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GODS GRACE
What do I think of the concept of grace as I consider my wife and her behavior towards me?
I believe that every position I've taken is in light of grace. Because of grace, I believe in the Lord's favor toward my wife and
me. It's only because I believe in His grace toward us that I have hope of holding out for His best for our lives. But, I do hope,
and therefore, I'm willing to wait, to stand, hoping for the Lord to do what only He can do. I so hope for and desire God's best for
my wife, me and for our children that I'm willing to wait for it through all the pain I've already endured. Simply put, I trust His
goodness, mercy and grace.
Because of God's grace in my life, I extend grace to my wife. I have forgiven her and I'm waiting for her, denying myself what
most consider to be my "rights" to fulfillment ... I have steadfastly refused to give up on her. My Lord did not give up on me.
He did not turn His back on me. I offended Him to the core. I have denied Him, abandoned Him, and went my own selfish ways
without considering His desires for me. And He extended grace to me.
By His grace and goodness, He allowed me the desire of my heart. I married the beautiful young woman I loved more than any
other. She was and is the only woman I ever wanted. I vowed to love her for better or for worse. For more than twenty years, all
I got was the "for better." And it was easy to keep my vows, though in hindsight, I wish with all my heart that I would have loved
her better, cherished her more, done more with her ... I always thought I had a lot more tomorrows with her. I so looked forward to
my future even as I enjoyed the present. I was instructed by the Word to love her and I did. I have faithfully loved her every day of
my life since I fell in love with her in the spring of 1982. But I should have loved her as Christ loves His church and gave Himself
up for her. I know I have not lived up to the standard that my Savior set for me. But I trust His grace to make up the difference. I
have confessed this sin. I regret it. I hate it. And I have asked the Lord thousands of times in the last seven years to give me His
love for My wife -- that I can love her with perfect and unfailing love, unconditional love, always desiring what is best for her.
What is this stand I'm taking? Is it a hard line of tough love?
No! Or is it an act of grace and unconditional love? It's simply
this -- an open invitation to come home and receive the love that
I freely offer. I have continuously offered my forgiveness and
have asked for forgiveness for where I have not been the husband
I should have been. I've asked my wife to forgive me for not
being the husband she wanted. And I have told her the door is
open, wide open. My offer to her is unconditional. I have set no
conditions on her return. I love her. I have kept myself for her.
I have kept her closet shelves bare, ready for her to come back.
I wear my ring to tell the world that my heart has already been
given. I have no words of condemnation for her, though I cannot
deny that she has wrought great hurt in my life and in our family. She has wronged me, and done so very intentionally, day after
day. No one accidentally gets divorced. There are no unpremeditated acts of divorce. I pray for her every day -- for the Lord to
bless her, fill her with His Spirit, arm her with His armor, keeping her from all harm and evil. I ask Him frequently to pour out His
blessings and His love upon her. Yet I also ask the Lord to leave the ninety and nine and gather her to Himself, picking her up and
holding her close to His bosom, so close that she can hear His heartbeat. I beg the Lord to speak to her clearly and plainly, showing
her His way and His will for her life.
I understand that all of this implies that I believe she is not right now in the center of God's will for her life. And that is true. Does
the fact that I cannot reconcile her behavior toward me as being in line with God's written Word mean that I do not trust God's grace
for her? NO! It is because I believe that God loves her and wants His best for her that I am able to keep believing that He will yet
do what I ask and restore our relationship to better than it has ever been. I trust His grace. I ask Him to deal with me as His adopted
son -- that He would bless me (and her) according to His great love and goodness and favor, not according to what my deeds (our
deeds) deserve! (Do I believe God wants her to be faithful to me because I deserve it? No! Is her behavior toward me wrong because
I deserve better or because it's inconsistent with God's will according to His written Word?)
In Paul's letter to Titus, he declares that it is God's grace that teaches us to say "No" to unrighteousness and sin. In other places,
Paul says that it's by God's grace that he works harder than others. Many people define grace as unmerited favor, but that is not
really a definition or it's at least an incomplete definition. A fuller definition is that grace is God's unmerited favor that allows us
to do anything that is spiritually profitable. But just because we have God's great gift of grace does not mean that we have no
responsibility or accountability. Quite the contrary, God's Word continually instructs us to be accountable for our actions -- to
live lives worthy of our callings. We are frequently reminded that we will be judged by what we have done. And we are warned
frequently to not be deceived.
So, since God is gracious, should I be unconcerned about the things that I alone fully know, the things that grieve my heart so
greatly about my wife? How can I be unconcerned about these things? If I do not plead for her, standing in the gap for her, who on
earth will? I want to pray in agreement with my Lord Jesus and with the Holy Spirit, both of whom I believe are interceding on my
wife's behalf as we are told in Romans 8 and Hebrews 7:25.
Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.
Hebrews 7:25
And so, because of the great love and grace of the Lord, and because I believe what I do matters and what my wife does matters, I
continue to stand for my precious bride and for our marriage and for our family. If I did not believe in God's grace, I would give
up and move on. Surely I have blown it. So has my wife. But for the Lord's grace, both of us would be utterly disqualified from
salvation, rewards and future blessings. Our awesome God owes us nothing! Yet, I believe that our unchanging God is the God of
Isaiah 30:18 who longs to be gracious and rises to show compassion. Therefore I will wait on Him!
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who
wait for him! Isaiah 30:18