MariaClara,ManilaGirl&theotherMary.

PremaritalSexintheCatholicPhilippines:
ConstructionsofSeduction

BellaEllwoodClayton *

HowdoyoungwomenintheCatholicPhilippinesmakesenseoftheirpremaritalsexual
experiences, and why is firstsex often described as forced ? Based on ethnographic
research conducted in the semiurban town of Kalibo, I present narratives which
highlightwomensdilemma:tofollowthebodysilent(theirownunvoiceddesires)orthe
bodysocial (hegemonic gender norms). Structuring womens choices are three types of
femininity models: Maria Clara, the Manila Girl, and the other Mary. I demonstrate
how, despite yearnings for modernity, traditional postulates inform womens decision
making. I also explore how the disavowal of desire is crafted to counter negative
evaluation, but how this same tactic, used to protect a womens reputation, leaves her
greatlyvulnerabletosexualhealthrisks.

When Gemma was 22, she worked in Manila, held a clerical position and lived in a dormitory
thathadaliberalcurfewofmidnight.SherarelythoughtofherfamilybackinKalibo,andshe
enjoyedanurbanlifestyle,thoughsheprayedregularlywithrosariesandhadstrongconvictions
aboutGod.Gemmahadneverhadaseriousboyfriend,norletanyofhersuitorsdomorethan
kissher.

ThenGemmametNoel.Noelwasverygwapo(handsome)andconsiderate,ayearyoungerthan
herself,andfromamiddleclassfamilylikeherown.AtfirstGemmaconsideredhimbarkadalang
(afriendonly).However,theirfriendshipdevelopedoverthemonthsofJunetoSeptember.One
nightNoelasked,Arewegoingtodothis?Goonasfriends,orbeacouple?

OK,Gemmasimplyreplied.

Due to work and study commitments, Gemma and Noel didnt see each other very often. But
they did create time to spend together on Saturday and Sunday. Noel would pick up Gemma
from her dormitory, from where they would either go to the mall to window shop, watch a

Bella EllwoodClayton is a cultural anthropologist. She lives in Melbourne, Australia. Bella

completed her PhD at the University of Melbourne about young Filipinas lived sexualities.
She has published numerous articles and spoken internationally about the relationship
between technology and love, focusing specifically on cyber communication. Bella now
writesapopularweeklysexandrelationshipcolumnfortheAustraliannewspapermXand
frequentlyappearsontelevisionandradioasasexandrelationshipexpert.Bellaisalsothe
AustralianambassadorofSextxt,aninitiativebyMarieStopesInternationaltoprovidesexual
health information to Australian youth through SMS. For more information see
www.drbella.com.au

Pilipinas #46 March 2006

Pilipinas #46 March 2006

movieorstroll,orsitsidebysideatabar,sharingafewbottlesofbeer.Afterthis,Noelwould
escortGemmahome.

Threemonthsafterdecidingtobeacouple,GemmaandNoelhadtheirfirstkissinsideamovie
house.Gemmadescribeditassloppy,becausewecantmove!Smiling,sheexplained,Itwasour
firsttimeforeverything.

Kissing would always take place in the movie house or on the stairs of the dormitory, where
darknesshidtheirmovements.

Soon after, Noels hands began pressing against Gemmas breasts, with pettingpetting
followingsuit.

Atfirst,therulewasnobelowthebelt,Gemmaexplained.Andhowcouldwedoitanyway?given
themoviehouse,stairs,andhertwelveoclockcurfew.

Didyoufeeldesire?Iaskedher.
Thedesireatfirstwasoutofcuriosityandthenitfeltgood,sosometimesIthoughtaboutit,andIcant
waittoseehimIimaginedbeingwithhim,whatwouldhappenalthoughIwasnervousalsobecauseof
theconservativesideofmemyfamilyvaluesalwayssurface.

Inodded,becausenow,asaclosefriendofGemmas,Iknewthistobetrue:herdualnatureof
curiousadventurerManilaGirlaswellasdutiful,Catholicdaughter,likeMariaClara.

Weekslatereverythingchanged.

Theyhadbeenstrollingand,aswastheirhabit,hadgoneoutfordrinks.Atthebar,Noelaskedto
seeGemmaswatch.Heslippeditoffherwristandtuckeditintohispocket.Timelapsed.Hegot
mywatch,soofcourseIcannotsay,Itsalmosttwelveoclocknow,soyouhavetodropmehome,
Gemma explained. Then I find out its after twelve already, so the dorm already closed, and then he
asked me ifyou know, I was really innocent at the timehe asked me if we can stay together, but my
interpretationistogoandsleep,literallytogether.

GemmasaidthatshedidntexpectanythingtohappenbyjoiningNoelinthemotelcloseby.But,
intheroomthetwobeganbelowthebeltpetting.

Howdidyoufeel?Iaskedher.

Nervous.Thefaceofmymumiscrowdingmymind.
GemmawasafraidofembodyingbehavioroftheotherMary,thesexualdeviant.

NoelbegantryingtomakelovetoGemma,toenterherbody.

Ithurt,whenhetried,itdidnthappen.Imcrying.Iwasnotrelaxed.Hesaid,OK,Imnotgoingto
forceyou.Justhugme,itsnoproblem.

ThenextweekendGemmaandNoelfoundthemselvesatthesamebar.AgainNoelslippedthe
watchoffGemmaswristandtuckeditintohispocket.Beforetoolongitwaspastmidnightand
Gemma was once more stranded. They went back to the same motel and tried to make love

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

again,yetnothinghappened.Iwasabitshy,quiteembarrassed,Ifeltpity 1 forhimandthenwetried
again,explainedGemma.Ithoughttomyself,Ihavetodothissoon,becauseIwasembarrassed.

Embarrassed?

Becausehewassoecstaticaboutit.

The following week, after Noel slipped Gemmas watch into his pocket, the real thing
happened.

Icriedalot.Notjustoutofguilt,butpain.Whenheentered,Icry,Ievenscratch.Ikeptsaying,Noit
hurts,sohejustendedupmasturbatinginthebathroom.Thenextday,itwasreallyhurtingIdidnt
evengointotheoffice. 2 Noelwasveryworried.

Andhowdidyoufeel?

He was happy because he got me, all virgin and everything. In a way I felt guilty, yes guilt to my
family,butIlovehimsoitsOK.

In the following few months, the young couple had sex five more times. After the third time,
Gemma began to feel sensations of pleasure. Like almost all of the respondents with whom I
spoke,thesameformofcontraceptionwasused:Hetoldmeheknowshowtowithdraw.

Sudden news came: Noel would soon be moving to join relatives in the UK, where he could
searchforbetterworkopportunities.

Andthenhewasgone,asthoughhehadneverbeenthereatall.

Afterenduringlongheartbreak,GemmareturnedtoKalibotolivewithherfamily.Sheisnowin
lovewithamarriedmanwithwhomshedevelopedarelationshipthroughtexting. 3 Gemmafeels
greatconfusionaboutthisrelationshipaswellasgreatsorrowatbeingnearly30yearsofageand
husbandless.

From this case study we are privy to the sequencing of a young womans thoughts as she
transgressestheculturalcodeofchastityandletsherbodyandheartguideher.Gemmasstory
illustrates womens willingness to defer to mens assertion that they are in control of
contraception, and hence the practice of unsafe sex. The importance of nonverbal cues of
acquiescenceisalsohighlighted.Afterthefirstwatchincident,Gemmacertainlyknewwhatthe
removal of the watch signified. Speaking to the ambivalence, contradiction and dangers

InthePhilippinespityisoftenusedasareasontoacceptasuitorasaboyfriendorin
casessuchasthis,tosurrendertomensdesires.

Common in womens stories of first sex are accounts of severe physical pain, whereby
regularworkand/oractivitiesthenextdayareconceivedofasimpossible.

For further discussions about the role of the cell phone in modernday Philippines see:
EllwoodClayton(2003,2005,2006).

Constructions of Seduction

Pilipinas #46 March 2006

associated with premarital sex in the Catholic Philippines, Gemmas tale demonstrates how
young women are positioned within complex and oftentimes, competing desires. Herein, I
further examine how young women construct premarital sexual experiences away from self
accountability,therebythreateningtheirwellbeingandsexualhealth.Particularattentionwillbe
paidtothephenomenonoffirstsexasforced.

Writings on many cultures have focused on marriage as a defining moment in womens lives.
White (1992: 98), for example, argues that marriage is the turning point in a womans life, the
major rite of passage, on which all her fortunes depend. My fieldwork, howeverconducted
overtheyearsof2001to2003inKalibo,asemiurbantownsituatedonPanayIsland,thecentral
Philippinespoints to first/premarital sex as perhaps more significant in terms of womens life
path.

TheoutcomeofpremaritalsexhasmultiplepotentialmanifestationsinaFilipinaslife.Premarital
sexcanresultinrelativelyhappyorunhappymarriages;separationandheartbreak;(unwanted
orearly)pregnancy;socialandpersonalstigma;andpossiblehealthrisksofsexuallytransmitted
infections, including HIV/AIDS. As such, identifying both the macro and micro factors which
contextualizeyoungwomensearlysexualdecisionmakinghasimportantvalue.

IntryingtobetterunderstandhowyoungFilipinasnavigateinashiftingworldwherealliances
totraditionandacalltothefutureseemtoholdequalsway,Iemployaclassificatoryschemaof
MariaClara,ManilaGirlandOtherMarygendermodels.IarguethatwomeninKalibonegotiate
betweentwobodiesservingdifferentinterests,thebodysilenttheirowndesires,sexualhealth,
andcuriositiesandthebodysocial:handmaidentowiderfemininitynorms.

Before turning to womens telling of their experiences of premarital sex, I first discuss my
methodological and theoretical underpinnings, give a brief overview of the sexual health
vulnerabilityofFilipinoyouth,andsituatechastityintheFilipinolandscape.

place&method
JustafterSeptember11myFilipinaresearchassistantandImovedintoalargeapartmentinthe
town of Kalibo, population 63,000. Kalibo is situated close to the popular tourist destination,
Boracay. Kalibo has a bustling town centre and its streets are filled with uniformed students,
trikes, churches, fruit stands, office workers, beggars, bars, internet cafes and yapping packs of
skinnydogs.

To gain an indepth understanding of young womens lives (aged 1529) from varying socio
economic groups, I applied standard anthropological methodologies. This included participant
observation(beinginandbelongingtosocialactivities),focusgroupdiscussions(sharingideasin
groups), surveys (gathering quantitative data) and, once authentic relationships had been
formed,indepthinterviewing.

Semistructured interviews were conducted with fifty young women with a median age of 21
yearsold.EightysixpercentofintervieweeswereRomanCatholic(correspondingtothe90%of
totalresidentsinKalibo) 4 andapproximatelyonequarterweremarried,theremaindersingle.I

NonCatholic respondents included a small number of Muslim participants, and a few

membersofJehovahsWitnessandtheChristianAglipayChurch.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

chose to focus on the heterosexual experience and collected data from women with varying
degrees of sexual exposure, ranging from women who had never been kissed, to women with
casual boyfriend experience, and those who were married, or had livein partners. I also
conducted approximately thirty interviews with community players, including health
practitioners,religiousheads,socialcommentatorsandartists.5

HowwasIabletogetyoungwomentotalktomeaboutsomethingasprivateassex?Whatwas
theentrypointintosuchasensitivearea?AndhowwasIviewedbyrespondents?

By living in the local community and by being in an age category similar to my participants,
manyoftheresearchsubjectsbecamemyfriends.Iworkedtoslowlybuildrapportwitheach
womanor,inothercases,myresearchassistantsdidso.Usuallyrelationshipsbeganwithsmall
talk,followedbyregularvisits,outingstogether,thesharingoffeelingsandeventualdeveloping
ofcareforoneanother.Thenatureofourfriendshipsallowedforthemutualsharingofintimate
narratives regarding love, sex and relationships. What I asked of them, I was happy to share
myself,andIdid.Thepromiseofconfidentialityand,Ibelieve,thesafeopportunitytodisclose
their secrets to a woman outside their social group, was a cathartic and maybe liberating
experienceforsome.

As for how I was regarded by respondents, I am not entirely sure. I think that for many I
symbolized the Manila Girl side of themselves or, their imaginings. That I was in the country
alonemeantIwasindependent;doingajobIliked,thusprofessional;livingintheapartmentthat
I did have and having employees, moneyed; dressing stylishly, sophisticated; and that I was
singlebutenamoredwithloveitselfmeantIwaslikemanyofthem.Suchgiftsinsights,lessons,
experiencesthe women of Kalibo gave me. Research participants often acted as companions,
frequentlyasclosefriends,andalwaysasteachers.ForthatIhavegreatgratitude.

mariaclara,manilagirl,&theothermary
ThroughoutthisarticleIapplythenotionofscriptfromGagnonsandSimons(1984,1986,1987)
workonsexualscripts.Culturallydeterminedsexscriptsofferguidancetosocialactors,suchas
howoperatingsyntaxrelatestolanguage.Exposuretoscriptstutorscommunitymembersabout
which situations are erotic, as well as when, where, why and with whom. Operating
interpersonally and intrapsychically, sex scripts teach social actors how to decipher what they
arefeeling,howtomanagetheirdesiresand,howtointerpretresults(SuggsandMiracle1993:
171). As well as designating what is sexually acceptable, scripts also cast specific forms of
behaviourtaboo.Itisimportanttonotethatadolescenceisacriticaltimetoappropriatecultural
scriptsandthatthenatureofscriptingishighlygendered(Simon&Gagnon,1987).

Inmanysocietieslocaldemarcationsexisttodeterminewhetherawomanisessentiallygoodor
bad.Oftensuchevaluationisbaseduponawomansperceivedsexualbehavior. 6 Law(2000:126)

Data were also informed by young mens experiences and analysis of popular culture
(newspapers,magazines,radio,television,andfilm).

Forcontemporarycrossculturalexamplessee:inLombok,Bennett(2002a;2002b);inBali,
Jennaway(2002:8587);amongHmongyouthinAustralia,Liamputtong(2002:251125);
inBangladesh,Rozario(2002:45).

Constructions of Seduction

Pilipinas #46 March 2006

argues that in the Philippines, Catholicism mediates the subject positions of women through
binarycodesofMadonnaversuswhore,demonstratinghowreligiouscreedsprovideanedifice
ofnationalideologiesandsexualities.

AccordingtoLaw(2001:234)theCatholiclabellingofwomenaswhoresorMadonnasplaysan
important role in defining, identifying, or being the other Mary. I would contend that this
termderiving from gender ideologies based on Spanishinfluenced postulates of honour and
shamenot only encompasses the commercial sex worker, but also the perceived casual sex
seeker, the unwed mother, the raped woman, the separated woman, and to a lesser extent, the
mistress.Indeed,priortobecomingasexworker,womenoftenexperienceoneormoreofthese
roles(Chat&McIlwaine,1995;Hilsdon,2003;Pollock&Sturdevant,1992).

One of the most important concepts here concerns othering, whereby larger ideological
structures endorse womens separation from each other through the mechanism of
stigmatization. As Ramazanoglu (1989: 153) states, Religious ideas, practices and institutions
actively,thoughincontradictoryways,shapewomenslives,identities,andsenseofworth,and
solegitimateandaccentuatedivisionsbetweenwomen.InthePhilippines,divisionrestsupon
glorified notions of the Virgin Mary contrasted to the morally bankrupt, depraved other Mary.
We see examples of this in the ways in which sex workers are alienated as a distinctly foreign
femininity.

Discussing stereotypes about Filipina sex workers and their marginalization from mainstream
society,Pollock&Sturdevant(1992:41)write:Thestereotype,mostimportantly,makesithard
forwomentoleavetheindustry,astheyknowthattheimageofthesinfulwomanwillcontinue
tohoundthemevenaftertheyleavethatwork.Rejectedfromtherespectableworld,theonly
inevitabilityisthatthesexworkerwillbeperceivedirrefutablyastheOther(ibid:316317).

InanotherstudyaboutsexworkinthePhilippines,ChantandMcIlwaine(1995:254)arguethat
a farreaching implication of sex work is the distance it sets up between one group of women
andtherestofthefemalepopulace.Moreover,theyassert:Inattempttodissociatethemselves
from sex workers, most women, as we have seen, not only dress demurely to be considered
respectable [e.g. long sleeves and hems], but must refrain from smoking, drinking alcohol or
changing boyfriends on a regular basis as well. Thus the freedom of women in mainstream
society is curtailed so as to distinguish themselves from their fallen counterparts (ibid: 253
255).

Duringfieldwork,myintervieweesspokeaboutwomenofgoodvirtueembodyingMariaClara
femininity. Celebrated in Jose Rizals renowned literary work Noli Me Tangere (1912), the
characterofMariaClarahascometobesymbolicofthevirtuesandnobilityofFilipinawomen.
IdealfemininitywasconceptualizedbyRizalasademure,selfeffacingbeautywhoseplacewas
onthepedestalofmalehonour(Yoder,2003).

Consensus is found among researches about meanings of the commonly termed, Maria Clara
syndrome.Tanetal.(2001:104)describeitasastereotypedfemalepersonaofmodesty,docility,
andsubmissiveness.Torres(2002:33)depictsitassubterfugeandtherepressionoffeelingsof
physicalattractiontowardsaman,whichwasthesocialprescriptionin19thcenturyPhilippines.
BlancSzanton (1990: 368) characterizes Maria Clara as pure, virginal, and grand ladies. And
Church(1986:6)aversthatMariaClaraqualitiessuchasbeingreserved,soft,yieldingandloyal
are the egoideal for women, as are women who are maternal, actively supportive and

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

permissive with husbands considered superlative. Being sexually circumspect underlies all
descriptionsofMariaClara.

Women in Kalibo apply notions of being conservative, traditional, or like Maria Clara in
theirdescriptionsofidealfemininebehaviour,ascontrastedtothosewhoaresexuallyavailable.
Suchdualisticcoding,however,isrigid,notallowingwomentonegotiatebetweenthetwo,nor
illustrative of the greater variation upon which women nominally traverse. And so a third
category,arisingfrommyethnographicdata,isgiventowomenwhoaresituatedambivalently
betweentheseextremes.IcallhertheManilaGirl.

Embodying notions of sophistication and modernity, the Manila Girl competes with traditional
dichotomiesofMariaClaraandotherMaryarchetypes.TheManilagirldepictswomenwhoare
to varying degrees liberal, as contrasted to province girls, who are considered nave and
lackingintaste.TheManilaGirlissomewhaturbane(ideologicallyorphysically).Sheexplores
(her feelings, her body). She is exposed to western media and popular culturefilm, songs,
fashionand this influences her fantasy life. If economically viable, it also influences her
consumption habits, whereby she will shop, desiring icons of urban middleclass modernity
(Hills,1998).TheManilaGirlexperiments;bendsrules;often,iseducated.Togainfreedomfrom
theconservativeeyesoffamilymembers,theManilaGirlsometimeslies.Sheflirts(usingcyber
means).Shehaslargedreams.

Interestingly, Johnsons (1996: 102) analysis of gay (male) beauty contestants in the Southern
Philippines draws parallels to my classificatory schema. Some contestants, Johnson reports,
identified themselves with a shy, quiet, selfeffacing image of femininity, defined primarily in
termsofmotherhoodanddomesticityIwouldargue,theMariaClaramodel.OthersJohnson
found projected themselves as progressive, educated, independent, glamorous, sophisticated,
cosmopolitanwomen:aquintessentialdescriptionoftheManilaGirl.

AnneMarieHilsdon(2003:20),too,inherstudyofyoungMuslimMaranaoFilipinas,discovered
that, while attempting to adhere to traditional sexual prescriptions, young women also sought
different ways of being modern. Hilsdon explores how womens everyday lives are becoming
part of the global system of exchange commodities, particularly though communication
technologies,suchasoverseassoapoperas(ibid:21).

TheManilaGirlisanebulouscategory,bynomeanscompleteorunchanging.Sheexpandsand
thenshrinks,pushesforwardandthenretreats.Situatedambivalentlyamongcontradictions,the
ManilaGirlgivescredencebothtotraditionalism(MariaClaravirtue),butalsopositionsherself
asforwardthinkingandcosmopolitan. Withhermobilephoneinonehandandherrosaryinthe
other,shealignsherselftotheglobalOther. 7

InthePhilippines,asinmanypartsoftheworld,theglobalculturalOtherisoftenconceptualized
intermsofAmerica(Johnson1996:91).Cannell(1995)usesthenotionofimaginedAmericainher
examinationofpopularcultureinBicol,thelowlandPhilippines.Discussingcolonialmentality,
Cannell(1995:225)arguesthatBicolanos

For a similar discussion see Mary Beth Mills (1998) regarding Thai women and
modernity.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

think about the Philippines with reference to somewhere else. Usually, that
somewhereisAmerica,andusuallythecomparisonsstressthattheoutsideor
distant placethe imagined Americais a place of power, wealth, cleanliness,
beauty,glamour,andenjoyment.

Conceptually, this is terrain where the Manila Girl positions herself. Yet, although her outlook
maybeprogressive,whenitcomestosexuality,notionsofhonourandshamerarelyescapeher.

DuetothestrongSpanishpresenceinthePhilippinesthroughoutthecolonialperiod,itishardly
surprising that PittRivers (1966) account of honour and shame in the Andalusian region and
Gutierrezs (1991) account of sexuality in New Mexico, also colonised by the Spanish, are not
dissimilartoFilipinofindings(seeHilsdon,2003,forexample).Ineachsetting,themesoffemale
sexual purity opposed to male sexual potency abound: men as defenders of honour versus
women as conservators of purity. Gutierrez writes: Men could win and enhance their honour
throughaction,butawomansvirtueisnotsomethingthatcouldbewon,onlymaintainedorlost
(1991:213).ThisperceptionholdstrueinthemoderndayPhilippineswherebyawomanshonour
isdirectlyrelatedtoherperceivedsexualconduct.

Indeed,thepowerofreputationessentiallypublicperceptionaboutanindividualsmeasureto
social idealsand the workings of gossip, cannot be underplayed in Filipinas lives. Kalibo is
unlikeManila:therearefewgeographicalspacesthatprovideanonymity.Whatisdoneinpublic,
can readily be retold to ones peers or family members. This leads women to become acutely
sensitive to the pressures of public opinion and fearful about exposing themselves to criticism.
Awarethattheirpublicactions,ifatallinadmissible,willlikelysurfacethroughwordofmouth,
manyyoungwomencurtailtheirbehaviourinordertoprotecttheirreputation.Others,despite
sexual surveillance through the practice of chaperonage, are able to circumvent rules through
privateactivities,constructingdoubleliveswherebytheypresentthemselvesasaMariaClarain
public,whilstembodyingManilaGirlortheotherMaryinpraxis.

filipinoyouth&sexualhealthvulnerability
Young Filipinas are situated in a country characterised by social conservatism. The Catholic
ChurchcondemnsthethreePs:premaritalsex,promiscuityandprostitution(Law,1999:235).
Religious morality and governmental orthodoxy enforce policy against adolescent access to
reproductiveandsexualhealthservices,contraception,andinsomecases,sexualeducationand
counselling(UN/CPA,1999:42;Law,1999).Parentaldiscussionaboutsexualhealthisuncommon
andthereisadearthofusefulinformationdisseminatedinschoolsettings(seePerezetal.,1997).

The combination of a growing population of youth, delayed age at marriageand earlier sexual
maturity 8 hasledtoanincreasednumberofyoungpeopleengaginginpremaritalsexualactivity
without adequate knowledge about avoiding pregnancies and STIs (UN/CPA, 1999; Gastardo
Conaco et al., 2003; Lee, 2002; Tan et al., 2001; Young Adults Fertility Survey [YAFSS II], 1994).
Lowuseandlackofaccesstocontraception,particularlycondoms,hasresultedinlargenumbers
of unplanned pregnancies, illegal abortions, and rising cases of STIs, including HIV/AIDS

Research indicates that the mean age of sexual debut in the Philippines is16.8for men
and18.4forwomen(Raymundoetal.,1999).

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

(UN/CPA,1999:4243). 9 Thesecombinedfactorsilluminatethegapbetweenyouthpracticeand
youthknowledge,agapthatdecreasesyoungpeoplesabilitytonegotiatesafersex,structuring
themvulnerable.

Women are especially susceptible to different forms of harm, including unwanted pregnancy
(early pregnancy elevates risks to mother and child), unsafe abortion, and cultural stigma
associated with sexual activity among unmarried women. The emotional, economic and
educationalconsequencesineachofthesescircumstancesareconsiderable(UN/CPA,1999:42).

situatingchastity
ThatfemalechastitypriortomarriagehashighculturalvalueintheFilipinosettingishardlya
newproposition,norasurprisingfindinggiventhecountrysCatholiclegacy.Whileconducting
fieldworkIfoundalocalperiodicalmagazine,AklanCollegian(March2002:8),whichhighlighted
readers opinions about premarital sex, revealing colourful naivety and neat allegiance to
stereotypes:

Idonotagreewithpremaritalsexbecausewelivein No!Becausevirginityisveryimportantforus,girls.
Premaritalsexisasin.
aCatholiccountryanditviolatesGodslaw.Italso
(Sprinkle)
causespopulationexplosion.

(Welsie)

Premaritalsexisunholyandisamortalsin.We
Itdepends.Ifthegirlisveryattractive,thenIlldo
Filipinosareknownasconservatives.
it.
(Mylene)
(Cute)

Despite young Filipinas experience ofmodernityhigher levelsof education, increasingurban

exposure, expanding technological resources, and access to western media, marriage is a major
site of sexual regulation, revealing the importance of female virginity. Virginity at marriage is
akintowomensmoralworthandboundtoconceptsofwholeness.Asonerespondent,a25year
oldcollegestudent,said:

UnplannedpregnanciesareacontinuinghealthissueinthePhilippines(UNCPA,1999;
Lee, 2002). In the YAFSS II survey, 36% of the married women reported that they
conceived prior to marriage (Raymundo et al., 1999). Similarly, in 2003, the National
CommissiononPopulation(POPCOM,2003)reportedthat1outof3youngwomenaged
15 to 19 experience unintentional pregnancies. According to another study, teenage
pregnancies account for 30% of births among females of reproductive age, 17% of
inducedabortioncases,andthreeoutoffourmaternaldeaths(SinghandCabigon,1997:
1).AlthoughapredominantlyCatholiccountry,ithasbeenestimatedthat2030per1,000
women aged 1549 in the Philippines have had an abortion. However, strong public
opinionagainstabortionexistsanditisillegal,andconsequentlyaccesstosafeabortion
is difficult (Singh and Cabigon, 1997: 13). Findings from 19851999 point to a maternal
mortality ratio of 170 per 100,000 live births (see United Nations Development
Programme:UNDP,2002).

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10

Pilipinas #46 March 2006

Virginity is like a mirror. If a girl breaks a mirror, she can put the pieces back
together, but the mirror wont ever be the same again because of the cracks. A
woman who loses her virginity may get her act together and behave as agood
girlshould,butshewillneverbeabletoerasethefactshesbeenwithaman.Its
likeabottlecapseal.Somelabelsread:Dontuseifsealisbroken.Womenconsider
themselves contaminated once a man touches them. They think they should
marrytheguytheylosttheirvirginityto,theonethatbroketheirseal.

Researchrespondentsconceptualisedvirginitypredominantlyinrelationtothemale:specifically
inregardtopotentialintimaterelationshipswithafuturehusbandandintermsoftheirongoing
relationshipwithGod.Bypossessingvirginstatus,womenhaveagreaterlikelihoodofattracting
high calibre suitors and are considered above moral reprimand. Freed from a sexual past,
respondents believed that they would be able to negate future marital conflict and the
potentialityoftheirhusbandsjustifyingsexoutsideofmarriagebasedontheirwiveshavingbeen
promiscuous,andthusimpure.

Themostcommonidiomusedbyrespondentswhendiscussingvirginitywasthatitisthebestgift
you can give your husband. Essentially, their celibacy acts both as a gift and as a long term
investment. Like a moral dowry, women viewed the act of waiting and then granting their
husband permission to enter their bodies as a sacred gift. Mauss (1969) wrote of social life as
ongoing exchanges involving material and symbolic commodities, which ultimately through
reciprocity binds parties or individuals together. Virginity, thenembodied as an unbroken
hymen and representative of moralitycan be viewed as a symbolic commodity: a bargaining
pointandformofsocialcapital,withhighsexualexchangevalue(Bourdieu,1984).

Another strong rationale for remaining a virgin prior to marriage was framed in terms of
acquiescencetoGod,aswellasCatholicidealsofpurityandbodilycontrol.Pia(age25,young
professional)commented:

Women should have selfdiscipline, selfcontrol, and fear of the Lord, and they
shouldstandfirmlyfortheirprinciples.Itsanhonourthatyoupresentyourself
toGodasavirgin.Youarechastewhenyoufacethealtar,becauseifnot,youcan
neverwearawhitebridalgown.

Traditionally, once a woman has had sex, even if it is in the form of rape, she becomes an
undesirablecandidateformarriage.TheFilipinosaying,Whereveryoufalldown,thatswhere
yougetdown,meansthatthemanwhohassexwithyouistheonlymanwhowillmarryyou
(Sturdevant&Stoltzfus,1992:137).

malesexualdebut
Cultural discrepancy is found when comparing local ideologies regarding male and female
virginity, particularly in terms of active/passive sex scripts. Sexual double standards have a
stronghold over local sexualities, with men generally being celebrated for sexual pursuits
(Sturdevant&Stoltzfus1992). 10 Extensivemalesexualexperienceisnotregardedasdetrimental
10

This phenomenon is reflected in numerous crosscultural settings; for contemporary

discussions, see, for example, Bennett (2002a, 2002b) in the Indonesian setting, and
Fongkaew(2002)inNorthernThailand.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

11

to character, as many men do frequent commercial sexsites (Lee, 2002; Tan et al., 2001;
Raymundoetal.,1999:84).FindingsfromLeesManilabasedstudysuccinctlyilluminatethis.

Lee(2002)pointstothesalienceofgrouppressureinthecontextofmalesexualdebut. 11 Often,
more sexually experienced men lead their virgin counterparts to sites where commercial sex is
available.HalfofthestudentsinLeesstudy,togetherwithafriendorpeergroup,hadfirstgone
drinking,gonetoaparty,orhadwatchedanxratedvideo,andthenvisitedasaunabath,night
club or brothel for first coitus (ibid: 138). Friends or male elders (uncles or grandfathers)
employedcommercialsexworkers,offeringthemtothesexualnoviceasagift[myemphasis].

For men, firsttime sex is perceived as a rite of passage, from adolescence to adulthood.
Colloquiallyitisreferredtoassexualbaptism(Lee,2002;Tanetal.,2001).Speakingtothis,oneof
myrespondents,Sami,commented:

Insomecasesfatherstaketheirsonstobrothelstolosetheirvirginity.Tosome
Filipinos, being a virgin is a sign of a lack of masculinity, a source of
embarrassment.Mybrother,forinstance,isstillavirginatagetwentythree,and
onlyhisclosestfriendsknow.Hehidesthefactthatheisavirgintosomeofhis
friends for fear that they might think of him as mahina (weakling) or bakla
(homosexual).Hehasremainedavirginbecausehewantstolosehisvirginityto
someonehereallyloves.

Althoughthishighlightshowreversescriptsofthebodysocialoperateformen(malevirginityas
embarrassment),wearealsoremindedthroughSamisbrothersatypicaldesiretowaitforlove
that such dichotomies are fluid and individuals differ from their cultural constitutions.
Nevertheless,asLeecontends,bylosingonesvirginity,menareabletoasserttheirmasculinity
andupholdprevailingmachismonorms(Lee,2002:138).

Let usreturn to the gendered relationship betweenvirginityand the notion of gift.A womans
virginbodyisgivenasagifttoherhusband,whilstawomansdissidentbody(thecommercial
sexworker,theotherMary)isgivenasagifttothesexualnovice.Thus,boththeinexperienced
man and his experienced counterpart receive womens bodies as gifts. Revealing underlying
patriarchalstructures,theonlycharacterensuingstigmaisthevirginwomanandthecommercial
sexworker,notthemanwhosebodysheadjoins.Moreover,itisnotuncommonforwomento
marrymentheyhavegiftedtheirbodiestoandforthemtobecomesituatedwithhusbandswho,
ironically, utilize other womens bodies, either through commercial, casual or more committed
arrangements (eg. mistresses). Womens bodiesalmost interchangeablebecome the gift that
keepsongiving.Similarly,discussingsexworkinthePhilippines,ChantandMcIlwaine(1995:
254)write:

One of the most significant outcomes of an entertainment infrastructure is its

reinforcementofthenotionthatwomenareobjectsforthesexualgratificationof
men.Anotherisitsexplicitcondoningofsexualdoublestandardswherebymen
havetherighttobuysex,whilehavingwiveswhoremainfaithful.Thelatternot
onlystrengthensthepolarizationofwomenintovirginsorMadonnas,onone

11

ThemedianageofsexualdebutforbothstudentsandslumdwellersinLees(2002)study
wasage17.

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hand,andwhoresontheother,butalsoplaceswomeninthehumiliatingand
powerlesspositionofhavingtheirstatusdeterminedbythenatureoftheirsexual
relationship with men. The pragmatic (and legally endorsed) availability of
commercial sex work[ers] for men also means that wives have little chance of
preventingtheirhusbandfromengaginginthisactivity,letaloneofresponding
withbehaviorofasimilarnature.

womanasgatekeeper,manasexplorer
Themissingdiscourseoffemaledesireamong(young)womeniscentraltounderstandingtheir
sexual decisionmaking (Fine, 1988; Tolman, 1994). Sex scripts allot different degrees of sexual
agencytowomenandmen.IftheFilipinomaniscelebratedasasexualexplorer,theFilipinais
taught to curtail male desire. Manifested are strong sex scripts of male persistence and female
resistance. According to respondents, virginity is the one thing men are after from us, you
shouldntloseit.Moreover,retreatfromsexualadvanceisconsideredatestforwomenoftheir
strength,ofhowtocontroltheirurges.

This sentiment is echoed in the theoretical work of Carole Vance (1984). Vance asserts that in
order to curb male sexual impulse, self control, diligence and watchfulness become culturally
constructed female virtues (ibid: 2, 45): women become the moral custodians of male
behaviour (ibid: 4). In contrast, female pleasurepassion, sexual abandonment and
impulsivenessoccupies a diminishing public space and guilty private place (ibid: 3, 7). Here,
wherepleasureandguiltmergeandthepublicandtheprivatedivide,wefindmurkyterrainand
itsnebulousoccupants:MariaClara,ManilaGirlandtheotherMary.

WomeninKaliboarepositionedasgatekeepers.Theymustcontrolthemselves,theirbodies,their
curiosities,andtheirdesireswhilstassertingscriptsofchastityandpassionlessness:MariaClara
femininity. Unvoiced are womens urges, desires to experience the flow: the progression of
intimacy. Women are taught to stay aware, not to close their eyes in a dark room with their
loversarmsaroundthem,nottosurrendertothemoment.Yet,manydo.And,indoingso,they
become the Manila Girl or the other Mary, or something in between. To ward off negative self
evaluation, interviewees countered this script by constructing scenarios whereby their
appointmentassexualvigilantiscompromised,positioningthemasunaccountable.

modernvirgins:towardsdesire
TherearenumerousreasonswhywomeninKaliboguardtheirvirginity.Chastityisuphelddue
to femininity norms, religious mors, in terms of gifting, or because of fearsnamely, fears of
becoming pregnant, gaining an unsavoury reputation, disappointing ones parents or receiving
parentsire.Yetdespitesuchmisgivingsitisnotuncommonfornormativecodestobebreached.
Likeelsewhereintheworld,thenamegiventothiscontraventionislove.

While most respondents expressed strong views about remaining celibate prior to marriage,
others spoke of exceptions whereby premarital sex was morally defensible. Premarital sex was
considered sometimes pardonable if enacted in a committed relationship, that is, when two
partiesareinlove,andthereisapromiseorassumptionofmarriage.Thisisnotthecaseiftheact
occurswithintherealmofcasualdesire,whichisakintoprostitution. 12 Womenwhoengagein
sex without love are considered immoral and religiously bankrupt, the other Mary. Moreover,
returningtothenotionofpleasingmen,premaritalsexcanbemorallyredeemedthroughmale
12

MaryBethMills(1998)reportssimilarconceptionsinThailand.

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13

approval:thatisifawomansfuturehusbandcanaccepther.Thisisperhapsasignificanttwist:
ashiftfromsocietaldefinitionsoftheotherMary,toanindividualmalesdefinition.

Virginityisnobigdealnowadaysbecauseitsreallyuptotheman.Somemendo
not care if their wivestobe are no longer virgins, as long as they love them.
Before, it was really important to be a virgin, not anymore, as long as the guy
likesthegirlandissincere(Trina,age22,youngprofessional).

DespitemanyintervieweesclaimingthatFilipinascollectivelyarebecomingmoreliberallike
ManilaGirlsonlyafewheldsuchsentimentsthemselves.Oneyoungintervieweesaid:

Forme,itsnotthatimportantbecauseIthinkyoudontbaseawomansworth
bythatpieceofskin,thehymen.ItsOKnottobeavirgin,becausewecanstillbe
lovedandaccepted.TheFilipinoculturedictatesthatwhenaladygetsmarried
sheshouldbeavirgin,butthistimeitsnolongerapplicabletoFilipinawomen
Theygivetoomuchimportancetotheirvirginity.Virginityisnotthatnecessary,
butinthecultureofthePhilippines,itsveryimportant.

This last comment is resonant for many young women in Kalibo: virginity, although not
necessarily an imperative, possesses great social significance. Many respondents experienced
tensionbetweenmorsofthebodysocialversusdesiresofthebodysilent,frictionbetweenthe
MariaClaraandManilaGirlsidesofthemselves.Howdoesonereconcilepersonalviewsthatdo
notfitwithsocialnorms?Onewaytoreconcilethisistocreatesimultaneouspublicandprivate
identities, whereby women can assert Maria Clara behaviour when in public, whilst
experimenting with their desires within the context of secrecy. However, the consequences of
doingsointermsofsexualhealthandsilenceofdisclosurearefarreaching.

Respondentssoughttoexplainwhichfactorsinfluencedpremaritalsexualactivity.Besideslove,
thechoicetohavepremaritalsexwascommonlylinkedtowomenslowselfesteem:

Its so different nowadays. The women have little regard for themselves. When
theyhaveboyfriends,itsjustOKforthemtohavesex.Theygivelittleregardto
their dignity. Some women dont care about themselves, they dont even think
abouttheirfuture(Mikalela,age18,collegestudent).

Engaginginpremaritalsexwasalsosaidtobeinfluencedbytheeffectsofalcohol,ortoalesser
extent,druguse:

Wehaveaneighbourandsheismoreliberalthanotherteenagers.Sheshadsex
and she has friends who drink, smoke, and even do drugs. I know that coz
becauseherhouseisverynearfromoursandIheardfromthegossip.Iftheyhad
taken drugs, then they also want to experience it [have sex]. They cant do it
whentheyareinanormalconditionsotheydrinkliquor,takedrugs(Rita,age
22,serviceindustry).

Many respondents considered premarital sex as a trend. It was seen as operating as a

consequence of peer pressure in the context of modern times and of disintegrating parental
governance.

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Throughout fieldwork, it was not uncommon to encounter the articulation of Filipinos having
adoptedAmericanculture,or,inothercases,Spanishculture.Respondentswouldoftenreferto
Spanish culture as influencing Filipino sentiment (emotional, passionate, jealous), while
American culture affected sexual activity, resulting in Filipinas becoming more modern, and
hence,sexuallyactive.

We have adopted the culture of the Americans. In America, a girl should have
lost her virginity by the age of eighteen. I have friends in Manila who are
between ages of fourteen and sixteen who are no longer virgins (Issa, age 23,
serviceindustry).

ManilaGirlattitudesamongstFilipinaswerebelievedtooccurexplicitlyinresponsetoexposure
towesternmedia.Anotherrespondentdiscusses:

Itsdifferentnow.Maybebecausethey[women]areinfluencedbythethingsthat
theywatchonTVwhicharealreadymodernthings.Peoplehaveamoreliberal
attitudeaboutsex,andthemedia,eventheadvertisements,haveamixofsexor
pornography.Theprotagonistsinmoviesandtelenovelasdoit,anditsOK.Some
advertisementsaresexuallysuggestive.CosmopolitanandFHMselllikehotcakes.
ThemediasayspremaritalsexisOK.

Manyintervieweesframedpremaritalsexualactivityinthelightofthedisintegratingfamily.The
decline of traditional parenting was linked explicitly to economic imperatives: financial
vulnerability of caretakers translated to sacrifice of parental supervision (see also Raymundo et
al.,1999:12,18).

Filipino youth are characterised by high social and geographic mobility in terms of living
arrangementsandexposuretourbanenvironments(Raymundoetal.,1999:18).Priortomarriage,
many young people transfer among households, experiencing nonfamilial living arrangements
forsomedurationoftheiryouth,eg.adormitoryorboardinghouse(ibid:11,18).Accordingto
Young Adults Fertility Survey II (1999: 18), young single women particularly experience high
ruraltourbanmigration.Youngpeoplewhopursueeducationorworkopportunitiesincapital
citiesarecommonlyconsideredmoreliberalthantheirprovincialcounterpartsandlesslikelyto
adheretonormativesexscripts:

Before, mostly girls were afraid. Now the new generation is not afraid of their
parents. They just do whatever they want to do. Parents are not so strict
nowadays. Theres more gimik [fun activities] today, thats why sex is very
rampant.Becauseparentsarelessstrict,andtheyarebusierthanever;boththe
fatherandthemotherwork,sochildrearingisinschool,inchurch.Parentscant
supervise their children. And there are a lot of bars nowadays, nightlife. Some
youthnowadaysarenotreallydependentontheirparents.Theyliveawayfrom
theirparents(Sugar,age20,collegestudent).

Indeed,movingtogeographicalplaceswhichprovidevariationsoflifestyle,increasingnightlife
options,lackofsupervisionandhigheranonymity,increasesyoungwomensfreedomfromthe
bodysocial and the underworld of gossip. These combined factors endorse nominally taboo
behaviour:experimentationwiththeManilaGirlethos.

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15

Mary Beth Mills, in her study of Thai modernity (1998: 302), found that women who had
migrated to urban centers had a degree of autonomy over their actions hitherto unavailable to
theirmothersandgrandmothers.Citylivingandcitywagesallottedyoungwomennewformsof
selfexpression and new ways to explore themselves as modern. However, despite such
freedoms,Millsfoundthatwomensurbanautonomywascompromisedduetoemotionaltiesto
the rural home and broader cultural ideologies. Similar tensions arise in the Filipino setting,
foundinthecontradictoryvoicesofMariaClara,ManilaGirlandtheotherMary.

livedexperiencesofpremaritalsex:gatewaytodivergentfutures
Thefollowingnarratives,basedoninterviews,depictinformantsexperiencesofpremaritalsex.
They illustrate that, although normative sex scripts exist, womens experiencesare nevertheless
plural and diverse. Participants who engaged in premarital sex came from different economic
brackets, had different levels of education, degrees of urban exposure, and differed in their
churchgoingbehaviour;asdidtheyhavediverseexperienceswithmen.Perhapstheonlyshared
demographic variable was that all women were of Catholic denomination. In the case studies
which follow, I position womens experiences under the banner of premarital sex outcomes:
union,separationleadingtosexualexploration,andsinglemothering.

Of the respondents who were asked directly if they had experienced premarital sex, over half
disclosedsuchanexperience.Sexualexplorationoftenledtopenetrationalintercourseandfirst
intercoursetoongoingsexualencounters.Oftheparticipantswhohadalreadykissedaman,half
went on to engage in premarital sex, evidencing that once desires become embodied, further
sexual explorations nominally ensue. No respondent experienced first sex leading to total
termination of sexual activity. Breaching the initial code of chastityMaria Clara virtue
inevitablyresultedinfurtherpremaritalsexualactivitywiththesameoradifferentpartner.This,
I would argue, is because women already had lost that which was most important. They were
alreadytainted.

All respondents relied on traditional means of contraception: coitus interruptus. Of the

respondents who engaged in premarital sex, almost half became pregnant, a few directly after
firstsex. 13 Thisunambiguouslyreflectsnationalhealthdiscourses,directlyinfluencedbyCatholic
ideology,wherebycontraceptionisnotconsiderednecessaryforunmarriedmenandwomenor
marriedcoupleswithoutchildren.Italsoreflectsnationalratesoflowcondomusewhichmany
researchersattributetomachismoculturalnorms(Tan,1999;Tanetal.,2002).Additionally,from
a womans perspective, condom use interferes with the futureorientated view of a sexual
partner, with condoms signifying a lack of fidelity and intruding into intimate settings as
decidedlyunromantic(Worth,1996:129).

Mostrespondentswhoengagedinpremaritalsexsubsequentlyformedaunionwiththeirsexual
partner, either through formal marriage or livein/de facto arrangements. This occurred
whetherornotthewomanhadbecomepregnant.

13

Althoughpregnancyisacommonoutcomeofpremaritalsex,birthingandmotherhood
arenotexplicitfociofthispaperduetospacelimitations.Premaritalsexcanalsoresultin
potentialhazardoustermination.However,sincenoneofmyrespondentsdisclosedsuch
anexperience,Idonotfocushereonthisaspectofwomenslives.

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Amongwomensdecisionstoformaunionwiththeirsexualpartner,arecurrentthemeemerged:
picking a marriage partner, since the woman had already lost her virginity to him. Because I
thought,sincehewasthefirst[tohavesexwithher],thenheshouldbethelast,saidHannah.
Anotheryoungwomanavers:Ichosehimtomarrybecausehewasmyfirst;itsabsurdtofind
anyone else. In such cases, premarital sex emerges as a strategy that sometimes leads to
successfulintimaterelationships(eg.seeKarenscasebelow).However,itcanalsoresultinthe
establishment of relatively unhappy marriages, where women find themselves with husbands
who are prone to vicesgambling, womanizing, drinking or violence (eg. see Kims story
below).ButbecausedivorceinthePhilippinesisnotlegal,thesehaplesswomencannotlegally
separate from their husband. To a lesser degree, premarital pregnancy resulted in single
mothering, through abandonment or in preference to being with the father of the child (eg.
Mizzarescase).

Situatedbetweenthemajorityofwomenwhoformedaunionwiththeirsexualpartnerandthe
minoritywomen assuming the role of single mothersis the sexual explorer: women who
separatefromtheirinitialsexualpartneronlytoestablishnewsexualrelationships(seeBourbys
case). Unprotected by the union of marriage, most sexual explorers frame their experiences as
shameful and work to keep their transgressions hidden from public evaluation by the body
social.Dualityofembodimentsresultsinasecret,doublelife.

Theschismbetweentheexpectedbehaviourofmaintainingcelibacyandpraxissurrenderingto
desiresoften leads women to experience a change of selfidentity. Crossing the threshold of
morality causes many toalign them self with the other Mary. A small number, if able toaccept
theiractionsinasomewhatpositivelight,adoptaselfconceptoftheManilaGirl.

Unfortunately, due the workings of gossip, and the practice of stigmatization, women rarely
disclose their sexual experiences to one another or seek counsel from health centres. As
poignantlyvoicedbyVance(1984:5):Transgressinggenderraisesthespectreofseparationfromother
womenboth the mother and literal and metaphorical sistersleaving one isolated and vulnerable to
attack[myemphasis].

Two prevailing themes structured young womens accounts of premarital sex. These were: (1)
framingofscenario(s)underconditionsinwhichwomendonotconsiderthemselvesresponsible;
and(2)surrendertosexualintercoursewithinthecontextofromanticlove.

dangersoficoniclove
Interwovenwithinrationalesforfirst/premaritalsexwerediscoursesoflove.InthePhilippines,
womengenerallyexperiencetheirsexualdebutwithmentheyloveinthecontextof(presumed)
towardsmarriagearrangements(Tanetal.,2001).TheYoungAdultsFertilitySurveyIIsupports
this finding, noting that 85% of young women experienced first premarital sex with their
boyfriends(Raymundoetal.,1999:34).

Sexbecomesabattlefieldwherebyawomansloveistested.Forexample,manyofNellies(age
22)boyfriendstriedtoconvincehertohavesex.Yeah,theysaid,Ifyouloveme,youhavetoprove
it. (Laughs). If you love me, then show it to me. Discussing this with other interviewees, they
commented:Oh,thatsthemostcommonexcuseformenproveyourlove!Thisalsomirrors
Lees(2002:137)findings,whonotes:Thereisrespectwhenthemanacknowledgesthewomans
refusalandstopsinsistingongettingit. Inmanyinstances,though,thewomanislikelytogive
in. Resurfacing are gendered scripts of male activitygetting itversus female passivity

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

17

giving in. Respect for women is demonstrated through mens retreat from further intimacies,
whilerespectisappropriatedtowomenbytheirnegationofdesires.

EchoedintheAustraliansetting,Rosenthaletal.(1998:36)andKirkmanetal.(1998)discusshow
ideologies oflove influence young womens sexualbehaviour. Given that societal proscriptions
deemtheexpressionofyoungwomenssexualdesireinappropriate,youngwomenthususelove
to justify their sexual praxis: rationalising their sexual experiences under the banner of love
seeking.

Similarly,Worth(1996:126)arguesthatwomenssexualdecisionmakingisoftenbasedontheir
beliefin,searchfor,andvulnerabilitytoromanticlove.14 Discussingiconiclove,shewrites:

Although gender roles have been slowly changing, the ideal of romantic love
remains a powerful icon for most women. This ideal is dangerous because it
obscurestheneedforwomentodevelopastrongsexualidentity.Traditionally,it
has portrayed women as empty vessels whose emotional and sexual fulfillment
comesthroughreflectingtheirmaleloverspassionratherthantheirown.Itisthe
male lover who is in control of sexual desire and choices in the romantic love
scenario.Hechoosesher,andindoingso,giveslifetohersexualdesiresdesires
thatarehiddenfromher(ibid:128).

Worthconcludesthat:Unabletoexpresswhotheyaresexually,womenarenotincontrolofthe
form their sexual responses take (ibid). This concept is illuminated in womens telling of their
experiencesofpremaritalsex.

karen
Karenisanattractive26yearoldmarriedmotheroffourwhoworksasamanicuristinKalibo.
Shemetherhusbandinhighschoolduringcitizenarmytraining;hewasadrummerandayear
olderthanshe.At17,Karenandherboyfriendbecameintimate.Theyhadsexonlyoncewithout
acondom.Thisresultedinpregnancy:

OnlyonetimeandIwasfertile.ThatswhyIdidntfinishschool.Thishappened
becauseweoftensaweachother;wegotsoinvolvedthatweoftenforgotaboutour
studies.IforgotabouteverythingIreallyregretit.

Thecoupledecidedtomarry,anddidsoatthelocalchapel.Tobemarriedinchurchisenough
for me. I didnt want us to live together as husband and wife without Gods blessing, Karen
explained. Karens husband quit school and became a carpenter. Karen now practices family
planning(birthcontrolpills).Whenaskedifshewascontentwithherlife,Karensaid,

Imcontented.Immarriedandborechildrenandourdreamsarefulfilledoneata
time. My husband doesnt fling to others. Unlike other married men, who have
illicitaffairswithothergirls,whenmyhusbandgoesout,hecomeshomeontime.

14

Worths (1996) work is based on ethnographic research of American womens sexualities

duringmethadonetreatment.

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kim
Kimis18,married,withatwoyearoldson.ShelivesinthesquatterscompoundofKalibowith
herhusbandandtwelveothers(inlaws).AlthoughKimfinishedhighschool,sheisunemployed.
HerfatherworksabroadinthePersianGulf.

Before meeting her husband, Kim had three other relationships, none involving sexual
intercourse.

Kimmarriedaformeraschoolmate.Heisabusdriver,pronetovices(drugs,spendingmoney).
He sometimes hits her, although she was reluctant to discuss this. Kim said that she chose her
husbandtomarrybecausehetookhervirginity:Whenwehadbeentogetherforalongtime
whenIwasnearlydrunk,wedidit.Askedifshewasconscious,Kimreplied:Maybeconscious,
butdrunk.Althoughnoformofcontraceptionwasused,Kimandherpartnerdidnotconceive
priortomarriage.Discussingherrelationship,Kimsaid:

His earnings are just good enough for his vices. Because, when your pocket is
empty, both of you tend to be hottempered which results in quarrels. This also
maybethecauseofblamingeachotheronwherethemoneygoes.Whenhedrinks,
hebugsmeThatstheonlythingthatIwanttogetridof.Heshardworking,but
whenhisfriendscome,theyhavevices.Sometimeshespendshissalaryonvices.

Karen (the first example) highlights women placing high value in marriage and reproduction,
pregnancy resultinginschool cessation, and notionsof forgetting in the context of premarital
sex. Both Karen and Kim had sex without contraception, with men who they loved and,
subsequently married. The question begs to be asked: in general, how much does women
marryingtheirpremaritalsexualpartnerrelatetoretainingMariaClaraidentity(interpersonally
andsocially)versusactualdesirestowed?

Being drunk at firstsex (Kim: when I was nearly drunk, we did it) was also demonstrated.
Indeed,thecausallinkbetweendrinkingandpremaritalsexiswelldocumented(eg.Fergusson
and Lynskey, 1996). Tan et al. (2001: 106) point to the correlation between alcohol intake and
sexualrisksamongyoungFilipinos:thatlossofindividualcontrolleadstohighriskbehaviour.I
wouldarguethattheexcuseprovidedbyinebriationallowswomentodistancethemselvesfrom
Maria Clara rules of embodiment. More than the alcohol in their bodies, it is the pretence of
drunkennessthatgrantswomenlicensetoexperiment.

bourby
Bourby(age21)worksintheserviceindustry.ShehadanAustralianfianc,whoshemetonthe
Internet. While I was conducting fieldwork, Bourbys fianc came to Kalibo to meet her for the
first time. He stayed with her family for one month. During this time, Bourby asked me if she
couldusemyapartmenttohavesometimealonewithhim.Uncomfortable,Idecidedtosayno.
However,itappearsthetwomanagedtofindsomeprivacy:
Haveyouhadsexbefore?
Ihave.Justonce,itshim,myfianc.
Didyouusecontraception?
Wejustdiditonlyonce,sowedidntuse.
Wereyouworried?
Yeah(laughs),Iwas.Imsoscared.Imjustshyandhessosupportivewithme.

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19

After her fianc left, Bourby entered into a second sexual relationship whilst pretending to be
faithful to her Australian fianc abroad. That she had already breached Maria Clara ideals
grantedBourbyjustificationtoembodytheroleofsexualexplorer.Forwomenwhohavealready
transgressedlocalconstructionsofdesirability(womenasuntainted,innocent),premaritalsex,if
not resulting in marriage, often leads women to create dual identities and venture towards
furtherriskysexualrelationships.

consent,coercion&forcedsex
Examiningpremaritalsexraisesquestionsaboutpower,therelationshipofconsentandcoercion
and how these inform or subvert womens employment of agency. Jafar (2003) discusses the
importance of differentiating between wanted sexual attentionconsensual relationshipsand
unwanted sexual attention: harassment. 15 All respondents (besides an incest survivor)
experienced first sex as consensual. However, interviewees often described firstcoitus as being
forceduponthem.Thisdidnotimplyrape,assault,exploitationorharm,butratherreferredto
notions of persuasion: male persuasion of a female partner to increase the range of sexual
exploration. 16 Although pressure was sometimes involved, it was not usually experienced as
coercive in the negative. As Hoffman (1984: 124) asserts, consent can suggest an element of
passivity, a willingness, an agreement to accept the invitations of another [emphasis in the
original]. Highlighting these themes I turn to my research assistants (Leticia) interview with
Abby(age22,serviceindustry).

abby
Didanyofyourboyfriendsconvinceyoutohavesex?
There is someone, but I dont like to. Ill give everything, but with limitation: Until here only,
here.
Justabovethebelt?
Yes, above the belt only, but with limitation, Ill give everything except one thing, of course. I
havelimitations,above[thebelt]only.
Untilwhere?
Belt.
Inthewaist?
Yes,inthewaist.

Discussing sexual relationships between college faculty and students, Jafar (2003) argues
that definitions of harassment are so encompassing that they are in danger of becoming
egregious.

Investigating courtship, marriage and motherhood among Hmong, Southeast Asian

refugeeslivinginMelbourne,Liamputtong(2002)reflectsonloveplaywhichprecipitates
marriage and often includes sexual intercourse. She discusses how young women are
taught not to express their sexual desire openly and should instead resist overtures and
assumerolesofreluctance.Liamputtong(2002:257)assertsthattheyareinstructedtobe
shyandavoidshamebynotinitiatingandactingupontheirdesireopenly.Ahearn(2001)
similarly deals with themes of consent, coercion and agency in terms of courtship and
desire in Nepal. During elopement, men play the role of persuader, while women are
constructed as passive recipients of mens requests, upholding gender ideologies that
supportthedenialoffemaledesire.

15

16

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Sowhatdidyoudowhenyourboyfriendconvincedyouto?
Idontknow,butIwantalsotoexperiencehowitfeels,butIdontlike[it].
Youwanttoexperiencebutyoudontlike,why?
Idontlike.
Youdontliketheguyoryouareyouafraid?
Ilovehim,butIamafraidtodoit.First,Idontlike,butIwanttotry.Iwanttoexperiencethat
thing called sex. Then after one month, he took everything (laughs). I dont like, but he forced
me.
Hehastakenit?
Yes,butheforcedmetodoit,butIdontliketo.Then,Igaveinafteronemonth.

This small excerpt offers important clues to understanding embodied intimacy among young
lovers.Thegenderednatureofsexualscriptingisilluminated:menconvincewomentoengagein
sexual activity whilst women grant certain physical transgressions that are perceived to be
given as a gift. Women determine sexual access and establish sexual limitations, eg. above
thebeltonly.(Herewereturntoissuesofbodilycontrol,womenasgatekeeper.)Theman,aware
oftheselimitations,mayattempttosurpassthem.Somelevelofverbalornonverbalnegotiation
occursashepasseseachmarkandworkstomoveontothenext.

Abbyspentonemonthdeflectingherboyfriendssexualadvances,whilehespentthesametime
trying to persuade her to accept them. Prior to first sex, she was ambivalent about sexual
initiation: I dont like [it] but I want to try. I want to experience that thing called sex. When
sexual intercourse did occur, Abby vehemently described it as being unwanted and forced.
Leticiaslanguagealsosupportsthegenderednatureoffirstsex,asdemonstratedbyherasking
Abby,Hehastakenit?Abbysresponseisimportant:Yes,butheforcedmetodoit,butIdont
liketo.Then,Igaveinafteronemonth.Withinthesamestatement,aboutthesameevent,Abby
makes a paradoxical claim: she gave in to sex, but was also forced, signifying passivity. By
adoptingthisstanceAbbyisabletoreduceaccountabilityforheractions:toretainpsychological
closenesstoMariaClaraidentity.

Theinterviewcontinues:
Whathappenednext?
Hetookeverything.Firsttrywasverypainful.
Painful?
Yes,actuallyIhaveafeveronthenextday.Heusedme.Hecantpenetrate,sohetoldmetobe
easy
Torelax?
Yes,torelax,becausehecanmanageit.Andwedidit.Iwasveryexhaustedandhadafever.It
happenedagainnextmonth.Wediditonceamonth,onceamonthonly.
Howmanymonthsdidyoudoit?Howmanytimes?
Sincethebeginning?Maybe13times.

Here we see an example of male culpability, eg. he used me, and the complex relationship
betweenconsentandcoercion,asdemonstratedinAbbysaccountofhowshetriedtorelax,and
therecurrentforcedsex.Moreover,ifAbbydidnotdesiresex,whydidshechoosetorepeatthe
act thirteen times ? Perhaps an unspoken contract developed between them, illuminating other
aspectsofphysicalandemotionalintimacybesidespenetrationthatwomenenjoy.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

21

Discussingsexuality,Gallop(1997:38)arguesthereisanassumptionthat:womendonotknow
what we [women] want, that someone else, in a position of greater power, knows better.
However, by being persuaded, by choosing to consent to premarital sex, are women also
embracingagency?Addressingthetransformativepotentialofconsent,Hoffman(1984:12425)
argues:

consent,althoughtherelativelypassivemomentofarelationshipwithanother,
isneverafatalisticacceptanceofwhatis.Toconsentisalsototransform,forin
consenting,theindividualentersintoarelationshipandbyparticipatinginsuch
a relationship, social reality becomes something other than what it would have
been,hadtheactofconsentnotoccurred.

Thestrategyofwomennegatingpersonalaccountabilityforpremaritalsexualactivitymayalso
beanexampleofwomenharnessingagency.Thepretenceofforcedsexdistanceswomenfrom
being defined (by the self and others) as the other Mary. Positioning events this way protects
womenssocialbodyandreduceslossofselfesteemandthedegreeofguiltwomenecruwhen
counteringtheMariaClaraethos.However,negatingaccountabilityhastheoppositeeffectinthe
domainofsexualhealth(thebodysilent):anareawhereembracementofpersonalagencywould
bethemostuseful.

The last outcome of premarital sex, and the least likely to occur, is single mothering through
abandonmentorchoice.Withpregnancy,theconsequenceofwomenssexualdecisionmaking
bares witness and hence receives judgment from the social, public arena. Often alongside
premarital pregnancy comes a change of selfidentity, not only from youngwoman to new
mother,buttheconceptualizationofoneselfastheotherMary:afailureinreachinglocalgender
ideals and offender of religious codes. Many women work to hide their pregnancy from the
community, employing different means of social camouflage. Commonly, pregnancy leads
women to feel great disappointment about their situation; cessation (or interruption) of
schooling; and experiences of stigma attached to unwed motherhood. As does tsismis (gossip)
relentlessly resurface whenever women step out of proscribed bounds, rearing its head as a
dangerousandhurtfuldevice.Discussingloneparenthood,oftenleadingFilipinastosexwork,
ChantandMcIlwaine(1995:250)write:

few other jobs provide women sufficient income to raise their children alone,
but,asmentionedearlier,considerablestigmatizationsurroundssinglemothers:if
womenaretreatedassocialoutcastsbecauseofloneparentstatus,thenlittlemay
be lost if they move into sex work. Embedded in this is the fact that unmarried
mothers are visible to the rest of society as having lost their virginityin deed,
many women are unfortunate enough to get pregnant during their first sexual
encounter. Given widespread condemnation of premarital sex among peers,
family and prospective marriage partners, it is not surprising that single
motherhoods powerful associations with lost virginity and sexual licentiousness
result in situations where shame and ostracism make this group (and even their
childless counterparts who have transgressed before marriage as well) feel they
have little to lose by selling their bodies. This is especially tragic given that so
manyFilipinosexworkersappeartoexperiencedefloweringasaresultofrapeor
incestandnotthroughtheirownvolition.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

crystal
Crystalis23andcomesfromamiddleclassfamily.Sheisanurseandsinglemotherofafour
yearoldson.SchooledpartlyinManila,Crystalworkedforsometimeasanurseinthenearby
cityofIloilo.ShenowlivesinKalibowithhernatalfamily.HersonresidesinIloiloandislooked
after by Crystals tita (aunt). 17 She attends church twice a week, enjoys an active social life and
visitshersonregularly.

Crystalhashadonlyoneboyfriend,arelationshipshehidfromherfamily.Whenshewas17,he
convinced her to have sex. No contraception was used. Prompted by Leticia in an interview,
Crystalrecallsthedecisionsthatshemadeuponlearningthatshehadbecomepregnant:
IrefusedtomarryatthattimebecauseIwasonly18yearsoldandIbelieveIcanhandlebeinga
singleparent.
Whydidithappen?Didyourboyfriendforceyoutodoit?
Yes,Iwasdrunkatthetime.Hewasmyboyfriendforalmosttwoyears.
Didhetakeresponsibility?
Yep. He asked for my hand and my parents consent, but I refused. My parents accepted my
decision.IwasforcedthentostopschoolingandcontinueonlyafterIgavebirthtomyson.Ilove
him,butImnotreadyyettosettledown.

Returningtoalcoholuseaspartoffirstsexjustification,Crystalsexperiencealsoreflectsagency.
Crystalwasnotpassiveondecidinguponheroptionsorfacingherfuture.Asbraveheroine,she
challenged traditional postulates and embraced single mothering as choice, thereby countering
normsofthebodysocialandembracingtheManilaGirlethos.

concludingremarks:bodiesofrisk,bodiesatharm
Womens nonaccountable behaviour leads to serious sexual health risks with major
consequencesforpublichealth.Unsafesex,unplannedpregnancies,STItransmission,including
HIV/AIDS and social stigma, are possible outcomes for the young sexually active woman. Not
onerespondentexplicitlyaddressedthenotionofriskintheirconceptionsofsexuality.However,
theydidalludetodangersofthebodysocialandtoamuchlesserextent,thebodysilent.InTan
etal.s(2002:110)conclusionaboutFilipinoyouth,theystate:

Risksdonotjusthavesocialcontexts;theyaresocialinnature.Wesee,repeatedly,
the main concerns are not biomedical, eg. STDs or pregnancies; rather, the social
consequencesofhavingSTDsorbeingpregnant.

Indeed biomedical consequences associated with premarital sex tend to be secondary to the
omnipotentthreatofshameincurredbytheindividualandfamilyunit,demonstratinghowthe
bodysocialclashes,andultimatelyoverrides,thebodysilent.

Sexualrisksforwomenaredirectlylinkedtoideologiesoflove(Kirkmanetal.,1998;Rosenthalet
al., 1998; Tan et al., 2001; Worth, 1996). As Worth (1996: 129130) contends, only when we ask
whatlovehastodowithsexualchoicesandbehaviorwhenweapproachbehaviouralchange
with a new sense of awareness of the full complexity of womens liveswill we understand
sexualrisktaking.

17

Itisnotuncommonforparentsorextendedfamilyofyoungworkingmotherstotakeon
temporaryprimarycareoftheiroffspring.AsCrystalsparentsarebothworking,theaunt
providesthisservice.

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

23

Within the womens narratives there was a striking absence of dialogue about safe sex. That
negotiating safe sex is culturally incongruous to Maria Clara norms of femininity means that
womendefertoboyfriends,andlatertohusbands,intheirsexualdecisionmaking.Condomuse
among lovers is not common. Besides not complementing machismo norms, condoms are
thought to oppose discourses of partnered love. Condoms do not belong to the Filipino script,
and certainly not to the Filipino womans script. The question of how we can counteract
conceptions that women who are willing premarital sexual actors are deviant, is nothing but
daunting. Culturally, as it stands now, for safe sex to happen, women have to fullheartedly
embrace an other Mary identityan act, almost none are willing to do, save a few who have
alreadylosteverything,ie.theirhonour.Bridgingthedistancebetweenwomenwhoconformto
hegemonic femininity and those who are fallen requires local education, transparency of
patriarchal double standards, and the questioning of religious rhetorichardly an expected
outcomeconsideringthecountryssocioeconomicandhistoricalmilieu.

CliffordGeertz(1980:4)wrotethatsexisaculturalactivitysustainingabiologicalprocess.Sex
is cultural, because the rules which govern its enactment, the meanings inscribed by a given
societys members, and the array of associated consequences, reflect wider historic, economic,
religious,andgendersystems.

I demonstrated the farreaching consequences of merging noncontracepting bodies in terms of

womenslifepaths.Inthecontextofcommittedloverelationships,womengambleintheirdebut
of first sex, repeatedly framing their lived experiences in terms of nonaccountability: complex
dialecticsoflove,guilt,forgetting,surrender,coercionandintoxication.

Therhetoricoffemaledisavowalofdesireiscraftedtocounternegativeevaluationfromthebody
social.Itallowswomentoreconcileprivatepracticeinpremaritalrelationswithnormativeideals.
Women forget when they are about to have firstsex, are inebriated, or are forced into
participating. Analysis of womens first sex as seductionsurrender to sexual intimacy due to
male persuasion rather than their own desirereveals the salience of sex scripts and
demonstrateshowperformanceortheatreisinvolvedinsexualnegotiationsandexploration.By
positioningsexinsuchaway,womenaregrantedpsychologicaldistancefromdeifyingchastity
normsofMariaClarafemininity,buttheyareleftvulnerabletoserioussexualhealthrisks.

Themajorityofthedatahereinprovideslittleinsightintowomenssexualdesire.Doesforcedor
unaccountablesexreinforcewomenspowerlessness?Itmaywelldoso,yetitalsosuggeststhat
byactivelyinvertingdesirestosafeguardtheirreputation,womenarenotnecessarilypowerless
objects,butperhapsingenuoussubjects.Nonetheless,womensmanoeuvringwithinandagainst
theconstraintstheyfaceareindividualexperienceswhich,asawhole,servetoreproducerather
thanchallengeinequitablestructures.InwomensdesiretoretainMariaClaraselfconcepts,they
ultimatelyperpetuatetheideologicalconditionsoftheiroppression.

WomenintheCatholicPhilippinesstandonunstableground,whichshiftsbetweentheoldand
thenew.AsphilosopherMarshallBerman(1982:15)writes:

Tobemodernistofindourselvesinanenvironmentthatpromisesusadventure,
power,joy,growth,transformationofourselvesandtheworldand,atthesame
time, that threatens to destroy everything we have, everything we know,

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Pilipinas #46 March 2006

everythingweare.itpoursusintoamaelstromofperpetualdisintegrationand
renewal,ofstruggleandcontradiction,ofambiguityandanguish.

Filipinas engage in premarital sex, mostly irrespective of whether they align themselves with
Maria Clara or Manila Girl archetypes. A Manila Girl may give greater question to the
importanceofpremaritalvirginity,butsheisnomorelikelytoembodytransgressionsthanher
Maria Clara counterpoint. In contrast, the other Mary is defined explicitly because of sexually
taboobehaviour.Itisassumedthatsheissexuallydeviant,andthismakesiteasierforhertobe
so. In the future we can foresee more women positioning themselves with a Manila Girl
ideologyand, perhaps, practice: moving toward creating a discourse of female desire.
However,toexpectthepracticetoincorporatesafesexishighlyunrealistic.

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