Wedding Ceremony

of
David “Cuz” Curran and the City of Bradford

The Cecil Avenue Allotment

5 June 2010, 2 pm

Prelude and Processional Delius Pub

Sounds of a
Table Football Game

Words to the Guests Prof. Tom

Woodhouse

Words to the Bride and Groom The Cecil Avenue

Talking Cat,
Herrrrrrrrrrroh
(or something
like that)

Exchange of Rings and Vows, Prof. Tom

Woodhouse
Closing

Signing of the Papers The Lord Mayor of

Bradford,
Clir Peter
Hill

Recessional Delius Pub

 Last Call
Announcement

The Wedding Party and Other Amazing People

Tolstoy Cup, Best Man

On the run from London, the Tolstoy Cup returns to its
rightful home for this momentous occasion. Cuz and Tolstoy
celebrated the former’s Testimonial Game this Spring to
great fanfare. While Tolstoy was sadly kidnapped by war
criminals in May, the two friends remain in contact through
carrier pigeon.

Tomo Yamanaka, Groomsman

The 2008 winner of the UK’s Best Man of the Year Award
reprises his wedding party duties in honour of his dear friend
Cuz. To the delight of everyone in the District, Tomo
recently returned from the Sudan to say hello. Introduce
yourself to Tomo and you’ll have a great friend.

The Norwegian Tick, Groomsman

Cuz and Tick met during a holiday in Norway. This most
intimate of friendships began when Tick burrowed its way
into Cuz’s….heart. Although separated by distance, they
always find time to stay in touch.

Omar’s Restaurant, Groomsman

Cuz and Omar’s met in September of 1999. Over the last 11
years, Omar’s has been a constant source of comfort and
support for Cuz, in the form of massive naans and endless
plates of lamb biryani and curry vindaloo.

Dr. Rick Wallace, Father of the Groom/Entertainment

Rick’s appreciation for Cuz’s sex appeal could be seen as
awkward, or even inappropriate, given their familial bond.
However, this is just the “old man’s” way of communicating
his deep love for his adopted offspring. Later in the evening
(approximately 3AM), Rick will be showcasing his talent for
interpretive dance. Clothing will be optional.

Laisteridge Lane Football Pitch, Matron of Honor

Mrs. Laisteridge Lane introduced our couple in 1999, and is
responsible for their everlasting bond, as chronicled in Cuz’s
soon-to-be bestseller, The Long Ball to Freedom. In fact, it is
on Mrs. Lane’s fecund turf that many a young Peace Studies
footballer has become a man, celebrating afterwards with
multiple pints at the Westleigh.

Jill Greene, Bridesmaid

Jill was one of Bradford’s finest residents until her departure
for Nepal. Her crimson-coloured cape and Silver Falcon ™
bicycle were regularly spotted on the streets of Bradford. A
fierce advocate against for Bradford’s youth, she was also a
strong supporter of her dear City’s economy, frequenting its
classiest pubs for a pint or two…or more. FYI: Jill is a
seasoned stepdancer!

National Media Museum, Bridesmaid

The Museum is one of Bradford’s greatest treasures.
Frequented by the local cultural elite (or so they/we would
like to think), it provides hours of entertainment for students
seeking solace from the City’s lackluster nightlife.

The Bradford Interchange, Bridesmaid

Thanks to the Interchange, each year thousands of keen,
bright-eyed young students find their way to West
Yorkshire’s finest municipality. And the Interchange is not
just a close friend of the bride—Cuz himself is a devoted
supporter of the British railway system, speaking (or
screaming) out against its 1980s privatization on numerous
occasions.

Professor Tom Woodhouse, Master of Ceremonies

Cuz’s mentor Prof. Woodhouse has been a longtime
supporter of the happy couple. Thanks to his support and
commitment to Cuz’s intellectual and professional
development, he has ensured that the couple’s relationship
has been able to grow and flourish.

The Cecil Avenue Talking Cat, Reader

We are unsure at present whether the Talking Cat will reveal
itself at the ceremony—on time, or at all. However, in the
event that it does show up, we ask that guests focus
attention solely on the cat, and not on whether Cuz’s lips are
moving.

Delius Pub, Musician

Delius is one of Cuz and Bradford’s oldest friends. As a
wedding gift, she will be providing two musical selections,
Sounds of a Table Football Game and Last Call
Announcement. Audience participation is welcome, if not
required.

Food Provided by Sainsbury’s Local