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Marissa Mondin
Instructor: Malcolm Campbell
English 1103
May 3rd 2016

Handheld Technology: Aiding our Relationships or Destroying Them?

She never had it all, though she never asked or needed it all. She was happy with what
she had, though there was always something that she wanted. Life went on; she battled sickness,

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loss, and adulthood, only to find the thing she had searched for, for years. She had finally found
him and he had found her, in the most imperfectly perfect sense. Everything was happy. Within
the years of joy and growth they stayed together, now to be faced with a new battle. This one

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theyd face together: she was going to college. Their love was strong and their hearts connected,
but she was on her own for now. She was in a place of uncertainty, with her confidence in the
heart of her home, and the love of him at a distance. Through the months she struggled to
understand, to adapt, and to keep what she had at home. She wanted nothing more than to be
Home to see his face not on a screen and his words not encoded in a message.
They battled miscommunication through text message and assumption, slowly altering
their attraction for one another. They were being broken apart and within the tap on a

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touchscreen it all ended. A single message sent out of anger and he was gone. Their two-year

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reworded!to!try!and!get!my!point!across!better!without!
disrupting!the!flow!of!the!narrative.!

long love was challenged by distance, affected by the impatience of interaction, and destroyed by
miscommunication. After three months shes left only with the memories from what seems like
not so long ago, only to remember that message serving as their end through a cell phone rather
than face-to-face, after two years of her life. She is me and this is the result handheld

Comment [MM5]: I!wanted!to!describe!how!the!break!up!

ended!without!any!recognition!whatsoever!in!person,!
basically!a!more!attractive!way!to!say!my!boyfriend!broke!
up!with!me!through!a!phone!and!didnt!even!bother!to!see!
me!to!do!it.!

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technology had on my relationship. My technology usage never seemed to be a problem, though

now Im skeptical. My story made me wonder, and I fell curiously into my topic: Are Handheld
Technologies Aiding our Relationships or Destroying them?
Nomophobia: An abnormal, irrational fear of being without ones mobile device, or of
being unable to communicate using ones mobile device. (Merriam-Webster) A recent study

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revealed this new disorder, showing that as of today it affects around 40% of the population with
cell phones. Relationship Coach and Counselor Dr. Silvia Hart says, Aside from sleep and sex,

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the urge to log into social networking sites is stronger than any other, including drugs and
alcohol, (Sylvia Hart). The study was conducted in Ranco Palos Verdes, California by Mary
Meeker, an analyst at the All Things Digital Conference (a popular ceremony among Wall Street
Journals Digital Network). The purpose of her study was to see What are people really doing
on their phones? One interesting take-away from the 117-page report, was that people check
their phones an average of 23 times a day for messaging, 22 times for a voice call and 18 times
to get the time. Similarly, the study found that while the impulse of logging onto social media

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appears to be less harmful than, say cigarettes or alcohol, it still becomes a vacuum that steals
and alters many peoples time, developing as a routine in which we expect it every day while it
becomes an addiction (Stern, Joanna).
The average smartphone user checks their phone 150 times a day and in a world so
technologically advanced, its hard not to become attached. A majority of us exhibit a fixation
and even an emotional attachment to our phones because theyve become so important to our
lives. A majority of us do it; even I constantly struggle with the urge to check my phone, to fight
the addiction of being constantly connected. Our phones have become extensions of ourselves
personally, physically, and emotionally; they are often the first things we reach for when we

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clarify!and!refine.!

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wake up, and many put more time and attention into their phones than in face-to-face
relationships. So, this poses another question: Has handheld technology been more of a
beneficial or detrimental factor to humans ability in maintaining and creating healthy
relationships?
The topic itself is complicated and wont ever seem to have a definite right or wrong answer. So,
from what standpoint are these technologies affecting our relationships and in what context do
they affect us at all? Some ways these handheld technologies are serving as a beneficial factor in
humans ability to maintain healthy relationships is by helping people stay connected. A quick
email to share events of the day can help your partner feel included, even on busy days. Just
texting a smiley face can do wonders for his or her warm feelings toward you. Similarly, too
much distance can be fatal to any relationship and couples experience a greater bond when they
feel like a part of each others lives. Certain handheld apps like Skype or FaceTime make it so
that even at a distance you can share each others company. While talking on the phone helps
during long separations, seeing your loved one with a touch of the fingertip adds something
special in times where distance is challenged (Phelps, Leslie Beker).
It is beneficial to be able to stay connected, but how has this idea of hyper-connection

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beneficial!aspect!to!cell!phones!in!that!they!help!us!in!the!
act!of!being!able!to!connect!and!communicate.!

affected different peoples needs in relationships and how has the urge for connection created
detrimental affects to relationships? What if someone relied only on these mobile connections to
create and maintain a relationship? How would these connections be different? In such an
advanced world where technology is available to nearly 80% of the country, even young children
are learning how to create friendships and relationships with the influence of handheld
technology as a tool rather than as a luxury of maintenance. Sherry Turkle, a professor of
Science Technology and Society at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, interviewed

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questioning!to!lead!into!the!rebuttal!of!the!previous!
paragraphs!point.!The!detrimental!aspect!of!our!phones!
because!connections!at!our!fingertips.!

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parents, teenagers and children about the use of appliances during early development, and says
based on her results she fears that people who do not learn real interactions will come to know
a world where perfect, shiny screens give them a false sense of intimacy without risk. We need
to be able to think independently, understanding that the device is a tool of communication, not

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beginning!body!of!my!paper!to!touch!on!this!one!aspect!of!
my!argument.!

the means by which to communicate (Bilton). As far as relationships go, it can be dangerous to
rely on handheld technologies to maintain relationships in the sense that through a phone you do
not have the same experiences as one would in person. So, the hyper-connection does not
necessarily outweigh or suffice to the actual physical contact of a relationship.
As far as communication, both sides are valid with their own set of drawbacks, neither
being right nor better than the other. The means by how we communicate depends on a lot of
factors such as the type of people in the relationship, the age, experience, distance factor, etc. It
is unfair to say this is valid for all situations in how they utilize handheld technology in regards
to their connection. The research used has been generalized for the study of this phenomenon.
As far as scientifically, have these devices changed the way the brain reacts to certain
situations? Have they tampered with how we handle social issues creating inabilities in regards
to our relationship maintenance? Well, we really dont know the FULL neurological effects of
these technologies on the brain yet, says Dr. Gary Small, director of the Longevity Center at the
University of California. Children, like adults, vary quite a lot, and some are more sensitive than
others based on a number of factors such as abundance of screen time and age of exposure.
Though, Dr. Small says, we do know that the brain is highly sensitive to motivations, like iPads
and smartphone screens, so when people spend too much time with technology, and less time
interacting with people, that it can hinder the development and function of certain portions of the
brain supplying our communications skills. Motivations in this context are meant as something

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paragraph!to!provide!ore!information.!The!second!
paragraph!serves!as!a!transition!piece!into!my!new!point.!
The!beginning!of!the!third!paragraph!begins!to!show!the!
new!topic!of!interest!being!Have!these!technologies!affect!
how!we!handle!social!issues!negatively?!

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we need in a primitive nature. In essence, it equates the need for screen time to the same need
for something primitive such as sex. The research isnt proposing that these handheld

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as!motivations.!

technologies are a problem per say, but more in saying that the amount of exposure and
dependency can produce certain affects to the brains genetic makeup resulting in such things as
dependency issues, anxiety, and handicapped communication skills. (Bilton)
Cell phones are forcing us to lose social skills, patience, and opportunity of face-to-face
interactions with one another. According to an article in the Huffington Post, children do not
know how to handle face-to-face conflict because so much of their interactions occur through
some sort of technology nowadays. In preschool, children are taught how to share, wait their
turn, make friends, and exhibit good manners. Cell phones are now preventing these important
social skills from being taught at the brains primary stage of development. We grow up with this
sense of technology, psychologically affecting the way we react to real-life society. The
crippling affect of technology in our social confidence prevents long-lasting, healthy
relationships. Cell phones allow us to have immediate access to information. When we have to
wait more than a split second for something we start to get anxious if not angry. This behavior is
encouraged by the exposure of technology that creates a sense of immediate satisfaction through
cell phones. They wont know how to handle another person because they cant handle
themselves (Bindley).

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these!handheld!technologies!being!detrimental!to!
maintaining!and!creating!relationships.!

Though these technologies have had obvious drawbacks when it comes to developing normal
social skills, handheld technology have also done its share of help regarding social skills. In
many cases cell phones have helped people rise above difficulties such as anxiety and shyness.
These mobile devices can give us a sense of comfort and confidence.

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into!the!beneficial!aspects!of!handheld!technology!in!
regards!to!social!skills.!

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Cell phone usage actually has the ability to strengthen bonds and supports face-to-face
contact with friends and family, new studies show. The study was held by Leslie E. Packer a
PhD student at The University of Michigan. The study concerns that cell phones are replacing inperson social contact, detracting from community involvement and relationship development.
Though, the research shows that cell phones may help some people become more socially
involved. (Phelps) Some positive affects of exposure to handheld technologies regarding
relationships, paraphrased from UCLAs Mental Health Center are (Krier):
1.! People who may be isolated, such as those who have interests beyond what is around,
have the opportunity to find compatible peers and build relationships suitable for their
needs and with who the person is.
2.! People who are only children or home-schooled connect are allowed the opportunity to
be comfortable with getting out into the world at their own pace. Some people who
have been homeschool or are only children often have difficult times associating and
socializing in environments other than their home because they dont have siblings to
refer to or experiences other than their home to prepare them for meeting people.
3.! These technologies also have the opportunity to create closer bonds with people they
already know by being able to informally get to know them while still granting the
others respected time.
4.! These devices help to facilitate new and ongoing peer relationships outside of school and
beyond their own peer group at school.

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5.! Connect with peers online for social support, which has been shown to reduce stress as
well as have many health benefits and is especially important for kids who lack having
enough support in their lives.
6.! Reduces social anxiety through self-disclosure which is a process of communication by
which one person reveals information about himself or herself to another. This produces a
sense of connection and helps when in a relationship to be honest and trusted.
7.! Positively boost of self-esteem through receiving positive feedback.
In many senses, handheld technologies have the ability to alter how we think, act, and
feel both personally and in regards to how we handle relationships with people. Side-effects can
range from a person suffering from anxiety being unable to interact with a person to lack of
communication skills, which is not 100% the fault of handheld technology, but it still holds some
blame. To summarize my research, I decided to create a poll of my own to be able to include my
own research. To conduct this poll, I produced a number of questions (I will list below) in which
I asked 50 girls and 50 boys on campus from a variety of ethnic groups, majors, and ages to
answer. The questions I asked are as followed:
1.! How much time a day do you think you spend on your phone?
2.! Do you think the abundance of having cell phones has made it easier or more
difficult to create and maintain healthy relationships?
The result to my first question was that on average, girls spend 6 hours a day on their phone
while boys spend 4 hours a day on their phone. The result of my second question was that 80%
of girls believe the abundance of handheld technologies has made it more difficult in
maintaining healthy relationships, while 40% of boys believe the abundance of handheld
technology has made it more difficult in relationships. I developed these questions in the hope to

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aspects.!

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produce a general consensus of normal every day students perspective on my topic. Given, my
poll is just a random sample of students at UNCC and are not absolutely accurate to the whole
consensus, it suffices enough of an average of my surrounding peers that they believe handheld
technologies do indeed affect humans abilities to maintain and create healthy relationships, both
detrimentally as well as beneficially.

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presented!in!regards!to!the!specifics!of!the!study!I!did!for!
myself.!

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Works Cited
Bilton, Nick. "The Child, the Tablet and the Developing Mind." Bits Blogs. The New York
Times, 31 Mar. 2013. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.
Bindley, Katherine. "When Children Text All Day, What Happens To Their Social Skills?" The
Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 9 Dec. 2011. Web. 02 May 2016.
Frejd, Sylvia Hart, Dr. "Nomophobia: The Fear of Being Without Your Smartphone." American
Association of Christian Counselors, 13 May 2012. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.
Harvath, Andi. "How Does Technology Affect Our Brains?" The Age National. Fairfax Media, 4
June 2015. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.
Koifman, Natasha. "Can Social Media Actually Benefit Relationships?" The Huffington Post.
The Huffington Post. 17 Oct. 2013. Web. 16 Mar. 2016.

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Krier, Jessica. PDF. Los Angeles: UCLA Mental Health Center, 14 May 2013. PDF.
Lickermen, Alex. "The Effect Of Technology On Relationships." Psychology Today. Sussex
Publishers, LLC. 10 June 2010. Web. 14 Mar. 2016.
"Nomophibia." Merriam-Webster. Ed. Deborah Netburn. Merriam-Webster, 17 Feb. 2012. Web.
01 May 2016.
Phelps, Leslie Becker. "How Technology Can Save Your Relationship Relationships."
WebMD. Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, 14 Mar. 2012. Web. 01 May 2016.
Powers, William. "How Our Digital Devices Are Affecting Our Personal Relationships." NPR.
17 Jan. 2013. Web. 14 Mar. 2016.
Stern, Joanna. "Cellphone Users Check Phones 150x/Day and Other Internet Fun Facts." ABC
News. ABC News Network, 29 May 2013. Web. 01 May 2016.
"Technology Can Have Positive or Negative Impact on Social Interactions." Human-

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kinetics. HK Rewards. 2010. Web. 14 Mar. 2016.

Voegeli, Allison. "SiOWfa14 Science in Our World: Certainty and Cont." SiOWfa14 Science in
Our World Certainty and Cont. Penn State, 14 Sept. 2014. Web. 02 May 2016.