Get to Know the Person That You Are
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About this ebook
- Your attributes (Personality)
-.How to focus on your strengths
- Embracing your weaknesses
- Knowing the person that you are before making any critical decisions in your life
- The importance of getting to know the people around you
- How incomplete you are without God
- Understanding your relationship with the Holy Spirit
Silungile Msiza
She is a Managing Director of Ongamelanathi Consulting Company, specializing in Recruitment and Placement/Talent Management. She is married with children. She is sharing a story of her life, taking you through her journey of how she dealt with her challenges of not understanding the person that she was when growing up.
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Get to Know the Person That You Are - Silungile Msiza
Copyright © 2015 by Silungile Msiza.
ISBN: Hardcover 978-1-4828-0915-2
Softcover 978-1-4828-0914-5
eBook 978-1-4828-0913-8
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
www.partridgepublishing.com/africa
CONTENTS
Chapter 1 Do an introspection of yourself
Chapter 2 Make a move
Chapter 3 God
Chapter 4 Your Strengths
Chapter 5 Your weaknesses
Chapter 6 Temperaments
Chapter 7 Finding yourself in these Temperaments
Chapter 8 Benefits of these exercises
Chapter 9 Being in God
Chapter 10 The Holy Spirit
Chapter 11 Faith in action
DEDICATION
T his book is dedicated to all those that are still trying to find out about themselves, those that cannot answer this important question (Who am I?). It is for those who are not sure of who they are, and are so challenged in sorting that part of their lives. It is also for those who think they do not worth anything; those when they look at themselves they think nothing good can come out of them. If you want to know how valuable you are, this book is yours. If you want to know how to be comfortable in your own skin, this book is yours. Are you failing to fall in love with the person that you are? Then, this book is meant for you.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
T o my Heavenly Father, who has made it possible for me to write all that I have written. Without His wisdom and guidance, I wouldn’t have managed to go through this journey called life. I thank Him with all that I am and with all that I have, in fact, I do not have enough words to express my gratitude for what He has done in my life. I will always give Him all the Glory and worship for without Him I wouldn’t be here.
To my loving husband Mzwakhe Msiza, thank you for being a husband that you have been from the moment we met. I am thankful to God for using you to be the one opening my eyes about all aspects of my life that I was so clueless about; hence this book today. Our journey together has been all about loving each other, learning new things about each other, developing each other, motivating and complimenting each other. Thank you for allowing me to write this book as it is without omitting anything. Thank you for believing in me and what God has called me for. May God keep you and bless you always. I am your number one fan, loving you always. To my lovely children that I love so much, you are such a blessing in my life. I thank God for trusting me with you. By just observing you growing up, you have just confirmed a number of things that I have written in this book. Thank you for being my sample group.
To my Parents, I thank you so much for the love and your support that you have given me when growing up, up until now. It is now that I know that you are the best parents ever. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. I really look up to you. You lived and are still living lives that I wish for myself that demonstrate nothing but to please and honour God at all times.
My family (oMsiza naMalangeni) all my relatives and friends, thank you for your love that you have shown me in so many ways all these years. I just love and appreciate every one of you by just being there when I needed you.
INTRODUCTION
A s soon as you are out of your mother’s belly, your journey on this earth begins whether you are aware or not. In the process of growing up we encounter a number of challenges in our lives as individuals and that doesn’t stop until God calls us home. Fortunately, in the early years of our lives, what is supposed to be challenging us is taken care of by our parents. By making sure that we eat and sleep well, and we don’t make a lot of silly mistakes. They feed us, change our nappies, they prevent us from falling hard on the floor, not to eat poisonous foods, and that we don’t cut ourselves with sharp objects. Then comes a time and age where all that protection and guidance comes to an end. Where from there on, we become independent, we walk on our own, use our hands when we eat, we walk properly, the vision becomes clear, and we don’t fall anymore like we used to. We somehow assume control over our lives. In a way, we are saying we can do certain things without our parents’ assistance. At that age, we come face-to-face with all the things that our parents were protecting us from. We can only ask for some advice where necessary but they can no longer make decisions for us.
When we are on our own, this is where most of our challenges come uninvited. The truth is we never cease to be challenged in life. The difference is that at a young age we had our parents to look after us. However, the older we get, the more we get challenged by life issues because we have no idea of how to deal with them regardless of all the lessons given whilst we were young. When you think you have solved one, another one follows immediately. It is just that in the early years of our lives, everything looked easy because our parents or guardians were always with us, sorting every challenge we faced on our behalf. There is no single person here on earth who can say she/he is not challenged one way or another. Even those who look stronger than others, they are tested somehow, it is just that they don’t disclose their issues like others. Nevertheless, what is common about challenges is that they affect all of us in different levels and in different aspects of our lives. Some people are tested more than others and with different things at different time. There are many reasons that we can come up with, if each and every one of us were to be asked why do we encounter so many challenges in our lives. The main reason that stood out in my journey of life compared to all other reasons that I came up with as the cause of our daily challenges; was the inability to figure out the person that I was, understanding that person and not knowing what I wanted to become. I think if I had a thorough understanding of the person that I was then, a number of the challenges I had, could have been avoided easily. Could it be possible that you relate to this above mentioned statement? Have you had challenges in your life based on the lack of knowledge of the person that you are or the person that you have become? Maybe you are asking me: "What does that have to do with eliminating the number of
problems in your life currently?"
On a daily basis you are taking decisions about your life, family and career based on what you want, but aren’t these decisions dependent on how much you know yourself. If you make a mistake you will hardly blame anyone, you just know that I did this to myself and I have to find a way out before it is too late. How we deal with these challenges that we are facing, it is dependent on each and everyone’s ability to understand who she/he is. Therefore, what I am trying to say is; if you are like me then, not knowing the person you have become, you will not be able to solve some of the problems that you are going to face. So it is important to discover that part of your life, and your journey will never be the same again.
CHAPTER 1
Do an introspection of yourself
W ho are you? Do you know the answer to this question? I wonder what comes into your mind right now when I ask you this question. Maybe you are thinking that I am out of my mind, who doesn’t really know herself or himself? In your mind, every person on this earth knows everything that needs to be known about him or her, right? To me this was a genuine question, maybe it is because some situations forced me to ask it. Guess what, I could not find an answer; I think I expected a lot of words coming out of my mouth describing the person that I was at that time and the person that I have become. If my memory serves me well, I was 24 or so. I thought it was going to be an easy exercise to answer that kind of question. So, why was I struggling with it? How can one not answer such a simple question like this one? The only few things I was able to come up with at that time was that, I knew my name, my age, and that I had a family of six, my parents, my four older sisters and many wonderful nephews and nieces.
I had just finished a tertiary qualification, married to this wonderful, good looking man not long ago. I didn’t have a pool of friends, just a few close ones. Lastly, I had just started working for a very good company in Johannesburg. If I look at where I am now in my 40’s and comparing with what I have just told you about when I was about 24, I really did not have a sense of who I was then. I didn’t have any idea of what I needed to know about me, like knowing about the things that I loved to do and the things I did not like to do. I had no idea of what I wanted to become, a clear understanding not a vague idea of my future. I needed to know in detail the reasons why I chose the career I had chosen. I did not know that who I was then had everything to do with my future. There are so many things I know now about myself that I didn’t then. I wonder what made me to be this clueless about the person that I was. Was it due to ignorance of being in the early 20’s? Was I thinking that I still had more time to think about such things? Or I really did not see the importance of knowing myself early. I am sure though, that one of the reasons why I never cared, I did not realize that knowing and understanding who I was then had everything to do with where my life was going.
I am sure given a chance right now to explain why I didn’t get to know more about myself then, I would probably come up with so many excuses like; I was young or blame so many things and people in the process. Blaming people and things does not help us to deal with or solve our issues or challenges most of the times. Not answering this question then meant one thing that I was in trouble but didn’t know how deep the problem was. I realized I needed to find out more about myself and as soon as possible before it was too late. I realized that so many things in my life were so dependent on me answering this question of ‘who am I’ as I was moving on with life. I had already completed my postgraduate qualification and married when I asked myself this question, remember! Please don’t be surprised; these things happen and it happened with me. I still believe that it still happens even now to some people just living a life with no self-awareness at all. I went to varsity not having a clue of what I wanted but found myself enrolling to certain courses and eventually with time, I focused on a specific career, which was Human Resources.
I am still wondering even today why I chose this career because I never did any research about it. It was just one of those things that I found myself in. Have you ever had time to look in the inside of you and see the person that you are? We are all different human beings, created in a very different and unique way, but yet some of us do not know what we really are, and what are we made of. There are those that are blessed by knowing certain things about themselves sooner than others. Maybe you are like me. You took longer to discover and understand your identity or your personality. My opinion is, it is very important to know who you are before you engage yourself into many things in life. Know your personality and what do you want in life before other people define you or before other people can decide for you what you need to do with your life.
The reason why we find ourselves in so many undesirable situations that we cannot take ourselves out of sometimes, it is because we do not know who we really are. We are so influenced by people around us or we find ourselves sometimes doing the things that we would not do if we knew better. Or sometimes it is not even people around us that are influencing us. It is us not knowing who we are and then we end up following everyone that comes our way with something that seems to look good or interesting. We cannot stand our ground even if we want to sometimes because we really do not know what we want and what we do not want. I am asking you again, Who are you?
I am assuming that by now you have an idea of where I am going with this question. What is your answer? Can you tell someone about you without thinking twice? Knowing yourself is about having knowledge and understanding about the person that you are, meaning your strengths, your abilities and your weaknesses. It is also about where are you coming from in terms of your experiences, where you want to be and why are you taking a certain direction in your life and for what purpose. It is about having a deep relationship with yourself, loving appreciating and valuing the way you are, no matter what you see around you, even if you are not perfect. It is about not thinking less of the person that you are when comparing yourself with other people. It is about what makes you different from the person next to you. This means you must be able to know the good and the bad about you, but still love yourself. You must be able to tell how different you are from your friend or how similar are you to your friend or people around you.
Most people struggle to find something good about them including myself. Or let me say I used to struggle to find something good about me, but not anymore. As people, sometimes we are quick to see only the bad things about ourselves. I wonder why we do that but we are not the same. Some are too hard on themselves then others. We only believe a good thing about us when someone else has passed a compliment about us first, then we get it. But before a compliment we struggle just to appreciate ourselves on our own. Then it becomes worse when even after someone has passed a compliment; we still somehow doubt that what has been said was said from a good heart or spirit. So, please before you crack your head about certain things that you are not sure of about the person that you are, I plead with you, take some time in your hectic schedule and sit down and think aloud about yourself and try to answer this question. You will be so amazed about what you know and what you do not know about yourself. What a revelation I had when I did this introspection for the first time. The reason why I started this journey of knowing myself, it’s because I realized that I was living a life that was full of pretence. When I looked into my life then, I could not find anything that had my name on it. All that I found was more of other people’s personalities, and their needs lived through me. If I am confusing you, just wait and listen. I did everything that people wanted me to do but not what I wanted to do. As a result, I lived a better part of my life not portraying myself but others through my life. For an example, I would love something because I saw someone loving it, not because I genuinely loved that particular thing. Or I would say things just because I heard someone saying the same thing but as if it was me. I was even scared to say no to people, no matter how much I did not want to do something for them but I will do it anyway because I could not say this magic word called No
. I know most of the people struggle with this word No, but to me it did not exist at all. I was scared even to say yes to the things that I really wanted to do in the presence of other people who didn’t want to do what I wanted to do. I always wondered why after I have done something that I did not want to do, I will be so upset. My mood would change but I did nothing about it.
Well this behaviour of conforming to everything that was communicated to me in whatever form continued for a very long time without anyone picking it up that I was suffocating inside. I suppose I hid it very well. But I would have those days or moments where I would bother the person that I was with at that particular time about my feelings. I would start telling him or her about how angry I am about what people are doing to me which is very unfair. I am sure some of you relate to what I am talking about, complaining to people about issues that are bothering you, especially about what other people are doing to you. But not complaining though about what you have done contributing on how people are treating you the way they do. Sometimes without us being aware we allow people to treat us in a certain way. Obviously, the opposite of moaning and complaining about issues, is to deal with them once and for all. Have you ever felt that way or I am the only one who used to moan a lot and do nothing about things that