Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
ORIENTATION AND RESIDENCE HALL CHECK-IN
7:30 am - 3:00 pm
Residence Halls
Welcome to Emory! Residence hall staff members and
Orientation Leaders will assist new students and their
families with check-in.
BARNES & NOBLE AT EMORY
9:00 am - 6:00 pm
Barnes & Noble at Emory (1390 Oxford Road)
Visit your campus bookstore for everything Emory.
We have your choice of new, used, and digital overpriced textbooks. You can also rent your overpriced
textbooks from the bookstore and save less money
than renting from Amazon. We are excited this year
to be partnering with Bed, Bath & Beyond to offer a
resident shop pop-up tent at the 3rd floor bookstore
entrance to shop for all of the useless crap you will
eventually donate. Make us your one-stop shop for
Emory apparel, gifts, school supplies, residence hall
shopping, and trade books.
EMORYCARD OFFICE OPEN HOURS
9:00 am 4:00 pm
Boisfeuillet Jones Center, First Floor
Students who did not obtain their EmoryCards upon
check-in may do so in the B. Jones Building.
EXPLORE THE CARLOS
10:00 am 5:00 pm
Michael C. Carlos Museum
From the ancient to the modern world, the Michael
C. Carlos Museum brings to the Emory campus priceless treasures mapping an extraordinary breadth of
ancient cultures, customs, and legacies. Emory students receive free admission to the museum every
day but will never come back and families receive free
admission during New Student Orientation and are
far more excited about it then their children. Students
are encouraged to sign-up for a free membership at
the main admission desk or http://www.carlos.emory.
edu/studentmembership.
LAST MINUTE VACCINATION CLINIC
11:00 am - 4:00 pm
Woodruff PE Center, 2nd Floor, Dance/Martial Arts
Classroom
Student Health Services is offering Last Minute Vaccination Clinics Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday, just in
case you forgot that herd immunity is a great way to
prevent the apocalypse.
STUDENT TECHNOLGY SUPPORT (STS) OPEN HOURS
Saturday, August 20
11:00 am 4:00 pm
11:00 am 4:00 pm
Woodruff Library, 1st floor, STS Desk
If you need assistance joining the EmoryUnplugged
network (we have regretted this name ever since the
first unplugged joke was made approximately ten
minutes following its installation) or registering your
gaming consoles, TVs, and streaming devices, stop by
the Student Technology Support (STS) Desk on the 1st
floor of the Woodruff Library. Dont miss out on this
amazing opportunity to bond with other frustrated
First-Years in line!
DISABILITY AND ACADEMIC SUPPORT RESOURCES FOR
STUDENTS
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3:00 pm 4:00 pm
Anthropology 303
Access, Disability Services and Resources and Academic Support Program staff will be available to
explain programs and support services and introduce
you to our routine level of utter incompetence. This
program will present information for parents and
entering students on Emory policies and procedures
under the Americans with Disabilities Act, how these
differ from the laws that govern accommodations
during the K-12 years, how to make the most of the
academic support resources available and how to
solve problems that may occur. Believe us, there
will be lots of problems, so youll need the practice.
Please bring your questions for us to dodge.
DONNA AND MARVIN SCHWARTZ CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS TOUR
2:30 pm
Schwartz Center
Students and families may tour the Schwartz Center,
which includes a world-class concert hall, a theater
lab for the development of new works (were hoping
that using the term lab will justify additional funding), and a dance studio.
GAP YEAR MEETUP
6:30 pm 7:30 pm
Dobbs University Center, Coke Commons
Did you take some time between high school and
college? This gathering is for students who didnt get
into their first choice before enrolling at Emory a year
later. Like-minded slackers will be in attendance to
welcome you to Emory.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 21
EMORY CARD OFFICE OPEN HOURS
9:00 am 11:00 am
Boisfeuillet Jones Center, First Floor
Students who did not obtain their EmoryCards upon
check-in but do not want to perish in the coming winter may do so in the B. Jones Building. Seriously, you
MORNING YOGA
8:00 am 9:00 am
Quadrangle
Get your day started off right with this hour long class
that stretches muscles & tissues, while improving
range of motion and overall flexibility. A limited number of yoga mats will be provided, so bring your own
if you have one. Dont forget to check out all the butts
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in tight pants!
PACE ACADEMIC ADVISING APPOINTMENTS
9:00 am - 12:00 pm
First-year students will meet individually or in groups
with their faculty advisors to plan their fall 2016
schedules. Although it may seem counterintuitive to
have a Womens Gender Studies professor advise you
on what premed science classes to take, we assure
you that this program is a great way to discover new
fields of study for when you inevitably fail Chemistry
141. Besides, how else are you supposed to find out
Exchange phone numbers with as many people as
that medical school is a tool of the hetero-capitalist
possible during the first week
patriarchy?
That guy behind you in the sandwich line? Getting his
digits is a must. That girl you saw crying in the stairTUESDAY, AUGUST 23rd
well? Youll want to text her later, trust us.
OPENING CONVOCATION
4:30 pm - 6:00 pm
Woodruff PE Center Arena
Students will walk with their Orientation Leaders to
Convocation, the opening ceremony of the academic year, to hear from selected faculty and receive a
greeting from President-Elect Claire Sterk. She isnt
trying to replace your President, kids, she just wants
to be there for you because I know the divorce with
Wagner was hard on you guys and hey who wants
pizza?
Sigma Chi: (SigChi) They used to be really hot, so at least we could overlook their rudeness. But
now they arent hot and theyre still douchey.
Signature Drink: Burnetts Pink Lemonade Flavored Vodka
Best Quality: They annually host Derby Days, which entails sorority girls dancing provocatively
for them, which obviously helps them end cancer.
Worst Quality: See all of the above.
Sigma Alpha Epsilon: (SAE) People say they are sporty, but are they really? How sporty can you
really be if you attend this school?
Signature Drink: Cheap champagne
Best Quality: Only house on the row with a pool.
Worst Quality: The pool is home to a thriving ecosystem of bacteria and venereal disease, fed by
copious amounts of bodily fluids.
Alpha Epsilon Pi: (AEPi) When you came to college, you assumed you would marry one. But then
you saw the Emory chapter and changed your mind.
Signature Drink: Grey Goose
Best Quality: Beer bong off the porch creates the illusion that they know how to party.
Worst Quality: Apparently not as Jewish as you or your mother had hoped.
Alpha Tau Omega: (ATO) You can spot an ATO by his patchy beard, haughty air, and 80s sweater
vest.
Signature Drink: Blue Moon
Best Quality: Known for hosting events with Emorys art clubs.
Worst Quality: Theyre really just hunting for a new group of underclassmen to hit on.
Pi Kappa Alpha: (PIKE) What house are they in again?
Signature Drink: Miller Lite
Best Quality: Lots of booze available, because you wont have to share.
Worst Quality: Their registered parties are attended exclusively by their own brothers, and their
plaintive wailing can be heard over Shake It Off still blasting on their stereo.
Zeta Beta Tau: (ZBT) also referred to as Zeta Beta Tomata.
Signature Drink: Limerita
Best Quality: They have a stripper pole in their basement.
Worst Quality: Allegedly peed on the American flag while partying in Florida.
Kappa Alpha: (KA) The Order was kicked off of campus in 2015 but they still have a strong off
campus presence.
Signature Drink: Jungle Juice, served out of a garbage can. Be suspicious.
Best Quality: Their best party was someones birthday. There were bagel bites.
Worst Quality: They worship a portrait of Robert E Lee.
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Kappa Sigma: (Kappa sig) Apparently Emory is their Alpha chapter, who would have guessed?
Signature Drink: Fireball Whiskey
Best Quality: Nice, kind of dorky, trying a little too hard to be cool. Have truly captured the
douchey Southern market after KAs departure from campus.
Worst Quality: May also do a lot of coke. Their flag looks like a rip-off of the Mexican flag.
Xi Kappa: (XK)
Signature Drink: Sake
Best Quality: Annual barbeque open to freshmen assures that Asian students have an
opportunity to make their white friends feel uncomfortable at a party for once.
Worst Quality: Do we have to listen to more Evanescence?
Delta Tau Delta: Pronounced DUH TUH DUH!
Signature Drink: Virgin Strawberry Daquiri
Best Quality: Very imaginative, truly believe they are in a fraternity.
Worst Quality: Having to purchase two Deltas was quite a drain on the budget.
Alpha Phi Alpha: (Alphas) Came back to Emory last spring after a long hiatus.
Signature Drink: Rum and coke
Best Quality: Damn, they can dance! And engage in meaningful conversations about
inequality and racial oppression.
Worst Quality: Watching them stroll will make you feel inadequate.
Sigma Alpha Mu: Sammy Signature Drink: Long Island Iced Tea
Best Quality: They spend a lot of money for open bars at mixers.
Worst Quality: Who needs jokes when Sammy is one already?
Sigma Epsilon: Sig Ep
Signature Drink: Mikes Hard Lemonade
Best Quality: Unlikely to be hazed by brothers with an average height of 56
Worst Quality: Your friends will rave about how nice they are during rush and then take a
bid from literally anywhere else with a house or relevance.
REMEMBERING:
Chi Phi: REST IN PEACE. We still think of you fondly whenever we get caught making new
writers do push-ups.
Sig Nu: Party basketballers kicked off of campus in 2014 for something involving vermin and
barbeque sauce.
Beta Theta Pi: (BETA) Remember Biff from Back To The Future? Hes a Beta.
Signature Drink: Jose Cuervo Tequila
Best quality: They once had a giant inflatable slide that turned into a Slip n Slide at at
party.
Worst quality: Their Mansion party feels like the prelude to the apocalypse, only youre in
lingerie and bunny ears.
Emory Lingo
you need to know
The Depot
What the tradition-breakers call
the late night eatery on Eagle Row.
LONG LIVE ZAYAS!
Dooley
Emorys unofficial mascot, whose
rebranding as Claire E. Dooley
marks the first female mascot at
Emory since Swoops experimental
Im Pre-Med
How Emory students let their peers phase in the 60s.
know that they have a significantly Ebola
The Emory Wheel
A newspaper that will knowing- larger inferiority complex.
Emorys daring stand against this
ly publish your uninformed think James Wagner, a.k.a. JSwags
societal menace put the university
piece for those sweet, rage-induced Emorys former President, peace in national news.
shares.
be upon him, whose controversial
statements on the 3/5 compromise Chalk
The B School
Emorys daring stand against this
Notable alumni include Scrooge [redacted].
societal menace put the university
McDuck and the creators of the Em- Claire E. Sterk a.k.a. House Sterk in national news.
ory Bubble, OrgSync's creepy uncle. Emorys new President, who has
graciously agreed to take on the job Songfest
Mags
Maggies Bar and Grille, the best At- at 77% of the outgoing presidents Ever since the 13 freshman districts
rebelled against the Capitol, leadlanta bar located in a suburban strip pay.
ing to the destruction of District
mall.
So what part of New York are you 13s McTyeire Hall, RAs must send
from?
Swoop
tributes from their districts to comNew Yorkers are notoriously ter- pete for the amusement of adminNobody cares about Swoop.
ritorial and use this mating call to istrators and staff.
identify their own.