Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also
embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Melanie! My name is Marie, and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center
Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!
*Writing Strength:
Have a look at these sentences from your introduction:
In Fitzgeralds short story Winter Dreams, the main character is a boy named Dexter Green,
a boy from a small town in Minnesota whose father owns the second- best grocery store in
Black Bear and is currently, at the age of 14, working as a caddie at the local golf course.
Within the first paragraph he describes Caddies as poor as sin, living in one room houses but
Dexter only caddies for pocket money.
Your introduction provides the necessary background information that your reader needs to know
about the story. The introduction does its function to set the stage for your literary analysis essay. Well
done, Melanie!
*Melanie M 8968615 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
Including a thesis statement would help you have a focus in your literary analysis of Winter Dreams.
Remember that the thesis is an integral part of any paper because it is the one expressing what your
paper is about and preparing your readers for the discussion that will happen in the body of your
work.
Remember that a literary analysis needs you to assert the certain elements of the work to make a
particular claim about its theme or quality, Melanie. What is your main analysis of the theme or quality
of Winter Dreams? What literary elements will you discuss to support your analysis of the said story?
Heres a sample thesis that you may want to review:
The Lovely Bones successfully carries out its theme of loss and grief (analysis) through the use
of characters, point-of-view, and language. (supporting points)
This sample thesis is a good one because it clearly identifies the papers main analysis of the literary
work and what literary points will be discussed to support it. What thesis in the similar format can you
create for your literary analysis?
*Melanie M 8968615 has requested that you respond to the Content Development:
Once you have come up with a thesis statement, its now time to restructure your discussions so it
would be based on the points about Winter Dreams that are stated in the thesis. Remember that the
thesis functions as an indicator of the path where you will take your discussions, Melanie.
To work on making sure that the body paragraphs are based on the thesis, I suggest that you begin
with patterning your topic sentences after the points in the thesis. For instance, the first body
paragraph of your paper should have a topic sentence that identifies the first point in the thesis about

Winter Dreams. In the case of my thesis in the previous area, the first body paragraph of my own
paper should discuss the idea of characters. A fitting topic sentence would be:
First, the story showed its theme of loss and grief through making full use of characters.
Once I have the topic sentence, the rest of the paragraph would then focus on providing a supporting
discussion of its idea. Writing your discussions based on the points in the thesis is important because
the thesis is the one carrying the overall idea of your work, Melanie.
Introduction/Conclusion
Letting the introduction serve as a hook would want your readers want to continue reading your
literary analysis of Winter Dreams. Keep in mind that apart from providing an overview of the topic, a
good introduction also tries to grab the attention of your readers. At this point, while the introduction
provides sufficient background discussion of the story, it starts with just a general idea:
In Fitzgeralds short story Winter Dreams, the main character is a boy named Dexter Green,
a boy from a small town in Minnesota whose father owns the second- best grocery store in
Black Bear and is currently, at the age of 14, working as a caddie at the local golf course.
While there is nothing wrong with this sentence, I suggest that you begin with an attention-grabbing
element instead, Melanie. Before the sentence above, you may want to start with a question. What
can you ask your readers in relation the story or its theme? Or how about a quotation? What quotation
from Fitzgeralds work is interesting enough to capture the attention of your readers? You can start
with an interesting fact, too. What fact about the literary work can you use to begin your analysis? For
instance, if my paper will analyze the theme of The Lovely Bones, I will start my paper with a question
that goes:
How does it feel to have a child that is raped and killed?
Including an attention-grabbing element would be a plus to your introduction. What attention-grabbing
element can you provide?
Summary of Next Steps:

Create a good thesis.

Pattern your discussions based on the thesis that you will make.

Start with an attention-grabbing tool.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Melanie. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the
revision process. Have a good day!-Marie
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's
Handbook.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Melanie M Davis
Eng 113
Professor Alzen
Week 4
Literary Analysis Essay of Winter Dreams by F. Scott Fitzgerald
In Fitzgeralds short story Winter Dreams, the main character is a boy named
Dexter Green, a boy from a small town in Minnesota whose father owns the secondbest grocery store in Black Bear and is currently, at the age of 14, working as a caddie
at the local golf course. Within the first paragraph he describes Caddies as poor as
sin, living in one room houses but Dexter only caddies for pocket money. This is the
first indication of the story where it shows Dexters view of the importance of financial
status and the fixation he has on status. Instead of referring to his fathers store on a
positive note as one of the best grocery stores he describes it as second- best to
make sure that it is clear that he is still considered middle class and not wealthy, but
certainly not poor. [Where is the thesis of your paper, Melanie? The thesis is ideally
located at the end of your introduction so that the overview of the topic logically
flows to the thesis.]
In the winter, Dexter skis over the golf course that he works at during the fall and
spring as a caddie. There is a very melancholy description given to this time of year
even though he is off of work and should be having a grand time skiing during the
winter. He has a dismal view of the winter and dreams of returning to the golf course not
as a caddy but as a golfer who not only gets to play with the elite rich players but he

wins the golf tournaments. This grandiose dream is the undertone of the entire story, he
doesnt just want to just be rich and play golf with the other elites but he wants to be the
best. He strives to be the best throughout the story and achieves it. He chases
happiness throughout the story by success, money, and being the best at whatever it is
he does. Although none of these things seem to make him happy.
Dexter for the first time meets Judy who at the time is only 11 years old but he is
enamored with her childish beauty and seemingly fabulous life as part of the wealthy.
Its at this moment that not only does he fall in love with Judy but he decides he is going
to be one of these elite, rich men who go to golf courses not one who works at one. In
that moment of seeing Judy he decides to quit being a caddy at the golf course even
with the dismay of the golfers and manager of the course. And one day came to pass
that Mr. Jones himself and not his ghostcame up to Dexter with tears in his eyes and
said that Dexter was the --- best caddy in the club, and wouldnt he decide not to quit if
Mr. Jones made it worth his while Even enticed with more money from the wealthiest
golf player at the club who was personally recognizing Dexter for his superb caddy skills
he quit at the age of 14. He simply states he is too old to caddy and must move on.
Dexter wants to be the best and achieved that as a caddy, but decided he
wanted more even though he is not sure why or what is next. After college, at the age of
twenty three, Dexter borrowed a thousand dollars on his college degree and his
confident mouth, and bought a partnership in a laundry. He went against the grain by
pursuing a laundry, as all of his peers were studying and focusing on investments and
bonds. Although he dreamed of wealth and success he was no snob and always put in
hard work because he believed success and wealth were not handed to you. He not

only wanted to be wealthy but he wanted to be the wealthiest for his age and rise above
the status quo. He studied the niche market of how to launder fine woolen golf stockings
and made his fortune by being the best. Men were insisting that their Shetland hose
and sweaters go to his laundry just as they had insisted on a caddy who could find golf
balls. Before he was twenty-seven he owned the largest string of laundries in his
section of the country.
At the age of twenty three he was given a golf pass by one of his regular patrons
to golf at the course he used to caddy at 9 years earlier. His dream had finally come true
that he was golfing with the same elite gentlemen at the same course. He of course did
not disclose that he used to carry these mens clubs around. He knew every trap and
gully like the back of his hand. One minute he had the sense of being a trespasserin
the next he was impressed by the tremendous superiority he felt. All of these thoughts
disappeared when he came across Judy for the first time on that golf course since she
was eleven. Judy is no longer awkwardly young; but arrestingly beautiful. For the next
few years Dexter was smitten with Judy, wanted to spend all his free time with her and
did everything he could to be her one and only. Throughout the years she continued to
see others and could never commit to just him. She had brought him ecstatic
happiness and intolerable agony of spirit. She is unable to be happy for some reason
even though she is wealthy, beautiful, and it seems that every man she meets falls in
love with her. But none of these things make her happy. After being engaged to another
and leaving her for Judy and then Judy breaking it off with him again he finally pursues
his dream of leaving Minnesota and heads to New York where he continues to be

successful and wealthy. He never did regret his time spent with Judy and knew that he
would love her until the day he was too old for loving but he could not have her.
Some years later while in New York where he had done wellso well that there
were no barriers too high for him; he received the news that Judy had married and had
children. The husband drinks too much and cheats on her while she stays home with
the children. At twenty seven she is no longer described as beautiful and lost her
passion for life. [Why must you include specific discussions in this area? A good
conclusion looks back at the grounds you have covered in your work.] A sort
of dullness settled down upon Dexter. For the first time in his life he felt like getting very
drunk. This news broke him, the dream was gone. For the first time in years the tears
were streaming down his face. But they were for himself now. Dexters dreams of life
and illusions of youth are all now shattered that cannot be seized again. Dexter has lost
his romanticism of the upper class by the shattering of the pedestal that Judy was on.
He looks back on those winter dreams and realizes he can never recapture what once
was or what he thought it was.

Works Cited
Fitzgerald, F. Scott. Winter Dreams. N.d. CBU Blackboard. Web.