Vous êtes sur la page 1sur 8

Secrets of Female Psychology

How to Handle Pleasure Resistance:


Understanding Her Sex Drive

by Lawrence Lanoff

Website: http://www.DigitalRomanceInc.com
Email: support@digitalromanceinc.com

Copyright 2015 by Digital Romance, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction


and distribution in any way, shape, or form is forbidden. No part
of this manual or its accompanying audio and/or video material shall
be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any other
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise
without prior written permission from the author. If you have questions,
email legal@digitalromanceinc.com.
Copyrighted materials cited in this course are reproduced here for educational
purposes only under fair use provisions of U.S. Copyright
law.
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information
with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the
understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting
or other professional advice. If legal advice or other professional
assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should
be sought. Michael Fiore and Digital Romance, Inc. individually or
corporately, do not accept any responsibility for any liabilities resulting
for the actions of any parties involved.

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance:


Understanding Her Sex Drive
"When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile."
Regina Brett
Have you ever asked your partner for sex and been shut down, rejected?
Its not fun at all. And it can really create emotional stress and trauma.
Ive been there.
I once had a lover tell me that my favorite oral sex technique sucked
while I was going down on her. That was the last time I ever performed
that technique on her or anyone until I figured out what Im about to
tell you.
I was coaching a couple who had both been in previous relationships in
which their partners rejected them sexually. Which sucks.
The guy said he just stopped trying to have sex with his ex-partner
because it just hurt too much to be turned down again and again. This left
him feeling insecure about his cock, his performance, and it even left him
questioning his ability to please her at all.
This is an obvious and natural response to rejection.
The woman said that in her past relationship, her partner never initiated
sex. They would go months without sex unless she went out of her way to
get dick.
This left her feeling like something must be wrong with her and that he
must find her unattractive.
They both eventually got out of these shitty relationships and found each
other in what they both hoped was a new beginning. However, they
carried festering wounds around the fear of being sexually rejected again.
Now, a year later, they found their relationship was in trouble because of a
vicious cycle of sexual insecurity. If Brian approached Rachel, and she

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

wasnt in the mood, he would go into total collapse, withdrawing and


being terrified to initiate sex again for days or weeks.

Rachel would see he was no longer initiating and felt like she was being
sexually rejected and questioned his attraction to her. She felt like he
wasnt turned on by her.
On and on this vicious cycle went. And Ive seen it hundreds of times.
Yikes.

Busting Another Huge Sex Myth


I realized the main problem was a lack of sexual options, flow, and sexual
creativity. People hit a roadblock and give up. This couple, like many
others, is overwhelmed by a perceived lack of options and learned bad
habits . Heres the real problem, though. Brian and Rachel both suffered
from the common sexual myth that real sex, in love sex, should only
happen one way: spontaneously.
They thought sex needed to happen when they were both completely
overcome with passion for each other.
Typical romance-novel bullshit. Heres why:
Like all of us, their relationship had many other common life stressors
acting against freedom and spontaneity - like money issues, moving to a
new city, and Rachel looking for a new job.
With all the normal life crap going on, finding a spontaneous sexual
moment when they were both feeling carefree, energized, and chomping
at the bit to jump each others bones is like trying to find a sexleprechaun.
When you do fuck because of spontaneous mutual horniness, its a
wonderful thing. Awesome. Two thumbs up. But its a bit like waiting for
the Easter bunny. Its a cute myth, but it has little to do with reality.

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

Spontaneity must be put into a calendar and planned for. You can do the
math on that.
During stressful times, its important to be aware of our resistance to
pleasure, our resistance to be kind to ourselves and others.

Pleasure Resistance is Whats Going On


Some people may even feel that sex with their partner is just one more
thing they dont have the time or energy for. But that is when it is most
important that we connect and seek the support of one another. Sex serves
to bond and heal relationships. Sex reconnects us.

Planning For Spontaneous SEX!


Planning For Pleasure
Planning sex isnt just for people with kids. We make plans about when
we are going to eat, what we are going to eat, when we are going to
exercise, and when we will go to bed.
We schedule all kinds of important life sustaining, health maintaining
habits, but for some reason we often dont take the time to pencil in the
healthy, relationship sustaining act of having sex and sharing pleasure
with one another. Which is what we all want. Great sex. Even good sex.

So waiting for spontaneity is ridiculous.


We all have busy lives and its easy to get caught up in stress.
That is why we must take the initiative and just plan on it whether we feel
like it in the moment or not.
Typically, most people find that all they need to do is get started and they
will find the path to good and horny.

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

Furthermore, people often see sex as a job that they are too tired to be
interested in because they are having goal-oriented sex, which I teach
about in my other program How to give each other 45-minute orgasms.

How to Plan for Spontaneous Sex


Step 1: Break out your calendars together. Discuss a minimum of
1 time a week where both of you can count on the possibility of
sex happening. I personally prefer to schedule 3 times per week.
Step 2: Once you have the times scheduled protect them. Treat
them like you would a professional commitment.
Step 3: Understand there is a very real thing called pleasure
resistance and be on the lookout for it.
Step 4: Plan a big sex date at least once a month. Put it in your
calendar. Put the big important things in your calendar first, or
small things will eat up your time.
Step 5: Have fun. Relax. You now have sex in your calendar.

How To Kill The Fun


Being success-oriented makes sex seem draining.
Rachel and Brian were performance focused and caught up in worrying
how attractive the other person found them and how good they were at
satisfying each other. Rachel was interested in being the perfect lover.
Brian was trying to chase Rachels orgasms. That stressed her out. And
when or if she didnt cum, he felt like a failure. So she began faking
orgasms to get it over with.
My friends, hear me on this. This is WAYYYYYYYY too much work.
And not fun.
Sex is Adult Fun Playtime.

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

Consciously choosing to focus on being in the moment during sex, being


aware of your body is key. Sex happens in your body. Not your head.
And, especially in relationships, making the entire sexual encounter the
number one priority, so we can experience connection and pleasure, rather
than getting to the finish line, gets rid of the insecurities and second
guessing that sucks all the pleasure out of sex.
However, the biggest mistake Rachel and Brian were making was taking
each others resistance to pleasure personally.

Resistance to Pleasure is Not Personal


Allowing pleasure resistance to hurt each others feelings is itself another
form of pleasure resistance.
When you hear no to a sexual offer, keep in mind that it is not you they are
saying no to, but rather, an element of your offer.
Instead, of wallowing in hurt feelings and allowing your own pleasure
resistance to be triggered, its your job to find out what part of your offer
they arent interested in. Simple.
I want to have anal sex. She says no. If I take that personally, then Im
giving way to pleasure resistance. Instead, if I counter offer, then I am free
to find something that works for both of us.

Overcoming Pleasure Resistance


Step 1: Think about what you want.
Step 2: Make an offer.
Step 3: Observe. Is your partner a yes, a no, or a maybe? If your
partner is a yes, go to Step 5.
Step 4: Adjust Your Offer According To Feedback. Find out what
your partner might say yes to. You can come right out and just ask

How To Handle Pleasure Resistance

what element of your offer he or she isnt interested in in order to


get to the bottom of what they want, but I find most people are
really poor at communicating their sexual needs, so what I would
suggest is get to the bottom of things by making some alternative
offers.
Examples In Action:
You could ask if your partner would be interested in a back rub, or
a snuggle, or perhaps just lying back and allowing you to give him
or her oral sex, or, if you guys are used to having sex for long
amounts of time, ask if the other would be interested in a little 10minute quickie. Typically, once some amount of contact is
accepted, the other persons resistance diminishes and you will
find that these alternative offers turn into sex.
Step 5: When you find something that you are both a yes to, take
action. This is called seducing your partner into pleasure with no
endgame in mind.
And just because your partner agreed to an alternative offer, doesnt mean
he or she cant change his or her mind and accept your original offer.
However, you will only find this happening if you genuinely are not trying
to manipulate things to this end. If you use this technique as a way of
manipulation, your partner will sense it and will be turned off even more.
So, keep your focus on wanting to experience the present moment and
SCHEDULE time to sexually connect with your partner. Your
relationship will continue thriving!

Sex is The Path With No Path Only Pleasure