Education is a critical element to the prosperity of any nation.

The more
educated the people in a country are, the more successful their nation becomes.
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with this statement.
Notes:
Produce more goods and services. (No war)
Highly educated people wont take advantage of public asset, potential cost
Train the next generation
Patterns of mistakes:
- Sentence structure you were missing appropriate conjunctions or had
inappropriate punctuation within sentences. I have attached a sheet that
was recently taught in a writing class that could be a helpful resource for
that.
- Some inappropriate vocabulary / collocations you dont need to use
production and efficiency together, for example. Do not use etc in your
essay (as well as and so on), just give examples and move on.
- A few misused articles a / an / the
Score: 60
Essay
Education is vital to all the nations around the world. I truly believe that it is
linked to the production efficiency of the whole of society, thus I strongly
believe that highly educated citizens would lead to a successful nation.
First and foremost, a sophisticated society is comprised of people who are less
likely to have conflict with each other, and these people only focus on
enhancing the prosperity of their nation as a whole. History was a clear example
of this statement, where all developed countries are the ones that got out of the
war the earliest, as compared to developing and undeveloped nations. According
to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, America was ranked as the best education
provider in the whole world, since their last civil war had ended more than 200
years ago. As a result, they have the luxury to of developing the economy. On
the other hands, African countries are still fighting each other, and this factor
has dampened the production of goods and services in the country, because a
high proportion of resources are allocated to producing weapons.
Secondly, in a highly intellectual society, it is very likely that the next
generation will be smarter than the previous, since they have all the necessary
means to nurture their talents. A lot of scholarships are given on a daily basis in

countries such as Japan, and Korea, etc. which gives the citizens the opportunity
to learn new knowledge at a relatively low cost compared to other undeveloped
Asian countries in the same region. Consequently, these education schemes
have helped the whole nation to become more productive and responsible.,
eEveryone has the motivatione to work harder in order to show their patriotism,
since the country has given them every single possible opportunity.
In conclusion, one nation s success is reflected by its citizens intellectual
capability.
295 words

My problems:
1. I find it hard to come up with ideas under exam condition, I am reading
newspapers and watching TV to increase my general knowledge base, but
I was told that the content is not super important. What is important is
that you can arrange your argument in a logical way., pPlease give me
feedback on this statement.
a. Content is important to an extent, in that your vocabulary choices
and your arguments overall must make sense together and must
relate back to the topic at hand. If you divert too much from the
topic, then you will be marked down for context and vocabulary.
That being said, grammar and structure are extremely important,
which is what you need to work on the most at the moment.
2. I have a very bad habit of keep continuously changing my sentences to
make it them better, and always run out of time as a result.
3. I like watching SpongeBob and Square Pants.