Montenegro, Deanna Louise C.

2014-29483
Taking Things A Little Too Heavy
I have always been a fat kid since I can remember. My parents would describe me as
mataba, as well as most of my relatives. At 12 years old I was 160 pounds at 5 feet 4 inches on
my first year of high school about 30 pounds overweight and as societal norms would have it,
I was not really the type of person people liked being around.
Ive never really known being fat was something that was not normal or something
people saw as ugly until I studied in an all-girls school. A lot of girls at school would stare at my
body from head to toe sending a glare my way, or they would non-verbally signal that they
wanted to leave through their body language uneasiness, eyes not looking at you that much,
feet pointing somewhere and body directed at a different direction. Believe me, I am not
romanticizing this. It was not because I was the only fat girl in school that I was treated that way,
but because all girls that the thinner girls considered fat girls were seen this way. None of us
fat girls were actually popular or praised by other girls, and no fat girls were friends with the
thin, pretty, popular girls. Soon I saw how this was only a reflection of how the media
propagated the stereotype of girls being much more thinner than me, creating the notion in
society that I was completely physically abnormal. Surprisingly, media also made fun of fat girls
on television at this time. I would feel bad about myself; I was shy, quiet, and uncommunicative
for most of my high school life. My voice would be soft and little, and I would not talk about my
opinions because I felt people communicated to me like I was an outcast in society. The language
people sent me made me feel that I was different, ugly, and a lower form of a human being, so
the language I sent them showed the same.
A year later, after months of depression and loneliness, I decided I would lose weight. I
went into college weighing a lot less about 30 pounds than I did before. When I became
thinner and looked prettier in the eyes of others around me, people changed the way they
behaved around me. I no longer received lewd stares from people on the jeep that I did not know,
but rather smiles and Good morning! People looked happier when they looked at me head to
toe, even complimenting me on my physical appearance. I felt like I finally fitted in society, so
when the change in how others treated me socially came, I changed as well. I started talking to
people more; my voice was stronger, more confident when I spoke. My relations with people
became better, and I could express myself better as I was a more socially accepted person.
Language played a huge role in putting me into my social status. The language that was
used by the people around me dictated how I was to hold myself in society. I saw that when
people changed the messages or meanings that they sent me from a negative to a more positive
one, I decided to reflect that meaning towards them. Although I will not say that fitting into
societal norms equals a better life, but my experience shows me how language has determined
my identity before and how my identity has changed from how it was before I only wish to
show the different sides of the story. Finally, despite the fact that language is a social tool that
people can and will use to put you in your place, letting it deeply affect you is the first mistake.