Peer Review Worksheet

Name of author: Alexander Fetterhoff

Title of paper: Conserving the natural world
Name of reviewer: Theodore Jackson
Date submitted: July 3rd, 2016
1. Introduction: The first paragraph (or perhaps two) should introduce the
papers topic, the writers approach to that topic (the thesis), and foreshadow
what is to come in the remainder of the paper. Please assess the strength of
the introductory paragraph(s) and, if possible, make specific suggestions for
improvement.
You started out very strong and I love how direct your approach is to this
topic. The way you began made it obvious how you stand when it comes to this
issue. I thought you did a fairly good job of foreshadowing what you were going
to talk about. Maybe you could even just offer a slight transition that directly
translates into the next paragraph.
Another great idea was the fact that you made your thesis extremely direct.
You allowed the audience to know straight away that the world and ecosystem
are under attack. The only thing about the thesis I would suggest is to make a
case quickly about what exactly needs to be done. Obviously this is a rough
draft, so I would just see how much more creative you can be with your thoughts.
2. Thesis statement: What can you identify as a thesis statement? (Cut and
paste it below) Suggest, if possible, a way to improve the strength and/or
clarity of the thesis statement.
The world that we live in is under attack. This attack is not by some outside
force that deemed earth less worthy than themselves, but by an organism that
the earth itself created over millions of years.
Great job introducing your thesis statement early and precisely.
I think this thesis statement conveys exactly what it needs to for the later
development of your paper and I would only add a phrase such as something
must be done. I thought your thesis statement came off very strong and
deliberate while remaining clear in purpose.

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Collaborative Writing Project

Peer Review Worksheet

3. Structure: Can you identify the organization of the paper from the main idea
of each paragraph? What are the main concepts explored in the paper? What
is the overall argument? Does each paragraph make a relevant point that is
distinct from what has already been covered? What are the main
conclusions? Make specific suggestions for how the structure or organization
of the paper might be improved.
The organization is very clear for each paragraph except the fifth paragraph
which included evidence of suburban explosion. It is great material; the
information just needs to show the reader its purpose in a deliberate manner.
The main concepts of this paper show us that we are killing our very own
ecosystem. We are the bringers of doom in every scenario.
The overall argument is that us humans need to realize what we have done
and fix it however possible.
Each paragraph is mostly relevant to its own body of thought. The only
suggestion I would make is to expand upon the paragraph starting perhaps
the largest killer and place it somewhere else. I would also attempt to
combine the last two paragraphs.
Great conclusion on how this is being done for the good of the world, not for
the bank accounts of the agenda pushers. Try and give a little bit more
information as to how we can start changing the world on top of what you
already have.
This is a very straight forward research proposal and I really look forward to
seeing the final product with few revisions.

4. Clarity/Style: Did you find distracting grammar, punctuation, spelling, or word

usage problems? Please highlight them on the draft copy. Below, identify any
patterns or themes you detect. (E.g. sentence fragments, passive voice,
misuse of the semicolon or whatever is relevant to this paper.) Is the tone of
the essay formal? If you find awkward sentences, try to explain in the margins
(using the comment function) why they dont make sense to you.

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Collaborative Writing Project

Peer Review Worksheet

Great use of diction throughout the paper. There are a couple of slightly
awkward grammatical spots such as the sentence starting We need to learn
how to continue to evolve; nothing rereading your paper cant fix and
surely nothing dire.
Your comments are generally organized well; Im just losing your tone of voice
in a few spots throughout the paper. Try and keep it more consistent as the
paper moves along.

5. Resources: Does the author clearly identify his/her sources? Is proper MLA
in-text and reference format used? Highlight errors you detect (in a different
color) on the draft copy. Below, identify any patterns or themes you detect
(e.g. failure to italicize book titles, or failure to provide page numbers for
quotations or whatever is relevant to this paper).
Proper MLA is in place; the only thing needed is the header in the top right
corner of each page such as Fetterhoff 1, Fetterhoff 2, etc
Im sure work will be cited upon completion of the final draft. The book UCF
Writes is a phenomenal resource for this, as is the website Purdue Owl.
If you choose to mention books, make sure to italicize them in the paper.

6. Strengths: What is/are the papers greatest strength(s)? Explain. Make

suggestions, if possible, for how the author might build on these strengths.

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Collaborative Writing Project

Peer Review Worksheet

The paper is extremely strong and deliberate throughout the entire work. All
of your points come across very clearly and it is made obvious to the reader
what you want to do with your research. Just expand upon how you are
going to conduct it. All you have to do now is make sure you tone of voice is
made consistent throughout each paragraph of your paper.
Really enjoyed reading your paper and cant wait to see the final product.

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