Throughout my career as a journalist, I have happened across many

interesting sights, smells and experiences that have enriched my life.

However, the most refreshing was my visit to the isolated island of Router. I
had the pleasure of meeting the fascinating people who call themselves the
Techs. Curt in talk but cordial in nature, they eagerly introduced me to their
religion and as a student of the world, I listened.
One aspect of the Tech peoples religion is their scripture. Written
in the special language of Binary, they write repetitive symbols resembling
the ones and zeroes of the English language. How close the symbols are to
one another form complex messages. The sacred text of the Techs includes
the myth of the deity Da Inn Ternet, the god of knowledge. It is believed that
Da Inn Ternet was the entity responsible for gifting the Techs with the ability
to stop thinking by providing them with his own knowledge. This led to the
Techs ability to create an easier life for themselves. According to the
scripture, the Techs would have been completely hopeless without Da Inn
Ternet. In lieu of this concept, the Techs have dedicate a holy period to Da
Inn Ternet called Ev Ree day. In this day, Techs are to do absolutely nothing
except to give thanks to Da Inn Ternet.
I also learned about rituals. Since the religion lacks sacred worshiping
grounds such as temples, they make up for it through frequency of rituals.
One that was constantly performed during my stay required the aid of a
square digital apparatus they called Tee Vee. The Tee Vee is a symbol of
the amazing knowledge bestowed on the Techs by Da Inn Ternet. This ritual
was commonly performed with company, usually an entire family unit. Potato
chips and sodas are the sacred food brought to the ceremony. Despite eating
and drinkingthe means of demonstrating happiness for Da Inn Ternetthe
ritual is otherwise performed wordlessly. I once tried to comment on the
marksmanship for the Tee Vee, but I was hushed and glared at before
devoted eyes swung to the apparatus once more. The Tee Vee ritual was the
most common but also the most lengthy, resulting in hours upon hours of
intense staring and mindless eating.
One of the most important parts of a budding Techs life is the rite of
passage. This rite is commonly initiated when a young girl or boy gains a
significant amount of weight as a result from the Tee Vee ritual. Seen as the
ultimate sign of devotion from a child, the young one is ready to
demonstrate a trial of adulthood. He or she is placed into a chair and given a
test: to sit for an entire month and do nothing else except watching Tee Vee.
The parents of the child will occasionally check in during this time and must
refill the childs desires of potato chips and soda at request. When the time is
over, the parents embrace their child and celebrate with an extra dose of

high-calorie foods. This rite of passage is commonly ended when eye drops
are administered to soothe strained eyes from the Tee Vee ritual.
Magic is also a great part of a Techs life. Using miniature devices of
Tee Vees called Labb Topse, Da Inn Ternet is summoned through elaborate
displays of screen-staring and finger tapping on the surface of the devices. A
Tech is then able to inquire Da Inn Ternet about anything his or her heart
desires. I was urged to be a part of this magic and despite my initial
trepidation, I decided to give it a try. I asked a question I knew the answer to
as a test. To my great surprise, Da Inn Ternet correctly answered how many
planets exist in our solar system and even elaborated on specifics about
pluto being a dwarf planet. I came to find that Da Inn Ternet was a very wise
entity indeed. It became apparent how Da Inn Ternet gifted his people with
the luxury to not think anymore through his large expanse of knowledge and
information.
Although there are no priests, the most powerful religious specialist of
the Techs are respectfully titled IT Guye. Whenever the magical portal to
Da Inn Ternet is severed with the demise of a Labb Topse, the IT Guye uses
special magical knowledge to reconnect the spiritual and physical world once
more. The family unit then bestows the IT Guye with gifts of gratitude,
usually entailing a hefty sum of potato chips and soda. The IT Guye gratefully
accepts and heads home to perform his own ritual of appreciation through a
lengthy Tee Vee ritual.
Although Techs dutifully worship the entire span of their lives, they
have great excitement for the afterlife. According to the scripture, the
ultimate goal of a Tech is to waste enough time to earn the ultimate respect
from Da Inn Ternet. The entrance to the afterlife is a symbol of having
repayed Da Inn Ternets great gift of knowledge by living a long life of
obedient worship and sluggish mind.
A last important element of the Tech religion that I should mention are
the taboos. As an ignorant visitor, I was fiercely chastised for talking about
my travels. I didnt realize until later that it is an abhorrent sin to talk about
any part of your life without mentioning Da Inn Ternet. The one note of
comfort I will add is that the Techs are so absorbed in the Labb Topse and Tee
Vee rituals that they rarely resort to violence other than a disgruntled stare.
Because of my thought-provoking time in the island of Router and the
wonderful Techs that reside there, I recommend travelers to visit. There is
nothing more eye-opening than learning about a new people and culture.
However much I greatly value my ability to think, I have only great things to
credit the Techs, including my new and broadened perspective of the world
around me. It is with confidence that I say that my experience with the Techs

is one I will carry with me for the rest of my life. And hopefully in time, other
travelers will be able to say the same.

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