4 Strategies to

Communicate Introvert
Relationship Preferences
arahJone

Ifoureanintrovertinaromanticrelationhip,chance
areouhavetwodilemma:
1.HowdoIgetenoughalonetimewithouthurtingm
partnerfeeling?
2.HowdoIhowmpartnerIlovethemevenifitnot
inmnaturetoexpreloveloudl?
Nottoworr.othofthoeconcernarenormaland
addreale.
1.Undertandandemraceourneed

foralonetime

Inordertoclearlexpreourneedforalonetime
toourpartner,oumutfirtundertanditourelf.
Theetwatotartundertandingadimenionofour
peronalitandpreferenceitotakeanopen,curiou,

andacceptingpoitiontowardit.Whateverouwanti
great!Yourpreference,introvertedorextrovertedor
whatever,arenotwronginanwa.Thiiimple,ut
dontunderetimateitimportance.
Withapoitionofacceptingwhateverwefind,let
explorehowmuchalonetimeouneedandwhat
refreheoumot:
Doouneedquietatcertaintimeofda?Oerve
ourelfaoumovethroughourcheduleforthe
nextfewda.Whendooumotcravetimeto
ourelf?Inthemorning,afternoon,evening?
eforeoraftercertainactivitie?Whateemto
refrehoumotduringthoetime?Ifoucan
identifwhenoumotneedalonetimeandwhat
motreenergizeou,oucanmaximizeour
rechargemomentooucanreturntoourpartner
frehandhapp.
Aretheretriggerthatleadtoneedingmorealone
time?Whenouhavealotonourplateatwork,or
whenoupendaneveningatacocktailpart,doou
needextratimealone?Noticehowmuchouneed
andwhenouneeditooucantartuildingitinto
ourroutineandrechargeautomaticall.
Whenouretreedorthereanargument,how
muchtimedoouneedtocooldown?Doouneed
anhour,twohour,oronlahalf-houreforeou

regroupwiththetakathandortheconflictoure
tringtoreolvewithourpartner?Whenouknow
howmuchalonetimeouneed,oucanmakethe
requetgracefull.Yourpartnerwilleateaeince
theknowourenotwalkingawa;ourejuttaking
thetimeouneedooucanhaveagooddicuion.
Doouhaveacertainrhthmofon-eaonand
off-eaon?Manofurotatethroughccleof
ociailitandprivac.Doouhaveucharhthm,
andifo,whatdoeitlooklike?Iiteaonal,where
ouremoreactiveintheummerandmoreprivatein
thewinter?Iitweekl,whereouremoreocialon
Fridaandaturdaandneedalldaundaalone?
Whatiouruniquerhthmthatmakeouhappiet?
Rememer,amuchaourpartnermaloveto
pendmoretimewithou,whatthemotwantito
eeouhapp.o,ifouractive-alonerhthmmake
ouhapp,figuringoutourrhthmandharingthat
knowledgewithourpartnerwillmakethemhapp
too.
2.Communicateourneedforalone

time

Howdoouexpreourneedforalonetimetoour
partnerinawathecanundertand,feelateaewith,
andhonor?
Firt,rememertoundertandandhonorthefactou

needthitime.Rememerthatwhenoutakethetime
ouneed,ouarehappier,letreed,andmore
engagedwithourpartner.Thatwhatmakeitawinwin.Ifoukeepinmindthathonoringourneedfor
privatetimeigoodforouoth,ourodlanguage
andvoicewillnaturallemoreeaefulwhenou
communicateourneed,andthatwillencourage
eaefulneinourpartnerawell.
Agoodcriptmighte,Hone,Iveeendoingome
thinkingaouthowIcanettakecareofmelfoI
canringmorehappineandpreencetoour
relationhip.IrealizedIreallneedXtimemelfto
relaxandrecharge,epeciallwhenX(timeofda,
trigger,diagreement,eaon).WhenIvehadthat
time,Imaletoefullwithou,whichiwhatIreall
want.Doethioundokatoou?
3.Undertandandemracehowou

naturallexpreandreceivelove

Thereawonderfullilluminatingconceptcalledthe5
LoveLanguageGarChapman.Itareourcefor
undertandinghowoumotnaturallexpreand
receivelove.
Aoureadthroughthe5LoveLanguageelow,think
aout(a)whatimotnaturalandfamiliartoou,and
()anthingoumightfeellikeouhouldexpre

utthatdoentcomenaturall.
QualitTime:Meaningfulandfuntimepent
together.
WordofAffirmation:Compliment,veral
encouragement,andlovingacknowledgement.
Gift:Phicalgift,greatormall.
Actofervice:Helpfulgeturethatmakeanother
lifeeaierandmoreenjoale.
PhicalTouch:Affectionthroughtouchand
phicalcloene.
Whatreonatemotwithou?
Youmightmorenaturallreceiveloveonewaandmore
naturallexpreitanotherwa.
Forexample,oumightlovephicalaffectionwhen
ourpartnerinitiate,utoumaemorelikelto
expreourlovethroughdoinglittlethingaroundthe
houeandmakingourpartnerlifeeaier.
4.Communicatehowouexpre

love

Ifourpartnerhaoftenaidtoou,Hone,Iwantu
topendmoretimetogether,or,Irealllikeitwhen
ougivemeweetcompliment,ouhaveacluetoour
partnernaturallove-receivinglanguage.

The5LoveLanguageProfileforCouplequetionnaire
canhelpouexploretogetherournaturallove
language.Armedwiththeknowledgeofourpreferred
waofgivingandreceivinglove,oucaneachfocuon
givingevenmoretotheotherinthewathatmot
delightanduitouoth.
Forexample,ifougiveloveetviaphicalaffection,
ourpartnerawarenethatthiiourwaofgiving
lovewillallowthemtointentionallreceiveourtouch
alove.Afterourpartnerrecognizeourfrequent
toucheaourhowinglove,thellfeel
moreappreciated.Youcanfocuongivingevenmore
touch,anditllecomeanupwardpiral.
Youcanothgrowaindividualandaacoupleto
receiveloveinmultipledifferentwa.
Youcanalogrowgentlgivinginthedirectionofthe
othermotnaturalreceivinglanguage.
Forexample,ifourpartnerreceivinglanguagei
WordofAffirmation,utouvefeltuncomfortale
givingveroecompliment,akwhatitrul
meaningfultoourpartneraoutcompliment.Akwh
itimportantandwhatitfeelliketothemtoreceive
compliment.Akaoutthemotmeaningful
complimenttheveevergotten,andjutlitenopenl.

Onceouundertandourpartneretter,oulle
naturallmoreinpiredandmorecomfortaletolove
theminthewathelikeet.Chanceare,ourpartner
doentneedorevenwantalongpoemfromou,
drippingwithexceflowerword.
Forexample,whenoudicoverthatallourpartner
wanttoheari,Youlookwonderfultoda,evernow
andthenwhenitnaturalloccurtoou,oucanretat
eae.Youreproalalreadthinkingtheekind
thought.Fromhere,allouhavetodoiimpltart
noticingthoelittlemomentwhenacomplimentcan
rietotheurfaceandeexpreedverall.
Itcaneavergentleandunaumingproce.Allit
requiretolovewellialittlepecialattention:(a)
undertandingwhatourpartneractuallwantrather
thanwhatouvaguelaumethewantandthen()
lookingforopportunitietoeaefullandenjoalgive
inourpartnerlanguage.
Itcaneapleauretodicoverourandourpartner
needandwant,ooucanworktogethertohonor
ourelveandeachother.Ifouviewourneedfor
rechargetimeinthecontextofourrelationhiphealth
andexplorehowouexpreandreceivelove,ouma
openupanewworldoffulfillmentandcloenewith
ourpartnerandenjotheaddedenefitofgentl

expandingourelfaaperon.