Cutting The Cord

I am of Indian descent and come from a very good family background. A boy from
abroad has asked for my hand in marriage, and my parents accepted his offer. We are
expected to marry early next year.
My parents say I will finally get to love this boy, but in my heart I know I never will. I
am madly in love with a boy no one knows about. Our relationship is a secret. I love
only him and no one else, and if my parents found out I would be in big, big trouble.
If I sat down and talked to my parents, they would explode because they are oldfashioned people. Wayne and Tamara, I love my parents as well as this boy no one
knows about. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't know who to please.
The reason why I write to you is because I think only the two of you could help me. I
am 18 years of age, and my parents don't want me to work so I am still a minor.
Devi
Devi, whether one believes in arranged marriages or not, one thing is clear. Arranged
marriage belongs more to the human past than the human future.
Slavery was a common feature of the ancient world, but it is an unusual one of the
modern world. In the same way, arranged marriage is becoming less common. In
marriage, as in other areas, things are moving toward more choice, more freedom, and
greater self-determination.
Some people argue that arranged marriages are more successful than freely chosen ones,
but it is not a fair comparison. Arranged marriage is often enforced by the threat of
expulsion from the family, the social group, and the culture. How does a young person
stand up against that?
To be put in this position in itself means you are now an adult woman, not a minor
child. You must make a choice and that choice, though difficult, will give you the
solution. But you must be willing and prepared to accept the consequences.
The first thing we suggest is don't marry your boyfriend to prevent this forced
marriage. He may, or may not, be the right one for you. Then decide whether being
pushed into a marriage by your parents is an act of love on their part, or simply the
desire to have their own way. Finally, consider what it would mean for a woman to be
intimate with a man she does not love.
People are more than breeding stock, and going against your parents' wishes doesn't
make you a bad child. It is not a reason to disown you, though that may happen. You
are simply a woman who needs time, and the freedom, to decide on her own future.
Wayne
(From the column for the week of June 25, 2001)

Whose Decision
I'm very disturbed these days, and if it continues, I might get mad soon. I am 28. I
recently went to see my parents in India and met a girl for marital purposes. I got
convinced by my parents and family she is a perfect match for me.
In an impulsive moment I said yes and got engaged. Very soon afterwards I realized I
don't like her, and there are major compatibility and personality issues between us.
Now my parents and her parents are pushing for marriage as soon as possible.
I tried to speak to them and the girl about all the things going on in my mind. From that
moment on I was like a rebel in the family, and everyone is against me. They want me
to marry this girl. I told the girl I want to call it off, but she doesn't agree to my theory.
I know deep inside me it's not going to work, but at the same time I love my parents and
don't want to make things ugly. If we marry, I can see we will both live a miserable life
as I won't be able to develop love for her, and it will end in a dreadful divorce.
Ajay
Ajay, what a way to step into marriage! You thought you were going home for a family
visit, and your parents thought they were planning the rest of your life. You don't like
your prospective bride, and now you have to weigh why this decision does not belong to
you.
In these circumstances many people cave in. In an odd twist of fate those forced into
marriage often become defenders of arranged marriage, just as those hazed joining a
fraternity enthusiastically haze new members.
You would like to find a reason which will silence all arguments on the other side, but
the more you justify yourself, the more they will wear you down with counter
arguments and "success stories." The problem with letting other people make decisions
for us is that we, not they, have to live with the consequences.
The only thing they can't argue with is, "No." There is no appeal from a simple no. The
worst thing your family can do is disown you. But they can only do that once. If you
accede to their wishes now, they can use the hammer of disapproval over many other
issues.
You have to decide what your life will be. That is part of growing up and becoming an
adult. When you make your own decisions, good or bad, you will feel life is under your
control. There is a sense of justice, a deep sense of fairness, in a life lived this way.
Tamara
(From the column for the week of May 5, 2003)
True Colors
Hi, my name is Yasmin and I live in Pakistan. I am 23 and engaged to a cousin of mine
who lives in the United Kingdom. We are getting married in two weeks, but I have this
problem and hope you can give me good advice.

Our marriage has been totally arranged. It seems like we are falling in love, but there is
one thing which creates much bitterness between us. Mansoor, my fiance, came to visit
me during my brothers wedding six months ago. Had he not come, things would have
been so much better.
We did nothing to harm him, but he hates my family and that is the problem. He comes
from a family of much politeness and etiquette. When he was here, he felt unwelcome
and insulted. We took good care of him, but as you know, with a wedding and so many
guests, some people feel neglected.
How can I get him to forget and forgive us all? I said I was sorry. What more can I do?
He keeps coming back to those issues. He says my background is uncultured. What if
he keeps going on about this all my life. I cant bear it.
Three months ago he tried to break off our engagement. Our favorite aunt patched
things up, but I am afraid one day he will tell me, I never wanted to marry you in the
first place. I accepted you only because of auntie.
What is my future going to be like? I just want to start afresh. How can I make him
stop complaining?
Yasmin
Yasmin, there is no reason to regret Monsoor coming to your brothers wedding. It gave
him an opportunity to show you his true colors. When a sincere apology is tendered and
not accepted, it reveals the character of a person. What it reveals about Monsoor is not
flattering and your heart knows it.
It is difficult enough hoping love will come after an arranged marriage, but Monsoor
dislikes you and your family and has tried to break off the engagement. How can this
work out well?
If he is bitter, if he throws his dissatisfaction in your face every day, your life will be
wretched. Your husband is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse.
The only thing the two of you may agree on is that this marriage is ill-advised. We have
listened to many people, men as well as women, tell us they knew before the ceremony
they were making a mistake, but it was too late to back out. We hope it is not too late
for you.

It binds two individuals into a strong relationship with well-defined rights and
obligations. Marriage gives rise to families comprising man, woman and
children, and thus helps create the basic building block of human society.

Marriages fulfil the primal human need for intimacy and emotional nourishment.
The partners help each other emotionally and financially, and accept a functional
division of responsibilities in the house to make the relationship successful. This
is the reason why there is hardly any other human relationship that can match
marriage in its scope and depth. Marriages are basically of two types arranged
and those based on mutual attraction between the partners.

Arranged Marriages
The concept of arranged marriage may sound impractical to the Western world,
but in India, it is a usual norm. No matter how westernized India may have
become, arranged marriages are still viewed as the most preferred choice in the
Indian families. This kind of marriage has its roots laid to the time, when the
ritual of child marriage prevailed in the country. Child marriage was essentially
performed, so as to restrict the children from marrying outside their community
and social status. The practice was essentially a way of uniting and maintaining
the difference between the rich upper class society and the poor lower class
society. This practice of caste system gave rise to the concept of arranged
marriages.
Arranged marriages were once common throughout the world, but today this
institution mostly survives in the eastern countries such as India and China.
These are formal affairs with the involvement of many other people apart from
bride and groom. In this, the latter two are usually total strangers and have not
even seen each other before the marriage is arranged.
The decision about the suitability of the partners for each other is a collective
decision taken by their relatives such as parents, uncles, aunts and so on. The
families hunt for a good match by asking other people, going through
matrimonial websites and even giving advertisements in newspapers. Arranged
marriages have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Pros & Cons :
Pros : One of the positive aspects about arranged marriages is that it gives the
parents utmost control over family matters and members. Since they are the ones
who would decide on the prospective bride and groom, they would get someone,
who is the best for their son/daughter
Cons : The most crucial drawbacks of arranged marriage is that the boy and the
girl do not know each other. Two unknown people get married without knowing
and understanding each other, as according to the concept, it is not important to
know your partner before marriage. As such, chances of not gelling well with the
partner are very high. If either of them thinks absolutely contradictorily to what
the other believes in, there would hardly be a mutual level of understanding
between the two and life would be merely a compromise for the two.
Way for Arranged Marriage : The only way an arranged marriage can succeed is
through acceptance. One has to accept the other the way he/she is and look for
striking a mutual level of understanding.
Arranged Marriage vs Love Marriage-Pros and Cons
Marriages are made in Heaven!!

How many people today in the world would agree that marriages are made in heaven
and executed on Earth? Well, My guess is that not many. In fact, many people just balk
at the idea of spending ones life with a complete stranger. Most people today would like
to get to know a person (in more ways than one can imagine) prior to popping the

question, thinking that it really matters. Well, I would agree that love marriages start of
pretty well, but not all end very well.
Arranged marriages are a norm in Asian and Arab countries. In these countries,
marriages are not only between two people, but between two families. In fact, in the
olden days, arranged marriages were quite common in Europe. There are many African
countries where the tradition of Arranged Marriages is prevalent. In this marriage, I
shall analyse the pro's and Cons of both and try to come to a conclusion about which
one is better.
Arranged Marriages

Well, Lets come to Arranged Marriages. What is an Arranged marriage? A marriage is

said to be arranged when the man and the woman are introduced through a third party,
their families also meet up and finally the marriage takes place with the consent of both
families and the couple. In many countries, the couples are really not given an option
whether they like each other or not. They are just told that the girl/guy is good and the
marriage has been agreed to. These kind of marriages are generally based on the
following factors:1. Caste- The family has to be of the same caste/sub caste, gotra etc.
2. Horoscope matching - The horoscopes of both the Guy and the Girl are matched
based on some 36 attributes and the more the number of attributes that match, the better
the union. Many probable marriages are nipped in the bud, because the horoscopes dont
match (i.e. very few attribute match or one of them is a "Manglik").
3. Social Status - Even after the first meeting, talks on the marriage dont go further
because of the difference in social status (mostly economic). There is a saying- "A poor
father is not your fault, but a poor father-in-law is".
4. Ego- Many a time, if the girls side or the boys side dont show adequate levels of
hospitality, the fragile ego's are hurt and many a potential union has been nipped in the
bud because of this.
Well, these are most of the reasons which are considered while making an arranged
match, at least in India. Emotions can run pretty high and the outcome is quite severe,
sometimes leading to death. Honour killings is a familiar phrase all over the world as
sometimes families would rather die than allow their wards to get married.
However, when all the above aspects work out, the marriage is fixed. A "Shagun" is
given. Shagun is a small token gift that the both the families exchange (The value of the
gift depends on the financial status of the families), to seal the deal. After this, the
events that lead up to the marriage are a complete roller coaster. Many shopping trips,
loans (especially from the girls family ) would need to be taken to buy gifts for all the
grooms family members and their relatives. Jewelly to be bought, caterers etc...the same
stuff that goes on in all marriages across the world. The only difference being that the
families decide everything (the girl and the boy rarely get to choose), but they have no
option but to tag along. After the initial approval, they have the permission to meet and
get to know each other till the wedding. The spirit of compromise starts from that day
onwards. In many communities they are allowed to meet only in the company of
chaperones or sometimes not at all. Then the day of the marriage comes, the big Fat

Indian Wedding commences, along with all its festivities. The marriage ceremony
completes, followed by a reception and then the mandatory honeymoon and then life
starts.
One of the unique things about arranged marriages is that you start getting to know your
spouse only after marriage. In many cases, one does not like the person one has got
married too as there are some traits that are a put off. In many cases, one discovers that
the person is an absolute gem and slowly that develops into love. From that aspect an
arranged marriage is an exciting gamble, wherein you discover something new
everyday. Everything is a surprise. It may not be to your liking all the time, but as both
parties are in a mood to compromise, its easier to work things out. Ego's are generally
not that inflated and many a times they work. The flip side can be quite bad, with an
abusive spouse, in-laws etc. Mostly the girls suffer and the entire girls family feels
guilty for pushing her into the marriage. There have been many cases wherein the girls
family fell for the so called high status of the would be groom, who turned out to be a
fraud, and after the marriage hasrasses the girl for dowry and many times even kill her.
It just goes to show that one has to be careful in an arranged marriage and make discreet
enquiries on the background of the families involved before taking the Plunge. You have
a choice after all. So why do people still go for arranged marriages? They do for the
following reasons:1. Their children are not able to find someone for themselves.
2. Their child has found someone whom they dont approve of and want to get their child
married off so that they get their way.
3. There is a problem with their child (schizoprenia, medical disorders etc) and they
think that their child will get ok after marriage.
4. They want their child to get married to a rich family so that she can enjoy a
comfortable life.
5. Same caste and religion. (Yes, even in the same religion there are different castes and
marriages among different castes are also forbidden). It is known fact that if you get
married in familiar surrounding , life may not be exciting but should be comfortable).
6. Want to marry their kids of early. Early marriages have an advantage that both, the
boy and the girl are in their formative years and impressionable. They are far more
likely to adjust than highly educated couples who are fixed in their ideas and not
ajustable.
7. Its the right time for marriage (Now thats subjective and depends from family to
family, but the average age is supposed to be between 23-25 for the guys and 18-21 for
girls).
What are the advantages?

From the above one may think that Arranged marriages are a no go> However, there are
many positives such as:1. Both parties are in a mood to compromise. Therefore getting along is not that
difficult.

2. The families of both parties are there to support them in every way.
3. There is the possibility of more adventure :)
4. The chances of the marriage succeeding are quite high.
Therefore, all in all, arranged marriages dont seem like a bad deal. If one approaches
them with a bit of caution and backgroud checks, it should be sure thing.
Love Marriages

Love..!!! Ah that emotion that everyone wants , talks about and parents hate when it hits
their children. Its so hard to define love, the exact moment that one realises that one is
in love and one starts feeling those euphoric, indescribable emotions for their loved one.
Have we been sold on this idea of love by the media blitzkrieg that dazzles us from the
day we grow up? Why are we not cynical about love, when from childhood we see
everything contrary to love like breakups, infidelities, divorces , heartbreaks etc. Why
do we spend sleepless nights wanting to impress someone so that they fall in love with
us? Are we all slaves to the idea of love? Well, what ever it is, humans are not going to
stop loving. Its there in our DNA. So, therefore, what has evolved over the years is that
a couple falls in love, goes around for some time and either decides to break off or get
married. Once they get married, then expectations kick in. Many couples dont survive
this storm and then the marriage ends in divorce. For some couples, the marriage is a
match made in heaven and they really have a great time (with the obvious ups and
down, which they weather with maturity). So what are the advantages of a Love
marriage:1. As the couple knows each other, they know what to expect.
2. Many compatibility issues have been sorted out before marriage, so life together is
generally expected to be smooth.
3. The couple may or may not share the same likes/dislikes, but as they know about it,
they understand the other persons point of view.
4. Falling in love and then getting married is supposed to be the sureshot way of
improving the odds of success of the marriage.
Well, what are the disadvantages?
1. As the couples know each other, the likelihood of compromise may reduce over a
period of time.
2. Many love marriages are against parents wishes, Therefore, the newly wedded couple
does face social ostracisation and therefore no support, either emotional or moneytary to
start their life.
3. Many couples in love realise that after marriage people change and that change is not
to their liking. This creates major issues as one partner feels that the other person (who
changed) was not his/her true self. Betrayal..!!!!

So it seems that love may not be the answer to a happy marriage. Though love before
marriage is preferred, does it mean that your marriage shall be stronger or vice versa.
Well the jury is still out on that one and I see many couples who have arranged
marriages live happily ever after and a similar number of couples in a love marriage do
the same. I have heard and seen enough love stories turn sour with one partner being
abused, humiliated, exploited and undergo bitter divorces to feel skeptical that love is
all encompassing.
I dont know if there has been a study on that (Arranged vs Love) but my guess is that
the bedrock of any marriage is trust, willingness to adjust by both partners and the
maturity to give space to each other. Like Tina Turner said "Whats love Got to Do with
it". Check out another hub on this topic at this
What side of the fence youre in affects your point of view regarding the advantages and
disadvantages of arranged marriages. Perhaps there are only advantages. Or no
advantage at all. Your cultural upbringing and religious convictions are strong
determinants of where you stand on this issue.
But for arguments sake, why dont we take a look at both sides of the coin? But before
we do, we need to make it clear that arranged marriages may or may not be forced. In
fact these days, more and more arranged marriages are premised on mutually consenting
adults. Even people who pledge allegiance to the Islamic faith know that marrying an
individual is possible only if they both like each other. Contrary to popular belief,
Muslims believe that the happiness of both spouses is of paramount importance.
Advantages of Arranged Marriages
If we leave the west for a few days and transplant ourselves into any culture that
promotes arranged marriages, we will, in time, realize the logic behind this practice and
appreciate the reasons why they work. Some of those reasons can be attributed to the
wisdom of elders. Because they raised and cared for their children, they instinctively
know whats best for their children, which includes the decision to select a life partner.
1. Risk of incompatability is diminished
Arranged marriages presuppose that two people are perfectly matched because they
belong to the same culture, share the same religious upbringing, speak the same
language, and raised in more or less the same socio-economic class. These identical
backgrounds make it easier for the couple to communicate with each other and
understand where each is coming from. Decisions in the upbringing of future children
and their education leave little room for disparities in their thinking because of this
likeness.
2. Idea of divorcing is unthinkable
This is another acknowledged advantage of arranged marriages. Given that the man and
woman come from a similar background and therefore share the same views of marriage
and family, the chance of divorcing due to irreconcilable differences is not as strong as
in western cultures.
Note that it is not so much the arranged marriage per se that reduces the likelihood of
divorce. As we discussed in another article, most arranged marriages no longer trigger a

negative reaction because a good number of them are not forced. Parents who arrange
marriages are fully aware that their children can always refuse a selected partner, in
which case they simply look for another suitable partner. The input from the future
groom and bride carries weight. The combination, therefore, of the parents wisdom and
consent of the child would lead to a happier union so divorce would be unlikely.
India is the perfect example of a society where arranged marriages are still the norm and
where the divorce rate is very low.
3. Extended family support has its benefits
In traditional societies, spouses sometimes live with the parents or live in the same
housing compound. In times of difficulty, the couple can count on the help of their
parents and in-laws for physical, emotional and financial support. When the children are
born and both spouses work, finding adequate babysitters is a non-issue because the
grandparents pitch in the care and nurturing of the children. The children are therefore
supervised by close family members instead of by complete strangers, making them
comfortable because they live in an atmosphere that they know well. Needless to add,
when the couple has arguments, well-meaning elders can step in and offer advice and
arbitration sessions.
Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages
For those who learn that arranged marriages are not necessarily forced, they adopt a
more tolerant attitude towards this practice. One reason for this tolerance is that
arranged marriages are a cultural trademark and should not be judged using western
standards. If those who marry believe its no big deal to have their marriages arranged
because it is a way of life they are accustomed to, then why should outsiders try to
convince them otherwise? Its not as if theyre being dragged into the marriage against
their will or being groomed as slaves.
Nevertheless, for the sake of argument, here are some disadvantages of arranged
marriages:
1. Inability to make up ones own mind
When marriages are arranged by elders or parents, this does not encourage spouses to
make up their own mind about who to marry. Instead of dating and meeting people and
comparing them against ones ideals, they leave that part of the work to someone else.
Should either spouse end up unhappy after being married a few years, it can be very
tempting to blame ones parents for making an unsuitable choice.
2. Love takes second priority
Decide with your head and not with your heart is what parents tell their children. This
philosophy tends to put love in the back burner. For people who live in societies where
arranged marriages are the practice, they are convinced that if they dont feel any
passionate love when the marriage takes place, love will bloom eventually. It is more
important to consider the social and economic viability of the marriage rather than put
romantic love at the forefront which will fade anyway because romantic love is at best
a superficial feeling.

3. Interference from extended family

While there are benefits to having ones extended family close by who can offer support
when needed, this proximity has pitfalls. For some Muslims and others who have, in
particular, been living in the west for a long time, may find this closeness a little
awkward and uncomfortable. Some marital arguments and conflicts are settled better
when only the spouses are involved. When the in-laws interfere and impose their views,
this can cause stress to the marriage.
Arranged marriage vs. Romantic marriage ?
So i need to know 5 pro's and cons about each arranged marriage and romantic. i've
thought of some but i'm having a hard time think of 5 for each. Its for school.
thnx

Additional Details
Yes we are. We talked about it in class and every shared there ideas.
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
Romantic Marriage
Pro's:
1. You get to marry for love
2. More time to get to know future spouse
3. You get to make one of the most important decisions of your life for yourself
4. Reinforces independence and personal freedom
5. Can hold self personally responsible for choice
Con's:
1. Some don't last very long
2. Family may disagree with marriage
3. Individual may choose spouse based on lust instead of long-term compatibility
4. May have multiple long-term relationships and breakups before finding "the one"
5. May offend family members/traditions by choosing a non-arranged marriage
Arranged Marriage
Pro's:
1. Spouse selection based on wisdom of elders/loved ones
2. Uphold cultural expectations
3. May strengthen the relationship between two families or create a higher social status
4. Family support behind the union
5. Individual doesn't have to worry about finding a spouse, may focus attention on other
pursuits - education, career, etc.
Con's
1. May be marrying a stranger
2. May disagree with family's choice
3. May miss out on having a relationship deeply rooted in romantic love
4. Family may make choice for selfish reasons rather than according to what their child
would want

5. Usually no dating other people beforehand, so not learning what you personally want
from a relationship
Not the right answer? Try Yahoo! Search
No matter what kind of marriage it is, marriage is an end to your health and your
finances. Your finances will be lost ( mortgage payment, health care bills not
only for yourself but your wife and kids as well, college, the list can go on). The
pressures of all this plus the pressures of the job (and possible two jobs) to make
ends meet will affect your health into depression. Do not get married no matter
if it is arranged or romantic.

Love is in the air

To westerners who put a lot of emphasis on love and marriage or shall we say love
before marriage love is the only thing you need to be happy. But for societies who
believe that arranged marriages will flourish and endure forever, love, at least for the
time being, can take the back seat.

Arranged Marriages: Fact # 1

Arranged marriages are viewed as a social and economic necessity, the terms of which
are agreed upon by the families of the future groom and bride. The question of whether
the bride and groom are in love is not a priority; whats important is that the marriage is
stable with staying power.
Point of clarification: indeed, love makes the world go round. We all want to be madly
and passionately in love. But just because arranged marriages are not premised
exclusively on love, it doesnt mean that it does not exist in the relationship. It may be
born on day 1 of the marriage or can grow after a few years. We should not be misled by
the notion that spouses in arranged marriages have no say about their partners. In some
countries the man or woman can refuse a selected spouse. Because consent by both is
imperative, who is to say that love does not or cannot exist?

Arranged Marriages: Fact # 2

Arranged marriages are an accepted practice in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India,
Bangladesh and some Muslim/Islam countries. Arranged marriages have another name:
Sheri and Bob Tritof also call them pragmatic marriages. They are successful traditions
in many cultures. Although no statistics are available to prove it, about 60 to 80 percent
of arranged marriages in Afghanistan are of the forced kind. This means that the consent
of the marrying parties does not carry any weight. Of that percentage, many succeed.
Point of clarification: it is unfortunate that arranged marriages are taken in a negative
light by western societies. This is attributed to a lack of knowledge about the whole
concept of arranged marriages. Not all these marriages are forced. Parents ensure that
their sons and daughters are satisfied with their parents choices. The childrens consent
is vital, and should a prospective partner be refused, parents will simply have to find
another suitable choice. A courtship period is also allowed by certain cultures, and in
more modern societies like India, the couple is encouraged to go out on dates so they
can get to know each other better.

Arranged Marriages: Fact # 3

Sadly, it is a fact that despite the few and isolated stories covered by the media of young
women being forced into marriages, there are equally, if not more, successful arranged
marriages. The argument is that because parents know their children best and have the
wisdom and wherewithal to select the best candidate, the marriage will benefit from the
support and encouragement of their elders and hence will be durable and permanently.
There are significantly fewer divorces or separations between people of arranged
marriages.
Point of clarification: we need to be careful about taking arranged marriages from the
perspective of the divorce rate. It is true that only a few arranged marriages end in
divorce, but is the reason really the arranged marriage itself or the fact that in more
traditional and conservative societies, people usually dont get divorced anyway and
stay within the marriage hoping to work things out.

Arranged Marriages: Fact # 4

The general belief is that arranged marriages in Muslim religions are very restrictive
and encroach on the personal freedoms of women. This belief is a little erroneous
because in many Muslim countries, the consent of both parties is required and couples
must see each other before marriage but must never be left alone, unsupervised. There
is a dowry involved (like in India) and four witnesses are needed (two males and two
females).
Point of clarification: Muslim religions believe consent is important; however, it
discourages modern western practices such as dating, living-in and long courtships.

Arranged Marriages: Fact # 5

Arranged marriages also exist in China and Indonesia and in cultures where Buddhism,
Islam and Hinduism are the predominant religions. Again, couples do not date. They
may spend 15 minutes meeting each other and then wed in a few months, as reported by
Del Jones in a USA Today article dated February 2006.
Point of clarification: Keo Mony wrote that the Buddhist culture in Cambodia dictates
that it is the sacred duty of parents to marry off their children to good families. Arranged
marriages have survived to this day, thanks to the pervasive influence of religion and
tradition. In Cambodia, children are expected to repay their gratitude to their parents for
finding them suitable partners. Fulfilling ones marital obligations is one of way
repaying that gratitude. The rituals and protocol of arranged marriages may vary from
one country to another and from one religion to the next.
In rural parts of China, arranged and semi-arranged marriages are still common,
although the Chinese government introduced a new Marriage Law in 1980 setting the
legal for women (20) and men (22) to marry. The law confirmed the governments
approval for free-choice marriage, right to divorce, and the abolition of child marriages.
The free-choice marriage is limited to urban centers.

Arranged Marriages: Facts

No one will argue that there are more than five facts regarding arranged marriages but
we have mentioned the more common ones. These facts could be skewed depending on
the country and the religion so that what may be true in say Sri Lanka may not
necessarily apply to Bangladesh.
Remember too that arranged marriages are also practiced in western societies, especially
among royalty and the aristocratic classes. You may be aware that the marriage of the
Prince of Wales and Diana Spencer was in a way arranged, since Queen Elizabeth had
no doubt screened several women and assessed their potential to be the wife of Prince
Charles. Decades before that, King Edward had to abdicate his throne because he
married a divorced American commoner.
Arranged marriages may sound unromantic, but the women who choose them can teach
us a thing or two about how to be happy in love, says Reva Seth, author of First Comes
Marriage. "Women in arranged marriages have a more realistic approach toward love
and romance which makes them better able to enjoy the person they're with," Seth
says. Here, a few lessons to take to heart.
Find your inner strength.
"Women in arranged marriages don't expect their husbands to fulfill all their emotional
needs," Seth explains. "They look to their spouse as a life partner, a companion, and a
source of support but not as their only provider of happiness." Instead of relying on
their husbands, these women know how to create their own happiness and as a result,
they don't harbor resentment toward their husbands for not fulfilling the impossible.
Focus on what you love about each other.
Because women go into arranged marriages knowing that they have to learn to love
their spouse, they focus on his positive qualities and let go of the little things that don't
really matter. Instead of dwelling on Why didn't he do that?, they look for what he did
right. "It changes the whole relationship dynamic," Seth says. "When you're
appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates."
Redefine romance.
Since arranged marriages don't arise from traditional courtship, the women who enter
them toss their expectations of traditional displays of romance (think fancy, candlelit
dinners). They value little acts of love like when he gives you the bigger half of the
piece of cake which can often be even more meaningful.