Anthropoovaropartus

A Word Pro Domo for the Professional and the Amateur

By Hanns Heinz Ewers 1910

Translated by Joe E. Bandel 2008
Story copyright Wilfried Kugel
Translation copyright Joe E. Bandel

The 2nd December issue of the London “Medical Review” contained the entire short
notice. It found its way into all the newspapers of the world.

The two Edinburg Doctors, Professor Paidscuttle and Dr. Feesemupp after long
experimentation and several attempts had finally invented the “Anthropoovaropartus”. It
would take the egg from a human female and grow it in accordance with nature. This
technology would be suitable to bring about an eerie change in the life of mankind.

Both gentlemen were carefully guarding the secret for the present but it stood to hope that
it wouldn’t be long until a public announcement would be made.

I was looking over this interesting announcement and a compelling urge came over me to
publicly explain the truth, that the idea of the “Anthropoovaropartus”, a machine that
would grow the eggs of the human female, belonged to me and they should have talked to
me first.

Unfortunately I had been such an ass that instead of a patent I only had a pattern for
protection. For the sake of my Fatherland and for myself I wanted to see this eerie
machine that grew human eggs in accordance with nature and determine if I had been
robbed. I wanted to know if the materialization of my thought had been obtained.

At least I will preserve the glory for each of us. Both Scottish scholars likely put down
everything about their invention of the “Anthropoovaroparatus” so there can be no
dispute over it. I am compelled to name unique witnesses that can prove my side of the
story.

They are:

Superintendent of Public Schools Dr. Schulze of Kőpenick and the foreign maiden Frida
Knäller.
(Current whereabouts unknown by the police)

On the night of 4 to 5 November 1903 I traveled with the Superintendent for three hours
through the early morning down Friedriche St. On the corner of Orianienburger St. we
met up with F. Knäller whom he wanted to strike up an acquaintance with.
I had felt the need to bring these two different people together as matchmaker in an
unceremonious way to see if they would like each other. I observed explicitly a possible
annoyance and unpleasantness in the air and didn’t push it. On the contrary, I felt
compelled to pay for some food and drink.

I find that subtlety is a precondition of the Law when you can’t get what you want. You
can gather from this that I am as good a lawyer as a distinguished physician, which gives
my discovery certain characteristics of both.

Around 117 Friedriche St. I entered the pub “Hulking Hound” with them for the aforesaid
purpose of warming the pair up a bit toward each other. I can say that Superintendent Dr.
Schulze went out of his way to be pleasant while F. Knäller showed a remarkable dislike
toward him in her behavior. In her opposition she was determined to break the lively and
vivacious spirit of the pedagogue.

I ordered a quantity of stimulating beverages in the hopes that it would lighten things up a
bit and we gradually became engrossed in deeper, more scholarly questions.

F. Knäller had read in “Mine-Haha” of the fetal movements of the unborn child and its
transformation. She wanted to know from the educated Superintendent if there was a
solution to the female question wherein some steps could be taken in consideration of the
financially distressed farmer and the academic youth to make their lives easier.

We talked all around this subject of pregnancy and always kept coming back to the main
point of inadequate health care. The Superintendent finally said in conclusion “The only
way the egg could get the nourishment it needed was through its connection to the
mothers womb”.

I would like to say in that moment as he spoke this fateful sentence, a hundred words that
had up till now only been phrases to me became palpable reality. I recognized the symbol
in the painting from Sais and it ripped the veil from my eyes. I held the Philosophers
Stone in my hand. I had laid the egg of Columbus. I sighed deeply three times and felt
that in a single second I had found the solution to the social question and to everything
else.

Then the Superintendent to whom I was indebted raised his hand but I pressed it back
down and ordered the 17th round of grog. While the beverage was being brought I calmed
myself a bit while another wretched witness, Taxi driver 2nd Class No. 7468, came up and
sat at a nearby table.

I stood up, looked at my watch and gave the following speech:

“You will want to note this moment well Ladies and Gentlemen. It marks a revolution in
the unseemly life history of humanity that we have up to now seen. It is now precisely 4
hours and 19 minutes! Furthermore you will want to consider my person and impress
upon your memory that in this moment the man stands before you that can bring the
greatest victory to mankind if you will let him continue.

You, Miss Knäller, only snore. Would you give more special attention to my words if you
knew the destiny you have been given to sit here as the singular representative of your
sex and that through me you will strike a blow that will raise up and advance civilization
a hundred thousand years?

We have been talking about the female question. Why is it that in the war with the male
the female always appears to take the weaker part?

We all know: it is your sexual occupation. It is a fact that the female must carry and then
bear children, and if that is not the case must otherwise regularly suffer in a disagreeable
manner a reminder from nature of her femininity. We want to apply some lever and find a
solution that will lessen the severity of your periods.

From my point of view pregnancy and childbirth in this modern setting now appear
thoroughly inadequate and obsolete. We have a moral obligation!

You, Superintendent should especially honor this time. It is sad that men forbid pregnant
women, who are willing to produce new sons for the Fatherland, to set foot on the street.
Almost daily we see women and virgins wandering around in most inappropriate
circumstances.

I ask you, what impression does this make on the innocent maid that is growing up? The
innocent child wonders. She questions, “Where did I come from?” She goes for days
experiencing things she should never experience. This is so far from hygiene! I ask, is
this condition healthy for women? Simply no, it is not. All suffer down there, some more,
some less but it is acceptable to none.

Then there is the birth! The labor is very intense and many women even collapse from the
pain.

Aesthetically speaking, the time of pregnancy that paints a fat womb on every woman is
now over, thank God!

The newborn is equally as ugly and goes contrary to our perception of beauty. I am
speaking out of an experience with my girl friend, Miss Niedlich. I told her the baby
looked like a noisome scarlet Aztec frog, but the mother found her child very beautiful.
This is a certain sign that child bearing undermines the aesthetic experience.

If I need to give any more proof I can point to the frightful and horrifying state of modern
medicine. It is unworthy and adverse to childbirth and to civilization.

Now I personally don’t have anything against this manner of childbirth. In general it is
worthy, serves to propagate the human race and normally I wouldn’t say a word against
it. Unfortunately my fellowmen have spoken many words about it because they are asses.
So I won’t stay quiet either about the facts of perpetual child bearing and how the female
could be improved from the ground up and not have to endure so much.

My Dear Superintendent, you said, ‘The only way the egg could get the nourishment it
needed was through its connection to the mothers womb’. You have no idea what these
words have given to humanity!

Yes, we could separate the womb of this woman of the future from the exemplary egg
that she carries! We could give her back her womb and from now on if this was done our
women could lay eggs!

We are only mortal humans and can’t transform into a swan like Jupiter and our women
can’t lay eggs. For the singer in the myth this is only a slight difficulty because a God
finds the solution. Today we are capable of finding this solution for ourselves. Where can
we find this knowledge?

Let us consider our predecessor the hen that lays eggs with shells. It holds the missing
piece in which the egg is grown in its womb and then with the nourishment of lime grows
a shell around it and finally passes the entire egg through its body.

In women sadly, this egg is nourished through the connection to the womb along with its
contractions and discomfort. This connection must be severed and an alternate way of
nourishing the egg manufactured and put into place.

This could be something along the lines of the successful Uteroenterostomie performed at
Harvard University by Professor Babywater but in a different, new direction with
continued success. You could reconnect the umbilical cord to a new source of
nourishment and give the fetus what it needs for the best health and growing bones.

{This is a sample. This entire story may be found in Hanns Heinz Ewers Volume I by
Joe E Bandel in cooperation with the Hanns Heinz Ewers estate.}