PRESSURE POINT

CONTINUITY

Our story takes place in a single day.

1. Morning. Griffith home. Begins in the morning at the

Griffith home as the prepare for their trip.
2. Same time. Notting Hill. The bank robbery at Notting
Hill bank.
3. Later that morning. Motor home. The Griffith family on
the road. The motor home dies.
4. Same time. Bank. The aftermath of the bank robbery.
Paramedics take Hunt’s wife away.
5. Minutes later. The motor home. Jed works on engine.
6. Minutes later. Hospital. Hunt at hospital. Informed
his wife is going to surgery.
7. Minutes later. Bank. Hunt back at bank?
8. Minutes later. Motor home. Kidnapper, disguised as
patrolman, arrives at motor home.
9. Minutes later. Highway. Patrolman Levy is found by
police officers. Hunt and Flowers are already there?
10. Minutes later. Motor home. Kidnapper reveals his true
motive.
11. Minutes later. Highway. Police search immediate area
of Levy crime scene. Hunt and Flowers still there. Hunt
is going back to hospital.
12. Same time. Motor home traveling (towards crime
scene?)(which one?) Bank robbery? Kidnapper in control.
13. Minute later. Highway. Hunt passes motor home on road.
14. Minutes later. Highway. Hunt discovers abandoned
patrol car. Inspects car and discovers blood.
15. Minutes later. Motor home. Motor home traveling.
Stopped by Flowers at roadblock? Her search of motor
home is cut off by Hunt’s call announcing he found
abandoned patrol car. Hunt takes a long time to call it
in?
16. Minute later. Highway. Shortly after leaving
roadblock, Jed loses control of motor home as deer leaps
on road. Jed is shot. Is this within earshot of police
at roadblock?
17. Later. Hospital. Hunt back at hospital. Finds out
his wife is dead. Flowers is there?
18. Later. Motor home. Kidnapper traveling with family.
Motor home runs out of gas.
19. Later. Hospital. Hunt at roadblock. Receives a call
from Flowers.
20. Minutes later. Motor home. Wayne drives up and offers
to help with motor home.
21. Minutes later. Highway. Mavis and Skip find Jed. They
mistake him for bank robber. Jed escapes.
22. Minutes later. Highway. Wayne taking kidnapper and
Tiffany to gas station. How did they get there?
23. Minutes later. Highway. Hunt interviews Mavis and Skip
where they found Jed.
24. Minutes later. Woods. Jed escaping through woods.
25. Minutes later. Motor home. Hayle and Shane debate what
to do. They hide from good Samaritan.
26. Later. Gas station. Wayne and kidnapper and Tiffany at
gas station. Tiffany goes to bathroom. Discovers phone.
Kidnapper pays for gas.
27. Same time. Motor home. Hayle and Shane waits for
Kidnapper and Tiffany. Shane punctures brake line.
28. Same time. Gas station. Kidnapper goes to find Tiffany.
Discovers pay phone.
29. Later. Montage of Hunt and search party tracking Jed
through woods.
30. Minutes later. Kidnapper returns to motor home. Motor
home drives off leaving oil stain. How much time could
have passed from going to get gas, get gas and return to
motor home? Could not be more than 15-20 minutes?
31. Later. Police station. Mavis and Skip help with sketch
of Jed.
32. Later. Motor home traveling. Kidnapper searches for
landmark.
33. Later. Woods. Jed running from search party.
34. Same time. Montage of Jed’s sketch as it prints.
35. Later. Motor home traveling. Oil leak continues.
36. Minutes later. Gas station. Patrolman delivers sketch
to attendant and pulls away. Phone rings and as
attendant answers the phone Jed arrives. Jed steals
salesman’s car. Attendant calls police on cellular
phone.
37. Minutes later. Jed driving down the highway.
38. Same time. Woods. Hunt gets call about Jed at gas
station.
39. Minutes later. Jed driving.
40. Same time. Hunt driving.
41. Minutes later. Jed takes turnoff following motor home.
42. Same time. Hunt drives past turnoff and sees Jed’s car.
The chase is on followed by shootout. Jed escapes into
the woods as more police arrive.
43. Minutes later. Woods. Jed running away.
44. Same time. Hunt peers into woods.
45. Later. Search party has been organized. Blood hounds
arrive.
46. Later. Woods. Jed on the run. Hears blood hounds in
the distance. How long has it been and how far has he
traveled. Not long and not far if he hears the blood
 hounds. The next scene the dogs are just moving into the
woods from roadway.
47. Same time. The dogs start into the woods leading the
search party.
48. Minutes later. Woods. Jed running. Hears the dogs
closing in.
49. Same time. Woods. Dogs searching for Jed. Pick up
scent.
50. Minutes later. Woods. Jed falls into bear trap.
51. Same time. Woods. Hunt and search party tracking Jed.
52. Same time. Woods. Jed struggles inside bear trap.
53. Same time. Woods. ATV traveling through woods.
54. Same time. Woods. Jed struggles in bear trap. ATV
arrives and Guard pulls him out.
55. Same time. Woods. Hunt receives a message from
headquarters. Trouble at the station.
56. Same time. Police station. Kingman and his people
demonstrating as press looks on.
57. Minutes later. Police station. Hunt is inside watching
demonstration. Militia exposition. Why would Hunt
abandon search if they are so close?
58. Minutes later. Woods. Hunt is back in the woods asking
everyone why they’re standing around. Flowers is
suddenly there. Has she been there all along?
59. Later. Secondary road. Motor home. Hayle pleads to be
released. Kidnapper finds dirt road, instructs Hayle to
take it.
60. Same time. Woods. Guard and Jed on ATV. They see
compound in distance.
61. Same time. Woods. Hunt and search party find bear pit.
Police ATVs arrive. They follow ATV tracks.
62. Same time. Compound. Jed is led into house. Meets
Kingman.
63. Same time. Woods. Police ATVs following Jed’s trail.
64. Same time. Compound house. Kingman interrogates Jed.
Jed is left alone. He searches for a way out. Changes
clothes.
65. Same time. Woods. Search party closing in on Jed.
66. Same time. Dirt road. Motor home arrives at compound
gate.
67. Same time. Compound. Monitors show motor home at gate.
68. Minutes later. Compound. Motor home drives towards
house. Jed wants to take care of it alone.
69. Minute later. Compound. Kingman searches Jed’s
clothes. Finds Jed’s business card with to-do list on
back.
70. Same time. Woods. Hunt and search part watch compound
and motor home as it pulls up. Jed approaches.
71. Same time. Compound. Kidnapper locks kids in bathroom
before stepping out of motor home with Hayle. Jed gets
the drop on Kidnapper.
72. Same time. Woods. Hunt and search party watching
compound. Hunt is going in alone.
73. Same time. Compound. Jed is exposed by Kingman and
taken prisoner.
74. Same time. Woods. Flowers watching. Confused by what
she sees.
75. Same time. Motor home. Shane struggles to escape from
bathroom.
76. Minute later. Compound house. Jed and Hayle led into
house.
77. Same time. Compound perimeter. Flowers and others
close in. Thinks something’s wrong. Calls Hunt.
78. Same time. Compound house. Kingman discovers the
compound is surrounded by police. Shootout begins as
police storm compound. Wicker is confronted by Hunt.
Kingman and Hunt fight. Wicker escapes in motor home.
Jed chases, jumps on motor home. Hunt almost shoots Jed.
Flowers saves him.
79. Same time. Motor home. Wickers driving furiously away.
Shane struggles to get free.
80. Same time. Motor home. Jed fights to hang on. Cop
shoots tire.
81. Same time. Motor home. Wicker fights to control wheel.
Shane is almost free. Another cop fires, hits Wicker.
Motor home is out of control. Jed hangs on. Shane
escapes bathroom. Shane drives.
82. Same time. Dirt road. Hunt and cops in pursuit.
83. Same time. Motor home. Jed regains control and climbs
on the roof.
84. Same time. Motor home. Shane struggles to get to the
driver’s seat. Reaches driver’s seat, pulls Wicker off.
Motor home heading towards closed gate. No brakes.
85. Same time. Motor home. Jed crawls across roof.
86. Same time. Motor home. Motor home crashes through
gate. Jed swings inside through windshield. Jed gets
behind wheel. Again, no brakes.
87. Minute later. Motor home. Sharp curve ahead and no way
to slow down.
88. Seconds later. Motor home. Motor home flies off road
and bounces through trees as Jed struggles with brakes
and transmission. Motor home is heading for a very steep
cliff. Finally, motor home rolls over and dangles off
edge of cliff. It is now teetering on the edge of
disaster.
89. Seconds later. Motor home. Jed and Shane carefully
look for Tiffany. Motor home rocking back and forth
ready to go over.
90. Seconds later. Jed and Wicker fight to the death.
Etc…etc…etc…

NOTES:

1. Shane should be hipper (by today’s youth standards)and

with greater maturity that he is showing now. It’s
difficult for Jed to accept that his son is maturing into
a young man. Shane wants to prove to Jed that he is
capable and responsible.

Note: Shane’s dialogue> there is a definite today slang

among teens to color Shane’s dialogue. It could help define
the generation gap with his father: they both use slang but
one is outdated (dad) the other is not (Shane). Dad doesn’t
quite understand what Shane is talking about.

i.e. “da bomb” (Shane) “groovy” or “rad” (dad)

“cool beans” (Shane) “right on” (dad)
I’m not suggesting Shane should become Pauly Shore. He would
just come off like an idiot.

Slang from band’s lyrics is a good place to use.

Easy to understand: 24-7

Sprinkle Shane’s speech with just the right amount. It

might be a good joke between Jed and Shane as they toss
their generational slang at each other while Jed is getting
the motor home ready. Jed thinks he’s being very cool and
Shane knows he’s not. Jed might even try to use Shane’s
slang. Of course, it doesn’t work and Shane lets him know.
As always the slang of the moment only sounds cool coming
from certain people. i.e. They don’t work with mom or dad
as they drive the Volvo on the way to the Galleria.

Since a great portion of our story does not involve

interplay between Jed and Shane, except for the opening and
ending, we should explore the relationship between Wicker
and Shane. That is, a hardened criminal with no moral
values or conscience, (the opposite of Jed) and a young boy
moving towards young manhood. Shane carries the strength
and values taught to him by his father. He is now the man
of the house since they assume Jed is dead. Shane tries to
defend his family as best he can but is outmatched by a
stronger and more cunning adversary. Wickers can see how
much Shane wants to be brave and taunts the boy. This can
pay off at the end when Shane shows his bravery and
resourcefulness.
2. The time line of the story is less than a day. We might
consider spreading it by either slowing things down a bit
or allowing for one night. Ending could take place the
following morning.

This could help the problem of how fast Jed’s sketch is

done and distributed so fast.

3. Hunt and Flowers seem to beam around a la Star Trek. So

does Kingman.
4. More tension could be explored between Wickers and Hayle.
Hayle loses some of the personality she had from the
opening once they are taken hostage.
5. The leaking brakes might be reconsidered since it takes
such a long time for the oil to leak out. Is it
necessary? The problem could occur when the cops shoot
at the motor home. I know the object is to create
tension as we watch the brakes lose their oil but it’s a
kind of build that doesn’t pay off.
6. The end sequence works well as a whole. We just need to
board it moment by moment to make it exciting and
dramatic.
7. Does Hunt’s wife need to die? Maybe she in intensive
care and it doesn’t look good. Is that enough motivation
for Hunt? If we allow the story to evolve over a single
night her death might occur during the night.

Some slang terms:

1. sweet (adj.) Good; very good; nice

2. wack/wacked/whack/whacked (adj.) uncool; boring
3. da bomb/the bomb (adj.) Good; very good; the best
4. What’s up? (int.) Greeting; hi.
5. like (int.) No real meaning; just a filler
6. mack/mack on (verb) To kiss; to make out
7. chick (noun) A female
8. floss (verb) To show off; to flaunt; to be flashy
9. phat (adj.) Good; very good; cool; great; awesome
10. stoked (adj.) very happy and/or excited
11. cool (adj.) good; very goo; excellent
12. grub/grub on (verb) to eat
13. dope (adj.) good; very good; cool; great
14. my bad (phrase) my fault; my mistake (implies apology)
15. kick it (verb) to relax
16. tight (adj.) good; very good; sharp; cool;attarctive
17. trip/trip out (verb) to act crazy; to overreact; to
worry.
18. chill/chill out (verb) to relax
19. dude (noun) A person.
20. All over it (phrase) to be interested or involved in
something.
21. boss (adj.) very cool
22. bugly (adj.) butt ugly
23. bunk (adj.) something that is not working
24. cheesy times 10 (adj.) something cheesy beyond the usual
realm of cheesyness; especially something gaudy or from
the 80’s.
25. chickenhead (noun) an ugly person
26. clueless (adj.) naïve
27. creechy (adj.) weird
28. dis (verb) disrespect
29. foo (vocative) fool
30. gimped out (adj.) messed up; retarded-looking
31. issues (noun) problems
32. jam (verb) to leave
33. kick it (verb) to relax
34. negatory (int.) No
35. rentals (noun) parents
36. the grail (adj.) the ultimate anything
37. total z (adj.) total zero
38. whatever (interjection) I don’t care