FAMILY VALUES

If you asked most Americans what the cultural values in the U.S. are, you might
get some blank stares, or a statement of some basic beliefs. The question may
seem simple, but the answer is quite complex. In a society as highly diverse as
the United States, there is likely to be a multitude of answers.
American culture has been enriched by the values and belief systems of virtually
every part of the world. Consequently, it is impossible to be comprehensive.
Nevertheless, a few selected values are at the core of the American value
system. And in this course, we will study through American Family Values.
Family values are thing that are many times passed down from generation to
generation, and they play a monumental role in how your child learns and grows.
Defining this time will help you to understand what is important and what it
means when you are talking about issues such as family time, play time, and
other larger issues such as spiritually and the beliefs that you wish your child to
grow up with.
In order to understand the American family value we need to explore values
concerning children, young adults, the elderly, the nuclear family, the extended
family and everything to be related with family values.
Definition of Family Values
The dictionary defines a value as "a principle, standard or quality considered
worthwhile or desirable." The definition of family is "two or more people who
share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another and usually
reside in the same dwelling." The difference in family structures can result in a
difference in family values. For example, a cohabitant couple with no children
may have a different value structure than a husband and wife with three
children. Values change as the structure of a family changes, and ideals also
change with the times and with geography; a family that moves to another state
often sees some shift in their ideals.
In family values are rules or ideals that, as a family, we agree to live by and stay
true to. The list of essential family values would be a mile long no doubt and the
top 10 lists for each family would be as unique as the one that came up with it.

Having strong well defined family values helps solidify the foundation for a
strong, tight knit family. When cultivated long enough this closeness provides a
soft place to fall when life doesnt go according to plan. Strong and consistent
family values are important in building trust and confidence in each family
member.

Here are Sherri Krugers top 10 essential lists family value :

1. Belonging. It is important that each member of the family feel that they are
loved, that they belong and that they matter. Being a cohesive family could
mean that we spend every spare minute together doing family activities but
keep in mind that everyone is different. Creating a strong family unit is great but
each person should be allowed the space and freedom to explore the activities
they think they may enjoy. People are more courageous and more willing to take
chances if they know they have a safe place to come back to when things dont
quite work out. Coming together for special occasions and holidays and just
spending time together as a family is what helps build that sense of belonging.

2. Flexibility. In order, schedules and structures in the family help maintain some
level of sanity. But too much structure and the unwillingness to give a little can
result in a lot of unhappiness and resentment. The more flexibility we have in
decision making, for example, the happier our family will be for it. Imagine one
member of the family always thinking they are right and enforcing their way of
doing things. This certainly wouldnt lead to much happiness within the family
unit.

3. Respect. This is a bit more difficult to define. For my family, to respect each
other is to take feelings, thoughts, needs, and preferences in to account when
making decisions. It also means acknowledging and valuing everyones thoughts,
feelings and contributions to the family as a whole. Respect is indeed earned and
there is a very fine line between it and fear. The only way to earn and keep
someones respect is to first show them respect yourself. Respect as an
important family value will extend out of the home and into school, work or other
social settings.

4. Honesty. This is the foundation of any relationships that are meant to last.
Mother-daughter, husband-wife, sister-brother. Without honesty a deeper
connection will not form and certainly wont last. Encourage honesty by
practicing understanding and respect when someone tells you of their wrong
doings. If we lose it and get angry when were told what has happened the other
person will be more likely to hide it from you next time simply to avoid the
disrespect.

5. Forgiveness. Forgiving people who have wronged you is an important choice to

make. Yes, forgiveness is a choice. It is not some feeling that randomly washes
over you when you feel the other person has suffered enough. This can be
tough since a lot of us tend to equate forgiveness with saying what you did was

okay. They are not the same thing. Holding a grudge, is not conducive to a close
family with mutual respect.
Keep in mind that everyone makes mistake, we all occasionally say things we
wish we hadnt and no of us are perfect. Refer to value 3 communication. Get
issues out in the open, gain some understanding and move on. Life is too short.

6. Generosity. Giving without thinking whats in it for me is an important value

for anyone wanting to be a responsible, contributing member to society. Through
generosity we build empathy since we tend to think more about what people
want or need. Being generous doesnt mean simply handing over money to
someone in need. It can also include giving your time, love, attention or even
some of your possessions.

7. Curiosity. Children have a natural curiosity. If youve ever watched a toddler

even for a couple of minutes youd see that quality shine through. For some that
curiosity wanes. I think its important to encourage and push our kids and even
ourselves to be curious about things. Rarely should we ever just take someones
word for it. How do we spark our curiosity? Ask questions. Lots of them. Read
about a topic you know very little about and dont be afraid to say you dont
know. Critical thinking is an important skill that can be learned and developed
through exploring your own curiosity.

8. Communication. Communication is as much an art as it is a science. A failure

to communicate will like lead to unhappiness and misunderstandings. Small
issues grow into larger ones and when they eventually boil to the surface its
unlikely they will be resolved calmly. Communication is a lot more than simply
speaking your mind. In addition to spoken words, communication also extends to
tone, volume, expression, eye contact, body language and effective listening. I
would argue that this is the most important value for families to have. When
people feel they can talk openly about anything hopes, dreams, fears,
successes or failures all without judgment, its encouraging and strengthens
the bond.

9. Responsibility. Wed all like to be considered responsible people. Some of us

are and some of us are decidedly less so. Responsibility is something that is
learned. As a child you may have been shown how to put your toys away after
playing, how to tidy your room or how and when to feed the dog. This sense of
responsibility extends well into adulthood. An adult who has an intrinsic sense of
responsibility doesnt require a lot of prodding to show up to work on time, return
phone calls or meet deadlines. Setting out individual responsibilities for family
members works to instill this quality in everyone.

10. Traditions. This is by far the most fun for me. I think traditions are what make
a family unique, they draw people together and create a sense of belonging for
everyone. Traditions dont need to be expensive, elaborate or a lot of work. It can
be something as simple as a lazy Saturday morning sipping coffee and chatting
or an annual fondue dinner to ring in the new year. If you dont currently have
traditions in your family, create them! All traditions started with one person why
not let your family traditions start with you? Get creative and have fun.
So those are my top 10 family values. Of course there are others Ill be
incorporating but these are the most important to me.
Child Raising

Child Raising or raising children is a greater responsibility than many people

realize. In addition to meeting their physical and emotional needs, parents have
a responsibility to impart a value system to their children. Value is defined as the
quality or worth of a thing. A family is defined as a social unit consisting of
parents and the children they raise. To combine the words together yields a
definition of: a traditional set of social standards defined by the family and a
history of customs that provide the emotional and physical basis for raising a
family.
Acculturation, which begins at birth, is the process of teaching new generations
of the children accustoms and values of the parents' culture. How people treats
newborn, for example, can be indicative of cultural values. In the United States it
is not uncommon for parents to put a newborn in a separate room that belongs
only to the child. This helps top reserve parents' privacy and allows the child to
get used to having his other own room, which is seen as a first step toward
personal independence. Americans traditionally have held independence and a
closely-related value, individualism, in high esteem. Parents try to instill these
prevailing values in their children. American English expresses these value
preferences: children should "cut the (umbilical) cord" and are encouraged not to
be "tied to their mothers' apron strings." In the process of their socialization
children learn to "look out for number one and to "stand on their own two feet."
Many children are taught at a very early age to make decisions and be
responsible for their actions. Often children work for money outside the home as
a first step to establishing autonomy. Nine- or ten-year-old children may deliver
newspapers in their neighborhoods and save or spend their earnings. Teenagers
(13 to 18 years) may babysit at neighbors homes in order to earn a few dollars a
week. Receiving a weekly allowance at an early age teaches children to budget
their money, preparing them for future financial independence. Many parents
believe that managing money helps children learn responsibility as well as
appreciate the value of money.
Young Adulthood

Upon reaching an appropriate age (usually between 18 and 21 years), children

are encouraged, but not forced, to "leave the nest" and begin an independent
life. After children leave home they often find social relationships and financial
support outside the family. Parents do not arrange marriages for their children,
nor do children usually ask permission of their parents to get married. Romantic
love is most often the basis for marriage in the United States; young adults meet
their future spouses through other friends, at school, at jobs, and in organizations
and religious institutions. Although children choose their own spouses, they 10
still hope their parents will approve of their choices.

In many families, parents feel that children should make major life decisions by
themselves. A parent may try to influence a child to follow a particular profession
but the child is free to choose another career. Sometimes children do precisely
the opposite of what their parents wish in order to assert their independence. A
son may deliberately decide not to go into his father's business because of a fear
that he will lose his autonomy in his father's workplace. This independence from
parents is not an indication that parents and children do not love each other.
Strong love between parents and children is universal and this is no exception in
10 the American family. Coexisting with such love in the American family are
cultural values of self-reliance and independence.
THE ELDERLY
Societal and familial treatment of the elderly also reflects this independence and
individualism. Their financial support is often provided by social security or
welfare systems which decrease dependence on their family. Additionally, older
people may seek their own friends rather than become too emotionally
dependent on their children. Senior citizens centers provide a means for peergroup association within one's own age group. There are problems, however,
with growing old in the United States. Glorification of youth and indifference to
the aged have left many older people alienated and alone.

Some families send their older relatives to nursing homes rather than integrate
them into the homes of the children or grandchildren. This separation of the
elderly from the young has contributed to the isolation of an increasingly large
segment of society. On the other hand, there are many older people who choose
to live in retirement communities where they have the companionship of other
older people and the convenience of many recreational and social activities close
to home.
The Nuclear and The Extended Family
The treatment of the elderly can be further understood by distinguishing
between nuclear and extended family structures. In the United States the nuclear

family, which consists of the father, the mother, and the children, is considered
"the family." The extended family, common in other cultures, includes
grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, and in-laws. The
distinction between the nuclear and extended family is important because it
suggests the extent of family ties and obligations.

In extended families the children and parents have strong tie-sand obligations to
relatives. It is common in these families to support older family members, to
have intensive contact with relatives, and to establish communal housing.

The American nuclear family usually has its own separate residence and is
economically independent of other family members. Relatives are still considered
"family" but are often outside the basic obligations that people have to their
immediate families. When couples marry, they are expected to live
independently of their parents and become "heads of households" when they
have children. It is not unusual in times of financial need for nuclear family
members to borrow money from an ankle rather than from relatives.
Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, then, are not directly involved in the
same way as they would be in an extended family structure.

In both nuclear and extended families, the culture imposes set roles upon
parents. Traditionally the male has been responsible for financial support of the
home and family
members. The female has often been responsible for emotional support, child
raising, and housekeeping. However, among some people in parts of the United
States, these parental functions are no longer fixed.

The prescribed role of the man as "bread-winner" and the woman as housewife is
changing. These changes include working mothers, "househusbands," and an
increasing number of day-care centers for children. Yet, traditional roles may be
preserved even in 10 households where the wife is working. Some mothers work
because of a financial need and not because of a desire to change their role from
housewife to breadwinner. Others choose to work because they feel that financial
support of the family should be shared by the husband and the wife. Still others
are motivated to work because of
professional interests and a desire to
contribute to society. More than 50 percent of American women are part of the
labor force.
Stability and Change in the Family

It is almost impossible to describe a "typical American family" because the

United States is such a heterogeneous country. Although members of ethnic,
racial, or economic groups may assimilate into the educational and employment
system of the establishment, they often maintain their cultural heritage within
the home. Many families have strong religious or ethnic backgrounds which
continue to contribute to the preservation of the close-knit extended family. At
one time, traditional role sand religion had a much stronger influence on the
nuclear family. Now, economic conditions, societal attitudes, and job mobility in
the United States compete with traditional influences.

Changes in the American family structure are evidenced by increased rates of

separation and divorce. In certain areas of the country these trends have
resulted in a growing number of "single-parent" families, remarried parents, and
communal lifestyles. This does not indicate, however, that the institution of
marriage is crumbling. It is estimated that four out of five divorced couples
eventually remarry other people. These shifts in family relationships may be
interpreted as a breakdown or, alternatively, as an adaptation of the American
family to changing roles, attitudes, and values. The changes, according to the
more traditional viewpoint, represent a breakdown in the family structure, a
disintegration of values, and a decline of morality.
Ever hear the saying, "What we have here is a failure to communicate?" A lack of
communication can rip a family apart and destroy them. Things that facilitate
communication are the things mentioned so far -- family closeness, flexibility,
time spent together, spirituality. All members must feel a freedom within the
group to express themselves freely.
Another very important factor is the relationship between the "head" couple. In a
family that is parented by a happily married couple, people are able to express
themselves more freely. What they might say isn't filtered through the problems
of the "guardians." A happy marriage seems to set the tone in the house. It spills
over from the family to the community and a healthy family will be reaching out
to help others. They do not tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world.
A very important thing for families to teach their children is how to make good
decisions. If they have watched their parents making well thought out decisions
over the years, they will tend to be good decision makers themselves.

FAMILY VALUES IN INDONESIA

THE MEANING OF FAMILY

The Javanese in the southern part of Yogyakarta (located in the south of Central
Java), Palu (Central Sulawesi), and most part of Indonesia define the literal word
of family (pamili) as consisting of their bilateral relatives, or kindred, from both
father and mother sides. Each couple and children staying under one roof are
usually called one one keluarga referring to the Indonesian word used by the
state to identify a family, or in anthropological concept: a nuclear family. More
often, people refer to those staying in one house (under one roof) as one rumah
tangga, or household. In governments term, the household is usually referred to
KK that stands for Kepala Keluarga, or translated in English as the head of the
family. Officially the head of the family is the husband or, if the husband
deceased, the widow in that family

CHILD RAISING

In Indonesia, commonly parents put a new born baby not far from their bed or
put the baby in the same room as their parents. Actually it is because
indonesian parents love their children very much especially a new born baby, so
that they soon notice if the baby cries at midnight. They usually put their
children in separated room when they reach 6-7 years of age. at the age of 2-3,
parents start to teach their children religious values and manners. When
reaching the age 18-20, children are encoraged to leave the nest and begin an
independent life, but most of them do not leave home becauseIindonesian
people consider that family is the most important thing.

THE ELDERLY

In Indonesia parents live with their married child. Most Indonesian people live
with their parents although they are married already because they have high

cares to the elder. Children usually watch them doing activities. The extended
family is common in Indonesia which consists of grandparents, aunts, uncles,
cousins, nephews, nieces, and in-laws. in extended family the children and
parents have strong ties and obligations to relatives. It is common in these
families to support older family members and to have intensive contact with
relatives. When they have something in need such as money, they will ask their
family for help first either physically or materially.

FAMILIAL ROLES

Traditionally the male has been responsible for financial support of the home and
family members. The female has often been responsible for emotional support,
child rising, and housekeeping, and maintaining family honor. In Indonesia the
husband is the head of the family. He is the main breadwinner and is responsible
for his family. In the urban area many wives work outside of the home and could
be more successful than her husband, but she will still respect him as the head of
the family, she would give him credit for her success by "allowing her to have a
career", "understanding from time to time she has to work overtime or go abroad
by herself" etc.. In the family, decisions are made together but the husband still
has the last word when it comes to really big decisions. In indonesia, although
both husband and wife works, husbands earnings should be higher than wifes.

Religion is a very important aspect in family life in Indonesia. A strong value of

the need to have the same religion binding a couple constitutes a significant part
of many believers in Indonesia. Marriage in Indonesia is governed by law number
1 of year 1974 on marriage (1974 marriage law). The 1974 marriage law applies
to all Indonesian citizens, regardless of religion. It also requires that every
marriage must be registered according to the regulation of the legislation in
force. The implementing regulations state that non-Muslim marriages must be
registered with the civil registry office following the religious ceremony, while
Muslim marriages must be registered with the local office of religious affairs.
The Indonesian marriage law has been interpreted as prohibitting marriage
between people who follow different religions. In practice, it has been reported
that the law and administrative processes make it difficult to register an interreligious marriage. Couple may therefore, choose to marry overseas or one party
may decide to convert to the religion of the other.
It is also not easy for a person to convert to another religion without their
parents blessings and permissions. Though religious conversion is increasingly

become a common phenomenon, the individuals undergoing such a change have

to face an uneasy challenge from their family.

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