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KISSED BY GOD

BY
Kristie Donohue and God
In 2003, I became sick with what doctors called schizophrenia. I felt like someone
was watching me and that people on T.V., on the radio, and in books knew me and were
talking to me. I first thought the government was watching me then I thought a singer
was watching me. I was convinced this singer knew me personally and was writing me
letters in his songs, although we never met. I thought he was taping my life. I thought he
was talking to me. There was something about this singer that mesmerized me. For years
I wrote him poems, I painted him pictures, and I wrote him letters. When I wrote him
letters I called him Angel. Soon after, he began answering my letters on the radio. One
day in January, I thought he asked me to marry me, but I never met him or spoke to him.
The question came to my mind. So, I went to my church to meet him on January 16, 2005
to get married, but he wasnt there. I went home and cried. Soon after that I told my
father I wanted to speak Spanish. I didnt speak Spanish but the next day I woke up
speaking Spanish. It was his mother. In Spanish she told me she liked his song, to
welcome the baby in to the world, and that he was the fountain of the world.
Throughout my illness, the messages were horrifying; I was scared, paranoid, and
extremely fearful. It was like I was living in Hell. Years after I first got sick I decided I
would kill myself, so I drank alcohol all day and all night for weeks in August, 2007 in
New York City. I wound up on the streets of Miami, drunk for a week, crying, lost, and
alone. My uncle in Florida took me in. My uncle was a religious man and he told me in
Florida: this is the point in the story where you find out who you are. I didnt know
what he meant. I stayed in Florida for 2 months. The day before I was about to leave I
looked at his cat and thought it was magical because it had human emotions and
compassion. While I cried the cat hugged me. I remembered a poem I wrote called My
Army Of Wild Cats. The poem was about having to let go of someone in your life when
you dont want to. I recited the last lines of the poem: I couldnt speak about my heart
because it wasnt there it was in you the music was in you. After I said the poem out
loud I turned around and two perfectly shaped hearts were written in the sky. It was so
magical. I ran and told my uncle, but he told me hearts in the clouds disappear. For some
reason in Florida I got the feeling that I was married, but I didnt know who I was
married to. I also got the feeling that Angel was coming to see me. I moved back to New
York, to Queens. I was convinced Angel was coming to see me on Thursday so I got
sober and I got dressed nice every Thursday in case he came. Then I thought he would
come Friday; then I thought he would come Sunday. Every Thursday, Friday, and Sunday
I got dressed nice in case he came. One day it came to me that I should read the Bible. I
had not read the Bible since I was a kid, but something told me to read the Bible. I read
Revelations and as I read I said to myself I am The Whore from Babylon. Then I
realized, I grew up in Babylon Long Island. I got pissed at God and at church and I
expressed my anger to God daily. One day I went to sleep and woke with a ghost making
love to me in my bed. Years past after that and one day I recited Shakespeare, Romeo and
Juliet, and then a painting fell off my wall. I knew there was a ghost in my room. A

month later a voice came to me. It was January 14, 2009. The voice said something about
my wedding anniversary on the 16th, but I ignored it. By this time I was mad at Angel and
I didnt want him in my life. It had been 6 years and I felt like I was in Hell. Two months
later, on March 13th, 2009, I lay down in bed. An invisible man kissed me. He then took
off my clothes and made love to me. We made love in silence for three days. He didnt
speak to me and I could not see him, I only felt him. The next week he came to me on my
job. I was a house cleaner in Manhattan and as I was cleaning an apartment, he just
started speaking to me. He was invisible, you could not see him or touch him, but he
could talk to me and touch me. He told me he was the singer I thought he was, he was
God, and I was his wife. He also said something about us having a child together. When
home he talked to me daily, and there is so much more. He asked me to buy a book about
Mary Magdelene. God has been with me ever since. He calls himself God. We talk every
day. We write each other letters. We paint. We sing. We dance. We laugh. We fight
violently. We pray. We go for walks. We visit his mother (the Virgin Mary). He makes me
laugh all day long. I hate him violently and I love him passionately. I love him because
its hard not to love him, and I hate him because I feel like he has stolen my life from me.
We are currently writing a book about the wars we get into that are very funny, but this is
a book of love poems. Some of the poems I wrote to him while he was gone, and others
we wrote together while he was here. Some of the poems are funny, some are sad, some
are romantic, some are spiritual, some are philosophical, and some are you decide. I
guess you can call these poems my love letters to God, because they were all written for
God. When I say you in the poems I am talking about God. We hope you enjoy these
poems and that they uplift you. Thank you for reading them, I appreciate it. I want to also
thank my Angel, my mother and father, and my sisters and brothers for all their support
while I was going through tough times. Please be gentle with your criticism; I am not
good at grammar, I cannot afford an editor, and these poems are self published. You will
probably find a mistake in here that I overlooked, some of the grammar mistakes are
intentional conversation pieces and I use it for the flow and beat of the poem. If you have
any comments about my poems or any questions you would like ask or if you just want to
say hello my email address is kristiedono@gmail.com. God Bless you all on your
journey through life may you find the truth and the truth is love.
With Love, Kristie and God
Babylon, New York, 2011

First Edition

What Dreams Are Made Of


To love even when you know are taking a chance
To accept a broken heart after its over and
Still believe in romance
To lose everything and still dance
To sing even when people tell you to shut up
When they tell you sit down, to stand
To do it anyway, when they tell you cant
To listen because listening is divine
To argue, yet be open to changing your mind
Even in hate, to love
This is what dreams are made of
To Forgive
To forgive, is to live.
To hate, is to die.
To love is to see with another mans eyes.

Sometimes

Angel Wants To Lock Me Up

Hands ten thousand miles apart like


Tiny rose buds
Dying to break free
Your tongue like a painters confusing
Modern art all over me
I dont have to go anywhere
I can travel heights to the Himalayas
In your hair
Id know lost languages
In Africa

Just from the way your shoulder speak


I could burn
Rain
Just from the heat
I know why there is thunder
Its always the body youre under
I shake
This secret could cause an earthquake
Somewhere
Because even silent it is still dying to be
Revealed
Ten days
The bodys still dying to feel
What its like
Ive been crazy
Nothing can calm me down
I argue with the guy in the grocery store
Over a dime
And put nails on the ground
For when the kids pass with their bikes
They are always shouting, and pouting,
And crying about little Mike
Im always telling them
To take a hike

But they dont listen


Im always telling everybody
What I dont like
Roses are too red
The moon is too light
Summers arent hot enough
That kiss was too right
I only argue with people I hate
I dont talk to anybody else
When my boss told me I had to work late
I told him to fuck off
And find some whore to date
Its not like me
To want to be free
Every driver makes me mad
Every party makes me sad
Every smile makes me bad
Because of you
You dont know what your face could do
You dont know what it is like
To not be allowed to touch you
Your touch is food
Without it Im desperate
Im a thief in the day

And a thief at night


From the flowers Im stealing Monday
From the sun Im stealing light
Im even stealing
Kisses just to heal it
But the heart never wakes
A Thousand birds die in Costa Rica
When my body shakes
I know why there are tornadoes
Because you are not near
I know why there are meteor crashes
Because you are not here
Even the stars
Are the wrong color and out of shape
They should be triangles
And Orange or Pink
The ocean is too large
And I shouldnt think
I think too much about you
Even when I dont know it
I know God made diamonds
To secret your eyes
I know God made dark earth
Because it was the color of your hands

I know God made mountains


Because it was your thighs
I know God made war
Because he didnt want us to understand
And God made bananas too
Because of your private thing
You know I sing
I go out on the street like a fool in the city
And I sing out loud and off key
Just to have something
That will touch you
Everyone tells me to shut up
And I threaten them with my weak hands
I know
They just dont understand
Ive gone crazy
Youre in everything I do
If I could just touch you
If I could just make love to you
Everything would be beautiful
But I cant
And that is hell on earth
That is a tragic birth
Every minute I lived

Hurt without you


Baby blue
But youre really not Blue
Youre some
Page I forgot to write
He would have seen it
He would have read the poem if
It was more beautiful
But I couldnt write it
I didnt know how
To be more beautiful
Than him
Cant Tame the Wild Heart
I know your type
Youre the type
To swallow the sun
And give the world night
I bet youre the one who broke
The wings on the flowers
And stole their flight
You probably made a million miles
Just steal sight
And you commanded shadows
That follow
To steal light
Whats left
To take right

If two bodies touched and


Two heartbeats
Were always a song
And two piano notes
Always in a fight
And a kiss always wrong
Youd color paper
Green
To hide the white
Youd take the pen from
The moon
So she couldnt write
Her song
Youd make a law
To make love
Wrong
And right
And yet
Youd make the sun
Always forget
Heartache
And rise again
On love and hate
Youd be that much to me
You must take the music
From the colors Magenta and Blue
Because their song
Is too powerful
For you
You confuse mirrors
So much
The only thing it knows is

Its own echo


You answer darkness with stars
So that
Time will always follow
And our own faces
We no longer know
Then love the man so passionately
Only to have to one day let him go
We dont die youd say
We simply forget who we are
At midnight you were the page
Who refused to speak
Now youre bleeding
Love
From a guitar
I see you give so much distance to stars
So that they are forever lonely and apart
Then you give the wrong song to a guitar
That it is forever meaning to be art
You can kill the song with silence
Knowing there are a thousand sounds in a song that never starts
And you can kill the girl with lonelinesss violence
And you can tear a smile and a tear apart
And you can kill the dance
With that one sound
The body never found
And you can kill music
With the drum of war
And you can kill
The body
With time
And you can kill love

With hate
Until the whole world falls apart
But you cant, you cant, you cant tame the wild heart
Im the laughter
In your eyes
That dreamt of flying
So contagious
Flew right into my nose
Doing what it was made to do
Didnt know how to do anything else
But fly
Im the violin that is always
Crying
And yet the smile
That doesnt know how to cry
Im the song
On the radio
That doesnt know how to die
Im the dance
In your body
That just doesnt know
How to lie
Im the kiss
In your eyes
That tries
With everything it is
Even when closed
Cant be blind
Im the laughter in your eyes
That tries
But cant hide
The dance

That defies
Hate
The lovers fate
Im the dream
Of the guitar
That can still touch
Where the forbidden lies
Im love
And the reason why
The song that tries
But just cant die
The smile that tries
But just cant lie
The laughter that tries
But just cant cry
And you can imprison
The sun
And give everyday rain
You could give a woman
The tragedy of a man
And love
Chains
You could give
Hope
Pain
You could give
Forgiveness
Blame
And
Hurt change
But this heart
This burning heart

You cannot tame


We dont die youd say
We simply forget who we are
At midnight you were the page
Who refused to speak
Now youre bleeding
Love
From a guitar
I see you give so much distance to stars
So that they are forever lonely and apart
Then you give the wrong song to a guitar
That it is forever meaning to be art
You can kill the song with silence
Knowing there are a thousand sounds in a song that never starts
And you can kill the girl with lonelinesss violence
And you can tear a smile and a tear apart
And you can kill the dance
With that one sound
The body never found
And you can kill music
With the drum of war
And you can kill
The body
With time
And you can kill love
With hate
Until the whole world falls apart
But you cant, you cant, you cant tame the wild heart

A Dream So High

He lives in a world
Where he sees fighting and guns
Everyday
Bullets like a gateway
To another dream
Im scared
If God would have just gave me one more day
I could tell you what Ive seen
Id drink all night and go dancing in the club
Id finally kiss her so hard Id leave a freckle
On her breast
Where Id always be
Baby, dont cry
Just remember me
When Im gone you can still talk to me
Just remember
All day in bed
Only a night to remember everything we said
Baby, that freckle is our whole story
It could be your secret; it could be as told as a rainbow
Right there
The sun, the mountains, and the sea
We are
Everything
You and me
Is this really something
That has to be learned so young?
Just dont ask why
Butterflies have every reason to cry
But they dont, they smile wide
Butterflies only live one summer
And then they die
But they choose life anyway

For that one sweet moment when they fly


Finally
I have this dream, he told me
Its not really a dream, its a song
Its not really a song, its a spirit
That is going to carry us
Out of this place
Its going to put the smile
Back on your face
I have this dream, its not really a dream its a song
I have this song, its not really a song
Its a spirit
That is going to hold you
When you are alone
Its going to put a million dollars
In every single home
Its going to take you on vacation
Its going to give you a feast
Its going to paint you a painting
Its going to rise from the east
Its going to take every hurricane
And give you a sunny day
Its going to wipe every tear from
Your eyes away
I have this dream, its not really a dream its song
Its not really a song, its a spirit
That never dies
Baby, dont cry
This is so hard to say
Goodbye
I dont want to

What happens to a dream so high?


That we dont belong to it
Who profits from our pain?
What happened to our name?
What happens to love in blame?
What happened to our voices in the change?
What happened to a dream so high?
That we dont belong to it
What happens when we die?
Then a song comes in
And lifts me so high
Carries me right through the sky
That every time it dies
It defies
Death
And just as its about to turn
It steals another breath
And
No matter how many times he falls
The sun will always rise
Just tell him we remember
We will always remember
We were crucified
Because every bird was made to fly
There was a time when he was young
That he didnt know
What a gun shot was supposed to mean
He thought it was a sort of love
That couldnt be seen
Until one day he saw it
Steal all his dreams

Just the sound breaks me


And Im shattered all over
You should know these things
And why
Just from the rip of its sound
How the world grays
How all hope dies
All around us
Another boy we crucify
For power
That night he died
I died too
But I was still here
Looking for you
I could still feel his body touch me
In the rain
I still carried his name
I could still hear
His cry
In the wind
He was laughing out loud
With wings
So proud
Saying every time
There is a rainbow
An Angel has fallen in love
He was telling me to
Dance
To dance
To dance
And I danced

I have this dream, he told me


Its not really a dream, its a song
Its not really a song, its a spirit
That is going to carry us
Out of this place
Its going to put the smile
Back on your face
I have this dream, its not really a dream its a song
I have this song, its not really a song
Its a spirit
That is going to hold you
When you are alone
Its going to put a million dollars
In every single home
Its going to take you on vacation
Its going to give you a feast
Its going to paint you a painting
Its going to rise from the east
Its going to take every hurricane
And give you a sunny day
Its going to wipe every tear from
Your eyes away
I have this dream, its not really a dream its song
Its not really a song, its a spirit
That never dies
Baby, dont cry
This is so hard to say
Goodbye
I dont want to
What happens to a dream so high?
That we dont belong to it
Who profits from our pain?

What happened to our name?


What happens to love in blame?
What happened to our voices in the change?
What happened to a dream so high?
That we dont belong to it
What happens when we die?
Then a song comes in
And lifts me so high
Carries me right through the sky
That every time it dies
It defies
Death
And just as its about to turn
It steals another breath
And
No matter how many times he falls
The sun will always rise
Just tell him we remember
We will always remember
We were crucified
Because every bird was made to fly
I Know What Youre Missing in Your Life
The men at war
Who believe they want more
Than their lives
Are his lost hope
The long mile
The alcohol, a medicine that doesnt cure
His sick soul
Sadness hidden under his smile

The garbage polluting the shore


The lost innocence of a child
To want more
The way he touches
Angrily, fearfully, cautiously, and unsure
To ignore lust
How they just
Made a young girl a whore
He argues
With the girl in the grocery store
Over a dime
He argues with the moon
About believing in time
Looking at a volcano
The way he lost his mind
And more
Listening to his anger in the thunder
As the acid rain pours
All the time
On the street
Hearing voices
Of darkness and light
Punching the air, yelling at himself
Its a strange war he fights
Fighting for her life
In his own defeat
He doesnt know that hes dancing
Arms out in the hopeless air

To Gods broken heartbeat


Cant enjoy sex
Cant eat sugar
Moralities and rules that perplex
The hungry body
Dont cry out
Deny
The way his guns shout out
His name
Knowing what its like to die
Of emotional pain
Bombs bursting in the sky
Reveal
The anger in his lost eyes
Fighting
On the street over a girl
The anger
The wine turned to tears
The darkness of the world
Happiness lost in time
Sadness becoming too many years
Road rage
For every bird a cage
Everyone enraged
An angry storm, his revenge
His hunger, an earthquake
Everything we hate
This tragic fate

A hurricane that came


To blame
Feels like I can die today in the rain
The thunder
Of his pain
Whore
The way we give
Her a name
A cry in the night
For freedom and for our rights
To live courageously pierced die in the fight
Bravery misconstrued
And religion on the bathroom floor
We dont know what
Were fighting for
Anymore
I can feel it
The world feels it
We can all feel it
In our strife
That God has no wife

Doesnt God know


What a wife is made to do?
When the world hates you
Your wife loves you
When they lie
She tells you what is true

When youre sick


She dances for you
When youre angry
She wears the dress you love and
She gets you in the mood
For love
When youre hungry
She cooks you your favorite food
She rubs your hair
When youre sad
And makes you smile
When youre mad
In the bedroom
She lets you get a little bad
She turns the world around for you
Until hurricanes cant destroy
And guns cant kill
Little boys
She turns your anger
In to happiness
For every curse
She blesses
When you say no
She says yes
And cleans up
All your mess
God I know what youre missing
In your life

Your wife

Each lonely word is an invitation

Into a man's and a woman's soul.

Each lonely word

Reaches out

To touch you

And always misses.

Each reader who for one moment

Understands

Is my soul mate.

These words were made to find

My soul mate.

I hope one day they find you.

I've been lost

Without language

Roaming the world

Looking for my soul mate my whole life.

And now that you are here

My poem

Is complete.

Just a word

Has finally found

Its meaning.

Angel
Hes a thief and he lies all the time
Hell steal your heart
For free
And then sell it for a dime
Hell convince you
Apples cant be owned
Because they are Gods
When its clear that hes out of his mind
When the farmer comes out
With a gun in his yard
He touches my skin and
Tells me
One plus one is really infinity
He says
The sun is really a painter
And a thunderstorm is really a madmans symphony
Just a kiss, a kiss
And Im Blue all over now
Still wondering
What he did to me
He is the type to catch butterflies
And put them in a frame
So that he can say beauty is his
And sign it with his name
To confuse everybody
And one day change the color of rain
He is the type

To laugh at his own pain


He pinches himself to train for the world's heartache he would say
He only mourns
A songless
Day
When he likes you
He steals all your money
And keeps you down
He tells me he could rule
A woman
With a just a sound
Music
He said
Taking the red
From lips
And painting my hips
With it
He gives me
A grain of sand
And asks me if I know what I just found
When his head is in Jupiter
His heart is on the ground
Growing in a tomato
When his hands are in New York City
His lips
Are in Babylon with me
Kissing
Everything I dont know
If he really loves me
It really doesnt show
He steals my heart
And puts it broken
On the radio

For everyone to hear


He is never careful
With anything you hold dear
But I love him
And I dont know why I still do
Maybe its just that
Desire
For someone to say

I love you

Im A Woman

Dont need no guns


Dont need no bombs
Dont need no right to bear arms
Dont need no weapons
That harm
Im a woman
My smile is my weapon
I could end World War 3
With my charms
Dont need a big house
Where every room is empty

Dont need nice clothes


To be pretty
Dont need a lot of money
Because
Kisses are free
Im a woman
I dont need no laws
To be me
I just need to walk down the street
The beauty of my body
Could own a country
I know its not
Anything you understand
How power comes
At my bodies command
Because you know
Im nothing like a man
Im a woman
I could turn

Bullets to flowers seeds


With a touch of my hand
Dont need no fancy car
Dont need no fancy jewels
Dont need no fancy shoes
To walk through
Dont need no fancy talk
To say I love you
Im a woman
I dont need to cheat
I dont need to lie
Who do you think God made flowers for?
He made flowers
Because he fell in love
With my eyes
Dont need to argue
Dont need to fight
Dont need no religion
To tell me whats right

I know this kiss is right


Im a woman
Every darkness is defeated
With my light
Im a woman
A beautiful woman
A beautiful beautiful beautiful
Woman
I don't need anything
To sing
Don't need a diamond ring
Doesn't cost a lot to smile
I just need my man
Holding my hand
For a little while
I'm a woman
A beautiful beautiful beautiful
Woman Chasing The Sun
When the car drives backwards
And you dont know anymore where you are
In a country
Where heartache never leaves scars
When you are confused, but smiles are made
From the strings of a guitar

When you are Blue, only to


Secret a star
When you are a rose
But unaware of who you are
And for everything that lies
In hate
You see laughter
In his eyes
But he doesnt know
His touch has that kind of power
He doesnt know he
Could make a war a certain kind of flower
Make eternity
A certain kind of hour
Infinity
In a tiny kiss
Because it felt so good
We dont want to end this
The whole world forgotten forever in a tear
Because we dont want to

Remember
What abandoned us here
For every pain
Where music is playing in the background
To carry you
Through the moons change
For one mans tragedy
Justice is a hurricane
We celebrate lost innocence
By dancing in the rain
We make music
To heal
Another mans pain
We dance through hate
And smile when you break our hearts
Every insult we celebrate
Knowing that the world could not tear us apart
We are thrilled when we fall
We watch our lips rise to a smile

Because we always know


What you dont know
You can only keep us down for a little while
Every kiss from him is a key
That unlocks a dream
Every touch from him
Wakes the unseen
Under every
Sadness
Beauty is revealed
Under every ugly scar
A heart that feels is concealed
For everything thing that lies
In your face
What pushes outward in your eyes
Beauty is a surprise
I want to know where the birds fly
And why
I want to chase the sun

In the sky
Walk forever together until we get there
And defy
Knowing all the time
Our love will never die
I want to make up reasons why
I love you
I want you to know that in everything that lies
This is true
Whenever you are lonely
I have a song
For everything that breaks your heart
I have a dance
Whenever there was a hand to hold,
But you didnt
I have a chance
For every darkness a chance
For the moon to shine
For every ugliness

A chance to be blind
For everything that lies
You are a surprise
The love in hate
The pain we celebrate
The kisss fate
Just wait
Our bodies will be one
Well be the only two people on earth
That ever licked the sun
And lived
People are always people
They always think they know
Orange is always orange
But what about the yellow it doesnt show
A smile is a smile sometimes
But sometimes its a shield
Sometimes its a sword
Sometimes its the only thing
That we can afford
If only I had a bigger house

Id be able to fit all my secrets in


If only I had more money
I could buy a few sins
If only I had a prettier face
Everyone would love me
And Id live in a better place
Theres a man with a gun outside
That wants to steal my life
There a guy down the block
Who wants to steal my wife
People are always people
Theyre always telling you what to do
They think they know
But they dont know
How much I love you
Places are places
Light is light
Everyone knows what is right
The ocean is the sea
Why is it then
The more I fill my cup of whiskey
The more I feel empty
I would say I would die for you
But you told me you dont want that gift

You told me not to die


So I gave you a blank piece of paper
You said, Its paper
I said no, look inside
My favorite place to be with you love
Is everywhere we hide
He told you to write it all
But for him, you lied
People are always people
Theyll call you ugly theyll call you names
Theyll tell you
You belong to the wrong side
And they will never change
People are always people
They always know wrong and right
But they cant tell you the difference
Between
A man and a work of art
They cant tell you the distance
Between their skin and their heart
My heart was never in my body
It was always in your song
It was always in everything you hold
And everything that was wrong

I once told you youre ugly


But I really meant
Youre the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen in my life
Your body controls my body at night
Until I no longer have sight
Cant you see
A star is not a star
Hate is not hate
A song does not come from a guitar
Its in here
Its flying out there
Where they have no say
Im so sorry I had to tell you
I dont hate the guy down the block
Who stole my job
I really am in love with him
Im really gay
Ok calm down, Im just joking
I just wanted to see you laugh
I know youre the only one who laughs at my jokes
That why I write everyday
To get to all the parts we forgot to say
People are always people

They think they always know


But they dont know
What the moon
Forgot to show
They dont know
How it feels
To touch you
And that is the only thing I know
They dont know what its like
To only see you through your bedroom window
They dont feel this feeling
They dont know this pain
On their houses
It never rains
People are people
They always know whats right
They always know
When you see stars
It means its night
But really when you see stars
It means its perfect
Its beautiful and perfect
The way it was made
It means

There is more than us


Than this
But I see even more than that
In your tiny kiss

I see Angels The Poem Unloved


This is the poem unloved
That nobody read
That nobody held
And nobody kissed
The poem unloved
The air
That everybody missed
This is the poem unloved
That nobody asked out on a date
The poem unloved
That everybody hates
This is the poem unloved
Whose dirty hands you wouldnt dare hold
The poem unloved
That wants to die now and never get old

This is the poem unloved


That never talked before
The poem unloved
That is always unsure
This is the poem unloved
Whose words are always wrong
Who is a color
That just does not belong
This is the poem unloved
That had an ugly face
That was too fat or too skinny
Whos in another place
This is the poem unloved
Who you gave a dirty name
Who you pushed, and shoved, and bullied
And put to shame
This is the poem unloved
Whose nice smile never reveals his pain
When nobody else

Point to the poem unloved


Shes the one to blame
This is the poem unloved
Being unloved is her fame
This is the poem unloved
Who did a really bad thing
The poem unloved
Whose silence is in everything
This is the poem unloved
Who wanted to dance with her but didnt
Because they would put him shame
The poem unloved
Whose only comfort
Is in the loneliness of rain
This is the poem unloved
That hides in stories, and hides in smiles,
Who hides in small talk
And pretends to listen for a while
This is the poem unloved

That hides in her clothes


The poem unloved that hates his nose
This is the poem unloved that covers her breasts
That get rip roaring drunk
To fill emptiness
This is the poem unloved
That is always misunderstood
The poem unloved
Who is never doing what he should
This is the poem unloved
That nobody ever read
Nobody ever cared
What the poem unloved said
This is the poem unloved
That nobody kissed
That when she died
Nobody missed
This is the poem unloved
Who had an ugly face
Who was never good enough
Who hides in a safe place

This is the poem unloved


That once screamed
In an abandoned alley
Knowing nobody would hear
The sound of an earthquake
In a raging tear
This is the poem unloved lost in a song
You thought he didnt exist
But you were wrong
Dont You Remember Who You Are?
It must be that at night
God closes his eyes and forgets the sun
For a moment
And his vision changes the whole sky
And when youre in New York
You forget the distant dream in the lost sun in Costa Rica
Still in the reason the birds fly
How amazing
Even though they are so poor
That without a dream so high

They would not survive


The flower now
I could, but should I forget to give it
Knowing if I give it to you now
Any day it will die
How when we drive down the open highway
We look at everything pass
Always forgetting to say goodbye
When youre not here
But standing in front of me
Because you forgot the country
Questioning how the ocean never lies
I forget my heart
It takes bravery you know to forget and let the violin cry
Its an art to forget
That at every moment
Something in this world just died
It takes silence
To forget
Someone just cried

And I didnt wipe away their tears


Someone just turned 33
And forgot every year
When you are a diamond
But in threat and despair
Hide like a rock
In their eyes
I know
It takes a lot of courage for you to lie
When you look at your reflection in the river
And see only time
When you try to draw a portrait
And only see lines
When you take a photograph
Of eternity
And realize youre blind
When the moon is too tired and sad
And forgets to shine
When stars forget they are stars

In the day time


I forget how far
You get depressed
You forget
The guitar
And I want to scream at you
Dont you know who you are?
You are the reason everything
Sings
You are the colors
In Spring
When Im lost on the ground
You are my wings
You think you are invisible
And move unnoticed
Of everything
But you are a King
The best poem
Is always the poem we forget to write

The last war is always the war


We forget to fight
The answer is always the candle
We forget to light
Your face
Needs a smile
Your lips need a kiss
Your body needs a bed
Your eyes need a wish
Well lie here forever
Trying to remember
What we missed
Thinking how we came so far
Did so much
Lost some stars
How once we wanted
To be lovers
We wanted to change the whole world with our love
But now its too late

Because you have forgotten


Your fate
Your heart
Your scars
You have forgotten
Who you are

Cant Tame the Wild Heart

I know your type


Youre the type
To swallow the sun
And give the world night
I bet youre the one who broke
The wings on the flowers
And stole their flight
You probably made a million miles
Just steal sight
And you commanded shadows
That follow
To steal light
Whats left
To take right
If two bodies touched and
Two heartbeats
Were always a song
And two piano notes
Always in a fight
And a kiss always wrong
Youd color paper
Green

To hide the white


Youd take the pen from
The moon
So she couldnt write
Her song
Youd make a law
To make love
Wrong
And right
And yet
Youd make the sun
Always forget
Heartache
And rise again
On love and hate
Youd be that much to me
You must take the music
From the colors Magenta and Blue
Because their song
Is too powerful
For you
You confuse mirrors
So much
The only thing it knows is
Its own echo
You answer darkness with stars
So that
Time will always follow
And our own faces
We no longer know
Then love the man so passionately
Only to have to one day let him go

We dont die youd say


We simply forget who we are
At midnight you were the page
Who refused to speak
Now youre bleeding
Love
From a guitar
I see you give so much distance to stars
So that they are forever lonely and apart
Then you give the wrong song to a guitar
That it is forever meaning to be art
You can kill the song with silence
Knowing there are a thousand sounds in a song that never starts
And you can kill the girl with lonelinesss violence
And you can tear a smile and a tear apart
And you can kill the dance
With that one sound
The body never found
And you can kill music
With the drum of war
And you can kill
The body
With time
And you can kill love
With hate
Until the whole world falls apart
But you cant, you cant, you cant tame the wild heart
Im the laughter
In your eyes
That dreamt of flying
So contagious

Flew right into my nose


Doing what it was made to do
Didnt know how to do anything else
But fly
Im the violin that is always
Crying
And yet the smile
That doesnt know how to cry
Im the song
On the radio
That doesnt know how to die
Im the dance
In your body
That just doesnt know
How to lie
Im the kiss
In your eyes
That tries
With everything it is
Even when closed
Cant be blind
Im the laughter in your eyes
That tries
But cant hide
The dance
That defies
Hate
The lovers fate
Im the dream
Of the guitar
That can still touch
Where the forbidden lies
Im love

And the reason why


The song that tries
But just cant die
The smile that tries
But just cant lie
The laughter that tries
But just cant cry
And you can imprison
The sun
And give everyday rain
You could give a woman
The tragedy of a man
And love
Chains
You could give
Hope
Pain
You could give
Forgiveness
Blame
And
Hurt change
But this heart
This burning heart
You cannot tame
We dont die youd say
We simply forget who we are
At midnight you were the page
Who refused to speak
Now youre bleeding
Love

From a guitar
I see you give so much distance to stars
So that they are forever lonely and apart
Then you give the wrong song to a guitar
That it is forever meaning to be art
You can kill the song with silence
Knowing there are a thousand sounds in a song that never starts
And you can kill the girl with lonelinesss violence
And you can tear a smile and a tear apart
And you can kill the dance
With that one sound
The body never found
And you can kill music
With the drum of war
And you can kill
The body
With time
And you can kill love
With hate
Until the whole world falls apart
But you cant, you cant, you cant tame the wild heart

"What God Binds In Heaven, The World Cannot Tear Apart"

If I had a singing voice, I would sing this.

I made this up one day while thinking about a divorce, and then came
up with poem about two people who probably could have loved each
other deeply but the world and God committed too many crimes

against them for that to ever happen. They were too changed and
angry, and also heartbroken beyond repair. There are some things in
this life I learned that exist beyond repair. It is a little tragic,
resentful, but it came as sort of enlightenment to me one day that this
happens far too many times. This is me blaming a cruel world for
people's tragedies. It also comes as sort of truth to me that is so. So,
the poem was written.

For my angel
(Not a love poem)

I wanted to get to KooKoomay


I ran and ran but got nowhere
You were there alone
Searching for another world
Better than this one
To make your home
But the ocean got in the way
I wanted to tell you I loved you
But the words couldnt say what I meant to say
And just a smile from a distance was unrecoverable
Because your sadness always got in the way
I was in forever
And you were always in Sunday

Sleeping under a moonless sky


It seemed so long and tortuous of a journey
To always have to say goodbye
To the lonely tears
That still fell secretly from your eyes
You were in 8am and I was now the angry demon
Forbidden
Imprisoned
Always the wrong time
And then I wouldnt pray
Because I knew then it was hopeless
And Gods edict got in the way
There are things I would destroy to hold you
Things I would betray
If only his kiss
Did not get in the way
I didnt see the sun for 300 years
Even though it was daylight
Outside of my anger and fears
Nothing was ever as it appeared
Your face was Pink
But from the other side of the street it looked Blue
You were talking about magic hatefully
In KooKooMay

But when you spoke I didnt know it was you


There was a scar that changed your face
Nothing that was true was true
You said things the wrong way
I couldnt understand what you were meaning to say
And so I smiled politely and walked away
Insulted
Because the language got in the way
There was a time
You forgot your own hands
And you built a gun instead of a guitar
But I was still so lost
In somebody elses stars
I screamed at you to stop
But you didnt hear me
Dont you remember who you are?
They told me not to blame you
It was the city
It was the drugs they say
You know how the city is
It changes people
The hate gets in the way
And then what about the whore
You just cant recognize

Her anymore
You know what they always say
Heartless men are always getting in her way
Once I was a dancer
And you were a song
We were destined to find each other
Because it meant something to us
To belong
But the music bruised and broke bones
Or the feelings were too much or all wrong
Or the journey was too tiring and too long
Then they gave you a guitar one day
That you refused to play
Because silence you said got in the way
We lived in a sort of mourning
We yearned for revenge
Instead of love
And it was tragic
We yearned for justice
Instead laughter
Forbidding magic
We were fooled
By our own hearts disaster
Because you cant have what you cant see

And you cant change the color of gray


Because your fucking angry heart always got in our way
But I know now it wasnt you
That day
It was the city that built you
The crime
The hunger
It was cries that tortured
And the time
We just wished it would all go away
I knew it was
Ten thousand men and more
Everything that came before
That got in our way
I knew it was unfair
I told myself not to care
There was a kiss you had of mine
Ive never known
I knew it could heal me
If given the chance
But I wasnt allowed to have it
My crimes piled up
And I was forbidden by heaven now to dance
Maybe that is why

I told myself
I cried
With self pity
Then died
Because God broke my heart beyond repair
Then I
Woke one last time to dance
Once more
Knowing the music would never play
Knowing forever
Into eternity
How this world
This cruel cruel cruel world

Always got in the way


Heaven
You forgot just the smell of flowers
There
And how they set you wild
And laughing
Down an open road
To find me
Your body wild and young with lust

Here, were not young anymore


You forgot your own laughter
The feel of
Music shaping your body
Into a hurricane
Of sweet magic
Just blue
How beautiful it was
There
A strawberry fresh on our lips
And that you made that
And when I realized what you did
I giggled with excitement
At how amazing it is
How free you were
Like running everywhere
Or flying
Or falling
That pull in your stomach

Entering
A painting and turning blue
If we wanted
An ocean
We took the whole thing
If we wanted apples we built trees
To eat and rest under
When you felt lonely
You built a kiss with your hands
And touched me
From 1,000 miles away
Before we left heaven, we kissed
For the last time
We held each other
And said this was what we had to do
We told each other that we would meet
Again on earth
And its been years
But you havent called

And I have forgotten you


Instead of seeing rainbows
I feel sick all time
I stopped dancing
But some times
I can almost feel your face pressed against mine
Crying
Telling me youre so sad
You lost your mind
When I dance
Slowly
Then I hear thunder
A man struck by lightning
Even though I forgot your lips
Your eyes
Your hair
Your touch
It feels strange to be with him
Like something is missing

But I dont know what


I was born in Babylon
And you were born
Somewhere in New York City
I guess
Because sometimes
When I go there
I remember parts of you
Paper
An ocean
I dont know what you look like anymore
And I dont know what makes you happy
But I know
I dont know myself anymore
Im gone
Lost forever
You promised you would find me
That you would come
You promised

But you have forgotten who are


You work in construction
Now
You drink beer all night
And have sex with all these women
You look at the ocean
And cant even see the birds there
Singing to you
You forgot you were a king
That you built
My body
For your loneliness
And I wanted you to
I wanted you to show me more of me
One day a man shot you
And you lived
Not knowing why you didnt die
It was over some drugs
The gun couldnt kill you

But lost love did


I did
Now were lost
Even when we look at each other
Dont you remember?
Theres no churches in heaven
Just parties, colors, and music
Our bodies
Sneaking away from everybody
To make love
Because we were hungry
We were hungry for it
Dont you remember me?
My love
You are the lost words
And I am your home

You are the reason roses have thorns

The Irish Slave Girl

She was a slave in Ireland


Captured
In a time when warriors roamed
The open gates
And kings
Ruled faraway lands
She sang
While she mopped the floor
Or danced
While cooking stew
It was just something I remember
Of her
As she stood there weeping
About her lost husband
Sold to another house
In the whole house
Nobody could see her
But me
Her black hair blended with the walls
And her songs

Got lost
In the screams
So it was easy at night
To paint in her room
While the King was sleeping
And she painted
She painted these picture of
These pictures
Many of them
But when they found them
After she died
Nobody knew what they were
They looked like
Colors
And machines
And magic
After the war he found them
And kept them in his house
He looked at them deeply

Wondering what was in them


That he couldnt see
Every night he stared
There was something about them so intriguing
And yet unknown
He showed them to his friends in secret
But they couldnt see what was in the paintings either
Just some weird eccentric shapes
And magnetic colors
Pretty
But pointless they said
The paintings
Past through three generations
The old lady that died
Had them when he walked in the room
How could it be?
They were pictures that looked remarkably
Like a young woman
He knew

From school
He had always thought her beautiful
He asked if he could have them
And the owner agreed
Not knowing what to do with them
He pondered for weeks
About asking the young woman
If she was Irish
Until one day he got the nerve
And did
She looked at them
But didnt see herself in them
Yes he said
That is you, and this is me right there
In a meadow
Theres a child
A rainbow because you love rainbows
How do you know that she asked?
I can see it in the picture

And what else do you see


A house
A nice house and garden for you
Really, she said
Yes
She looked
She could see it to
And he said
A kiss
Yes the girl said, I see a kiss too
The connection was remarkable
Like they had known each other forever
The slave girl smiled from heaven
Knowing
What she carried
She carried for her

Learning To Speak (A Mostly True Story of World War 2)


I cant remember the grass
Or just a painting, just once

A womans body
Lying on a chair
Like a heaven that doesnt exist for me anymore
Because there was no heaven anymore
The grass was dead and gray
A product of the bombs
And the paintings were burnt
Once I looked around at death
And wondered who wins
Us or them
And what did we really die for?
For a God
For a cause
For a leader
Even among it I knew what happened
But I didnt understand
Once, I understood the river
Because it travels
And I can admire that
That things cant be predicted
And that like the philosopher said
You can never stick your foot
In the same river
We were fighting

It was brutal and death was close


Ten men around me were wounded
But I was miraculously unharmed
I dug a hole and
I hid myself
Under the dirt
And nobody found me
But her
You cant describe the silence
Or the unfairness
Of death
It was everywhere
There was nothing beautiful anymore
I couldnt even look at the Germans bodies
Any dead body would make me sick
But I had to be strong
I felt that day
God die beside me
He never said he was God
But I knew it was him
We all knew it was him
I past out under the dirt
But I dont why
And she lifted me

I dont know how she found me


Tell them, she said,its OK
Its not OK, I said
Why would a man be willing to lose everything
The ocean
Long drives
Her
Trade it
For darkness
And for who?
She lifted me over her shoulder
And carried me
I never knew a woman could have that much strength
But she did
I fell asleep and woke to music
Between gun shots
Then I looked up
And in the middle of the war
She was dancing
Dancing seductively
Through the crowd
I couldnt help but stare
She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen
Really she was

It cant be described
Like a lost Angel
Soon gun shots died down
One by one
And the music played louder
But where was it coming from?
I looked around
Everything was dead and gray
Nothing was left
And all of us stopped and stared at her
The English and the Germans
She could be seen for miles
And miles
But how
Something happened
Men were dropping their guns
And walking closer
To see what happening
Nobody fired
Some were scared and still held their pistols
But we curious
Seduced
The music
It controlled me

It was soft and heavenly


I could not tell it no
And neither could anyone else
Each man inched closer
And closer
Soon we were all together
Enemies enchanted
As she danced in the sky
I looked at a German
That was so close to me
I didnt know he was coming
And laughed
He laughed too
Then everyone started laughing
Seriously
We were all laughing
Someone brought beers
And we drank
Fearful woman trusted
And made us
Dinners
We ate and laughed
And talked
For hours

A German put his hand on my shoulder


And told me
Not to give up the fight
I told him not to give up either
And we laughed
And we laughed more
And we drank
And we drank more
And we ate
And we ate more
And we talked
And we talked more
As she danced
She danced for hours
None stop
She wasnt tired
For a week we slept beside the enemy
We gave each other tokens
And heirlooms
We told stories of horrors
And understood
And for a week she danced
Until the sergeant
Found out what happening

Everywhere around us
Two enemies were fighting
But we were laughing
Together
We realized
It was Christmas
Well the sergeant told us our party was over
The strange woman cried and said goodbye
We walked to two lines
The Germans on one side
And the English on the other
Turned around
And fired our guns

A Womans World
Heaven is not in the stars
Or some better world of justice
You yearn for when you die
Heaven is in her hands
When she touches his gun
It shatters and turns to sand
When she moves
Soldiers stop to laugh and romance
Its not anything anyone can understand
How the war stops
Just to see her dance

Shes not anything


Like a man
A flower will bloom
Just because she smiled
A look in her eyes and a perfume
That sets the animals wild
No tornadoes
There that hurt her children
No captains that take her sons
You dont need money either
Because she cooks a feast everyday for everyone
There are no politics in a womans world
Just soft kisses
Under the moonlight
Some wine, and an endless night
Of romance
How she holds the wounded solider
And heals his aching skin
When he comes home
How he didnt want to be there
He wanted to be with her
Alone
How he knew that touch
Could heal a country
It could rebuild a broken home
She cursed it saying that the Patriarch
Has ruined us all
But not now, now just a kiss
That will change all this
A womans world
Is a world of only love
Gardens, and children, and family
And hugs

Its more of a heaven


Than he has ever known
Built by a woman
When she was building her happy home
The Painter
These things happen.
We just dont believe they happen to us.
We believe we are 50 cent
When we are a million
We think were more like the lone leaf on the tree
That falls
Than the bird that flies freely in the air
It came to him one day
Her strange face
He had never seen before
It called him in a dream
She was on a beach and looking out on to the water
As if there was nothing more she wanted than that
And he was lost
She looked at him and asked him where
He was going

But he didnt know where he was


Until he saw her face
He knew then but didnt tell
He never painted before in his life
He was a science teacher
But he woke, he woke and painted her face
This girl who he never met before
Why was he still single? He thought
Even he didnt know
He went on dates
But there was no sparks
No imagination
No colors
The girls they were pretty, and smart
But they didnt smile correctly
Or their hair was not right
Or they werent smart enough
But this face without more than a soft glimmer of voice intrigued him
As if she had something of his
He didnt know was gone

And it was true


It was paintings
He never knew he was a painter
But at 27 years old he was
And he painted the most intriguing images of her face
In all kinds of surreal backgrounds
And colors
The guy at the local coffee shop loved them
And asked him if he could display
Them in his store
And he agreed
Almost embarrassed
That others would not see the beauty
He saw in them
But who cares he thought
He was a scientist
And knew that most people overlooked
The miracles
And absolute magnificence

Of our everyday existence


I mean think of the engineering
Of a flower
Or a bird
Think of how
A rainbow appears out of nowhere
And stars and lightning
Emerge
Or how molecules
Attached to create this being
This being
That sees love as more important
Than food
So amazing
It was almost as magical
As her
As he painted he began to talk to her
He told her things
He would never tell anyone

And she just sat


And listened to him for hours
Talk and talk
And talk
She heard him
He knew she did somehow
Even though he didnt know she really existed
Images emerged that were never there
One of an ocean
And another of coffee
Also, a dimple on her right cheek
And uneven nostrils
He painted them surreal
But still he felt he almost captured her face
But one painting was never enough
There was more to her
He didnt know
And he painted more hungrily
To know it

As intriguing as a book you never read


But wished you knew what was inside
All those pages
Then one day he went to the coffee shop
And the owner said he would like
To talk to him
A woman came in who had an uncanny resemblance
To his paintings
She was stunned when she saw them
She was an English teacher
And writer at the local college
She also taught English to Spanish speakers in Costa Rica last year
Why was he telling him this?
Maybe they met
She was convinced the painting was of her
And the owner did not disagree
How long has been painting her
Ten years he said
Ten years

Yes
Ten years
Yes
Well she left a note
Have we met? It said
He wrote back and gave it to the owner
Yes in a dream
It read
She came in the next day and read it
Her heart stopped
What could this mean?
What really could it mean?
She asked the owner
He said maybe you two should meet
And they did
The owner set it up
They met at the coffee shop
Then took a stroll
To the local beach

Talking about everything


Like old friends
Their lives, the past, the future
Im convinced he said stopping her as she was laughing
You are my wife
You were my wife before we came here
Where she said
To earth he said
Yes she said
Me too
Lock and Key
It could be a thousand
Maybe a million years
I locked the doors
It could be me, or a thousand women
That wanted more
Than he could give
That wanted another reason to live for
But never got it
It could be just another endless war
If you only knew
The place we came from before
Where women are made beautiful
And adored
Not this

This wicked kiss


This slap
This fist
This slavery
This emptiness
For every fight, there were tears
For every hurt, sores
Sores all over my body
For every part
He hurt me
Until I locked the doors
I couldnt hide them
And he couldnt see
What he left behind
A thousand or million kisses of death
In a glass of wine
The sores were all that I kept
Until I locked the doors
And wept
The loss of love
Forever
In his hands
It something the body hungers
But doesnt understand
The fever we felt together
The craziness to be apart
Or to still breathe without a heart
How he would break things
And scream
And I would cry in my dreams
Afraid of what Id seen
In him
His hostility towards me

Its madness
Its so sad
Its so sad to see it
To see him acting so crazy
I told him to leave
And he clutches on to my body screaming
He wont go
But hes abusing me daily
He has lost his mind
I dont know what did it
I dont know
But hes gone
Its real
You cant talk to him
He just feels anger all the time
And is nasty to people
And is abusing me
Everyday
He cant control his temper anymore
And he took it out on everybody
When she locked the doors
Then I met
Him again
Like a little road to heaven
Love
Beginning
In him
And I massaged his hair
My body was the locked gates
The strange weather
The fever and the hate
The wars the strange anger in people
And the fate

His body was the key


And when we made love
He opened me
He freed heaven
To shine on everybody
Especially him
Finally
In Another Life That Was Not Mine
He reads minds
Nobody knows this but me
Its a secret
We share
When hes at work
I know he can see me
Laying in bed
Telling him
I am imagining
Oil and bubble baths
I rub my legs
And give him eyes
That tell more
Than we can say
He can feel my skin from
A thousand miles away
Under his fingertips
His co-worker is talking to him
But he stares in to space
Watching me undress
For the shower
Then he turns and answers him
Yes the blue ones go with the Baker account
And make it real bubbly

Hes talking to two people


Him and me
A thousand miles away
When he says the word he stops
I know he thinking about me
I can feel him remembering my face
My touch
Its been centuries
Since we saw each other
Then I say a word to someone
Blessings
And a vision comes to me
Of a past life
A priest in front of me
I bow my head and smile
Shyly
It is an act of subservience
Its the way women were then
Then shame before him
For sex
I bow
He is a King
But he tells me to stand
And then sit
On the grass
He rubs my feet and I laugh
He asks softly why Im laughing
I tell him I dont know
But he knows
Im nervous
Scared
Its the way we were then
He is scared too

He doesnt have to say it


I know
From his nervous eyes
And we hold each other
In the only safe place
There are dangerous wars around us
And strange weather
But we feel like old friends
Even before we speak
His eyes are familiar moons
His hands are what to do with bread
His skin is paper
I already know them
What they do
I recognize this place
I know his face
We have never seen each other
Before
But I recognize him
His face is the most beautiful thing
Ive ever seen in my life
I forget his body
And his hair
And just get lost in his face
As if I'm looking in to stars
We made love before
Somewhere else
When he was not himself
But in another mans body
I forgot his face and name
He didnt leave that
But I remember his dark eyes
That smiled at me

Staring
As I paced
Back and forth in the hotel room
From nervousness
He told me he was married
And I asked him
Why he kissed me
But he said nothing
And smiled knowingly
Now we tell jokes to each other from far away and just laugh
He is always sending me messages
And private jokes
Everywhere
When I see
A news article about beauty
I know he is talking to me
And what I lost
When I listen to a song about candy
I know hes dreaming
Of making love to me again
When I read an erotic book
Hes telling me his fantasies
I want to feed him strawberries
And massage every part
Of him
Until I could get close enough
If he made love to me
The flower
Would open
Spring would appear
I look in the mirror
And cant recognize myself anymore
Ive been torn

And shattered
Im ugly now
Life has done it to me
I dont want anyone to see me
Im so ashamed
From a million miles away
He takes off his clothes
And we make love
Angrily
But he is invisible
We laugh at everything
We have a thousand secret jokes
If he loved me
Id be OK
But hes lost
Even lost to himself
Nobody knows who he is
Not even him
I feel like Im old like a rock
I believe we knew each other in heaven
Before we came here
I want to give him a chocolate chip cookie
I bake cookies
For all the people I love
Ive been doing it since I was 12 years old
And I want to give some
To him
I want to give everyone gifts
I dont know why
Happiness maybe
I remember his eyes
They are not eyes but another world
To enter

I could melt
In my bed right now
Just a touch
Would heal me
He tells me in heaven
He has orange trees in is backyard
So that I can run through the orchard
And pick them
He knows I think its so luxurious
To pick fruits
From the wild and eat them
Crazily
Letting the juices
Slide all over your lips
He has seen me
Dancing in a field of wild daisies
I saw him bathing
Near a rough river
But I never told him
I was there
I kissed his neck and arms
While he was not looking
But he knew it already
He grabbed me
And made love to me
And we lay like that
As wings
Held up by love
Forever

Billy And Dottie

When he first saw her

It was as if he found himself


As if he walked the earth
With something missing
His whole life
There was rain
But no flowers
Or he never knew
He had a nose
Or more than having a nose
What just a nose could do
To him
God she had this flowery smell on her skin
That reminded him of pure peace
It cant be described
It could have been a cloud
It was so beautiful
And it got in her hair at times
Just to tease him
Just the smell
The smell could have been a song

That rocked him to sleep


Right there
He was able to get close enough
To smell her
He dropped a piece of paper on purpose
Knowing without knowing her
That she would help to pick it up
He already knew who she was
He didnt have to ask for
Wine
She offered it
In her eyes
She did
She picked the paper up
And he bent down with her
And smelled her skin
It was in New York City
Near the subway
Nobody around them

New what was happening


Nobody knew
That the stars just smiled
And a new world was being born
He knew then
Why he was alive
Why his sadness the years before
And asked her to marry him right there
Knowing that nothing on earth would ever be the same
Without her
There
Once you shoot a man
You cant return
She agreed silently
They were both Irish Catholic
They had 17 children together
And ate dinner
Together every night
They slept together every night

Every Sunday they went to church


And prayed together
When he turned 80
He developed dementia
He forgot how to eat
But never forgot her
He looked at her with this sparkle in his eyes
This boyhood glance
That could soften the thorns
On roses
I knew it was love
He died a few years later
And she got angry at him for dying
She said she yelled at him every night
For giving up on her
He could have fought
Harder
She said
Then that night

She couldnt sleep


She lay in bed awake thinking
About him
Until she felt a plop on his side of the bed
Billy
Then she closed her eyes and slept
Every night
She stayed awake
Until she felt him plop
Then she closed her eyes
And slept

Waiting for it to happen again the next day Learning To


Dance
I have jittered
And swung my arms
Disproportionately
To cover my breasts
When they caught me naked
Kissing that boy

I have swung my hips


And played music in strange places
Illegally
I have jumped and twirled
With joy
When I found the perfect man to love
Even in the grocery store
I skipped
Because I knew what that music was made of
I jiggled my ass
In my room
When nobody was looking
For no reason
Because I knew
Music is the only thing
That has no season
But when I met you
I knew I never danced before
Because you never really know how to dance

Until you learn how to dance


In his war

For every blank page


I had words
I even wrote a poem on the moon
I spoke for flowers
And darkness
Because when they came
The stars spoke too soon
For every lost image I had paint
Because silence
Was too lonely of a room
I spoke like
The wind chimes
The ocean in a hurricane
The birds
And the angry rain
For everything

There was a song


Some laughter
Some pain
For every sound
Some truth
Some lies
For every hour
A smile and a cry
But I never really knew how to sing before
Until I learned to sing
Where we are silenced
Until my song
Broke through
The violence
Of women
Until I sang through your war

I cried everyday
Knowing crying is a song too

Even though I know


Nobody heard my song
I died everyday
Knowing death is a sort of dance too
Even when it feels
So wrong
I died
Without a second chance
And I know now
In death
That youve never really danced before
Until you learn how to dance in his war
Your Song
I swear
Your song is so powerful
It holds up the moon in the sky
For me
It gives me a smile
In sadness
For free

It keeps the New York City buildings


From crashing down on me
It stops the bullet
In mid air
Before hatred deforms my body
It loves
When nobody seemed to care
About me
And nobody dared
Fight the
Violence ruining our eyes
Everyday
In the oyster
Its the surprise
Its what happy ending sunsets
Mean to say
Its the way flowers cry
Their own song
When they lose the sun

Even in all that unsaid silence


Your song is blending in to someone
Even when
I cant express it
You know what it really means
When I cry
You said what I could not say
You knew why
Your song is still in New York
When youre in Brazil
I swear
Its the reason
The birds fly
I swear your song is the reason
The sun rises everyday
Its keep me alive
Its the reason I didnt
Die of heartbreak today
I think

I was young once, nave, and idealistic


But now I know
What men are made of
And even though I know
What they are made of
And this world broke my heart beyond repair
In a world where evil rules
In the dreams of the girl I once was
In a world that wants you to be hateful
Your song is different
It is still love
I went to work
When I didnt want to
I was good
I didnt say the things I shouldnt say
I cleaned the house
And just got lost
In your song as it played
It took me away

To a paradise of milk and honey


It never once asked me
For any money
I swear your song knows me
In places
I didnt know existed in me
One kiss
Sets beauty free
When Im in New York
But youre in Brazil
Dancing right next to me
I swear your song
Sews wings on my feet
It has to be the one
Paintings dreams
On my sheets
Your song is playing
While I cry
Your song is playing

While they hate me


While they lie
Your song is playing
As I die
Rocking me to rest
With a soft lullaby
I can live through World War 3
On the ground
With your song
Holding me in the sky
I dont know what the stars
Are supposed to mean
What holds them up
Why when we look at what we dont know
About ourselves
We think we are dreaming
I dont know
If there is something better
Out there for me

But sometimes when I hear your song


I think if I could just touch it
Id be free
Finally
I swear
Your song is a
Diamond
That hasnt been found
We are glass
That could
Break with just a sound
I know in everything
I know
It could save the world
If they felt it pound
It could move them to love
It could spin the sun around
Unconventionally
Where dancing through life would be

The only way to be


I dont know if Ill live through this pain
You gave to me
But I know your song made living
Worth it
I swear your song is a smile
On face
Nobody can see
I can feel it
In everything I am meant to be
When Im in New York and youre in Brazil
Singing just to me
If there was a returning flower for death
Or a rainbow for tears
If there was a wine for my emptiness
Or a sword
For my fears
It would be your song
Still playing

When I was too tired to go on


After all these years
I swear Id see things
People said I couldnt see
It would be your song
Out there
Somewhere
Holding the moon up just for me
The Painter
When I was young
I used to believe that if I
Painted
Faces the wrong color
Nobody could stop me.
I always dreamed about falling in love
When it was wrong
Until I saw her and knew
Even with the scar left
On her face
There couldnt be anything

Wrong about love


Time, memory didnt seem fair
She told me
She didnt always have the scar
It appeared after
A strange man raped her
Now the town looks at her in horror
A big blue and purple
Stain on her face
For all the world
To see her shame
And for her
To never forget
But on her face
I saw a map
To a country nothing can touch
She told me
God cursed her twice
With the scar
But I saw a shield now

I said
A shield from
Him and those like him
Every time she looks in the mirror
Her stomach
Gets tight and sick
It makes her feel powerless
Again
Over her own body
We talked one night in a bar
And I fell in love with her
Because she was different
She was drunk
Very drunk
So drunk she wasnt herself
But in that moment
I saw her
12 years old giggling and dancing
Years before

Life happened
Everyone looks at me now,
She said.
I cant hide it.
Im ugly because he is inside me now.
Im afraid.
I feel fear all day long
Even the birds scare me now
But then I go to the beach
And I feel free
It is the only place where I feel free
I dont believe in God
The way people believe in him
But that moment
At the beach
I can feel him
I can touch what is never there
What do you do?
She asked

Im a painter,
I said.
And just a man.
What kind of painter? she asked
Surreal, I said.
I paint dream-like scenes.
I listened
Not knowing that the next day
After I kissed her lips
Id go blind
And I did
The world turned dark
And the sun never rose again
The only painting
I ever saw
Was in my memory
I couldnt keep it
And I walked an earth
I could not witness
Tripping and

Bumping into things


Without any evidence
That I was there
I didnt mean to kiss her
I curse God
Now
For making colors
I can no longer have
I didnt mean to touch her
But I couldnt help it
And I was angry
So angry
I could feel flowers I could not see
Die from my heartbreak
I was hungry
But couldnt eat
It was as if my own body
Betrayed me
And I got angry at it

Powerless
To its choices
Life just creeps up on you
To never see again
To never paint
If I knew God
Id kick his ass
I swear
Id start a war
In heaven
How could he make the sun
For everybody
But not for me
How could he betray me this way
Its not only that I didnt want to feel it
Its that the feeling
Was torturous
I couldnt handle it
I couldnt bare it

3 years
No light
Until I started walking
Walking to nowhere
I could see
Sounds were heavier
Just a song
Could make me cry
But
My eyes had no more tears
If I could see her again
What would I see now
All this
Look what she has done to me
Look at me now
I am a painter
Who cant paint
Do you know what that does to the soul
Theres an urge

To put it on paper
And release it
And then I started walking again
Hungrily
Through the streets as I screamed
Out in desperation
My God
Has betrayed me
Then I bumped in to a man
One day after three years
Of blindness
He told me
He knew me
He touched me
And I could see again
I screamed
For the first time
I cried out
The first thing I saw

Was a war around me


A man bloody and dying
It was as if
The burden of sight
Came back to me
But no then
A bird
Magical
Erased it
I want to be like the birds
Who sing while they work
Who sing while they pull
The sun back in to the sky
I know more now
Then I ever knew before
I know
How to see in the dark
And her face
The scar that was never there

The girl
Lost
I painted her one last time
Before I slept
He told me his name was Jesus
I hugged him and told him
I dont have a name
But I have a painting now
So good
That nobody can see it but me
And that is
All that matters

If
If when you walk on your journey
You face a mountain that you fear climbing
Because it looks too tall and wide
Just remember there is freedom on the other side
If you look at silent piano
And do not know what you found
Touch it to discover the mystery of your own beautiful body

In the sound
If ever anything goes wrong
And your dreams are in the stars
And youre on the ground
Just remember
Just one more step will turn the world around
If when you go there
You make a few mistakes
Dont worry
The sun always gives us another chance
But most of all
If life ever gets too hard
Dance
Guitar Man
I shouldnt tell you.
I dont know what would happen to me
If I did.
If I give it to you,
I dont know where it will go.
Now that a part of me is gone

In you.
And when in you
What did we become
Did you take me to India
Did we swim together
In a peaceful poetic sea
Did you catch me
Kissing the birds
And washing myself
In sand so soft
It could have been a newborn childs skin
Smell
To smell would be a miracle
To be so close
I could smell the rose
On your breath
Would break me.
Move me.
What were you saying to me

Then
That you forgot
When you left
What does it mean to forget me every day.
Looking at me
You wanted an escape.
You wanted a reason to live.
Tell me now
I know I cant ever know
Time
But I wait here naked for someone out there
To finally reach me
I like to hide
Hiding
Means for a moment
We are pure
And cannot be found.
There is evidence sometimes
That we exist.

What if I move and the ground breaks


Under me
Birds resting on a dock
And I know
Everything is going to die
What if I dont know
Who I am anymore
And I become the white
On a blank piece of paper.
Would I speak then.
Would I be able to.
What if the flowers dont bloom under me
And you dont sing
I get so lonely
Without your song
To hold me up
Ive seen everything
I mean everything
Ive seen every mountain and molecule

Ive been inside of the flower


Looking out
Ive lived inside a silent poem
But Ive never seen anything like you.
Its not even like beauty.
Its like being hungry for a month
And then eating a whole cake.
For once to speak
After all these years.
To show you you are beautiful.
For once to touch
Or just dance.
Its so lonely out in space without words
To guide you
To me.
Its like a curse
To not be allowed.
Not be allowed to touch
Or just say something

That moves the world.


I thought just once
It could change things
If I said something.
But it didnt
Im still the moon
And youre still just a man
With a guitar.
While We Were In Prison
Inspired by Paulo Coehlo

The world out there wasnt made for me. Once, when I looked out
I saw a moon so huge, orange, fiery and magnificent
Hugging the distant mountains like it was the last time
I forgot I was here, but it wasn't mine. It belong to someone else. And then
To make a love that deep that it lasts
Even when I am not there, to think about
How far I go without myself, or the cruelty
To desire and not be able to touch it
Or have it
The escape there, right on top of that mountain
Close enough to just kiss the sky
So tenderly that the ocean below still never stops
Fighting to reach it, to think that way
Here, of the real fight to be finally free, of wanting to touch beauty
When its all forbidden, even like your body at times
Cannot move in deep enough

Or long enough to really touch our pain jailer. I know Im not alone.
Many have been locked out of heaven, and I think of them now
Beaten and degraded
Lost
There are more of them than those that
Have been allowed to enter, but there are little invitations
In a piece of bread so warm and buttery
It is like heaven, an invitation in
A piece of pink sky I see from my window
And imagine my lover loved me too
When I know he doesnt
And how good it could be if it were all just love, or just the real body,
How magically it moves to be
Remembered here, nobody, not even the trees
Will forget the injustice
As they scream in the wind outside. Or
A long row of violets I cant see here but remember
Below a sky so long and bright
I forget myself there, forget everything, and become so huge
The birds begin to fall in love again and sing
Coming back to my window everyday
Just to sing to me while he starves me, and beats me,
And calls me ugly. But it has happened so many days
The beatings, I no longer feel them. I learned to
Go somewhere else, to a beach
In Paraguay, in some forgotten moment
Nobody knows but me, and I do that professionally
I dont let them see the heart, or the real face,
Or the love that keeps hope alive
Because I know his evil, I know if he saw
What was most dear to me
That is what he would steal this devil. Once music, it came to me
While I was crying like it was my only freedom

I felt so lost between the darkness of pain and


The truth of beauty that I felt like everything on earth
Was about to fall down and cry for me and I knew they were
They were crying for me
Thinking their sadness belonged to them
But I know it was mine. It was this. The jailor sits
With me all day, tormenting me and jostling me, then music comes back
It is the truth, even he couldnt deny it.
It came in through window, long uplifting violins and drums
From nowhere
That carried my body
Across the stage as he stared, and I was dancing
As he beat me, and every hit, I wouldnt stop. I was singing so loudly
Broken by so much pain
There was an earthquake ten miles away. Heaven
It seemed was scared of the mad pulsations of my body
That nobody dared touch me and yet
They were sorry for my pain, but I was angry and I would not stop. It is not a lie.
For a moment, I beat the jailor and I was so beautiful
He couldnt bare to kill me. He saw to much beauty
To take it away. I just danced. My hips like a hungry
Fire, my arms controlling it, not his fire, my devil husband
Not the fire that destroys
The fire that transforms, screaming look at me now you bastards,
Look at how beautiful I can be
And nobody could deny it
And before, nobody could see it, I sat in this prison ignored
And severely abused and it didnt matter
To me, it didnt matter to anybody,
It never mattered because I knew how to dance
I knew how to dance and I knew he didnt really know how to dance.
It cant be destroyed my friend, matter cant be destroyed
Although you try to take it from us, even the body

When it turns to ash, never leaves, it soaks in the flowers


You gave your wife last Thursday, it fertilized the grapes
For the wine, in the same way, when I think about it,
The cry never gets destroyed either, it becomes the thunder,
Or the volcano, or its still in the wind
When the body goes reaching for memory
Everywhere
Her trying to be heard finally
Dont tell me we have forgotten the crime, the crime of
Power, my love is more powerful than your hate. I have
So much love my love could save us all. I have so much love
My love makes the the sun rise
Every morning. Dont tell me
It doesnt matter to you, and yet I know
The cry has gotten the jailer too, and it moves us now
Across the world and in to another persons life
Where I just understand her for a moment,
Where I know the things she thinks
Nobody on earth knows about her, where we wish
We wish for better things, another place and the music
While Im here
Like a small invitation to enter for a moment
Unforgetting that thats what its like to be finally alive
And free. To just dance. The jailer
Overcome crosses the room. Kisses me violently
On the lips like I did something bad to him
All these years. I slap him, knowing how evil he is. I slap him for all of us.
And then we make love. I kiss him, he kisses me.
I fuck him, he fucks me. Where I am angry, he is angry.
Where there is no love, there is no love.
We know this will never change, but for now. While we are
Here together, we might as well have some fun
And explore each other bodies. Give each other such pleasure

It makes a life like this worth something. Its not forgiveness.


Its acceptance that this is what he did to us
Its a kind of release for a moment
Not to leave but
To change the jailer

When I die

Im going to miss the ocean


When I die
Every time it rains
I think this is the day he will kill me
Today is the day I will go
And the day is wasted
With the fear that this is the last time
The last conversation
The last coffee
For years while I was the Devils prisoner
10 years now his prisoner
Longer than 10 years
I dreamed of just swimming
Just swimming
Just jumping in to it
And being swallowed by it
And laughing in to it
And just getting lost in it
Just doing it
Just walking for hours
Out in the open air on the beach
Smelling the ocean and feeling the immensity
Of this world
As part of my soul
Opens as far and wide
As the water
And touches every part the water touches now

Feeling every soul that has crossed this path


Out of my body and in to air
Feeling the absolute peace and beauty of this world
The beach like my only freedom in the world
Now I think
I havent seen Chile or Italy or spoken Spanish
At fiestas
I didnt eat whole pizzas at once
Until I was so full I was sick
On pleasure
I havent fed you cake from my hand
Or drank white wine
At a caf in France
While I talked to the pessimistic poets
About the cruelty of the world and God
That told us there was love for us out there
But we couldnt have it
Even when that love
Was all we ever wanted
Ive never seen the Mona Lisas eyes
Follow me
To the next conversation
Or the next lover
Or the next day
Ive never seen cave paintings
Pull me into
The past where the body although gone now
Still has something to say
When it reaches for you
In flowers
I didnt see the real beauty in fruits
Or touch the real beauty
In a bird

Because the bird wouldnt let me hold her


I never learned to play the piano
Because they told me I was a bad singer
So that part of me was never born in to this world
What a shame
When music walked in, I didnt sing
I never road my bicycle
Across America
Knowing the philosophy of
Every seeker and the patience of every waiter
I didnt read the last poem
Because I was no longer there to write it
But say this, say this
Say I lived once
And I danced
Say I lived and never knew how the human heart works
When it guides your body
Without you
In to dancing
But I walked with the heart I never knew
While I was here
Now that I think of it
I didnt dance enough times to be happy,
Or cry enough times to see the cruelty of God
And the tragedy of man,
I didnt love enough people
To know love
Or make love enough times
To have a real orgasm
I forgot to tell the man I loved
I loved him
I forgot to laugh at the joke
I forgot to argue enough times

To be heard
It is unfair, cruel, mean, and not right what god has done to me
And all of us
He calls it justice
But he is a liar
God giving all evil a chance to win in life
When he gave evil death
And power
And what for
What for
Now I will die
And I never lived
Just once while feeling lonely
I will take a stranger in my arms
On the street
And kiss him wildly like I would die in moments
Without that kiss
And make love to him like
I am always saying goodbye
To the ocean
I will kiss every part of his skin
And hold his sadness
In my arms
I will tell him when I die
Bury me
Under the coffee plant
So that a part of me will become a part of the coffee
The future
Feeds on
So that some part of me
Will still be alive
Even when I am gone
When I die

Say that I was here


To know
To know it all
To understand the cruelty
And the injustice
To see the beauty and the ecstasy
No just say
Say that I loved
And drink a coffee for me
Knowing we are blessed by it

This Beautiful Apple


This apple is not an apple my love
Its my silence
Its an uncovered dream
I could try and tell you what it means
But I dont think anyone knows how
To do that
There are many more words in our silence
There are so many more worlds in a dream
Do you know how far this apple traveled
Just to kiss your lips
Do you understand what this apple has seen?
This apple traveled from New Orleans
Where an old tired man with blisters on his feet
Fought for it to survive the summer heat
And when it did he gave it to a woman
And told her to find you
You dont know the color of his eyes
But youll know when you see them he said
You dont know the sound of his voice

But youll know it when you hear it


Youll never forget
You dont know a silence like that yet
But youll soon know
And the woman walked to town and
Gave the apple to another man
Who gave the apple to a woman
Who gave it to a man
This apple has been
Through a thousand hands
It been through
Rough weather, Gods anger, wars, thievery, and deceit,
Poverty, wealth, cries, languages, and all the things we cheat
It had one hand in heaven and one hand hell
Holding a secret
That nobody on earth will ever tell
It been in everything
We miss
When were not looking
At what we miss
This apple has been through
A thousand histories
Just for your kiss
Do you ever think about it?
Do you believe in miracles?
Because it feels like a miracle that were here
Now
I never dreamed
We could be so near
It seemed impossible
For life to be this good
It's like Im finally free
Like Im finally doing what I never thought I could

Its like I waited a million years


Just for this
This apple is not just an apple
You dont know how much your missed
Do you know how far this apple
Traveled
Just for your kiss
Thats how much I love you
Thats how much I love you
Know What Youre Missing in Your Life
The men at war
Who believe they want more
Than their lives
Are his lost hope
The long mile
The alcohol, a medicine that doesnt cure
His sick soul
Sadness hidden under his smile
The garbage polluting the shore
The lost innocence of a child
To want more
The way he touches
Angrily, fearfully, cautiously, and unsure

To ignore lust
How they just
Made a young girl a whore
He argues
With the girl in the grocery store
Over a dime
He argues with the moon
About believing in time
Looking at a volcano
The way he lost his mind
And more
Listening to his anger in the thunder
As the acid rain pours
All the time
On the street
Hearing voices
Of darkness and light
Punching the air, yelling at himself
Its a strange war he fights
Fighting for her life

In his own defeat


He doesnt know that hes dancing
Arms out in the hopeless air
To Gods broken heartbeat
Cant enjoy sex
Cant eat sugar
Moralities and rules that perplex
The hungry body
Dont cry out
Deny
The way his guns shout out
His name
Knowing what its like to die
Of emotional pain
Bombs bursting in the sky
Reveal
The anger in his lost eyes
Fighting
On the street over a girl

The anger
The wine turned to tears
The darkness of the world
Happiness lost in time
Sadness becoming too many years
Road rage
For every bird a cage
Everyone enraged
An angry storm, his revenge
His hunger, an earthquake
Everything we hate
This tragic fate
A hurricane that came
To blame
Feels like I can die today in the rain
The thunder
Of his pain
Whore
The way we give

Her a name
A cry in the night
For freedom and for our rights
To live courageously pierced die in the fight
Bravery misconstrued
And religion on the bathroom floor
We dont know what
Were fighting for
Anymore
I can feel it
The world feels it
We can all feel it
In our strife
That God has no wife

Doesnt God know


What a wife is made to do?
When the world hates you
Your wife loves you

When they lie


She tells you what is true
When youre sick
She dances for you
When youre angry
She wears the dress you love and
She gets you in the mood
For love
When youre hungry
She cooks you your favorite food
She rubs your hair
When youre sad
And makes you smile
When youre mad
In the bedroom
She lets you get a little bad
She turns the world around for you
Until hurricanes cant destroy
And guns cant kill
Little boys

She turns your anger


In to happiness
For every curse
She blesses
When you say no
She says yes
And cleans up
All your mess
God I know what youre missing
In your life
Your wife
I wrote this poem when my grandfather John died. He used to always tell us not to
cry when he died. A week after his death I woke up in the middle of the night and
wrote this. It was written in 1999. I just found it again.
Johns Death
His words whisper,
A hushing lull in the lively breeze
soaring effortlessly
in the springs breeze
Do not cry when I die,
for heavens grace is where i reside
my sweet child, do not cry
my feet are mounted, numbed in the greening grass
my tears drowning in what remains that i must surpass
counciling the pain with my daughters hand
Im left in the rememberance
when it is He who stood where I stand
do not cry when it is that i shall die

for in our fathers palms is where i lie


my sweet child do not cry
a fathers words continued by this pain
i stand here with pride
in all that shall remain in his name
a father shed of gifts of life
bearing my being in all its strife
surviving a family in his own plight
It is he who I am when i join this position
he who i reach for to council in this condition
he who i find my soul has listened
do not cry my sweet child do not cry
a soft assuration, a timeless spirit,
in this time, this blowing breeze, i can hear it.
it is his deliverance that cultivates my essence
a strength birthed in his reverance
it is him who reaches for the childs pain from within
do not cry, my sweet child, do not cry
we hold hands as a family
his named shared in me
his soul serenely free
as i ma the teacher now of my own childs misery
do not cry when i die,
for heavens grace is where i reside,
my sweet child, do not cry
John Donohue
(June 2, 1928 - April 8, 1999)
I wrote this poem for my brother when he was going through a rough time in college.
It was written in 2002. I just found it the other day again. It is a sonnet.
A Sonnet For My Brother
If words could ease your hopeless bitter pain
And valor could stun your turbulent heart
If I could take whats wrong, give right again
If I knew why men hate, where evil starts
If I could take your tears, men dyour still grief
Or knew God existed, Id share with you
His secrets. Fill emptiness with belief
Id flower gardens for your soul, push through
Stormy weather, give warmth when you are cold
If I could write your name in a story
With happiness, and silent trees of gold
The end would read: My dear brother glory

Is to face hate and to love


Anyway: that is what glory is made of.
The Evolution Of A Kiss

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear
the music.

Friedrich Nietzsche

This is me; dancing alone in a field full of daffodils


With just the memory of his song
In my body, a song that is my song alone
Dancing like dancing in his lost voice
Is my only freedom right now, my body
Seducing the clouds to rain
Like a secret
To itself like we dont know who we are anymore
In rain
Until weve been kissed
By his overpowering music
Silent to everyone
But me
This is me: dancing in the rain that showed
The surprised grass what it really was
When suddenly
A million more flowers burst in to color
Everywhere
And taught the heart how to love
Everything
Even the hatred and pain
This is me: arms open in a wind so powerful and exhilarating
I could fly, I could fight,

I could laugh
In that voice and lose everything
While the ghost fights me violently
Somewhere in Kansas where Ive never been
Where skies are as long and forgotten as dreams
We never meant to have
Of his changing face
And pale violet clouds are so close
To understanding the sweetest silence
In the world
That everyone hears
But doesnt know about
That it all stops for just one moment
In the seduction of his familiar eyes
When we dont speak of each other directly
For fear that someone may
Take it away
Or ruin it with the truth
This is me: hiding in him, the greatest secret
In the world, not uttering his name even when I am talking about him
All the time
Talking through things
About him
Even when to just say it
And let it go
Would free me some how
This is me: telling the truth in all my lies, and
If I open myself to him now and just dance
If I become what I fear, what I really am
While I dance
If I revealed your silence
If I released it all
To the world

Like a firecracker in the sky


What would happen
To us
If what cannot be heard by anyone but me
Is finally seen
And the people who dont dance like that
One wild night
With an invisible God who wants to destroy me
The people
Looking at me
Like Im a lunatic
Girl gone crazy
Dancing in a field of flowers
To silence
Because they cant hear the song
But I do
If I tell them
My truth
What would happen to us
What would happen to their truth
This is me; the cool jazz on sultry nights
The hot fuck in New York City, the entire summer
Fading slowly like a song that fades but never dies
Even when it ends
And beyond where the sun is lost again
To us
And we forget
His lips touch mine
Like fire touches a firecracker
And we move into a kiss
That literally changes the whole world
Forever
His face tells me you know me but you dont

You dont know what I can do


With my eyes, my body,
My silence
He lips dont say a word as they hungrily move
Over the curve of my body
Like a madman
Who has been imprisoned for centuries
A madman who cant control his emotions
Any more and
His eyes, his eyes if they were heaven invite me
Into a favorite hiding spot he had as a child
Where he would go
To get away from the world, be by himself
And listen to music and just cry
And then before I ever knew anything about my own body
He finds my vagina for me
And shows me what it really is
Until I cannot recognize myself anywhere in his arms
Because I feel too beautiful
To be myself
And he is an unexpected
Laughter
Released at the wrong time
Joy and pain together
In the same heart
Whose body will depart tomorrow
But his touch
Will stay where he left it forever
As my whole body opens and blossoms
Like a flower
Before him and
His hands ask my body to speak and for the first time
It does

And we make love


With the pain of
Knowing that every moment we live
Is forever
Knowing that the moment cant be taken away
Because every moment we live is forever
And yet this touch is not forever
Because he is always becoming something else
As he changes his body
Into another mans body
And leaves me alone to wonder
What his penis meant
When it completed me
And murdered a part of me
At the same time
As his soul enters me and my soul
Enters him
As I walk away
With his unknown past in me
Everything he never told me
I can feel now without him
As I dance and cry
This is me: finding him again
Angry as he hands me an ice pop
Then pulls it away
Then hands me an ice pop
Then pulls it away
And it reminds him of his own lost body
Lost to him
Until I reminded him
Of himself again,
And you know he thinks
Not every woman can do that

Not every woman


Knows who I am
As
We wrestle and I dont mind losing
Because something in me
Wants to just fall to the ground
And laugh
As he kisses every part of me
Goodbye
Then hes gone
So much like the moon
Because the moon never has the same face
And its all magic to him
My body, the beauty only he can see
My body sweating, dancing alone, standing in the sunshine
In an old tank top
And shorts awkwardly
Its starting to control his body
When hes alone
As if were some kind of voodoo or music
Now taking control
Of his dreams
Haunting him when he walks the streets at night
Without me
My body controlling his body as I dance, hardening his penis
Magically
Promising him that I am his only release
Promising heaven
And giving him hell
Creating a hunger
Inside him
That cant be fed
As he runs through the New York City streets like a lunatic

Looking for me, tripping over dreams and


Lost love poems, stopping traffic,
Pushing people out of his way to find me,
Then finally finds me dancing
Lies me down without a word and enters me
Angrily
Blaming me for his pain
Calling me ugly and stupid and lazy
When he knew he was lying
Then leaves
He asks me to remember him but I forget
As I dance to this song that is mine without him
This poem
That makes me
Believe in something again
Believe in something more for the first time
In my life
The song inspiring me
To dance in the grocery store
To tickle an old man
On the street
To laugh by myself on the subway
To paint secrets all over the New York City streets
In messages
That no one will understand
But me
But just in case theyre looking for me
They should look for him
Because I was here
And he was here
The song inspiring me
To write love poetry that makes no sense to anybody
But me and him as he changes his body

In to another mans
I dance with him even when I am alone
To a song that is my own
This is me: Memorizing the moon in Alaska
With him
Knowing it will all be lost
And how it changed with his face
And body
Purple earth, and he later
Would be willing
To move mountains just
For a touch that lasted just minutes
Or if we danced in Mexico once
I swore he belonged to some kind of music
That controlled every move I made
Even without him
A voice that spoke through everything
And everyone
Around me
That love was what I wanted
But it wasnt what he intended
As he asks for a loveless lustful kiss
And we dive naked in Lake Placid
And laugh
Not asking for anything from each other
And he pulls me up through
Centuries where he kisses me
To find me
But he can longer find me
Because I hid a part
A part he can longer touch
As we make love in water
Because it holds us so close to each other

We are imprisoned by it
Imprisoned by each others souls and bodies
And only released
In a moment of pleasure
That never lasts long enough
This is me: the seeker, waiter,
The dancer who danced for the king
Because
Dancing was my only freedom
The dancer looking for him everywhere now
Like music looks
For a dancer
Like a rain looks for a rainbow
Like a writer searches the ends of the earth
For a poem
Like a bird looks for its wings
As he changed his body
And kissed me through many men
Taking something with him every time
As we explored
Each others bodies
And how the body changed
As if
The body was a world
We could not enter
Anymore
And the kiss meant
We existed somehow
When we no longer did
The hunger
The tease
The enticement
Of the dance when he follows me

In to a club
Takes me over his shoulder
And says your mine tonight
Like a cave man
And I slap him to get off me
But he doesnt listen
And he rubs against me
Until hes hard
Our bodies sweating and unknowingly
Angry at each other
As it moves against breasts
And thighs artfully
Expressing the hatred and confinement of
Desire
As we love the jailor
But hate him
As he pulls my hair
And I scratch his shoulders
Pulling down tightly on everything we touch
As we dance
Trying to control things
We cant control
In us anymore
Growing more and more tense
Until we fuck it away and
If to just release it for a moment
To release it all in one ecstatic
Moment
All the pain of losing
Creating the pleasure
The cruelty of love
The cruelty of their bodies
The cruelty of God

The cruelty of abuse


As the release
Becomes more than our bodies
And the farmers in Chile feel it
When they drink wine
Wine like medication
To their hungry souls
And the birds can feel it
When they fly
And soldiers can feel it when they fight
And the animals feel it
Everywhere
As they hunt
As the hunger for anothers flesh
Releases itself
And releases itself
And releases itself
Everywhere
This is me: dancing, dancing to a song that
Nobody can hear
A song that nobody can hear in the world
This is me: dancing in a field full
Of daffodils
Somewhere in Kansas
Where I have never been
This is me

Legs That Smile (Funny)

Like salt is destined for pepper


Forever
And words and paper
Are apart
But meant to be together
Like the heart
Of the color red
Is married to a rose
And the scent of chocolate chips cookies
Fated
To seduce your nose
Like the endless sea
Yearns
For your body
And the flower
Seduces the honey bee
Like the annoying fly
Who wont go away
Is destined for a fight
Like the moon has always been
Destined
For light
Like everybody

Is destined for a bugs tiny kiss


Your lips
Are destined for my clit
I knew it when I looked at you
Your lips were something
Magical
They could do crazy
Things to my body
I dont understand
They could
Give me hope again
With just the pulse of your hand
For years I thought I was doomed
I cried everyday in my room
Thinking I was cursed with bad sex forever
But when I saw your lips
I knew your lips and my clit
Where destined to be together
Do you believe it too?
How I imagine it is to touch you
You could make a sane woman
Crazy with your lips
You could
Create magic tricks with your hips
You could convince me that
A piece of uneven duct tape
Is modern art
And worth a billion dollars
Because God painted it silver
With your kiss
I dont care Ill believe you
Just give me your lips
I dont want your eyes

That sees too much


I dont want your hands
That know too much
I dont want your nose that sneezes
Or your back
That never pleases
I dont want your ass that shits
I just want your lips
Married to my clit
For 30 years

Thats it

I didnt know how


This poem was written from the perspective of an 18 years old girl because I used
to be an 18 years old girl and I can tell you from experience that 18 years old girls
are very unaware that men are after sex from them. I made her purposefully
naive because her naive nature is the truth of ALL 18 years old girls. I want to tell
young girls who read this, that it was naive nature that hurt me. It was not my
fault, I was not stupid, I was naive, and I couldn't ever think someone would want
to do a bad thing to me. I think if the truth about men is exposed less girls will get
hurt in this world. And so, a comedy about the miscommunication between the
sexes.
Blow Jobs
I know what youre thinking
I can read minds
I see it all very clearly
Just from the mischievous smile on your face
You think that I dont know

Blow jobs are not an office space


You think when I lick this ice pop
Im imagining your private thing
I bet you think the same thing
When I kiss the microphone
And sing
All day I see you, you try to hide it
Behind your glove, paranoid and
Afraid someone would steal
Your precious love
You think legs
Are really wings
If touched in the right place
And hands are keys
That unlock a million unknown senses
When you blow on the skin
Grab the face and
Kiss it like a King
But you can have it

I dont want it
I know that finger is your favorite thing
Its so important to you
But you can keep your diamond ring
Do you really believe
That I am that nave
To not know
Why you want to take me out on a date
After you heard
I sucked on Jamies toe
You want me to cook you dinners and rub my
Cat until it gets late
You want me to
Do your laundry
Like my mother
Marry me
And call it fate
But youre way too late
Im too young to fall in love

And clean your dirty floors


In my forgotten bikini
I know what youre saying in your lost stare
I could feel your stare
On my body
From ten thousand miles away
And your eyes are caressing my thighs
Everyday
The most important thing about a man is his eyes
Because of everything in the world that does
The eyes never lie
Youre telling me to get dressed already
The firemen are outside
But guess what Im rebelling against you
And I want to be free
You cant tell me
What not to wear
Or be
I want to have fun and dance

With a Pola Bear


Just one time
I want to know what its like
To have the freedom
Of losing your mind
I want to be free
I want to dance and sing
But you want to lock me down
And discuss the importance of your private thing
Well fuck off, you can keep your diamond ring
You think I dont know
What aphrodisiac means
You think youre so smart using big words
That I cant see your dreams
Even when you close your eyes
Even when hidden
In clothes
A mans body never lies
Youre telling me you dont like my shirt

Thats why youre staring at my breast


Im so ugly
It hurts you
To look at me
Youre telling me you dont like the way I flirt
When I dance
But I need to be free
That is why there is surprise movement
In your pants
When we dance
Ive heard of this before
On the news
A mans body never lies
But I think you have the Blues
If you dance too close
You could die
I feel bad
Because now you tell me
If I dont kiss it

Youll cry
I think they made naked pictures
Just so they could control your thing
That is why a singer sings
To control your body
And allure
I would fight it if I were you
I would not be a slave to my finger anymore
I would rebel
Your private thing promises you heaven
And always gives you hell
Its some kind of addiction now
You cant get enough
That is why you whisper in my ear
You like it rough
But this is getting crazy
Youre starting to think youre the King
You want me to crown you
By kissing it
But that's weird OK

And thats gross


I know it' your favorite thing
But
You can keep your diamond ring

Crazy Love
You were at a wedding on some deserted island
Near a forgotten beach, you were laughing,
I was in the city, I felt so happy I started dancing in the street
But we never meet
He got shot and died in your arms in New York City, he just died
I was alone in my car on a beach, and I cried
Not knowing why,
Its so sad, your friend just died on the street
But, we never meet
You were going to the studio
You took the subway to from Queens to 42nd Street
You were writing song lyrics and dropped a page under your feet
You walked out the doors, I walked in the doors
And sat in your old seat
I picked up the paper and read it
When you feel incomplete,
But, we never meet
I was in my room
Then the phone rang, it was you
But I didnt know
If it was you, it didnt show
You asked me if JuJu was there
But I said no
You have the wrong number so
I watched the rain from my window
I thought I saw a strange man disappear
But I didnt know where things go
When they go, there are a thousand people on the street
But we never meet
You have a scar on your left cheek
One day I woke up with a beauty mark on the same cheek
But we never meet
I looked at my painting of a man
I said he needs a crown

I was taking it to my studio to paint the crown


A guy stole it on the subway in Jamaica, not knowing what he found
When I got off the train, I passed you on the street
But, we never meet
Then you walked to your friends house in Queens
He showed you what he got
A painting
You asked him if there was something you forgot
Then you scratched your head
You want it he said, you said sure, why not
And you put my painting in your room above your bed
Wondering what she said
So I paint, I decided to sell t-shirts
So I painted You must be a light bulb, because you turn me on
On a t-shirt
A guy bought it in Staten Island because he wanted to flirt
That night you went to a club, a guy came up to you
Wearing the silliest shirt
You laughed at him until your sides hurt
Then you had a vision of a crazy girl in short skirt
Dancing in the rain on 42nd Street
With just a bra on and no shoes on her feet
A girl you never meet
The image made your heart hurt
Did you remember her
Or did you forget?
Have we ever met?
I was in my room listening to the radio, listening
For him
Saying this is my favorite song when
The song was playing in the club, it reminded you of someone
From the street
But we never meet

Kisses Are Free


God and I wrote this today: Friday, February 11th, 2011. This poem is from God, We took a
line from Shannon. Shannon said that words are magical, they can change you into
something else. We hope you like it. We love you very much, God and Kristie
The moon is faith
To see in the dark when you cant see, to believe
The best gift in the world,
Kisses are free
Mans best contribution to society
Is comedy
Saying no to a kiss, is a tragedy
Dreams are a dove
To never get tired of war
The sun must be made of love
The sun is creativity
Take your crayon and color me
Not forgiving costs too much
But kisses are free
Two lovers arguing
Everybody has a different story of what they have seen
The ocean is made of freedom.
Lose yourself, swim, feel what an ocean means
The blue jay is my dream
And there goes my dream
I have a heart
But I dont know what it does
I carry it with me
And I dont know what it does love
I swear I lost my heart to your eyes
Somewhere
And then you gave it back to me
With your stare
I lost my heart
A finger is only one part
The flowers are beauty you once couldnt see
Blame costs too much
But kisses are free
Monsters in the dark
Are trees
Picnics in the park
Are happy
Mistakes are hate.
Hurricanes think too much, and complicate.
Forget what you are, forget what you learned
And just burn

The best thing to be


Kisses are free
The air is empty
So we can color it in with fireworks
Your touch is a band aid
When my heart hurts
Mountains make the land look huge
Rain makes the land
Look small
The flower catches the rain when it falls
The sky touches you
As you walk
You become me
As we talk
The child is remember
Who we are
There are a trillion wishes
On a star
Does that star have time for my wish?
I want to give that star a gift
Cause he looks sad and lonely
A kiss
I wont bother him today
With my kiss
He looks to busy working hard shining anyway
Why is the wind always whining
Why are the clouds crying
Stars are smaller than flowers
Words are magical,
What you say has so much power
What you say
Turned me from beauty to ugly
Patience is waiting every winter
For the dance of May
Love has a face
Heaven has a taste
Music makes flowers grow pretty
Regret costs too much
But kisses are free
Theres enough space
For everybody to breathe
Rainbows say theres enough magic
For everyone to believe
Theres enough love
For everybody to love everybody
There enough kisses

For everyone to be free


Not loving me costs too much
But kisses are free
If you love someone let them go
If youre scared, let it show
Hey
He came back for me
I know, I know, I know
The sun loves me anyway
Cause he let it show today
I know he loves me
Hate costs too much
But kisses are free
For my angel
(Not a love poem)

I wanted to get to KooKoomay


I ran and ran but got nowhere
You were there alone
Searching for another world
Better than this one
To make your home
But the ocean got in the way
I wanted to tell you I loved you
But the words couldnt say what I meant to say
And just a smile from a distance was unrecoverable
Because your sadness always got in the way
I was in forever
And you were always in Sunday
Sleeping under a moonless sky

It seemed so long and tortuous of a journey


To always have to say goodbye
To the lonely tears
That still fell secretly from your eyes
You were in 8am and I was now the angry demon
Forbidden
Imprisoned
Always the wrong time
And then I wouldnt pray
Because I knew then it was hopeless
And Gods edict got in the way
There are things I would destroy to hold you
Things I would betray
If only his kiss
Did not get in the way
I didnt see the sun for 300 years
Even though it was daylight
Outside of my anger and fears
Nothing was ever as it appeared
Your face was Pink
But from the other side of the street it looked Blue
You were talking about magic hatefully
In KooKooMay
But when you spoke I didnt know it was you

There was a scar that changed your face


Nothing that was true was true
You said things the wrong way
I couldnt understand what you were meaning to say
And so I smiled politely and walked away
Insulted
Because the language got in the way
There was a time
You forgot your own hands
And you built a gun instead of a guitar
But I was still so lost
In somebody elses stars
I screamed at you to stop
But you didnt hear me
Dont you remember who you are?
They told me not to blame you
It was the city
It was the drugs they say
You know how the city is
It changes people
The hate gets in the way
And then what about the whore
You just cant recognize
Her anymore

You know what they always say


Heartless men are always getting in her way
Once I was a dancer
And you were a song
We were destined to find each other
Because it meant something to us
To belong
But the music bruised and broke bones
Or the feelings were too much or all wrong
Or the journey was too tiring and too long
Then they gave you a guitar one day
That you refused to play
Because silence you said got in the way
We lived in a sort of mourning
We yearned for revenge
Instead of love
And it was tragic
We yearned for justice
Instead laughter
Forbidding magic
We were fooled
By our own hearts disaster
Because you cant have what you cant see
And you cant change the color of gray

Because your fucking angry heart always got in our way


But I know now it wasnt you
That day
It was the city that built you
The crime
The hunger
It was cries that tortured
And the time
We just wished it would all go away
I knew it was
Ten thousand men and more
Everything that came before
That got in our way
I knew it was unfair
I told myself not to care
There was a kiss you had of mine
Ive never known
I knew it could heal me
If given the chance
But I wasnt allowed to have it
My crimes piled up
And I was forbidden by heaven now to dance
Maybe that is why
I told myself

I cried
With self pity
Then died
Because God broke my heart beyond repair
Then I
Woke one last time to dance
Once more
Knowing the music would never play
Knowing forever
Into eternity
How this world
This cruel cruel cruel world

Always got in the way Dont You Remember Who You Are?
It must be that at night
God closes his eyes and forgets the sun
For a moment
And his vision changes the whole sky
And when youre in New York
You forget the distant dream in the lost sun in Costa Rica
Still in the reason the birds fly
How amazing

Even though they are so poor


That without a dream so high
They would not survive
The flower now
I could, but should I forget to give it
Knowing if I give it to you now
Any day it will die
How when we drive down the open highway
We look at everything pass
Always forgetting to say goodbye
When youre not here
But standing in front of me
Because you forgot the country
Questioning how the ocean never lies
I forget my heart
It takes bravery you know to forget and let the violin cry
Its an art to forget
That at every moment
Something in this world just died
It takes silence

To forget
Someone just cried
And I didnt wipe away their tears
Someone just turned 33
And forgot every year
When you are a diamond
But in threat and despair
Hide like a rock
In their eyes
I know
It takes a lot of courage for you to lie
When you look at your reflection in the river
And see only time
When you try to draw a portrait
And only see lines
When you take a photograph
Of eternity
And realize youre blind
When the moon is too tired and sad

And forgets to shine


When stars forget they are stars
In the day time
I forget how far
You get depressed
You forget
The guitar
And I want to scream at you
Dont you know who you are?
You are the reason everything
Sings
You are the colors
In Spring
When Im lost on the ground
You are my wings
You think you are invisible
And move unnoticed
Of everything
But you are a King

The best poem


Is always the poem we forget to write
The last war is always the war
We forget to fight
The answer is always the candle
We forget to light
Your face
Needs a smile
Your lips need a kiss
Your body needs a bed
Your eyes need a wish
Well lie here forever
Trying to remember
What we missed
Thinking how we came so far
Did so much
Lost some stars
How once we wanted
To be lovers

We wanted to change the whole world with our love


But now its too late
Because you have forgotten
Your fate
Your heart
Your scars
You have forgotten
Who you are

Learning To Speak (A Mostly True Story of World War 2)


I cant remember the grass
Or just a painting, just once
A womans body
Lying on a chair
Like a heaven that doesnt exist for me anymore
Because there was no heaven anymore
The grass was dead and gray
A product of the bombs

And the paintings were burnt


Once I looked around at death
And wondered who wins
Us or them
And what did we really die for?
For a God
For a cause
For a leader
Even among it I knew what happened
But I didnt understand
Once, I understood the river
Because it travels
And I can admire that
That things cant be predicted
And that like the philosopher said
You can never stick your foot
In the same river
We were fighting
It was brutal and death was close
Ten men around me were wounded
But I was miraculously unharmed
I dug a hole and
I hid myself
Under the dirt

And nobody found me


But her
You cant describe the silence
Or the unfairness
Of death
It was everywhere
There was nothing beautiful anymore
I couldnt even look at the Germans bodies
Any dead body would make me sick
But I had to be strong
I felt that day
God die beside me
He never said he was God
But I knew it was him
We all knew it was him
I past out under the dirt
But I dont why
And she lifted me
I dont know how she found me
Tell them, she said,its OK
Its not OK, I said
Why would a man be willing to lose everything
The ocean
Long drives

Her
Trade it
For darkness
And for who?
She lifted me over her shoulder
And carried me
I never knew a woman could have that much strength
But she did
I fell asleep and woke to music
Between gun shots
Then I looked up
And in the middle of the war
She was dancing
Dancing seductively
Through the crowd
I couldnt help but stare
She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen
Really she was
It cant be described
Like a lost Angel
Soon gun shots died down
One by one
And the music played louder
But where was it coming from?

I looked around
Everything was dead and gray
Nothing was left
And all of us stopped and stared at her
The English and the Germans
She could be seen for miles
And miles
But how
Something happened
Men were dropping their guns
And walking closer
To see what happening
Nobody fired
Some were scared and still held their pistols
But we curious
Seduced
The music
It controlled me
It was soft and heavenly
I could not tell it no
And neither could anyone else
Each man inched closer
And closer
Soon we were all together

Enemies enchanted
As she danced in the sky
I looked at a German
That was so close to me
I didnt know he was coming
And laughed
He laughed too
Then everyone started laughing
Seriously
We were all laughing
Someone brought beers
And we drank
Fearful woman trusted
And made us
Dinners
We ate and laughed
And talked
For hours
A German put his hand on my shoulder
And told me
Not to give up the fight
I told him not to give up either
And we laughed
And we laughed more

And we drank
And we drank more
And we ate
And we ate more
And we talked
And we talked more
As she danced
She danced for hours
None stop
She wasnt tired
For a week we slept beside the enemy
We gave each other tokens
And heirlooms
We told stories of horrors
And understood
And for a week she danced
Until the sergeant
Found out what happening
Everywhere around us
Two enemies were fighting
But we were laughing
Together
We realized
It was Christmas

Well the sergeant told us our party was over


The strange woman cried and said goodbye
We walked to two lines
The Germans on one side
And the English on the other
Turned around
And fired our guns
TO

Dance Again

They give me flowers and chocolates


For no reason
They agree, to be pleasing
They put their jackets over a puddle,
So when I walk my feet dont get wet
But, things like that I forget
They told me I was beautiful when we first met
We never argue
But, I need I need a little argument
They say they got a song, but I cant hear their music
If you love me baby, I need you to prove it
This love is too simple and boring
Im crazy baby
I need something more alluring
Their love is too simple and boring
I need you to sing out loud that you love me
Cracking and off key on the radio
I need you to hug the old lady in the grocery store
So tightly
That she glows
I need you to catch my sneezes
So that your love shows
I need you to dance for me,
Sexy and slow
Come now, jump through circus hoops
Put on a show
I need you to lie me down,
And massage me with hot oil like dough
When we break up
Drive passed my house everyday

And stare into my bedroom window


If you see a grumpy old man
Fart to make him giggle
When you walk in front of me
Make your ass wiggle
I need you to snort when you laugh so loud and funny
That people laugh at your laugh
If you got a million questions about
My body, then ask
If I dont have the answers
Ill cheat
Tell me your skins so sweet it could
Be candy, come on baby
When you look at me, I need you to be hungry
My friend
Because to really love, is to dance again
Tell me you love me in KooKooMay
Only Im going to know what you say
Tickle me
You know I love it when you make me laugh that way
My skin is made of liquor, get drunk off your stare
And forget the right way to be
Put sparklers in the air
Around me
Bottle my hair
So that you can keep the smell of me
Scream out loud in a crowded elevator
That you love me
Wear only underwear to your office
And tell your boss you need be free
Take off work, to be lazy in bed with me
Get a little crazy, if I say I like daisies
Run a thousand miles
Through a field wild with daisies
And pick me a million baby
If you love me
Kiss me like your making love to a pear
When we first meet
When we make love
Suck on my feet
Dance a little naked in the street
And tell everybody
Youre dancing because you just kissed me
Write my name
On your body

In a place where everyone can see


Put a little lust in your touch
My friend
Because to really love, is to dance again
Hold me tight as your sweater holds you
Two hearts torn apart
Put it back together with glue
Run to me, really live
I love your kiss
I got a million to give
When we have sex, I need you to do acrobatics
When we kiss, I need you turn me
From brussel sprouts to chocolate like magic
Start a fight before we have sex
Kick and scream be dramatic
If I say I want to leave
Cry and get a little tragic
Seduce me with that cream
All over your lips
Indulge in a tasty kiss
I need someone to believe in again
Cause I no longer believe in men
They give me dinner dates
And say its fate
They walk the streets with me
Until it gets late
They tell me they paint
But I got complaints
They say theyre the president
Theyre big business men
They got rich friends
But they could say anything
And Im not impressed Boo
I need something more
I need something true
I need someone more like you
My friend
Because to really love, is to dance again

I Danced
Ive painted faces the wrong color
Bright blue or hot pink dream
To watch the world wonder, strangely
What theyve seen
When they ask me
Who is that alien
Who is that mysterious man
With the sexy blue hands
Where his heart should be
And I looked at him again
And again
My mysterious friend, and
Ive loved every part that was once hidden
And I told them
Im in love with the man
Im in love with the alien
But the crowd yelled that I cant
Your love is forbidden
I cant love him
I cant
And I danced
One guy shouted, You cant paint for your life
You cant
Give up now, your horrible
Dont you understand?
But I dont understand
Because when he told me I cant
I cant paint, I cant
I danced
I kissed him and candy became thighs,
Love became the truth in the sun rise
Pain became lies
Blue controlled two blind eyes,
Oceans lost the sky
And the sky cried
Trying to be one with the ocean again
The sky cried
Reaching for the flower
From heaven
The world stopped
For a moment
While nobody was listening
I kissed him
And I believed in

Something again
Love became my religion
And answers became hands
Beauty became the man
Truth was written in the sand
And they still dont understand
Because they told me I cant
I cant love a man
Who does not believe in our religion
I cant
And I danced
They say when you love someone your
Taking a chance
Love can put you in a trance
One kiss from a man
Can make you a madwoman
Youve gone crazy
Woman
But they just dont understand
Because when they told me I cant
I danced
Ive traveled 50 million miles
Through fires, and wars, and whores,
Ive traveled miles
Ive travel through passion, depression, hell,
Heaven, and desire, Ive traveled miles
Ive traveled through marriage
Ive traveled through divorce trials
Just to see that smile
Ive traveled in poverty
Ive traveled in health
Ive traveled in sickness
Ive traveled in wealth
Ive been depressed
Ive been stressed
And I traveled in a little black dress
Ive been where the ocean
Touched the sunrise
Ive been where the lands
Rolls past your eyes
I taught myself how to fly
I woke when I died
Ive traveled miles
Just to break the distance with a smile
But they told me I cant
I cant be with him I cant

And they just dont understand


You cant you cant
And I danced
You asked me
Why I dont do the laundry
I told you
Because your shirt smells too much like you
And you wore it for 365 days happily
Unwashed and true
When your friends finally told you smell
Like dirty underpants
They told you, you cant
You told me you cant wear the shirt anymore
You asked me
Do you understand?
I cant
And I laughed and I danced
I laughed and I danced
And when they told me I cant
I danced
They say when you love someone your
Taking a chance
Love can put you in a trance
One kiss from a man
Can make you a madwoman
You
Youve gone crazy
Woman
And they just dont understand
Because when they told me I cant
I danced
Its real
What you feel
When youre young
And someone hates you
Because youre the wrong skin color
Or youre the wrong religion
On the other side of a war
Or your dads a drunk
And your moms a whore
Or because youre poor
And you wear old clothes and
He asked me why
But I dont know, and
If it bothers you, dont let it show
But

If you love me,


Dont be scared, let me know
Show me
Show me
Show me
What love can do
When I touch you
And turn you
From rain to rainbow
But you said you cant
You dont know how to dance
You dont know how to love
I just dont understand
You cant love me
You cant
And I danced
I painted a nose on your shoulders
Pealed off your clothes then my clothes
And said work is over
Relax
No more work
You are so beautiful Im frightened
No more work
As your pulse heightened
You are so beautiful
It hurts
No more work
Up my skirt
Off with your shirt
But, I cant
Im working,
I dont have time, I cant
And I danced
You smell so good
You must be a rose
Or made of some kind of heaven
Or a spice, or cloves
I pealed off your clothes
I massaged your neck, chest, ears,
Rest
I tickled a funny bone
Kissed a freckle
You didnt suspect
Kiss
So youre thighs dont feel alone
But you cant

You dont have time, you cant


And I danced
I
Danced sexy
My breast bouncing in your face
Like bread, warm and buttery
My hands wrapped around your waist
My hips rolling
On your thighs, arms out
Until we fly
My butt hypnotizing
Two beautiful naked eyes
Drunk on touch
Mad with lust
Indulging in
My tongue on your tongue like a grape
The magical mad taste
Ive craved your cruel face
Ive craved your waist an ocean wave against
My waist
The taste
Sex cant wait
Even at work
I cant
And I danced and I danced
You said you loved someone else
But you dont know how I felt
You put me through hell and
They say all love is a chance
Love can put you in a trance
One touch from a man
Can make a sane woman mad
Without him
Even music seems sad
And
They told me I cant
I cant be with you I cant
And I danced
So I went up to you, punched you
And kissed you violently
You dont know what you did to me
As you stood silently
And you told me I cant
I cant kiss you like that
I cant
And I cried and I danced

And I cried
And I danced
You told me you loved my legs
When I was young
You made me your wife
So I wore a short skirt everyday of my life
But I was an old lady by then
And you were old man
And when they told me I cant
Its not cool for old women
I danced
Ive sang on table tops in bars with friends
I sang before large crowds
Singing cracking too loudly
To tell everybody
I loved him embarrassingly and
Off key
They said she went crazy
You go crazy
When you love a man
Youre a lunatic
You dont know what youre doing anymore
They call me Babylon
They call me whore
Cause when I got drunk
I kissed every man
Thinking they were you somehow
And they dont understand
They said I cant
And I danced
They say love is magical
Love can put us in a trance
One kiss from a man
Can make you a madwoman
And they just dont understand
Just a touch
Lust
Lust is magical, it can put you in trance
And when they told me I cant
I danced and I danced and I danced
Ive been to fiestas, to dirty dance with other men
When
They told me thats not lady like
Thats not right
I cant
I danced

Ive been to KooKooMay


And Lalockly and
In another language I danced
And danced
Sexy
Dirty
I danced and danced
And when they told I dont make any sense
I cant
I danced
I believe love is a bet
And he is a gambling man
And yet
I danced until I would forget
Danced until I would remember
I danced
And when they told me
I cant
I danced
Ive laughed until I peed my pants
Ive painted in France
My thighs have put him in a trance
With my magic wand
The grace of a womans hand
Ive made a bad man
A good man
With a kiss
Ive made a good man a bad man
With my tits
Ive made a bad man a good man
With my hips
And when they told me I cant
I danced and I danced and I danced
Ive been white as a wedding gown, then orange, then blue
That winter I told the sun
Ive been a flower too
And my goal in life sun is to touch you
And when they told me I cant
I danced
The sun came down from the sky to dance with me
Ive moved mountains into
The sea
Ive seen all the beauty love can be
Ive had sex and
Ive told everybody
They told me good girls dont kiss and tell

Bad girls go to hell


I cant
And when they told me I cant
I danced
And danced
Ive touched birds that rested on my hand
Ive wrestled an angry man
When I reached out of my body, but I couldnt say it right
I made up words
That only him and I could understand
I married a Black man
And when they told me I cant
I danced
Ive had sex with Kings and poor men
Ive been the sun
The moon was my long lost friend
I blew him a kiss
When
The world began again
Love
Ive had one leg in New York
And one leg in prison
Ive touched the sin
Ive touched heaven
Ive been condemned
Ive been forgiven
In rain, Ive fallen
In the flower, Ive risen
Ive given the sun to a blind man
Ive given strength to a woman
But they just dont understand
They dont understand
They say when you love someone your
Taking a chance
And he might break my heart
But I still believe in romance
So if they tell you cant
Dance
Dance
Dance

Were Hiding In Our Clothes


Could I have been stronger?
Or does the heart grow weak because this kiss
Is longer than life?
Was I wrong for giving you my life?
I never knew a woman loses everything she ever had
When a man makes you his wife.
I shine
When the world fills me with doubt and darkness
But I love anyway
I shine
If you dont believe ask the moon
What happens when darkness and light intertwine
When the world tells me Im a fool to dream
I dance
If you dont believe me ask the caterpillar why
What happened that spring when they told her shes a bug, she cant fly
When the world tries to break me down
I sing
If you dont believe me ask the bird
What Gods will is for a wing
When the world cant see my true beauty
I rise
If you dont believe me watch the flower
You couldnt see in winter touch the sunrise
Even when I am broken down by hate
I have a reason to celebrate
If you dont believe me ask the sun what he does
Giving his love
He lights up the world for everyone
Dear Sun,
What do you find in the flower
That you cannot find in the snow?
What did you do to the tree
To make the beautiful cherries grow?
How do you make two of me

To watch over us constantly


Like a guardian angel
In my shadow?
When night comes
Where do the you go?
What do you know about love
Everyday
That my man when he goes
Doesnt know?
Because i'm afraid he won't be back
What does China look like from millions of miles sky
I always wondered what it would be like
If I could fly to him
China
Probably looks like my baby's sad heart
When he can't stay to long
Sun, you know you're so much like him
You always love me
Even when I'm wrong
Tell me, what did you do
To me
To make my freckles show?
I want to know
Because now my baby loves more of me
He says I'm more beautiful
Than before
With more of me
He says they remind him of constellations
And kissed one and made
A wish but he won't tell
And I thought I knew
But I really don't know all of me
Very well
In these kind of
Desperate situations
We all need an apology
Sun
We all need a little kindness
To shine on
Everyone
Especially my baby and me
Dear sun,
Why do you still shine on war?
My baby gotta go tomorrow
And I'm scared to let him go
I thought if the darkness
Hid the enemy
The enemy wouldn't be there
Tomorrow

Could you stay a little longer tonight


I want to kiss my baby
And hold him tight
Just one more time before he has to go
When he leaves
Can you find him for me
I know you will
Show him this love letter
And this windowsill
Where I wait
The love letter is true
Signed in blue
Tell him in the rain
And the shadows
I'm still there like you
Just hiding I guess because some else in the world
Needs you more
Than I do
Right now
Are you sure?
Just just just
I'm losing time
Tell him I love him
Tell him he's beautiful
The most beautiful thing I have ever seen
Tell him that is the only thing that is true
He is my every dream
Show him I love him
And shine on him for me
Give him a light kiss
When he rests under a tree
Tell him
That kiss was from me
Your Song
I swear
Your song is so powerful
It holds up the moon in the sky
For me
It gives me a smile
In sadness
For free
It keeps the New York City buildings
From crashing down on me

It stops the bullet


In mid air
Before hatred deforms my body
It loves
When nobody seemed to care
About me
And nobody dared
Fight the
Violence ruining our eyes
Everyday
In the oyster
Its the surprise
Its what happy ending sunsets
Mean to say
Its the way flowers cry
Their own song
When they lose the sun
Even in all that unsaid silence
Your song is blending in to someone
Even when
I cant express it
You know what it really means
When I cry
You said what I could not say
You knew why
Your song is still in New York

When youre in Brazil


I swear
Its the reason
The birds fly
I swear your song is the reason
The sun rises everyday
Its keep me alive
Its the reason I didnt
Die of heartbreak today
I think
I was young once, nave, and idealistic
But now I know
What men are made of
And even though I know
What they are made of
And this world broke my heart beyond repair
In a world where evil rules
In the dreams of the girl I once was
In a world that wants you to be hateful
Your song is different
It is still love
I went to work
When I didnt want to
I was good
I didnt say the things I shouldnt say

I cleaned the house


And just got lost
In your song as it played
It took me away
To a paradise of milk and honey
It never once asked me
For any money
I swear your song knows me
In places
I didnt know existed in me
One kiss
Sets beauty free
When Im in New York
But youre in Brazil
Dancing right next to me
I swear your song
Sews wings on my feet
It has to be the one
Paintings dreams
On my sheets
Your song is playing
While I cry
Your song is playing
While they hate me
While they lie

Your song is playing


As I die
Rocking me to rest
With a soft lullaby
I can live through World War 3
On the ground
With your song
Holding me in the sky
I dont know what the stars
Are supposed to mean
What holds them up
Why when we look at what we dont know
About ourselves
We think we are dreaming
I dont know
If there is something better
Out there for me
But sometimes when I hear your song
I think if I could just touch it
Id be free
Finally
I swear
Your song is a
Diamond
That hasnt been found

We are glass
That could
Break with just a sound
I know in everything
I know
It could save the world
If they felt it pound
It could move them to love
It could spin the sun around
Unconventionally
Where dancing through life would be
The only way to be
I dont know if Ill live through this pain
You gave to me
But I know your song made living
Worth it
I swear your song is a smile
On face
Nobody can see
I can feel it
In everything I am meant to be
When Im in New York and youre in Brazil
Singing just to me
If there was a returning flower for death
Or a rainbow for tears

If there was a wine for my emptiness


Or a sword
For my fears
It would be your song
Still playing
When I was too tired to go on
After all these years
I swear Id see things
People said I couldnt see
It would be your song
Out there
Somewhere
Holding the moon up just for me
The Painter
When I was young
I used to believe that if I
Painted
Faces the wrong color
Nobody could stop me.
I always dreamed about falling in love
When it was wrong
Until I saw her and knew
Even with the scar left
On her face
There couldnt be anything

Wrong about love


Time, memory didnt seem fair
She told me
She didnt always have the scar
It appeared after
A strange man raped her
Now the town looks at her in horror
A big blue and purple
Stain on her face
For all the world
To see her shame
And for her
To never forget
But on her face
I saw a map
To a country nothing can touch
She told me
God cursed her twice
With the scar
But I saw a shield now
I said
A shield from
Him and those like him
Every time she looks in the mirror
Her stomach

Gets tight and sick


It makes her feel powerless
Again
Over her own body
We talked one night in a bar
And I fell in love with her
Because she was different
She was drunk
Very drunk
So drunk she wasnt herself
But in that moment
I saw her
12 years old giggling and dancing
Years before
Life happened
Everyone looks at me now,
She said.
I cant hide it.
Im ugly because he is inside me now.
Im afraid.
I feel fear all day long
Even the birds scare me now
But then I go to the beach
And I feel free
It is the only place where I feel free

I dont believe in God


The way people believe in him
But that moment
At the beach
I can feel him
I can touch what is never there
What do you do?
She asked
Im a painter,
I said.
And just a man.
What kind of painter? she asked
Surreal, I said.
I paint dream-like scenes.
I listened
Not knowing that the next day
After I kissed her lips
Id go blind
And I did
The world turned dark
And the sun never rose again
The only painting
I ever saw
Was in my memory
I couldnt keep it
And I walked an earth

I could not witness


Tripping and
Bumping into things
Without any evidence
That I was there
I didnt mean to kiss her
I curse God
Now
For making colors
I can no longer have
I didnt mean to touch her
But I couldnt help it
And I was angry
So angry
I could feel flowers I could not see
Die from my heartbreak
I was hungry
But couldnt eat
It was as if my own body
Betrayed me
And I got angry at it
Powerless
To its choices
Life just creeps up on you
To never see again

To never paint
If I knew God
Id kick his ass
I swear
Id start a war
In heaven
How could he make the sun
For everybody
But not for me
How could he betray me this way
Its not only that I didnt want to feel it
Its that the feeling
Was torturous
I couldnt handle it
I couldnt bare it
3 years
No light
Until I started walking
Walking to nowhere
I could see
Sounds were heavier
Just a song
Could make me cry
But
My eyes had no more tears

If I could see her again


What would I see now
All this
Look what she has done to me
Look at me now
I am a painter
Who cant paint
Do you know what that does to the soul
Theres an urge
To put it on paper
And release it
And then I started walking again
Hungrily
Through the streets as I screamed
Out in desperation
My God
Has betrayed me
Then I bumped in to a man
One day after three years
Of blindness
He told me
He knew me
He touched me
And I could see again
I screamed

For the first time


I cried out
The first thing I saw
Was a war around me
A man bloody and dying
It was as if
The burden of sight
Came back to me
But no then
A bird
Magical
Erased it
I want to be like the birds
Who sing while they work
Who sing while they pull
The sun back in to the sky
I know more now
Then I ever knew before
I know
How to see in the dark
And her face
The scar that was never there
The girl
Lost
I painted her one last time

Before I slept
He told me his name was Jesus
I hugged him and told him
I dont have a name
But I have a painting now
So good
That nobody can see it but me
And that is
All that matters

If
If when you walk on your journey
You face a mountain that you fear climbing
Because it looks too tall and wide
Just remember there is freedom on the other side
If you look at silent piano
And do not know what you found
Touch it to discover the mystery of your own beautiful body
In the sound
If ever anything goes wrong
And your dreams are in the stars
And youre on the ground
Just remember
Just one more step will turn the world around
If when you go there
You make a few mistakes
Dont worry

The sun always gives us another chance


But most of all
If life ever gets too hard
Dance

Guitar Man
I shouldnt tell you.
I dont know what would happen to me
If I did.
If I give it to you,
I dont know where it will go.
Now that a part of me is gone
In you.
And when in you
What did we become
Did you take me to India
Did we swim together
In a peaceful poetic sea
Did you catch me
Kissing the birds
And washing myself
In sand so soft
It could have been a newborn childs skin
Smell
To smell would be a miracle

To be so close
I could smell the rose
On your breath
Would break me.
Move me.
What were you saying to me
Then
That you forgot
When you left
What does it mean to forget me every day.
Looking at me
You wanted an escape.
You wanted a reason to live.
Tell me now
I know I cant ever know
Time
But I wait here naked for someone out there
To finally reach me
I like to hide
Hiding
Means for a moment
We are pure
And cannot be found.
There is evidence sometimes
That we exist.
What if I move and the ground breaks

Under me
Birds resting on a dock
And I know
Everything is going to die
What if I dont know
Who I am anymore
And I become the white
On a blank piece of paper.
Would I speak then.
Would I be able to.
What if the flowers dont bloom under me
And you dont sing
I get so lonely
Without your song
To hold me up
Ive seen everything
I mean everything
Ive seen every mountain and molecule
Ive been inside of the flower
Looking out
Ive lived inside a silent poem
But Ive never seen anything like you.
Its not even like beauty.
Its like being hungry for a month
And then eating a whole cake.

For once to speak


After all these years.
To show you you are beautiful.
For once to touch
Or just dance.
Its so lonely out in space without words
To guide you
To me.
Its like a curse
To not be allowed.
Not be allowed to touch
Or just say something
That moves the world.
I thought just once
It could change things
If I said something.
But it didnt
Im still the moon
And youre still just a man
With a guitar.
Sometimes
Sometimes the birds sing for you
Because birds know a song
Can make any hard time better
Sometimes the birds dance
Because life is beautiful

Sometimes the rose bows her head and prays for you
As you pass
Because she knows everyone needs a prayer
Sometimes heaven just wants to touch you
So he sends rain
Sometimes the bug kisses you
Because you were too beautiful to resist
Sometimes we're hungry
So the tree gives you an apple
Sometimes the rain stops flowing
To reveal brighter colors in the grass
Sometimes darkness
Is not dark
And is the only mystery that reveals
Other universes in the stars
Sometimes we're sad
And we just need a smile
So the moon undresses
The past
And smiles for us
In the sky

Love Is In The Oddest Places


If you really look true love is in the oddest places
Love within every expression of the human race
I think of brave people who fought through it, now forgotten in time again
They were no superhero, no artist, no leader, no ribbon or plaque or Oscar, no gain
Their bravery, their goodness, their sacrifice, their pain
Had no movie, no book, no speech, no standing ovation, no fame
Yet they proved love still exists even without a face we remember,
Without a home we forget, without a name
And still nobody knows their names
And nobody remembers their pain
Yes love is in the oddest places
Love within every expression of the human race

In a war, the child cried out hungry


A sound her mother couldnt bare to hear
To look at the childs face pained with starvation,
Suffering, and uncontrollable fear
The suffering was too unfair
And too painful to erase
Looking at the childs face change from joy to waste
Her once beautiful child, her once beautiful face
It was selfish and evil of the men filled with greed
To cause a hunger no one could feed
Mother and children starving to death
All night her mother sat by them as they slept
All night while even in their dreams the children wept
But the mother was hungry too
None of them had any food
A little food was given to them by a gracious man when
The mother, still hungry, didnt feed herself she fed her crying children
And my mother told me, a mother is only as happy as her saddest child
And I thought about money or just one cookie left in the jar
And I looked at myself
To ask myself who we are
The mother somewhere else
Who when there was one cookie left
Gave the cookie to her child instead of giving it to herself
Yes, love is in he oddest places
In every expression of the human race
The cleaning lady who was tired all day
She didnt want to work
Her feet, her shoulders, her back hurt
Her husband was so frustrated looking for a job, he was out of work
And he came home after a long day angry and cursing
Saying things he shouldnt say
Around the kids
The cleaning lady was stressed today
She had a sick child at home, she had bills she could not pay
But as she cleaned she cleaned singing the whole time anyway
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
When he was a kid he had to wear eye glasses
And he wasnt happy
He was so upset because all the kids would make fun his
Funny looking eyes that could barely see
Or the glasses that made him look so funny
When she was a kid she wanted eye glasses because they made her look smart
And she wanted to be smart so much
In all her heart

She wanted glasses


So she begged her mom to get her glasses
But her mom told her thats not who you are
You dont need them why do you want them why
She wanted to look unique and smart and she cried
Asking her mom why?
He lived his whole life insecure about his eyes
She lived her whole life looking for an upscale classy smart guy
Who wore glasses
When they met, he tried to hide his eyes to her surprise
Because he had such beautiful blue eyes
Later he told her he was self conscious his whole life about his glasses
And the way kids make fun of you
She said its not true
Your glasses were why I was attracted to you
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
On the other side of the world
A strange boy stared at a strange girl
For 50 years
He was ugly, she thought
Thinking of all the wars they fought
He had uneven lips, big ears, and his teeth were all crooked
Just being honest
She looked and looked, hes so funny looking
She complained all the time, he thought, and he didnt like her cooking
They fought about stupid things
When they married he couldnt even afford a ring
But the couple wouldnt have it any other way
She did not know she loved him more and more everyday
They thought about giving up once, divorce, but they both couldnt bare to leave
This is love even through hard times this is love I believe
Yes love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
The girl was in high school and she got cancer and lost her hair
She told her friends she was so upset life wasnt fair
Then her five friends came to school with shaved heads
Everyone thought it was so cool they said
I think we started new trend
My friend
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
She was young and dying of cancer
She asked god why she was going to die
But he never answered
He came to make her laugh every night

And I swear it added a few years to her life


The old couple spent their whole lives with each other
She said she would never ever have another lover
They met as teenagers, fell in love, and married
They were never apart
They spent so much time together
People started saying they looked the same
When she was crying, he was in pain
When she laughed, he laughed too
He died when he was 82, all those years
They were never ever apart
Three days after his death she died of a broken heart
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
Two men fell in love in the city but the whole world
Told them their love was forbidden
They were lovers and best friends
But their love was denied by the whole earth and heaven
When through the tests of forbidden love
Everybody proved that nobody knew what love really was
Nobody on earth could understand the love between them
They said it was lust
They said they cant touch what they wanted to touch
But they loved anyway
No matter what the people would say
In Maryland up to the 1960s there was a law of the land
A Black man and a White woman
Could not date
Love between Blacks and Whites was forbidden
All because of unwarranted hate
Against the law she met him one day
Loving him too much she wondered what her parents would say
But they ran to New York to marry anyway
It was a love nobody could understand
How could you really love a Black man?
How could you do that to your children?
Because to them true love was forbidden
But even forbidden
They fought
Knowing what they wanted
Wanting the true love everybody on earth sought
It was a love everyone on earth fought for
The love they had was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen
It was what everybody dreams of
Yes love can be the oddest, love
To love against all odds

Wrong or right
Dont give up the fight
Love
Never knowing what love was
Even as they touched
Yes love is in the strangest oddest places
Sometimes its in
All the places we dont look in
You have two kinds of soul mates: your enemies and your friends
Yes I saw that the closest people in the world were two enemies
Not two friends
The two enemies paid attention to each other more
Than friends
They were so connected, he was always within him
And I wondered what they hated so much about them
Unless his enemy was so within him
It was him
He always thought about him
And how much he hated him
But the two enemies, their connection, their love was destined
Destined for divine perfection
My father told me we are our own worst enemy
And I know it is true we are our own worst enemy too
Because your enemy lives inside you
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
There was an alcoholic man
He was talking to his other lost part, his woman
He was pouring out his heart to this woman
He told his wife, Im my own worst enemy woman
Then she thought about all that he has done to her, she really thought about him
And she thought about it and thought about it again
And said, no your wrong again, Im your worst enemy my husband
And you wont win
Yes, love is in the oddest places
In every expression of the human race
I saw the best love come from a priest and a whore
His friends asked, what do you love her for
But everyday he loved he loved her more
I even seen love in war
Ive seen love fall and Ive seen love roar
I saw a Black man and White women kiss on the street
While people stared
Black people asking how could he kiss her
White people saying how could she kiss him
But their love was true love through thick and thin

And they proved it through everything


Not easy at all
As people cursed love was a sin
This love is forbidden
You wont win
But they did win
Love always wins
When tested by everything
Yes, love is in the oddest, oddest places
In every expression of the human race
There are no racist painters
There are no racists painters
Trying to emulate
Gods work
A painter eyes sees the fullness in colors
He sees the beauty
In the unique
He sees value in difference
He sees colors
Where there are none
And laughter
In sadness
The mystery of the skin
As it dances
And tries to capture
The beauty of skin colors in his own hand
And make it his own
There are no sexists poets
Seeing the beauty in love
The poets heart tries to
Recreate love
With words and sounds
That reach out but cannot touch
That imprison but
Emancipates
He tries to become one with the torn
Body
Tries to express the agony
And ecstasy
Of her eyes
What God
Meant all along
In the opposite sex
The poet tries to make

Meaning
His own
The musician has no enemies
Knowing the world
The musicians
Music lifts us all
Intimately
Until we find ourselves dreaming again
Music
Becomes a apart of us
Even from far away
Shaping us
Into dance
Lifting us
Far away from our troubles
Regardless of
Who we are
Or what we believe
The musician has no enemies

The Whore From Babylon/ The Scarlet Letter


Please try to understand me
I was very young
I didnt know that when I touched him
I would lose my freedom
Please try to understand me
We wore the same kiss but
He left me here, alone in the dark
Among men and women, to wear this
Where I have fallen, he has risen
Sex I know now is my faithful prison
From a man who never loved me
Or cared, abandoned by the same kiss
We both shared
A kiss that exiles me from the country
From flowers, from the sun,
From heaven, from my body
Exiles me to my own heart
Where in the dark
I cry alone, wishing that I never met him
Before
A kiss like an act of war
The crowd around me screaming Youre a Whore
Babylon, youre a whore
Lies they really believe in
And they believe in more
I dont know why I let him touch me that way again
Every touch hurt so much
It left a ghost
I guess I needed him to touch me again to heal it
But every touch from him
Makes me go numb, I get lost
And I no longer feel it
Its crazy, I know
The things you do, when you do not know
What youre doing
The past is too powerful for you
To change it
I will walk the love
And know every struggle it is made of
Even among hate
I will walk the love
I will walk the love

With my shoulders back with pride


And my head raised towards heaven
I will walk the love
For my father, my mother,
My sisters and my brothers,
The unborn and the born
My friends, and my lovers
While the flowers sleep
And we think things just leave
I will wait through these tough times and
Walk the love like I believe
In different atmospheres
I know the trees change from orange to green
The flowers change from nothing in winter
To themselves in spring
I know men change
When they are in prayer
Or in war
When they touch something pure
Or when they touch a whore
But I didnt know he would leave me all alone to fight this
Exiled all alone all because of kiss
I will walk the love
And know every struggle it is made of
Even among hate
I will walk the love
I will walk the love
With my shoulders back with pride
And my head raised towards heaven
I will walk the love
For my father, my mother,
My sisters and my brothers,
The unborn and the born
My friends, and my lovers
While the flowers sleep
And we think things just leave
I will wait through these tough times and
Walk the love like I believe
Cant you see her hiding in her clothes?
Shes the most beautiful woman in the world
To somebody
But nobody in the world knows
Shes walked through his war

In a short, tight skirt


Shes been shamed, exiled
And shunned
And she still knows how to hide the hurt
But
A heart that is freed tonight, is years forgiven
In a world made of love and light
In a world beginning again
Live the Life like you understand
All the pain a man can leave
I will walk the love like Scarlet in her darkest hours
I will walk the love like I believe
Tell her that you know
One day we'll walk beside the dreams we carried alone
One day we will be free

Making Love To Music


I want to travel the world
A gypsy woman
Looking for dancing in so much silence
Not even the stars speak,
Not even the stars
Lost without direction
In a stolen car
Wanting to escape to the moon,
Wanting
Light to touch you
When I cant,
Looking for something I didnt know I lost
Not knowing I wanted to dance
When I didnt know how to dance
Ill just think
About a boy in a forgotten bar
And dream
Until I lose
Somebody elses stars
Out there, there was no voice, no rain,
No sound of passing cars,
No ocean to catch me, no body, no him, no guitar
I want to search the ends of earth
Drunk, despaired, and hurt
Not knowing why I am crying
When nothing was there
Looking for something I have not found
Looking for some kind of forgotten sound
Wanting to touch something but I cant
Not knowing I wanted to dance
When I didnt know how to dance
Hes on the other side of the world
Still thinking about that girl
Lost and alone
Without a home
Not knowing why he wants to cry
But cant
Not knowing why in this place
Nobody dances
The girls face
Her addictive taste, the waist
That reminded him of a mistake
A still sea

The air empty with so much silence


He drank so much he forgot her mad kiss
The strange lips
The funniness
Everything we miss
When we dont take a picture
So he looked again
Thinking he could find it in a song,
In chocolate bar, in a candle, in the lost stars
That morning
But stars are smaller than flowers
And silence and music both have too much power
Out again at a bar
Kissing another woman
To get over her but he couldnt
Staring at her body but he wouldnt
He wouldnt play it
Staring at empty space where a guitar
Should be
Wanting it to cry for him because he cant
Wanting to see her dance again and dance
Out where when he drinks
To forget
And she dances to remember
The first time they met
There you are
Looking for a guitar
Lost and alone
Without a home
Not knowing why you want to cry
But cant
Wanting to see her dance
But she cant dance
Hes on the other side of the world
In all of the silence of the stars
Looking
Looking
Looking for a guitar
And when he finally reaches
And her body finally speaks
When he finds the guitar
And when everything in the world finally sings
I want to be half of the reach of his hands
I want to really understand the tragic man
I want to be so close to him

Im inside of him
So inside him Im a bone
A piece forbidden
Near his thigh that nobody knows about
Not even him
I want to be so close
Im his t-shirt
Im his laughter and his hurt
Or Im the chocolate he tastes on his lips
I want to feel like that guitar
And be in between their first kiss
When he finally plays
And I hear him touch me from a million years away
Walking miles through oceans and fires
Just to see that smile
I want to be so happy
That I finally dance
I dance
I dance
I dance
When I didnt know how to dance

North Star
Dream rockets take you away
To rainbows in the sky
I look once deeply in your eyes
And I dont
I dont know why
I looked everywhere in a sunflower, in a joke, in a painting,
In an hour
In a smile in language in a mile
The sad moon forgetting part of himself just to smile
I looked everywhere
Not knowing what Id find
Knowing, oh knowing youre so lost in time
I walked a million years of earth
Through laughter and through hurt
Through death and through birth
Looking for you again, lost to my body,
Lost to my friends
Lost to the taste of chocolate,
Lost to heaven without him
Not knowing when it ends
Crying, crying
And I dont know why
Knowing oh knowing youre so lost so lost in time
Were building spaceships just to find
The difference between time and a kiss
Its been a million years and I
Still taste you on my lips
Youre always on my mind
Youre always on my mind
When youre out there
Traveling through space
Do you ever wonder why
Heaven is walking in two separate places?
Does earth look like a star you can almost reach?
Does the sea burn blue like a secret?
Are you sending me a prayer
From out there?
I am wondering
If you know how beautiful you are
I am wondering
If I could anchor a shooting star
Amazing things should be free

To wander through
Everywhere the world turns
I turn to you
Your outside in your car
Staring into my window on Queens Boulevard
I think I see you in the corner of my eye everywhere in city
Youre voice is haunting me
And I dont, I dont know
I hear you talking to me, but its another guy talking on the radio
You melt into me in the January snow
I see your face in the moon
And I feel you kiss me in the city wind too
And even the dancers on the street
Know the language of your body Boo
There so much in a lost part we dont belong to
The way the fingers part
But I dont believe that some things are not you
Theres so much in a lost part
I think if you were a million miles away
I would still hear your heart
I would still know where you are
Because youre always inside me
I walked around with you inside me
When youre out there,
Traveling through space
Do you ever wonder why
Heaven is walking in two separate places?
Does earth look like a star you can almost reach?
Does the sea burn blue like a secret?
Are you sending me a prayer?
From out there
I am wondering
If you know how beautiful you are
I am wondering
If I could anchor a shooting star
Amazing things should be free
To wander through
Everywhere the world turns, I turn to you
There you go, escaping again to the moon
On the bed, still flying out of the room
I look at you and cant find you
I look forever on you

I look at bodies making love, a kiss, laughter, I look at warm food,


I look at stars
Wondering what youre made of
You ask me what Im looking for
Im looking for you
Im looking for love
If a microscope or a telescope were looking for you too
I'd still look for you
When youre out there,
Traveling through space
Do you ever wonder why
Heaven is walking in two separate places?
Does earth look like a star you can almost reach?
Does the sea burn blue like a secret?
Are you sending me a prayer?
From out there
I am wondering
If you know how beautiful you are
I am wondering
If I could anchor a shooting star
Amazing things should be free
To wander through
Everywhere the world turns, I turn to you

If the Body Begins


Something so beautiful shouldnt be described
Im scared to touch it; something so fragile might break and die
Youre so beautiful
But I dont know why
We both know too much about love to touch it
Just lie beside me, just lie
You walk around like you are holding a secret joke under your skin
Your skin is always mysteriously smiling
Here I am, looking at your cheeks laughing
As you lie, wondering where I am
You tell me you just want to fuck and be friends
And there I go; Im walking the earth looking for you again
Youre just scared, I said
Why you always playing with my head
You ask me why Im staring, what are you looking for
As you lower your eyes
I said Im looking for you, Im looking for love you strange creature
But youre some thing I cant find
Its so hard to say goodbye
Then I knew, I knew absolutely nothing about men
But I know
If I stare at you long enough Ill lose, just a touch could make me cry
Then I missed the beach that January
But I dont know why
And youre so beautiful
But I dont know why
It might take a whole day; Ill never know where the beauty lies
Ill need a day to watch you move,
Until your lips finally say, what youre saying with your eyes
I write I-Heart-Y-O-U on your back
You have to guess what I wrote
We dont love each right I ask, laughing you say nope
But I have to say
I cant compare you to anything on earth, your more beautiful than even an August sky
I loved you before I met you
But I dont know why
Were so close
When Im alone in New York and youre in Brazil
You sing to me in my mind
When youre not here, but I do something silly
I can feel you smile
Were so close, when I was pregnant

You got morning sickness


I send messages in a bottle
And throw them in the ocean
I know you get them in Connecticut
You know who wrote them
When you got shot, I felt it
And collapsed
You said I tickled you in your hospital bed
I think were in heaven
When I can make you laugh
Before you kiss me
And do something you have feared your whole life
Breathe in
Im the breath you breathe in
If the body begins
Something happened when you touched me
But I dont know when
You turned me from rain to rainbow like a magician
You touch me and I believe in heaven
Like weve been there before and were returning
I cant remember what you said, because Ive fallen
You must be the writing on your body, if only songs
Could describe the beauty of your skin
Ive walked a million years; youve been a million men
Every couple decades, I find you again
Can you remind me what we did with love, if the body ends?
Were so close
When Im alone in New York and youre in Brazil
You sing to me in my mind
When youre not here, but I do something silly
I can feel you smile
Were so close, when I was pregnant
You got morning sickness
I send messages in a bottle
And throw them in the ocean
I know you get them in Connecticut
You know who wrote them
When you got shot, I felt it
And collapsed
You said I tickled you in your hospital bed
I think were in heaven
When I can make you laugh
Before you kiss me
And do something you have feared your whole life

Breathe in
Im the breath you breathe in
If the body begins
I have only seen flowers do what your body does with rain
I have only seen madmen do what your heart does with pain
After we made love, I knew Ive only seen caterpillars change the way you changed
I have only known love to move enemies to dance
I dont know if you love me, but you might
But I know
I have only seen the moon do what your face does with light
I cant catch you
With every movement you change
Beautifully
And I dont know why
It only ends
In time
If its body never begins
God Is Like That

Imagine what an airplane could say about the unimaginable


When it holds you, every part,
Even when you cannot touch the ground

Imagine what a boat could say about impossibility


As it has carried you all this time through territory
You thought you could not travel, carried you through sickness and health,
Carried you through happiness and troubles,
Carried you through impossibility
To paradise

Imagine what music could say about Gods will


When it comes in to break your sadness
As you find yourself
Dancing
Against your will
Through all your troubles

Imagine what tears could say about words


To a man who speaks Spanish
When you speak English

Imagine what your smile could say


To a lonely man

Imagine what the sun could say about death


When he returns

Imagine how a kind word


Could change you
How water
Could heal you

Imagine what the flower can say about your face


As you stare in to her beauty
Your smile becoming like what you are seeing

Imagine what the waves of the sea


Who keeps trying to touch your toes on the shore
Can say about not giving up
Even in failure

Imagine what the stars


Whose dreams are revealed only in darkness
Can tell you about hope

Imagine what a rainbow can tell you


About magic
Or what the lie can tell you

About truth

Imagine what the moon can say about faith


As she returns every night to guide you when it gets dark
Like a friend

Imagine what a strawberry could say


About your lips when he kisses you

Imagine what a child


Can tell about where you have been
When everything else has forgotten

But we have not forgotten

Imagine a freckle on your back


You have never seen
A freckle you ignore as move through life
Not really knowing every part of you
Imagine what a freckle can say about things we do not know

Imagine what a book


Could say about your dreams
The ones you meant to live
But never lived

Imagine what your clothes could tell you about your body
When we think of things that hide

Imagine what a seed


Lost under winter
Can say about your potential
When it flowers in Spring

Because now you and your troubles are also in winter and unsure
And you do not know who you really are yet
Or what you will become

Imagine what the sun


Could tell you about forgiveness
As he returns to greet you every morning
Regardless of your mistakes

Imagine what the sun can tell you about love


When hes there for you faithfully when you need him
When he gives you his everything
Despite your flaws
As if he didnt know you were wrong

Imagine what the law can tell about wrong and right
When the law said blue people could not marry red people
And yet blue fell in love with red anyway
Against all odds
And became purple on a violet
Knowing that love is more right than separation

Imagine what the stars


Could tell you about how you look from a distance

Or what the ocean can tell you about your smallness


Or what a honey bee can tell you about your largeness
Or what your troubles can tell you about your strength
Or what love can say about weakness

Imagine what your nose can say about how close we are
Or what time
Can say about how far apart we are

Or what a rare jewel


Can say about what happens in time

Imagine the sneakiness of invisible things


Like a smell coming from a cake

Without bills, with no obligations,


Imagine what a bird
Can tell you about freedom

Imagine what darkness can say about the power of light

What water can tell you about the power of fire

What fire can tell you about paper

Who told the flower to smell so good for you?


Who told the sunset to make you smile?
Who told the light to guide you
Every morning getting closer to yourself

God is imagining it all now


The millions of stories
We can tell

God says:
I know who are, I know where you have been
I know where you are going
I know why you made the mistakes
You made
Ive been where you have been
And Ive seen
What I love

Another Teardrop To Silent For A Song


I remember waking up
And all I could feel was was fear
And in the distance
Where thousands of wounded warriors lay
Inside of here (touches heart)
A silence so powerful and heartbreaking
It was the only thing that I could hear
I wish I could tell myself
There was nothing to fear
But Im afraid I know too much
About this world now to know
And if I tell you my secrets, or scream it out too loudly
Or too proud
I know the wrong persons going to hear it
And try to wash it out in the shadows
And I know now what I didnt know then
What some men are
Trying to do when they seek to weaken a woman
And I remember when I was a kid
I dreamed that I could be anything
And Ive heard its happened to women before
But I never dreamed Id be his victim
Another of his casualties
Like the millions that have come before
Is there anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Ive been crying for years
If only you could read what the silence says
In each and every one of my tears
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Hes angry again tonight
Everyday I wake up hes looking for a fight
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I just need a little peace tonight
Is there a safe place in this world I can run to
Because Im really getting tired
Of this fight
And theres a silence out there in her
I can feel it
Thats too powerful for me to be silent about this tonight
On the outside youre a well respected man
With power and prestige
And the world, a war, and a gun in the palm of your hand

But you abused her


In the worst of ways
You tore her down, degraded her, punished her,
Beat her, raped her, belittled her,
Humiliated her, and abused her everyday
Then you abused her some more
And everyone pretended for you
That what they saw
They never saw
You belittled and abused her everyday
All this time
Youre still abusing her
Never listened or cared to what
She had to say
Who knew when youre dreaming of fairy tales as a girl
That the one youre supposed to love the most
Would be your worst enemy
What is sad here is knowing that Im not the only one
That there are thousands
Out there like me
That need someone
Thousands who lay on their pillows at night
Scared to death of the man
Who sleeps besides them
Wondering if there is a better world somewhere
Thinking
Is there anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Is there anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Ive been crying for years
If only you could read what the silence says
In each and every one of my tears
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
Hes angry again tonight
Everyday I wake up hes looking for a fight
Is anybody out there?
Can anybody hear me?
I just need a little peace tonight
Is there a safe place in this world I can run to
Because Im really getting tired
Of this fight
And theres a silence out there in her
I can feel it
Thats too powerful for me to be silent about this tonight

Nobody will say anything


Nobody will do anything
Everybody too scared to lose
Everyone pretending like it doesnt exist
When I know they know
What hes doing
They just dont want to let it show
Hes wrong
Just another casualty
Of his wicked kiss
I never knew it would come to this
It doesnt matter that its my life he destroyed
He thinks this world was made for boys
But hes wrong
Hes always been wrong
I guess its
Just another teardrop to silent for a song

Your Gun Cant Kill


Im scared
Im really scared
Hes in the corner
Threatening me again
I cant sleep, I cant eat
There are a million voices
In my head
And none of them have the right answer
Or a better world to be in
But then theres this little voice inside me

Just telling me to be brave


Its not nothing right
The life that I gave
Its not nothing right
For the life Im going to save
He shot me down
But Im still living
He stole my body
But I still breathe
He tried to control me
But Im still free
He told me how to behave
But I live proud forever knowing
Im still me
And when I stand
Before her
Ill know that I said something
To honor her name
And when she cries out again
Ill know that I did something
To finally make a change
I just want you to know
That your gun cant kill
Your words cant belittle me
Your punch cant hurt
Your power cant destroy
Because Im much bigger than
The control of a boy
Does anybody now remember her name?
What she fought
What she lived through
What she overcame
Maybe the human heart is too small
To hold all her pain, for thousands and thousands of
Years she been calling out to someone
Silently
And still nobody came
Did God really make this world
A world for men?
Is that what you all found in your religion?
And still she lives,
She walks, she breathes,

Trying to find
A God bigger than that to believe in
Is it too hard to remember her
Or too hard to forget
How many times she sat and wept
Silently
With nobody in the world who would save her
As the world continued to move by her violently
He shot me down
But Im still living
He stole my body
But I still breathe
He tried to control me
But Im still free
He told me how to behave
But I live proud forever knowing
Im still me
And when I stand
Before her
Ill know that I said something
To honor her name
And when she cries out again
Ill know that I did something
To finally make a change
I just want you to know
That your gun cant kill
Your words cant belittle me
Your punch cant hurt
Your power cant destroy
Because Im much bigger than
The control of a boy
Who am I to say nothing
Who am I to close my eyes
Who am I to ignore her
When the world cries
Why cant we just be respectful of one another
And share the world in unity
Why cant we all just live together happy, joyous, and free
Why does it all have to be so hard for women?
Just relax, stop being evil
And let me be me

Why is it everywhere you go in this world


You have to watch your back
Wondering if some strange man is going to attack?
We need to heal our pasts
And end our wars
And move into the future
Without all the scars

A Womans Complaints
I cant zipper my dress, without your hands
Im always angry and stressed, without my man
Come watch me undress
While I dance
Thighs rolling over tongues, will put you in trance
Baby arguing aint fun, without a woman
Im speaking KooKooMay, but they just dont understand
Nobody on earth can piss me off
Like you can
How will you ever get mad, without my demands
Its too hot in New York, without your fan
Without you, even babies make me sad
All I can think about is the hard life theyre going to have
Im so irritated, every man I meet makes me mad
They just dont know
What they could have had
That song is not the same without you
To dance with
Im incomplete,
Without your kiss
Birthdays are nothing, without your wish
Cake tastes bad, without you to share it with
Without you, theres no colors, no taste, no music
When your alone at night, dont you wish
You had someone to share the moon with
When I see oceans, I miss your eyes
Im in the sunset and youre in the sunrise
When Im on the ground, youre in the sky
I cant fly with one wing, I just cant fly
Youre so beautiful its frightening
Your smile hits me like lightning

My pulse is heightening
Youre so beautiful I could faint
Youre the reason why poets dream
And painters paint
These are a womans complaints
I cant wear lace, without your stare
I cant breathe, without your air
Im not happy, when youre not there
Im trying to figure, how to get you out of your underwear
I cant smell heaven, without your hair
I cant light a fire, with your spark
I cant kick you out of the room, without your farts
I cant beat, without your heart
Im not me, without my other part
Whats light, without your sight
Whats hate, without your fight
I cant be free, without my rights
The eggs are burnt
The shower is too cold
The moon is too old
A million dollars costs less
Your hair is a mess
I need to run free, Im bothered in this dress
I see lovers on the street
Without you and
Its making me depressed
Im out of breath, without your breath
I need you like a flower needs rain
Breaking up feels like death
Even music brings me pain
There is no life with you
There no fun without you Boo
Theres no summer sky without your blue
Theres no lies without your truth
Who else can turn me from rain to rainbow
Like magic
Without you, everything is tragic
Youre so beautiful its frightening
Your smile hits me like lightning
My pulse is heightening
Youre so beautiful I could faint
Youre the reason why poets dream
And painters paint
These are a womans complaints

Do You Believe Angels Can Fly? From Spain To New York In The Blink Of An Eye
The city has gone crazy.
I saw a lover kiss a woman like theyve been apart for a million years
I saw a man touch a sick woman and wipe away her tears
Music filled the air like an irregular heartbeat
People danced everywhere like there was no gravity on the street
I saw a crazy girl on Lexington who was screaming to herself
A lonely old businessman smiled
Caused he knew how she felt. There's a construction worker
Who can Salsa bad and he made it on the front page of the news.
I saw a bum win the lottery too.
I saw a priest fall head over heels in love with a prostitute
I saw an alcoholic not drink, a philosopher who did not think,
A politician who did not vote, a writer who never wrote
I saw a war and nobody died, I saw an old couple sharing
A milk shake and a beast turn into a butterfly
And I laughed true while we wrote the Queens Boulevard Blues
And I thought of you, then when I saw you
I punched you in the stomach and kicked your balls
And told you all the wrong youve done me, but when we turned around
Everybody was kissing somebody

Flower
I am a seed
That longs to grow
I know my roots
Where the wind blows
I cannot know
But where I end up
Is where I longed to go
Sucking up the juice
Taking in the sun
Trying to get loose
Underneath for now
But I will soon come into sight
Rising to my destined height
Slowly moving in towards the light
Changing is my worldly right
Changing weather cannot hurt me
I found my spot
Moving slowly
Slowly I blossom
Growing more leaves
Straight and tall
Dancing with the summer breeze
Then I open my bud
So that all the world can see
What they couldnt see
The beautiful flower
I had inside me

Window With a View


Laughing to keep from crying Langston Hughes
Outside the window, the forgiving sun here pressing
Against the moon somewhere
Celebrates
Every flaw
Every detail of madness
Morning birds, a thousand of them wild
And dancing in the tree,
Purple and pink summer flowers
You can smell from here
Music escaping from the neighbors yard
I hear laughter
Fading down the block
I remember a kiss
A big pancake for breakfast
Reminds me of some kind true love
God has for everyone
My mother in the kitchen drinking her morning tea
My eyes drawn to colors
And how they make feel
Purple
Royalty,
Birds and desire singing
About despair when there is nothing
In this air to grieve
When I walked
Through the tree
I wondered what was missing
Why was I crying?
I wondered who I was.
The wind came through the door
And knocked me down
But Im still standing
Yet
You belong to this peace somehow
And I do not know you
I reach out and feel rain
When it is not raining

The moon or
The lost lover
Of everything
Blooms inside tonights dark
Waiting
On the other side of the world
Where wings holding up the sky
Wait in the distance
To become a metaphor
Of what remains of today
What we left
When we left
And what it became
Each morning I watch you undress
Out of silence
And step into the broken
Air
Without me
I imagine the song of the sparrow
And think
They simply sing
Because thats what they born to do
The birds lives
Touch everything that moves through them
This morning
In your hands an invisible flower
Wakes up
The invisible wind knocks me down
Until I have forgotten
Who I am
My view of you
Gone forever

Not because I have forgotten


Your touch, your unmoving love,
The purple earth that is somehow different
This morning
But because all that touches me here
All that is before me
Is a secret buried deep within your skin
A secret I do not know about

The Day After Romantic


I did not tell you life came to us from a heavy silence
Waiting
Near an untouched piano, everybody still silent in the room
Waiting for the thing to finally speak, life in a far away land
If you can see the land there, and the beach with a school of dolphins
Swimming far away from us
The most beautiful creatures in the world
In the ocean with the endless sky and earth
Now nothing can be seen but rain, exotic flowers and trees
Lost of their own identity
Like old paradise everywhere
Reminding us of how free we are to lose
When we cannot be seen, something untouched
Or what we think of a
Paradise of only two lost somewhere in each others bodies
The others body always unfound
Even as I touch him
More of a heaven then places we
Wish for
When the world is cruel
The body that should be free now when we touch
Each other
But its not
Waiting for piano knowing too much about loss
Yet yearning for love again
As the rain fills
Every house in this town
With a silence we remember in ourselves
I enter and leave in one minute
Taking something with me
When I go
Returning with a rose
Wanting to enter the gates again
Trying to become you for a moment
To know enough
But I realize I do not know
If it were anything, this rain should bring me peace
And remind me of you
And yet it doesnt
It fills my heart
With pain
And stares at me wanting to know something about me
As I reply to it

The body so mysterious


From our youth to old age
That it moves so that
You will never know me
And yet I want to hold it
I want to ask you to be still
I wanted to cry out
Or smile remembering all the moments
The crashing melodic drums in the rain on his window
Another kind of music
And me, I changed,
I do not recognize him anymore, the old farmer
Who looks old yet more beautiful
Now that I remember him, a truly beautiful man
Who was quiet and simple, who liked to drink, who liked
To dance, who liked to read, who liked to
Create things, rain pushing
Against the outside of his house
As he listens, as he
Listens to the world sometimes
Become something else, saddened by it all, waiting for
Something to happen
To fill his heart now and speak
Entering himself
Again, entering what he knew of her, his wife,
Because he knew he didnt know everything
And yet he loved it all
What he knew and what he didnt know
Not knowing why
They were married for 50 years and
He never held her long enough to know
She was the kind of woman who wanted to be loved
So she did not argue much
And she had no complaints, the woman he loved
So deeply and yet he was sure she never knew
What he felt in his heart
He made mistakes
He couldnt show her, he couldnt cry
His wife, a sweet memory as he hears the meditation of the rain
Enter him and become something else
And bring him some peace
For a moment
And me wondering
Was it something that the rain forgot, or is it something
Rain always remembers as it comes to him and all of us

One day
With each separate memory of sadness
Or escape
Or rest
Rain a few years ago, he didnt remember the day
He was so lost because he lost his wife
And the sun
That day so that he could not remember anything
About the landscape
Or the taste of food
But he remembered the feeling it gave him
How the sad feeling changed
The look of everything
And he could not even taste bread
He stopped wanting to eat
He lost his wife that day and he lost the sun on the same day
And for years after, and the old farmer sits near a few moments of summer
With her, when they were young,
Thinking he will never be happy again
He will never be happy again
Yearning to recreate his youth with her still in it
Because it was perfect
That way
And the same old love stories made of him, and the trombone holds
The afternoon air across the world,
Pink begins in the Cherry Trees in a
Neighbors yard somehow even in our sadness
Being faithful to Spring, and I am in a long violin
A violin longer than the body
At night somewhere,
When I put
Sugar in my morning coffee
I dont think about you, still knowing
How to lose, the sleep in his eyes
We do not talk about
When he sits and the married couple eats dinner in sadness
Sadness that changes as he goes to the TV after dinner
And searches for sadness on the weather channel
Not knowing what he is looking for
At all and
Another woman, wild, curly black hair that rose to the air
Like a Medusa
Smiling moon, beautiful, a crazy creature so wild to the musician
Her face, her love, her beauty, was the reason
He made love to

His saxophone that night and not her when his lips
Kissed the lost air
And the kiss expanded in the small jazz club
The kiss reached out
He told everyone in the club and everyone
That heard the faint echoes of him walking on the street without her
Without mentioning her name
He played and they knew it was her,
And she passed on the street not entering the club
But looked in the window, him inside
Sitting
On a stool, his soul crying in his saxophone trying to reach her
Yearning to reach what he meant
With music, what it meant to love, the young sax player, his
Sax crying because he could not cry,
Playing
So that all the world would know
The broken heart
And her head turned as she heard it outside, looking for him
Who she forgot
She looked in the window to see who was playing
Jazz like that
But she could only see the faint image of music
On the Harlem street
And heard him
And did not recognized him
Not knowing that he was playing the song for her
She heard him
As she walked by
The couples in the club who all remembered her
On their toes, their arms around each other,
Holding each other so they do not lose
Anything
Remembering everything
They once forgot, that
The sax player forgot, remembering
What the woman forgot as she passed the club
On the street in Harlem
Walking home, but not wanting to go home
For some reason, wanting to live for a moment
Without the pain of loss, everybody in the room
Rightly lost
In the music
Truth lost
And it was good

It was good for a moment


To lose the truth
To lose reality and fantasize
Everyone forgetting a lonely radio message
That there was a war
Somewhere in the world, a war
Before another kind of war began, a war the men fought
Not wanting to fight
For another man
Knowing dying was his wifes
And his childrens
Knowing
His death belonged to his wife
And his children
And not the government
And she still sits by the window with another face that is not really hers
Wanting music to enter
Angry at somebody but she did not know who
While she reads the newspaper
Wanting to change it
But she cant
A court case in the newspaper
Nobodys problem
As they discuss it
And the factory where the girls sewed smiles on buttons
And the men
Who may die any day wrote letters
To their wives
Who knew how to love so deeply
Because of pain
And the men were missed
Over long unwritten oceans
That could say something
About life even in death
But it never does
In a lost letter
That says nothing about it
The drum against the old mans window
Nothingness at once and we
Knew it was all just rain,
And yet we must live it
This pain for someone
We didnt want to lose
And I dance
Forgetting it all

Or remembering it
While the music still plays in Harlem, the boy in the gym
At the high school dance on a Friday night
The song he still knows secretly
While he is sits in the kitchen of his mothers house
Wondering what he is becoming
As his body changes without him
As his body invents itself
A man somehow
Inventing architecture in his mind
While I write a story about a song
I have never heard before
But I know its there
And why do I know that I have not heard it
As I live near it
The guitar moves around the heart
And the gym is gone
For somebody else to dance
The light disappeared around his face
Somehow
And still touches me
As
I wonder about the law of silence
A silence so still
It changes everything.
We know about the world
I do not why
I find myself lost in a silent piano
Not wanting to do anything
Except to sit here under another persons sky
And wonder what they think about loss
When the music has not reached them.
Was it on a ship deck?
Just before summer warmed the night air
For them
Although they did not feel it
When the middle aged couple danced with two separate
Partners, danced apart, danced divorced, missing
The time when they were 16
And thought they loved each other. Did they
Wonder about the ocean besides them
Separating things too
Or the language that separated us
From this
Even as they wont touch

Any more and something has ended. Why did she never tell him
About all the dreams she lost because of his selfishness,
Why did he marry the woman
And not care about her, why did he insult her
Instead of telling her she was beautiful, her written in a blues
Song, somewhere in a Van Gough night,
Before the stars rose
To hold her
And why was she arguing with him all the time?
What did he take?
That you cant get back
I remembered the land before the beach
And how everything is different somehow
Now
It could only be true that night comes to reach me this way
As I drive alone down Robert Moses Causeway to the South Bay
In Babylon
Wondering how time never ends somewhere inside us
Babylon
The moon doesnt end without us
The moon that keeps everything
Secret
In the world
The moments
I never wanted to remember about my life
The unspoken
Space that surrounds the water with too much silence
And at once changes everything
We know about the world. The song that keeps an untrue image
Of this
Something I can never figure out,
Me, as alone
As salt in the ocean, even if a man waits besides a harmonica
And doesnt play it
Even as he just stares
Waiting for it to cry for him. When I was young, I was an old woman
Sitting on a porch where the landscape of anywhere we wanted to be
But not here
Stretched for miles, and the song I have memorized
But never heard before
Lived somewhere after time held in my body
Told me where to end. The cello
In his hands to match my emotions,
Long and crying, sounding like an old man
In the beginning. The sweet flute

That sounded like a child


Who has forgotten now who he is
So filled with anger,
Who forgot
The Pacific Ocean that winter that I only see
In a dream that never came true
Because of him, off the west coast like anything
That appears more beautiful because it is just a dream
Me as
I dreamed about it alone
Not knowing the truth
And I cannot tell you why
This has happened to us.
Maple syrup on holidays
In a novel I read as young girl
About a woman in the 1800s
Who chose to be a writer
Instead of mother, a woman alone
Who had to choose between
Entering his world
And losing all her freedom
And losing her voice
Or remain outside
In a womans world
Where she could somehow be herself
Be happy. Each season
I am in every different part of the world, lost on a street
In New York City listening to a Spanish on the subway
That reminds me that there is always something I do not know
In a far away land
Paz written in graffiti on the subway windows
I do not completely understand it
But it seems beautiful somehow
It seems to be in everything that we dont understand
Wondering why the New York City lights
Are so beautiful
Shining for everyone that passes
Why the New York City lights are constantly in the past and in the future,
Silent
Yet moving us
Into each other
And a long long saxophone reaching me in Central Park from Harlem
Years ago
A saxophone some jazz man started playing 80 years ago
Still singing

For us today
I do not know where the world goes when it turns
Into stars and night as I walk
Through the city
Picking up loss. The heart
Is the sad strings of a guitar
A song so true
To the heart
I remembered it before it ever spoke
Yes, I remembered it
An old woman who stares out her window into mountains
Thinking about them in a Spanish
I do not speak
Now gone from her view as the moon rises
And night comes
I ask her to find peace and rest tonight
And maybe she does
Somewhere
While she sings to you as a young woman
In a jazz club, the saxophone player
Forgot, an old man on a porch
Somewhere in China
Staring into the sun rise
As I sleep
Thinking this is all so familiar but something
Is gone, something is missing. That is where I left
The story, the unintentional shapes of clouds,
The hearts we saw in them
That were not there
The way two separate
In the beginning of time and become man and woman.
And then even as they try to touch
And lose something
I watch
The two still look for each other
As they hold hands
She said she lost her freedom
He said he lost love. She holds her heart
Feeling something she does not know
Feeling his heart. Her heart is too strange to the ear
Even to her
So it will not speak
She is too afraid of her feelings now
Knowing without knowing that a woman does not
Need to be taught

About a pain that she has understood forever, in his power


And her numbness now, in every year gone silently by
For him, the pain
He does not care about as he insists
He is her body too, and the people sing,
And the piano plays around both of them
Like the keys to an unlocked door.

Im As Inspired As A Tree Is To Touch The Sun


I want to write something that sings in your heart
All the time
And makes you happy
A song
And only you can hear it
Something that is your song alone
To carry with you everywhere
Even when youre angry
I want to write something you remember
Before it is said
I want to recognize you
The first time I see your face
But not know why
I want to write a half moon
Whose other part is always there
But I think something is missing
I want to know you the way your shoulders know you
I want to be an itch on your body
So you remember that part of your body
When you are not thinking about me
I want to write about oceans
But I cant
Only an ocean can tell you
His secrets
And he wont
I want to make you laugh
I want to be a thief
But I dont want to get arrested
For stealing your smile
I want to put your smile into these words
For all the world to see
I like it when you smile
I want to pour novels on your skin

So I can read about all the places you have been


When you are still
I want to know what you are thinking
And say nothing
I want to lie with my head on your chest for months
In this room
Not saying anything as you speak
And just listen to your stories
Blend in with the walls
Like rain blends in with the flower
I do not want to change your mind
Please do not look like me
I want to know why the dawn you paint
Every morning to greet us
Is so beautiful
I want to know why I missed it this morning
While you held me
I want to argue about beauty
And belief
And loyalty
And love
I want to search for you like a smell
Coming from chocolate chip cookies
I want be a musical note if you are a piano
I want to paint
I will always remember your eyes
I want to be in a bird a few days before scientists
Discovered gravity
And still believe I can fly
I want to be near the wind that carries your heart
Everywhere
When you sing
So I can see you
In everything

I want to know
Why do they put birds in cages?
You must not be looking for his beauty.
I do not know.
They are not looking for the bird.
They are looking for something else.
I want you to control my body for moment
With your song
Show me who I am
Who you are
Shape me into something beautiful
I once did not believe
Of myself
Teach my body to dance
Even in pain
Teach my throat to sing
Even among all this hate
Show me
What I never thought I could be
Tell everybody
Show me love
Show me
How to love you
Show me how love transforms
The body
The way flour is transformed to bread
There was one cookie left in the jar
And he gave it to me
I know
What love is
I do not want to know how the muscles work
Inside me
And carry them everywhere
I go
That is kind of like you
Kind of
We are in each other somehow
The way music is in us
Already

Before we hear it
Our own sense of justice
That works inside all of us
Is not just
I want to be sleep when you are tired
I want to put flower seeds in his bullets
So that you come back to me in May
Return
To show us who you really are
I want to be the peace
In their war
So I should be the woman
He wants to live for
You are like a language I learned
And lost
When I was young
I forgot it forever
I believe someone is dreaming about the stars in
Portuguese
I think I am in between two ways
To know something
Everything around us is poetry
Tell me about your childhood
I want to do kart wheels
For you
I want to look at life with many
Questions
I want love to be like water
I want you to need love
I want love to take up most
Of your body
When you are hurt
I want to tell you loss is love too
You would have not known
How to hurt
Had you not loved

Do not be afraid
Let's make a safe place to run to
In this room
Lets not talk about the world anymore
I want to walk on tip toes around
You in winter
While you live in denial
Saying you dont love me
Because I am Black and you are White
Because I am Jewish and you are Muslim
I want to walk on tip toes
Careful not to wake up the world
Careful not to disturb the flowers
Love is always new like Spring
I never know you
And Ive known you your whole life
Youre always changing
And surprising me
In a war you killed a man
And now here
Youre holding a child
So gently, laughing
Teaching him how to draw
Like a good man
I do not ever want to meet you
I want to know you
Where I do not know you
Like the shape of my heart
Inside my body
I have to carry my heart with me
Inside me
All my life
Without ever knowing what he looks like
I know him and never see him
I want to move you
Like you move me with music
I want to write you
The best love poem anyone has ever written
Because that is how you make me feel

I do not want to meet you


I want to be near your ear already
And guess where I am when you do not feel alone
A secret
That is always there
When we think we never meet
The man is in prison
They have chained him
And beaten him
And degraded him
I saw him
But I do not want to see it
I do not want to look
The horror, the evil of life
I do not want to look
We do not want to look
I want to be in your eyes
As you read this reader
I want to be some reason in your heart
To smile
Can I live in your body
For a moment?
Remember me.
Remember you.
I want to be half of you for a moment
I want to bond
I want to know where you are
When I am not there.
Youre here, now, with me
You are my muse
I am as inspired as a tree
Is to touch
The sun
I want you to change my mind like a radio
Station
Right now
Lets argue

Lets debate it all


I want to learn something new about you
Everyday
I want to take pictures
Of your face
As you age
So I can remember you now
And then
Lets guess
Lets test each other
Lets see if we are the same in a war
And on tropical island
Some things need to be still
To be known
Some things need to change
So that we can see
Who we really are
The flower is only a flower when it blooms
I want you to know
You are beautiful
I loved you before we met
We never met, but you are Gods child
And I already know youre beautiful
Because you belong to God
God is the ultimate artist
And everything he creates is beautiful
I want to dance when you sing
Kiss when you kiss
Make love when you make love
I want to be so happy that you are alive
When I am alive that I want to dance
Look at sound

Look at music
Look at our voices
Look at smell
Look at love
Look what things that we cannot see
Or touch
Do
Lets move
Lets express it all
I want to live for you
I want to be your reason
I want to hold you like your sweater holds you
In winter
I want to dream about you
All the time
And find you hiding in everything
I look at it
Because Im looking at you from the inside out
God
So creative
Like the sun
Giving color to everything
All the world around here bare in winter
Sadness
Turns to flower
Look how the sky opens
And a dream comes through
Look what love can do
It can change everything for you
The butterfly was sure
When it dreamt of its wings
I want to know where you are silent
On your body
So silent I can only sense a part of you
Is missing

Knowing I will never know


What it is
I want to find
Something so silent on you
I will never find it
A bone on your elbow maybe
A freckle I dont suspect
I want to search for you
And never find you
Even the rose
Speaks to us
Even the rose without language
Says something about you
As you touch her
I want to rub you with oil
And massage you
I want to be sober
From now on
Now I am drunk
On your love
Drunk at night
Wild through the streets of the City of God
Wild through New York City
A lunatic
Drunk and wild on love
Looking for you
You hide your heart in many faces
You are many men
You are mischievous
You are you
Magician
Turning the rain
Into a rainbow over New York City
Coloring me beautiful
Because we see
But we dont understand

Because we sense
But were not sure
When you walk in a room
Everyone looks
Wondering why they are so intrigued
By you
You get away with
All your mean
Jokes
Because your face is so beautiful
You are the reason
Morning birds sing
I hear them every morning
In New York
While youre in the Kansas
And I know they are singing for you
I want you to come closer to the page
If I could only hear your heart
And know
If I could only put my heart in your heart
If I could only put my heart in your heart
For a moment
If two heart beats
Make a song
We might hear the same song
For moment
If I could tell you the difference
Between two different tears
On two sides of a war
We may not be fighting
But I cannot tell you the difference
Between two different tears
If you could just look at me for a moment
And remember me once
I may be in your heart

For a moment
It might be just a heart
In a heart
It might be one
For a moment
It might be beautiful

I Hear Music When Its Near


When at night stars held silence like somebodys lost hand
And asking about how long would the night go on
Year on year and not tell me why this heart
That could change everything why this silence that changes
This silence that could not touch
Why this body that saw
The moon bend to kiss a flower once that touched it when it was not there
Why this moon so far in dream when at night the night
Is made for lovers and when in the morning there is this image of a lost moon losing her
Wanting to be almost the heart almost inside the bones wanting to move her wide hips
Further than light a man
Went looking for dancing
And feet and dance and he heard a space between her ankle and her waist that love could
fill and searching
For her again and searching for that only moment
That the heart doubles he searched the hollow and the deep and the tree
And built a drum for her long feet for her toes and shoulders
And wondered what she could be what was lost
And he sang something so sweet that the ocean reminded him of her difference when she
was gone she who he thought he lost forever the moon who once bent to kiss the flower
she who slept invisibly
Between every ocean like salt, I want to be half of that reach of the hands
I want to feel like that drum.
And when in the morning she woke to a silence she has never heard before
Falling between the rain and she heard that silence like he was in it
And she wondered if its beautiful if its there like all the colors of water
Falling around matching a skip of the heart matching love
When there are laws for rain written somewhere and a man
Goes around looking for formula for rules and she thinks
That the smallest flower is probably growing up spreading a smile
Mouth open tasting touching the sky touching, as the rain and flower
Reach for each other, become what they are, I want to be that argument
I want to live between two reasons.
And if you find love I want you to tell me what it is in Kookoomay
So I can search for its meaning forever on you
And if you do not speak Kookoomay, that is what I mean

Flowers Are Not Silent About Their Hearts


You are so true
You make me believe the sky is blue
And everyone else around us
Even the rain believes it too
And everything in the room has a secret too
The flowers you gave me are
Still talking about you too
Even when you were gone
Boo Boo
But the walls need a painting
And your heart needs
A conversation to change you too
Change you
With the lost moon
Tonight
Lost lover of light
In no light
Love is some kind of light
In no light somehow
I never get it right
When I need to get it right
That night
Through the window
I look inward and outwards
At you
And you
My heart belongs to you too
So I put the sun
Beside a flower
And asked if you knew
That the flower
Is a part of the sun too
Putting you against another truth
Is not true
I think I know you
Then you do what you do
And I dont know you
And the people downstairs
Holding hands
Are talking about you too
And there
In our room
In Queens

The broken morning


And sheets I wont clean
Because they smell too much
Like you
When you dont shower for a week
Like light reminds me that
Sometimes everything here is too silent
About themselves
And they lose their identity
In winter time
Sleeping
At night inside you
They lose themselves
And become something else
That changes you
Into you
Then you
And me into me
From flower to man
In a single sneeze
Or touch
In the magic that
Changed us with love
Or lust
When we thought we made love
But we were just having sex again
Like friends
But I entered something in you
That night
Within light and no light
When we made love
I entered something in you
And became something else
Its so cruel
When you do something
But you dont know what
Your doing, now
Everything here
And out there
Is just talking to me
About you Boo
I have never seen a more beautiful creature then you
Boo boo
When you hold me
In your arms
Not feeling your arms

Not knowing who you are


Ive seen mountains by seas
That make the world look bigger
Than the world
Ive seen people fly
Ive seen butterflies really come true
But of everything Ive ever known
You are the most beautiful
I dont know why its true
But its true
Your skin in this candle lit room
Is like the rarest jewel
In the world
And if I just knew
What your skin could make of a girl
Cartwheels in the air
And twirls
But I wont embarrass myself
With what I felt
I wont tell you what I said
When I knelt
If I could find the right words
I would find you too
By Ive searched a million years
On you Boo
And I still cant find you
I sometimes speak about love
But I could not speak about it to you
Somehow Love
Never gets to you
When we make love
The love never gets to you
If I spoke the language of you
But I dont
I dont know if anyone speaks
The language of you
Complicated you
But if I spoke the language of you
And made all the other words they ever told you
Untrue
I would find the sun in a wild flower
And find the rain in that flower too
And I believe you are flower sometimes too
I believe its true
When I look at you
I know

Youre the reason why painters paint


And poets imagine
Something so beautiful
They want
To keep forever inside a canvas
Youre the reason why birds sing
And chocolate tastes as good as it does
And I dance
To your song
And I dance for your love
And I would kiss you and show you
How beautiful you are
If you would just let me
But you wont let me
And I would ask if you found him hiding there too
Where everything
Is as beautiful as we imagined
Where everyone
Thinks they know you too
But youre too secret
For you
Even as you stand beside blue
Everything you believe
Might be untrue
If it were ever true
At night the Irish clovers close their bodies
To hide
It reminds me of you
When you are angry
You hide behind another part of you
So I decided the sky is only the sky
Only when
When the sky is blue
So everything else around us
Must be untrue of you
If the sky were you
Everything is untrue
If it were ever true
Even you Boo
Like the sky tonight
Under this romantic moonlight
That used to be blue
When we were so alive
Now were both
Crying inside
To know you

Is to not know you


I want to know where the words you say
Go when you sleep
Are they in the stars
That wash away when we wake
I want to remember you in bed
When you are silently smiling
Trying to bother me
With all the mistakes
We make
That are not mistakes
I want to say something out of place
That someone will make a place for
Like put a sneeze
On your paint
And just eat
Or Ill put a tidal wave on your war
To stop this evil
And then I lose to all our own sadness
Or it is a dream
We cannot interpret
With any meaning
But all I can say is it is us
Human and angry dancer
And I dont have any answers
I want dig a hole in my heart that makes my heart deeper
Then it has ever been deep
Just to keep all of you
Just to keep
Every line of poetry
Every song
Every dance
Every painting
I made because of you
Beautiful everything you
And I do not want to forget
Ever
Even when Im dead
Anything you have ever said
Everything youve been
And everything youve said
So when Im dead
Ill have to figure out a way
For my heart to be undead
So I wrote these
Words you said

And didnt said


Instead
The words you spoke
Inside of me
To live for eternity

Indulged
1997
indulged in
an engaging kiss
lost under
brown eyes of bliss
yearning a trigger of love
lustful madness
made to soar
dazzling the dance
of a dangerous lure
set behind a vision
where seize takes form
movingslowlydirectly
towards mefreshlytrulythe crave sinks through me
intertwining figures
creates unity
unconstrained emotions
sets two bodies free
wet lips
on a smooth face
leave the tongue
with a thrilling taste
speechless
we can provoke
thoughts that numb the soul
underneath
ecstasy
takes control
finger tip moves
two bodies
softened to smooth
discovering a truth
behind the bodys youth
stalking the innocence
of an untouchable fruit

moving to stimulate
a numb, erotic state
crossing over
a new born fate
indulged in
a moving man
lost under
his plan
never to touch
this way again

Aphrodite Proud
(2003)
We have been charmed by men
Black cat in arm
Magic spell at large
Snakes talk smooth
But were more charming
We have been captive of his tongue and eye
Witch kissed
Voodoo thighs
Making a frog a prince
We have captivated
We have been enchanted by lovers of the night
Lips sweep
Sleeping Beauty dreams
Cinderella
Barefoot over water, over grass
With arched heel and sass
We have enchanted
We have sacrificed our lives for them
They have turned out the lights
We have buried our faces behind men
Under the sheets
A woman's hand leaks heat
Like a magic wand
We have turned them on
We have been struck by bolts of lightning
Aphrodite proud
Cries get louder and louder
We have been striking
We have been ripped of our dignity

Humbled at the hip and wounded


We bleed creation
Weve tasted sweet fruits of the moon
Weve been the prostitute
And weve been the bride
Drunk and wild
Pure and defiled
We have fallen and we rise
Like the sun
Nothing can change the world
Like a womans thighs.

The Last Letter: A Soldiers Wife


Maybe it was intuition, while you were gone
I turned the page, I knew you were gone.
I was there in this great space without corners
In a remembered night when I was a piece of you you were a piece of me
It was the shift
of something
The change in me
Maybe that is why I opened my body like night to the wings of a void
Maybe that is why I pray
You once heard a song, a breath, the fragrance of salt and salt
I could hear the perish, the eternal eyes
I was the body under you, weeping
Inside a guitar, while you were gone I was missing
I knew you were gone
Tears are like soft pearls
Found between light and something dying every night
The body does not come in like a sin. Even without words
I can feel earth and sky separate
Something wrong or right in all of this
you do not cry you get angry, somehow
Afraid to lose, never a touch. There was something absent
Between words, already Babylon,
Already missing.
You talk about the house intoxicated,
I said please come without the wine, the moments
The god of the drug
The unconscious kiss
although we both knew we would never be safe from memory
You said
When a man dies a piece of me dies with him, while you were gone
I could feel light dying, I knew you were gone.
How many dreams do we have to bury?

How many loves does it take to know love, or truth


When we are not seeking it?
when I feel weak a breath of air lies
still beside me. The world is full of you
The last letter lives somewhere inside a word, or something more
Beautiful, without touch or ocean.
The only thing I have left.
I wonder when you
Moved hope did you feel forever in the closed touch?
Did you hear the end of things?
I know you gave and there was light
But there was a forgotten time when you were mine
When we were immense When you vanished into me
I vanished into you
The world you created in your hands was my hands,
The heart that left
No words.
Since then something in a letter has died too.
This is a pain even God does not understand.
This is a war that never ends.

Nothing Is As Beautiful As That


If there was no music, would we move between each other and find a reason to dance? If
beauty is a secret, do you tell your heart that your skin will keep it? If your love was
forgotten, would you still walk the earth sad and angry remembering what it was? Do you
know what your heart does? What is the value of a pearl that is not found? Would you
know the piano was still there if it never made a sound? If I could make you smile is your
smile almost mine? If love is forever, would I look at love and forget the time? Would
stars in the sky still shine if we were not looking? Would you eat a dinner I made even if
you did not like the cooking? Would you love me if I gained weight, seventy years
passed, would you touch me the same even if I was not good looking? What do we bring
to memory that we do not bring to sight? Whats in light that makes us see? What is in
money thats makes us free?
I show you a seed, do you believe its a flower? You tell me you love me, do you know
words have so much power? Do you believe angels can fly, from Spain to New York in
the blink of an eye? Do you know pain is opportunity? When you look at me, what do
you see? Do you know the rain could be a rainbow? Do you think birds are magical? If
you love somebody, do you let it show? If we talk about life and we could not say it all
would I stop when you talk about it again, my whole life will I be listening? How long is
it until we breathe again? How long is it until we begin? Did they make a poem just so I
can reach you from far away? Did they make music for all the things we feel but could
not say? Without the sun, who could see love outlast a thousand seasons? If I had to wait
a thousand days to visit you would I make up a thousand reasons to see you today? If I
had to write my life perfectly, but I made a thousand mistakes, would you love all of me,
would you love me anyway? If we did not talk for years would I still know you? If
yellow and blue are green, what is blue? How many miles until soon? How many hours
must we love to know love is true? Is the man or his dreams the jewel? Does anyone ever
hear the symphony without their own heart's accompaniment? When the balloon flies
away, do you know where it went? When the world is against you, do you still fight
through? Do you hate them because they hate you? Why is heaven not here? What is your
worst fear? Did they design words just so I could live inside you for a while? If your sad,
can I still make you smile? Love is just as invisible as music, and what can move us,
change us more then love? If you dont see it, does that mean its not there? You cant see
the air but its keeping you on the ground. You were still, now your dancing, do you know
about the magical control of sound? "If I tell you something funny about everything in
life will life will it make you smile?" For love, would you walk a million miles through
hell? Would you still smile if you fell? If it has been dark for days, were we under
blankets? What is in what you forget but dont forget? If I did not have hands to paint,
would I think about you all time so I never lost your face? "If I did not have room in my
heart for your cry would I build space?" Do we miss the sun when he is not there? Do
you really care? Have I heard this song before? Why did you just start a war? When you
write it all am I a thought in your philosophy, a law you decided, blessed in your
religion? Or am I just a wife, mother, weak minded? Am I more than a woman? If I speak
too loudly and you do not want to hear it did I need you to tell me what was right for me?

Did I need a man's forgiveness? The rain fell on the flower, the world was dark and the
flower lost its identity. When we look, can we really see what we cannot see? What is the
true flower? Do you know your environment has power? Do you know you have a
choice? He told you to hate Muslims, so you hate Muslims, is that your voice? There is a
secret love affair between rain and flower, the same way youre inside of me. If I think
like you, am I free? Is there another way to be? Are your opinions really yours? Are you
sure? Can you see the difference between the same man in love and the same man in war?
Are you the same now as you were before? What happens when you get tired and do not
feel like listening? "What happens when they work too hard and the stars do not feel like
glistening?" Will you let me hold you if you need a hug? Will it be a magic carpet ride?
Would that be the best part of love? If we do not know that real strength is in our
weakness then when will we ever know true beauty and its secrets? What is in your
touch? Is it love or lust? Is it your body falling down on me again? How long is it until I
can live again? How long has it been? Can we tell the difference between two heartbeats
when two bodies blend? Or is lovemaking just a moment when we thought we were
falling back to Eden? How long has it been? How long is it until we begin? If you told
me all the dreams your heart could be holding: I should believe in them. I should know
them. Are you heaven with lips? Or was it all just wrath and revenge a great punishment?
Are you half of me, lost, like a half moon? What do your pictures tell on the walls in your
room? Would you dance with me and show me what my body is made of? Would you
look at me and know it is love? Why is it when I like something I never get enough? How
is it that I change so drastically under your touch? What is so bad about lust? Why don't I
know what love is? Why is it when I touch you I know more about loneliness? If I
changed, would I recognize myself? If I felt love still inside me, would I know what I
felt? What would I do if anything ever happened to you? Of everything I have ever
known, why are you the most beautiful? Why did I get sick? What is your favorite book?
Were the greatest stories written or are the greatest things in all the places we never look?
When I was angry inside were you angry too? Does some of my heart have something to
do with you? "Do I really love the way love is supposed to be?" Is this real or denial? Is
everything we know inside us, everything we have ever seen? "Did we fabricate this?"
Do I ever make you smile? Do you find me in your dreams? Are you always somewhere
with me? In a photograph are you the mystery? If we danced could I fit my head on your
shoulders, my fingers on your back, toe to toe? Would you tell me everything about you?
Would I already know? Did you knock down my painting from the wall when you
werent in the room? Are you always there? Are you the meaning of the moon? Would
you catch me if I fall? Would you answer if I called? Why am I always afraid and unsure?
Did we talk so much I don't know you anymore? If love gets too hard, do you leave? Do
you really believe? What does it all mean? "You were mean and angry. Now youre love
and dreams. Youre better then a bubble bath. Youre ice cream." Do you talk to me in my
head before I go to bed or am I crazy? Do you remember things that you have said? Did I
make you up? Why are you still in my dreams after so long? Could we get to tomorrow
without the stars? Do you know how beautiful you are? If it took an hour to know you,
would it take lifetime to understand? "Could we fit everything in the palm of your hand?"
Would it be a kiss hidden in a pen? Or would you tell me why I want my freedom? How
long is it until we begin? How long is it until we speak again? If I was dating a man
would he expect me to do his laundry? That is what I dont like about love or not-love

stories. If there was no music would we still find a reason to dance? If youre hurt, do you
still dance? If you failed, do you take another chance? If he broke your heart, do you still
believe in romance? Do you want to be the dancer? Do you have any answers. If I was
dating a man would he expect me to do his laundry? That is what I dont like about love
or not-love stories.

From Eden and Around


(When you love someone) an ancient circle closes
Anam Cara: A Book Of Celtic Wisdom John ODonohue
You know the day was young
In the garden
I guessed the violets were something about you
And your arms were the only choice left
Your eyes always had something to say
About stars
Outside our bodies
And nobody in this world but us
I guess I would tell you silence is more beautiful
When we do not know about it
Or touch it
I am not struggling to make sense
Between the violets
And your sneeze
As you stand naked
In front of the bare window
And do not wonder
If someone will look for you there
I dont wonder if I will look for you there
Because naked
You dont want to be found
I read somewhere
That if we saw our souls
We would die
So I told you
You can hide in me for a while
Even when we die here
And dont die
Seeing something imperfect
Around us to die about

And I put you there


Inside my heart
To walk with me
Through the house
To the town
To the railroad
Although we do not look for it
And how rain
Changed into wild violets
Out in an open field
Dancing
In to another persons rain
While we made love
Forgetting ourselves
Forgetting our skin
Forgetting to protect ourselves from love as
You undress
Quietly
And I know what to do with silence
The bone in your ankle you forgot
Maybe
I knew when we made love
To touch
The parts we always forget
Your hands now in search of my inner fruit
When we touched again still
Hungry for it
And I told you
I do not want to know you
And I knew I didnt
The way I knew I didnt know the rain
That kept us inside
To sleep in bed lazily
And I knew I didnt want to
Know you because a man
In a war
Is a different man
Than the man that touches me now
Reaching out for some kind
Of wholeness
Love gives everybody
And I knew to feel it now not then
I knew love changed
Everything we thought we knew
I knew

I had to love you more than I loved myself


But I couldnt help but feel
Even as you touched me
Invisible armor
That stretched from my heart
To my pelvis
Armor you couldnt get through
That night
As I cried
Thinking I lost you
Still in my arms
Because my mother didnt want me to marry a Black man
You had this idea of me
You didnt want to change
You looked at me and told me I wasnt White
Youre not White
Im not Black
Were people
And I stood before you
For a thousand years
Until you knew so much
You forgot who I was
And we tested each other
Sometimes
To see if love was still there
We said we would die for this moment
And I asked you not to die
Please
Laughing
Stay here
We tested each other
I walked over to the guy
In the bar
And kissed him while you stood there
You went away to another country
Without a letter
And then alone we looked into each other
We looked into songs on the radio
And lost paintings
For face, for touch, for the taste of lips
Trying
To understand each other
Trying to enter the garden again
But it was forbidden
Then you wrote me one day and

I said when I read your love letter


I wanted to throw it across
The room and smash it into tiny pieces
And you laughed not wanting to make any sense
You did not want to ask about the separation
Of two bodies
That were at peace before they touched
But are now at war
When we reach for food and feel flesh
Your lips attached to my lips
Like wings attached to a bird
And the moment
When there is nothing on earth
To explain the sadness
That we die
For this moment
This sacrificial sex
That invites us to enter
And leaves in moments
Like a curse
The feeling too lost
When we open ourselves
At once to everything
Then hide
In a blanket
Love forbidden
Loving, we lose
And alone I reach for you
But dont touch
And touching we
Chose to lose
Just for this
Looking at me
You see flowers
Flowers everywhere
A million flowers
With a million colors everywhere
And looking at you
I saw music
In you, and around you, and in everything
I looked at you and knew you were the only man
In the world
Who does not see him self
You do not know how beautiful you are
The destiny of your body in my body

Creating something else


Of two separate things
Walking around
Telling everything they touch
They belong to each other
But are lost
Somehow
My kiss means magic to you
Turning a madwoman
Into religion
Turning a criminal
Into grapes
And your kiss
Something they said could not stay for too long
Stayed with us
Even as we parted
And I remembered where you left it
And even in my sleep
I tasted you
On my lips
Thinking of the apple
Knowing what we lost
And need
When we lost touch
In the garden
When love was forbidden to us
Something among the violets and the cherries
In the garden we started with
And forgot
We made it there
Far before the coming story
Your lips on my stomach so ready
To understand things
We will never understand
You knew how to walk through an hour
Without telling
Were it came from
I knew there was something human about
Shapes, color and poetry
And I changed them
Not meaning anything when I did
When I began to see colors again
And the violets
Became what they are
Like everything becomes what it is

After winter
Purple seemed so beautiful to me
And I knew it was the color
Of royalty
And long blankets
Wrapped around us
That winter
We touched
Looking for flowers
But feeling the sleep of winter
The rest
The death of something
And the birth of something else
The strange couple that said very little to each other
Feeling comfort
In not knowing anything
Wanting to keep it all secret
The way they dreamed
Of each other
Without losing dreams
The world around washed away
And the ocean we could still hear
From miles and miles
And years and years away
Knowing there was something there
That told us
About ourselves
As we stared wanting it
Even here
Where we had everything
But not that
Maybe it was boredom
That kept us reading books
Never finding what we were looking for in them
Maybe it was boredom
That kept you fighting with me
And me always wanting to find peace
In yoga or goodness
A long walk near the mountain
In a quiet
I could not possess but wanted
Thinking even cleaning the house
Was a sort of romance
Thinking I was having a romance with everything
You and the pancakes

And the long walk


I sought
But never found in all my life
Why our souls travel
Into music without us
When our souls were larger than our bodies
And orchestra was playing
In the kitchen
As you made coffee for breakfast
Orchestra
Brightening and strengthening the violets
Still alive
In this warm warm house
We dont leave
For fear the flower may change
Into war
For fear everything may change
If someone else touches it
Or moves it
So we hid inside
Ourselves
I told you knowing you
Youre more beautiful than I remember
You as a child
And you swore the violets
Looked differently now
Because of the music
Because after we made love
We were different too, stronger
And full with purple color because of orchestra
Still playing
Even as the moon ended somewhere
And we forgot something died
We forgot the hour died
Without us there
We were still awake
And silent
All night seemed
Like a thousand years
Looking at each others faces
To see all the changes
A touch makes magically
From death to life
From fear to love
From man to God

In just moments
As we leave the room
Different
As the violets look different now
You will later tell me nothing
About music
But we touch, touch
In the wind outside
As I listened to it
There was a reason for instruments
Music
Your body was
More like the house but
Feeling the safety
I did not understand
If anything ended
Or if everything just slept
Inside something else
To become something else
More like itself
More human
Than we could ever understand
As we walk around the house arguing
Over our own inner justice
Our parents neglect
Or the mean woman
You meet
And think you love
Or your boss and his power
And you come home with it
Forgetting nothing
Yet moving around knowing everything
You do not know
I swore if once
You did something out of place
Turned oranges to
Autumn leaves
To a fire
And just forgave it all
What is it self
We could all live again
And breathe
But you would not have it
You desired perfection and I turned to you
And I picked a flower on you

I could not touch


The one you forgot
Because when everything is so naked
Around us
The flower does not even have a name
Or an identity
Or a place but
Flowers are home
And you fly away
Coming back
To reach me
Your lips dip
Like a piece of rain and I thought
There is no difference
In beauty
When everything is beauty
Even the suffering
We try to forget here
The lost love we feel as we age
Not wanting to say goodbye
And the cruel God
That gives us something so precious
We cant hold it
Because we are not precious
We are not good enough
We are not worthy
I only know that some things
Hide in a place and
I can only touch the part
I know
I am still waiting for the artist
Who knows
There is truly silence
When the soul no longer fits in his body
The miracle
Almost always being made
I am still wondering
Why I carry you around
In my clothes
What reason
To live in this heart
And constantly forgive it
When the air
Was always tender
And you were drawn into

The moment I was crazy


I think the seasons work in to the language
Winter of the skin
Spring of the bone, Summer back
Your thighs
Made of more than we know
Still your eyes sit quietly
Parted like stars
And I wonder why things part
Why things that are one have two equal parts
The legs
The eyes
The hands
I thought about you so much
I thought I was you for a moment
As I stared at two lovers
In New York City
And listened to a music
That forgot my body
In your body, it was strange
Your body changing my body
Still there is an ocean still on you
I do not know about
Because I was not there when you met
Still there was our angry angry love
And me always wondering
When you are going
To be as we were made
I only wanted to know that love came from simplicity
But it was too complicated
To know that it came from simplicity
Because it didnt
The small history we lived through
In our lives
Down crowded New York City streets
Filled with every part of the world
Walking beside us
Talking to us
In a language we could not understand
Saying this is a test of love
And boundaries
This is God in disguise
Asking us who we really are
Our bodies making love, together
For only moments

When I left with you still walking


In my toes
As I walked away from the sun
To sleep
Wondering about the change
Of everything
The moment we forgot
But we should have remembered
That changed the entire world
In New York
Even the trees that January in New York
Where supposed to be pink with
Flowers
When we fall in love
But the flowers on the trees
Only bloom for a week
Before summer
And the dead petals on the floor
Remembering what they once were
Messed the yard
For us
And became a problem
Or reminded us that we still want beauty
Before us
Even if beauty is messy and only for a week
In this bed
Where five minutes
Means forever
I do not want to know
You were anything but beauty
The way it is made
One hand more beautiful than the other
One heart in one
I always chose the one
Made of music
Entering things to change them
I listened to your voice
Even when you stopped singing
I looked at you
Knowing that I never knew you before
And yet you were me
It was
Because your face changed so drastically
In every picture
I never knew what you looked like

And I got mad at you


Asking you who you were
And you laughed
With more secrets than the moon
I wondered
When does the hour end
When is it innocent to want to know
How the dream feels
Under your skin
When you are alone
Us always trying to reach for each other
And find something
That we cannot find
Because we walk into different landscapes
What was a more perfect art
Then the way the wind matched your lips
Our heat always flying there
I walk around looking for you
Kissing oranges
Or men
Wondering if you were inside
Not knowing that you
Were inside
Everything I looked at
Changing grapes to wine
To theatre
Changing the stars into loneliness
Changing madness
Into love
You are a kind of fading
Ocean
That fades because I walk away
And look back
Seeing something else
I write God is lonely
He needs a kiss
And in the rain
You seem to not be yourself
Strange
So close to things that always fall
From the tree
To answer the grass
And I wondered after you touched me
Giving more
Length to the ocean

Why I was still standing on the ground


And not lifted
Into more loneliness
Than I knew existed and
You were somewhere in Europe maybe
Drinking beer
And crying in the tears of prostitutes
While I was alone on the beach with you
The ghost beside me
Who asked me what I was looking at when I stared at the ocean
And I told him I was looking at
A man who is not a man
Who is smaller than this
Because he is so far away
Then through every country in New York City
Eating breakfast
With a Muslim man
Holding hands with a Black man
Talking with a Jewish man
Wondering about Jesus
Not believing God was here
In the evolution of a kiss
Where the last touch does not stay on your lips
Or on my breasts
But moves into my ear
And becomes a song
Your song
You singing to me when I walk down the street
In New York alone
And then you for real, Black and proud
Standing in front of me
As we yell at each other and
You call me a slut
I have taken away your manhood
And me, I agree with you and the shame
Of it
I tell you
You change too much
To see you
I tell you I could not even paint you
Because nothing on you is still
And your body
Is always something else
More than I can hold
Youre always something I never thought you were

And then we kiss


And make love
And fall
Too angry to hold each other up
And I was right you changed again
And I know you see beauty in pain
Not simplicity
You see beauty in the struggle
And suffering
Too
And we reach for each others pain
You only give me more pain
And loneliness
Because I cant find it on you
To heal it
And then you stop
And touch my white skin
And I stare at your uneven lips
And just stare
And I search for it on you
The country that separates us
The language you are from
And which part
Of you do you believe in
You stop and ask me
As I stare into your face
What I am looking for
As I touch your eyebrows
And your lips
And cheeks that have no home
And I told you
Im looking for love
Im looking for you
But you seem to disappear with clouds even I touch you
The skin moves too quickly
Passed my hands
And Im staring at your lips I swear
But Im seeing the dark earth
Or the sun
Or a diamond
Lost in a dark cave where it is never found
Something valuable we know about
And cant find
A thousand men
Passionately searching

And searching
Looking at another mans face
Looking at weather
Too large for them
Wondering why they are seeing themselves
In something that cannot fit into their bodies
And I wondered about the people
Who asked
If the ocean would still be there without us
And I thought it was arrogant
To think that it wouldnt
Knowing that we do not die
Without bringing our grandchildren
There
Knowing that things live on without us
But would I be here before the ocean
In wonder without you
Without your lost touch
On my body
Would I be me without you
And I guess
That I wouldnt be me
I always miss the point
The theme in the story
That just has you and your millions of faces
Following me everywhere
Telling me I am your wife
While I tell you I am not
And youre crazy
We never met
We never kissed
We never made love
You swore we did
We kissed a thousand times
And that I forgot you
And all around us there is a garden
Sleeping in January
Waiting to wake up and
My dreams are always some kind of lie
Against me
You tell
Me in my dream "You don't know me"
Maybe you are right
I could touch every place on you
Every country and

You would change


Something anyway
You would know how hurt I was
When I could not find
That place again
The time when you were made
Of more memory
Then your body could hold
So you entered the flowers
And they talked about you
So you entered oranges
And they talked about you
So you entered music
And it talked about you
When you moved into violets
And became a man and you looked at me
Revealing nothing
Unable to speak I told you
We might have gone to something quiet
One night
Closer to your body
Near where the world almost turns
From Eden and around

A Womans Complaints
I cant zipper my dress, without your hand
Im always angry and stressed, without my man
I have no flower, without your land
I taste ice cream, and its bland
Arguing aint fun, without a woman
Im speaking KooKooMay, but they just dont understand
How you going to get mad, without my demands
Im hot, without your fan
The burger is burnt, without your pan
I cant change fate, without your plans
Im still, without your wings
Silent, without anything to sing
Sad, without your thing
Sex is boring, without your arms
Whats the magic of a smile, without your charms
How do I wake up, without your alarm
Youre so beautiful its frightening
Your smile hits me like lightning
My pulse is heightening
Youre so beautiful I could faint
Youre the reason why poets dream
And painters paint
These are a womans complaints
I cant wear lace, without your stare
I cant breathe, without your air
Im not happy, when youre not there
Im trying to figure, how to get you out of your underwear
I cant smell heaven, without your hair
I cant light a fire, with your spark
I cant kick you out of the room, without your farts
I cant beat, without your heart
Im not me, without my other part
Talk to me, I feel like Im talking to a wall
Answer me, when I call
How can we fuck, if your dick too small
Do you care about pleasing me, do you care at all
Whats light, without your sight
Whats hate, without your fight
I cant be free, without my rights
I dont know what day it is, without your sunlight

Youre so beautiful its frightening


Your smile hits me like lightning
My pulse is heightening
Youre so beautiful I could faint
Youre the reason why poets dream
And painters paint
These are a womans complaints
Without a shirt, whats your shirt
Who would I cry about, without your hurt
If you cant see my legs
Whats the sense of wearing a long skirt
The eggs are burnt
The shower is too cold
The moon is too old
A million dollars costs less
Your shirt is a mess
I need to be naked and free; Im bothered in this dress
Youre bothering me
Im so depressed
Im out of breath, it feels like death
There is no life with you
Theres no summer sky without your blue
Theres no lies without your truth
Youre so beautiful its frightening
Your smile hits me like lightning
My pulse is heightening
Youre so beautiful I could faint
Youre the reason why poets dream
And painters paint
These are a womans complaints
Laughter is cruel, without your kiss
Birthdays are nothing, without your wish
Cake tastes bad, without you to share it with
I cant fly, without your wind
Without you, I cant sing
I cant dance, without your music
Cream tastes bad, without my tits
Strawberries are gray, and not erotic
Melted chocolate tastes bad, without your lips
They say it wrong, without your lisp
Who else can get you so pissed
Im not me, without your kiss
Who else can turn me from bug to butterfly

Without your magic


Without you, life is so tragic

Solitude
On another night I will wait for you
Stars will open into light. Flowers will dream
Of unfolding. A voice will grow into my body
I will know by morning
On another night I will love you
I will lie in my bed
Where a woman wakes in a skin that is not mine
I will fall between each silence
I will see my own body made of banished air
And I will breathe
On another night I will hurt for you
My eyes will sleep in your eyes
My heart will know the words, but I will not speak
On another night I will desire you
My bones will build light near shadows
Feeling rain
My eyes will bend with the flower
Feeling my heart
I will know why silence comes back to reach me
On another night I will wait for you
But not tonight
Tonight I will lie inside this air
And be forgotten
I will dream of the space of moments
And want only to live between them
My lips will part to speak
This earth will lie before me, a voice
Forever new
On another night I will long for you
But not tonight
Tonight I will break into movement

My loss to match all memory


The hands still in the wind, the body that never says
Goodbye
On another night I will hurt for you
But not tonight
There is ground near a path I walk
And if it is everything
Than it is sometimes smaller than a flower
And I am not one color
To leave
And life is not one breath
To breathe
On another night I will live for you
But not tonight
I came to movement
To lose the stars in wonder, I came into my body
To flow through
What begins, what always begins

If The Answer Is Love


For my parents
she is something he understands, like the dove understands its body
when it is, they move from here
to each other everyday, they move into things. she walks
to a pear that waits for her, made for her
she discovers her hands like truths she did not notice, hands
that know how long to brew tea, how to cook
a healthy meal, hands that know more about the earth than the
eyes know. the eyes guess about colors confusing the grass, a facial expression
that reminds her of hours, the work she is wearing imprinted
on the round of her cheeks, although it is something beautiful
that never speaks, it begins somewhere near his hands.
he is like a man who enjoys sports, who discusses
Jesus, who always has something to fix in the garage
or the yard. at night, the sky distracts the stars
of its hours. the heart works like the moon, changing its shape
in the sky, reaching only some of the kitchen window
we only believe in what happens. sometimes
we remember the winter snow before it falls, sometimes
we live in Mexico all our lives
but we travel to weather in a story and remember
snow happens sometimes, in somebody's life.
that is the way he is. he knows things
he does not reveal. he says things that make
you turn to the window and wonder where it came from
and where does it belong? was it part of the
rain trying to become a flower, was it the flower
reaching for your breath, was it water in Mississippi
waiting to be water in Louisiana, just to be there
against the dreaming part of the skin
where I imagine my hands against the surface of the Gulf
and wonder which part of the sky
I am touching. the story, she traveled from somewhere
just to listen. when you think about it
my mother is silence all day. she does not tell you
how her heart moves into the bread, how her hands
care, why when she finally speaks softly
to my father about a thought she had
about life I am amazed
she held the wisdom in her skin for so long.
maybe she does not hear it
maybe some poems are like my mother
in a picture, nothing tells you where the light is
coming from but I know when I look

it is because the heart does not tell you what is


although my father is by her side
not revealing the secrets of her bones, why when
he speaks and she speaks
they are giving heart to the walls that built
the house, reason to the painting of a butterfly
that now lies near the kitchen table, and joy
to belonging to the bicycle ride to the beach
they take together. i do not know why it moves
inside us and we still ask. the way
they say one of their children looks like another child
i never knew why people did that
or what they were saying
maybe they saw my father's nature
in their eyes, my mother's unsaid beauty. maybe once
she asks him to help her with garden, maybe he wanted to write
it in a letter while he was still in college
and it took 50 years to say everything about how it has been,
his family, memories, the beginning.
maybe the letter asks something about love
he was unsure about.
and she answered again yesterday
while nobody was looking at the silence
move as they rose together then slept
then rose again. it was in the morning oatmeal
she always makes. it was something that he understood
is in everything she touches.

The Moment I Stepped Out of My Destiny


It does not mean to be a tear; the eyes were reaching for colors on canvas
And the heart fell. Let's not call it love, now that we know. Let's not dissect
The molecules of humanity. We kissed and I needed a telescope
To see where you were, you're so much more than the moments. I lost my mind, truly,
Again, I look like smoke. I needed a heart to know it. Can I wear
A short skirt and paint stars on my legs, would it impress you to be
Who I'm not. Yes I changed, so does autumn. Wine to a drunk
It was worse to live under you.
No I don't appreciate a slap, would you do that to your mother? Maybe you would.
I linger in silence and wait for the word that has everybody is in it. Love.
I live under the flowers while you walk. I'm dirty. It was meant to be.
You help me with that.
You love names. I'm life. I have a vagina; you don't have to tell me.
I'll attach myself to your thunder, even if its not fair.
I'll pose. You can sell my breasts but I'm keeping my toes. For freedom.
I still think one day I'll ballet. I'm Miss to your Mister. You missed the point.
We're half of everything. Love is on the other side, waiting to war. That wasn't what
We know. We know too much about love so we avoid it.
The masculine side of me wants to beat you up.
Or maybe that was you talking. Probably. Maybe I'm soft with a stone in my throat.
A geologist may find the voice has been there and lost for millions of years.
We could be a century, but who wants to wait in anything that long.
We're all the same garden
On a different day. Love is alchemy. Love is coffee. No, I'm wrong.
That's what it is to me. Love is not every man to everyone. After the punch
We learn to love ourselves more. Or its closer, only one other can move inside you
And change the architecture of your bones
And we're confused about that. We think we're plastic when we're deep.
I feel numb. Destiny. Domesticity. Marriage.
Its like being a machine. Somebody's telling me what to do.
But the heart always knows
It doesn't want to sell itself. I'm selfish. I won't let you steal me anymore.
I forgot the time again. I thought I was Monet, or way before. You're a lily
For always, the way I pictured it. I'm a piano, you're music. No hands.
Nobody. There's so much silence there. More than we know.
I wonder what it would be like
Without you. I sometimes think I'd be free. I yearned to walk backwards
And move the parts when we touch. My smile is in pencil. I did not want you here.
You did it anyway. Don't bother me while I meditate on what it all means.
Don't start laughing just to be cruel. I haven't got a prayer.
Maybe one. For this to have never happened. To forget it all and start again.
It doesn't. He wants to punish me. Every pride has its banner. I got a poem. You had a
commercial.

Me, I needed
To keep something small, everything else you came in to bruise.
My heart. My mind. My life.
Most of me.
My body may never forgive me for you. I don't need a kiss
Im something else. I'm something of everything we see. So are you. I am at night.
Don't talk to me while I sleep
You haven't been fair to my mind, ever. I walked thousands of years just to speak. I know.
I'm a walnut. I'm a pork chop. I'm wife in the 1500's, God please get me
Out of this prison he built for me. I don't want to be married.
What if he calls me vulgar names?
And insults my intelligence? What if he's always insulting me?
What if he push? And laugh about it. And push again.
What if fate wanted pain and punishment for me, how do I to cope knowing that.
Anger has drum
But its not this drum. This is a long explanation for what lay underneath
I detach. It's not me anymore. I watch myself in a movie in my head.
I saw her crying. I saw the cat on her lap in Florida.
I see it from two hearts written in clouds
In the sky. I thought the moon moved
Once while I was there. Into the past where you never forget.
You win, yeah. You're so powerful. You came in for devastation.
The cracks on the wall. You touch from a sense of power too. I might cry.
Tears may be about all this. You smile. Having control. You count wrongs
And take rule over me by them. Our kiss exiles me. Maybe that is what you desired.
The picture more silent because all of it wasn't there. Not love on this kiss.
That was not love.
It was you.

There Are A Million Sounds In A Song That Did Not Start


The road does not remember us
Anymore or
How we made a wind then or how
We drove through many lives
Until night, talking like we were inside
Each other and almost born on the cool highway
As the air pulled through the window
With a heavy wind that told
Everything about the world at that moment but forgot
To mention the one thing I searched for
As I drove over the bridge
Looking to make distance so close
It would separate my skin from my heart
And know you
I searched inside your lost eyes then
Just to understand the way the light of the moon fell
Over the South Bay as it looked out on everything to find you
And didnt
Envisioning the stars that hung through the sky
Like a language
I knew and lost. That is why dreams seem
To disappear into everything and know you
I asked about your eyes in conversation
With my skin
The slow song on the radio filled the empty car
With somebody else's love
The song could describe it all if bodies that never touch
Move into each other and I become a wind almost
Where your lips should be
I tried to write a poem then
I tried to say it perfectly

About how the body feels


When the heart is an empty wine glass
But the South Bay is too old now to remember what I said
Or to know if God was there then, listening
To a mans touch break my heart again and again
Or the confusion then
Between commercials until I reach
A song on the radio that almost knew what I was thinking
Between moments
And the silence I could hear of waves off the bay
That filled around the parked car and held me, the story
I could imagine about how your face travels
From miles
Just to stare at me from behind my eyes
As I take parts that I remember
About your smile
And fill it in with the spaces between your fingers
Where my hands fit perfectly on your shoulders
As if I am touching a cello
That needs to be touched to work
The past has no distance when I am thinking about it
The world only revealing
Mystery and breath
Between the long pauses of no sound
That lay between your arms
And wait for you to say something
Until I know it was I that spoke for you then
Until I knew I was alone
We were an age then
That should have been new but the story of death is too ancient
In the heart to forget, and this bay

That should have been something that looks like you


Is a poem
I cannot fit in my hands those long hours
The earth moved wanting to change the shape of the moon
And did
I could only think about how it began with love
And later
In the car alone, driving from Babylon and through the stars
To forever I touched
My skin to learn about the difference between our bodies
And sound
When you looked at me once as if your eyes could say something
About staying inside silence
As it held me
Discovering loneliness like it always existed somewhere
Waiting for me
And I would never move on you
All the beauty that is meant to stay
I still look for you
On the road between conversations
I guess death
Meant I was no longer a child
But it was powerlessness only a child knows
And a sleep that still lives
In the moon as she changes her wedding dress
To receive your stare
As she keeps only your eyes
That are so soft they should be sadness
Or like music
Trying to sculpt the heart
Into different landscapes of sky or bay
Or wind

I could hold life between two thoughts


And say I did not die then but I did
For you
I yearned for the moment when I would know joy again
Or color
Or write lines in my mind
That would continue with the sun
The moment you woke nearer to yourself
And knew how beautiful
The world is when you are in it
Listening for the heart to already know
What it never says
Even as I look around
And you are light held against darkness
Wanting to belong to something
Again and again
And you are a peace I should have known after
But I did not
Taking all this time
To figure out why I did not believe
That the sun moved without you
Through China
Through the story that is not about death
But about life and pain and loneliness, something I received from you
So painful
It was unfair
And the road like a long arm without hours
That held me
So close I could die again
Inside that light

And never see


I could die inside that song
And never sing
I know the uninvited sacrifice
Nobody listening
To silence turn with the lost sky
Keeping waves over the bay that never stay long enough
To know forgiveness
(Or your kiss)
Something I needed for myself to cope
Languages we look for in it but do not have
Never knowing why
I wonder
If this was my life to live, or yours
To Walk Away From The Sun
For Nicole Kathleen Donohue
In Mexico I remember how we dreamed
About life even as we were in it
Something in us floating away above the blue sea
Lost within a million birds over water
And how we escaped
Into dreams or flight or fruits or our laughter, sky full with light
We waited for the sun to become itself over the deep beach
That morning and reach for us
I waited for the sun to stop somewhere and rest, speak
About the loss of our bodies
When we move away from it
And darkness fills every corner
We were older than the sun by then
Older than this secret life
That moves things from one side
Of the world to the other, from

The sun to the flower, from colors


To our eyes and how the sun
Was a painter changing everything
Into colors
At every moment your face and hands, flowers, faith, fruits, belief, religion
I think of the magic of it
The story of us and how we walked here
Or how beauty can become your skin
Without ever touching it
Even as they dont agree
The sun so creative
We thought truth lived inside what they say
Somewhere changing
Us, but I do not believe what they say
Lives inside us
I believe law lives inside us
Knowing who we are
When we are good, giving, kind, loving, generous
We are happy
When we lie, we cheat, we steal, we hurt
We are unhappy because we lost ourselves
And we forgot who we are
Law is a sort of tolerance we have for our own actions
And evil is sort of justice
We give to ourselves
When we lost true love
But evil is not just
Darkness and light are the motions of the world
Why am I telling you this?
I see now that God is a creative expression of love
That everything in the world
Is love, love nurtured or love neglected,
The abandoned and the protected
Even in war, the worst evil known to man, there is love

But the problem is there is love for only one thing


But, even war is a sort of love
And if everything is love, everything can be forgiven
But I fear, I have not been forgiven
And he has not been forgiven
I live somewhere where if he is condemned
I am condemned
If he is jailed
I am jailed
If he is happy
I am happy
If he is in love
I am in love
And yet we never meet
I think of God in the rain, letting go
Reaching for us where we cant reach him, lonelier
Than something that can not be seen like lost rain
Falling just to touch you if only
For a moment, reaching for us, touching, coming down
Just to answer a prayer. You stood beside me
Becoming someone I feared I might forget
In rain but I was wrong
The sun gets lost on your face
And lives on somewhere without the memory of us
Or our pain, or our struggle,
Or our cry
Asking what appears everywhere
To be forgotten for a moment
So that we can be at peace
Some sort of forgiveness
The sun gives to us everyday
Shining on love and war,
Shining on truth and lies,
Shining on mistakes and goodness
Shining on what we ignore and what we give
Shining on us
And becoming us
As we try to be still
And we seemed to be on two sides of light
But, maybe we werent

Maybe we all were among it


And we cant walk away from the sun
We were so small in the landscape
We could have been alone within the salts
In the sea
A passageway to what goes on without us
These images of the young
We carry everywhere, innocence
Lost, wounded in
Mystery and regret
Nikki,
I wanted to tell you I was sorry
Apologize for my mental illness
And what it has done to the family
But I guessed we walk to the sea
To feel human beside it
And I couldnt say it
What I needed to
Then
I want you to be still for a moment
As if you were
Alone in your own dream, the dream
Moving the sea, the dream
Changing the colors of fruits,
The dream changing your body
From love
Into a lost womans body, the flowers identities
Lost
In the dark as the sun walks away from us
Where nothing is found
Not even silence
Or memory
Or pain
Or blame
The sun
Waiting to flower
Again inside you

I wanted to wait for you


There
Where we forget reasons, or pain,
Or the mistakes
For a moment
Where even in the most forgotten time
You smile honestly and
Your innocence is the only known life
In the world
Where the world can
Somehow still touch
The innocence in you
How hard it is
To walk away from the sun
I would not think differently of you
If just once the sun
Stepped out of your skin to
Disclose everything we know about silence
The voice, your own voice
Loud, powerful, loving,
Born again
Breaking into everything

There Is A Rose In A Thorn


It will take me a year to get this messy heart to fit in my body
And three seconds to forget. I do not know your name
But I am holding your story like it was a part of my toes
A part I often misplace when I am walking to work wondering
Why inside of me there is a muscle that turns and I move
Into a lost space where once someone stood without weeping
And forgot their bones as they moved into me past
Three miles away. You left the taste of breakfast on your lips, maybe
That is why I can still taste the maple syrup candies
I read about in an old novel. Or an ocean that still remembers
The details of your face. If you spoke someone should have captured the dialogue
And made it into a song so that we could all remember the way
The heart stops at those moments and doesnt die
Because it enters a world without need; the heart already believing
It has done everything there is left before it finds itself again
Eating a chocolate bar. That you were enough
To keep the sunshine that day, the wind wanting to kiss you so bad
It traveled from Canada to New York City just to be background music
To your lips. Im sure you have no idea
How beautiful you are when youre nervous because when you see the moon
You no longer see the sun that reveals her. The sad moon
Forgetting part of himself just to smile.
Invisible love. Invisible, invisible love. Everything is here but I am looking
For words I have not spoken yet. Im looking for a flower
That looks like a rose because it is a rose
But it is not in my backyard because its winter now
So beautiful I wanted to guess
About beauty so that fear would not take all her meaning before the return of spring.
You know sometimes I want to believe in things as bad
As the t-shirt advertisement in Times Square wants to be
A part of your shoulders as we walk. Maybe we do not move around
Asking summer to be faithful to time but it is. I want to hide in your ear
And guess where I am when I do not feel alone. That is why
I wrote this poem. I am looking out my window
Looking to discover something to be asked about
In art but I read too many newspaper articles to know tragedy and wanted something else
Something more complete and imagined like the heart bleeding in a song,
Something that continues in someones eyes even as
We are not searching there for the pearl. Life is just a story we forgot
So we wrote something else about love, something we wanted to begin with again
Something that wanted to move with you down the street, walking into the lost shadow
Of my dreams, humming a song funny and off key, the lost guitar in your hips as you
stride
Magically controlling the air

Making everything dance as you pass. We are


Like the ocean because the ocean never knows where it starts and I dont begin
I am in my body needing to be water on your lips
Saying loss only is my soul-mate as I forget the words to our song
And do not see how anything could change the past. I want to recognize
The conversation before we do not have it. I want to love poetry before I know about it
And one day believe I have been found;
I want to hypothesize myself with flowers.
I want a tide of breath that believes there are wings
Somewhere waiting for me to wonder
Why birds write script in the sky in Costa Rica in a language I dont speak
And a world I will never
Understand because it just means it is a good part of life
And everyone knows how to smile. I love that enough to imagine
That Im myself, not a bird enough to take their grace.
I wanted to know
Silence so I waited for you to speak. There are languages
Without origins, you as rare as love between two enemies
There are times we do not move to be understood
By our shoes because we change them. It stops me so that I may look
For a moment on a day without complaint and change my clothes
We live in the same light borrowed
From yesterday. In a thousand years
Maybe once a moment will move you to wonder
At things as familiar and brilliant as those
That cannot be blind to your lips, although it is as far as
Tomorrow if I am not near the Mediterranean Ocean. Someone may take these words
Then and make them something else. But it never found me here. Love found
Me here. The length of his breath left me
To ask about it and never know. Time was my skin
I took it and made
A seashell. And I loved a poem from that far away
That I reached out and something carried in the blue without me
Something like you in love.
Your body was a guitar before there was ever music
I wrote some lyrics so that I may blend in with you, but I dont know that we will.
I saw you
And wanted to paint. I did not know how to dance and I danced.
Time finds me that way and I do not search anymore for hope. I wish you find moments
That mean more than the hour they break. And love is underneath
Everything you touch. I hope you do not stop dreaming
Because that would mean I have stopped too.
I am still looking for a line
On your face that is so delicate I will never find it. You are reason
Returned. You there on your nose,
Me here on the crease under your lips. Im waiting to not recognize you anymore

Because you change like the sky. Im waiting for you there
Where we become more like ourselves. We fight
Like ocean and land belong to their own arguments. My
Heart still wanted to hear it self transform. Hear something move.
To you that will never read this, maybe we came close
To everything and touched silence for a second, and saw a place in silence to begin
Where the sun meets the night
And the stars are finally found.

Before The Heart, The Image


I am taking you here where I can see you. I guess if
I could touch just one moment it might feel like a
moment. There are so many things here that remind me
that this is forever. Hands move where there should be
rain, eyes drift and then there is cold air that
should be your skin, my bones. You still walk around
with your name. I still breathe out every time you
sneeze. I will not say that this is memory. When you
stand the sun rises near sky, something fades
naturally in my heart and I know how these images curl
into the knot of night or how sleep moves from my skin
and into your eyes. Most days I have forgotten my body
or the season. The hour turns inside your voice, I
don't want to listen. You say it anyway. You move
through the story collecting pieces, loss, and there
is always a wind. There is always a wind.
I wanted to talk about Nebraska because without
knowing how land rolls further than the eyes I could
pretend that that is a kind of peace that carries
memories from moments to silence. Maybe there I'll put
my heart in the air. Everything transparent drifts,
flowers somewhere and sky. You'll breathe in the
aftertaste of fresh salts, the scent of the ocean on
the skin. I'll say I came here because the stars
are new, because we begin at 35 or in the afternoon
somewhere. It snowed over a lake but I don't know
about it. The weather knows more than me. I think we
were caught dreaming once. I don't walk down Lark
Street. That was many years before and I'm still
wearing the same socks. I think I gave my thoughts to
a flower. I could never speak that way but dreams come
close to knowing it is winter. The air is getting
cooler and the nights are long. You don't know how it
feels.
When I look I see lips, face. The fingers part. The
heart beats under the chest. There is no one here that
leaves your memory. I am close to understanding. There
is distance even as it loves and confuses, and then we
talk about rain somewhere under the stars. I thought
about something simpler like music. The long cello and
then there is the walk away. I know my heart bleeds,
breath and then I have not talked to anyone.
Nothing here leaves without a shadow. Near that I
know nothing exists without light. I have not seen

myself. Some parts are never free, in the past, the


invisible thread, by the mirror. I was not the girl
with the hands, the heart, the story. You lean in and
the world turns, air spreads forgivingly, like it
always does. I don't know, something carries, neither
side without light. You were right. I can not lift the
wind like a bird. Maybe that is why I am alive. You
wanted a smile. Sometimes I only know I lost my mind
to this. You have an opinion. I do not know enough to
believe. I know light never sets. There was sky. The
day faded and I slept.
I can describe you. There are lips where your heart
should be. You have another cheek and bone, same eyes,
smell of green. Your room is summer without a scent,
clear and undiscovered. You carry that sky with you
all day around the sand; there is no sense of the
ocean, just the sleepy lull of waves calling. I am here in
February, my hands. I once thought a wish was rain. It
moved today but that is how things speak I guess.
Every moment dreams drift over the day. You are a word with
a blanket around your body. I am lost in what you
could be. I am lost in a piece of it. I should be
leaving through my yesterdays, the wheels on the road
without a key. You know I walked from here to March,
the wind swept and the sun rose and slept that day
like it does even when I am not there. I was wishing
that time knew how the cells under the skin feel
without the wind, without a home. Some things stay
because they have not been born. We search only to
figure tomorrow, the air there and the same breeze.
You are still until just moments, your face in his.
Your eyes are as they have always been. You bring with
you more air, something found, a reason.
The story is my opposite. Everyday I walk around
like a stranger to the leaves. I do not want you to
know where the mind sinks, how I put myself in every
fiction, how I turn. There is only this space, the
other body. We meet and part. I keep what is lost.
There must be a name without Nebraska. I missed the
crease of the sun and the cloud there. We see the body
before it is found. We walk that way and never ask. I
wonder. You have hands. Could you hold moments without
everything in them? Could you be just be your heart,
the voice I have memorized, the sound that I don't
know about?

I Cannot Remember
I cannot remember the woman's name. It is a story, an old love story where I think years
separate into black and white, rivers resemble tears we hoped for but never came. Time
cannot even explain how far she has traveled, or if the story were real or imagined. I do
not know who told it, if it was the old letters or the wind taking her lips. She who did not
speak his language. The battle between the men and then the one who was wounded,
found by the river and then lifted by her. The weight of his body, heavier with loss. The
skin that held it, pale as sand. And her strength, as strong as any man. The movements
like a dream to him, his flesh responding to the differences, pain and her soft touch.
Smoky images everywhere. She who knew about love because it was a bird in her chest,
because it was in her hand, in the stillness when his eyes turned the forgotten color of sky
as it moved from day to day. She was his enemy. If her father saw him, he might kill him,
so she hid him, hid him in the forest and with the desires only she knew about. They
didnt speak the same language, so much silence. Another language were not used to.
The language of touch; the language of the eyes. Maybe she knew the wound before she
reached out to heal it, the beat in the heart touching more than the skin could. There is a
picture in my mind. She holds a glass of water to his lips and he looks at her with all the
emptiness of light, still feeling the pain of broken things. He was so handsome and so
white, as white as a cloud. It was strange, the color of his pale eyes and skin. Strange but
beautiful. Months pass and they learn to speak, first with facial expressions and hands,
then a word about the food, the natural offerings of the land, their families. They forgot
the other's face even as they reached out, his was like loneliness to her, hers was like
sleep to him, without the comfort. Their bodies forgot the smile, the hurt that does not cry
out now, the love that does not yield, memorizing the color in the eyes that does at those
moments. The touch between them and its silent word. What can I say about something
that only the heart speaks when I do not know what it says between two strangers that
reach out to understand and lose. Maybe that silence was the only thing that belonged to
them. A betrayal, another battle and then he flees. She was told he was dead. All those
years she may have wondered about the encounter with the strange man, or how his voice
or the picture she had of him looking out to the endless river with eyes that held just a
moment of peace in all this war, did not die in her. She stood on that same river bank
years later, entered the boat and crossed onto an earth that almost changed as she touched
it, no flowers then flowers and colors, or was it a change in something else, another kind
of movement, a story that does not know itself twenty years later when she sees him, and
touch hands silently, and they part. The war between them taking up more space then the
heart that wants to deny it. Her eyes were the only peace he ever knew, his face was her
only love. And love was forbidden in their world.
I cannot remember the woman's name.

And Then They Broke Into Song


You say that there is an ocean, then a bone
I read it like a sad novel between your skin and
Greek architecture
Too lost in what the lobes of your ears
Said about my hands, too lost in the gravity of water
To know why your back is a night of waves
And the floating moon
Is a word we reach for but always lose
You say that there is the arc of the foot, then a stone
I thought you were the thousand-year walk
From light to Jupiter. I thought
There was a reason why the heart does not speak
With names, why the eyes do not
Build a home by your eyes. I thought I was the woman who could not forget
The move of air into morning, without the way loss absorbs
Your lips when you are silent, once without silence
You say that there is a man, then a home
I thought I was the woman in my bedroom
And the man came out only at drunken hours of midnight
When I could not remember the structure of my body
Or his face, I thought he never spoke though he took me,
I thought it was an element
Of nature or fire, how the cry continues when I am alone,
I thought that it was not true desire
To be taken

I Love You, Your Lying


You can have the dress of ocean
A shower of sweet Sunday and perfume when I am under my
skin
Waiting to arrive between each wave of red
Voice, each beginning
Fortress
Each finger tip of sand
Beyond winds that paint your eyes
Like fractured flames
Of liquid, liquid bells everywhere. You can have a meadow
made of ovals
And find a perfect silence in everything
That loses moonlight as gracefully
As a breakfast street doing the chorus
Of everything
Alive. I don't move for
The sleep between your toes. I don't move into lipstick
And ask for quiet. A ballet is like a body
That has no answer, swirl of raspberry clouds
And lemonade, the hands
Suggest an orchid somewhere between the sunrise and
The eyes remember without passion's scarf
While the hips are traveling
The stars above Santa Fe without me a river moves
On the curve of your nose and
I know sometimes the wind there makes things small and
beautiful. You can have the concrete and wheel while my
heart is turning
Becoming something crystal
If your lips are
The weight of water, your lips may empty with promises and
bands you wont keep.
You can have everything that starts
Before height could be imagined. Chase a firefly
In the summer heat, it is a better candidate for light
And romance than me locked. I am more lonely
Than a sad guitar over a lost landscape and farther
Than a million,
I am almost everything when I do not speak, and then
I paint my nails
The color of every flower and every rain
And I am a skirt without a thought. I am less beautiful because
I speak in a kiss then kiss, more condemned

To melt into your body like fire on a book


Or something that we thought was never there when we
thought of it but it was
No, do not tell me about whispers in Paris
That meant more than what we could have said every night
Since then, I am a rule you have not found in circumference
And then I change
But
Listen - listen - I am more condemned because where you get
hungry
I give birth to the hand that stones me
Men
And I meant to say something
But I was saying nothing at all
I am a calendar without a date and skin
When I come home to bleed
I just suffer Eves condemnation and dont die
You know
Only a woman bleeds
And does not die
I am not my thighs last month because you thought
Oranges and something perfect were before everything
I could not be. I do not stand
Underneath every need as nothing
I do not ask for eyes when I am motion
You can have the earth as drops
Of dew on the dictionary and never find the real reason why
My mother is more beautiful
Than the law of wings. You can write an easy letter
To space when I am the floor and the reason. You can
have the stars as they become
Just a new flower
On a new day
In a season that deserves more than the confession and
maybe light
After the glass half empty
Because I did not smile when you slapped my ass
And painted a veil on my face
This begins long before the signature and split in the rock
Something we should have thought about
Years before we first saw
The sky dip
From a thousand years away
Just to touch your face. You can have purple, I'll give
you purple
You can have your heart without my tears

And purpose
Just do not speak my thoughts of dread
Do not tell them where the hold comes from
In your grip, why so much gravity. Do not tell them where I left
your heat and bread
I am taking my mascara and calling it gold
I am taking my jeans
And wrapping them around disarray, I am talking with my
sisters
Because they are more beautiful
Than blue jays
In a 6am sun. I am taking my life
From each of your words and writing this truth
On red teeth that bite
You are glued to my skin like something
I do not want to come home to. Let me walk without dinner
made
Through the city
Let me be lost wild and alone. Do not follow me with your story
And your lying serenades
Do not chase me down like a jailor with your lightning, your name.

Heaven for Butterflies


Inspired by my father who told me that butterflies have such a short life; butterflies only
fly for a little while in summer and then they die.
It is autumn now and the butterflies have gone
To their eternal beds, though I think about the small imagined
Wing of things and this amazing silence that weeps
Like a million violins of light in the probable room
Of the moon, this wind that brings yesterdays
Strange nakedness and walks through
The future years we have inherited, that the world
Awakens in a depth tomorrow morning and we
Remember how today we kissed old age like memorable music
And walked away inspired and full of hunger still
Our bodies always pulled to the morning
We woke up strange as if we never lived here before
The way butterflies do not dream when they motion
Into the forgotten wind, the way the beautiful flame
Of their bodies
Sleep privately in the broken blue air, not thinking, simply flying
The night we could not sleep we talked
About still things and dreams like summer butterflies
The way our lips met the rising winds and then left
Floating like secrets over the houses and the gardens
How heaven was sent to us as a vision of sky
For a moment and all we could see was this perfect silence
This space in the future our love could fill
The warm flesh of heart still beating, anticipating
I knew then that love was still promised tomorrow
Tonight was enough.

Remember the Time


Birds flying high you know how I feel, Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel. It's a new dawn. It's a new day.
It's a new life for me, and I'm feeling good
- Nina Simone
There would be a song
In my head
She would know by heart
Because she would know it too
How music at times was all we had
How at times we could find
Our bodies
Just lying there
Alone under the stars
Wondering about the era
Where seasons go when they pass
Without time
Or we would think about dreams
And how dreams somehow
Inspire the spirit
To see tonight
As a sort of promise
Or a mirror of what we were
Body or soul
How memory celebrates the sister,
The mother, the aunt,
The cousin, the daughter
Whatever
The moon was at the time
It was changing
Into her
The always born
A breath of black light
A picture at times pale
And sad
If I remember her in a song
The way sound
At times remembers the voice
It was the way she carried
The crowd
Sang along
To the rhythm of her
Emotion
There was the silence
That struck me
As beautiful
The way it at times
Surrounded her
But no one there

Could hear its great purr


Reach out
And light the strings
Of a band
There was no reason
In her song
She was always pure
Somewhere else in the world
Tapping her foot
Knowing how beats
Sometimes enchant
Even the lost body
And love for a woman
Was always about
Her signature
In the night
Maybe you were there
And you did not see her
How the stage or her house captured
Her for moment
And her voice was a sort of soul
For what was weak in me
How I found her once
When I was alone
How I remembered
The poetry the song
The gifted music
When dream becomes dream
And then dream
Maybe she was singing
Maybe she was at a typewriter
Drawing words
From paintings
How she remembered
The time
When life was possible
And this night sky
That took the dreams
She would never speak of
To feel the body
And view it like it was made
Human, at times hopeful
At times unsure
At times unpredictable
Always a woman
Life would always
Misinterpret her
Pull her between
A kiss of blue wind
Or a relationship she secretly
Had with the ocean
As a child
If I remember the time
I remember the history

Of the roses
How life began
In a simple touch
A certain kind of desire
For life
That pulled us to who we are
A walking moon
In the night
Always alone
Searching for her forgotten lover
A place to belong
Near the garden beds
And the words we sang
While we were alive
We were women
With this night
As a stage and an entrance
Her song her words
They were given
As small miracles
Maybe you did not see her
When she would walk
Still through the night
Thinking about time
And where her dreams
Would lead her
Saying
Silence is what is we keep
For ourselves
When life has taken from us
Everything else

My Army of Wild Cats


I must forget the rhythm that
Seduces me with shadows
I must forget as woman
That the music you found was forever the hand
I must forget
How your heart lived in your eyes
How I could see sound take
Shape in the wind
And it was forever
The deep color of soul
I must forget that
I am a kind of death
Walking through
Waves made of no ocean
As a woman I must forget
How once I loved untouched snow
Because it was forbidden
To me
The kind that lives in Burlington
Lost to the world
That looks for it
As a woman I must forget
My body
Leave it where the
Moon never sleeps
And the sun never rises
As a woman
I must forget your breath
How even in sleep
You were reaching for me
Waiting for a nude world to turn
To
I must I must
I must never remember the gift
The kissing
The time when you held
Me without hands
And I smiled
Because that was as honest
As I could be
I must forget my weakness
How time changes the one who creates voices
It is only in dreams
That I see love
I must forget this

Go against it for the sake


The worlds plan for me
I saw life once
A kind of light burning
Off the earth
It reminded of you
The way a man looks
Left vulnerable in a world
That has abandoned him
I am at lifes mercy
Its promise that
Those things
One day will return to shape
There is a promise that
You exist
Somewhere in this air
I know youre kissing my temple
Youre telling me
That life is a kind of memory
We have never found
But keep looking, you say
Keep looking
You were the picture I painted
Come out to greet
My body
Tell something in me
That part was beautiful
The one we never saw
The one we never touched
But we knew it was there
Smiling on our faces
We knew
In time
We were one broken
Now the roses are telling me to go
Hold onto
The sweet light
That shares no misery
I must as a woman forget it
That happiness
Was so pure
It was made of rain
On a dark night
When you listened
I must as woman forget this and that
That I saw you once

Not in a dream not in hope


But in the only thing that is real
You were walking
Beside me
The air parted and
Life looked like a crystal lake
So peaceful
I could not bear to touch it
I could not speak about my heart
Because it was not there
It was in you
The music was in you

A Nation of Lovers
You know it was a wing
The summer everything there
But we thought something was missing
I was convinced that the earth
Loved me more
And I wanted to be buried
And return as a rose
For the calling
You know it was the blue
The whole summer was blue
And if we smiled at it
It might smile back
Tell us, yes it was strange
But also it was perfect
In its eye
The romance was there
But we forgot it
We were watching the sea
Curl and turn
So amazed that it couldnt take us
Unless we gave ourselves to it
You know it was a wing
Blue with air
And a lost moon
And where were we
But inside each other
Still mad about yesterday
And blind futures
Still wondering where the hell we were
Were we really here?
Who knew anything but that
The crowd blessed us somehow
And we were so alone
We were always alone
Praying to God
That one day he would believe
In us enough
To know what life really meant
We never did figure it out really
We just kept walking
Picking things up
Along the way because nothing
Really felt like ours
Your arms, maybe

Maybe it was only your arms


Holding me that was the truth
I believed in it
And said to life
That is something beautiful I could recognize
You would be willing to move mountains
And I laughed quietly
Knowing where a mans strength lives
Who was that creature?
That walked in and started breaking
Things just to show how it could be mended
Where did time go
When we lost it?
I was still there
With my head down and my hands free
You had your answer
And your silence
And I was the woman
The echo
That answered it
Truth is what was amazing
Was how the earth
Moved
I never expected another day
But yes, yes that pink dawn
Was created for us
More beautiful as it revealed itself
I liked you most naked
I liked to find you there
Waiting for me
Like the sun
When I opened my eyes
Everything about you was a great unknown
I never knew what time it was
When I focused it on the arc of your body
And I didnt care to believe
I just knew that
This world was
Made for us
This nation of lovers
And this moon
That promises to keep our secrets
Yes we were crazy
But who wouldnt be
Here or there
Distance was patient

And we knew it well


Everybody wanted
To feel their bodies again
To remember themselves
In their lovers eyes
Everybody wanted
A good fuck to hold onto
When we could not
Hold onto anything
It was the softness
The private kissing
And then later
It was the desire for it again
That people wanted to move into
It was desire
That kept us young, searching
I never got tired of your body
It was always new to me
We were always closer
And growing towards
This light
Or this darkness
I didnt care as long
As you were walking with me
Who could see what was true anyway?
When nothing was ever
Forbidden
Yes it was a garden
You were there
And we knew it was something given to us
But we did not speak about it
I liked to look at your lips
I liked to think your face
Got serious
At times
But you were always gentle
And I was always pushing
I was sorry
So I let my hands talk
You never did have borders
Your soul was always open
And thats what I liked about you
That you never did

My I Hate Men Who Call Women Ugly Poem


Ive Been found

Underneath this ugly face


This cruel smile
This unspeakable name
I believe him
Pain
This curse
Of a body
This womans shame
Like a diamond hidden in the darkest cave
Where even the moon hides
Scared
Of those crooked eyes
That lie
I reach out from the inside
For the first time

Walking there
He can feel his heart
Beat
For the first time
Like its the only thing in the world
He has
To share
In defeat
And a numb mind
Telling himself
Hes ready
When he knows he can never be
Ive waited my whole life
For this moment

Kristie
To be free
Everything Ive ever done
The future I have seen
Was because of this
If you believe
In a vision bliss
We could free ourselves
With just a kiss
Kristie
Everything comes to this moment
To be free
When he looks around and
He sees nobody
Because nobody sees him
Invisibly
He reaches out
From something within
Touching his strange body
That once
Brought no release
He prays
To himself
For some kind of peace
In this kind of hell
But he knows
He knows too well
To know her
Is to tell a secret
Nobody will tell

Walking there she


Hears their mean laughter

She knows their cruel stare


Blind to not see
What he really there
In me
If seeing meant what it meant
To be marked dark child, born disgraced
By my mother
And ugly

Didnt my mother know


When she made me
That I would never be free
That I would be hated
Naked
That I would be so ugly
So I let him
Touch my sick body
But not touch anything within
And I left him
Like he left me
With nothing
And the memory of me
In my evil touch
I wanted him to know
What the world had done to me
I didnt care
I wasnt sorry
Yes
I left him nothing
Not even an apology
Didnt my mother see
What this world
Would

Do to me
I screamed a cry
That nobody heard
Because
There is so much more than what we mean
In a word
As I walk there
I guess she never cared
I say to myself
Scared
And angry
Through their mean stares
Walk at an unapproachable pace
Haunted by the shame
Of my mothers ugly face

To want it
But I dont reach
Too scared of the word
I know they dare to speak
Whore
As they slap me
For him
Demanding an apology
For his sin
The body under him
To never be
As they walk over
And slap me
But deep down I know
What theyll never know
Or see
That they are more ugly

Than I will ever be


As I look at my twisted face
My body torn, unbalanced,
And disgraced
My whole life
Such a waste
To live like this
Such a shame
Because of a kiss
A woman to blame
He guiltless
Taken lost because of an ugly face
A kiss
Unforgiveness
And a man of lost grace
They say even when we cant remember
We do
And I believe it too
Because my body still shakes with fright
When Im faced
With a man who is not you
But is still you
And nobody in this world will speak for her
But I will
As I walk there
Through their hateful chants
And wicked stares
I know they really believe
I am the one who is to blame evil
Fate
But they have been deceived
By my dark face
My weakness

And their blinding hate


As I walk there
To my fate
Its like asking what has never been
To be
I screamed
To see a diamond
In something that was never made to be seen
Free to us
As the stars
On a dark night
We forget
And yet
I sense a voice smothered, another kind of light
From
Inside of me
Wanting to break free
Held down
By the might
And darkness
Of his body

As he walks there
Nobody stares
Because hes an invisible man
Invisible in his guiltlessness
And in everything we cant see
Yet they think when they look
They see that Im ugly
They think they see me
And not his forgotten body
Where he touched me once
Blindly

As I walk there
I know the charging glare
Of the sun
When it exposes
This sin
To everyone
As I walk there naked
I know the tragic irony of death
That it will come as a friend
To give some rest
To a shattered soul that never wanted to live long enough
To see
The destruction me
Of getting old
With him
The jailor
And the sin
And how can you be sure
That what you cant see is not there
When you too are caught now
In the air
Now to fear
And you follow me here
To my destiny
As I walk there
With everybody
With no hope that any of us will ever be free

As I walk there
I want you to see
The sores he left
All over my body
In every spot that he touched me

As I walk there
I want you to see
What your God of beauty
Has done to me
When he made me ugly
How he did it from the inside
Because inside
Is where your treasure lies
The diamond
In the cry
Are you afraid
Really afraid
That what you see in me
You have in you?
Are you scared
Of what it means to you
To lose?
Are you afraid to face
What is true?
Or is it me to you
I ask myself
Is what they think
Really true to be
Am I really this ugly?
As I walk there with the enemy
Man
Warring inside of me
As we walk there
We rage their fight
We storm their stares
We build her light
As we walk there
In the tainted air

Head down
Shoulders slumped
Going nowhere
As we walk there

The touch is gross


And dirty
The kiss disgusts me
This ugly face you see me wear
Is my armor
To protect me
From his charging undressing stare
From his touch
As I walk there
His lust

I hate men now


And I was scared then
I just cant stand them
I just cant pretend
I think they have destroyed this world
And me
With their Egos
And their pride
Their property
Their slavery
Their wicked kiss
Their emptiness and
Their world
On their side
Their silent smiling pretty girls
That hide If this world ends
It will be because of the design of men

I say when
I lived my life
Just wanting to be loved by
Them
And they laughed
Meanly in my ugly face
A kiss a war
In a whores ugly place
In the world
I was just a young girl and naive
To what happens to the evil sex
In their minds
Many others have been deceived
To something
They are too blind to find
To say
This is MY body
Not yours
To abuse and use just once
Like a drunk whore
With nothing to wear
Nothing to cover the scars
As they undress me uncare
As we walk there
Walk to be free
He stays invisible
Among the unguilty
Her tragedy
As we walk there
The world is turned around
With a silent sound
Time calls
The sky to a dark deep renowned

Because it is only in darkness


That stars can be found
And as I walk there
I am found
Too
Him
Inside of you
As we walk together through disgrace
Beaten down
Because of an ugly face
Only he can see
When another man
Writes me a letter
Just to tell me
Im so pretty
But it still doesn't free me And who is right
Who is really ugly
Is it me
Or what is inside him
He sees
As we walk there looking for something
That could set us all free
But well never be free
So just let me hold you now
Its okay
Theres nothing I can say
To take it away
But be careful
Some men are animals with no feelings
And no love no ears and no eyes
Ive been there
Its been centuries
And he'll never hear your cries

I walked
Through his air
I've flown in his sky Be careful
My diamonds
She made it so that only the special will find them
To be
Even when
Its standing right in front of him and me
The only one in the world
Who can see
Whats really there among the ugly
To rule out
The ones who do not know
What true love is
Like a diamond in the sky
When we're all on the ground
A diamond
That has finally been found
I've been found
In true love
In me
When I see the invisible
What nobody can see
And we
Shall get our reward

Art
I was whole
You shattered
I became the small letting go
You are the known sky
I became all those things

We possess
You were unspoken
You are everything that is
not yours
I am everything that is
not mine
I am the vanish, the close of a moment
You became the belief, the first spring
Carried in your hands
The best part of you is lost
You became the rain
I am the bed of earth
Nothing contained
Our body
Nothing was so naked
I am the end
You became the story
You became the pass through time
Me, the faith
Even as I move
You are the flower
On my grave

Jesus
I died a thousand deaths, and never left my eyes
There's one breath in a thousand breaths that knows what that is like
I've seen men take another man for money
I've seen wars take a thousand lives, I've seen eyes that dreamt of electricity
And I've seen that light light a thousand rooms a thousand times
Ive seen people lose all their dreams
Life changes what we once believed
I know inequality; I've traveled in the space between two sides
I know what it is like to really cry
While you cried, I was inside you
Crying too
We were so close
You were tears for two
I was almost your eyes
My sisters and brother look like the dream of my mother
Our flesh was built by my fathers hands
In our house love stayed under any pain we could never understand
She said once that she is only as happy
As her saddest child, he accepts and loves me through everything
I am. Sometimes I believe I only know what love is
Because of them.
Sometimes I don't know what love can do
Sometimes I've seen what it can
Sometimes love writes only half of this letter to you
So when you're lost and alone, you know where I am
In your heart, I'm some kind of music inside you
So if I ask you, maybe you'll please accept this dance
I'm the part of you that encourages when you decide
What you want with your life, I'm always listening
I sometimes believe in the fight, I sometimes believe in romance
When you're sad, I'm sad too
I know what it is like to really cry
While you cried I was inside you
Crying too
We were so close
You were tears for two
I was almost your eyes
I've seen women sell their bodies on the streets
I've seen starving children that need to eat
I've seen people sleep out in the cold
Others who lost jobs, women who never feel safe at home

I've met many thieves, poverty and deceit


Life changes what we once believed
I thought of like when youre dying in a war
Hes beside you dying too
Hes falling in love with a whore
That disgusts you
When youre sick, he comes to you as a sick man
Just be near you
Hes the friend
That listens
He the star that glistens
When youre addicted
He carries you off the street
When there are no more seats on the bus
He gives his seat
He comes as the bum on the street
To see what you will do
He comes as a starving child that needs to eat
To see if youll give her food
He comes as a man who cant afford shoes for his feet
And hes the richest man in the world
He comes as a Black man
He comes as a little girl
Hes comes to take you home
To tell you, life is hard, I dont promise
It will be easy, but you dont have to do it alone
Youre not alone
Pray

A Bird Flew Out Of My Heart


When you find the person you love, an act of ancient recognition brings you together. It is
as if millions of years before the silence of nature broke, your lovers clay and your clay
lay side by side. Then in the turning of seasons, your one clay divided and separated. You
began to rise as distinct clay forms, each housing a different individuality and destiny.
Without even knowing it, your secret memory mourned the loss of each other. While your
clay selves wandered for thousands of years through the universe, your longing for each
other never faded.
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic wisdom by John ODonohue
Anam Cara is Celtic for a soul friend
The ancient stories used to put the creation of man into a golden age and a beautiful,
legendary landscape. If I were telling the story of Genesis now, I should be standing in
the Garden Of Eden. But, this is manifestly not the Garden of Eden. And yet Im at the
navel of the world, at the birthplace of man, here in the East African Rift Valley, near the
equator.
-The Ascent Of Man, J. Bronowski
It happened millions of years ago
In Sub-Sahara Africa. The air was so hot the heat took millions of changing shapes
Of dreams in the wind, giving the flowers around you wings
When they danced, giving the lake memory,
Making your skin appear like a rare shimmering jewel or something that made
Sense among all this silence
You dipped your hands in the lake
And drank. Truth is: I have only seen flowers do what your face did with water
You must have put your scent in the fruit trees
Because as I looked around the lake, parts seemed to reach for you
And your lost heart, lost just moments before
As you moved into things, you seemed to be in everything somehow
And yet you were more alone than anything I have ever seen
Everything reached and was lost
Even the sun reached for you, but
Could only touch a part that never stays long enough to see it
Even the sun reached but could not find you as you stood there
Looking so peaceful and so alone
Among all that broken silence, even the flowers
Had something to say about beauty here, even the flowers had something to
Say about you
As you moved by them
I guessed you looked exactly as you should have looked
In all that broken weather
You looked like King to the grass, King to the lake,

King to the trees


You looked just as I thought you would look when I really saw you
And I knew for that moment that
The past is so omnipotent that
The past has more power than we do
There we were alone among salt
And light,
You looking so familiar to me I wait for you everyday to move
But you didnt
Or you are so familiar I dont
Look for your beauty when you are gone
Like the moon because we miss something
We miss seeing the meaning all around us
The poetry that fills our lives everyday
And I thought about starfish
When I thought about you
Even the clouds above you that crowned your hair
Through the light blue sky
And the wet clay under your feet touching your skin seemed not to know
Who you were
Because you transformed every moment
With a carefree playful movement of your strong arms
Or with a soft fit of laughter when you remembered her
Your wife
Now gone
And so alone in death like the moon
Or the sun
And it was as if I heard my heart just once throughout my life
And it was inside you. The sun poured gold light over your face
And I have never seen light desire the skin as much as that light
Wanted to be a part of your dark skin or
I have never seen light want to slide down your nose so much
That it waited millions of years just to kiss your lips, becoming
Time or a page between two bodies. It was the first time I thought I wanted to
Dance but couldnt. It was the first time I thought I heard music
Coming in
But I didnt. It was my first experience
With the strangeness of my body
When I tried to move into something else
Blend into something
But couldnt. And it made me so sad
To be separated from things. You looked at the lake and remembered something,
Seeing another mans reflection, smiling,
Then you held your heart
Fell to the ground and died
A bird flew out of your heart and into mine

And I carried it around with me all my life


In the cage of my heart
Waiting for it to sing
Waiting for something to happen
I wanted to talk about the instinct of sadness, loss
Because
I could not find a way to stop it within me, because
I could not explain it no matter how hard I tried and
Tried to reach out of my body, because
I did not know what sadness was even as I carried it with me
I could not touch it or move it
Or reshape it or invent it
I wondered how justice worked within us
So unjustly
Even as it lived and moved around
Inside my soul making a home, breaking everything, the parts that say something
About lost love when its moves from Africa to the moon
To Babylon millions of years away, the mind forgetting the young woman she
Became again, dancing hip slide hip
Flexible in the garden made of seduction
The music in control of everything
In control
Of the body
The music controlling everything around us
Even the flowers saddened
When he walked in
And with the Kings all beauty faded
Away
Now
With music controlling
How we felt, what it meant to us
I danced, belly danced
For the Kings
And his greedy pleasure
I who was a slave
To everyone
A woman without any choices in life
Without any control
A slave to everyone
Around me
Having only a moment
The dance
To be free and
The King who loved and hated her passionately
Like a beauty the world feared so greatly they hated her and her
They hated her

They hated her power they hated the power she commanded all in the hips
Escaping slightly secret truth in her voice when she sang
They hated her for the power she carried around the world
With her
Asking everything to see
The mysterious beauty and power she carried
Naturally in the fruit shape of her body
And her beautiful face, not needing armies, or revolts, or laws,
Or even war
Not needing soldiers or domination or even power
Not needing money or exotic dresses
Not needing possessions or even a house to fit in
Simply music simply flying
Powerful powerful dance
She became an evil woman to the men
Who feared their own desire
May make them lose control of their bodies
And their authority so
They put her in prison later
And sought to humiliate her
Then killed her sexual beauty power with cruel stones
And laughed at their own evil
Thinking she and her beauty went away
But she put herself in her daughter
And her daughter carried her to me
Remembering I was the mother once
And the daughter time
With her fathers gorgeous smile as bright as the sun
That fed everything in the world
And made everything in the world laugh out loud
And her fathers born royalty and her mothers Irish beauty
Where at once my body never forgets him
What it once touched years ago
The bird still fluttering in my heart
Wanting to fly somewhere
Or to escape to the moon for a moment
To think or not think
The dance
I discovered
While the world was sleeping
Like the flowers
Were just sleeping that winter
Like the sun over Africa was just sleeping
Like you were just sleeping
Or I remembered the lake somehow
And I wanted to know your lips the way that water did

But I forgot you


And I walked around smoking cigarettes and eating chocolates, strawberries,
Beer, and fruits, wanting
To feed something within me
That I could not feed, something feminine
And so beautiful and so powerful
That the world stole from me, that religion stole from me,
That men stole from me, that she kept
For me when I died. I was always wanting, never getting what I wanted
Eating, drinking, smoking, never full, never satisfied with anything
In life always unhappy never satisfied with the fiery pink sunrise over the ocean
Painted every night by a famous artist we all knew
But lost
Or a nude bath in the waterfall alone at night
With only the moon to hold me so still I would feel it inside me and cry or
On other nights
With men who could have been lovers but werent
With men that could have been lovers but we never talked about it
With men who did not want to hear me speak
Who did not care
With men that chased me my whole life
To humiliate me
To laugh cruelly
To hurt me
With evil men
Thinking they were all some hidden romance
That they loved me when they
Did not love me, lying to myself about men and love
Lying to myself about love
Some man in Africa I once knew millions of years ago, but never met again
This bird in my heart that never refuses to sing
All you somehow
The whole history of the world
Carried into me alone
Me isolated
Me unloved
Every wrong put on me
Babylon
I was punished for
Every wrong in the world
Every man and womans wrong
Every forbidden love and
I walked the earth like a mad woman through centuries of hell and darkness
Missing something unknown to me,
Hungry as a beast and bottomless, dancing more wild than wild
More wild then a hurricane, so wildly

Like a creature that can no longer control her own body like a creature
That could no longer control her own feelings
Looking for a love
That will never love her
Blind to all beauty, blind to children and grandparents,
And drunk drunk drunk
On sex and sadness and tears and oppression and slavery and music and love and you,
You missing you. I walked around
Cursing heaven and blaming God for my tragic fate and crying
For thousands of days
Asking God to finally let me go to release me again so that I can have a moment of peace
On earth before I die asking God to set me free of the prison he put me in
Before I die of heart break
And loss
Before my soul gives up, but God was hateful and relentless and severely unjust and not
Merciful
And he punished her and punished her again and again
And he condemned her
And he laughed at her pain and her sadness
And the King was mean very mean to me and God was cruel very cruel to me
And he humiliated her
Angry at her from heaven
He cursed her for years
Relentlessly
Demanding I apologize
For her
For what?
For being a woman
And not a man.
As she walked the earth looking for you
You that she will never find anywhere
Her tears filled rain and I forgot that I knew you once
Far away, farther than my hands
As far as the lost moon
Last July
That I saw you once and I touched you
That the seeing never died anywhere in the world
That you were everywhere
Within everything that moved with me
The changing sky, the changing sun, the changing architecture,
The changing grass,
And that you moved into everything I looked at for a million years
And that you looked at me within everything
In the world that looked back at me
And we saw something forbidden within each other
Something so sacred

It should not be touched by human hands


Something so secret to everybody
So divine
Wings
It could not be touched
By human hands
But if we could just hold it a for moment
And cherish it forever
And be thankful for everything we moved, the bird
Trapped within us
That we never saw
If we could be thankful
Like it was the rarest most valuable thing in the world
It might have saved both of us
To see it, to know it was there
But we couldnt hold it
It was forbidden to us
The world would not allow us to hold it
Or see it
Your skin so deep and beautiful
The most beautiful thing I have ever seen in all of my life
Even as you aged
And I could not recognize you anymore
I knew then love had a face
Love had a touch
Love had eyes
Like something made of light itself
Like something so fantastic and amazing it demanded attention to itself like light
All eyes on your changing face and body that could not even compare
To the reverence of the sky
As it moved into something more and more beautiful
Then we could ever imagine
Something more beautiful than you
There is
Something about you that everyone always looks at
Or looks for in the room
When you walk in a room
People try to find something on you that is so mysterious it is made of
The poetry of our everyday lives
The beauty maybe
The light
I think they look for it and never find it
They look for it knowing they cannot find it
But the search keeps them inspired
And hungry
Your nose, your cheeks, your hair, your arms,

Your eyes under your hat that day


In New York City
That smile
Your lips
Your lost touch on my skin a million years ago
Moving from my hand to your hand
From your heart to my heart and although I forgot it
Even as I carry my heart with me
Although I carry my heart and have no idea
How it works
As I walked from Babylon
To forever
My body never forgot it
My body reacted when I saw men
I shook fearing something about love
Shattered and fearful of a love
They will never give
Feeling myself so vulnerable next to them
Like a child
Seeing the weakness of my own body, my bones underneath,
The weakness of my saddened heart
That wanted to love
But couldnt anymore
Afraid of the hunger for love within me
Alone among everything, ignoring the flowers
Not seeing the sky for years
Even as I walked among it
Abused, severely abused and punished
For millions of years
By a God who was a stranger
A God I never knew
An authoritarian figure
That chose my fate for me
Without asking
Every time I looked at a man
My heart raced until I looked at their faces
And realized they were not you
Afraid of a love I may have felt
Afraid of my own need for love
While everywhere love was being abused
Every time I looked I trembled
With fear
And I walked millions of years
Thinking the exotic fruits from other countries
Tasted so familiar,
Thinking I was as ancient as the ocean,

A belly dancer
But before that
When he was he
And I was me
I lived somewhere
With a king
Who forgot about me
And I forgot about him
I slept in his bed
And I rubbed his head
When he was tired
And I sang softly in his ear somewhere
Far away
And I gave him massages with hot oil
And I kissed his skin made of a the rarest silk
That has never been found anywhere and I
Fell in love with his strong arms
And I licked his fingers and his neck
And I licked his toes
And we bathed in lavender bubble baths
And listened to violins
Control our bodies
Control our love making
And we fucked so violently
And angry at the world
And angry at each other
Our love forbidden even as we held it
We were so angry
That the earth
Moved underneath us and changed
Its shape
Into butterflies
That are alive for only a summer
That we fucked violently
And then I left
I forgot his face
His name
I forgot his body
His eyes lost now and very human
Among long oceans
The moon lost with time
Seeing his own limits
Feeling his humanity
Feeling loss
I walked millions of years
Thinking I knew what was inside books I never read,

Thinking that song sounds like something I heard before


When I never heard it before
Thinking I knew artists personally who died
And I spoke their French
And they spoke my language too
Thinking a man was talking to me in my head
Getting crazier and crazier
When his eyes looked at me
From behind a mountain
That made the world there look so huge
Thinking that that man looked like someone I know
But I do not know him
Thinking I walked down this street before
But I didnt
He was gone millions of years before and I walked the earth tormented
A dancer for the Kings
Not knowing what I was missing
Even as the sun left the sky
To rest
Between us is just one hour
If I had one hour
What would I say
Every time we pretend to touch in my bed in Queens
I move in closer and closer
Trying to become you
Trying to really touch you
Trying to know you
Trying to know the difference between
You and me
As we hold each other
Trying to feel what you feel
When you are alone
Trying to feel it trying to understand it
Trying to know you
But I know I will never know you
You are a stranger
Moving within me
An unnamed bird
Still singing
The truth, love was forbidden to us
At the time, it seemed forbidden to everybody
So we go around cursing people and punching people
Declaring war
And screaming out to the fucking evil earth
That betrayed us all
And the evil heavens that betrayed us all

And the evil world that tore us apart


And their oppression and their hate
And their laws that forbid us to love each other
Acting like a mad woman
Telling the angels to leave us the fuck alone
Give us some peace before we all die
Of tiredness and heart break
Telling everyone to go to hell
Knowing that we need a vacation
Telling everyone I hate the mother fucking man
Who did this to me I hate him
I hate the evil man who created this all
Prepared to die
In war
With our swords pierced in our hearts
And our hearts bleeding
On the page
Ready to go to war the evil man who was supposed to love us
But didnt
Who was suppose to cherish us
But didnt
Who was supposed to be our equals, partners in life
But he said we were not equal
A religion formed to explain our suffering
A religion that did not explain any of it
Everyone who knows the right way
But doesnt
Adam and Eve in the garden
Forbidden love
Everyone on earth more holy than everyone else
And he was a tyrant watching every movement I made
Denying me love
Denying me acceptance
Denying who I was
Imprisoning me
Not wanting women to be free
So I danced
Him hiding the beauty of her face,
The God given beauty of her body
The God given beauty of her emotions
The God given power of her beauty
I thought of
The writer whose head is ready to be cut off
Because the King did not like
What he said in his
book

And just before his honorable death the evil King makes the man
Pledge loyalty to the crown who murdered him
Who betrayed, humiliated, and enslaved him
The woman who wrote a book
In the 1500s the woman who the church burned at the stake
Because she would not apologize
For what she wrote
They asked her three times to apologize for her book
And she refused
She believed what she wrote was the truth
And it was the truth
And the church burned her to death
And everybody in the crowd watches
And screams hateful curses at the woman
Calling her a witch
Not knowing that it could have been them
Accused
Screaming and violent
Cruel and evil
Everybody
And then everybody walks away and forgets about it
Nobody in the audience
Questions the truth
Nobody in the audience
Seeks the real truth
They walk around the country with a great fear to speak out
Against the earths betrayal
The betrayal of forbidden love
Not knowing that it is forbidden love
Within them
Adam and Eve in the garden
Forgetting that it is forbidden love within
Lost now
In the moon
Who is so alone
In the world
It brings sadness to everyone who has forgotten
Who they are
Adam and eve in the garden
Among the power, and money, and war,
And stress
And we get sadder and sadder
As the days pass
As millions of years pass
And maybe nobody ever will seek the truth
Or say anything ever

And fighting it
He wanted me to fear him
So that he had control over my body
It
My life
My destiny
So he had control over his need
He needed me to fear him
To have control
And needing it
He committed a million crimes against me
Making love more distant
Making love cruel
Making love more and more forbidden
To both of us
So that he could continue to take away the woman I am
The woman I was born to be
We women that walked through centuries
Just to find you
The world changes
Because stars do not speak
There she was
She was
Cursing and screaming and crying
Trying to hide
Trying to get away from herself
Trying to run away from him
Trying to not to speak to anyone
Vowing never to talk to anyone ever again
Cursing heaven for the curse that men put on us
To want love
And never get it
To be forced to be married to a man who will never give you
The love you deserve
Ever
To be married to man who insults you everyday
Whose main objective is take away your self confidence and self worth
And tells you deserve to be beaten
Nobody loves you
Nobody cares about you
Everyone will hate you
But another man
Who was not man
Nor harp in Africa but what happens when they touch
Came to me again as I walked,
The night we listened

To the sound he made as if love was telling our bodies what we were.
It was a holiday
And there was a crowd on the street in Babylon that stopped to listen
To you brush against night strings as if you held within you
A hundred birds, birds I remembered but had forgotten.
A woman near him must have hummed something so sweet
I almost did not believe that the sound was apart of her lips but was some other
World that appeared when she sang, as if the sound carried a joyful moon in it
We could brush our fingers against and almost balance
On our shoulders. There was a mixture
Of the harp and the recollection of my heart,
The woman and the soft light of dusk larger than the moon
Released from her throat, and my body wanted to change
Its shape at that moment: to become like love curling between
Silence and music, to be so fluid I would almost not be there
Because I forgot my skin was holding my heart, because I was so lost in sounds
I almost couldnt
Hear the song, the bird. There was a moment my body stopped and asked
If you were ever real. I saw it again
And then forgot you quickly
Knowing I could no longer survive
Carrying around the pain and heartbreak of your memory.
I thought for a moment
That if you were a million years away I could still follow you
To that song, I would still know where you are.
And then I cried, everyday for years
Not knowing why I was crying
I cried and cried
And I had no idea why I was crying
And it all almost happened
That way,
The next morning I was free,
Maybe the moon that did not want to be seen in the morning
Still sang in my head. Maybe it was him.
Walking through New York City
Every step was like a century
And I turned my head at every sound I heard
I heard the Hudson River rushing, the sound of cars
In New York City driving into their dreams, two people talking
Besides me
But I did not know what they were saying
I wanted them to be talking about love
And hurt love, and how to get love, and how to prove love,
And how to test love,
And who we love
And who we dont love

And why everything possible in the world


Even evil
Is because we were born with this thing called love
But it was all just sounds
Listening
Listening for something
Searching for truth
And I looked for you in all the sounds
I looked to see if you were still in it.
There is Sun in Every Garden Flower
First deep, forgotten violets are taken from a field
In California somewhere I go to through you but never enter
Because I was in a bar in downtown New York
And you were in California
And I drank beer alone until I no longer
Remembered him sitting there in front of me, talking
You were in a Caf talking to her
About the woman you have not met yet
A girl you saw
You saw in a dream, I was telling him
In my dream I fell and you reached out and touched my hands
Or in my dream Im in a school looking for you and I cant find you
Or in my dream youre at the kitchen table and I go around your back
And put my hands on your shoulders and kiss you
We make love in a white room
And then I show my father writing on the sky
You were a Black man, and I dreamed about you all the time
But we never met. You told the woman
You were talking to
That I tickled you in your hospital bed after you got shot
And almost died, but we never met
And sitting there
I forgot your face and your lost touch
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
As you lie in bed alone that night
Your body wanting to become my body for a moment
But it couldnt, and the pain of not knowing
Why you were so sad even though everything around you
Was OK
As I look across the ocean
Into a light on the horizon so small it looked like
A star fell from the sky just to touch you

And I made up a story that heaven longed


To touch the earth so much God sent us rain
Or that the star was a man in the year 1,000
Who wrote love letters to a woman in 2011
But they never meet
And the man was a star, thousands of years away
Until he fell, returning to earth just to touch what was
Missing his whole life
And I felt like I was missing something on my body
As I looked at the fallen star
And into nothing, maybe it was the clothes
I was wearing, maybe I forgot my keys,
Maybe it was your house
Set on the other side of the ocean
Moving into the past and the future at the same moment
And a Black man who doesnt know me
Violets are taken and
Are transformed
Into your eyes or what I remember of them,
Your eyes that changed color as you smiled into
April, yesterday in the afternoon when I forgot sky
Drifted from the Atlantic Ocean to New York City
To this space filled with light every morning
That gave life to something we could not see anywhere
But it was there, more than us, our souls
Entering the objects around us without us, apples,
The Empire States building, the Florida ocean
And the moon that seemed to move across the sky
With us
In just moments, into a past already lost when we left
The surreal painting of a King
With two Queens, the past and the future
And the crown I did not paint on him
The paintings stolen by a man
Where he walked down Jamaica Avenue
With my paintings in his hands, walked into his apartment
And opened them, seeing nothing in them
And the man in Jamaica put the paintings on his wall in his bedroom where
His girlfriend came in and asked him whose they were,
He said mine now and me the painter
Mentally ill, a lunatic lost to everything in the world even
My own paintings, a painter living in exile
Because a man banished me with a kiss
I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are

Then long stems of roses lost like lost silence now outside
The grocery store as I pass an old woman
I wondered
If I could hold life forever
And would I want to
Or could I understand beauty for just a moment before it dies
On the kitchen table, could I keep beauty so still that I could really see it, roses
With what seemed like a prayer about loss on the table
And the old woman, a vision of your grandmother, picking flowers
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
Then a conversation left before we had it,
Quickly through a store window
On Queens Boulevard, a man was carrying a boy on his shoulders
And we didnt talk as I watched them
And we didnt discuss the lost painting
Or the lost time
Or the child we never have
The boy had an angel face, his chubby hands were
Holding the mans cheeks and small crushed, dead violet
Hands maybe that have touched
And lost the moon
Hands that know what it is to lose
As they walk into becoming something else, smiling about something so secret
Nobody else on the street knew it because they spoke
Another language, but everybody should have
Known their secret
What they meant to each other as they walk
Four blocks from me, the man puts the boy down
The boy sees an ice cream truck
And runs in the street, your coming down the road
And you swerve, missing the young boy by just inches
You scream at the man to
Watch his fucking kid, Im walking away from you
Wanting to write a story
About the same girl living two lives
One life is with schizophrenia, it is sad, very sad, she cries all day,
She cries everyday for years,
She hears your voice all the time, everywhere in the city,
She feels you watching her, shes scared, very scared
She feels you make
Love to her when your not there, its a horrible life really
Shes always alone and scared
And then the same girl, didnt get schizophrenia
Became a writer, had a good job,

Had a good family, had a good life, was successful


Confident, beautiful,
But she got schizophrenia and life
Was cruel to her
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
Then after, I lost the wind
Because I was listening to
A waitress
Speak about something that still waits to belong to something else
As she talked with her small child outside an Irish restaurant in the Bronx
The waitress was smoking a cigarette
And the child was on a crowded street that moved
As long as a song that dances in the concrete even now without him
A song that seems to move the thousands of people that pass by without notice
Of them, the mother and child,
The lost father
Through their lives alone, your song on the jukebox, coming from
Inside the bar she works at where she probably had no
Babysitter to watch the child, so she took him
To work with her, and then the child turns, smiles,
Hands his mother a violet and dances to your song,
She smells it proud and dances with him, singing along, and although I
Did not ask why this could be everything, here now
Where I am lost to everything, I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are.
Or the old couple I cannot see now because they are gone
Although I know
They are there, somewhere beyond the bedroom window the two that speak
More now in their room of old photographs and smell of lost years in their clothes
Because all of their stories have not been told even
When they are not there they miss
A romantic place of their youth, or they love the feel of the sun setting
Behind them every night when they are alone walking down the street of it all
Talking to a lost spouse or with a mother whose wisdom still carries
Between the streetlights made of time and eternity
Into the violets they carry home with them
To place in the dining room beside the laughter that is still in the walls
And the softness that still touches his eyes when hes a different man
Seventy and staring
At his wife as if he remembers everything he never tells, and
He forgets to tell her he loved her, he always loved her, and as I
Look through the window I dont know Im looking at your uncle and his wife
Or us, and I wondered
What it meant to lose

To be that close to everything and not know that you are. I look
At them like something may have been lost that morning
But it wasnt
And I will wait here for the stars to speak, but I know something will change because
they
Do not, and I know I cannot compare his look to ocean sunrises
Or violets and the sun that brings meaning to them through color,
But the old lovers are that beautiful and more,
That disguised in the soft light that reaches
Paraguay or Mississippi or somewhere else you cannot find by looking across
The ocean with your toes lost in the thin waves
Not seeing the sky there even as you stand in it
Not knowing about your heart
Even as you carry it or the work of hands on his field or the morning rising
Where somebody lived and loved so much about life he never thought about heaven
Until he got there fifty years ago, leaving
Nothing unfinished, not even his laughter that I can feel even now
Between each way we could remember anything, faintly as if it were
Always there but we thought it wasnt, and I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are.
And then the voice that follows
Leaving its place in the world, making whole
Everything it touches, breaking into moments just to smile.
I walk to work. Im a cleaning woman.
I enter your abandoned house to clean it in Jamaica.
You have moved out
And youve been gone for years now
I walk into your old bedroom and smell violets
I stop for a moment; the smell is like a dream
Because I remember something I have forgotten
But nothing is there but an open window and some light
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
I lost the sunset once
On a beach, all night, with a prayer that never spoke as I watched the moon
Wait as it is to be discovered, the radio on telling me where my heart was when it was not
In my chest, the littlest stars almost not there, and I thought looking at the stars
That I did not know that eternity
Could be that small, smaller than sand running through the fingers or children
Dreaming of the world as they moved around it wondering how it works, or the poetry
In our everyday lives and how it
Moved into everybodys sadness that only has this memory
Of city and sky later, the painting lost now loss moving with me
On the train in Long Island where I pass you on the street
You were in a white car and you drove away

From me the way the ocean leaves the shore


You drove
To you friends house in Queens
And looked at his strange painting on the wall
Laughing, saying where did you get that ugly thing? The lost King
Uncrowned, yet it looked familiar to you
But you forgot something about yourself as you stared into it
It was like staring into winter
Bare, sad, and strange, not knowing what it was
Emptiness
Loss
Not knowing that winter was a field wild with violets
But it had not become itself yet
Your friend asked you if you wanted the painting and you took it
Drove to your house and put it on your wall
In your bedroom
That night I had another dream that I was looking for you
Up hills, through building,
Among people
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
You took the image with you
Feeling like nothing but yourself without something now
As youre at work thinking about the strange painting
That is yours now
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
Knowing I lost something sentimental
Because we never cherished strangeness
Because the visitor leaves too quickly and I forgot to ask what is it in the violets
That want to speak but cant, what was in the rain that reached for the violet
From heaven,
What was in the river, by the Hudson,
When it reached for what it knew and it knew that the moment was enough
To fill everything and that was it, breath and meaning and light
In all of this that we could not figure out
I lost the memory of your face as you changed as you sleep with my painting
In your room
Like a dream that follows you everyday
I watched it move under the blue air without me
It was not as important
As the wave, the wisdom of listening to things that bring
Earth to a steady hush, another side I cannot run to, Shannon and me
Walking through Times Square, talking
About her dreams of acting and singing as we move between

The people, their dreams of jobs, or love, or belonging


A girl who looks for herself
Among surreal lights and forgets the drama, the lines in the play of it all
That tell her everything she needs to know to become dream
And skin and we walk among a thousand gardens
Walking to discover our selves among crowd and beauty and street,
Even as we lose to time and meaning, night through the lost architecture, lost in a
conversation we are forgetting as we have it
Forgetting the painting or the love we lost
Forgetting the King
A certain philosophy, or a way to wear our clothes
Or a religion to join, or a subject to study in our free time
Or a group to be and an identity that could match all the feelings we feel
In darkness
When we are alone and do not know anything after the books
And the scientific pictures and the history lessons
And I wondered what it meant to lose
To be that close to everything and not know that you are
I do not know anything at all because I am staring at a flower
Seeing the sun
Seeing a man bump into me
And knock me over in Times Square, then he tells me Im beautiful
Then he asks me if I like coffee, then we talk,
I like him, hes funny and smart and kind
Weeks later we kiss, I go to his house
Find my painting in his bedroom, it is him
Can I finished it now
Then I take it home and paint the crown.
The Test
We were the story of an artist who was inside herself and inside himself. A story
of an artist who is neither man nor woman. A story of an artist who lost love one day and
then the whole world turned dark. The artist created a city within her and within him, but
the people in the city start acting corruptly. The artist got so angry that the people were
acting corruptly that he took beauty and light away from the people in the city. The
people in the city lost love, but they did not know it. They started wars, they stole, they
fought, they argued, and they no longer saw each other or loved each other. I was seven
and you were seven. You were a few months older then me. We were playing tag at the
ends of the city with some of our friends from the neighborhood. The city was always
dark, lit only by dim, distant lights that hung from the sky. The smoke and wastes from
the factories left soot on our clothes and mud in our shoes. There were no flowers, no
fruits, no vegetables that grew, because there was no light. My mother said it had been
dark for a thousand years, and she spoke about a light in the sky that was so golden and
warm it was like sleep on the skin, but she meant life because the only comfort in this
world my mother could think about at the time was sleep. She meant the light was like

life, but she did not know what life was or what life meant to anyone. Most days we
could not tell the difference between life and death. Life was work. And death was a final
peace most people yearned for, being mostly tired of their everyday struggles and
suffering, the routine crimes, the hunger, the poverty, the hatred, the war. Mountains lined
the north of the city, and the outer corners were surrounded by ocean. We were isolated.
The furthest anyone traveled was 50 miles. All the people lived in broken down houses
that could barely keep out the rain. We did not know any other people but those unhappy
people around us: the men that always looked older than themselves and their gray skin
and dark eyes, and women whose faces always appeared to be stained with tears, but we
knew nobody cried anymore. Life was so hard that even tears meant that people still felt
their hearts, but really nobody cried. You and me, we saw that flower in the grass, right
after the great storm. Do you remember? We were playing tag. The other kids got lost and
I found you hiding behind a rock by the beach. I ran over to you and knocked you to the
ground, screaming Tag. But, we both fell to the ground.
"Your father's looking for you," I said, on top of you.
"I know," you said. Then after a moment, after I didnt move, you said, What are
you looking at?
"Space that is not space," I said. It was dark. I could not see him, but he was there.
"Oh," you said.
We did not see many colors. There was the orange flame from the stove, or the
copper they made coins with, but there were not many other colors we could distinguish
from the many shades of gray that marked our daily lives.
"It means something," I said. "It means something inside me. It means something
else but I don't know what."
Space? you said, questioning.
I dont know, I said.
Then we both looked over our shoulder. We saw it lying beside us, the smallest
yellow flower in the grass. We stared, wondering. We looked around. You looked. I
looked at the flower then I looked at you. I remember feeling that that moment between
the flower and your eyes was something so beautiful that it was more than beauty. When
you looked, I really saw the flower. There were no flowers in our city anywhere. There
was no light. I watched you look at it cautiously, and I think I felt your heart more then
you did. But, I didnt know what you were thinking. I knew for sure a flower was
something beautiful when we did not know what beauty was anywhere. For a moment it
was as if I saw light hit your face and surround you, but the light was coming from within
you. I wasnt sure, but I thought maybe. There was magic in your smallest movements as
you inched towards it that I wondered if the flower could possibly be there. Was the
flower really there? I watched that flower and then felt a lady bug following it, looking
for it, fluttering its little wings in my mind. But, I have never seen a lady bug in my life. I
only felt a lady bug looking for that flower in my mind. I felt it. The beauty and awe had
me dizzy with the thought of the flower and the thought of you. The air everywhere was
dream-like and took on new shapes. It said something in my heart I could not remember
now because it was so secret even to me, but I could feel it again. I stopped to listen at
that moment for something to move or change, for you to show me something that I
never knew existed before.
"I can't speak," I told you, but I wanted to speak. You said you heard it too. The

hum of invisible wings that meant nothing you could understand. Something as ancient as
the ocean, but too new to us. I looked at that flower for the first time as if I had known
you forever, but I knew I had never known you. I memorized its color and its shape,
wanting beauty to enter me somehow, but I knew it wouldnt. We revered it together, and
smiled. We started laughing. We started dancing around it. I knew with everything I ever
knew not to touch it. Not to move it. Not to soil it. Not to transform it. Not to kill it. It
was perfect. It was beautiful and we have not seen beauty ever. I was afraid that I may
lose the happiness I felt inside me. I don't know if I will feel this way again.
"What is it? you asked
"I think its a flower," I said. It comes from light.
We dont see light, you said. So how will we know what it is?
We know, I guess, I said. We just forgot inside us.
You thought for a moment.
And then you walked over and picked the flower from the ground, the only one
we have ever seen in our lives, the only flower on earth, and you gave it to me.
"It's going to die now," I said, so angry I could beat you up. "Why did you do
that? Its going to die. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Its gone now. Why did you do that? Its
going to die now."
"I want you to have it," you said.
"Why," I said. "Now its dead. Just leave, leave me alone. You don't know what
you just did. You killed it. Why did you do that you idiot.
Then you left, sad.
And I saw the hole the flower left and tried to bury it back in the ground so that it
would live again, but it didnt stay. I came back a few days later and it was dead. The
color was almost gone and the stem was as lifeless as the grass beside it. And that was the
only flower in the city that nobody saw.

Invisible Man
He watched me for years, he watched until it hurts to be invisible, it hurts that Im blind,
he watched until it hurts to die, while I walked through New York City like a released
balloon drunk, drunk, drunk, looking for him, finding only a smell that reminded me of
his lost skin and the feeling that I was not alone. A smell, an invisible smell, an exotic
flower or the smell of piss on the subway, something so invisible yet it makes you react
with pleasure or repulsion, it controls you for a moment, just a smell and your pleased,
and hes here. Yes, he was a sort smell or sound, something you couldnt see but
something that sent your emotions flying around as blind as a firecracker in a summer
night. And were did he go when he left? Did he enter a guitar, or blue on a sad painting.
Did he become strawberries or laughter? When did I remember him and not know? Did I
remember him in another mans kiss, or when the two held hands on the subway? Did I
remember him in a book or when I heard the cello cry? Sometimes, I knew he was there
although I couldnt see him or hear him. I took off my clothes and danced alone in my
room, my hips curling like an ocean against the shore, my hair long and messy, my hands
flying circles like fireflies in the air, walking on air, the soft pull of nothing, nothing
moving and reshaping itself into something, the temptation to enter through music, the
music in control and he was the music, moving me, becoming one with me, changing the
shape of my body into a sort of food or drug, a thief that returns with need, heavens theft
in his eyes as he stared at me and it hurt to be invisible, to be dead to me and everybody
when he was still so alive. The dance reminded him of sex, up and down, side to side, and
he longed to make love me. For years he longed to touch me, and kiss me, and rub my
pussy, and rub my back. I longed to rub him with hot oils in a candle lit room like a king,
feed him grapes or chocolate, and massage his body. I longed for him to enter me or talk,
tell me this is not real tell me the truth but I never knew anything more real then the
feeling that he was there although nobody could see or hear him. I did it cruelly, the
dance, to seduce him. I did it to entertain him and to fill him with so much lust he
couldnt take it anymore, he would break through and touch me. Break through and talk
to me. Break through and walk down the road holding my hand. But, he just watched me
dance, longing for more then we were. He watched me undress, put on soft music, and
enter the bubble bath. He sat in the bath with me, as Beethoven changed the color of
everything. He kissed me and said he loved me, he was dying to make love to me, but I
didnt hear him or feel him. I just sat there lost in a dream. I just felt my body being
turned on, my nipples getting sensitive, my legs spreading, the sensitive feel of my own
touch, my legs spreading so he could enter the doors so quietly I didnt know he made
love to me but I felt a change, I felt beautiful again and so alone. And we walk, out the
doors into the city where even in thousands of people I can barely be seen. A man walks
by me, the invisible man enters him for a moment, the man tells me I am beautiful as he
passes, but I know its another man, a beautiful invisible man waiting for me everywhere
I go. I cant see him, but I know hes there. Im going to work. I clean houses for a living.
When I pass people I think it is him looking at me. When a Black man comes near me I
get so nervous, my heart races and my knees get weak, because I think its him. On the
subway a guy and girl are talking, but I think they are talking about me and him. I feel
someone take a picture of me. I walk out of the subway and onto the 98th street. I see a
group of girls in the car giggling and screaming. I think they are looking at me and saying

thats Gods wife. Hes all over the city, in people, telling me to keep my head up, telling
me Im beautiful everyday. I walk into the apartment Im going to clean. I put my head
phones on, Im listening to a book about Jesus. I clean the kitchen, then the floor. As I
bend down he watches my ass rock back and forth. He watches my breast bounce in my
tank top. The sweat on my face makes me glow he thinks, and my face looks more
beautiful to him. I feel a sort of romance in this as I clean the floor, hard work and New
York City, but Im lost to everything as he comes behind and rubs his dick against my
ass. Hes so turned on it hurts to be invisible, it hurts not to have a body. I stop, feeling
something but not knowing what and he moves away, scared he may scare me. After
work, I go on the subway and laugh to myself. Im thinking about something my sister
did. People stare at me. I laugh until it hurts him to be invisible, it hurts that Im deaf. He
wants to take me for coffee and make me laugh all day. He wants to share cake with me. I
know he does somehow, but I dont know. So I make a funny face at young girl to make
him laugh and he does. He longs to be a man again, to make love to me with his body. He
longs to tell me he loves me, but I cant hear him. He looks at me until it hurts to be
invisible, it hurts that Im blind, it hurts to die. Im in my room; he cant take the silence
anymore so he throws my painting on the floor. Nobody is in the room. I yell at him, stop
scaring me. Who was I yelling at? I know hes there but I dont know hes there. There
are times I am so pissed at him for not being with me I hate him. So I sit down to write
him a nasty letter and tell him how much I hate him, how evil he is for abandoning me,
how hes left me scared and alone. He cries but I hear a screech. A man outside my
window that got hit by car. Frantic I call the police. I keep my window open to see if the
police come. Then I feel him. He is a Black man downstairs on the street in another body.
He stopped to see how the man was doing then he looked up and saw me in the window. I
was painting by the window playing loud folk music. I was painting a picture of him and
a woman, but I didnt recognize either of them. For an hour I feel him watching me,
telling his friend to look at that strange girl. The next day a car. Im on the 4th floor and
hes parked outside, looking into my window. Then everyday I feel him looking into my
window. He waits outside, late at night, while I sleep and just sits there waiting for me.
Then his voice, with a group of friends, his laughter, downstairs on the street. Then his
song coming from a car driving down the road. I go to sleep hating him for leaving me.
Then a dream of us making love and writing on the sky. Look dad The Book Of Love on
the sky from God. God is a Black man. I sleep and the invisible man kisses my whole
body, but I dont know where he kissed me, I only feel this love when I wake. I wake
feeling in love with everything. Feeling in love with a muffin, feeling in love with an old
lady walking buying flowers, feeling in love with the architecture of the church, feeling
in love with the pigeons. I read the newspaper and hes talking to me. He always makes
me laugh. Im laughing on the street all alone. I feel angels all around me. Im so in love
it hurts him to be invisible; it hurts me to be alone. I miss him. I go to visit his mom,
Mary. Shes a statue at the church. I dont say anything I just stand there, and he stands
beside me silent. I thank her. The silence was something to fear. The world is so silent it
hurts to be invisible, it hurts to be silent. Hes the smell of exotic flowers bringing
pleasure to me. Hes the sound of music controlling my body. Hes the love in everything.
But it hurts to be invisible.

A Hostage to the State of Love


It was always romantic
The winter beds and the warmth
Of two bodies
Making love under covers
To feel the cold sweat
Of the man
Run deep in the soul
Near a heart there that was never mine
Sometimes I imagined him
With another woman
For breakfast they would kiss lips
Taste the sense
Of something perfect in sex
Knowing their own bodies
Were bound
Somehow to the desire of gardens and dreams.
Call it jealousy but
I thought I should be there
Wandering around inside him
Asking him to speak love in my ear
So I could hear it clearly
Asking again even after I heard it
To make sure it was still there
I thought it was the law
Of my body to want and ask about hunger
I was never there beside him
Gentle the way lovers are
When they are attached to skins
As they kiss
Like waves attach to the ocean
Searching inside his breath
For that silent music
To free his eyes and tell me
Where my heart is
When it is not opening my chest
The surface
Of the hands like answers
To my skin without a question
If the shoulders were a tear
That did not know if it was sad
Or too beautiful to know

Why the body still cries, asking for things,


Asking for places and the beautiful
Strangeness the man's body takes
When it performs
Or the way his breath
Held my breasts like wind on 53rd street, NYC
When I'm walking home from work
Wondering if there is anything more beautiful
Than the sky breathing into the street
And moving a single dream into each other
There was a peace in it
A passageway into
All lovers
And all languages
Say it was harmony, in a dream he would smile
And ask me to come to him
And I was drawn to the song
Of it all
The pure sense of the rhythm new
And the sensual
Lip when
We understood
Our bodies so deeply
We were not there
Because we were inside each other
How I listened to the wind
Once and saw its purpose
To touch two hearts as their beats blend
Into the streetlights
And touch his cheek the moment he passes
Through me to discover destiny
Is so simple
It is a kiss we lost to each other
I wrote a line
About a man out in the world waiting
Coming over the sun
Like night making love to music
This picture of us together
When he is in his bedroom staring at one of my paintings
And I am writing him our love letter
From 2005 just before we marry
At Our Lady Queens of Peace
And spend that night alone in separate beds
Thinking about each other and loneliness
Still in the wind on 53rd Street

With words that reach him


Next year and move from his fingers
And into his heart with two voices in it
A man's only fear of losing love
And a woman still crying
And abandoned by war
He had a vision of
A future we called home
The flower on his skin
In my dream we touched once
It was a kind of loss
That breaks the kiss
Into legend
I sometimes would look
At the moon
And talk to him
The lost lover in her
I would say some day
I will find him there
Reaching out of his world
And into mine
Maybe in time he will recognize me
We would be walking down
An anonymous
Street and just pass
There would be something about the wind
And the way it would call us to each other
In love, I am tender and careful
With the vulnerable heart
He shows me is there when
He's quiet
And the quiet reaches me
Years later
In his letter to me
Two perfect hearts written in clouds
In the sky in Florida
So magical I thought I was in his fairy tale
That day I cried for two people
That day I closed my eyes
To be blind
I did not see imperfections
When I saw his face
IT appeared again
That dawn
I couldn't sleep that night

Because we made love inside a fragile silence


I wondered where he was in a ghost's kiss
And wanted him to speak
So I walked looking for him on Broadway
Or I waited by the window
Waited to say something
About his skin
Still touching me when I was not there
We are always somehow alone
In this break
Of hours
It is always another woman
In his bed
Someone other than who I am
It would always be some other time
Some other place
To make love happen
Some times I wonder where dreams grow
In the garden
Why the romance
And the great love songs
Unless we were some how
True by them
Parted like water on water and healed
By their existence He is heaven
With lips
More of the skin then the bed that holds us
My dreams wander
Around lengths
And secret dimensions
Maybe everything was about time
And the way
We lived in it and lived through it
Maybe it was precise
The meeting
And the great emptiness
I felt inside
When I missed him
When I felt everything
Without him
When I listened for his body
Desire and call the way
Great things walk
On the earth and pass us
Never leaving their name

I wanted to hear him smile


Or ask about
The parts on my body
I never see
The hands reaching for it again
Never understanding
The cells working underneath that know why
Or what was in a touch
Maybe he did not know either
The dreams we had of
Living a life of love or just walking
Together into the sun setting
Through the building
In New York City
People walking into their dreams
And silences
Breathing eternity into time
The make of lovers again and again
Something so ancient
It is still the ocean
Underneath a written sky
In a dream
After we make love we hear music
Reach from the skin
And I am more than a woman
I'm a bird
Leaving the ground while we dance
Settling under these words
Until you can hear the wind break
And love
Walk from the moon
And through his window
As he is thinking about me
Saying
We will touch
When we are ready
Something that sleeps
Inside the winter
Bed we never share but I should be there
Should be anywhere but here
Once you'll meet him
Youll believe in the sort of fate
Only the stars could write
Hell be smiling back
Wondering how we got it so good

Naked
One day, we will wake
In this empty room
Older than the moon
And the worlds we fought through
Will not remember the tides of our pain
And seasons will not remember
Our names
Because when we made love
We were that naked
The Queens Boulevard Blues
I didnt write the poem that puts red in a rose
Or a line that understands why the shoulders are that shape
They take as if something where sadder than a touch, something
That has not been touched by anything maybe but the distance
Between a guitar in the hips and silence. I didnt write that poem
Because there was too much silence there. I didnt write the love poem
The one with beauty in it, the one that is only beautiful if it could
Match your eyes for one moment if youre staring at sound
Disappear into water, or your standing on earth that is so still
Theres a dance that still matches the moonlight that is not there
But looking for you. I didnt write the poem
That inspires the heart to move from its place in the body
And into your chest or the poem that puts all its weight
On your lips when you dont speak. I didnt write the poem
Lush and bright pink across the sky or the reason
For classical music that is not there but looking for you
In a violin, in a young girls hands, in an orchestra.
I didnt write the poem that cries, or laughs
Or the one that turns around and into you so perfectly
It should be the same way your body can sometimes
Match my emotions but you dont know. I didnt write the poem
That sings or the poem that wins the game or the poem
With a million dollars in it. I didnt write the poem
So filled with grace there was reverence in it
I wrote the poem that fell hard, scraped its knee badly
And put a band aid over its mouth. And then you
Write the poem later, after I am long gone, of all the reasons
Under the sun why I deserved that kind of pain
And sign it with our last name.
Gods Love Letter to You

This is the poem you read in ten years and wonder what the body meant
When it wanted to dance, and didnt. This does not ask for music, just a heart that knows
How that feels
This is the poem you wanted, the poem that dreamt itself outside of flowers
And into expanding colors. This is the poem that understands we are never ourselves
But chocolate chips cookies are never themselves either. This is the poem with a hand
On it that is so close its yours. And mine at the same time. This is the smile I remember
when you left it in
California to grow into the seaweed. This poem was last week
When I desired my own voice more than I desired love, this poem screamed
So loudly an old lady fainted.
It was the first time I ever heard my own heart beat, it felt good. This is aqua under a sun
In what should be paradise, but for some reason its not
This poem wanted passion and got the same weather.
This poem is younger than anyone could see. I hear it all in her soft wrinkled face
Almost eighty and taking walks down the same street because its safe, this poem was a
woman hiccupping.
This is the poem that reads another poem
To feel love
When there no love here, only beautiful music.
Now this poem is gone, gone from this world and in to the next
Where we look back and wish we saw Italy just once.
This poem was my sister when she looked at my parents
And said art could never capture all the Love its too small a space for just one word
That has everything in it.
This poem jumps and is amazed, it plays hopscotch and writes all its name
In chalk on the concrete. This poem gossips over tea. This poem grew past an argument
And argued about something else. This poem organized itself
Like constellations so that you could see
What you envision in it.
It remembers you before we touch and means more to me now.
This was the closest way to celebrate. The heart was always the closest thing to the sun.
This poem is a helium balloon that flew away into whoever finds it, I hope you find it.
I hope everything changes shape somehow like a butterfly and were both
On different sides of the hour trying to catch him. This poem has a bottomless ocean
under it
This poem went out to dinner and saw a boring movie. This poem wished for it all.
Love, a good job, a good life, maybe some traveling. This poem does not know
What it looks like, its like you because you never see your face the way it is.
This poem has a coat of armor a sword, this poem is so stuck in the past.
This poem wants to be as modern as roses caught in a sculpture of tin cans that will never
look like
Roses. Lets be discreet. This poem is a secret between us, a secret
Even you dont know about. I look up from these words
Youre my sky. Youre all the stars.

Sometimes were so silent


The silence is painful as if
You were never there but you should be. In everything I am
I feel something is missing. This poem somehow can capture your silence
In everything it doesnt say.
You dont know how beautiful you are. Your eyes giving meaning to my eyes
Like lights upon me.
They could tell this poem its dreams. I will not speak anymore; this poem is your heart
now.
What I Would Be Doing if I Was Not Sick and I Was Happy
I would drive from here right into a storybook sky
Until I landed on a mountains so high in the air you
Could almost hear the faint whisper of everyone dreaming at once
And I'd see long grass that stretched like conversations
And I'd lie there until I was covered with their words and silent afterthoughts
When you're thinking but you don't even know that you're thinking
But I would know
And I wouldn't write
I'd live near the ocean until I thought I was an ocean too, I would live so close to something that is
not like me at all
Until I could see the sadness in loss
Of our bodies
And I'd be who I think am anyway even if nobody
Loved me for it
Kiss of Banishment
"It is a tragedy written with a woman's blood and tears, but a man reads it as comedy because he
doesn't understand it, his laughter becomes debauchery and cruelty. His anger pours down upon
the woman's head like the fires of hell, and he fills her ears with blasphemy. . . It is a story of
pain."
- Kahil Gibran, Rose Al-Hani
There are ten years in this sentence. And tears. Tears and I do not even
Know why I am crying, but you know. This is the first movement of the heart
After twenty years in this body you would think I would know it when something
Is out of place. I look at your eyes and I see a sadness that matches me.
I look back on my life and somehow you are in it, although I never know your face
I know the humour you carry with you when you are speaking to me.
I never thought all this was funny though. Wine is like shadow near light
Or a nuance of grey wiped across the sky. I am many shadows as I walk
On the outer boundaries of your skin and the light
Is off a landscape photograph of the beach at night, we only know we were not there
Because there is a space out near a rock where our bodies should have been
I can feel it Love. There came a time in a kiss where I expected it to happen
More than I desired it. I know there is somebody out there who told me

My body was not worth the love it was made from and touched the only part
On my skin that could hurt forever, although even I do not know where it was
Or how he found it. Or then after, when I can still taste despair on my skin
The great punishment he continued, a mocking or a shame only a woman bares
And no I do not believe God understands this. My body limp as a dead flower
In your hands, drunk. Men that do share my cries are under it. A wing that smiles
As he pushes me under him, you do not want to know what my heart could say
About pain and desolation. There are thousands of women who cannot speak
And they live in a silent wind only we can hear. Sometimes I wish I was stronger.
I wish I did not have to have conversations with people. My eyes could
Tell a story about you that my heart does not want to hear, you invisible
Invisible, I bore every sickness you built for me, vomitting fear every morning
Unwilling, as you lead me blind down a touch that was sent to hurt.
You served your purpose. All you wanted from me were the unrecoverable years
And the strange horror later that filled my days and nights with a body
Too torn to feel anything anymore. And you are good. And I am bad.
I am a bad girl and you should teach me a lesson. In the same touch we do not
Receive the same things. You walk on clouds
And I learn to breathe under water, laughing as you take from me my diginity.
Through sex. Or fear. Or control. Conflict.
And after you force me to my knees you offer mercy, and do not see
The wrong in that, the past held at my head as if we were not in it and I needed
All the pain and horror you had to offer when you invaded me, I needed
You to right my life because I did not have a heart that knew more
About what it is sees as it all unfolded. Congratualtions. As if every woman has not tasted
Subservience to a man that demands it one way or another as she walks her path.
I am not some science experiment you put under the microscope
You had a revenge on my life but for what? What did you say all this time
That a million men before you have not said about giving pain to another.
With every touch I remember the last touch. The face like a ghost
That moves inside of me. The numbness. Lost in the wind somewhere
I take the power back that you stole from me. In there there is something to say.
The picture I do not want to enter again
And a tear that has too many eyes

Don't Call It Love


I have passed the moment where I search for my heart in your voice
To crazy to care if they know the eyes are sometimes a story
That the heart did not tell. I did not build the thousands of birds above the railroad,
Or the breath too far from the ocean, but I live among it
Sometimes like a peace I asked for years before last night
But only got now as if it was always there. And just now
There is a distant past that someone fought for, although I merely

Hear her voice still held by the wind and the long drumming of life
Wrapped under her skin as she carries a child across the depths
Of an earth that is always beginning in a past century
That I could not even dream about because we think about different
Things, because she was sold into marriage and I went to college
To read books that make you want to sail up the Lawerence River
Alone and reach nothing but the same open vision
Of stars on a perfect night that says this moment is forever
Because you can feel forever when there is no end
To a river in a dream and a heart that does not want more
Then to know it is there. It is important to know.
It is important to feel the air with your hands
And see why I have been crying with the cherry tree all these years.
I am the woman who stayed in her house for years
Filled with fear and looming death while the man who was
Taking ownership of me was living life to the fullest
Holding down my own life so that I might not move
Or speak, so I might not be free to know joy
Or friendships, so I might not travel beyond his reach.
And the suffering was meaningless, just as the morning comes
and we do not know why, I suffered the life and could not
find a reason why my twenties are almost gone and I have never
been independent, why my belief in myself is of weakness
told, why I did not write it down because it does not sound
poetic to have every movement watched and recorded
To not be free enough to think properly or when you do to be slapped
Down by the right way to have been. I am centuries and centuries
Long in these moments, one day he will not follow me
With a past I did not make and a future I must inherit because
One day, someone will listen to the cry
Of a woman beaten, of education taken, of the girl sold into prositution,
Of the servant, of the woman silenced and kept,
Smiling to cover the shame, smiling to stop the tears
From turning
Theyll look
And not call it love
City Your Loneliness
I want to move by your cells and give you a lilac
And wonder if you see it too. The shoulders are in argument
With your eyes like tongue and ash, moon and cold.
It must be a lost conversation
I had with your elbow now traveling to your cheeks
Where I can be still and say something about wanting

The moment. I know


A bird who thinks everything is just wind and chases his own song
Out there where age breaks the eyes
Into a thousand worlds. I stopped again on Broadway
And wondered if you heard that too. I took my childhood
With me to the corner and played the same game
We played when I was seven, and I did not want
To dance with you. I really am sick now
And you are no longer there. Things change,
I know, but beauty is staying and speechless. I have heard this story before.
It makes maps of your eyes while we watch
The ocean in awe of what it cannot be. And we should be a language
Nobody has ever heard because it matches our hearts
When the eyes do not say a word. And I think that you should be something
That is close to you like your shirt
Or your thoughts about, I do not know, the taste of fudge
Or something as simple as weather. I cannot guess
About life. I do not wonder why this sun
Comes to greet me every morning and I think that that is sad
And I think that I am dying. I was angry and then I looked at a man's arms
On the subway and thought all people are soft
Knowing it was something else as he stopped
Watching, a pillow for his dreams or the fear that something
Is being transformed, from earth to liliac, from the past
To the eyes, from wine to a thousand mistakes. I cannot speak like a piano
It has it's own sun and moon and stars
It has voice that the toes know but the forehead does not
And it is moving west through arms right into
Someone's else's hands, and I am stunned
And almost enchanted and I am not going to touch it
Because something might break in my crooked hands
and I am not going to move it
As it moves you from your lips and into the center
Where I feel rain in my stomach, and the flower
Grow off your lips. On good days I put the morning light
In my bones and wait to feel peace. I do not know why I wrote this
But I like to pretend you are underneath reasoning
Waiting smile. That it was ours. That we were there. That it meant
Something to be free enough to say that was somehow
Something special, knowing that it was important
And it would be lost, not listening to the way my feet spoke to my hands
Or if they ever did speak before this song.

Lady In the Sky

Some things we ask for but never believe


Expect roses every spring,
a compliment
to your lips, expect a heart so ancient it is still made of ocean
Do not move. There is something
To say about the hip of grace in dance there is a star walking away in the sky
I want you to follow, there are moments you should
Remember that were not there
what is the math
Of skin and destination, how many moments can write no
Memory in the hands? do not build tears for castles
ladies
When clouds are merely rain in other form you are reason
Returned, in theory you deserved smiles
On pancakes and got dust incomplete, this will
Always be female he had philosophy or names
On the shoulder
You were not the shape of difference -love fills the throat
With salt melted like songs reminds me o people
Of no place curled like a stamp around moon listening
To letter sway and sway to be defined
By everything
I want to put plaster on your heart
And paint a wall, forever
there is a reason we fight but you never hear it
I will send time in a vase and watch the flower
Lose like gravity to prayer I am there
At the center color you should have not touched
I was wing once and many colors of paints
Because there was an art to describe the
silent but not nothing
I am
Not nothing, swift dream above your bed
I am more than that I deserve a conversation and some stars
To lie quietly under at twilight before I am gone
You were not the shadows near the feet I can fit
A hundred years in one reason and cry true tears about it my whole life
You were pauses everywhere leave the shore
Like a castaway because we kissed
I do not remember, write home tell me
Where kisses go without my mind before each touch tell him
I was alive but did not move near a year
I am voice filling decades and years of whisper
Do not talk about it when it is too long
A memory to fit between the heart
and the skin
You are a poster with every verb wrapped around the fingers
last year
Over me like a space a bed of rain
I do not want to become with you,
I am that

that says something about dream born


I do not want you
not with all those days still on my skin
I do not want to move I might find you among people
I might scream and break something rare
We are as familiar as eye and landscape there was a city
I still see light in the window; your face was a silhouette of sunshine
On the other side
I asked for a smile once
but really you should have given me
An explanation for conquer
or a shining lady in sky,
To talk to about this when I am private
And the world is not listening to itself
move into love
I am a dessert beginning at your finger tips
I am a dessert beginning at your finger tips
I am morning even when the sun is not there. Like a moon
To share, I kiss everything without lips
Like the Caspian Sea when I am not there
Like an ocean, without a kiss
The world always moves a heart into tomorrow
The only thing that rises with the rose
I have fallen into a song made of sorrow
Still listening to hear where the music goes
Once this heart was not alive and hollow
So I filled the spaces with the scent of a rose
I start everything with paint and a cry
Before you walk, I'm at the end of your tears
I'm the journey in every mile
Before you miss the earth
I'm a star you wish for in the sky
I have waited all this time to be your smile
I have waited awhile
For the world to turn
I'm tired when I sleep in the eye of poverty
I'm the sky when I'm deep under the sea
I'm your eyes if your eyes were eternity
And then I move, and I'm history
I could takes tears and make them wine
But the taste has made me blind
I cannot remember the rules for time
But I remember the emptiness
You know some people are just not blessed
They grow flowers in the washing rain
And give them to their daughters
They understand there's pain
And turn this wine to water
And when it happens again
They tell her what it taught her
You don't have to be where I have been
Child, you begin where I end
Before you were born we walked a mile

And the earth was small


And the wind was listening
So if you find people walk up mountains
And walk back down
And if you look around
And hear a closer sound
I'm a moment before your heart breaks
I'm a kind of freedom
When this sea parts
I've been to the bottom of a kiss
Before a kiss even started
I've been to the edge of your lips
To say
Pain happens any way

Speak
Do you remember that in the beginning of the world
There was no words
There was only the strange difference between your body and mine
And out there before us our world was a sound
We searched forever for, but couldnt find
You wondered why every month
I bled between my legs but didnt die
It was so magical to you
You thought I must have been a Goddess
From the sky
I wondered what it meant
When I wandered off and left
And you got that black angry look in your eyes
And then we touched silently sometimes
And my touch meant
I would never say goodbye
But you didnt know
And your sad body let it show
Sometimes I let you curiously
Touch my breasts
The strangest things you have ever seen
You wondered why they were so powerful
They controlled your dreams
And I laughed at your penis
When it moved
Wondering what it was made to do
We fed each other fruits in silence
And touched each other others hair
I tickled your back
But there was something more there

I turned you over and looked at you with


Questioning eyes
Still when theres so much silence
The body never lies
And you looked away
Searching for something you couldnt say
But there was nothing to say
We meant to do something more
But we didnt know and we werent sure
And I wondered why when I looked at the world
Around me
Wondering what it was supposed to mean
You were the most beautiful thing
This world has ever seen
But I couldnt tell you
So you didnt know
And in the silence
The future grows
It made you feel so alone
To live in a body
That had no home
But you couldnt tell me because
Silence was the only language
We have ever known
I dont know if you feel it too
This feeling to move in closer to you
I cant say the words the way they are supposed to be
But sometimes I feel like if I could just find them
Id be free
It was all in time
When we didnt know what time was
And within us was a voice we never knew
A voice
Erupting with love
A love
We could not touch
Because we didnt know
After a lifetime of loneliness
To reach out and just trust it
That day when I cried
I didnt have to tell you
What I meant because you already knew
We learned to know
In this world of silence
What it means when the sky changes from hurricane to blue

And then your hand moved


To touch my cheek
The feeling gave me such great release
That for the first time I found the words to speak
I Love You
You gave me a confused look
And then you knew
What your body was made to do
I knew
I just knew
What my body was too
And you
Opened my legs
Entered me
And left too quickly
Like the sand kisses the sea
And I knew that
That was the way it would always be
So when
We made love and
You began in me
I was scared
But I didnt tell you
You were moving me, kissing me,
Changing me
Telling me what was my body was made to do
And
We made love angrily
All over the garden floor
As if the truth on earth
Was never spoken before
But we didnt know all the language yet
Were we running towards what we remember
Or was it something we always forget
And something strange happened
After it was over
And I was still filled and unsatisfied with lust
It seemed I was so hungry for you
I could never get enough
I knew I loved you so much
I could no longer trust
What was happening
Because I got a feeling
Just to feel this moment we would die
Then the vision

Of what we really were


In a childs eyes
I didnt know what
Love was
And I doubt Ill ever know
But I tried my best to search for it
In you
But the closer I got
The further it would go
And everything changed
Inside me
I felt weak and yet beautiful
Beside you
For the first time
And you got scared too that
You would lose what is mine
But words always appear
At the right time
Is everything we become
Everything we seek
And I could just listen to you forever
While you speak
It was as if
Every time you spoke
You were inviting me
To enter your soul
There was nothing there to distract us
But our eyes
Because
Sometimes you said things
I didnt want to believe
Like the day one day when you would leave
But your eyes told me
You didnt want to leave
The truth doesnt hurt Angel
What hurts the most
Is that not everybody in this world finds it.
But you didnt hear me
You were listening to your own body
Call out to you again
And you pressed
Violently inside me
And finally said
Who cares about the truth between men and woman
Its better in love

To pretend
And a million years later
I found you again
My old friend
I thought I died
But I knew I never died
When I heard the silence
Coming out of your eyes
It was your silence I recognized
The parts you never
Know how to say
Because you cant find them in you
The parts you will never admit to
It seems it was what was not there
That was true
And I knew you didnt know me
Dont you know we met before
In an ancient world
When the world was yours and mine
And we loved passionately
But you wanted more
What was not there in you
Has just started a war
Many have died
Many have cried
But you didnt hear any of their cries
Because
There was still the silence
Of not knowing why
She had to die
In you
But she knew
She knew
Wine for Tears on My Pillow
This is me; lost in a field full wildflowers
Arms open in the softest air
Somewhere in sleep where I have never been
Where skies are as long as walking memory
And pale violet clouds are closer
To earth than the sweetest silence
This is me; the cool jazz on slow nights
The walk into my twenties, the entire summer
Fading like a song fades

And behind the sunrise his lips touch mine


And we move into a first kiss
Late for memory and quieter than that song
Once, I memorized moons in Alaska
The purple earth was something like the distance
Between his eyes and a dream
And later a man in a picture caught a loose wave of
ocean and a North Star
I believed then for the first time
That something had moved in his eyes, more romantic as
it danced
Unfound from his lips and into the rain
I swore then
The rain would start a garden in my bedroom
Truth was love had a flower
My heart fell silently each time
And if we danced in Mexico once
I swore he belonged to a rose, the kind made in
tomorrow's memory
And kept only in the sense of the season
I know we envisioned the landscape
Thinking the forgotten moon would never light without
our eyes
Or if our eyes touched as still as that hour
Then love would never find us hiding in our hands
This is me: unborn, breathing into the air
When we undressed the night and dove he was a lost
smile
Or his dark hands, pulling me up to his lips
Where we laid through years like sleeping silver on an
unnamed street
I pass him and walk on
Asking nothing but a smile stranger then his own smile
Maybe once, maybe more
Maybe beautiful, maybe time never filled the emptiness
But we could walk through it together, hand in hand
Through the fresh earth where every moment was made of
him
And those memories that unfold stay
All afternoon as if it where a small miracle of faith
The rain always there to return a small prayer
This is me; the seeker, waiter,
First time for the age of miracles

This is me, tasting pancakes for breakfast


The fresh listen of an evolving kiss, the salts of his
skin
And the sense that time did not understand his body
I waited like winter for years to rise into him
Near a sky so deep it could not capture everything he
held there
There is a love
I think he would understand
Where languages fall
Like wine for tears on my pillow
And somewhere in me
It asks the body to speak
And for the first time
It does
The Strangest Soul Mates
Its so strange
A feeling I own
That never belonged to me
To feel it
Call out my name
At that time
Like Spring
Seduces the fearful and timid flowers
Into finally showing their faces
To the world
And when they do
Another world
Around us
A beautiful and magical world
Of rainbows
And silent music in the air
That makes you want to just burst out and dance
For no reason
Or just lift your arms
Out to the hurricane
And laugh in the face of
The god
Of destruction
Who took your mind
Who stole your body
Who built you a prison

To sleep in forever
Born out of memories of him, the past
Forgiven now
And free
As free as the boy who thought
He was a bird
And was
But something else
How we begin
How it comes here
To reach us
Come here
I want to ask you something
Maybe nobody thinks about about
Do you believe
That if an angry businessman in New York City
Sat at his desk wanting something
Wanting something more
Wanting to say something
He couldnt say
Wanting to do something
He couldnt see
Wanting to almost cry
But couldnt
You could feel
His unknown tears captivate you
From miles away
On a rainy day
In Babylon
When you stared at bright fruits
On the kitchen table
And something out there
Touched you and
Made you so sad
You almost lost your mind
Thinking about it
But you couldnt explain
Why
You were crying
So uncontrollably
Your body shook
And they felt it in Chile
And the whole world
Felt it somehow
Everybody, everywhere

Felt the tears fall


And shatter
The world
That there was something wrong somehow
In the air
The days around you getting darker
The sun not there
Even when its there
No taste of chocolate lost
Or long violin
Concertos
Gone forever
And you
What seemed to break forever
Like thunder
On a night
There were things happening out there
That you could never imagine
Horrible things
That you could almost feel
In your soul
In everything you were
And werent
As if they were happening to you too
At that moment of rain
How a stranger
Could imprison you
With the lovelessness of his environment
A world you
Enter only through him
Only through love
How he could
Control all your emotions
Now
How although uninvited
It invades the soul
And changes
Everything you look at
How unfair
It is
To a child
How he could he build an emptiness for you
So deep
It couldnt even reach the stars
Because the world was so dark

And God was


So lost
There werent even stars that night
To guide you
Without a conversation
Between you two
Without ever meeting
You enter his world
Without knowing it
Through love
Maybe it was just the rain
The rain like a sad reminder
To the world
That we still all live in saddness
And tears
My sister sheds too
Before me
While she tells me
While she is shaking
She might go crazy
Any minute
She may just burst
Like thunder
Or a firecracker
Her soul may just scream out
To the world
To stop
Moving for a moment
So that she can
Be still
But she cant
Shes
Thinking about him
Her boyfriend
Who is a solider
In the army and her only release is
Her tears
Even though her tears
Are not enough
For this
Tears
Like Gods instruments used
To invite
Me to enter her soul
And hug her

For a moment that is not long enough


Tears he couldnt cry
For fear that that may mean
We all went wrong
Somehow
Somewhere
But somehow we are
Meant
To see this truth
As tears fall from her eyes
For him
For the this world
Of violence
How vulnerable they really are
In war
As if when they first kissed
His troubles
And unsaid fears entered her
Too
Disrupting and shattering
Her once whole and peaceful life
So that she is not only
Herself
Anymore but also him
Somebody elses war inside her
Now
Her tears like
Truth finally revealed
When there are no words
Because nobody has ever
Come close enough to it
To really find them
When its love but not quite love
When its sadness or poetry
When its anger
And hatred
But you think anger cannot be love
So you look for it somewhere
The word to describe it
But there is no word
Because its never been found
Anywhere
To be a soul mate
To lose your soul
In someone else

When you dont know youre lost


In him
To understand the uninvited
Pain
Of another person
Without ever meeting them
To hate him
Passionately
For his pain
That is not yours
To know him
Through a word that everyone understands
But cant speak
Through a tear
Tears
That bring me closer
To seeing
All of it
But not understanding
All that I dont want to know
Parts of myself
Parts of him
Parts of everything
As I look around me
Thinking that
Something is going to break
In this air I can feel it
Someone is going to turn the world around
And change it forever
With just a tear
A tear as small as a seed
And it could be a seed
He planted in my heart
A tear that seems like the smallest thing
In this whole world
A tear that just caused an earthquake
The unshed tear that just started a war
The smallest thing in the world right now
That turned the world upside down
And shattered it
When it was shed
And him at his desk
Staring at the sad rain
That reminds him
That there is something sad in everything

Something lost
The soul
Lost in another
Looking for itself
Again
Could I love something in him
Too
Even though I know he is so evil and hard now
Closed
To us like
A sea you cant cross
A moon you cant touch
A hurricane
You cant stop
Because even he knows
It all enters through love
The soul of it
The soul of agony and ecstasy
Enters through love
To touch him too
And it make him angry
It makes him so angry to hold on to it
All
The omnipotent past
And her
So he thinks
If he doesnt love
He is protected
But the anger
Hurt him more
And it makes me angry
Too
What he is doing to me now
The violence
In him
The destruction
He learned
A long time ago
It angers me that he is
So inside me
Because love is not
Supposed to be this way
Life
Is not lived
For another

As i walk around telling myself


That it would be unfair
To just be happy
To just let go for a moment
And trust that there is
Nobody out there
That wants to hurt me
When we both see the danger in that
And know
That that is not true
There are peole out there
That want to hurt us
Do I feel him now?
Could I understand him
Even when I dont know him
Do I know him
In
An emotion so painful
That when it called out for me
I thought Id
Rather die
Than feel it anymore
An emotional pain
That could actually murder me
Slowly
And how it moves around me
Everywhere
How it moves from him
And into things
How one mistake of the past
Racism
Sexism
Slavery
Could be reaching for us now
Affecting us all now
In small but immense ways
Even where we can no longer see
How it moves in to things
How it moves
The guy who starts an argument
With an old lady
In the park for no reason
The nasty look
On their faces
As the bum walks by

How its in a political argument


Or
A curse word
In a letter
To a lover
Who understood too much
How its building up
And building up
Ready to explode
In to the sky
And break everything
All over people angry and fighting
And they really dont
Know what they are fighting for
Anymore
But they feel some kind
Pull inside them
Or a soul
Pushing out of them
Wanting to speak
Ready to be released
Or they feel something is not there
That should be there
And in their lack
And hunger
They grow more selfish
And needy
And I think of a girl whose face
Ive never seen
In Morocco
And how although I dont know her name
Or her face
Or her silent touch
I can still hear her
Cry
Touch me inside
And it all makes me cry too
And it makes me angry
Even though we dont speak the same
Language
Or eat the same bread
Its something about men and women
Acting out of emptiness
Its something about the universe
Erupting

Within us all
That make us
Feel
Like were all going to explode
Theres something happening
In the universe
To us
And we can all feel it
In our way
Someone has not been loving
In the far past
And it touches us now
Only to punish us
With constant torment
To our souls
And we can all feel
The injustice of it
The cruelty
Of what they must have felt
And we feel it too
Listen to me
Im telling you the truth
It not true that if something bad happens
To one person in this world
You are not affected
It just cant be true
He can feel it now too
As my suffering
Enters him
The crimes they committed against me
Building itself inside him
But its mine
He says
Its mine
And yet he doesnt
Know how to contain it
Or explain it
So he screams
A karmic cycle of abuse
That has no end
Anywhere in anyone
But only ends
In real forgiveness
The whole history of the world
Carried to this moment

Where he lays thin and naked


The most vulnerable man
In the world bleeding
On a cross
The slavery and injustice of
Our own inner justice
To punish the future
For the mistakes of the past
Only to be making the same
Mistakes of the past
Listen to me now
Because we are together
We are so close
We can almost change things
It not true
We are separate by sex
Or color
Or creed
Or religion
Its just not true
We are all on the same journey
And we all share
The same destiny
Now
Listen to me
Listen to what you do not know about time
When somebody
Kills someone in the world
I feel a part of myself die
And when someone
Hurts someone else
I feel the pain all over my body
And when someone
Needs to cry but cant
I find myself crying
One day
While it rains
For reason for them
And for you
We all feel it
And I just want to scream out to the world to stop
The abuse
Because I cant live
Knowing how cruel this world
Is anymore

And I only live knowing the cruelty through him


I know it all
Through his soul
And how dark
It is
And I cant live with it anymore
I cant live knowing
He fights this pain
Everyday
Alone
All by himself
With nobody to change it to
Freedom
And love
I cant live knowing
How cruel God is
Anymore
To make love
Only to steal it from us
Piece by piece
As we go about our lives
Wondering what is always missing
In us As we go about our lives
Angry
At what this world has done to us
How he has betrayed us
All
How we betray ourselves
By not knowing
That your all prisoners
Prisoners to your anger
Prisoners to your fear
Prisoners to your resentment
Prisoners to your pasts
And you carried his pain for him long enough
You carried his cross
I just cant live knowing that there is truth
Out there
But not everyone knows it
That there is only one hope now
That only love
Will set us all free

Gift and the Sweetly Wild Palette

He had a day and a grace of


Light
In his hands
Silver fire in the air, sweet star
Am I supposed to be the nun
In my cloak of dreams
Waiting for your answer
Marry this immense gravity
Alone
With only the routes
Of my voice
Should I dance the dance of the moon
Lost lover
And the maybe one-day
I will be the smoky witness
Fever has got my eyes
And days have gone from earthly morning
And here now
To a man who wants me to devote
My body to his only
Illusion
Gift and sweetly wild palette
Love also has its flesh
Of desires
And I have my bed of water
To bath in love, love
And to fall into the skin
Of what is always missing
Need has its mathematics
And my thighs
Though young now
Will soon empty
With tears and bound butterflies
I want to perform on a cloud
Sing my off-key
Pirouette
Like the lonely Degas dancer
Like the symbol, I am
Write for your age
And this silver fire like jeans
On my waist
Is madness, free now
From madness
Nakedly I walk into you
Dream and the whisper
Of seasons
Now calling
Through lovers
For it is in me that a song
Of light
Will be painted
And it is in you
That silence, tomorrow
Will be sung

The Evolution Of A Kiss

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not
hear the music.
Friedrich Nietzsche
This is me; dancing alone in a field full of daffodils
With just the memory of his song
In my body, a song that is my song alone
Dancing like dancing in his lost voice
Is my only freedom right now, my body
Seducing the clouds to rain
Like a secret
To itself like we dont know who we are anymore
In rain
Until weve been kissed
By his overpowering music
Silent to everyone
But me
This is me: dancing in the rain that showed
The surprised grass what it really was
When suddenly
A million more flowers burst in to color
Everywhere
And taught the heart how to love
Everything
Even the hatred and pain
This is me: arms open in a wind so powerful and exhilarating
I could fly, I could fight,
I could laugh
In that voice and lose everything
While the ghost fights me violently
Somewhere in Kansas where Ive never been
Where skies are as long and forgotten as dreams
We never meant to have
Of his changing face
And pale violet clouds are so close
To understanding the sweetest silence
In the world
That everyone hears
But doesnt know about
That it all stops for just one moment
In the seduction of his familiar eyes
When we dont speak of each other directly
For fear that someone may
Take it away
Or ruin it with the truth
This is me: hiding in him, the greatest secret
In the world, not uttering his name even when I am talking about him
All the time
Talking through things

About him
Even when to just say it
And let it go
Would free me some how
This is me: telling the truth in all my lies, and
If I open myself to him now and just dance
If I become what I fear, what I really am
While I dance
If I revealed your silence
If I released it all
To the world
Like a firecracker in the sky
What would happen
To us
If what cannot be heard by anyone but me
Is finally seen
And the people who dont dance like that
One wild night
With an invisible God who wants to destroy me
The people
Looking at me
Like Im a lunatic
Girl gone crazy
Dancing in a field of flowers
To silence
Because they cant hear the song
But I do
If I tell them
My truth
What would happen to us
What would happen to their truth
This is me; the cool jazz on sultry nights
How his music enters me sneakily
The hot fuck in New York City, the entire summer
Fading slowly like a song that fades but never dies
Even when it ends
And beyond where the sun is lost again
To us
And we forget
His lips touch mine
Like fire touches a firecracker
And we move into a kiss
That literally changes the whole world
Forever
His face tells me you know me but you dont
You dont know what I can do
With my eyes, my body,
My silence
He lips dont say a word as they hungrily move
Over the curve of my body
Like a madman
Who has been imprisoned for centuries
A madman who cant control his emotions
Any more and

His eyes, his eyes if they were heaven invite me


Into a favorite hiding spot he had as a child
Where he would go
To get away from the world, be by himself
And listen to music and just cry
And then before I ever knew anything about my own body
He finds my vagina for me
And shows me what it really is
Until I cannot recognize myself anywhere in his arms
Because I feel too beautiful
To be myself
And he is an unexpected
Laughter
Released at the wrong time
Joy and pain together
In the same heart
Whose body will depart tomorrow
But his touch
Will stay where he left it forever
As my whole body opens and blossoms
Like a flower
Before him and
His hands ask my body to speak and for the first time
It does
And we make love
With the pain of
Knowing that every moment we live
Is forever
Knowing that the moment cant be taken away
Because every moment we live is forever
And yet this touch is not forever
Because he is always becoming something else
As he changes his body
Into another mans body
And leaves me alone to wonder
What his penis meant
When it completed me
And murdered a part of me
At the same time
As his soul enters me and my soul
Enters him
As I walk away
With his unknown past in me
Everything he never told me
I can feel now without him
As I dance and cry
This is me: finding him again
Angry as he hands me an ice pop
Then pulls it away
Then hands me an ice pop
Then pulls it away
And it reminds him of his own lost body
Lost to him
Until I reminded him

Of himself again,
And you know he thinks
Not every woman can do that
Not every woman
Knows who I am
As
We wrestle and I dont mind losing
Because something in me
Wants to just fall to the ground
And laugh
As he kisses every part of me
Goodbye
Then hes gone
So much like the moon
Because the moon never has the same face
And its all magic to him
My body, the beauty only he can see
My body sweating, dancing alone, standing in the sunshine
In an old tank top
And shorts awkwardly
Its starting to control his body
When hes alone
As if were some kind of voodoo or music
Now taking control
Of his dreams
Haunting him when he walks the streets at night
Without me
My body controlling his body as I dance, hardening his penis
Magically
Promising him that I am his only release
Promising heaven
And giving him hell
Creating a hunger
Inside him
That cant be fed
As he runs through the New York City streets like a lunatic
Looking for me, tripping over dreams and
Lost love poems, stopping traffic,
Pushing people out of his way to find me,
Then finally finds me dancing
Lies me down without a word and enters me
Angrily
Blaming me for his pain
Calling me ugly and stupid and lazy
When he knew he was lying
Then leaves
He asks me to remember him but I forget
As I dance to this song that is mine without him
This poem
That makes me
Believe in something again
Believe in something more for the first time
In my life
The song inspiring me

To dance in the grocery store


To tickle an old man
On the street
To laugh by myself on the subway
To paint secrets all over the New York City streets
In messages
That no one will understand
But me
But just in case theyre looking for me
They should look for him
Because I was here
And he was here
The song inspiring me
To write love poetry that makes no sense to anybody
But me and him as he changes his body
In to another mans
I dance with him even when I am alone
To a song that is my own
This is me: Memorizing the moon in Alaska
With him
Knowing it will all be lost
And how it changed with his face
And body
Purple earth, and he later
Would be willing
To move mountains just
For a touch that lasted just minutes
Or if we danced in Mexico once
I swore he belonged to some kind of music
That controlled every move I made
Even without him
A voice that spoke through everything
And everyone
Around me
That love was what I wanted
But it wasnt what he intended
As he asks for a loveless lustful kiss
And we dive naked in Lake Placid
And laugh
Not asking for anything from each other
And he pulls me up through
Centuries where he kisses me
To find me
But he can longer find me
Because I hid a part
A part he can longer touch
As we make love in water
Because it holds us so close to each other
We are imprisoned by it
Imprisoned by each others souls and bodies
And only released
In a moment of pleasure
That never lasts long enough
This is me: the seeker, waiter,

The dancer who danced for the king


Because
Dancing was my only freedom
The dancer looking for him everywhere now
Like music looks
For a dancer
Like a rain looks for a rainbow
Like a writer searches the ends of the earth
For a poem
Like a bird looks for its wings
As he changed his body
And kissed me through many men
Taking something with him every time
As we explored
Each others bodies
And how the body changed
As if
The body was a world
We could not enter
Anymore
And the kiss meant
We existed somehow
When we no longer did
The hunger
The tease
The enticement
Of the dance when he follows me
In to a club
Takes me over his shoulder
And says your mine tonight
Like a cave man
And I slap him to get off me
But he doesnt listen
And he rubs against me
Until hes hard
Our bodies sweating and unknowingly
Angry at each other
As it moves against breasts
And thighs artfully
Expressing the hatred and confinement of
Desire
As we love the jailor
But hate him
As he pulls my hair
And I scratch his shoulders
Pulling down tightly on everything we touch
As we dance
Trying to control things
We cant control
In us anymore
Growing more and more tense
Until we fuck it away and
If to just release it for a moment
To release it all in one ecstatic

Moment
All the pain of losing
Creating the pleasure
The cruelty of love
The cruelty of their bodies
The cruelty of God
The cruelty of abuse
As the release
Becomes more than our bodies
And the farmers in Chile feel it
When they drink wine
Wine like medication
To their hungry souls
And the birds can feel it
When they fly
And soldiers can feel it when they fight
And the animals feel it
Everywhere
As they hunt
As the hunger for anothers flesh
Releases itself
And releases itself
And releases itself
Everywhere
This is me: dancing, dancing to a song that
Nobody can hear
A song that nobody can hear in the world
This is me: dancing in a field full
Of daffodils
Somewhere in Kansas
Where I have never been
This is me

The sea is not the sea


If you can only paint it blue
If you look closely
You can see what is true
The sea is transparent
So what makes it blue?

Is it you
The sun is not the sun
In a late night dew
Traveling the world every night
Just to find you
So what makes the sun the sun

What can the sun do?


Can it be so mischievous
It makes the sea blue
When its not
Or is the sea when it changes
Something we forgot
As the sun leaves again
And makes it look like a shadow
I have to ask myself
What do I really know?
Hahahaha
The stars cannot be found
In the afternoon sun
Grandma Agnes in the Moon
All night the sky speaks to the wind
The August rain passes
And Aunt Kathy can see her mothers face
In the moon
There is a voice within everything
-Whitened stars, cool flowers, silver earthThe soft perish of rain reaches back in prayer
And is the touch of everything inside memory
My aunt remembers the young
Through distance, she speaks to faith as if it was she
Her mother still holding life in the silver
Time there belongs to nothing
And senses all things
Once we understood belief, the same smile
That watches us begin and begin, that knew we changed
Memories fall and rise among music
Aunt Kathy and I discuss the mystery
Of immortality, what remains of light
When we are among it
Grandma Agnes smiles down
From the moon
I can see her move through the wind
And catch the stars

I know what love can do


I know that underneath everything the moonlight
Lies waiting to break into you
Dreams so far away, where we can reach them
Thankyou Conversation
For Shannon
The note that meant this is something beautiful somehow, the song that changes
The heart into chords on the guitar, and she stands beside chorus wanting
To know something surprising about her own voice as it lifts
The air like something we know but cannot place, something as familiar
As the joy that follows
It into her days, or some other sadness it may have if she can feel
The earth under her feet moves her into a motion of stillness and age
A song unwritten inside an ache of something she remembers maybe or something she
Has forgotten as she carries it from chorus to house and then through everything
She will or will not notice, wind chimes that called light to the air on the patio
When we were kids, ducks that visited us every spring and their sound, the ocean
That drifts and returns, cars passing along the street. Her voice
Was a part of the silence and movements, when I heard it I knew she was dreaming
Aloud like spring burst into color along the grasses, I knew she was dreaming
Of something that could hear her heart have words for the connection
Between two beats, or she had no words at all, only the memory it left
As she sang from the stairs and through the rooms telling
The same things the sun told when it rose every morning
To celebrate life as it was, something that only has
A moment but it moves the heart closer to what it means to be all along
Only to celebrate the simple way things work into things, to be reminded
Of the voice that carries, the light that stops to hold it for a moment
Where it is still, the tears I had that heard it travel
And never stop anywhere because it emerged as I was
Drinking coffee in the kitchen or wondering why life is so cruel
As I wondered about breath or its dance through novels
Or its painted picture we have of the right way to stand
Between it without moving too much. And she was among it like an answer
That never had a question, just singing at the top of her lungs
Ready to reach something that grows greater as her voice
Fades there and touches what we never understand. Song is the only thing
That moves the body into what it means to be
Through the light or the vanish, forgotten or remembered
Dream, the moment when I listened to hear it speak of
My sisters heart, from chorus to herself and into everything else
And it lifted for just a moment into a note that sounded
Like what beauty is, and I knew what it was.

Gods Age of Miracles


Promise her that the flower
Comes out in spring in a field
Full of daffodils
Somewhere in the Midwest where she has
Never been
Tell her about colors
A million beautiful colors there
Brilliant colors that nobody has never seen
And when heaven
Come to light
Tell her that you know about colors
You know better than her
Teach her body how to dance
In pain
And tribulation
Her lips
How to hide sadness
In a smile
Your eyes how to see
Laughter
Somewhere beyond the war
Teach her heart how to love
Her enemy
Teach her voice how to touch
Your body
Even when she is not there
Look how the our life echoes
And
The birds catch it
When they sing
In to the broken air
Look how sunlight dances
Forgivingly
Between the highest clouds
Even when we are not looking
Maybe once life was about
The protection of
Trees and how rivers rushed
Through the land
Taking us places
Only faith could see
Talk about time and evenings
Alone
When moments did not

Feel like moments


They just somehow existed
When there are troubles
Give her a reason for music
When the soul
Yearns to understand
Give her a reason for tears
When there is nothing to celebrate
Give her a poem
Give her a reason to celebrate
Nothingness
Nobody was there
To hear the soul break
And heal
Nobody had an answer
Maybe you asked about life once
The time we imagined it was real
I thought if life was mine
This feeling, this flavor of the heart
I thought if it belonged to me
I might follow it to the sun
Follow it to the beginning
Maybe time was always
About what we loved once
How we could never touch
Its secret world when we reached for it
But we still reached, dreaming far into the air
Like songbirds
Tell her about time
And where it all began
Sometimes the mind
Loses to the body
And you cant feel the air
Separate
Shes heard about gardens
And sweet violets
In the moonlight
She knew about voices
And how they changed
Into dancing
She saw how the hurricane
Turned in to a rainbow
She saw an evil man
Love
You know I still remember the moon
That night and

How it fell through the trees


We looked up to see the light
But we could never find it
Really
Because her lover
Was on the other side of the world
What she wanted was her innocence back
To walk through life
Like a stranger to life
Always with open eyes and
Colors outside of herself
To hide it
One afternoon when
The soft hush of time moved
Without her
Through the sky
There existed a pull
That guided us to who we are
There existed a reason
Tell her about life
You know life always came with age
And things kept us young
Like music
I could see sound once
And I turned away from it
This vision
Of life I had

And questions about life


I always wanted to live somewhere
Near the roses
A breath
Before the day that continued
To arrive
Tell her it was not unbelievable
This dream of flowers opening
The body like songs
In the spring weather
Tell her about places
You have touched
And past memories
When there was just
This sky and this possibility
I Don't Know What to Call the Rain,

Now That It's May, Now That It's Late


"The path to voice-hearing begins with the human voice."
- Daniel B. Smith, Muses, Madmen and Prophets
Tulips have colors that I would never think of
One is a sharp red inside orange, another is yellow
The way yellow is supposed be. She has the familiar smile
The mystery behind the eyes. There is
My mom in a curve of her hands, a line
Drawing a story of skin she never speaks about
Because maybe we would not know the story spoke with silences
I know it is something
That flowers do not forget as they open
To greet me this morning, the voice you imagine
In the middle of novel, the subway doors
In a crowd at Woodside, the morning air
Sent here from a lost part of the world
The crisp cold wind that makes me feel free
Or a man who is having a conversation
With his dead grandmother before it seems as if
It would be crazy to be silent
To let the life fill around the heart
And never release the breath that could not explain
The orchestra although he held it in the grass
Or the line in the story when the earth rises
To meet the sky. The man and woman on the train
Have bodies that mean the same thing
As loss, maybe they spend their nights
Occupied with the bone on the ankle
Or his face means more than nothing
When they touch. Maybe they spoke as if the language was new
To the breath and the scent came to them
From a part of the ocean that never sees
Anything but sky, and its seems right to love something
You can never become, not the skin
Around a heart when you are always there, not even the words
Which leave and travel down from the ear
To the only sound that matches it in the heart. I believed
This as I walked past tulips with colors
That match what the old woman meant days later on the bus
With a bun in her hair and a smile
That is the softest part of life. I do not want to ask her
What it all means from far away, if
When life flows quietly through the street
She understands something I never ask because

I could not think of a memory that begins here again, although


The cars have changed, I am a half hour before the wait, closer to loving
Nothing than something. I named the poem May like the month
Because it is closest to rain, and because I understand
My sister because what has come between our tea
Has changed. It threads silence with everything that stays
And is more like a tulip because it is so familiar that
I missed its one color I would never change
And it is less like a flower, short and not kept as she
Explains the shape of her memory
How disappointments come in through the curtained
White light opening the window. She might be
Old when the years are no longer there
To look through, but she holds something in her life together
When I am not there to ask what happens when a person
Feels more alive than life, or is this the whole landscape,
Mountains near clouds, Kourtney walking through
And a river near that is always
Wondering where it is going when it breaks in the wind
And breathes for a moment. I might be a memory
If everything contained the moment of rain alone, something gone
From the air yesterday and carried where the story
Lays forgotten as we tell about it. Life
Can come in through all the openings
And everything is the same when I look.
There was a candle at church one day
That seemed sacred because
It meant something to remember, it meant something
To look at a face and see how small
Everything was, how close to a word, how I came
Into a place forbidden just to feel human
Inside it, and that meant more than the cross
From nothing to anything, it meant more to hold a
Strange face and hear nothing
More than that there was something inside them
Emerging from silence, that to be outside of things
Was worth something. It meant seeing things
That do not look for meaning, the place on everybody
That does not ask because it is a secret moment like a freckle unnoticed
On the skin. I will not take your hurt, your eyes,
Something we understand but never say. There is pain somewhere
That I do not think about, it says
Something in the headphones of a man who is not looking
At anyone, while I am done with work
Taking in the tulips and a lost conversation
From an apartment in New York City

To a man someday that will never think about why


It is easier not to explain why its in a blue color
But not the sky, why its in water
But not the rain, why there is love everywhere
And the voice is eternally outside it
Wondering about a moment near the ocean
When nothing was there, not even the eye
Becoming the body, or this reason
That leaves the heart and touches
The thought between life and sound,
Not guilty of anything or the tulips after. And you know
It never made me happy to try and get there, now that I have seen.
And you know I would rather forget it
In the street as I pass, talk about the wind in the breeze instead,
Take away time and never say when it
Began, the hurt
Outside of our eyes, growing near the earth and never wondering why
I find myself in the past, looking away.
Dancing with the sorrow I could give you truth but there more in the invisibility fo my
words what I dont say you give me meaning but I keep my power surreal quality song
lets see about this dancing with the sorrows or crazy love well see haha what we cant
have think on this its easy right
This Apple
This apple is not an apple my love
Its my silence
Its an uncovered dream
I could try and tell you what it means
But I dont think anyone knows how
To do that
There are many more words in our silence
There are so many more worlds in a dream
Do you know how far this apple traveled
Just to kiss your lips
Do you understand what this apple has seen?
This apple traveled from New Orleans
Where an old tired man with blisters on his feet
Fought for it to survive the summer heat
And when it did he gave it to a woman
And told her to find you
You dont know the color of his eyes
But youll know when you see them he said
You dont know the sound of his voice
But youll know it when you hear it

Youll never forget


You dont know a silence like that yet
But youll soon know
And the woman walked to town and
Gave the apple to another man
Who gave the apple to a woman
Who gave it to a man
This apple has been
Through a thousand hands
It been through
Rough weather, Gods anger, wars, thievery, and deceit,
Poverty, wealth, cries, languages, and all the things we cheat
It had one hand in heaven and one hand hell
Holding a secret
That nobody on earth will ever tell
It been in everything
We miss
When were not looking
At what we miss
This apple has been through
A thousand histories
Just for your kiss
Do you ever think about it?
Do you believe in miracles?
Because it feels like a miracle that were here
Now
I never dreamed
We could be so near
It seemed impossible
For life to be this good
It like Im finally free
Like Im finally doing what I thought I never could
Its like I waited a million years
Just for this
This apple is not just an apple
You dont know how much your missed
Do you know how far this apple
Traveled
Just for your kiss
Thats how much I love you
Thats how much I love you
Life Is Beautiful or Crucify
No
You dont have to say a word
I already know what your tears mean

You cant hide


From what your face already shows
You cant deny
Your dreams
Can you just
Stand on the edge with your toes
Touching the end of the world
Open your arms out
Let the wind take your screams
Until youre free
Can you trust me that much
That I wont let you go?
Do you believe?
Every butterfly has a reason to cry
But they dont
They only live a summer
And then they die
But they choose life anyway
Just feel that moment when they fly
Its amazing how one moment
Can change us forever
How one touch can set us free
Its amazing
How the body has memory
That the mind forgets
When youre near, the small movements
That cause snow somewhere
Because in snow we hide
If you saw it
Would you know what it was?
Of all the things there is to be afraid of in the world
Youre most afraid of love
I know youre going to deny it
But while Im here Im going to really live
Im going to dance, Im going to laugh at it all
Im going to really cry
Im going to run up to you
And kiss you right
On the lips
Show you how beautiful you are
Im going to stand on the edge
And fall in to the stars
I'm going to get a little crazy
Im going to change everything they crucify
Im going to die in to it gloriously
Im going to really love every part of him
And I wont deny

Can you just


Stand on the edge with your toes
Touching the end of the world
Open your arms out
Let the wind take your screams
Until youre free
Can you leave yourself that vulnerable
To a stormy sky?
Can you take it all like him
And not ask why?
Knowing
Every butterfly was made to fly
For just once in your life
Dont try to understand
Trust that everything made of silence
Returns to carry us again
Sometimes the world gives us a hurricane
But if you could just learn to dance
In the pain
Arms open in a stormy sky
Making love to the thunder and the rain
Sometimes people give us a fight
But if we could just love through it all
We might learn how to live again
Sometimes the world gives us night
But if we could just see
That we are the light
I wrote you a love song
But you dont know it about you
Because you dont know how beautiful
You really are
If we just knew darkness comes to us
To find the stars
Do you trust me enough
To share with me your dreams
Do you trust me?
One day your going to look back
And just laugh it all
One day your going to let yourself
Fall
Look around you
Its all for you
Look around you
Life is beautiful
If only you could see it too
The way

That I see you


You would know
Youre beautiful too
If only you knew
For just once in your life
Dont try to understand
Trust that everything made of silence
Returns to carry us again
Sometimes the world gives us a hurricane
But if you could just learn to dance
In the pain
Arms open in a stormy sky
Making love to the thunder and the rain
Sometimes people give us a fight
But if we could just love through it all
We might learn how to live again
Sometimes the world gives us night
But if we could just see
That we are the light

When I die

Im going to miss the ocean


When I die
Every time it rains
I think this is the day he will kill me
Today is the day I will go
And the day is wasted
With the fear that this is the last time
The last conversation
The last coffee
For years while I was the Devils prisoner
10 years now his prisoner
Longer than 10 years
I dreamed of just swimming

Just swimming
Just jumping in to it
And being swallowed by it
And laughing in to it
And just getting lost in it
Just doing it
Just walking for hours
Out in the open air on the beach
Smelling the ocean and feeling the immensity
Of this world
As part of my soul
Opens as far and wide
As the water
And touches every part the water touches now
Feeling every soul that has crossed this path
Out of my body and in to air
Feeling the absolute peace and beauty of this world
The beach like my only freedom in the world
Now I think
I havent seen Chile or Italy or spoken Spanish
At fiestas
I didnt eat whole pizzas at once
Until I was so full I was sick
On pleasure
I havent fed you cake from my hand
Or drank white wine
At a caf in France

While I talked to the pessimistic poets


About the cruelty of the world and God
That told us there was love for us out there
But we couldnt have it
Even when that love
Was all we ever wanted
Ive never seen the Mona Lisas eyes
Follow me
To the next conversation
Or the next lover
Or the next day
Ive never seen cave paintings
Pull me into
The past where the body although gone now
Still has something to say
When it reaches for you
In flowers
I didnt see the real beauty in fruits
Or touch the real beauty
In a bird
Because the bird wouldnt let me hold her
I never learned to play the piano
Because they told me I was a bad singer
So that part of me was never born in to this world
What a shame
When music walked in, I didnt sing
I never road my bicycle

Across America
Knowing the philosophy of
Every seeker and the patience of every waiter
I didnt read the last poem
Because I was no longer there to write it
But say this, say this
Say I lived once
And I danced
Say I lived and never knew how the human heart works
When it guides your body
Without you
In to dancing
But I walked with the heart I never knew
While I was here
Now that I think of it
I didnt dance enough times to be happy,
Or cry enough times to see the cruelty of God
And the tragedy of man,
I didnt love enough people
To know love
Or make love enough times
To have a real orgasm
I forgot to tell the man I loved
I loved him
I forgot to laugh at the joke
I forgot to argue enough times
To be heard

It is unfair, cruel, mean, and not right what god has done to me
And all of us
He calls it justice
But he is a liar
God giving all evil a chance to win in life
When he gave evil death
And power
And what for
What for
Now I will die
And I never lived
Just once while feeling lonely
I will take a stranger in my arms
On the street
And kiss him wildly like I would die in moments
Without that kiss
And make love to him like
I am always saying goodbye
To the ocean
I will kiss every part of his skin
And hold his sadness
In my arms
I will tell him when I die
Bury me
Under the coffee plant
So that a part of me will become a part of the coffee
The future

Feeds on
So that some part of me
Will still be alive
Even when I am gone
When I die
Say that I was here
To know
To know it all
To understand the cruelty
And the injustice
To see the beauty and the ecstasy
No just say
Say that I loved
And drink a coffee for me
Knowing we are blessed by it
While We Were In Prison
Inspired by Paulo Coehlo
The world out there wasnt made for me. Once, when I looked out
I saw a moon so huge, orange, fiery and magnificent
Hugging the distant mountains like it was the last time
I forgot I was here, but it wasn't mine. It belong to someone else. And then
To make a love that deep that it lasts
Even when I am not there, to think about
How far I go without myself, or the cruelty
To desire and not be able to touch it
Or have it
The escape there, right on top of that mountain
Close enough to just kiss the sky
So tenderly that the ocean below still never stops
Fighting to reach it, to think that way
Here, of the real fight to be finally free, of wanting to touch beauty

When its all forbidden, even like your body at times


Cannot move in deep enough
Or long enough to really touch our pain jailer. I know Im not alone.
Many have been locked out of heaven, and I think of them now
Beaten and degraded
Lost
There are more of them than those that
Have been allowed to enter, but there are little invitations
In a piece of bread so warm and buttery
It is like heaven, an invitation in
A piece of pink sky I see from my window
And imagine my lover loved me too
When I know he doesnt
And how good it could be if it were all just love, or just the real body,
How magically it moves to be
Remembered here, nobody, not even the trees
Will forget the injustice
As they scream in the wind outside. Or
A long row of violets I cant see here but remember
Below a sky so long and bright
I forget myself there, forget everything, and become so huge
The birds begin to fall in love again and sing
Coming back to my window everyday
Just to sing to me while he starves me, and beats me,
And calls me ugly. But it has happened so many days
The beatings, I no longer feel them. I learned to
Go somewhere else, to a beach
In Paraguay, in some forgotten moment
Nobody knows but me, and I do that professionally
I dont let them see the heart, or the real face,
Or the love that keeps hope alive
Because I know his evil, I know if he saw
What was most dear to me
That is what he would steal this devil. Once music, it came to me
While I was crying like it was my only freedom
I felt so lost between the darkness of pain and
The truth of beauty that I felt like everything on earth
Was about to fall down and cry for me and I knew they were
They were crying for me
Thinking their sadness belonged to them
But I know it was mine. It was this. The jailor sits

With me all day, tormenting me and jostling me, then music comes back
It is the truth, even he couldnt deny it.
It came in through window, long uplifting violins and drums
From nowhere
That carried my body
Across the stage as he stared, and I was dancing
As he beat me, and every hit, I wouldnt stop. I was singing so loudly
Broken by so much pain
There was an earthquake ten miles away. Heaven
It seemed was scared of the mad pulsations of my body
That nobody dared touch me and yet
They were sorry for my pain, but I was angry and I would not stop. It is not a lie.
For a moment, I beat the jailor and I was so beautiful
He couldnt bare to kill me. He saw to much beauty
To take it away. I just danced. My hips like a hungry
Fire, my arms controlling it, not his fire, my devil husband
Not the fire that destroys
The fire that transforms, screaming look at me now you bastards,
Look at how beautiful I can be
And nobody could deny it
And before, nobody could see it, I sat in this prison ignored
And severely abused and it didnt matter
To me, it didnt matter to anybody,
It never mattered because I knew how to dance
I knew how to dance and I knew he didnt really know how to dance.
It cant be destroyed my friend, matter cant be destroyed
Although you try to take it from us, even the body
When it turns to ash, never leaves, it soaks in the flowers
You gave your wife last Thursday, it fertilized the grapes
For the wine, in the same way, when I think about it,
The cry never gets destroyed either, it becomes the thunder,
Or the volcano, or its still in the wind
When the body goes reaching for memory
Everywhere
Her trying to be heard finally
Dont tell me we have forgotten the crime, the crime of
Power, my love is more powerful than your hate. I have
So much love my love could save us all. I have so much love
My love makes the the sun rise
Every morning. Dont tell me
It doesnt matter to you, and yet I know

The cry has gotten the jailer too, and it moves us now
Across the world and in to another persons life
Where I just understand her for a moment,
Where I know the things she thinks
Nobody on earth knows about her, where we wish
We wish for better things, another place and the music
While Im here
Like a small invitation to enter for a moment
Unforgetting that thats what its like to be finally alive
And free. To just dance. The jailer
Overcome crosses the room. Kisses me violently
On the lips like I did something bad to him
All these years. I slap him, knowing how evil he is. I slap him for all of us.
And then we make love. I kiss him, he kisses me.
I fuck him, he fucks me. Where I am angry, he is angry.
Where there is no love, there is no love.
We know this will never change, but for now. While we are
Here together, we might as well have some fun
And explore each other bodies. Give each other such pleasure
It makes a life like this worth something. Its not forgiveness.
Its acceptance that this is what he did to us
Its a kind of release for a moment
Not to leave but
To change the jailer

The Great Forgetting


Yesterday I knew that we dont die
We just forget.
We were talking in bed and I called you evil for the millionth time
Because you are evil. I told you you need to relax
You are too tense, evil, and angry.
Then we talked about giving you a massage to relax
And weirdly
I wanted to give something to you
I wanted to ease you
I said I would rub your arms, then your shoulders,
Then fingers, then youre your back,
I would tickle your head, put my fingers through your hair,
Go down your legs to your toes
Rub the pain right out of you
As you just lie there in surrender
To peace
You said I know what you would do
Youd take your fingers and softly
Tickle my sides up and down

Youd softly touch my legs with just the tips of your fingers
And you would blow on my body
I said How did you know I like to do that?
I do love to do that but I havent done that to anyone.
You told me I did do it
I told you I didnt
But I knew I loved to do that
And that is what I would do
With the tips of my fingers
I would softly rub my fingers up and down
The sides of your body
Then I said, That happened in another world
When you were a king.
We havent done that here.
Maybe we were in love then, but we are no longer love.
Here you have betrayed me
And severely abused me.
You will never be forgiven for what youve done to me
Here.
Maybe it was somewhere else you said.
Maybe that is what happens when you come to earth
You get betrayed by the king.
And yet, I told you I would put on soft music
And make you relax in a bath.
I would hug your body
Without any sexual touches.
I would just hug it and rub it
Until you are at total peace
You close your eyes, I
Pour water on your skin and blow in your ear
Not because I want to, I said. Not because youve loved
Me the way you should.
Youve belittled and degraded me
You shame me,
But, because youve made being your wife my duty.
If Im stuck in this
It feels better to love than to hate
Not that you deserve my love
When I hate too much, I feel like I could go crazy
Youve been a really evil man Angel
You said Then I cry.
I said, Youve been needing to cry.
And I just hold you
And kiss your tears
You tell me you love me
But I dont believe you