logical
and economic reasons.
Arguments in favor

Vocabulary
premium, differential pricing, immoral, mankind, treasure
heritage, coffer, historical and cultural jewels, deterrent