VICTORIOUS

SECRETS

Exploring a biblical view of sex

By
Remy Diederich
Cedarbrook Church

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Some sermons on sex focus on God's view of sex within marriage. This series takes a look at what the
Bible has to say about sex outside of marriage. Is it all about hand-slapping, restrictive, Victorian
thinking? Or is there a higher purpose to God's call to sexual purity?

• Part One: The Call to Purity. Rather than looking at what God is against, Remy looks at what
God is for in calling us to purity. Page 2.

• Part Two: The Secret of Purity. Remy starts by addressing two misconceptions that people have
regarding the biblical teaching on sexual immorality (that it's just for single people and that it's
meant to condemn us) and then he reveals what he considers to be the Victorious Secret in regard
to resisting sexual temptation (and all temptation for that matter). This is a classic teaching that
every believer should be familiar with if they want to live a life that looks like Jesus. Page 13.

• Part Three: This message looks at the growing epidemic of sex addiction in the church. Remy
gives a checklist of steps to take to find freedom from this addiction. Page 23.

Part One: The Call to Purity

By Remy Diederich
Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

I read a survey once that asked people what topics they wanted addressed at church and the
number one topic was “sex”. 42% of the people polled said that their pastor didn’t preach on sex
enough. So, for the 42% of you that thinks that way, that’s what I’m talking about for the next
three weeks.

You know, when I say the word “sex” different things come to mind. I think the media has
portrayed sex as recreational fun for consenting adults, but sex is really different things to
different people. Some good and some bad. As I reflected on what sex means to the various
people I’ve spoke to through the years I wrote this down;

For some people, sex is casual fun with various partners, but to others sex is…
sex is God’s gift of intimacy between husband and wife.
To some sex is an act of rebellion against God while for others
NOT having sex is an act of obedience to God.
To some sex is a competition among peers;
the goal is to have as much sex with as many people as possible.
But then to others sex is about faithfulness to one person for life.
To some sex is about dominating while to others it’s about being dominated.
To some sex is a way to make money, while to others it’s a way to spend money.
To some sex is about boasting while to others it’s about regret.
To some sex is about abuse and pain while to others it’s about healing and joy.
To some sex is full of excitement and ecstasy while to others it’s full of fear and dread.
And to some sex is an uncontrollable addiction while to others sex is simply… boring.

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Isn’t that strange that sex can be so many things to so many people? And so what can I say over
three Sundays that will address everyone where they are at? That’s what I’ve been asking God
this past week.

And to make things worse, I read an article in USA Today that makes me wonder if people even
want to hear what I have to say. The article was written by Stephen Prothero who is a professor
of religion at Boston University. He talked about his Introduction to Religion class where he
asks his students to get into groups and create their own religion. This is what he says about the
religions that they come up with…
What strikes me most about my students' religions,… is how similar they are. Almost
invariably, they mix fun with faith. (Facebookismianity anyone?) But they do not mix
faith with dogma. My students are careful — exceedingly careful — not to tell one
another what to believe, or even what to do. …They made few demands, either
intellectually or morally…In the religions of their imagining, … They want to experience
joy because of their bodies, not despite them. And they don't want to be told what to do
with those bodies, or with whom. USA Today, February 4, 2008, Is Religion Losing the
Millennial Generation?

If that describes the kind of religion you are interested in you might be in the wrong place this
morning because we are going to look at what the Bible has to say about sex and the Bible
doesn’t hesitate to tell us what to do with our bodies and with whom. But I hope you’ll hear me
out because I think it’s important to hear the other side of the story.

What I mean by that is that every day through television and music and movies we are preached
to about the virtues of casual sex. We can all preach that gospel. Whether we agree with it or not
we know what it is simply because we hear it so often. But how often do you hear what the Bible
has to say about sex? How many of us would say we have a clear understanding of what the
Bible says about sex and why?

If I was a young person who was serious about following Jesus I'd be asking the question;
How come no one is talking about sex? How come no one wants to give me biblical
direction about sex? There are a lot of voices out there telling me that the smart thing to
do is to just indulge myself. There are even Christians telling me that it’s not a big deal.
“It’s natural.” “It’s love.” But the church seems to be silent. Why is that? Are they
embarrassed? Are they unsure? If there is a biblical alternative to what the world has to
offer then I want to hear it.

And so, if you are that person with those questions, then I’ve got a few things to share with you
this morning. I want to invite you to join me on a journey through the New Testament to see if
we can get an understanding of God’s view of sex…specifically God’s view of sex outside of
marriage. To hear what I had to say about God’s view of sex inside of marriage checkout my
sermons on our website, “Let’s Get Personal…about sex” (part one) and “Developing a Heart
for God” (part four).

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Now, right off the bat, what strikes me about the Bible is how much sex is mentioned. Just about
every book in the New Testament directly addresses the sex lives of those who profess to follow
Jesus. In fact, in the book of Acts, it tells an interesting story where the church was trying to
figure out the very bare minimum that should be required of people who chose to follow Jesus.

Some people thought that Christians should obey the entire Jewish law. Others thought that
there should be no rules. So all the apostles got together and made this decision…
It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the
following requirements: You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood,
from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. Acts 15:28,29
So abstaining from sexual immorality was seen as a basic lifestyle issue for the first followers of
Jesus.

Now, we looked at the term “sexual immorality” a few weeks ago. Sexual immorality is simply
any sexual activity outside of marriage. Sometimes the Bible gets more specific and talks about
different kinds of sexual immorality like adultery or homosexuality or prostitution. And if the
Bible was written today I think it would have included pornography too. In fact, the Greek word
for sexual immorality is “porneia” which is where we get our word pornography.1 But the
simplest way to think about sexual immorality – and the way that puts all sexual sin on the same
level – is to see it as any sex outside of marriage.

So my point here is that in the early church, sexual purity was seen as a central component to the
lifestyle of a committed follower of Jesus. Sexual purity was maintained by keeping sexual
activity limited to covenant marital relationships.

Now, sometimes people say things like,

“Oh, the church makes a big deal about sex but the real issues that God is concerned
about are issues of justice.”
But that’s not what the Bible says. The Bible certainly promotes the cause of justice but it never
polarizes sexual purity and justice so we are forced to choose between one or the other. There’s
something about sexual purity that is at the core of who God wants us to be. So I think it’s
imperative that we take the time to wrestle with it until we understand it.

Let’s turn to another passage in the book of Ephesians. The apostle Paul is writing to the church
in Ephesus and laying out the goal of every church community…
… we, the church, [should] continue to grow spiritually until we all reach unity in the
faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, living like Jesus lived
in every way. Ephesians 4:12,13

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Jesus expands the idea of sexual immorality beyond action to viewing and thinking. He said, You have heard that
it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27,28 And… For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder,
adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean…Matthew
15;19,20

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Paul is telling us that both as individuals and as a community, we are to grow up spiritually until
we function like Jesus on earth. You see, Jesus came into the world to give us an idea of who
God is. And, now that he’s gone, where are people supposed to look to get an idea of who God
is? To us, his church. At least, that’s the way it’s meant to be. We are supposed to be an
example to the world to help them grasp who God is. We are his representatives, his
ambassadors. That’s a very high calling. We may not like that responsibility. It might seem out
of our reach. But that is what God has called us to and so we can’t treat it lightly.

Now, if our calling is to represent God to the world, then Paul tells us that we need to start living
a different kind of life. We can’t just resume our old lifestyle after encountering Jesus. So Paul
contrasts how we should live with how pagan Gentiles lived in that day.
So I tell you this, and insist on it with the Lord, that you must no longer live as the
Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and
separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the
hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to
sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You,
however, did not come to know Christ that way. Ephesians 4:17-20

Paul says that we do not come to know Jesus by indulging our passions. And we’ll never mature
in Christ or represent him well if we are continually lusting for more – more food, more sex, and
more money, more of whatever we think we need. That kind of lifestyle is inconsistent with
whom we are in Christ.

So, then, what kind of life should we be living? Paul says…

Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. Ephesians 5:1
The word “imitator” here means to mimic. Parents, have you ever seen your children mimic you?
They say what you say or do what you do? That’s what Paul is saying that we should do with
our heavenly father. We should mimic him.

Now, think about this. Don’t you find it amazing that Paul even thinks that imitating God is a
possibility for us mere mortals? Isn’t the character of God so far out of reach that only a fool
would think that they could reflect the image of God? Well, apparently not…at least not from
Paul’s perspective. Paul seems to think that imitating God is fully in the realm of our capability.

The point here is that we don’t have to live like animals driven by our passions. We are more
like God than we are animals and therefore we can rise above the sensuality that the rest of the
world thinks we have to live in.

So what is it about God that Paul wants us to mimic?

… live a life of love… Ephesians 5:2

That sounds warm and fuzzy. But what does a life of love look like?
… live a life of love … just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant
offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual

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 immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's
holy people. Ephesians 5:2,3

In other words, in order to look like God our lives shouldn’t be driven by our lusts but by
sacrificing our lusts and desires in order to benefit others. You see, God never intended for us to
simply live to please ourselves. Our calling is to be a blessing to others. That’s how we imitate
God. We are called to live a life of sacrifice. And one of the things we sacrifice as followers of
Jesus is the desire to put our needs first.

And did you see what it said? It said that if we want to imitate God, to mimic him, there must
not be even a hint of sex outside of marriage in our midst. That means that wherever you look in
the church, no matter what rock you turn over, you shouldn’t find serious followers of Jesus
engaged in sex outside of marriage…and remember that includes pornography. 2
Now, as most of you know, we welcome people here at Cedarbrook who are in-process
spiritually. Many people here wouldn’t necessarily call themselves a serious follower of Jesus.
And that’s fine. So if you are in that category, don’t worry. We won’t judge you. We respect
where you are at. We aren’t trying to hold you to a standard that you never agreed to. But if you
consider yourself a follower of Jesus then Paul tells us that there shouldn’t even be a hint of
sexual immorality in our lives and if there is you need to do something about it.

He’s so firm on this point that he even takes it to the next level. He says…
…and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting,
but rather giving of thanks. Ephesian 5:4

He says, When I talk about no hint of sexual immorality that includes dirty jokes. And so the
point that Paul is making here is that followers of Jesus should abstain from sexual immorality
because…sexual purity reflects God’s nature. And that’s our calling – to help people understand
God by reflecting his nature. People should be able to understand the holiness of God by seeing
how we model holiness.

Now, you might say, Remy, come on. That’s unrealistic. I could never do that. You’ve set the
bar too high. But yes you can! That’s your legacy as a follower of Jesus. Don’t let the world
rob you of your calling. Don’t belittle yourself by saying you can’t do it. You can.

Some people might call this teaching restrictive. That it’s negative. It’s all about what we can’t
do. But I see it in just the opposite way. I see this teaching as freeing. It’s freeing because it
tells me that I don’t have to be driven by my passions – that I am not helpless to do whatever my
body tells me to do. I can choose my behavior. I can choose to imitate God. And I think there
are a lot of people that need to hear that message – people who are being controlled by their
sexual passions. They need to hear that it doesn’t have to be that way. They can choose to live a
different kind of life and God will give them power to do that.

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Pornography is a huge problem in church today. Someone has said that internet porn is the “crack cocaine” of sex
because it is readily available and offers a quick fix. Some estimates say that up to 50% of the population struggles
with pornography and those figures hold for pastors too.
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So, that’s one reason why God calls us to sexual purity. But there is another common theme that
the New Testament often hits on in regard to sex and we see it in Paul’s letter to the Corinthian
church.
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the
body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 1
Corinthians 6:13,14

What Paul means here is that the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead now lives in us.
And God’s spirit living in us gives us the ability to resist sexual temptation. That’s what makes
us different from the animals – that’s what enables us to imitate God. God’s Spirit lives inside of
us. Then Paul says…
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? 1 Corinthians 6:15

He’s saying, if you only knew how Jesus sees you! He sees you as an extension of his very
body! You are an extension of Jesus’ body just like his arms or legs. So when you engage in
sexual immorality you are bringing Jesus into that relationship. Is that really what you want to
do? Probably not. So Paul tells us to…
Flee from sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6: 18

That means that whenever you see it, run. Get as far away from it as fast as you can. Not
because you are afraid or some kind of naïve religious person but because we don’t even want a
hint of it around us to ruin the image of God in our lives. We don’t want anything to detract
from our high calling to represent God.

Then Paul says something very interesting. People often say that “sin is sin” and the church
shouldn’t pick on sex as being any worse of a sin. But listen to what Paul says here…
All other sins a man commits are outside his body but he who sins sexually sins against
his own body. 1 Corinthians 6: 18

In other words, most sin hurts other people, like lying or stealing, etc. But sexual sin hurts
yourself as well as others. You may not be aware of how it’s hurting you… but it is. It’s taking
something from you; physically, emotionally and spiritually. Now, you might say,
Yeah, so what? It’s my body. I can do what I want with it.

But Paul tells us the problem with that kind of attitude.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you
have received from God? 1 Corinthians 6: 19

Paul says that your body is much more than skin and bones. If you have chosen to follow Jesus,
the Spirit of the living God is inside of you.

Think about this; If you had a container at home that actually held the presence of God, where
would you put that container? It doesn’t have to be a fancy contain. It could be a shoe box or a
grocery bag or a jar. But where would you put it and how would you treat it? Would you treat it
like all your other boxes with junk? Would you throw it in the basement or in the garage with

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the oil spills or up in the attic where it collects dust? I doubt it. I think you’d take care of that
container. I think you’d put that container in a special place set apart from all the other boxes.
You’d probably put it on the mantle or in the middle of your dining room table or maybe you’d
get rid of your television and put the container there. You see, you would treat the container
with great care, not because the container is special but because the contents is special.

I read in yesterday’s paper that there’s a Scotch Whiskey that sells for $12,000 a bottle. It’s
Macallen Scotch and they only make about 420 bottles of it each year. There’s a bar in St. Paul
that purchased four bottles of it, the only four in the entire Midwest. How do you think they treat
that bottle of Scotch? Do you think they let it set with all the other cheap bottles? No. They
keep it under lock and key in a special illuminated glass vault that showcases the special amber
color of that whiskey.

My point is if we treat a bottle of Scotch with that kind of care…how much more should we care
for our body that holds the Spirit of God? Doesn’t it make sense that we should restrict
ourselves from certain behaviors because of the contents residing within us? Paul concludes…
You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:20
You see, once you decide to dedicate your life to Jesus God calls you to a higher place. You
now have a higher calling. You now have a purpose that you didn’t have before you met Jesus.
You are now his ambassador and his calling on your life takes precedent over your personal
desires or the desires that others have for you. What you choose to do with your body actually
takes on meaning. You can’t compare yourself to your non-Christian friends. You are serving
two different masters with two different agendas for your life. And so my second point here is
that we abstain from sexual immorality because we are the temple of God’s Spirit.

You know, it’s very sad to me that in a sexually sin sick world that the church has failed to offer
people a positive alternative. I don’t blame the world for their sexual sin. If you don’t have God
you have to try and fill the longing of your soul in some way. But God has shown us a better
way. He’s called us away from being controlled by our passions to a place of dignity – a place
of purity where we actually look like God so we can represent him to the world. For those of
you that have worked hard at maintaining your purity I hope this encourages you. I hope this
casts your struggle in a more positive light.

Now, before I close I want to offer one more story to make sure you don’t leave here beating
yourself up.

You probably heard this Bible story but just in case you haven’t let me give you a few details.
There was a man and a woman committing adultery. We aren’t sure of the situation but it was
probably a married man with a prostitute. And someone caught them in the act of having sex.
And so they dragged the woman out into the open and the Jewish elders surrounded her with
stones ready to kill her when Jesus stepped up and said…
All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" Then
Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them

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 condemn you?" "No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no
more." John 8:9-11

And so for those of us here who are engaged in sexual immorality there are two important
lessons for you straight from Jesus. First, understand that Jesus doesn’t condemn you. You
don’t have to leave here today with your head hanging down. You don’t have to beat yourself
up. In fact the opposite is true. God wants you to understand how valuable you are – that he sees
you as his child and therefore he wants you to treat yourself with dignity and respect. So
remember, your sin has been forgiven.

But the other thing that you need to hear from Jesus is to “go and sin no more”. Just because
you’ve been forgiven doesn’t mean that he’s okay with your sin. He wants you to walk in purity
and he’s committed to helping you change.

Now, you might say, Remy, I can’t do that. You don’t understand my situation. If I stop
sleeping with my boyfriend he’ll dump me. Or, I’ve tried stopping internet porn and I can’t. I’m
addicted. Or, I’m attracted to people of my same sex and I can’t help that. So, this teaching is all
fine and good and biblical but it doesn’t work for me. Well, I appreciate that. I really do. I
understand that these issues are hard and there are no easy answers.

But I want to encourage you to wrestle with this. Don’t be too quick to give up. Following Jesus
has never been easy. If anyone ever told you that following Jesus was all about joy and
jellybeans then they sold you a bill of goods. So please come back next week when I talk more
specifically about the Victorious Secret. Like I said at the beginning we all know the arguments
for why we should engage in sex outside of marriage. Let’s at least expose ourselves to the other
side of the story.

I want to leave you with four websites to turn to for some help along these lines.
• www.covenanteyes.com/
• www.xxxchurch.com/gethelp/men.php
• www.lustfreeliving.org/
• www. Puredesire.org

And here is a book that we have out in the lobby that many people have found helpful: Sex, Men
and God, by Douglas Weiss.

Prayer: Father, this is a sensitive topic that requires your Spirit’s intervention to teach us in our
hearts. No words from me will change us or conform us into your image. I invite you to come
and lead us into all truth. Give us the courage to walk away from the “Gospel of Casual Sex”
and learn from you how you want us to imitate you so that we might represent you well to the
world. Thank you for your willingness to cleanse us from our sin. Empower us to go and sin no
more. Amen.

From Remy’s blog…Thinking Out Loud About….Cedarbrook, Monday, February 11, 2008:

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The Pain of Porneia

We learned on Sunday that the Greek word for sexual immorality is "porneia". Surrounding
this whole topic of sex is so much pain, confusion and disillusionment. It makes things
very complex.

I've already had a few conversations with people involved in the pain of pornei and I'm so
thankful to hear from them. I just wrote to one thanking them for having the courage to
talk to me. I wrote...

....what so often happens in Bible teaching is that we lay out "the truth" and everyone
who doesn't fit with the truth lays there bleeding and feeling like no one understands
their situation. But Paul talked about "truth and grace". As a biblical community we have
to find the balance of the two...I need to preach with an awareness of the pain that
people endure around this topic.

I mention this as a bit of a caution to us to tread lightly around sensitive issues like sex. I
find it very difficult to teach on what the Bible says because many of the biblical texts
regarding sexual immorality are addressing extreme cases of orgy and temple prostitution
prevalent in ancient Greek culture. The passions that drive people into these settings are
more obviously rooted in pure greed and selfishness. So the Bible attacks the people
engaged in this lifestyle aggressively and understandably so.

But if we apply those scriptures with equal weight to people in our culture today – let’s
say to a couple living together- it might not be fair. In fact, people today often push back
on biblical teaching about sexual immorality because they don't like being thrown in the
same camp as these people. I can't blame them. I think there is a difference.

So we need to carefully tease the underlying principles of sexual purity from the Bible
that we can apply today without embracing the full condemnation that was targeted at
people steeped in carnal idol worship.

It's the complexity of this topic that causes the wide range of teaching on sex throughout
all churches. If you apply the texts to all people without taking into consideration the
cultural differences, you'll wound a lot of people, implying that their relationships are all
about selfish sex and devoid of any self sacrificing love. I don’t think that’s true. But if
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you throw up your hands and say, "The biblical text has nothing to say to our culture
today" then I think you lose sight of a very central theme throughout the Bible and that is
holiness; the idea that as God's people we are set apart to live a life for God and not
ourselves. And holiness requires that we sacrifice our desires at times to please God.

All this to say that, as with any sermon I preach, let's wrestle with these things together
and not polarize into camps. We can learn from each other as we all share from each
other's perspective. I want to stimulate thought and discussion, not only with each other
but with God. We may not all agree but we'll be better for having had the conversation.
So, let's be careful with one another, understanding that for some the topic of sex is very
sensitive and painful. I don't want to drive anyone away or "into the closet" because they
don't feel like anyone wants to hear their side.

I invite your input, here or directly through email or one on one conversation.

Going Deeper

Use the following questions to journal your answers during personal study or discuss them with
your small group, family or friends.

1. What are some of the messages (explicit and implicit; that is, spoken and implied)
that you’ve heard from the church regarding sex?

2. What are some of the dangers of talking about sex and not talking about it in
church?

3. Read the following verses and see what they have in common (other than sexual
immorality). In other words, what are some other things that sexual immorality is often
associated with? Is there a correlation between sexual immorality and these other sins?
o Matthew 15:19
o Galatians 5:19,20
o Colossians 3:5
o 1 Corinthians 6:15,16
o 2 Corinthians 12:20,21
o Romans 13:11-14
o Acts 15:20
o 1 Thessalonians 4:3
o Revelation 2:14, 20
o Revelation 9:21
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4. Prostitution was often a big part of pagan religions. Sexual immorality was common place in
both the secular and religious world. So the Christian message, rooted in Jewish tradition with a
holy God, was very foreign to Gentiles. As a result, the church was constantly confronting
sexual immorality in the church. How is this like our culture today? How is it not like our
culture today?

5. Many sermons take a negative approach to sexual immorality, telling us all the bad things that
will happen if we engage in it. That’s not necessarily a bad approach. But in Ephesians 5:1-10
and 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 Paul mentions two positive reasons to avoid sexual immorality. What
are they? (Hint: they are the two points from Remy's sermon).

6. Read Ephesians 5:5,6. These verses need to be carefully understood. They are not self-
evident and can easily be used to condemn people wrongly. What are some possible
interpretations of these verses? (If this question stumps you, email Remy for his answer!
remy@cedarbrookchurch.net

7. Not everyone struggles with sexual temptation to the same degree. What does the sin of
sexual immorality have in common with other sin such as overspending, overeating,
overdrinking, overangering, etc? If you can't relate to sexual sin, maybe you can relate better to
one of these.

8. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6 to “Flee sexual immorality”. What are some ideas that you
have that could help you or others do this?

9. In our culture today, where people get married much later than they did in ancient culture,
sexual purity comes at a high cost both in personal denial and peer pressure. Is it worth it to you
to maintain sexual purity in order to honor God?

10. In John 8 Jesus told the woman that she was not condemned but that she should sin no more.
What would your response to Jesus be if he said that to you

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Victorious Secret…exploring a biblical view of sex.
Part Two: The Secret of Purity
By Remy Diederich
Copyright 2008, all rights reserved

Last week I started a three week series called Victorious Secret… exploring a biblical view of
sex. I’m looking specifically at what the Bible has to say about sex outside of marriage. It’s a
great topic and it’s creating a lot of questions and discussion. And as I heard people wrestling
with this whole topic it reminded me of a story that I heard a few weeks back that made me
smile.

There was a young man who decided to move in with his girlfriend. Now the boy’s mom didn’t
like this. She didn’t think they should be sleeping together before marriage but the son assured
her that their moving in together was purely for financial reasons. In fact he said, “Mom, look,
you don’t have to worry. Why don’t you come over on Friday for supper and I’ll show you our
two bedrooms with our separate beds.”

That made her feel better. So she agreed to that. When Friday night came she went over to her
son’s house and sure enough he showed her the two bedrooms with two separate beds. Then
they had a delightful supper and she went home.

But the next morning the girlfriend was working in the kitchen and she realized that the soup
ladle was gone that she had just used the night before. She looked all over for it thinking that
maybe someone had misplaced it but she couldn’t find it anywhere.

So she says to her boyfriend “I’m not saying your mom took the soup ladle and I’m not saying
she didn’t. All I know is that it was here last night and now it’s gone.” And he says, “Well, what
do you think I should do? Should I call my mom?” And she said, “Whatever you think is best.”

So the boy finally gets up the courage to call his mom and says, “Mom, it was really good to
have you over last night but our soup ladle is missing. Now, I’m not saying that you took it and
I’m not saying you didn’t. But do you know where the soup ladle could be?”

And then the mom says, “It’s funny you should ask because you know how I’ve been struggling
over the fact that the two of you might be sleeping together. And I’m not saying that you are
sleeping with her and I’m not saying that you aren’t but if your girlfriend would have slept in her
own bed last night, she would have found the soup ladle.”

Moms just have a way of finding out the truth, don’t they?

Well, last week we looked in the book of Ephesians where Paul cast a vision of the role of every
believer and every church and that is to represent God on earth to the world. No small calling.
We are to be God’s ambassadors and it’s because of that that Paul unapologetically tells us …
Be imitators of God. Ephesians 5:1

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Imagine that! Paul thinks that imitating God is even a possibility! That just blows me away.
Here I am stumbling through life, just trying to keep my nose clean and not end up in the
headlines of the local paper and Paul tells me to get a bigger view of my life’s purpose. I am to
imitate God! I am God’s ambassador on earth!

But he doesn’t stop there. In order to fulfill this calling he gets very specific and says…
…there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity…
Ephesians 5:2,3

Now, we learned last week that sexual immorality is any sex outside of marriage which includes
pornography. And Paul is unequivocal here in what he has to say about this. He said that as
representatives of a holy God there isn’t room for a hint…a faint whisper or smell…of impurity
of any kind. That’s what I talked about last week.

Now, I realize that God’s call to purity is not easy. I don’t expect to just throw this idea out and
have everyone immediately conform. I realize that this is a big issue and people are going to
have to work through it. And so, in just a minute I want to give us some very practical advice
about maintaining our purity by resisting sexual temptation. But first I want to touch on two
misconceptions that some of us have about the biblical teaching on sex.

Two Misconceptions
The first misconception is that sexual immorality is just about singles. You know, sometimes I
hear people say things like,
I don’t have to worry about sexual immorality because I’m married.
Wouldn’t that be nice? Too many people think that marriage is going to solve everything for
them sexually until they find themselves drawn to that person at work or they find themselves
drawn to those internet porn sites. Suddenly sexual immorality is as real to them at that moment
as it was when they were single.

Video: Shows the struggles of a young married couple as the husband comes clean on his secret life of
pornography.

Pornography destroys lives. It destroys marriages. And if we don’t understand that we are
headed down a very dangerous path. So if you are married and engaged in pornography you are
waist deep in sexual immorality and you need to do something about it. Don’t kid yourself that
it’s only natural. It’s not. As Paul said,
The body is not made for sexual immorality…so honor God in your body. 1 Corinthians
6:13-20

You see, sexual immorality knows no bounds. It’s everywhere. In fact I was watching CNN the
other morning and their scrolling banner at the bottom of the screen said…
“Click on our website to see 1500 photos from the 2008 Sports Illustrated swimsuit
issue.”
You can’t even watch the news without being invited to lust.

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But sexual immorality is much more than what we do. It’s about what we think. Jesus said…
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false
testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; Matthew 15:19,20

Jesus also said…

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone
who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27,28

Jesus just knows us too well, doesn’t he? He doesn’t take the simplistic approach and merely
slap the hands of those who do something wrong. He goes much deeper and talks about the root
of our behavior, our thought life. He exposed every weak excuse and spoke in a way that
indicted everyone. He didn’t let anyone off the hook. That’s not because he wants to shame us.
He just wants us to understand how pervasive sin is and how much we need him to purify our
hearts.

So, let’s not be so naïve as to think that sexual immorality is just a problem that singles have. It’s
not their problem… It’s everybody’s problem. And the quicker we admit that the quicker we can
become the people that God wants us to be.

The second misconception about the biblical view of sex is that it’s meant to condemn us. I
talked to a few people this week who said that hearing my sermon last week just made them feel
bad about themselves which was unfortunate because that wasn’t my intent. And so I said to
them,
Look, God doesn’t call you to purity to shame you for your past. He calls you to purity to
give you something better, both now and in your future.

You see, when some of us look at our past we look at it through the lens of our sin and our
failures. And that’s why we feel so ashamed. But when God looks at our lives, he looks at them
through the lens of the cross of Jesus. So he’s not focusing on who we were and what we’ve
done. He’s focusing on who we are in Christ and who we’ll become. He sees us as new
creations in Christ.

It’s like on the show Extreme Makeover. People often live in this dumpy or inadequate house and
what does the show do? They come in and demolish the house. They don’t do that to make the
family feel bad. It’s not meant to shame them for owning a bad house. They just have to remove
the old to make way for the new.

Now, if you’ve watched the show, they send the family away on vacation while they build them
a new home. Then they bring the family back and initially hide their view of the new house with
a big bus. And then what does everyone say? MOVE THAT BUS! And that’s when the family
has that eye popping experience of getting their dream home.

But imagine if the family got off the bus and felt so ashamed of their old house that they didn’t
want the bus to move. They are convinced that there’s still a wreck of a house sitting there and

15
that the show is one big set up to shame them. And so they walk away without ever even seeing
the house. That would be crazy right?

But that’s exactly how some of us are with God. We have no idea what God has done for us. We
have no idea that on the other side of that “bus” our dream life is waiting for us. And we are so
filled with shame that we walk away rather than tell the bus to move. Isn’t that sad? I see this all
the time…people sacrificing God’s best because they are so convinced that they are worthless.
But that’s why we need a community surrounding us that says…
Move that bus! Stop believing the lie. Let go of your past. And receive all that God has
for you!

The Victorious Secret

Okay…well, those are just two sidebars for you that I felt needed addressing. This morning I
want to teach us a very important secret about victory over sin. It’s not only the secret to fight
sexual temptation. It’s the secret to fight all temptation. So whatever it is you struggle with this
morning, I think this will help.

Now, there are three parts to this secret…three truths that we need to know. I can’t emphasize
enough how important these three things are to your ability to overcome sin. Every Christian
should have these three points put to memory along with the scripture verses that back them up.

1. You have been forgiven and cleansed.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous and will forgive us our sins AND purify
us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Now, you might not think that forgiveness is much of a secret. We talk about that all the time.
But it’s the second part of this verse that many people over look. I think people hear that they
are forgiven and they might believe that but the problem is that they still feel dirty. They feel like
their past life will always be with them, that they can’t get away from it. They feel like they
have a permanent stain that they will carry to their grave. And it’s so strong that it has become
their identity. [You might say that this identity is their “bus” that keeps them from the life that
God has for them.]

But look what it says…God doesn’t just forgive us…what does it say? He purifies us. That
means that he cleanses us. Some of you need to hear this. God not only forgives your sin but he
eradicates it from your record. That means that when you run for president and the investigators
come to dig up your past there’s nothing there. God’s files are empty. God says,
I’m sorry, their past file is empty but I have a lot of things in their “future” file. I’ve got
a lot of exciting plans for them. But I don’t have any dirt from their past to give you.

That’s because it says here that God purifies us from …how much unrighteousness? Some?
Most? The small stuff? No… God purifies us from ALL unrighteousness. It doesn’t matter
what you’ve done or how much you’ve done. God not only forgives you he cleanses you and
when God cleanses you there aren’t even any water spots.
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But it tells us something else here. It tells us that God is faithful to do this. That means that we
can count on him to forgive us and cleanse us. He doesn’t just do it for his favorites. He does it
for everybody.

You know, this idea of being forgiven and cleansed is so important in regard to our purity. Let
me explain what I mean. If you see yourself as forgiven but still dirty, how will that affect your
behavior? I think if you are convinced that you are permanently stained that you continue to sin.
Why? Because, think about this…what have you got to lose? If you sin more you will still be
forgiven and you will still be dirty…just a little more so. Nothing has changed. So you might as
well keep sinning, right? That’s what a lot of people think and I think this has a lot to do with
why they get stuck in a lifestyle of sin that they never break free from.

But if you see yourself as perfectly clean, I think you are going to think twice before you go
tromping through a mud puddle again. If you see yourself as having been purified from all
unrighteousness by the death of Jesus, I think you will be so thankful for what God has done that
you will want to do all you can to imitate God and reflect his character in your life.

So that’s the first part of the secret – that you are not only forgiven by God but cleansed. The
second part of the secret is that…

2. You have God’s Spirit inside of you to strengthen you in your weakness.
The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as he raised
Christ from the dead, he will give life to your human body by this same Spirit living
within you. Romans 8:11

It tells us twice here that God’s Spirit lives in us. I underlined it. I like to see that repetition
because that means that Paul is emphasizing it. He wants to make sure we get this point. And
notice the two phrases here… “just as” and “by this same”.
And just as he raised Christ from the dead, he will give life to your human body by this
same Spirit living within you.

Do you see that? Paul is making a direct comparison between how God moved in Jesus’ life and
how he wants to move in your life. I find it amazing that God would do anything toward us that
he did toward Jesus. To be put on that same level is very humbling. But Paul tells us that God
will give life or power to your body in the face of temptation in the same way that he gave life to
Jesus’ dead body. Can you grasp what this means for you? You need to take this to the bank
and draw on it every day because it’s powerful stuff.

Paul’s addressing those of us who say that we can’t stand up to temptation because it’s too hard.
He’d say to us, That’s not true! If you have God’s Spirit living inside of you, you can stand up to
any temptation.

That’s why he says so emphatically…

You have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.
Romans 8:12

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You need to stand in front of the mirror and quote that verse to yourself! Paul was convinced that
because God’s spirit lives inside of us we have no reason to cave in to temptation.

So, that’s the second part of the secret. Part three of the secret is this:

3. You died to sin when Jesus died. Sin has no power over you. Let me read you several
verses that make this point:
…you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world,.. Colossians 2:20

…you died when Christ died,… Colossians 3:3

…don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his
death?
Romans 6:3

I have been crucified with Christ. Galatians 2:19

Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and
desires. Galatians 5:24

Let me ask you, if you consider yourself as “belonging to Christ” is this your testimony – that
you have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires?

My guess is that many of us have never even heard these verses, or if we have, we don’t know
what they mean. To be honest… I’m not so sure I do either! But let me do my best to help us
understand.

When Paul tells us that we died with Christ he’s talking about something very mystical. It’s hard
to explain. I can only describe it. It’s as if at the moment you put your faith in Jesus that you
stepped into a time capsule and went back to the death of Jesus. And as Jesus was being nailed
to the cross, you were nailed to that cross with him. And as he hung there and died, you hung
their and died as well.

Now, I don’t know how this all works, all I know is what the Bible tells us and it tells us that
when Jesus died, we died to sin. Somehow, sin mysteriously lost its power over us. So, just as a
dead person can’t sin – the Bible tells us that you don’t have to sin either because you are dead to
sin. Sin no longer has power over you.

Now, you might say, Oh, not true, not true! Sin has a lot of power over me! But here’s what we
all need to know… if sin has power over you it’s only because you’ve given it power. You’ve
given it power by believing more in the power of sin operating in your life than in the power of
God operating in your life.

You see, the Bible describes sin not only as bad behavior but also like a force. It’s like the wind
or gravity. It’s a force that is constantly pushing on you, constantly trying to break you down.

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But in some kind of mystical way, Jesus’ death pulled the plug on the power of sin. That’s why
Paul said …
For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body controlled by sin
might be done away with that we should no longer be slaves to sin-- because anyone who
has died has been set free from sin. Romans 6:6,7

That phrase “done away with” is powerful. It means to be deactivated, unplugged, severed from
the source of power. That’s what happened to your body in regard to sin. It was severed from
the source of its power.

Now, you might still feel the pull of sin but don’t let it deceive you. It no longer has the power
over you that it once did. Think about it this way. Just because you feel the pull of gravity that
doesn’t mean you have to stay fixed to a chair and say, “Wow, the pull of gravity is so strong. I
can’t move.” Or just because there is a 20 mph wind outside doesn’t mean that you have to stay
inside and say, “The wind is too strong. It will blow me all over the road!”. That’s crazy, right?

So, in the same way, just because you feel the pull of sin doesn’t mean that you have to yield to
it and say, “Sin is too strong. I can’t help myself. I have to sin.” That’s not true, especially now
that we know that our sinful body died with Jesus on the cross.

And so, knowing this to be true Paul tells us to…

…count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

That word “count” is a technical term used to document a fact. It was used in accounting to
document financial transactions and here it is used like an obituary or registry of deeds, to
document that someone has officially died. Paul is saying that when you are faced with
temptation you need to go to the obituary page in your Bible (Romans 6) and remind yourself
that your body has died to sin.

That’s what Paul was saying when he wrote to the Galatians and said…
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I
live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20
You see, Paul was reading his obituary – reminding himself and others that he died with Jesus.

In the same way, we need to read and reread that obituary until we are convinced that it is true
for us as well. Paul goes continues on to make his point…
[Since you are dead]… do not let sin reign in your human body so that you obey its evil
desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of unrighteousness, but
rather offer yourselves to God, … as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be
your master, …. Romans 6:11-14

19
That’s where this teaching comes back to address our sexual behavior. It’s because of the fact
that we died with Jesus that we don’t have to give ourselves to sexual immorality. We have been
set free from our need to satisfy every passion that we have. 3

If someone were to ask me,

Remy, what is your spiritual secret to overcoming temptation, not just sexual temptation
but all temptation
I would say in a heartbeat that it’s Romans 6. I live in Romans 6 when I am tempted. I read and
reread my obituary countless times until I am convinced that sin is not my master. I’ve done this
from the early days of my faith and I think it’s played a major role in my ability to overcome
temptation.

Change or Die
I’ve quoted from a book here a couple times over the past year called, Change or Die by Alan
Deutschman. The author said that all true change requires three things. You need to relate,
rethink and reframe.

So, if you are serious about change, first, you need to be in relationship with a person or a group
of people that you trust to show you the way. You can’t learn from someone you don’t trust. So
it’s very important that if you are serious about change that you align yourself with the right
friends, the right church, the right counselors, etc. to inspire you to change.

Second, you need to expose yourself to good teaching in reference to the change you want to
make. We are usually experts at how to do something wrong and we are ignorant about how to
live right. He says we have to become experts at what to do right. We have to have an idea of
where we are headed if we ever want to get there.

And third, you have to reframe how you look at the world. You have to stop seeing yourself as a
victim and failure who will never change and start seeing yourself as being in the process of
starting a new life.

And that idea of reframing plays a big part in what I call the Victorious Secret. If you want to
change you have to stop seeing yourself as a dirty sinner and start seeing yourself as not only
forgiven but clean and spotless. You’ve got to stop seeing yourself as powerless to change and
start seeing yourself as someone with an all-powerful God living inside of you who is actively
working to transform you. And you have to stop seeing yourself alive to sin and start seeing
yourself as dead to sin. That sin no longer has control over you.

You see, God has provided a way for us to escape the grip of sin. But it requires two things from
you; faith and action. You have to believe that these things are true and then you need to act on
these beliefs. And not just once but over and over again. And that takes work.

3
I appreciate Rob Bell’s insight on this. He said… “Freedom isn’t being able to have whatever you crave. Freedom
is going without whatever we crave and being fine with it.” Page 75, Sex God.

20
But making that choice over and over again eventually develops a habit. Where you once had a
habit that dishonored God now got a habit that honors God. And that’s how over time we
become imitators of God and we start to reflect his image. We might even start to reflect his
glory. Whouda thought?

I want to encourage you today. You can do this. Remember what I said last week; You are more
like God than animals. So, you don’t have to be a slave to your passions. You don’t have to
lower yourself and degrade yourself living like others do. God has created a whole new life for
you but you need to choose to walk in it. You need to say to yourself “Move that bus!” so to
speak – that is - you have to refuse to live according to your old life and choose to live the new
life that God wants to give you.

Now, I’d imagine that there are some of you here who want to have victory over sin but you
don’t even know Jesus. And that’s really step one. None of the things I shared today are true
unless you know Jesus. So I encourage you to settle that right now. Tell Jesus that you believe
in him and that you want him to live inside of you and guide your life. In fact, when I close in
prayer, I’ll help you to do this.

I hope you’ll take a look at my Going Deeper questions. Notice at the bottom that there are some
websites to help you And here are two books that will help you with the topic of sexual purity:
• Sex God, by Rob Bell
• Sex, Men & God that’s available in the lobby.

Next week I’ll be showing a video testimony of a man who found freedom from sex addiction.
Parents, you’ll need to decide if you want your children to see it.

Prayer: Thank you Father for the secret of how to overcome temptation. Might it not be a secret
among us. Might we all know these truths by heart and encourage each other with these truths
so that we might imitate you in all things. And for those that don’t know you today I pray that
many of them will turn to you right now. As they do, might you come into their lives. Forgive
them, cleanse them, fill them with your Spirit. May they sense your presence and might they
come to know what it means to have died with Christ. We commit our lives to you now. Amen.

Resources;

www.covenanteyes.com

http://xxxchurch.com

www.lustfreeliving.org

www.Puredesire.org

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Going Deeper

Use the following questions to journal your answers during personal study or discuss
them with your small group, family or friends.

1. Is it hard to hear or read teaching on sin for you? Does it make you feel
condemned? Why or why not?
2. Jesus never let people off easy with their sin. He never let them excuse
themselves or rationalize it away. Why is that?
3. What sin do you find yourself consistently rationalizing?
4. Is there sin that you’ve wrestled with all your life and basically given up on trying to
change?
5. What is the Victorious Secret? (Three parts)
6. Are any of the parts new to you?
7. Which part is the hardest for you to grasp? Why?
8. How do you think your life would change if you actually believed the Secret?
9. Remy talked about the change process of Relate-Retrain-Reframe. Why is each
component so important to the change process?
10. Of those three components, which one do you need to work on the most?
11. How can your friends, family, small group and church help you with that?

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Victorious Secret…exploring a biblical view of sex.
Part Three; Overcoming Sex Addiction
By Remy Diederich
Copyright 2008, all rights reserved

We’ve been taking a look at what the Bible has to say about sexual immorality and we’ve
learned that sexual immorality is any sex outside of the context of marriage. Let me show you a
verse that summarizes this teaching for me. It says…
It is God's will that you should be sanctified:… 1 Thessalonians 4:3

Before I go any further it mentions “God’s will”. This is something we often wonder about and
pray about – wondering what God’s will is for our life. But sometimes God’s will isn’t a
question. It’s obvious. The Bible tells us that God’s will for our lives is that we are sanctified.
That’s not a word most of us use every day…hardly every year.

To be sanctified means to be “set apart”. Specifically here, it means to be set apart for God’s
exclusive use. That’s what God wants for each one of us. He wants to set us apart for his
exclusive purpose.

Now, that should make you feel special! God wants his “stamp” on you, so to speak. He wants
people to know that you are his…kind of like why we exchange rings in marriage. It’s a sign to
others that we are set apart exclusively for another person. That’s how God sees us.

The word “sanctified” has the same root as the word “sanctuary”. A sanctuary is a place that has
been set apart for God’s presence to dwell. It’s a place that people can go to meet with God.
And that’s a picture of how God sees us. We are a sanctuary for the presence of God.

Now, think about that. We “set apart” this banquet center every Sunday morning as a place to
meet God. Six and a half days a week this room is used to serve food but for half a day it is a
sancturary for God. How would you feel if you walked in here on Sunday and there were dirty
plates and dishes left over from the night before? How would you like to find French fries on the
chairs and beer spilled on the floor? That’s not fitting for a sanctuary, is it? It think that would
bother you and distract you.

In the same way, God calls us to set our body apart for his presence. There shouldn’t be
anything going on in our bodies that causes a distraction from God’s purpose for our lives.
That’s why the next phrase in this text qualifies what it means to be sanctified. It says…
…that you should avoid sexual immorality;

Isn’t that interesting that avoiding sexual immorality is what is associated with being a sanctuary
for God? As I’ve been saying all along, sexual purity was central to the mindset of the early
church and followers of Jesus.

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Now, to me, the word “avoid” sounds a little passive. So I looked up the word’s meaning and it
literally means to “destroy the connection” between two things. God wants us to destroy the
connection between our bodies and sexual immorality. That’s not passive at all!

Then it gets even more specific…

…that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and
honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;...
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Well, that’s what we’ve been talking about these past two weeks – how to control our bodies in a
way that honors God. We don’t have to live like animals, driven by our passions. We have
God’s spirit inside of us to help us control our actions. God calls us to direct our energies to
living a lifestyle that honors him. We are his ambassadors to the world.

But what happens when you aren’t able to control your body? You see, sometimes our habits get
out of control. Sometimes our habits literally rewire our brain…and what do we call that? We
call that an addiction; where our body starts to crave the chemicals that are released with certain
behavior. And so this morning we are going to hear from a man who became addicted to sex.

Now, I realize that hearing from a sex addict might make us uncomfortable – especially in
church! But we need to understand this problem because it’s becoming an epidemic…even for
Christians. In fact, I read a survey4 last night that was hard to believe. It said that 50% of
Christian men and 20% of Christian women are addicted to online pornography of some kind.
Even if half those numbers are accurate, it’s still a significant problem.

Another survey5 said that 47% of Christians reported that pornography is a major problem in
their home. And what age group is the biggest user of internet porn? Ages 12-17. So parents, if
you aren’t paying attention to this today, your child could easily become another sex addiction
statistic.

Right now I’m going to show you a video of a man telling about how he became a sex addict and
how he was able to find freedom. He’s going to use some words that we don’t normally use in
church but I think he’s got a story that we need to hear. And then when it’s over I want to give us
some steps to take in fighting sex addiction.

Video: The Journey of Recovery (see www.journeyofrecovery.org). This video is a collection of

about a dozen testimonies from people who have recovered from a variety of different
addictions.

In this story, John tells how his addiction started at the age of 11 when a friend taught him to
masturbate. He said it immediately took over his life as an escaped from a painful childhood.

4
Market Wire. August 7, 2006. ChristiaNet.com. December 7, 2006
5
Internet Filter Review, 2006.

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Soon he found pornography in his dad’s bedroom that only enflamed his masturbation. Then at
14 he had his first sexual experience with a girl. From that time on he was actively seeking out
women for sex. When he got married he thought that was all behind him but he soon turned to
prostitutes and affairs in an attempt to satisfying his unquenchable desires.

The striking thing about his story was how clueless he was to his addiction. He thought that his
behavior was normal and not a concern. But he eventually saw how it destroyed his marriage
and tore apart the hearts of his children. He finally committed his life to God and overcoming
his addiction.

You know, when you see/hear something like this it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. You might
want to just run and not face your own pain… it all seems like it’s too much to deal with. But I
want to encourage you to not shrink back but to do the opposite…take action. You don’t have to
be control by your addiction.

So I’ve put together a checklist to help you take some positive steps toward recovery. (Note: I’m
talking specifically about sex addiction but many of these points apply to any kind of addiction.)

Addiction Rx:

1. Admit your addiction.

That might seem obvious but it’s not to the average addict. The typical reaction is to deny their
addiction - to cover it up, minimize it or make excuses for it. I always tell people that admitting
the addiction is half the solution. You are half way home just in owning that you’ve got a
problem. Most people won’t do this because it’s too painful. It hurts to admit that you’ve got a
problem that you can’t solve. It’s embarrassing and on top of that it will take work to fix. But
that’s where you need to start, by admitting.

2. Invite God into your addiction.

People are usually so ashamed and feel so guilty that they tell themselves that they have to clean
up their act before they turn to God. That’s the worst thing you can do. You want God’s help as
fast as you can get it! Don’t worry…there’s nothing you’ve done that God hasn’t seen. You
can’t shock him and it’s no surprise. He knows everything you’ve do and think. He can handle
whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself into. Jesus said that he didn’t come into the world to
condemn sinners but to save them. So grab his hand and let him guide you to freedom.

3. Make recovery your number one priority.

If there’s one mistake that addicts often make it’s that they take recovery too lightly. It’s about
number four on their priority list. They tend to under-estimate the hold that their addiction has
on them and over-estimate their ability to kick the habit. Let me tell you…you’ve got to think
about overcoming your addiction the minute you get up in the morning and let it be the last thing
you think about at night. That’s how you think about your addiction, right? Almost every
waking minute is fixed on how to get your next high. So just reverse that thinking. Now you
have to be consumed with the steps you’ll take to find freedom.

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I want to mention here something about your friends and family. The tendency is to let them
make your recovery their number one priority. They worry about keeping you clean. They set
up your counseling appointments and call the treatment center and recovery group. But that’s
not their responsibility. If you want to find the freedom you need to take responsibility for it.
The sooner you start the better. You need to own your recovery process. Don’t let others do it
for you. That just feeds more addictive thinking and behavior.

4. Get radically clean.

What I mean here is eliminate every temptation. No exceptions. No excuses. We are all prone to
rationalize our situation and make room for inroads back to our habits. Don’t play games. Be
ruthless in stripping away any potential relapse trigger.

5. Get help.
You can’t fight addiction alone. It’s bigger than you are. A lot bigger. And so, if you are
serious about breaking your addiction, then contact an addiction counselor or a treatment center
as soon as possible.

But there is a “Catch-22” to addiction. Addictions are often rooted in a strong sense of shame
and so getting help is often too shaming for an addict. It’s like pouring salt on your own wound.
If that’s true for you and you find it hard to pick up the phone to visit a local counselor then let
me suggest two on-line counseling programs.
www.pureonline.com
www.sexaddict.com

6. Join a recovery group.

Since God made us relational by nature we often find healing through relationships. There’s
something about being with other people who share our problem and common solution that is
very empowering.

There are two groups that I hope you will consider joining.
Celebrate Recovery. This group is open to people that struggle with any kind of hurt,
habit or hang-up and meets on Friday nights at the Cedarbrook House from 6-8pm.
Pure Desire Groups. These groups meet at Valleybrook Church in Eau Claire on
Thursdays from 6-8pm. There is a group for men and one for women. You can check
out their website at http://www.myhealthysoul.org . Sometimes its easy to attend a
group that’s out of town so you don’t run into people that you might know.

7. Learn all you can;

There are a lot of good resources out there for you to help you grow in your healing. Here are
just a few;
covenanteyes.com, internet filtering, resources
Xxxchurch.com – workbook, blog, more…
lustfreeliving.org, small group program, more…
puredesire.org, small group program, more…
Two Books:

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 1. Sex, Men & God –in lobby
2. Pure Desire – in lobby

Well, there you have it. Like I said, this is just a checklist to get you started toward freedom. I
encourage you to take action right now. Today. By tomorrow it will seem like a “good idea” and
within a few days you’ll forget that you even read this. So show your passion for freedom and
do something about it right now.

Prayer: Father, forgive us for losing control. We’ve mismanaged the sanctuary that you’ve given
us and allowed in false gods. We turn back to you and ask for you to help us find the freedom
that you meant for us. Come into our mess, take our hands and lead us into that freedom. Teach
us what it means to be set apart for you. Amen.

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